The complete version of this story is on Archive of Our Own, under the same username and title, but I'm not planning on updating here frequently (FFN interface is a nightmare...)
Part Two: Learn to Live Again
The First Month
The first few days were full of happiness and wonder.
It seemed as though a whole new world had opened up before them. A world where there was joy in every moment as they explored this new way of being together, these new ways of knowing each other. Ways they never could have imagined before.
But even on that very first day, the ache began to creep back into his chest. That night the cold metal chains began taking their hold around his ribs, and the dread of nightmares played on his mind.
The next morning it was gone, the magic of this new world with Riku eclipsing all else. But then it reared its cruel head again, and this time well before nightfall. Each day it crept up several hours after he woke, arriving earlier every time. Once it began it couldn't be stopped, and he would feel himself spiralling, being dragged down.
And then he found it never left. At the end of that first week, he woke one morning with stone in his chest and no light in his eyes.
For a time after that, every day was a bad day.
Some were worse, some better, but each one was a battle.
On the better days, they would make the most of the small amount of energy he had. He and Riku would walk through the castle grounds and sit outside in the sun together, sometimes watching the others train, and Riku occasionally joining in. Other times they would find a quiet spot in the castle library and just talk, beginning to make up for all the time they had been forced to spend apart these past few years.
Riku started carrying a book with him whenever they ventured into the castle gardens, knowing if they sat down the chances of Sora falling asleep with his head in his lap at any moment were high. More inconveniently he would frequently doze off while sitting between his knees, leant back against him with his head tucked under Riku's chin, pinning him against whatever tree or wall he was leaning on. Riku considered these the best of the bad days.
On other days, these things were just too difficult. Sora's world would become very small. It consisted of little more than a bed, a couch Riku had dragged into their room, and the kitchen table. It was big enough for now though. Or maybe it was just small enough.
At times like these, when walking in the gardens was out of his reach, he would force himself to go sit in the living room with the others for at least a little while. Getting out of bed and doing something, anything at all, made those days a success, even if that something was nothing but watching his friends play cards in the evening.
On the worst days, Riku was happy if he could just get Sora to eat.
Speaking could be close to impossible. Every little thing took mammoth amounts of his limited energy. Even blinking felt tiring. His only goal on these days was to survive.
To keep existing.
To keep breathing as he lay frozen, staring into space while Riku stayed by his side.
On the occasions when his nightmares came, these days would often follow.
He didn't understand. Why would he feel this terrible now, instead of endless joy? Shouldn't falling in love make things better? At least a little? Shouldn't it make life feel worth living? But it didn't make things better. What he felt wasn't joy at all. It was sadness. A deep, ever-present, all-consuming sadness.
There really wasn't any other word for what he felt. No poetic prose or fanciful phrase. It was just pure, debilitating, clawing sadness. One so deep it manifested physical pain and sapped all his strength away.
But, at the same time, to say he was 'sad' didn't encompass it at all. When people asked the others how things were or questioned why they would politely rebuff requests to visit, to simply tell them Sora was feeling too sad to see anyone was such a grotesque understatement that it felt like a lie. It was something so profoundly different that calling it being sad just seemed wrong.
So they took to telling people that he was sick. Then they began referring to it that way themselves. Calling it a sickness seemed the most honest way to describe it.
Spending so much time sitting around and trying to occupy himself these past few weeks had made Riku realise he didn't actually know what he liked to spend his time doing. The past few years had been filled with nothing but fighting, desperately trying to stay alive and keep the people he cared about safe. He'd had no time for hobbies or rest.
Before the islands fell to darkness almost all of his free time had been spent simply hanging out with Sora and Kairi. Whether it was building their raft, competing with Sora on their island while Kairi played referee, or just hours spent talking at each other's homes after school, that was what they had done.
