Author's Note: Sorry for the wait. Here's another chapter. Now, it's not as action packed as previous chapters, but I expect things will change in the future.
Now, like the last two chapters, the new OC featured here, Sunny, is created by CalvinFujii. Although, I did make some tiny adjustments for the sake of the chapter's story.
Enjoy the chapter. If anyone has any ideas for Destiny's future opponents, let me know in the comment section. Any and all comments are welcome.
The I.M.P. TV set showed a rather unusual commercial cast from Heaven. When the golden gates opened, a little cherub with blue eyes, ginger hair, and a kid's outfit hovers to greet the viewers.
"Well, howdy! I'm Cletus! Welcome to Heaven! Guess you did something good to get here, and good people deserve to give loves ones special blessings!"
Just then, the commercial showed several humans who were about to die, but then saved by Cletus and three other cherubs; a yellow sheep, a black sheep with white fur, and a tall lioness with a shapely figure. Their names were Keenie, Collin, and Sunny. They all sang while the lives on-screen were saved.
Collin:
Does it make you want to cry
Keenie:
When your loved one has to die
Sunny:
Does it hurt you through and through
All:
When your face is turning blue
Collin:
Well, luckily for you
Keenie:
There's something we can do
Sunny:
We can help keep them alive
Cletus:
So you can watch them thrive
All:
'Cause here at C.H.E.R.U.B.
Sunny:
We'll save your honeybun from dying violently
All:
'Cause here at C.H.E.R.U.B.
Keenie:
No, we never even ask a fee
Collin:
Because good people spread the love
Keenie:
And we're here for all above
Cletus:
We do the paperwork for you
Sunny:
And the heavy lifting too
Cletus:
So sit back
All:
And let us bless a soul for you
Oh, we are the C.H.E.R.U.B.
The commercial was abruptly interrupted once Destiny Destroyer threw her dumbbell at it breaking it into pieces.
"Dammit, Double-D! That was for target practice!" Blitzo shouted putting down the gun he was just aiming.
"Sorry, Jefe." Destiny said taking a deep, frustrated breath. "It's just… I'm in a very bad mood."
"What's the matter, Des?" Millie asked.
"Well, last week, I was booked for a match against Ultraviolet, one of the toughest and most exclusive wrestlers in all of Hell." Destiny explained. "The match was supposed to be last night, but at the very last second, it was canceled on account of the arena being fumigated. I was so looking forward to that match, and now…" Out of anger, she grabbed a chair and threw it to the wall right next to Loona.
"Preach, sister." Loona said blankly staring at her phone.
"Couldn't you just reschedule the match?" Moxxie asked.
"No. Ultraviolet's booked for the next year. Last night was my only chance." Destiny said.
"Yeah, I sympathize with you," Blitzo said, "But let's keep the complaining to a minimum. If I wanted to see someone look desperate, I'd tune in to Wally Wackford's commercials."
Suddenly, without warning, everyone felt the entire building shake. "Guys, do you feel that?" Loona asked.
"Oh, shit, is that a hellshake?" Blitzo asked.
"That's possible?" Moxxie asked.
"All right! Don't panic, Moxxie!" Millie said hysterically.
"I'm not panicking because hellshakes don't happen." Moxxie said.
"STOP GETTING HYSTERICAL, FATTY!" Loona shouted before striking him across the room.
All of a sudden, a ball made of tentacles crashed through the wall crushing Moxxie beneath its rubble. The tentacles unraveled revealing a tall demon with a black tophat, a handlebar mustache, and a black jumpsuit.
"Do not be afraid!" the demon said with a cartoonish grin.
"Please tell me you got that insurance thing." Blitzo said.
"Are you a client?" Destiny asked.
"Yeeeees. I'm Loopty Goopty! Dastardly inventor of all things loopy and loopish!"
"Could have just used the door dude." Loona said. "Doesn't need to be this whole thing."
'I'm eccentric, and must therefore do eccentric shit!" Loopty said dancing silly.
"You look eccentric enough." Destiny commented.
Blitzo took a quick sniff at Loopty before recoiling. "Ugh! This old eff reeks of the living world. Did you just die?"
