Author's Note: Now, this was hard. I almost decided to skip it. But after finding the right song parody and writing it out, I realized I could actually pull it off. After this, we move onto the Turnip Fest episode.
The song featured here is a parody of "Manlyology", a cut song from Galavant.
Any and all comments are welcome.
Darryl McGee, the family trouble-maker, made another mess. During the recess period, he took a janitor's cart and rode is all around the yard. He performed a daredevil stunt that earned him the praises of his fellow students, but also the sneers of his teachers. They immediately sent him to the principal's office and called his parents over.
While Darryl was being lectured, Molly and Loki were standing outside of the office with Scratch looking in. Molly pulled him out.
"So what's happening in there?"
"Oh, they're fighting. It's chaos." Scratch replied.
"Fighting?" Loki asked. "I didn't think Darryl was capable of such violence. Must take it from his mom's side of the family."
"No. The teachers are fighting." Scratch corrected. "They haven't even gotten to Darryl yet."
"Listen!" Molly said pressing her ear to the door. Loki and Scratch did the same. They could hear the principal finally deliver his punishment.
"I believe the fair punishment is… six years detention!"
"But middle school is only three years." Darryl said.
"Not at the rate you're going."
"There goes your fresh start at a new school." Sharon said to her son.
"I thought Brighton was going to be different, Darryl." Pete said keeping his eyes on the road he drove his car on.
Darryl looked down ashamed while Loki and Molly sat right beside him and Scratch hovered over their heads. "I was just trying to liven up recess. It's been so boring since they condemned the swing set."
"I'd make a joke about the school's budget, but that's beneath me." Loki said.
"Darryl, haven't we had this exact conversation before?" Pete asked.
"Well, no. All my other incidents involved shopping carts, custodian cars, and go-karts."
"All carts are off-limits." Pete scolded. "If it's got wheels, stop commandeering it!"
Darryl sighed before turning to the kids sitting next to him. "What's your secret, Molly? You never get called down to the principal's office. What are you doing that I'm not?"
"It's more about what I'm not doing."
"Which is pretty much anything you're doing." Scratch said.
"Face it, child. It's physically impossible for Molly McGee to need to be called to the principal's office." Loki said. "She's just too nice about that."
"There's no such thing as too nice." Molly said.
"Maybe you could teach me your ways?" Darryl asked. "Show me how to not get into trouble?"
"Like nice lessons?" Molly asked excitedly. "Heck, yeah! I can totally teach you. And as an added bonus, I'm throwing in a classmate for you: Loki."
Loki widened his eyes. "Which Loki? Is there another Loki in this car? I know you're not talking about me."
Under duress, Loki joined Darryl at the basement where Molly set up a classroom with her at the front standing next to a pink sign that read "How to be Good".
"Welcome class, to my first-ever seminar: How to Be…"
"BOO! Being good's for suckers." Scratch interrupted.
"Hear, hear." Loki said.
Molly pulled out a spray bottle and shot water from its nozzle hitting them both.
"Please, refrain from distracting the other students." Molly said. "Don't forget, Loki, I'm doing this for you too. If you want to be a better guy…"
"You're still wanting me to be better?" Loki asked. "Nice try, McGee, but being good isn't going to change anything."
"We'll see about that, smart guy." Molly said. "Now, today, we will learn the 12 steps to being good."
"Twelve?" Darryl asked. "Okay, real talk, my attention span is, like, 15 minutes, including a snack breeeaaa…" He was lost in thought starting at a passing housefly.
"Okay." Molly said. "We'll skip being considerate to your elders, having a strong moral compass, befriending stray kittens… You know what? I'll just boil it down into a song."
