This story now updates on Archive of Our Own only.

My username and the story title are the same over there. The story is NOT locked to users only so can be viewed without needing an AO3 account. There are more chapters posted there already as well.

Sorry to anyone who is disappointed by this :( but posting here has become quite draining (variety of reasons) and I hope that if you have been enjoying this story you'll check it out over there!

Sora's stomach dropped and he froze, staring in shock at the Wayfinder she was holding out to him.

"Your... charm..." He reached out a shaking hand and carefully took it, gazing at it in disbelief.

"Yeah..." Kairi was a little confused by the intensity of his reaction.

"But, it was broken? It smashed?"

"I found it in your jacket pocket, so I fixed it. You brought it back to me, and I wanted to give it back to you again when you woke up."

"You fixed it?" He looked at her, then beamed with joy, eyes filling with tears that she hadn't expected. "Kairi, I thought… I thought it was gone." He looked back down at it. Most of the cracks showed, but he thought it was probably the most beautiful object he'd ever seen.

"Sora, are you OK?"

'Ye-Yeah." He wiped his eyes on the back of his hand. "It's just... After a while this was the only thing that kept me going, it was the only connection to home I had left. When it got smashed..." He tried to hold back more tears, the memory was still so raw.

He looked into her eyes, wanting her to know how much it meant to him. "Thank you so much Kairi."

"Well… thanks for bringing it back." She smiled a little awkwardly, then frowned. "Sora, are you sure you're OK?"

He held out his hand with the Wayfinder in his palm and tried to summon his Keyblade for the first time since he came back to this world. The Oathkeeper blade appeared in his hand, good as new. He gasped, then let out a short laugh of delight. He'd thought he'd never see it again. He dismissed the Keyblade before it became too heavy for him, and the Wayfinder was left behind in his hand. He took a deep, steadying breath, and held it to his chest, eyes closed. "I'm glad I managed to collect all the pieces."

"Sora?" Kairi reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. He turned back to her, with his wonderful, joyful smile that she loved so much. But she was still worried. "How did it break?"

His smile faltered and he looked back at the charm. "That man in the cloak smashed it, just a few days before you got there. I think he realised how much it meant to me and that it was..."
the only thing stopping Rage
"...the only thing keeping me sane at that point, so he smashed it."

He stopped, and she waited quietly until he was ready to keep going. "He was trying to provoke me I think, and it worked."

He leaned back into the pillows, staring up at the roof and thinking, still holding the charm to his chest. "He wanted me to stop just trying to keep the Heartless off me, and actually try to fight him. I don't know why he hadn't just attacked me before though... after he smashed it I started looking for him, but-"

"What? You were looking for him?" Kairi was the one staring in shock now, but Sora didn't pick up on the horror in her voice.

"Yeah, he was the one who found me though. Just before you guys turned up he appeared and that's when we started fighting." He frowned. "I wonder if he knew you were coming..."

"But, didn't you know he was going to hurt you? You said you knew he was powerful?"

"Yeah, I knew I probably wouldn't be able to beat him, but I thought I'd at least be able to get a few hits in before the end... it was barely even a battle though," he mused, smiling wryly at the roof.

"But... I don't understand, why would you do that?" He noticed the distress in her voice this time and turned to her looking confused.

"What do you mean?"

"If you knew you were going to lose... why would you choose to fight him?"

"I dunno. I didn't really care about that, I just wanted to fight back."

"You didn't care?"

"Yeah, I don't think I even thought about it." Judging from her expression she wanted more of an explanation. He put the charm down on the bedside table, then rubbed the back of his head awkwardly and looked away.

"I mean, I'd been in that place for so long and hadn't seen anyone except for him, apart from Yozora, and he had disappeared. I'd searched everywhere and hadn't found anyone else or any way of getting out, and the Heartless attacked so much I didn't have any time or energy to look anymore." He paused again, thinking back on watching the Wayfinder being crushed before his eyes.

"I was so angry after he broke the charm, and I'd already given up on finding a way back, so… what would have been the point in not fighting him, you know?"

They both sat in silence for a few moments.

"To live."

"Huh?" He turned back to her and was horrified to find her looking so… heartbroken. So sad. She was staring down at her lap, eyes shining.