"Yeeeees! Moments ago, in fact, which is what brought me here!"
"Just saying, the front door would have gotten you here fine." Loona said.
"Shut up, dear furry!" Loopty shouted before holding up a photograph of a very old man in bed. "This is the man I'm gonna need you to kill!"
Blitzo took the picture and smiled. "Not even a shit's length of time in Hell, and already plotting revenge? I can respect a man with that sort of passion!"
Destiny took the photo and scowled slightly. "This is our target for the day, a very old man? Why do you want him dead?"
"He was… my business partner!" Loopty said dramatically. "You see, I was not always an old man. My partner, Lyle, and I ran Lyle-Loopty Robotics, a technological empire! Earlier today, we were testing a new machine intended to stop or reverse the aging process! It could've saved all three trillionaires! Unfortunately, we neglected to test the machine on the poor like we usually do. We were too sure of our own genius. The machine was accidentally set forward. By the time we managed to get out, it was too late. At least, for me. Now, that son of a bitch is going to take over the empire we built together without me to share it with him. He'll make all the money in the world and become the fourth trillionaire and get all the credit!"
"That's not really evil." Blitzo said.
"It's evil toward me!"
"And he didn't just get back in the aging machine and revert back to his original age?" Destiny asked. "Not exactly geniuses, it looks like."
"Enough! Get your asses up above and send that heartless, no-good son of a bitch to Hell where he belongs!" Loopty ordered.
"You do know, Poopty…" Blitzo started to say.
"Loopty!"
"Of course. Of course. If we do kill him though and he ends up down here, you know, you will be stuck with him, forever."
"Oh, trust me." Loopty said. Suddenly, his hat started to produce a wide variety of painful-looking devices. "I'm counting on it."
"That's kinda hot." Moxxie commented weakly after Millie pulled him out of the rubble. It was time to start the job.
I.M.P. hitched a ride on a tour bus until they made it to the mansion of their target, Lyle Lipton. They were wearing human clothes to disguise themselves. Once the bus stopped, they sneaked out of the bus and onto Lyle's property.
Once they began walking along the side of the house, Millie noticed Destiny let out a disappointed sigh. "Everything all right, Des?"
"I'm just having a bad day." Destiny said. "First, my match was canceled. And now, I'm sent to kill a really old man with a shit-ton of wrinkles on his face alone. You know my preference. I prefer women who can put up a decent fight." She stopped at a window where she could see Lyle Lipton at a hospital bed. "That man there is my ultimate turn-off."
"Well, I'll tell you what." Millie said. "When we're done here, we can go out and find you a good brawl."
"Thanks, Millie. I'd appreciate that." Destiny said.
"Well, good news, Destiny." Moxxie said. "It looks like we don't have to do anything. Look."
Moxxie pointed into the room where Lyle was weakly caressing a photo of money with a label that read "free stock photos".
"Goodbye, my one true love." Lyle said. "All the riches in the world can't fill the emptiness I'm feeling that my shitty old body can't do anything of value."
"Wait. Is he…" Destiny asked.
"Yeah. It looks like he's going to do our job for us." Blitzo said. "Easiest pay ever."
Lyle took his IV tube and tied it into a noose. He was preparing to hang himself. He held it over his head and prepared to wrap it around his neck. But before it could touch his head, the noose glowed white and let out a forceful explosion.
I.M.P. braced themselves while half of their human clothes were blown off. Once they regained their balance, they looked back inside to find four familiar figures descending from above like angels.
"Espera un minuto!" Destiny said. "Those are the cherubs from Heaven!"
"The what?" Blitzo asked.
"Sir, remember the commercial from earlier?" Moxxie asked. "Those creatures save lives."
I.M.P. leaned their ears to the window to listen in on the conversation between Lyle and the cherubs.
"Oh, lord. I'm being haunted by ugly orphan children now!" Lyle cried out.
"We're cherubs, Mr. Lyle." Cletus said.
"We're here to convince you not to kill yourself, sir." Collin said.
"Many people in Heaven were so thankful for your technological advances, that they wanted to give you a special blessing." Keenie said.
