Chapter Thirty - Once In A Blue-Moon
"Two cold butterbeers and yours, of course, Remus, is on the house," Madam Rosmerta said as she placed the glass tankards in front of Remus and Severus.
"Ah, your very kind Rosmerta, you really did not have to do that," Remus smiled politely, feeling his cheeks warm a bit. He caught Severus' eye from across the table. The corner of his lip rose up in a small smirk, and Remus knew a blush was dusting his cheeks.
It was the first smile Severus had done all morning, he was very quiet and seemed very nervous, and he kept a hand in his pocket the whole walk up here. Remus asked him if he was okay several times and only received a reassuring kiss each time.
"Oh, of course I do, sweets, it's your birthday after all and are you sure you don't want to celebrate it with a shot of firewhiskey? It'll be on the house of course," the barmaid offered with a wink.
Remus felt his cheeks warm a bit more, aware of Severus' dark gaze still on him. "That's very kind of you, but I'm afraid I'll have to turn that down. No more drinking for me for the foreseeable future."
"That's too bad, love, I haven't seen you, Tonks and Vector in here for quite a while now, it'll be nice to see you three again, you really know how to liven a place up."
Remus laughed, shyly running a hand through his hair at her compliment. His face felt like it was on fire now, "We'll be here again soon."
"I'll be looking forward to it, now, what would it be, lads?"
Remus picked up the menu, scanning over the entrees, "Fish and chips, hold the tartar please. Thank you, Rosmerta."
"Anything for you, Remus, dear," she answered back with a wink, writing his order down.
Severus then handed the barmaid the menus, saying, "I'll have the same thing."
"Got it," she said, writing that down. "And Remus, if you do change your mind about that shot, all you have to do is wave me over."
"I'll keep that in mind," Remus said, picking up his butterbeer and taking a long sip.
Madam Rosmerta then walked away to place their order. Remus put down his butterbeer, his eyes finding Severus' again who was staring at him with a raised eyebrow.
"What?" Remus said.
"Remember what I said? Everyone who associates with you, loves you," Severus teased.
"Oh, Severus, that is not true…"
Severus shook his head with amusement, picking up his butterbeer and taking a drink.
"She just remembers me coming here a lot with the Marauders as a boy and then I was here quite a few times with Tonks and Vector, I'm just a regular."
"Hmmm…" Severus said, putting down his tankard. "Don't believe me then, but it's funny… I don't recall her saying a single word to me…"
Remus laughed at that. "I mean… I don't blame her… You're scary sometimes, Severus," he teased, giving his boyfriend a wink.
"Good," Severus scowled. "I don't like being bothered by people."
Remus laughed again, causing Severus to smile softly at him.
"Let's toast for your birthday, and another month of no drinking," Severus suddenly announced, raising his tankard of butterbeer to Remus.
Remus smiled as he raised up his own tankard and they clinked them together.
They then both made a bit of small talk, quietly flirting a bit until their food came.
Remus' eyes widened with the extra chips on his plate, compared to Severus' underserved portion. As Rosmerta put down the plates in front of them, Severus shot Remus a pointed look, and he knew that meant: I told you so!
Remus just shook his head with exasperation and amusement, kindly thanking Rosmerta once more before she left them again.
"What did you say to Harry yesterday?" Severus asked, once they were done with their food.
Remus was just finishing up the last of his butterbeer as he answered, "I promised him that we would sneak in some cake and show Ron some muggle board games… A secret birthday party." The mischief danced in his hazel eyes, and for a moment, Severus felt sudden anger at Greyback for dimming it out.
"Let's see how long we can get away with that until Poppy kicks us out." Severus stood up, "I'll get the bill, then we can pick up the cake at Honeydukes."
"You already ordered it?" Remus grinned as he put on his tan cardigan over his buttoned-down shirt. "Is it chocolate?"
Once they picked up the cake and it was put under a stasis spell and shrunk and tucked safely away in Severus' pocket, they made their way back to Hogwarts, walking slowly and enjoying the early spring day together. It was clear blue skies with a slight chill on the breeze. Remus was trying to get Severus to let him have a peek at the cake, but he wouldn't give in.
They then stopped at a wooden fence with the Shrieking Shack in the distance, both of them stopped and turned to each other with soft adoring smiles, remembering what had happened the last time they walked up on this hill.
"Do you want to take a break?" Severus asked.
Remus nodded, leaning against the fence, his eyes on the Shrieking Shack and the view of the forest and hills around it.
"I think… It's time for you to uphold your promise to me," Remus said, then turned his head to see Severus looking at him, strands of his dark hair being stirred by the breeze, a frown on his face, those dark eyes suddenly looking haunted. "But only if you feel ready," Remus added. "I don't want to pressure you into talking about your past when you're not ready yet."
"No, don't worry about that, I'm okay sharing it all with you. I've already opened up about some of it with Harry… What do you want to know?"
"How about the beginning," Remus suggested, tucking a strand of hair behind Severus' ear. "Growing up with your parents and how they were with you, I can tell you about my childhood as well if that makes it easier."
Dark eyes considered Remus, then Severus took a deep breath and began to tell Remus about the father he used to have before he became the abuser Severus grew up with. The day Severus' accidental magic kicked in and how it changed their lives forever. He told Remus about his mother and how beautiful and smart she was, brilliant in the art of potion making. The only one who was ever on Severus' side, and how she became a shell of her former self, a ghost from the cruel hands of his father. Severus told Remus about meeting Lily. The days they spent together and how she was there for him when no one else was. The dark days of being misunderstood, bullied, losing Lily, his mother's death and joining the Death Eaters, the horrors he experienced and leading to the promise for Lily, of taking care of Harry…everything… Then once he got to the parts of the prophecy and Lily's death… Severus stopped.
"I can't anymore…" he whispered, his body shaking.
Remus gathered him into his arms, kissing his face. "It's okay, thank you for telling me, baby, I love you so much."
Severus' eyes softened at the term of endearment and captured Remus in a deep kiss so gently and tenderly.
Once they ended the kiss, Remus asked, "What was that for?"
"For not letting me push you away, for letting me open up to you and for listening to me prattle on about my tragic past. It's your birthday, this day should be about you, not me."
"I know, but I wanted this… Knowing you a bit more… That's all I wanted for my birthday, and you also want me to tell you about my past, so don't feel too bad about it."
"Well, I have one more thing for you…" Severus' voice was suddenly wrecked with nerves as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box, handing it to Remus.
"Severus, love, you really didn't have to," Remus said with shock, taking the small box.