"To live… to stay alive… that would have been the point Sora."

"Ohh…oh!"

He realised now why she was upset. He sat up and waved his hand, trying to take back what he had said, and ignoring the stab in his chest from moving too fast. "No, no! I didn't mean that I didn't want to survive, or anything like that! I… I just meant…" He trailed off. When he didn't go on she raised her head.

"What did you mean then?"

"I…" He dropped his gaze, considering her words. What had he meant, if not that? He wasn't sure. It wasn't like he had wanted to die, that wasn't true at all. He was thrilled to still be alive! But as he thought about that place… what it had been like there, how it had felt to lose hope of seeing his friends again, to be alone and so, so tired… his chest tightened.

"I guess… I guess I just didn't care if I lived or not anymore. I just wanted it all to be over. Huh… I hadn't even realised."

Kairi placed her hand on top of his and he looked back up at her. She hastily wiped away the tears in her eyes with her free hand and stared back. "Sora…"

"But it's fine now!" He grinned, "I'm back, thanks to you guys! So everything's great now! Please don't cry." He was smiling widely, the same joyful and infectious smile as before.

"I'm sorry I upset you."

She shifted herself onto the bed and, doing her best to avoid his injuries, wrapped her arms around him. She wanted to tell him to take his apology back, that he shouldn't feel bad for any of her sadness, that none of this was his fault. Instead, she just held on to him. After getting over his initial surprise at Kairi's actions, Sora slowly put his unbroken arm around her too.

"Yeah… everything is OK now. You're safe, got it?"

Sora was confused.

"Y-yeah, are you OK Ka-"

"No, listen to me Sora. You're back and you're safe. You're not alone now."

"Kairi-"

"We won't let you end up back there, I'm not letting you go again, all right?"

Sora didn't respond, trying to process what she was saying.

"I've told you before, you're safe with me."

He felt frozen, unsure of what he was feeling.

"Kairi..."

"We're not going to let you go Sora."

His throat was starting to burn.

"You're not alone now."

They sat in silence for several seconds.

Then something in him broke, a wall he hadn't realised was there.

He gripped Kairi tightly and all of a sudden found himself crying as well. The misery and fear he had felt were coming back to him, flooding him. He'd been trying to ignore it, bury it, pretend it hadn't happened, but now it was coming out.

The loneliness. The torture of it all. Sitting on river banks wishing for just one more second at home.

Tears turned into gasping sobs and shaking shoulders. He felt waves crashing down on him, everything breaking through all at once. All Kairi could do was hold on to him tightly, let him know she was there, and wait for the storm to pass.

They sat there for a long time, neither quite sure how long.

Eventually, Sora stopped sobbing and loosened his grip around Kairi. His chest was aching badly, but the tight ball of anxiety that had been sitting there since he woke up had loosened a little. Kairi drew back, and he hastily tried to wipe his eyes and nose before she saw what a mess he was. She did the same.

"Th… thanks"

In any other situation, Sora would have been embarrassed, but he wasn't right now. They stared at each other, puffy-eyed and with blotchy faces, and smiled, giggling at how ridiculous they looked. Sora grimaced slightly at a pain in his chest as he laughed.

"You should really lie back down."

"I guess…" he sighed. With her help he slowly leant back, slinking lower into the bed so he could lie flat.

"You OK?"

"Yeah," he replied, automatically.

She tilted her head and raised an eyebrow. "You sure?"

"Well… I'm feeling better than before" He paused and thought a bit longer. "Yeah, I'm OK."

"Just remember I'm here if you're not, and so is Riku, and everyone else." He smiled back at her and nodded.

He was tired though, he'd been awake too long again and crying had left his chest aching. He tried to suppress a yawn, and Kairi giggled. She took his hand in both of hers.

They stayed that way for a while, each thankful for their friend's company. Sora's exhaustion soon got the better of him and his eyelids started to droop. "Sorry… I don't think I can stay awake much longer…"

"Just go to sleep" she laughed. "I'll still be here when you wake up." He grinned wearily and closed his eyes.

Once she was sure he was sleeping she reached out and ran a hand through his messy hair. The gash on his temple was still covered up with bandages, but a horrible bruise extended out from under it onto his forehead. If only they'd found him sooner…

But they had found him, and that's what mattered.