A similar realisation had struck Kairi when she had found herself at home on the islands with no Sora or Riku to spend her days with. She had other school friends of course, but it wasn't the same. The breaks in training with Aqua had also left her with free time she didn't know what to do with. She'd taken to writing, and drawing with the pencils Naminé had gifted her. The Classic Kingdom games had become her main distraction during the more painful times though, when she waited for news about Sora, and while she had sat by his bedside.
Those little games had always bored Riku, and there was only so much time he could spend training or staring at the photos his friends shared on the gummi network. At first, he had simply defaulted to reading because it was the most obvious thing to do, and had rediscovered something he used to love when he was younger. He'd forgotten how many hours he and Sora had spent lying on the floor in their childhood rooms reading comics together.
He didn't like sitting and reading while he kept Sora company on the worst days though. Sora was so mentally drained that Riku was certain reading a book over his shoulder wouldn't be easy for him right now, and he desperately wanted to try and distract Sora from his misery.
Because of this, Riku found himself grateful that the games Donald's Uncle Scrooge created had been so successful.
The shrewd duck had decided to expand this part of his business empire. Donald's stories of the Toy Box world had piqued his interest and he had gone to do some snooping, bringing back thousands of ideas, and a treasure trove of technology for him, Chip, and Dale to pick through.
The result was, not only were there now a range of new phone games for Kairi to get addicted to, but several games that Riku actually found interesting. Uncle Scrooge had asked all of the wielders and their friends to test out his new products, a range of Gummi phone-like devices built just for these new games of his. Riku didn't think much of the name Gummi Game Station, or Chip and Dale's short version Gummi GS, but at least they seemed to stick with a theme.
Whenever getting out of bed was too much for Sora, Riku would sit with him and play these games to keep himself occupied. It gave Sora something to try and focus on, to pull his attention away from the mental and physical pains. They spent many an hour curled up together, Riku with his arms around Sora, and Sora lying on his chest so he could watch him play when he wasn't sleeping.
Riku wasn't sure if it was because he was still recovering from how far he'd had to push his body in Quadratum, how severely depressed he was, or a combination of the two, but Sora still spent much of his time sleeping. Now that the nightmares were no longer constant this wasn't such a bad thing though. When he was asleep he at least wasn't in pain.
Maybe sleep was just what he needed right now. He'd been pushing himself to the brink in the name of just carrying on for so long; it was one of the main things that had caused him to crash this hard. It would make sense if what he needed, more than anything, was to rest in every possible way.
When Riku returned in the early afternoon and opened the door to their room, he found Sora still in bed, in the exact spot where he had fallen asleep the night before. It looked like he hadn't moved at all since Riku left that morning.
"Hey," he called out softly, speaking quietly in case he was asleep. Sora didn't reply but when Riku sat down beside him he saw his eyes were open, and dark. Riku put a hand on his.
"Really bad day?"
It was several seconds before Sora managed to react, and slowly turn to face him. "Yeah..." His voice was quiet and slightly hoarse, as though it had been a while since he had used it.
In the two weeks since they had come back from the island they had learnt there was nothing they could really do on days like this but wait it out, and hope the next was a little easier. It was unfortunate this one had lined up with a morning when Riku was away. He squeezed Sora's hand gently.
"Had anything to eat today?" He shook his head and Riku stood up. "Well, I'm starving, I'll get you something too." As he made his way to the door Sora called out to him though.
"Riku?"
"Yeah?" He turned back, and Sora had lifted his head from the pillow for the first time that day to look over at him.
"When I said it's OK if you don't want to stay here with me... I just wanted you to know, it's OK if you change your mind."
"What?" Riku stared at him, open-mouthed. This was the first time Sora had brought this up since the night they had kissed on the island. Was he really still afraid he would want to leave? He came back to sit down on the bed and took Sora's hand again. "I'm not going to change my mind, you don't have to worry about that happening."
"If this never goes away though..."
"I'll still be here." He tugged on Sora's arm gently to get him to sit up and pulled him into a hug. "I'll be here Sora. I love you."