"Well, I saw it and I did… I was supposed to give it to you that night. I had a whole evening planned for you and I ruined it, then I forgot the reason for the date… I was such a prick to you, I'm so sorry for hurting you like that, darling."
"It's okay," Remus forced himself to calmly say, his eyes on the small velvet box with shock… His heart was thumping hard and fast against his ribcage. It was a ring box… "It's all behind us now."
"Go on, open it," Severus urged, his voice had a slight tremble to it.
"Why are you so nervous?" Remus asked, his voice coming out just as shaky, opening the small box then suddenly finding out why. He gasped at the jewelry nestled into the velvet.
"Severus, I can't…" He suddenly felt his eyes stinging, welling up with tears from what was inside. "I can't accept this… It's…" The fact that anyone would buy him something as beautiful and priceless as this… "It looks expensive, I can't…'' But it really was beautiful, the sun causing it to shine brilliantly against the dark velvet. It was a black ring with a silhouette of a silver wolf howling at the moon. If he did accept it, it would be the most beautiful and expensive thing in his possession… But the worth of it didn't matter at all… It wasn't that… It was the meaning behind it.
"That doesn't matter, do you like it?" Severus' voice shook. "Don't worry, it's not really silver, only tungsten and white gold…"
"Oh, Severus, I really do love it. How could I ever thank you for something as beautiful as this…and it has a wolf on it!" Remus exclaimed, interrupting Severus' nervous rambling as he examined the intricate detailing on it.
Severus smiled at that, his nervousness seeming to fade away as Remus gushed over it. "Here, let me put it on you." He took the box back, carefully taking out the small ring and then taking Remus' hand into his own.
"Remus, this ring…" Severus hesitated, his dark eyes meeting Remus' own.
Remus couldn't help but wonder if Severus was proposing, he wasn't sure of his answer to that. He loved Severus with all of his heart, his soulmate… But Remus didn't want to trap Severus into a marriage with a werewolf. He couldn't do that to him, and he wasn't sure if Severus would understand that. It would just be seen as a clear rejection… But what if Remus ignored all of that and just said yes? It was what his heart really wanted. Could Remus really be that selfish?
Severus was studying Remus' face, reading the emotions passing through him, causing him to smile brilliantly, lighting up the nervous energy between them. At that moment, Severus never looked more beautiful to Remus, and if he asked him right in that moment to marry him, Remus would say yes before he could even process it. His knees were suddenly weak at the thought. "Don't worry, darling, this isn't a marriage proposal. Merlin knows if we are both ready for that right now… This is just a promise to you…"
Remus let out a watery smile and a sigh of relief… "Not yet, my dear, but maybe one day?"
Severus' eyes warmed at the thought, placing a hand at the back of Remus' neck and pulling him close, causing their foreheads to touch, kissing Remus softly and whispering, "This is a promise that I will always love you. No matter what this war brings, the arguments it may cause between us or if we should ever find each other apart, I'll always find my way back to you. Nothing would ever change how I feel about you… My soulmate."
Remus felt his throat closing up at the statement. Soulmates… Warm tears finally made their way out and down his cheeks. "Severus," Remus choked out.
Severus pulled away, wiping his tears away with a calloused thumb, then went down on one knee and slid the ring onto Remus' finger, the one meant for wedding rings, as if he were proposing… He then kissed it, the black tungsten and white gold glimmering in the sunlight. "Now you have a part of me wherever you go, just as I have a part of you," Severus said, taking out the wooden wolf pendant from underneath his robes.
Remus pulled Severus back up to his feet and into a deep, deep kiss, this time tears were falling endlessly down his cheeks and once they pulled apart, he whispered against Severus' lips, "I love you so very much."
"I love you too," Severus whispered back. "Happy birthday, my darling." And he captured Remus' lips into another slow and passionate kiss.
.
.
"Oh, Merlin, this chocolate cake, Severus, I think I would happily die if it meant I could have another bite," Remus sighed happily, causing Harry and Ron to laugh from their beds.
Remus and Severus were both sitting in chairs besides Harry's bed. The chocolate cake was on Harry's night table along with their bottles of non-alcoholic sparkling cider to celebrate Remus' birthday.
Madam Pomfrey had decided to turn a blind eye on their small party and focus on some of her paperwork for just a few hours in her office after the pleading look Remus gave to her when he and Severus had entered the hospital wing with board games and provisions.
"Only a bite, papa?" Remus caught Ron whipping his head towards Harry in shock from the parental term. "How about you just get another slice, it's your birthday after all."
Remus decided to not pay any attention to Ron's shock and the way Harry blushed a bit when he realized he let himself slip in front of his friend.
"You're right, Harry, what am I saying?"
"There would be no dying for anyone tonight," Severus muttered. He was closer to the night table than Remus was, and so he sliced another generous piece of cake and dumped it onto Remus' empty plate.
"You're the best, Severus, really you are," Remus grinned. "Have I ever told you that?"
"Eat your cake," Severus only said, his eyes purposely avoiding Ron who was now gaping at their interaction from his bed, a plate with half-eaten cake in his hands.
"Blimey, Harry," Ron said faintly, "You've really got yourself a family now, haven't you?"
"Why are you still surprised by this, it's been months!" Harry said to his best friend.
"Yeah, but I've never really seen all three of you together, haven't I? And Snape is so…"
Severus glared at him, causing Ron to falter.
"Spill it, Weasley," Severus ordered.
"Different," Ron gulped, then busied himself with finishing up his cake, his ears now flaming red.
Severus only rolled his eyes, and Remus could sense the uncomfortableness coming off of him in waves from having Ron with them. It was hard enough for Severus to completely open up with Harry and Remus, but when others were present, he usually stayed quiet.
Remus intertwined his fingers with Severus', keeping their joined hands out of sight from Ron. He chanced a quick glance at Severus to find him looking at Remus from the corner of his eye.
"Come on, Harry, let's show Ron how to play Battleship," Remus suggested, taking the attention off of Severus who thanked Remus with a gentle squeeze of his hand.
They had ended up playing a few rounds. Once Ron had gotten the hang of how to play, he proved a worthy opponent against Remus that left them playing one on one together with Severus and Harry watching on the sidelines.
Remus, of course, won, and it wasn't long until Ron had fallen asleep after a very intense conversation on McLaggen ruining Gryffindor's chances of winning the Quidditch cup. Remus had made both of the boys feel a bit better by convincing them that they still had a chance for the cup as long as they beat Ravenclaw by over three-hundred points.
"He just knocked out, didn't he?" Remus said to Harry as Severus wasted no time in placing room dividers around Ron's bed, along with a Silencing Charm. Severus had said it was to prevent Ron from waking up from their talking, but Remus knew it was because Severus wanted privacy that would allow him to finally feel comfortable enough to be himself around Remus and Harry.
