Dear readers: I added a few important lines to the end of the last chapter ... please re-read, if you read the last chapter a while ago. Thanks (& please review?)

лишение свободы

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They're keeping me locked up.
I still don't know what agency is responsible for this, either it's the CIA or the Secret Service. Or even the White House, under the new rule of president... who? I must admit, I don't even know his or her name. This is probably the first time in my life that I don't even know who the current president of the US is.

Doesn't matter anyway.

Audrey is alive, I tell myself. That's all that matters to me.

They're keeping me locked up here to break me and to keep me from spreading the facts: that she is not dead. The person lying in the grave which Heller visits every day is not her. I put down red roses on a grave which is not hers, but I knew it. This country openly buried a person with all honors who isn't even dead. Of course this is a political disaster, if this ever comes out. But I don't care about that.

Is that treason? That I don't care about the political implications for our country, while I'm blindly doing everything just to save one person, denying all the other consequences that is has?
No.
Yes.
Maybe. Maybe that guy was even right when he told me I was about to commit treason.

Fuck him and fuck the law. Then I'll be a traitor.

Being here almost feels like being in China. The drugs that they're using to keep me down and to make me comply are similar. I wonder if they are the same which they used on Audrey, years ago.
All I do is to lie here and wait. I can't move. Or I don't want to move. Doesn't make a difference. The drugs are messing up my head, interfering with my judgement. Taking my sanity.

I guess this is some kind of a special detention facility for the dangerously disturbed prisoners. They brought me here three days ago and during all that time, nobody talked to me. Whenever I had the power, I tried to talk to the persons who come into my room from time to time, but they don't answer. Instead, they're giving me more of that cocktail of drugs, which always pushes me back down for a few more hours.

I have to help Audrey. I have to get her out. It can't be true what the man said: if she was dead, none of this would be necessary. Then the problem would have really already been solved.
She's not dead. I refuse to believe it, no matter how many mind games they're playing.

I sometimes wonder what they told Agent Morgan and Agent Wilson, about my sudden appearance and the things that I told them.
Maybe I got them into trouble as well.
I don't care.

I've been lying here for days, searching for a way out - unlike in Russia. Back in Russia, I accepted my fate and gave myself up, because I had nothing left to live for.
Now it is different. I have something have to live for, something that gives me a cause to look for a way out.

Audrey.

I'm coming to you, I promise.

After our getaway, when the Chinese caught me again, I lay in my cell, saying this aloud all the time, like a prayer: Audrey, I'm coming to you. Now I don't. I'm sure they're watching me and at least capable of listening. I want to give them a different impression, one that will probably be my way out of here: the impression that I believed this Agent, when he told me she died.

If I can make them believe that I no longer think she's alive I won't be a danger any more in their eyes.

I'm lying here in this cell, acting like I was crying for her. The drugs that they give me help doing this.

I know all about drugs- I've had that monkey on my back for long enough to know it all.
My body quickly started to adjust to the things they're giving me. They are losing their effectiveness, if they don't increase the dose. But I keep acting like I was still under their influence, even long after their effects have already worn off. It will take weeks until my body adjusts to the drugs in a way that I'll have my full abilities back, but that day will come.

Acting like I was crying is easier when I think of Audrey and of how much time I've already lost here. She needs help. She's been held there for over seven months now. It's been more than five weeks ever since I saw her for the last time.
I refuse to believe that she died the way this Agent told me. But there's a voice in the back of my head, telling me that even if she had survived our getaway, she could have died of any other cause by now. Torture. Terminal illnesses. Being shot by the Chinese because the political risks of ever losing her got too big.

There's so much anger inside me that I can't let out. I remember my first days in the Russian prison. Back then I still believed that Audrey had just died. I went berserk, screaming and shouting all the time, going after every living living creature within my reach.

When the Chinese shipped me back to Russia, after my unsuccessful getaway I did exactly the same: I freaked out after they told me that Audrey was dead.

Am playing this wrong? Am I making a giant mistake by lying here peacefully, acting like I was silently mourning her death? Would they have expected me to freak out, when I really believe that she got hurt, knowing that that reaction would more likely be 'in character' for me? I have a history of freaking out after the death of my loved ones. Jack Bauer would not lie here in his cell, crying for the woman he loved, or would he? I'm starting to doubt myself. I don't know what I would do if I really knew she were dead. Probably I would really sit here and just cry and do nothing else.
If she were dead, I'd only live to see her in heaven one day.
My life is hell, ever since the day I lost her.

I take a deep breath and roll over to lie on my back, wiping away the tears. I'm a good actor. Or were they real, in the end? Don't know. Doesn't matter.

At leas there's no pain for now. There is even a bed, a blanket. Things I've dearly missed.