"In order to save your life, we can arrange for you to return to your aging machine so you can return to your original age." Sunny said.
"OH, HELL NO!" Blitzo shouted crashing through the window. The others came in through the front door.
"Huh? Who the heck are you?" Sunny asked.
"First of all, you can say 'hell', gato. It's not that bad of a word." Destiny said with an irritated tone. "And second of all, we're I.M.P. sent here to kill this old man. I don't like it, but a job's a job."
"Lyle Lipton, it is our humble opinion that you should continue the process to commit die." Moxxie said.
"I mean, what do you expect to do with all this money now that you're old and gross?" Millie asked.
"Is that a serious question?" Keenie said. "He can spread his wealth around with the people of the world! And do so much good with it! And be so fulfilled!"
"No." Lyle said.
"He could pay for new hospitals and schools." Collin said.
"And if he returns to the aging machine, he could do this for a long time." Sunny said.
"Why won't you let me die?" Lyle asked desperately.
"See? He wants to die." Destiny said. "Look, can't we just kill him and be done with it."
"I have plenty of assault weapons on hand if you need help, Lyle." Moxxie said. He opened his bag and pulled out several weapons calling them out at a very rapid pace.
"He's classier than that!" Collin said.
Lyle held a rifle to his mouth ready to shoot, but Sunny swiped it out of his hand. "Mr. Lyle, you can easily end your misery if you continue your life to its fullest." She said.
"And we'll be happy to show you." Cletus said.
Destiny sighed. "Why is today such a blue-ball day for me?"
"Don't worry." Blitzo said. "If these little rugrats want to play shoulder angel, then we'll be his shoulder devils."
The cherubs pushed Lyle's hospital bed to the top of an outdoor hill with a beautiful view of a forest, a lake, and the wildlife surrounding it.
"Look around, Lyle." Cletus said. "God's gift of nature is a wonder to behold regardless of age or wealth."
"If you were to end your life, you'd be missing all of this." Collin said.
"And who knows?" Sunny asked. "If you contribute your work more to nature, you can even end global warming."
All of a sudden, Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, and Destiny appeared wearing cat costumes. Their leader interrupted saying "You gonna buy that load of shit from a baby, a cat, and a sheep that are obviously in a three-way?"
Keenie gasped. "That is so inappropriate!"
"Oh, kiss our ass, prude!" Millie said extending her middle fingers.
"We're from Hell, idiota. What did you think we'd say?" Destiny asked.
"Anyway, take it from me, a fellow genius." Blitzo said giving Lyle a pair of binoculars. "Nature is no picnic up close."
Lyle looked through the binoculars to get a closer look at what appeared at first to be cute squirrels and rabbits. Suddenly, those critters got torn apart by wolves. The wolves were then attacked by a bear. The bear was then crushed by a tree that was chopped down by a lumberjack. The lumberjack was then attacked by bees, and his chainsaw was thrown up into the air and fell back down chopping both his arms off. He was then impaled by a charging deer's antlers.
It was such a ghastly sight, even the inhabitants of Hell were shocked. The cherubs tried to take the binoculars from Lyle, but he couldn't take his eyes off what he was seeing.
"Oh, no! I can't stop looking! I've never wanted to die more than I do now!"
"Let's go check out something else." Cletus suggested finally taking the binoculars from Lyle.
The cherubs then took Lyle to a shopping mall. In front of them, there was a crowd of children lining up to sit on Santa's lap.
"Oh, Lord. Where are we now?" Lyle asked. "Let me perish!"
"We're here to how you another thing life is worth living for: childhood wonderment." Keenie said.
"These children are the future of the world." Sunny said. "Their youth gives them the chance to build up to a brighter future.
"Why, look at those sweet diseased-ridden vermin." Lyle observed beginning to feel hopeful. "Their joy comes from innocence, unspoiled by the burdens of adulthood and their middle-class existence. Such simple joy they have. It is inspiring. Thank you for showing me this."
Suddenly, I.M.P. arrived again in elf costumes. They approached the mall Santa, and Blitzo shouted so loud so he could make sure that Lyle could hear.