"He gets tired easily, that's why he's been in the hospital wing for so long. Madam Pomfrey said we could both get released tomorrow."
Severus sat back down beside Remus. "Harry, why were you late to the game? We saw you bolting at full speed to the changing rooms," he asked.
"I got caught up with talking to Ron, and I would've made it on time, but I ran into Draco. We had another row and he wouldn't talk to me," Harry explained with his voice full of hurt and frustration. "And when he was leaving, I had the invisibility cloak, I could've followed him to find out what he's been doing to disappear off of the map… And if I would've known that the game was going to be a disaster… I should've just followed him… The whole game was just a waste."
"And then leave your team waiting?" Remus said. "A captain has to stand by his team through every loss as well as every win, you know that, Harry. You, as a captain, made the right choice in choosing the match over Draco."
"But I feel like I've failed him," Harry choked out.
"Son, what did I tell you about Draco? What do I keep telling you?" Severus said sternly.
"To leave him be, let you handle it," Harry said with his voice full of frustration. "But it wasn't partly just because of the task… He kissed…" Harry stopped his face turning bright red, as red as Ron's ears had turned earlier.
"Harry," Severus said sternly.
Remus furrowed his eyebrows with curiosity, wondering what on earth Harry was just about to say.
"Draco and I kissed," he muttered his confession with embarrassment.
"You what?" Remus said with shock, wondering if he heard Harry right. Severus' eyes widened with the same shock Remus was feeling, confirming that he did.
"We kissed!" Harry hissed, hiding his face with his hands. "Can we not talk about this!"
"That's why you were asking about me and Sirius…" Remus said with clarity mixed with disbelief, remembering that morning in the kitchen of the cabin as they were making Severus breakfast. Remus had wondered why Harry was so curious about the topic of friends becoming lovers. "Harry, are you interested in…"
"I don't know!" Harry shouted.
"Hey, kid," Severus warned. "There's no need to speak to Remus that way."
"Sorry…" Still covering his face with his hands, Harry took a deep breath, then put his hands down. "I just don't know, okay, it happened so fast and I admit I was a bit curious about it afterwards that I let him kiss me again, but Draco's been acting like such a dickhead after that, worse actually, and I still like Ginny… I almost bloody kissed her during practice on Friday before Dean interrupted us… Yesterday in the corridor, it wasn't just about his task and what he's been doing, it was also about that… I wanted answers and he wouldn't talk to me. I just don't understand why Draco would do that, then just push me away again. I don't even think he's putting up an act anymore, I think he really hates me… Ever since that kiss, he's been more distant and intense…"
"I'm sure he's just as confused as you are, cub, I don't think he hates you… Teenage boys just suck when it comes to those types of things…" Remus said, remembering how long it took for him and Sirius to even admit to themselves and then to each other that they were fancying each other, how confused they were and how they couldn't talk to each other about their feelings, leading to arguments.
Harry only sighed out with frustration, "And I thought girls were harder."
"Kid, look at me and your papa," Severus said sternly, quietly.
Harry slowly raised his embarrassed and hurt green gaze to them.
"Draco is still the same boy he was the summer he stayed with us. Remember that he did warn you he was going to have to put up an act and pretend that he still hates you. He's only doing all this to protect himself and you, don't forget that possibility no matter how horrible he's being right now…"
Harry let out a huff of frustration.
"And Remus is right," Severus continued. "Teenage boys are horrible when it comes to feelings and crushes. I was horrible to your mother, especially when she was around your dad. Draco is most likely just as confused about kissing you as you are of being kissed by him. Imagine having to deal with that, the Dark Lord's task and the guilt of pushing you away? I'm certain he doesn't hate you, and stepping back and leaving him alone, isn't you giving up on him. You're doing the best thing for him, giving him space and letting me and Dumbledore handle his situation."
Remus saw a brief flicker of guilt in Harry's eyes, but it was gone before he could even process it, and Remus figured he might have just read Harry wrong.
"If it makes you feel better, kid," Severus continued with a small smile. "I've been hearing rumors about Ginny and Thomas breaking up. She certainly wasn't happy with him laughing at you after you've gotten hit by that bludger."
Harry's mood brightened at that, seeming way more happier. "Really?" he asked.
Severus nodded, "She was here at your bedside, holding your hand."
.
.
The weeks passed and April arrived, bringing with it much warmer and clearer weather, and also another full-moon.
Remus awoke from his completed change, feeling alert, and to his surprise, strong enough to pull himself up slowly into a seating position.
Assessing himself for any injuries was the first thing he did, and he was surprised again and relieved to find no open wounds or broken bones. Remus took a deep breath, taking in the spring air that was a bit brisk due to the dawn, but not uncomfortable enough to cause him to be too cold.
Aside from the usual weakness and sore muscles caused by the change, Remus realized he felt okay.
It was a blue-moon… It has been quite a long time since he had one of those.
He slowly and carefully pulled himself up off the floor and sat down on the bed, summoning over his flannel pajama pants and his old favorite Beatles t-shirt, shoes and his wand from the top of the broken wardrobe.
Remus was just tying his shoes when Severus and Madam Pomfrey finally arrived. He looked up at them with an exhausted smile gracing his lips, causing Severus to stop in his tracks.
"Remus?" was all the Potions Master could choke out with surprise.
"A very good morning to you too, Severus," Remus rasped out good-naturedly.
Madam Pomfrey quickly made her way over to him; if she was surprised at Remus' alertness and good health, she didn't show it. She began to scan over him with her wand.
"It's a blue-moon I see, dear, we haven't had one of those in a long time," Madam Pomfrey said to Remus as she read his vitals.
"A blue-moon?" Severus asked, shaking off his frozen shock and finally moving to Remus' side.
"It's what me and Poppy call it when I have a very rare, very good full-moon, meaning no injuries, nice weather, and when she arrives, I'm coherent and strong enough to walk back to the castle without needing much assistance," Remus explained. "I got the name from the old saying, once in a blue-moon."
"How often does this happen?" Severus asked.
"It used to be a few times a year back when Remus was a lad, now… How long has it been since the last one, Remus?"
"Harry's third year," Remus answered the school medi-witch. "I wish they can happen more often than not like in the past, but it can never be too easy, can it? It's just best to appreciate blue-moons when they happen."
"Hmmm, you're going to need your cane, why didn't I think to bring it?" Madam Pomfrey scolded herself.
"Because you were expecting me to be out cold and relying on Severus to carry me out," Remus chuckled at Severus' raised eyebrow, his voice becoming raspier from the strain of howling all night. "I think the good weather has something to do with this sudden blue-moon."