It took Sora a few moments to put the words together before he returned the hug and mumbled into Riku's neck. "Love you too."
They had probably told each other a hundred times by now, but it still felt new whenever they said the words. A tiny spark of warmth in Sora's chest each time, despite the ever-present ache.
Riku pulled back and pressed their foreheads together. "We're going to get through this," he said, rubbing Sora's arms gently.
Sora couldn't figure out if he believed him or not. His brain and heart were arguing with each other and themselves.
He wanted to believe him. He wanted to believe Aqua too when she told him that even if it felt like he would be stuck this way forever, even if his mind was screaming at him that things couldn't possibly get better... that one day things would feel OK again. He wanted to believe them both so badly.
But his mind was still screaming at him.
Telling him things couldn't possibly get better. Telling him he would always feel like this. Telling him even if it was possible for him to feel happier one day it wouldn't matter. He would be too tired, too drained, and too worn down to do anything anyway. Too weary to ever enjoy anything again.
He was spent.
There was nothing before him but exhaustion and emptiness. That was all he could believe right now.
When he didn't say anything Riku kissed his forehead and put his arms around him again. "We're going to get through this, trust me."
Trust me...
He might not be able to bring himself to believe right now, but trust...
"OK."
He could trust Riku, and he would just have to believe for both of them for a while.
Today was a day for surviving and nothing else, so they would wait, and hold on to the thought that the next day would be a little easier.
But this time, the next day wasn't better.
The night had been torture, far worse than any of those when he was plagued by nightmares. Instead of those, sleep had evaded him for hours and he had cried into Riku's shoulder, as he felt his organs decaying away inside him. It feels like I'm dying, he had choked through the tears before sleep had finally taken him, and words had never torn at Riku's heart so much.
Sora woke in even more pain than the previous morning.
When Riku came into the kitchen around midday, using the time Sora was napping to eat and stretch his legs, he found Kairi, Aqua, and Ven sitting together. "Hey," Kairi called out to him with a grin, but it faltered when she saw his expression and Sora didn't follow him in.
"Hey." He was grateful someone had already brewed a pot of coffee, and poured himself a mug before joining the three of them at the table.
His stress must have shown on his face because Aqua gave him a concerned look. "How are you, Riku?"
He opened his mouth to reply, then closed it again as the reflexive I'm fine stuck in his throat. He took a moment to actually think about the question. "I'm not great." It was an understatement, and he hadn't expected it to be.
"Is it a bad day?" Kairi asked.
"Yeah," he sighed. "This is the first time he's had two really bad ones in a row... I think he's getting worse." It was only now that he said it out loud that he realised just how scared he was. The tight ball of anxiety in his gut seemed to have spread. It started prickling at the back of his throat. He drank some coffee, hoping it might burn away the sting.
"Maybe he just needs a bit of a push to get out and do something, try and make himself feel better?" Ven piped up hopefully. "You guys haven't come out of your room much in ages!"
Riku cringed internally. He knew Ven was just trying to help, but not leaving their room wasn't something Sora was choosing to do. If getting out of bed was an option for him right now Riku knew he would be taking it. He wasn't sure how to explain that to Ven though. "I don't think pushing him is going to help right now, he's exhausted."
"Really?" Sora had been resting for weeks. Ven didn't understand, how could he possibly still be tired? Riku nodded and looked so dismal Ven didn't question him further.
"I know he was already feeling awful a few weeks ago but he's so much worse now... Even if he wasn't getting better it shouldn't be getting worse, it doesn't make sense..." His hands tightened around the hot cup and Kairi reached out and placed a hand on his arm. He looked up at Aqua, hoping that she could offer some insight into Sora's situation once again. "Why would it be getting worse?"
She pondered his question. It did seem illogical, that Sora would be sinking further into this abyss now, right when he could finally stop and take the time to heal. But then again, maybe that was the reason.