"Hey, dipshit! Wanna se whose lap you're sitting on?"
Blitzo ripped off the Santa costume revealing a dirty, messy, old man with a red shirt which said "Cuties" on it. The children panicked in terror and even Lyle cried like a baby.
Sunny broke off from her group and approached I.M.P. "Please, would you mind stop showing Mr. Lyle all the bad stuff about things?"
"Well, since you asked nicely… no." Destiny said.
"But…"
"I said no."
"Can't you just…"
"Let me say it in Spanish. No. Listen, chica, you think you're having a bad day? My fight got canceled. I'm hired to kill a really old man. And I'm in a debate against a bunch of Muppet Babies. So unless you want to see where cherubs go when they die, do not cross me." Destiny growled threateningly.
Sunny gulped sweating nervously.
The cherubs took Lyle to the woods, up the top of a steep hill surrounded by cars. Lyle reeked in disgust.
"This place reeks of teenagers."
"It's just Lover's Lookout, sir." Sunny said. "It's here where you can be reminded of life's greatest joy of all."
"Money."
"No. Love."
"I've never been in love before." Lyle said. "I imagine it's quite nice."
"It's not too late, sir." Collin said. "You can still find…"
Once again, they were interrupted by the timely arrival of I.M.P., who were all wearing lady-like disguises.
"Ha! Nice try, ugly!" Blitzo scoffed before pulling out a megaphone. "HEY, HORNY LOVERS! WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD EFF THIS OLD MAN?" He got his answer when all the cars quickly drove away leaving Lyle sad.
"You know, you four are so utter cruel." Collin criticized. "We're just trying to give hope to someone in need."
"Oh, and you four are so superior to us because want some selfish, greedy, authoritarian capitalist to keel over dead!" Moxxie replied.
"You're making things too real now, Moxie." Blitzo said right before he sprayed a bottle of piss into Moxxie's face.
The next place the cherubs took Lyle was a theater to see an opera. A fat lady in a Viking costume vocalized onstage while a pianist played his instrument to provide the music.
"Behold, the wonder of art and music." Cletus presented. "Something always here to comfort, entertain, and live for."
Sunny shifted her eyes around before leaning over to Keenie. "No sign of the demons."
"Good. 'Cause we're running out of ideas." Keenie whispered back.
What they didn't know was that I.M.P. were on the catwalk above the stage. They looked down planning their next move.
"So how do we make this bad?" Millie asked.
"We can't." Moxxie answered. "There's literally nothing bad about opera. That's fact."
"Unless it's not your taste, and it's not mine." Destiny said.
"So let's ruin it." Blitzo said. He grabbed a nearby spotlight that shined on the fat lady and moved it around. The lady ran over to the spotlight and continued singing before Blitzo moved it again.
Lyle and the cherubs continued to watch as the opera singer kept getting interrupted and moving around the stage to keep up with the spotlight. The longer this went on, the faster Blitzo moved the light until…
SNAP!
The stage light snapped off and fell down. The opera singer sang one last note before getting crushed by the light. When she exploded into a bloody mess, the audience freaked out while the pianist nervously kept playing.
"Well, at least we made it bad." Blitzo said.
"Bien. Muy bien." Destiny commented with a smug grin.
This was the final straw. The cherubs had enough. They flew up above the stage to confront I.M.P. with the most upset expressions.
"THAT'S IT! I HAVE HAD IT!" Cletus yelled. "You four monsters have messed with us enough!"
"We're just trying to do our job." Collin said.
"Well, so are we." Moxxie replied.
"Can't you let this go just this once?" Sunny asked. "You don't need to get everyone."
"The same can be said for you, you Sesame Street rejects!" Destiny retorted. "Say anything about us all you want, but you're just as guilty as we are! We're okay with it, but you little pendejos are a bunch of hypocrites!"
"ENOUGH!" Cletus shouted. He, Collin, and Keenie summoned crossbows which they aimed at the demons. Sunny looked more nervous seeing the situation escalate. "We are saving that shitty old man's life where he wants it or not!"
"Well, someone wants that effer dead, okay? And he paid in advance and I spent it all on this." Blitzo said pulling out a green horse figurine. "So he's gotta go!"