Or maybe it was something…someone else? Remus cleared his throat.
"Save your voice," Severus said with affection.
"I agree with you on that, Severus… Now, hold on a second, let me summon the cane before we start heading out."
"Blasted cane…" Remus sighed with sudden irritation. "I have no idea where it is, Poppy."
"What is with you and this unexplained irrational hatred with your cane?" Severus asked with soft amusement as Madam Pomfrey went over to one of the boarded windows, finding one that had a huge piece of wood missing so that the cane could fit right through when she summoned it.
"I hardly think it's irrational," Remus argued back.
Severus snorted with amusement, reaching a hand out, and for a moment it seemed as if all he wanted to do was to just cup Remus' cheek, the quiet relief was still showing in his dark eyes, but with Madam Pomfrey around, Severus only held out his hand to help Remus stand up. Remus caught the glint of the black and white-gold ring on Severus' finger. He had given it to his boyfriend for safe-keeping last night.
The walk back to the castle was slow, exhausting Remus greatly, yet he still managed a bit of the broth that Severus had cooked for him before falling into a deep and nightmare-ridden sleep…
Remus was cold, very cold and he could feel a cobblestone floor underneath him and straw that poked and stabbed him, making him itch. He opened his eyes and spotted a tiny window with midnight-blue sky. A bright star was twinkling down on him and Remus fixed his gaze on it. Sirius, the dog-star, the only thing that was keeping him from panicking.
A growl suddenly rumbled above him, droplets of saliva landing near his head. Remus tore his eyes away from the dog-star and up to see red-tinted amber eyes.
Greyback?
The growl rumbled through the cabin again, causing Remus to freeze with fear, thinking of the promised attack that would surely come. Then the wolf stepped into the silver light of the full-moon and it wasn't Greyback. It was a large auburn wolf and the name Rowan popped into Remus' head. At the same time the wolf inside him suddenly called out with longing. Remus pushed it down.
No! he silently said to it. That isn't your mate!
Howls suddenly rang throughout the cabin, Rowan joined in, throwing his head back and letting out the loudest one among them. The wolf inside Remus joined in, howling, Remus continued to fight it down. Stop! We're not one of them!
We're waiting for you… Do you hear us calling you, Alpha? It was many voices together. Many wolves singing together, calling their leader to them.
The wolf inside fought harder, causing Remus to shout out with frustration and pain. Then he felt his canines sharpen, the wolf growled out, it felt stronger, almost causing Remus to lose control. He gasped with fright, instantly rolling away from the auburn wolf. He pulled himself up and the world suddenly tilted and Remus was no longer in that cellar anymore.
He was running at full speed through a snowy forest with howls of a pack singing behind him. Remus looked down at his feet, finding the stormy-gray paws of his wolf form. Before he could react to that, he was shoved aside by the auburn wolf. Rowan gained a spurt of speed ahead of him, looking back over his shoulder at Remus with a challenging snarl. His red-tinted amber eyes were glowing with a mixture of lustful want, of loyalty, bloodlust and a wildness that Remus was so afraid to let his wolf be, then Rowan looked on ahead and Remus followed his gaze to a small group of humans that were not far ahead of them.
Suddenly the howls of the pack running behind them grew louder, wilder, excited, a song of a good successful hunt, a promise of full-bellies and a taste of warm flowing human blood as life departs from its body. Remus felt all of those longing feelings, the excitement of it stirred in his belly… And looking at his mate, he threw back his head and let out the loudest howl of them all.
Then the humans were there, so close, that Remus leaped and landed on the back of the biggest one, sinking his fangs into its flesh. And as soon as he tasted that warm blood, Remus screamed, letting the human fall to the ground. He screamed and he screamed. He wanted out of his wolf's body! Wanted out! He wanted to wake up! The blood was all over him, in his mouth and choking him, clogging up his senses and it was sticky and warm!
Screaming, Remus jolted awake, slapping a hand to his neck, feeling the raised ridges of the scar Rowan left. He was still stuck in his nightmare, trapped and tasting the blood, smelling the coppery scent, running alongside with Rowan and remembering the lust in those eyes, still hearing those howls singing behind him, calling him to them, their alpha…
He swiped his tongue over his teeth, feeling the sharpness of his canines, the wolf inside him was screaming and howling, it took everything in him to push it down. Stop!
"Remus!"
Hands were on him, and he threw himself away from their reach in blind panic. His body broke out in a cold sweat, shivering so hard and Remus suddenly felt like he was about to be sick. He couldn't see his surroundings, kept seeing that forest, those humans running on ahead and Rowan beside him. He swiped his tongue over his fangs again, remembering the blood, tasting the warm saltiness of it… Bile rose up in his throat, causing Remus to slap a hand to his mouth to stop it from spewing out.
Something was suddenly shoved against his chest and a strong hand pulled his hand away just in time…
"Darling, it's okay… Let it out now…"
The hand rubbed circles on his back as Remus vomited, causing him to violently cringe away with a shout when he was finally done, wiping his mouth with his arm.
"Remus, you're getting sick all over you!"
Remus backed away, shaking harder than ever. He couldn't let those hands touch him again. Hands that were sure to hold him tight, to beat him down into submission, hands that promised the fiery pain of silver and potions that would make him lose his mind. Suddenly the scent of burnt flesh was all he could smell, it was so strong he could practically taste it, causing him to dry-heave. The hard thing was shoved under his chin again as he suddenly threw up again until there was nothing left but bile.
"It's okay, darling, it's okay… I'm here… You're safe…" the voice kept saying over and over. This time there were no reaching hands.
"Scourgify," the voice said again. Then it was quiet again, the only sound Remus could hear were his painful gasps and he still couldn't see. It was so dark, so very dark and he knew those red-tinted amber eyes were watching him somewhere.
"Here, drink some water."
He felt cool glass touch his lips, causing Remus to shout, "No! No! Don't make me forget! I can't!" He felt invisible hands holding him down, trying to wrench open his mouth, the feel of glass phials being pressed to his lips until everything was fuzzy. The wolf inside stopped fighting, whimpering into submission.
The cool glass quickly left his lips. "Remus… Remus, it's okay, darling," the voice pleaded. "No one is going to force you to do anything. It was just water."
"I can't forget, I can't… I can't," Remus gasped, his chest growing tighter.
Suddenly warm hands held his face, a scent, a familiar scent surrounded him, washing away the blood and burnt flesh. The scent of coffee, of herbs, of shampoo… A fresh comforting scent that was home…a cabin hidden in the woods.
"Look at me, Remus," the voice commanded.
