Свобода совести

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Three days... I guess.
The came to me tree times, tearing me out of my cell, not letting go for hours. They did all the things that they can possibly do to a living creature, without killing it.

I knew that this was about to come, the second in which I spotted their boat on the river, closing in on me. I never had a chance to get away from this place. Did I try hard enough, after all?
I don't know. Maybe not. Maybe I could have tried harder to get away. Run faster. Swim faster. But all that it would have changed is one crucial thing: I would have been closer to Audrey. Probably I would have led them right to her, instead of away from her.

No, things are good the way they are.
I serve my time here. I pay for my sins. I even did something good by helping her to get away from here.

They questioned me for three days, always the same questions: Where did she go? Where were we headed? Who else is out there helping us? Who helped us escape?

I said no single word and I'm proud of it. I am. It felt good to see them worry. They are worried right now - they captured the First Daughter of the US and the whole world didn't notice. If she gets free, back home, telling the whole story, that will really shake the bilateral relations.
It won't provoke a war, I guess. But some heavy sanctions.

Of course they want her back. It's a national security issue for them, to get a hold of Audrey again before she leaves their terrain. Even if she makes it to Kazakhstan - I'm sure they'll send some agents to get her back, even from over there. The Kazakh won't interfere. They don't even know what kind of an important person is probably on their territory now.

The time which I spent lying here, in my cell - I spent it writhing in pain or praying.
It's been years since I prayed for the last time. I was never very religious. The people who were blindly following others into wars about things that nobody could ever really prove or define were always suspicious to me. I never believed in the bible stories. Heaven helps those who help themselves- that's more like me.

But I can't help myself anymore. I can help Audrey by keeping my mouth shut about her escape route.
Other than that I can only lie here and let them do to me whatever they want to do to me. And pray. To whoever is out there to help her get through this.

Only gradually I began to realize the political issues, which are attached to Audrey being captured. The bilateral relations. The possible sanctions. The military ones. The economical ones.
The mere fact of her being alive could harm the Chinese in so many ways that it keeps sending cold shivers down my back. They have to do everything to get her back. Letting her go, or letting her escape is no option. Too much is at stake for their whole country.

I was a damn fool not to realize that earlier. The Chinese can't let her go. They'll kill her on sight, I fear, given the possible consequences. It took me long to get to that conclusion.
Should I have warned her? No, she probably knows that herself. She's been here for long enough, she's had the time to think this all through, I guess. More time than I had... all I did was to deny that she was alive at all. I was such a fool. Such a damn fool.
They'll send every soldier they have to get her back or kill her.

And what about me? The only other US citizen knowing that she's alive? Will they really let go of me, sending me back to Russia? Can they even afford to send somebody away, who knows what I know? That it was them who captured Audrey Raines... no, Audrey Boudreau?
Damn it, I hate that name. To me she'll always be Audrey Raines. The lovely girl from down the hallway, who worked with me, once. The one I fell in love with. That's how I'll treasure her. And not the picture of her here, bound to that chair, being questioned while they torture me to break her.

I'm worried. But not about myself.
I'm worried about her.

Three more days... at least I guess.
Three more days in which nobody came. No torture, nothing. Like if they had suddenly lost all interest in me.

It's been six days now since our escape, which I spent here not knowing where or how she is. I'll be going crazy soon. They didn't question me any more, even though my physical condition would have allowed it.
I don't want to draw any conclusions: but I can't not do it.

There is only one possible conclusion.
They got to her. She's dead. That must be it.

No, I won't cry, not now and not here. They could come any minute, tear me out of my cell again and continue questioning me. I even hope for it.
I'd beg for it. Pray for it - to hear them ask me again where Audrey went.

But they didn't come for three days. They lost their interest in the answer to this question.

All I can do is to sit here and wait. I can't even walk anymore, what they did to me after they dragged me out of the river was too much. The burns which I already had before that, they still hurt. There are numerous new wounds. I guess I lost a lot of blood, too.

I've been sitting here for three days now and I continue for one more day. And even more.

On the fifth day, somebody comes. It's a man, wearing a black suit. He looks a bit like Cheng... no, can't be. That one's dead, that much I know for sure, I won't ever forget.
But this man is an intelligence agent, for sure.

The two guards open the door to my cell for him and let him in.

I sit in my dark corner. I'm not gonna say anything, or do anything. Not even put hands on him - I can't.

He knows that.
He comes over and crouches down in front of me, holding a pair of handcuffs with a long chain in between them in his hands.

Mr. Bauer, he begins.

I could spit into his face. Asshole. Tell me what you did to Audrey.

I've heard a lot about you, and it is really surprising for me to finally meet you here. A real pleasure.

Fuck yourself. Tell me what you did to her. I still don't say it out loud what I think.

I'm here to supervise your travel. You're no longer needed here, he says.

I'm no longer needed. They're sending me back to Russia. I could jump his throat, I want to, so desperately. I guess he can see that in my eyes. Should I ask about Audrey? Does he even know? For sure.
But I decide to say nothing. It wouldn't change anything.

Somehow, he's surprised that I let him put the cuffs around my wrists without fighting him. He wants me to stand up but I just can't. Soon he realizes that and sends the guards back in. They drag me away, hauling me down the corridor, down the stairs. That's exactly the route that I took six days ago, with Audrey. Out of this hellhole.

I hope she made it. No, she didn't. Why else would the Chinese have stopped questioning me?

A truck with a sea container is parked behind the building. There we go.

But before they throw me inside that black whole, there's suddenly a command, telling them to stop.
The guy comes back over to me. It's my last chance to ask about Audrey. Even though I'm afraid to hear it, I have to ask. I need to know.

As I look into his eyes, the hate inside me makes me do it: Where is she?

Now that guy even smiles. Our troops found her when she tried to cross the border to Kazakhstan.

That doesn't answer my question. Is she dead or alive? Is he lying to me? I wanna see her, a last time, I manage to grate.

They were ordered to shoot on sight, he smiles, bending down to me. Boom! - he forms a gun with the fingers of his right hand, figuratively putting it to my head.

I don't believe him. I wanna see her body.

He shakes his head. Mr. Bauer, you're not in any place to make demands. We don't need you any longer now.

I have to be careful about what I say. I don't believe a word you say, bastard, I hiss at him.

He just smiles and turns away, telling the guards to throw me into the container. They do it, closing the massive metal doors behind me. I'm trapped again, without any light, probably for weeks again, and even my hands are still in chains.

I start to scream. I scream and shout, kicking and beating against the walls again and again, all the time. I don't stop. It's the exhaustion that makes me collapse, and when I come to myself again I continue to do the same.

The container gets loaded onto a railroad car. It's of no sense that I still scream and shout, but it's the only thing I wanna do right now. I don't care about how much it hurts. I have to let this pain out. I could kill right now - anyone who comes into my sight. I've hardly ever experienced such rage.

Audrey is dead...
No she's not. She can't be.
It can't be true that after all I'm still alive and she's dead.

That guy was lying to me, for sure.

The harder I deny the things that he told me, the calmer I get.

Audrey is alive.
She made it out of there.
That guy only told me she was dead to stop me from telling anyone the truth. Nobody would believe me anyway. There's not even anyone who would listen. The guards in Russia don't even speak my language. They'll keep me locked up. Maybe I can tell the next ones who'll get me into their hands? It's hard to believe that they'd listen or care.

I start to pick around on the doors, to find something, a lock or a hinge. But the doors are massive, and the hinges and the locks are on the outside of the container. No chance.

I have to get out of here.
I have to get away, I have to escape.
I have to prove to the world that she's still alive.

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