"You all are such disgusting, loathsome beasts!" Keenie reprimanded. "Your kind is nothing but dirt that shitty dead people tread on! And now, you're trying to meddle with the lives of humans?!"
"So are you!" Millie responded. "So why don't you shut your trap, you judgmental, cotton candy, tit-heaven bitch?!"
"FILTHY…" Keenie yelled before tackling Millie. The two of them began attacking each other while Blitzo and Moxxie got into a shoot-out with Cletus and Collin.
While the imps fought with the cherubs, all that was left were Destiny and Sunny. The luchadora groaned before cracking her knuckles.
"All right. Terminemos con esto." Destiny said before going for a charging tackle.
"Whoa!" Sunny yelled before dodging out of the way. Destiny then shot a roundhouse kick which Sunny blocked with her arm. Destiny continued sending attacks to Sunny, but the lioness cherub stayed defensive blocking and dodging them.
Destiny groaned in annoyance and stopped. "Come on! Fight back already!"
"But I'm not good with confrontation." Sunny said. "I try to avoid it when I can."
"Well, you can't!" Destiny shouted. "Not with me! Now, show me your claws or you'll really piss me off!" She ran at Sunny again.
The lioness yelled before ducking down. Destiny tripped over her and grabbed a rope sliding down to the stage. She looked on up to see the fight go on with her coworkers. Blitzo was still in his gunfight with Cletus while Moxxie and Millie were shooting wildly while making out.
Seeing the situation from that angle, Destiny sighed with both anger and exhaustion. "This can't be happening. I'm having the worst day of my entire afterlife."
"It's all starting to make sense now." Lyle said getting Destiny's attention. "Life is worth living because we only get one. We must cherish it. If creatures far beyond the living world are going through these lengths over my life, then certainly, it's worth living. Plus, I'm still rich. I can just buy all the things. I NO LONGER CRAVE DEATH!"
Saying those words turned out to be Lyle Lipton's biggest mistake. As soon as Destiny heard them, she began to see red and her left eye turned red with blood. She gritted her teeth angrily before jumping off the stage. Her intense presence made Lyle gasp in fear.
"Are… you… KIDDING MEEEEEEEEEE?!"
Destiny's loud outburst echoed across the whole theater. The imps and cherubs stopped their fighting to look at Destiny who was giving off a red aura of pure rage around her body.
"Do you have any idea what I've been put through?!" Destiny snapped as she stomped closed to Lyle. The old man shuddered wanting to move, but he was too scared to. "My day has been effing awful! My personal time was ruined! I was hired to kill you, a very wrinkled, old man! I had to debate with a bunch of Bambi characters who I then had to fight reluctantly because they were more adorable and less sexy! And the only one of those flying freaks who I could fight turns out to be a major pussycat! This has been the most blue-ball day ever and I thought I could live with that. But then YOU, Senor Lyle Lipton, decided you didn't want to die after all! I… HAVE… HAD IT!"
Destiny grabbed Lyle by his blue shirt and pulled him close to her until they were nose to nose with each other. Lyle whimpered in fear seeing the anger in her eyes. The cherubs tried to go down to save him, but the imps grabbed them all and held them back.
"Wait!" Lyle begged. "Didn't you hear my speech about life and why…"
"I HEARD AND I DON'T CARE!" Destiny interrupted angrily. "Normally, I don't attack any man at all, let alone an old one, but you really pushed me just now, so for you, I'm making an exception!"
Destiny bent her knees before launching herself high into the air while carrying Lyle Lipton in her claws. While in mid-air, she flipped him upside-down and held him as they began to fall. He screamed until the piledriver landed on the solid floor. The old man's neck broke on impact and he died instantly.
Everyone stared with dropped jaws at the brutal murder they had just witnessed. Destiny climbed back up to the stage and was approached by Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie.
"Nice work, Double-D." Blitzo said.
"Piledriver kill. Nice." Millie commented.
"Way to step out of your comfort zone for once, Des." Moxxie said.
"Silencio." Destiny interrupted with a heavy breath. "Jefe, just call Loona and get us home."
