Within the past ten years, I haven't had a better night than this one. I'd say it without hesitation, that this was the best day of my whole life so far – if I weren't honest regarding the things that have brought us here. We're here now only because a series of awful weeks, months, even years has brought us both here. If Audrey hadn't been captured by the Chinese in London, we wouldn't be here. If I hadn't exchanged myself for Chloe in London, I wouldn't be here either. I would have never been able to get Audrey out of her misery. In the end, I should be thankful for everything that I had to live through in the past months. It was worth it. Just for this one day. Just for these moments.
She's was a few yards away, waving her hand, telling me to swim out to her. I finally joined her – it was no mistake. Even with the underwater lights on, it was too dark. I cold barely see her, I just saw the little waves she made and her wet contours. Her laughter. The joy she was having because unlike me, she could get her mind off the past. I don't know how she did it. She was somehow able to put it all aside and live the moment.
Her eyes looked so happy. There was a certain glance in them. One I hadn't seen in a really long time. Maybe I was wrong and in the end there is a chance for both of us to leave everything behind. No one of us thought back as we lay in each other's arms. Suddenly so many things have happened, things neither of us has ever thought to be possible again, that all the memories of the past were pushed out of our thinking, back into the unconscious. No. They're not gone. This simple moment was proof enough for me. I should be happy now, but I still couldn't get it off my mind.
Not even as she kissed me.
Damnit, she's married. There's no future for us. I'll give her back to Marc in just about two weeks.
Stop that, you idiot. She's not your property. She's a grown-up woman and you just have to do what's best for her. There is no giving back. There is no tie to Marc anymore. He's around, but they'll never get back together, not after what he has done to me in London.
The whole night long I didn't think back once. Not when we were out there, swimming. Not when she lifted her naked wet body out of the water again. These pictures. Damn it, I won't forget them for the rest of my life.
Kissing her wet skin, it tasted salty from the sea water.
Why am I such an idiot and think back weeks and months – I'd only have to think back a few hours, to when we got out of the water and back under deck. I've probably slept for an hour tonight, overall, but I'm not tired. For the first time in a long time, I'm not tired. It's like spending the first night with a new love. You'd not be able to sleep anyway, you're up all night and yet that special night erases all the tiredness.
Around eight in the morning, we finally got going. I don't want to lose time now, since the way is still so long. The weather is perfect, we better use it. I'm sure days will come in the next to weeks when it'll be awful, rainy, windy or even worse and we can't continue our journey. We better get some miles behind us now.
Audrey is doing a great job up there. She really enjoys sailing – unlike me. The more the boat banks, the happier she is. I'd prefer to put down the sail and just use the engine. At least we can share the workload this way. That makes it a lot easier.
I've already travelled this way from Turkey to Italy eight times, using a boat like this. It's a lot of work if you have to do everything on your own. Most of the times I was so caught up in all the little things that you have to do to get such a boat going, that I didn't even take the time to enjoy the beauty of all this.
Audrey enjoys it. Her eyes are open all the time, on the look-out for the good things. The beautiful sunset. Picturesque coasts and islands that fly past us. She even called me upstairs to show me a pod of dolphins that joined our boat for a little while.
That must be it. She focuses on the little good things. The smaller the things are which make you happy, the better your life will be. Easier said than done.
Again the boat banks. The pot on the stove in front of me dangerously starts moving, I better take it.
We're gonna have chili. Again.
There wasn't any money for fancier stuff. Before we left Antalya, I bought a bulk package of canned chili and Hungarian goulash soup. That'll get us through and I really couldn't spend more. It's frightening to realize that there are about 400 Euros in my bag now, that's everything we have left. Mehmet exchanged my US dollars before we left… at least he gave me a good exchange rate. It wouldn't be in line with our cover if we arrived in Italy, saying that we had come from Croatia, and still had US dollars on us.
The 400 Euros must be enough to bring us to Italy. The diesel tank is still full and the engine of the boat won't need that much fuel. If the weather is still fine and we continue sailing, we can go all the way to Greece until we have to refuel. Then once more in Croatia. After that, the money will be gone anyway.
Upon arrival, if everything goes as planned, I'll at least get five grand. That's nowhere nearly enough to start a new life, but at least we'll get through for a while. Being in Europe is expensive.
Four days maximum. Not more. That's for how long the 5000 Euros must last. If everything goes as planned, we'll arrive in Venice on Monday, 13 days from now. We'll meet Mark on Thursday thereafter. Four days should be enough and if anything goes wrong there's a….
Audrey told me to come upstairs.
I'm coming!
I turned off the stove first and put the pot with our chili somewhere it won't make a mess when the boat banks back to the other side again.
Jack!
She was impatient.
In a minute!
I searched for that plastic box where they'd normally put in their diving equipment. Perfect place. She called again.
Jack!
She sounded different, almost as if she were in distress. This is serious! I hurried upstairs, taking three steps at a time. The boat didn't bank any more – so I guessed the sails were down. They were. But I couldn't see her at the helm. Had she gone to hoist the spinnaker? There was nobody at the bow either.
There was a strange sound behind me. There she was! She was overboard and our boat had already sailed a few yards away. Damn it! At least she wore a life vest and a safety harness, like always. The jackline would save her anyway…
Suddenly I saw that black guy holding on to the swimming platform at the stern. He must have been the reason why Audrey had fallen into the water. She had wanted to help him and he had torn her down.