Remus raised his eyes to the voice, his vision finally clearing and he found himself staring into dark obsidian eyes full of concern and warmth and sorrow that grounded him. The wolf was now nothing more but a flicker in his soul, calm and quiet….
Remus stopped fighting, stopped shouting, but was still fighting for air, his body shaking uncontrollably.
A forehead pressed against his own.
"Keep looking at me, baby," the deep soothing voice whispered.
Remus did just that, gasping, trying to to breathe, those dark eyes…
"Severus," Remus rasped out, the tendrils of his nightmare finally releasing its dark hold on him, seeping away and giving him clarity. He closed his eyes. "I'm sorry…" Warm tears of shame began to run down his cheeks, he finally took a deep shuddering breath that turned into a sob. "I'm sorry," he choked out again.
"No, no, don't you dare be sorry over this."
"I've frightened you."
"No, you did not, concerned and sad to see you like this, yes, but not frightened or even at all bothered," Severus said so gently, causing Remus to continue sobbing. Severus didn't move, just kept his forehead leaning against his own, kept his hands on Remus' face, holding him steady until the last tears had finally run their course.
Remus pulled away, wiping his face and letting out another deep shuddering breath, feeling the relief of air finally whooshing into his lungs then out.
"Let's get you cleaned up," Severus said.
Fresh from a quick shower and brushing his teeth, shakily checking over and over in the mirror that his canines were not the sharp fangs of the wolf any longer, Remus returned to his room, seeing that Severus had replaced the sheets while he was gone. He found that he suddenly craved Severus' touch, his comforting presence, which was odd after a post full-moon nightmare ridden sleep. Perhaps it was because it was a blue-moon.
Severus was standing by the door, hesitant. "I know you require your space during this time… I know you're uncomfortable with touch, I can leave if you want me to."
Remus quickly shook his head as he changed into fresh pajamas, "Stay," was all he was able to say, causing Severus' eyes to light up.
They both climbed back into bed and Remus instantly and shakily cuddled against his boyfriend.
"Are you okay with me holding you?" Severus whispered gently to him. Remus nodded and Severus pulled him close against his chest, wrapping his arm around him. "Can I kiss you?" Severus whispered again.
Remus nodded and he felt a light and gentle kiss on his neck. They laid together in comfortable silence. Remus intertwined his fingers with Severus' own, playing with the ring that was still around his finger.
Severus planted another gentle kiss on his head this time, burrowing his nose into Remus' hair, whispering, "Do you want to talk about it?"
And when Remus didn't reply, Severus shifted a bit to take off the ring and placed it back on Remus' finger where it belonged, then lovingly kissed each finger and the palm of his hand.
Remus kept his eyes on the ring, watching it glimmer from the lantern, the silver wolf etched into the black tungsten, reminding him of the howls from his nightmare.
"Baby… Talk to me… You're safe here in my arms," Severus whispered again. "We're a team, remember?"
Remus sighed with defeat at Severus' coaxing.
"I was in the cellar. It was so cold and I remember just gazing at the dog star," Remus said, his voice cracking, his body trembling from the residue of his horror that the nightmare left him in. "Then Rowan was there standing over me and the world suddenly flipped and I was the wolf running with its pack… Rowan was ahead of me and he was looking at me like I was his mate and the wolves behind me were calling to me, singing to me as if I were their leader and I could feel the wolf spirit inside me… It wanted to answer their call. It wants to take its place as leader… I lost control of it… There was a pack of humans running from us and I leapt and I woke up with the taste of blood in my mouth…" Remus finally gasped out, feeling like he was going to be sick again. He closed his eyes, steadying his breathing until it passed.
"Baby…" Severus muttered so softly.
Remus turned towards him so that they were laying side by side, facing each other.
Severus placed a hand to the side of Remus' face, caressing him, "It was only a dream. This doesn't make you a monster, even if your wolf wants to join them. It's what it's meant to do and to want, but you are the one in charge. You have control of your body, your mind, not the wolf. Your eyes are still pure golden, not a trace of red if that helps."
Remus couldn't say anything in return, just gazed at Severus as he spoke to him.
"You are very human, darling, don't let them take that feeling away from you."
"Sometimes… It's hard to hold on to it… Sometimes, I feel like they already have…" Remus choked out. "Why do they want me so badly?"
"It's like I said, everyone who has the luck to meet you, they fall in love with you, and I don't blame them. You, Remus, darling, are first of all beautiful, and not just on the outside, but the inside. Your heart is beautiful and human and very big and open to everyone you meet, even after everything you've gone through. You're brilliant and talented in everything you do and you have endless patience and kindness to everyone. You're humble and you work hard, you're funny to be around and you have that personality, that smile that just draws people to you, Remus, you are enchanting.
Don't allow Greyback and Rowan to take all of that from you, you are still you no matter the things they've done…what they've made you do."
Warm tears slide down Remus' cheeks again, trailing down around his ears and to his neck. "You really think so, love?"
"Oh, I know so," Severus said, pulling him close against him once more, enveloping Remus into his arms and he could feel Severus' beating heart from underneath his chest. "Try to get some sleep, I'll be here holding you, no matter how bad your nightmares get, you'll be safe."
.
.
The next time Remus woke up, he found himself alone in bed. Severus had gone and it was just as well, he had no energy, he was moody and he couldn't stand the idea of being around anyone, of being touched, of having to talk and be okay. He needed to be alone. Getting out of bed seemed like such a big task to do and Remus curled himself into a fetal position at the thought of it, snuggling into his blanket despite the warmth in the room. Feeling himself sink further and further into his foggy mind, the flashes of nightmares and of Severus holding him and whispering to him every time he'd woken.
Remus stayed like that for a long time, paralyzed, unable to move. He heard footsteps at one point and his name being called…but he couldn't reply back. He didn't have the energy.
Then his quarters began to fill with the enticing scents of oatmeal and coffee, causing his stomach to rumble, pulling him out of the fog, clearing his head enough to allow him to finally find the will to get out of bed.
He threw on his favorite jeans and an oversized tan cardigan, seeking comfort in the warm fabric that hid his body, the thinness of it, the scars… And he caught his reflection in the mirror. He smoothed his hair, running his hands through it until it looked presentable. His face was pale and his eyes were no longer golden. Just hazel-green eyes that were haunted and sad, eyes of a human. He then caught the ugly scar on his neck, curling his lips in disgust as he casted a Glamor Charm to hide it.
When Remus entered the kitchen, Severus was there to Remus' surprise. His back was towards him as he stirred a pot of oatmeal on the stovetop, then ladeling it into a bowl. He hadn't noticed Remus entering, so he stepped behind the Potions Master and wrapped his arms around his waist, his chin resting on Severus' shoulder.