"Maybe... until now he hasn't been able to just stop, and let himself feel it," she suggested. "I felt fine for a while after I got back, even great after the three of us finally got to come home." She gave Ven a smile.
He returned it, but then his face fell. "Yeah, and then you got sad."
She nodded. "It wasn't until all the fighting was over that it really came back. There was so much at stake at the time, I couldn't let it come out." She looked back down at the table, feeling miserable about this realisation. "Sora had to keep pushing himself and keep holding everything thing else down for so long just so he could survive, and now he doesn't need to."
"Which means it can all finally come out..." Riku finished the thought for her, an ache of his own settling in his chest.
"Maybe things need to get worse before they get better," Kairi murmured sadly.
Aqua nodded again. "He's been fighting this for a long time, it must have been building up for that whole year."
Riku frowned. "Actually, I think it might have been longer than that..."
He'd known things had been hard for Sora in those months following the shambles of that exam. Losing his powers had been a horrible blow, and no matter how happy he had been for Riku when he passed it had still clearly hurt him that he didn't as well. But... it was more than that.
Sora hadn't even seen the point in taking that test. He had only taken it in the first place to support him. Sora had gone into it confident, feeling like he had already proven himself, just there because he believed in Riku and wanted to be there for him. But then he'd woken up to be told he wasn't good enough to be a Keyblade master after all.
And then there was that moment in the Keyblade Graveyard. That horrible, torturous moment when it seemed all their friends had been lost and he had seen Sora broken. Broken in a way he had never seen him before.
Alone, I'm worthless.
Riku couldn't comprehend how Sora could ever see himself as worthless. But he did.
He had been masking his pain long before he was trapped in Quadratum. Maybe even before these adventures began.
"I hope this is as bad as it gets..." Riku's voice had become strained and the back of his throat was still stinging. "I thought things were hard for me but I don't think I ever felt anything like what he is right now..."
"Terra did I think," Aqua said, recalling the days she had spent keeping him company as he stared into the distance in silence, trapped inside his own mind. "Or something similar. Things for him were really awful for a while."
"Yeah, I remember that," Ven said sadly. "It seemed like he was barely alive for a while." Aqua and Tera had done their best to hide the extent of their misery from Ventus, a task made slightly easier when he began spending more time with the group in Twilight Town, but it had been impossible to keep it secret entirely.
"Pain is pain, and I think we all feel these things differently..." Aqua sighed, wishing she had something more useful to say. She knew the agony of watching someone you love suffer like this, just as well as she knew that suffering. "Is there anything we can do Riku? To help you as well I mean."
He shook his head but smiled at her. "Nah, just talking about it is helpful, thanks."
Kairi was feeling almost as worried for him as she was for Sora now, and squeezed his arm. "How about I stay with him today and you can go do something else? Have a bit of a break?" she offered.
He shook his head again though. "Thanks Kairi, but I don't think it will make me feel much better."
She nodded and withdrew her hand, understanding, though disappointed. She missed Sora and would have liked some time together even while he was like this. She was missing Riku as well.
She knew she should have expected things to change between the three of them, now that Riku and Sora were a couple, no matter how much she disliked change. It would be happening even if Sora wasn't sick, but she hadn't really given it much thought until now. She was happy they were finally together - she wouldn't have it any other way - and knew she would just have to get used to things being different. But, that didn't change the fact that she missed them.
Riku hadn't been expecting it but noticed her dejection as she looked back down at the table sadly. He realised this short conversation was probably the most time he'd spent with her in days, and she had seen Sora even less. "Do you want to come hang out though?"
Her head popped back up in surprise and then she beamed at him. "Yeah, I would."
When Sora opened his eyes later that afternoon he found Kairi and Riku sitting on the couch together, Kairi lying down with her phone held up above her face, and her feet on top of Riku's legs as he read.
"Hey Kairi," he said in a small voice.
She looked around and smiled at him. "Hey Sora." When he gave no reaction, and just blinked at her blankly, she sat up to make some space. "Want to come join?"