"Sure." Blitzo said picking up his phone.
Meanwhile, the cherubs floated above Lyle's corpse with the most stunned expressions.
"Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! Oh, my God!" Collin gasped nervously.
Keenie slapped Collin across his face and shook him. "Get ahold of yourself, Collin! And do not use the Lord's name in vain!"
"What do we do?" Sunny asked. "We've never failed a job before. And now, that man's going to Hell."
"We'll recover from this, people." Cletus said before turning angrily at I.M.P. "This isn't over!" He then created a portal back to Heaven allowing him and his friends to fly through.
"Eat me! Don't forget to write!" Blitzo waved as the cherubs departed.
Destiny rubbed her forehead as she leaned back in her chair back at the office. The others approached to check on her.
"How do you feel?" Millie asked.
"Like I just broke my one rule. 'No men. Only women who can fight'." Destiny replied.
"If you don't mind me asking," Moxxie said, "Why do you prefer fighting women?"
"It's just where my heart is, y'know." Destiny said. "Fighting men doesn't excite me as much as fighting women, so I can't be as energetic. Can I get obsessive? Maybe. But I love it. So when I broke the target's neck with my piledriver, I felt violated."
"Well, don't worry about it." Blitzo said. "The next time we get hired to kill an old man, it will be different… probably. Anywho, I wonder how our client is doing."
BOOM!
Loopty crashed through the office on a ramp. He arrived right next to Lyle Lipton, who looked like a robotic ball.
"Hello, everyone!" Lyle greeted.
"You're not being tortured?" Destiny asked.
"Tortured? Whatever gave you that idea?" Loopty asked.
"You hired us to kill him. You called him a no-good, heartless son of a bitch." Destiny said.
"That's a term of endearment between the two of us." Lyle said.
"I never said I was gonna hurt him if you sent him down here." Loopty said. "I just wanted to be reunited with my best friend! So thank you all!"
"Well, that's not the usual intention of our clients, but we don't judge." Blitzo said. "At least, not much."
"The only question now is, what do two old genius robotic inventors do now that we're in Hell?" Lyle asked.
Suddenly, another imp crashed through the ceiling. "Did someone say, I say, inventors?"
"Wally Wackford?" Destiny asked. "What are you doing here? I thought you worked at the arena."
"I do a lotta jobs here and there, Destiny." Wally said. "And as it so happens, I'm looking for creative new people to exploit… I mean, employ."
"Everyone, stop effing up my walls!" Blitzo yelled. "Moxxie's gonna have to fix all this shit!"
"I am?" Moxxie asked.
"Satan's balls." Blitzo sighed. "First, we deal with Heaven's table-scraps. Now this?"
"I guess, you can say, you say, you have a 'hole-y' operation here, Blitzo!" Wally laughed saying Blitzo's name with the O. He fell down laughing his lungs out.
"Get out." Blitzo said, but Wally was still laughing. "No, I'm serious. Get the EFF OUT!"
"Yeah. Do you want me to piledrive someone else?" Destiny threatened.
"Oh. That reminds me." Lyle said. He pulled out a handheld button and pushed it. All of a sudden, another figure crashed through the ceiling.
"SERIOUSLY?! AGAIN?!" Blitzo yelled out.
When the dust cleared, the figure had a very feminine figure, but her black, robotic appearance made it clear that she wasn't human.
"What's this? A fembot?" Destiny asked.
"Consider it a bonus to you, Ms. Destroyer, for going out of your way to kill me." Lyle said. "This automaton is a customizable wrestling robot for you to practice on whenever you feel the urge to fight again. You can change its size, fighting style… Pretty much anything to make her the ideal sparring partner."
"And she's synthetic too." Loopty said. "So she can feel as real as you want her to be."
"Really?" Destiny asked feeling proud.
"That's great!" Millie cheered. "How does it work?"
"Well, it's ready to fight as long as it activates," Lyle said, "And it only activates and deactivates whenever you say the words… 'Ding-ding'."
All of a sudden, the black robot jumped at Destiny and began grappling her much to the luchadora's delight.
"HAHA! BEST BONUS EVER!"