"Darling," Severus turned his face a bit to him with relief and surprise in his voice. "I didn't expect you to get up so soon."
"I smelled oatmeal and coffee, brought me out of my funk," Remus muttered. "Thank you for being here with me…for…"
"There's no need for that, wolf."
"You must've been so worried."
"Didn't I promise to you that I'll always be by your side no matter what? This is me upholding that," Severus said, turning around so that they were facing each other.
"Still…" Remus frowned. He then kissed Severus, wanting to show him how much he loved him, how grateful he was of him for sticking with Remus during his darkest moments.
Once they ended the kiss, Severus reached up and moved Remus' hair away from his eyes. "How are you feeling? I went in to check on you about an hour ago and you were pretty much out of it."
"Is that why you're so surprised to see me?"
"I was expecting you to be like that for the day."
Remus shrugged, "Maybe it was because I had a blue-moon that allowed me to snap out of my depression so soon. I'm still upset over my nightmares, but it's all manageable… I think I can function today… What day is it anyway?"
"Hmm…" Severus placed a soft kiss on Remus' lips. "Thank Merlin for blue-moons…" Then to answer Remus' question he said, "Monday morning, you slept all of Sunday away."
"That's just great," Remus sighed at the loss of his weekend. "I need coffee."
Severus turned and reached for the coffee pot, pouring it into a large mug then pouring cream and sugar into it, just the way Remus liked it. "Don't worry about your lessons," he said, handing it over to Remus who took the mug and inhaled the comforting scent. "Take the day off. Vector and I can cover your classes today."
"No, I'll rather teach today," Remus said stubbornly, taking his first sip of his coffee.
"You're exhausted, wolf."
"I can't sit around, I have to keep busy," Remus replied grumpily.
Severus sighed with defeat, turning around to finish serving the oatmeal he made. "Okay, let's have breakfast then."
Just as they were finishing up, Remus was just about to head back to his room to change into his wizarding robes when an owl appeared outside the kitchen window above the sink, tapping its beak rapidly against the glass.
Remus stood up to let it inside, wondering what on earth had happened to the poor owl. It was a mangy-looking, dirty with its feathers sticking up in different directions as it flew right in and dropped a rolled up copy of the Daily Prophet onto the table and then it took off immediately.
Remus and Severus both looked at each other with surprise and confusion, that wasn't a normal postal owl. Before Remus could even decide if he should pick it up or not, Severus pointed his wand and casted a few spells to reveal if there were any hexes or jinxes on it. When he deemed it safe enough, he gestured to Remus to go ahead and open it.
The headline was the first thing Remus noticed because it was circled with a dark-red bloodstain, making him blanch with horror and shock and he almost dropped it, but he forced himself to read it…
A young boy was bitten last night by a werewolf, in his own bed. He was rushed to St. Mungos, only to die from his wounds.
The world was suddenly tilting over like in his dream and he was back in that forest with that pack of werewolves singing to their alpha. The wolf inside him began to awaken again.
"Remus, Remus?" Severus' voice called him back to reality. He looked up at the Potions Master, who was watching Remus with a frown of concern. "What is it?"
Remus handed Severus the newspaper and as he did that, a note fell from its pages.
"Fuck, I'm going to have to alert Albus and the Order about this," Severus said as he read the article.
Remus picked up the note, reading the blood smeared message, and suddenly he couldn't breathe... Breaking out in a cold sweat, Remus dropped the note and ran to the sink, dry-heaving over it. It was Greyback. The attack was his doing, a reminder to Remus that he was their true leader now. That they were waiting, Rowan was waiting. And there was going to be a reminder like this every month until Remus joined them and accepted his place as Alpha. A leader of monsters! That boy died because of me!
The wolf stirred in his soul, awake, howling from Remus' emotions.
"Darling, what is it?" Severus warily asked, looking up from the newspaper.
Remus couldn't answer, closing his eyes and gasping for air. The howls of Greyback's pack still singing in his ears and the way his wolf had joined them in his dreams. Its loyalties had changed from Severus and Harry as its pack, to them… Remus realized with horror.
Severus placed a hand on his shoulder, causing Remus to violently flinch away.
"Hey… Hey… It's okay, we'll get to the bottom of this."
"There's a note!" Remus growled, the wolf inside was full-on fighting Remus for control now.
Severus looked around and found it on the floor, picking it up and cursing as he finished reading it. "Remus, this isn't your fault. That boy's death wasn't because of you, it was Greyback, not you!"
Remus shook his head, feeling himself falling into complete shock that it left him dazed and before he knew it he was running into the bathroom and kneeling over the toilet, vomiting up everything he ate that morning.
"Remus!" Severus called out, following after him.
Without looking, Remus raised up his hand, slamming it shut and warding it, leaving Severus to knock on the door and calling out to Remus to let him in.
And once Remus finally finished puking out his guts, with his throat on fire and his stomach aching, he brushed his teeth to get rid of the acid and terrible taste, completely avoiding his reflection, not wanting to see the gold in his eyes, the monster inside him.
"Remus, let me in, please… Don't shut me out," Severus said to him from the other side of the door.
That little boy was bitten and killed because of him, even though he didn't die by Remus' hand, even though it was Greyback who crawled into that boy's bedroom from the window and bit him, just as he had done with Remus at that same age, Remus felt like he as good as murdered him. Greyback did it for him. If he would have just joined the pack as their alpha, then maybe he could have prevented that horrific attack from happening. Maybe Dumbledore was right, Remus joining as their leader meant he had a great influence in what the pack did, he could stop them from attacking humans if he played his cards right… But could he really do it? Be their leader? Live like them? Eat like them? Tear them apart from the inside? Was he brave enough, strong enough? No… He wasn't.
"Come on, darling…"
Remus didn't answer Severus. He sat down on the floor, leaning his back against the tub, pulling his knees up to his chest and burrowing his face into his lap.
Severus didn't say anything more, but he could see his shadow from underneath the door, could hear him sitting down against it on the other side. They sat in silence until Severus muttered a few curse words and said, "Lessons are starting already… I have to go… Please don't do anything rash, just get me when you decide to come out… Just know, none of this was your fault…"
Remus stayed that way for hours. He couldn't move. The heavy fog that had paralyzed him earlier had come back with a greater force, finally subduing his wolf away in submission again. His heart was consumed with so much disgust, horror and self-loathing, Remus lost sight of the light. He was trapped in darkness where the only thing he could see were red eyes. The only thing he could hear were wolves howling and a young child crying out in pain, a young child dying….