One view around was enough to see that they were everywhere, dozens of these guys. Black, young men. Some of them were wearing life vest, but some obviously weren't. There's no other boat visible. Their boat must have drowned.
We were getting slower and slower, since Audrey had taken down the sails.
I reached out for the gun that I stowed in the cabinet below the helm. Until I had turned back, the guy had already gotten a hold of the railing above the swimming platform.
I aimed the gun at him. He halted for a moment.
I saw it in his eyes that he had nothing to lose. He had no life vest. Nothing to hold onto. No boat. Nothing to eat or drink. Probably he had been in the water for half an hour already, ever since their vessel had drowned.
His head was centered between the iron sights of my gun. Get off my boat. I'll give him the chance, even though it's clear to me that he'll not go back into the water. It'd be his death sentence, one way or the other. Either he dies through my bullet or he'll drown.
Answering nothing, he tests my courage to shoot him.
Guy, you picked the wrong one. One life more that I'll take won't make a difference. I've taken so many lives, one more doesn't even count. Even though he's innocent. This is bare self defense. I'll never get Audrey all the way to Munich if we take a bunch of ship-wrecked asylum seekers on board. Either they're gonna kill us or the coast guard will blow our cover and throw us in jail.
He has some trouble climbing onto the swimming platform since his clothes are all wet and the ladder isn't down.
Get off my boat. I repeat it again but he doesn't believe that I'll shoot. All the others have seen it, too, that a boat has come and stopped. Black faces are swimming towards us, it seems from all sides.
I can't delay the decision any longer.
The sound of the shot cuts the air like a knife. A clean head shot. A fountain of blood disgorges over the rear end of the boat.
I thought that the others would stop coming closer once one of them paid with his life. It's right the other way – they don't want to miss their only chance at life and me killing one of them made them angry.
I don't have enough bullets. We need to get away from here, as quickly as possible.
I jump down to the swimming platform and drag Audrey out of the water, by her safety harness. Thank god she had worn one. The waves are higher than I expected.
She's totally numb and shocked. The body of the dead guy is floating in the water next to her. It's not a nice sight after my bullet has mutilated his face.
Audrey. I need to get her to look at me. Audrey!
She slowly reacts.
I need you to start the engine. Now. We need to get away from here.
We're sitting ducks. They are maybe even one hundred or more. If they all come towards the boat, we'll all die. The boat can't carry one hundred people. But above all, they'll take revenge and kill her and me.
She doesn't say a word as I push her towards the helm and repeat the command.
One of them has gotten threateningly close, about three yards. It'll take a while to get the engine started and accelerate the boat to a few knots. No time to hesitate. Don't let him get any closer. I shoot again.
Audrey shrieks.
Start the engine! I yell at her again and shoot once more to buy us some time. Finally she gets going. She has understood how serious or situation is.
Jack! Behind you! I hear her scream and there's barely enough time to turn around and shoot. Some have come towards the front of the boat. The small rim around the side lights must have been enough for them to find a climbing hold and reach the railing.
There's another one at the bow. The swell makes it hard to take an aim. I need to get closer. It's damn dangerous to climb around on the wet deck of the boat without any safety harness on. I try to hold on to something and check if there are any others who already got a hold of the railing. Two in the front. One of them jumps back into the water voluntarily after one of my shots misses him.
Over to the other side. There's one more.
17 bullets were in the magazine. I've already used 10. Finally there's the sound of the engine. Audrey managed to start it.
I head back to the stern. There are a few of them, about ten yards away. They wanted to come to the boat, but by now they've realized that they'll only catch one of my bullets if they try. It's enough to aim at them. They won't come closer.
Finally we get going. At a slow pace.
I hold on to the railing as good as I can make another round to check if there are any of them who have succeeded in climbing up the sides of the boat.
One was creative. He had taken off his jacket and thrown it up around the railing to have something he could use to climb up. He didn't make it. There's a huge area of blood splatters, on the railing, on his jacket an on the deck. I take the jacket, pull it off the railing and throw it back into the water. His corpse is swimming a few yards behind the stern already, as our pace is getting faster and faster.
On the other side, there's nobody.
We made it. We're already going faster than any person is able to swim. This is it.
The number of black faces in the water gets less and less. Some of them are shouting at us, some in a foreign language and some of them I can understand. They're calling us monsters. They're calling me a monster.
Am I?
Audrey is at the helm. She's crying. Tears are all over her still wet face. The sobs shake her whole body.
Nevertheless, she's holding up. I admire her for that.
I make one more walkaround to check. I take my time. Audrey's got the boat meanwhile.
We're alone now. I can put the gun away.
Looking down at it I find it covered in blood, my hands and arms as well. The smell of blood is awful, too. But I've gotten so used to this damn smell. Some of these guys were so close when I shot them… I'm covered in their blood.
Audrey sees me like this, too.
I can read a whole story in her eyes, as she sizes me up.
Her eyes tell me what her mouth would never dare to say: I'm a monster.
I really am.
.
.
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My dear readers - I promise, i'll finish this story. Even though it may take a while.
Thanks for still reading J/A.