Whenever I pull the blanket around my body there's only one thought: Audrey doesn't have that luxury right now. While I lie here, in a room with a bed and a blanket, she's out there somewhere, all alone. Its a real luxury that nobody is coming to torture me - at least physically. That's pure luxury.
As long as she's out there, I don't deserve to live like this.

I'm coming to you, I promise, I silently whisper. Damn it! What if they're listening? I was so disciplined all the time, not to say this aloud. Doesn't matter. I guess they don't believe me anyway, no matter how good my acting is. I feel like I will never be able to fool them into thinking that I believe Audrey is dead. Jack Bauer would never believe her to be dead, not until he sees her dead body.
That's in character.

Two more days, which I spend alone, until finally somebody comes into my cell. I don't know where I am, that disturbs me. They turn the lights on because it's evening, I guess. First comes a guy who I think is a doctor, to check on me.
I can't harm him no - although I could. The drugs have lost their effectiveness over the course of the past days. They all think I'm weak and tired, but I am not. I could reach out and twist his neck...? No, I won't. That's of no use. There will be a better chance to use my powers.

That guy is no doctor, he just looks like one.
He and another guy drag me out of bed, over to a chair that they brought in. They cuffs my legs and my arms to it and then they leave.

I guess the agent who locked me up here is coming back.

For some minutes, I sit here, alone, trying to prepare myself for the coming meeting. Shall I tell him that I believe him now, that Audrey is dead? He won't ever believe me, I guess.
There not many things other than that which I could tell him. I wonder why he's coming back at all...

The door opens and someone comes in- but it's not him. It is Agent Wilson!

I straighten up and stare at him. Slowly he comes in, the other two guy close the door behind him.

There's no gun at his belt. That was probably taken from him when he entered the building. My eyes move down to his ankles - is he wearing a second gun? Maybe? Maybe not.

He just sees me staring at the ground in front of him.

Captain Bauer?, he asks.

I slowly look up into his eyes. Where am I? Does he look shocked to see me here? Kind of.

Alexandria state prison, he answers, adding, state hospital for the criminally insane.

I had always feared that this was one of those places. That's why the personnel didn't even listen to me when I tried talking to them.
What got me here?, I ask him. He is the first one to talk to me at all, treating me like a sane person.

I don't know, he murmurs, coming closer. You are here for murder.

My heart sinks. Murdering who?

Those Russians. Your presidential pardon got contested.

He is talking with such a low voice that I can hardly hear him. I slowly begin to realize that the ones who brought me here don't even know that he is here to see me. Who brought me here?, I ask.

The White House. Agents of the Secret Service. They're saying your case is a highly political one.

How could they contest my pardon?

They averred this pardon was nothing more but a personal favor of Heller and he made it only due to his Alzheimer's disease. Courts haven't decided yet.

He's looking into my eyes. I see that he is worried. He's not one of them, I feel it. Why have you come to talk to me?, I finally ask him.

He takes his time answering, always looking for the right words to say. Do you still believe that Audrey Boudreau did not die half a year ago in London?

I am sure.

Do you have any proof for this?

No, I shake my head, I already told you everything Agen- He suddenly grabs me throat and stops me from saying his name aloud. When he lets go of me again, I understand, continuing, If I had any other proof that the things I saw and the inconsistencies in the documents that I showed you, I wouldn't be here.

We have a silent understanding. First of all, he seems to believe me, that Audrey is alive. Secondly, he obviously does not belong to the Secret Service or the White House. I'm not sure if I can fully trust him, but my situation is so bad already that it's worth the try.

Those inconsistencies have disappeared, Wilson says. I'm not sure if I can follow his thoughts.

How?

He shrugs. The documents on those servers are different ones now, he whispers. Ever since Tuesday. Four days ago.

I freeze. They are not only trying to make me silent. They also took the few pieces of evidence that I had and already started to clean up everything.
You have to help me find her, I plead, hoping to get through to him, they said it's all political, that her being alive will lead to major diplomatic and economic sanctions, I take a deep breath to emphasize this last point, I'm not in it for politics. I don't care if this gets public or not. I can even live with it if they decide to deny it all afterwards. But I won't let her rot in prison there.

Wilson nods his head and looks at his wristwatch. He never says yes or no, or that he'd pull through with my plans, but he signals me that he's at least okay with them.

You'll be transferred tomorrow evening. When the convoy stops at a crossroads and all four traffic lights are red, get the hell down, Captain.

Then he leaves. I could jump for joy - if I could. I'm still tied to that chair.
The two guys come back in and untie me. I have to hide the new courage to face life that I just got, as well as I have to hide from them that the drugs that they gave me are influencing me less than they think.

Tomorrow evening. One more day in here. I can handle that.

I'm coming to you Audrey, i tell myself again, lying on the bed, eyes closed. I'm on my way.

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