A knock on the door suddenly pulled Remus back to the bathroom.
"Remus, sweetheart, it's me, Tonks," Tonks called out. "Open up."
Remus buried his head deeper into his lap, wishing she could just go away.
"Come on, Remus, listen… I know you've been trying really hard to not drink anymore. But I think this moment calls for an exception. I have a bottle of wine with your name on it."
Remus didn't know what to say to that. Wine sounded nice right about now, the thought of just losing himself to alcohol… To get out of his own head for a few hours… He shouldn't, he worked so hard to not drink since December and to break his streak, the disappointment of it was another thing he didn't need at the moment, plus he couldn't help but picture Severus' disappointment for being so weak against his vices… But the thought of that kid, dead like Kaylie, like all the other werewolf children Remus killed while in his wolf-state-of-mind. Another child to add to his list… And that boy's family grieving for him, that thought finally moved Remus off of the floor. He opened the door to find Tonks peering up at him with great concern etched into her face and in her maroon eyes, the promised wine bottle in her hands.
"Astronomy tower?" was all she asked.
.
.
Not long after, Remus and Tonks were both sitting on the floor on top of the Astronomy tower, their backs to the wall, only because Tonks didn't think it was a good idea to drink while sitting on a ledge that had over a hundred foot drop.
Remus didn't really speak much, so neither did Tonks. All they did was pass the bottle back and forth, until Tonks broke the silence and said, "Snape was the one who called me over."
Surprised, Remus raised an eyebrow at her for an explanation.
"He sent an owl this morning, told me what happened and how you reacted. I'm so sorry that this is happening, Remus."
Remus looked away, not being able to stand the pity in her voice. He took the wine bottle and chugged a good amount of it, feeling the alcohol taking effect.
"You know it wasn't your fault, right? You didn't choose it to happen. You didn't tell them to do it. You had nothing to do with their attack, even if they claimed it was for you," Tonks said, watching as Remus took another generous drink of wine. "Sweetheart, you did not kill that boy."
"Well, it sure feels like it," Remus muttered as he passed the bottle to Tonks who took a sip. "They did it for me. If I would've just stopped hiding from them, maybe this whole thing could have been prevented, that boy could've been alive right now!"
"Taking up Dumbledore's mission would not have solved anything!" Tonks suddenly snapped.
"It would have stopped that boy's death!"
"No, because whether you join them or not, they are going to keep killing until they are either dead or taken into custody!"
Remus took the bottle from her, taking a sip then handing it back.
"By who, Tonks! There was a massive breakout last year. The dementors have left their post. Azkaban can't hold any prisoners like they used to, so don't you dare tell me that the Auror department is doing everything in their power to stop them, not when there is no solid prison to hold two dangerous werewolves!"
"But what about the Order! What about Dumbledore? Don't you have any faith in us?"
"Faith in Albus Dumbledore?" Remus spat, snatching the wine bottle from her. "This is probably going to encourage him even more for me to take the mission, and you know what is killing me right now? After that boy's death, Greyback threatened that there will be more victims every month if I still refuse to join… I'm still choosing not to do it, I'm basically sentencing their future victims to death!" And after he shouted that, his voice echoing in the cool night air, he chugged down the half-empty wine bottle, finishing it off, realizing what it would take for him to do as they wanted, the horror of his nightmares, of hunting humans, becoming the thing he most feared, Remus felt like a coward.
"Remus! Fuck! Severus is going to murder me if you end up drunk tonight!"
"And that is correct, Tonks," Severus' voice startled both of them, causing Remus to almost drop the bottle and for Tonks to curse.
Remus stood up, immediately finding out that Tonks was right, he was feeling woozy already, surprising himself. He had drunk way more than this before even feeling a bit tipsy. Maybe it was because his tolerance had lowered from not drinking for months, maybe it was because he had been throwing up his guts all morning and hadn't had any food or water since then.
And Severus was there, looking pissed as hell, staring daggers into Tonks.
Everything was so foggy and he felt light and clumsy and he wanted to drink more… That way he could forget everything… The boy, the poor boy, and those red-tinted amber eyes, the ones that were always watching him, the one who his wolf spirit was always calling to… Its new pack, its mate….
"Severus, don't be angry at her," Remus slurred, losing his balance a bit and Severus was immediately at his side, his hand gripping onto Remus' upper arm tightly, steadying him. Dark eyes peered intensely at him.
"Fuck, you're pissed, alright… Come on, let's get you to bed," was all the Potions Master said, prying the empty bottle out of Remus' hands.
"Hey, don't be so rough with him!" Tonks suddenly shouted.
Bristling, Severus whipped his head towards her, "I trusted you to watch him! To make sure he doesn't hurt himself, and I find you two drinking!" he shouted. "Don't you even care how hard he worked to go months being sober?! Of course you don't! You miss your little drinking buddy, don't you?"
"Severus… Please… Stop fighting…" Remus said, speaking slowly so he could speak properly. "She's my best…"
Severus looked back at him, snapping, "Some friend she is!"
"I was only trying to help! It was the only way to get him out of the bathroom! It's better than the worst case scenario you were so worried about when you called me!"
Severus didn't say anymore, he turned away from her, leading a stumbling Remus away and back to his quarters in the Defense wing.
Harry had been walking back and forth, pacing the corridor, trying to get the Room of Requirement to appear for him as the room did for Draco. The invisibility cloak was on the floor in a crumpled heap. The Marauder's Map was open and in his hands, keeping an eye out for Draco's dot suddenly appearing near him.
When Harry was at the hospital wing, he had ordered Dobby and Kreacher to secretly follow Draco and find out what he's been doing to disappear off the map. He couldn't believe he didn't think of that before and the success he had from it helped assuage his frustration over his missed opportunity due to the disastrous Quidditch match. Just a week after his orders, Dobby found out that it was the Room of Requirement, whoever enters it disappears off the map, and the people Draco was seen entering the room with, Harry had figured out it was Crabbe and Goyle using Polyjuice Potion to guard Draco. But after finding all of that out, Harry still felt no closer to finding out what Draco was doing in there. Every chance he got for the past weeks, he'd been coming up here to try and get the room to open as Draco's room, but without much success at all.
Harry wondered if Severus knew about this, if he knew all along how Draco was disappearing off the map for months, it would explain why he didn't seem bothered about it. And if he did know, did he know what Draco was doing inside the Room of Requirement? An ugly feeling in his stomach at the thought of Severus hiding all of this formed, but Harry pushed it away, reminding himself that Severus had no choice in the matter. He was a spy, he was working with Dumbledore to help Draco and that Harry had to trust Severus to do his job, but he still hated the fact that Severus was keeping it all from him.