It took Sora a few moments to respond, talking and moving always took a little longer for him than normal right now, but then he pushed himself up slowly and nodded. The others grinned at him as he sat down. He moved the pillow Kairi had been using onto his lap and put his arms around her shoulders so he could replace it.
"What're you playing?" he asked as she leaned back against him.
"Tsum Tsum, have to practice to protect my champion title. Pence is getting really good..."
Riku snorted. She stuck her tongue out at him, and the corners of Sora's mouth twitched. He spent the rest of the day silent, as the others chatted, glad they were there, even if he couldn't feel the same enjoyment they did.
In the end, Riku did take Kairi up on her offer and left to train and get some exercise for the first time in over a week. It wasn't until he returned that he realised how badly he had needed it. The crawling anxiety in his limbs seemed to have relaxed a little. It was a necessary reminder that he, just like Sora, had others there to help them and that he truly needed it sometimes. He guessed they both still needed to work on their tendency to try and bear every burden alone.
When Kairi eventually left and this painful day came to a welcome end, Riku fell asleep hoping, like he always did, that the next would be better.
The Second Month
"God dammit..." Riku muttered, as for the 6th time that day the red letters Game Over flashed on the screen.
He'd been enjoying this game more than the previous few he'd played, but wasn't sure how many more times he could attempt to get through this particular cave full of traps before he threw the GS at the wall.
"Can I try?"
Riku turned to Sora, lying next to him in bed. He wondered for a moment if he was just hearing things, but Sora was looking up at him, waiting for an answer.
He beamed at him. "Yeah, sure." He passed the game and shifted so he could sit behind him, with his arms around his shoulders, and watch him play instead. Sora began testing out the controls and the green-capped adventurer on the screen waved their sword wildly. Riku grinned to himself as he nuzzled into Sora's hair.
Sora had only ever watched him play before, his own gaming device still sitting in its box on the desk. For weeks he had been passive, quietly lying beside him as Riku read or talked, or silently watching the game screen with hollow eyes, at most occasionally pointing out an item he had forgotten to pick up or a door he hadn't tried.
But today he wanted to play.
He wanted to do something.
It was progress.
No one told him he had to smile right now, that there were "no sad faces" here.
Here he was able to just be.
And now that he could, he realised how long it had been since he truly had been able to just... be.
For so long he had done nothing but survive. Nothing but battle constantly, day in and day out to get through. He hadn't realised just how much of that struggle had been internal as well. He had been fighting more than Heartless, Nobodies, Unversed, and hooded strangers.
He was only now coming to terms with how long he had been battling this thing, and how hard he had been working to hold it back that whole time. He was sure now it had begun creeping in far before he faded from this world.
That day when Xehanort had almost succeeded in making him his vessel. When he had been dragged so deep into his dreams, and worn down so far that there was nothing left of him. When he had woken to find himself weak and useless again. Woken to be told that after all this time, after everything he had done, after trying so hard to be the hero everyone had told him he was meant to be, that he had to be... he wasn't worthy of being a Keyblade Master at all, that he had never been that hero.
Maybe that had been it.
Since then it had been slowly building in the background, so slowly he hadn't realised until it had become too much. He wasn't sure when he had stopped living, and started simply surviving.
He was still fighting, but now the war only needed to be waged on one front.
He wasn't living yet, but surviving was getting easier.
His exhaustion was still severe. Before this sickness truly set in his strength had been slowly returning, but with his descent into melancholy, it had faded again. It had seemed for a while that all his progress had been for nothing. But now, by fractions, it was returning again.
Most days he found himself able to leave his room. For over two weeks he hadn't been able to face the thought of leaving the castle, but now he found he had the strength to walk up and down the entrance stairs, so he and Riku had started wandering again. Sitting outside in the sun didn't make him feel happy but, on the days he could manage it, it helped.