Harry had promised Severus that he would let Draco be, and this time Harry was going to keep that promise. The last few encounters solved nothing, except to push Draco further away. Harry knew that now and accepted that Draco wasn't going to open up to him. He was letting that go… However, he hadn't said anything about stopping his own private investigations.
Suddenly footsteps and voices interrupted the silent corridor, causing Harry to stop pacing, tensing, ready to grab the cloak. He looked down at the map, seeing with surprise Severus' and Remus' dots on the same floor as he, but to his relief, they were heading away from him, towards the staircases that would lead them down to the Defense wing. They had no idea Harry was in front of the Room of Requirement. He wondered what they were doing up here so late, and made sure not to move an inch until he was certain they were too far away to hear him, Severus would certainly scold Harry if he found him here.
Harry was more surprised to see Remus out of his quarters more than anything. Since the full-moon, Remus had been absent… And with the headlines of the Daily Prophet this morning, Harry wasn't expecting to see him any time soon. Severus and Professor Vector had covered all of his classes today.
Harry recalled the mood Severus was in during the sixth year's Defense lessons. Trying to get the Room of Requirement to open and losing track of time because of it, Harry had arrived late to class, only to be greeted with a short-tempered and nasty Severus Snape instead of Remus.
There was a moment in class when Seamus Finnegan had asked Severus the difference between an Inferius and a ghost, Harry at the time was caught talking to Hermione and Ron, Severus called him out on it and made him answer the question.
Harry glared at Severus, then noticing the slight twitch of his lips, the way he seemed bothered, but not by the students, it was something else. He was acting nasty to hide his worries and it had to be for Remus, causing Harry to worry about his papa's absence as well, and Harry didn't fall for the bait like he usually did, always getting upset over Severus' harsh behavior in class. He understood this time, wanted to distract him, and he decided the best way to do that was to put on a show.
He shrugged, playing it cool, quickly giving his dad a wink and said, "Well, you see, ghosts are transparent…"
Severus scowled, interrupting him from finishing with an equally sarcastic comeback, his lip curling up a bit as if he were trying not to laugh, quickly winking back so swiftly that no one had noticed it but Harry.
After class was dismissed, Harry stayed behind.
"Sorry about that," Harry smirked as he approached his dad who was clearing up Remus' desk. "I just wanted to get a rise out of you to distract you from Remus. It was fun, just like old times, wasn't it?"
Severus looked at him with his dark eyes, "Your plan worked, I was fuming. You really can be a smart-ass when you want to be, can you?"
"Ah, I can't take all the credit now, it was mainly because of growing up with Dudley. He was such an easy target."
Severus shook his head with exasperation, "What am I going to do with you?"
Harry smiled, then grew hesitant as Severus asked, "Why were you late to class?"
"I had to use the loo."
Severus narrowed his eyes, catching the obvious lie.
Harry continued speaking before he could question him anymore on his tardiness. "How's Remus? You only get really nasty like that in class when you two are fighting or you're worried about him."
And Severus seemed to finally take off his mask, deflating a bit as he sat down on Remus' desk chair. "I'm sure you've read the paper this morning?"
"Yeah, of that boy being attacked by a werewolf and dying… Don't tell me Remus is blaming himself for that?"
Severus frowned, "It's more than that… Greyback sent Remus a copy of the Prophet with a nice letter to him… It was him, he did it for Remus."
"Why?" Harry asked with shock and worry for his papa more than ever before.
Severus only shook his head with guilt and regret, "I'm sorry, son. I can't reveal any more than that."
Harry had sighed out with frustration at his dad's answer, trying to understand, trying his hardest to not speak out on how unfair this all was to be kept in the dark about everything. He reminded himself over and over to trust Severus, that he wasn't choosing to be silent, but was only being forced to. Harry could see it in him, that Severus was just as frustrated about all of this as Harry was, and seeing that, he was able to let it all go.
Harry continued to pace the corridor. Severus' and Remus' dots were now in Remus' quarters, most likely turning in for the night now. Harry breathed out with relief from almost getting caught by them, and not wanting to push his luck anymore, he decided to call it quits before anyone else had decided to walk down this floor late at night. He was just picking up his invisibility cloak when he heard his name rang out across the corridor, startling him, he turned around to see Tonks holding her wand up and lit with a Lumos Charm.
"Tonks," Harry greeted sheepishly.
"What are you doing, isn't there a curfew?" she asked with surprise.
Harry shrugged, noticing how upset she looked. Even her question didn't have any feeling to it, as if she didn't really care what Harry gave her as an answer. Her hair was mousy brown and her eyes were blue and watery, her face flushed and he wondered what had happened to her to upset her. Tonks was always so happy and cheerful, always causing everyone to laugh, and seeing her so downhearted, it was unsettling.
"I… I was trying to see Dumbledore…" Harry quickly said.
Tonks snorted, "You may as well just head back to your dormitory before you get caught by anyone else. We've been trying to send word to him all day. I'm sure you've read the Prophet?"
At the mention of Dumbledore's absence, even during something as important as the deadly headlines on the Prophet, Harry couldn't help but feel frustration and worry again, wondering if Tonks was upset over that, knowing she was close with Remus as well, she was probably worried for him like Severus was today. The last time Harry had seen the headmaster was weeks ago during their last lesson. It wasn't really a lesson, Harry had failed to retrieve Slughorn's memory and Dumbledore with great disappointment that left Harry feeling terrible, dismissed him. There wouldn't be any more lessons until Harry retrieved it and he wondered once that day finally arrived, how would he even find the headmaster when something as important as a werewolf attack that was linked to Remus couldn't bring him back to the castle?
Harry couldn't sleep that night, tossing and turning in his bed.
He was worried for Remus, he kept wondering what Draco was doing in the Room of Requirement and thinking up more phrases to get inside the right room, he was running out of them, nothing worked… And he kept wondering about what Severus couldn't say to him, what made Tonks so upset tonight, making him worry more about his papa… And Dumbledore's absence… The guilt and how he was nowhere near getting that memory still... Harry lit up his wand, feeling the need to cut from his rising anxiety, from all the things he had no control over… He needed control… Harry picked up the Prince's book to distract himself, his eyes glossing over the spell written in a corner of a page: Sectumsempra: Use for enemies….
Next update will be mid-September, hopefully earlier!
Review Responses:
LightsCameraPotter: haha you are very welcome!
CityGirl7768: Thank you for your lovely comment and suggestion =)
Guest(Lizzie): Yeah sometime throughout the story I sort of got torn between the two ships… And it has somehow turned into a love triangle lol and I'm not saying anymore than that. Thank you for your review!