Even with this improvement though, he still spent many hours each day bedridden. Walking too far one day could mean aching muscles for days afterwards. When Kairi asked Baymax if they should be concerned by how fatigued and weak Sora still was, she had been both relieved and disappointed when Baymax told her it wasn't unexpected. The amount of damage he had been forced to do to his body would likely still take several more weeks, possibly months, to heal. There was no way to tell exactly how long.
In addition to their training, Ven and Kairi were now forced to start doing something none of them had done in a very long time. Schoolwork.
Roxas had been excited by the prospect of going to high school with Hayner and the others, and Xion had been ecstatic, both thrilled to finally get to live a more normal life. Ven and Kairi were less thrilled.
Ven immediately came around to the idea though when Terra suggested they attend the High School in Twilight Town as well. Without Master Eraqus it would have fallen to him and Aqua to teach them as well as train them. With Heartless popping up occasionally in other worlds and Yen Sid still assigning missions, they weren't going to easily find time to come up with lessons or homework assignments. Neither were particularly keen on the idea either, particularly as they had witnessed Ven as a student before.
And so Terra had decided the best plan for everyone would be for both Ven and Kairi to join Roxas and the others at their school. Actual teachers and being with their friends seemed a much better environment, and if commuting by Keyblade glider became too time consuming there were spare rooms at the no-longer-abandoned mansion they could use on school nights.
While Kairi liked this idea much more than the homeschool-style alternative, she still resented having to do this. Seeing Riku and Sora even less, and being at school without them sounded miserable. She held on to the hope that once Sora was feeling better they might come join them. Aqua and Terra would never dream of insisting Sora go to school with them. Even if he was physically capable, they knew at this stage in his recovery it would almost certainly do more harm than good.
Riku didn't have a clue what was going to happen in regard to his education. He had missed several years of high school, and in a normal world he would be in his final one now. Though a master, and so technically on the same level as the older two, and almost 18, he was fairly sure if it weren't for Sora, Aqua and Terra would have suggested he start studying as well. Apparently, there was also a decent amount of history that a Keyblade master was expected to know as well. It seemed he had a lot of catching up to do... At least he wouldn't run out of reading material anytime soon.
Maybe he and Sora could study together once he was better. Then again, based on all the time's Sora had asked him for "help" with his homework over the years, and tried to wheedle his way into getting Riku to do it for him, he doubted he would be the best study partner.
Along with the deep, ever-present ache Sora had begun to notice something else, an occasional sharp jab in his chest. It felt as though his broken ribs were back, but the pain sat beneath his sternum now. An infrequent stab to his heart, as though a shard of glass had somehow made its way in.
It was similar to a pain he had sometimes felt before, one he had forgotten since the ache began a year ago in Quadratum. Maybe he'd ask Baymax about it sometime, and whether the scar on his chest could be the source of it. At least, he thought to himself, the fact he could feel it might mean the pain from the hollow pit in his chest had weakened a little.
Riku noticed his occasional winces and how he would turn away as he gritted his teeth. The first time it happened he didn't mention it, assuming Sora had used up his energy for the day and was feeling sick, as they walked back up the castle steps. He gave his hand an extra squeeze as they made their way back inside towards their room, glad they had decided to return from their walk when they did.
But two days later, while they were sitting in the lounge, Sora twitched against his side and let out an unexpected grunt of pain. Riku turned to find him pressing a fist to his chest and his face screwed up, his game forgotten as the GS hung from one hand. "What's wrong?"
"It's nothing." Sora swiftly lowered the hand on his chest, but the shoulder resting against Riku's side stayed tense. He nudged Sora's knee with his, making it clear he wasn't going to drop it that easily. Sora glanced sideways at him, then looked away. "I've just been getting this weird pain lately."
Riku shifted away a little so he could turn and face him more easily. "Different to the others?" Sora had described his general aches and pains to him before, and the crippling ache in his torso he had experienced chronically for the last two months, but Riku had never seen him react to it this way before.
"Yeah. It doesn't hurt as much but I just seem to get this sort of... stabbing feeling, right here." He pointed to his heart. "It just randomly happens sometimes."
"Is it your heart?" Riku asked, wondering if Sora had been avoiding saying the word heart intentionally.
Sora stayed silent, seemingly not noticing the quiet game over tune coming from the game he had forgotten to pause. "I'm not sure, but it might be," he said after a minute or so.
"If it is, Ienzo and the others at the lab might be able to help."
"How?"
"Studying hearts is what they do, and if they could explore Kairi's so much I'm sure they could have a look at yours?"
"I dunno..." he stared down at his knees. The idea of people poking around in his heart like that made his skin crawl. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know what darkness they might see, what parts of Rage may have tainted him. Sensing his discomfort Riku put an arm around him, and Sora nestled his face in against his neck.
"If you don't want them to I could try diving?" He pressed his lips to his temple and grinned. "It would be nice seeing if anything's changed since we-"
"NO!" Sora jerked away from him abruptly, fixing him with a frantic stare. "Please don't..." Riku sat open-mouthed, caught completely off guard by Sora's reaction. The surge of adrenaline and fear had taken Sora by surprise as much as Riku. "It's just- Rage is still in there and I don't know- if he's- I don't know if I could control it- what if-"
"Hey, hey," he reached out and put his arms on Sora's shaking shoulders, trying to help him hold off what looked like an incoming panic attack. "I won't, I would never do it if you didn't want me to."
"Promise?"
"I promise." He smiled at him, with the small gentle smile that made Sora's heart soften every time he saw it, even in moments like this. But his breathing was still far too rapid for Riku's liking, and the frenzied fear hadn't left his eyes so he took his hands in his. "Try and breathe in time with me, OK?"
Sora nodded and closed his eyes. He tried to pull his thoughts away from the flashbacks as he listened to Riku's voice, counting him through each inhale and exhale. As the minutes went on the memories of Rage's claws in Riku's neck faded. He let out a long, slow whistle, and opened his eyes to see the warm smile still on Riku's face. "Thanks..." he sighed quietly.
The adrenaline had passed, but in its wake, it had left a deep weariness. Riku opened his arms back up and Sora curled into him. He lay down half in Riku's, lap with his head pressed into his stomach and an arm around his waist, needing to hold on to him and know he was still there.
As the days became more bearable and his energy increased, Sora and Aqua resumed their cooking sessions. Their mutual silences became shorter and less frequent as Sora gradually found talking easier.
Their conversations often revolved around his time in Quadratum, and Aqua's time in the Realm of Darkness. She shared with him how she had been stalked by the anti-form of herself, a phantom constructed from her own doubts and fears that haunted her steps. It had whispered words to her that Sora found all too familiar. Telling her she should just let herself fade away into the darkness, that she wasn't worth saving, that the world of light was better off without her. It amazed and horrified him to think that someone like her could ever have doubts about herself like those.
When she became the third person he confided in about Rage, his fears of hurting his friends made much more sense to her. Her memories of being forced to attack him, Riku, and Mickey were foggy but clear enough to still be painful. The torment he must have felt seeing his friends die at his own hands was unfathomable.
It seemed odd, considering the bleak topic of many of their conversations, but it was time they both treasured.
Sora was shocked when he found out that despite feeling happy and like herself again, Aqua still had her own bad days. At times her phantom self still haunted her. It became clear after a while that these conversations weren't just for him, they were a way for her to keep healing as well. That she would share these things with him, and that he could be a supportive friend to her, the way she had been to him, made him value this time even more.
Towards the end of that second month, for the first time, Riku glimpsed light in his eyes again. When they woke up that morning, lying face to face, Sora grinned and kissed him in a way he hadn't in weeks.
The light faded from his eyes barely an hour later, but even so, Riku was overjoyed.
One day at a time. That was all they could do right now, take things one day at a time.
Up to chapter 30 posted on Archive of Our Own