Molly:
Now, being nice is simple. There's a very special tool
Those with good intent
Follow this commandment
That's called the Golden Rule
Just treat others how you'd like them to treat you
Be nothing but kind
Keep that in mind
That's all you need to do
Now, the Molly McGee course allows rules of three
So if you want to change your ways, just listen to me
See if there's a problem and understand
Think about others and lend a hand
Take responsibility, and you'll reach the sky
Then, suddenly, you're Mr. Nice Guy
Now, let's go over the don'ts to being honest and good
I'll give you a quiz and you'll answer. Got it
Darryl:
Understood
Molly:
Do nice guys help old ladies
Darryl:
Yes
Molly:
Do nice guys have shady motives
Darryl:
No
Molly:
Does a nice guy share
Only to care
Never takes. Only gives
Darryl:
Sure
Molly:
Does a nice guy give to charity
Darryl:
I guess
Molly:
Does he worry about being traced
Darryl:
No
Molly:
What do you say
When a 20 blows your way
Darry:
It's not mine
Molly:
YOU ACED
Darryl:
Hey. I'm getting the hang of this
Molly:
Well, even I'm flabbergasted
Loki:
Guess Darryl's fun times are over
Scratch:
Well, it was fun while it lasted
Darryl:
NO MORE ULTERIORS OR SHADY DEALS
FROM NOW ON, I'LL THINK HOW OTHERS FEEL
KISS THE TROUBLEMAKER PART OF ME GOODBYE
AND SAY HELLO TO MR. NICE GUY
After the class, Darryl has quickly changed into a model citizen. Picking trash off the side of the road, Apologizing to his teachers. Serving breakfast to his family. Everyone was proud of the progress he's made. Little did they know how much everything was about to change.
The kids and Scratch were walking to school. Suddenly, they were instantly passed by police cars and news vans. They went over to investigate finding them all surrounding the middle school. They joined all the other students who surrounded the panicking principal.
"The teachers! The teachers are missing!"
The kids cheered and ran around the schoolyard. The principal rushed over to try to control them without much success. All the while, Darryl smiled.
"Wow. This worked out great."
"Worked out?" Loki asked. "What do you mean?"
"I followed Molly's lessons to a T. I saw there was a problem, so I took responsibility to think of others and find a solution. The problem: teachers ruin all the fun. But how to get rid of them? I remembered there was a prisoner pickup nearby because of our highway cleanup. So I gave the teachers orange jumpsuits to blend in on the bus, and I forged a note from Principal O'Connor to make their team building day seem legit. By now, they should already be in the Brighton Correctional Facility not knowing they're really in jail."
Molly widened her pale eyes with completely shocked expression. "You sent… our teachers… TO PRISON?!"
"Hehe…" Everyone looked over toward Loki trying to cover his mouth. "Hahaha." He suddenly couldn't hold in in anymore. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! HOOHOOHOOHOO! HAHAHAHAHA! THAT'S BRILLIANT! ABSOLUTE MISCHIEF AT ITS FINEST! HAAAHAHAHAHA!" He gave one last laugh before laying down on his back exhausted from his outburst.
"You done?" Molly asked.
"I think so." Loki said.
Scratch took a picture of them with his phone. "Sorry. I just want to preserve this moment. And one more with the failure filter…"
"This is bad, Darryl! Really, really bad!" Molly said.
"How?" Darryl asked. "I made everyone happy."
"You made the kids happy, but what about the teachers?" Molly asked. "Do you think they're happy? In prison?"
"Teachers have feelings?" Darryl asked suddenly realizing. "Where does it end? Being good is harder than I thought."
"YA THINK!" Molly yelled.
"Okay, okay, everyone. Relax." Loki said. "I've helped plenty of criminals out of jail. Sure, it was mostly a plot to destroy Thor, but I'm still an expert on the subject. I can just…"
"No! We can't! Breaking someone out of jail is wrong!" Molly said. "We can just talk to the guards and tell them this was a big misunderstanding."
After rushing to the prison, Molly pleaded with the guard at the front gate. "Look, you don't understand. They're falsely imprisoned."
"Sorry, kid. I'm not letting you in or anyone out." The guard said.
Feeling defeated, Molly turned and walked toward Darryl and Loki. "He wouldn't listen?"
"Wow. A cop who doesn't listen to kids. Who could've seen that coming?" Loki asked.
"Do you have any bright ideas?" Molly asked.
"Yes. Let's break the teachers out." Loki said.
"I think we should do it Loki's way, Molly." Darryl said. "We're going to have to do a little bad to do a little good."
"Sounds like my jam." Scratch said.
Molly sighed. "Fine."
"Go democracy." Loki said. He lead the others to an unguarded side of the prison. "Now, Scratch, you're going to have to go over the fence and open the door for us. Remember, go over it, not through it."
"Why can't I go through it?" Scratch asked.
"Because it's electrified."
Scratch laughed. "Seriously? I'm a ghost. The fence won't affect me. Watch."
"Wait! Scratch, don't!" Loki cried out. But he was too late.
As soon as Scratch touched the fence, his entire being was shocked intensely. He landed just on the other side of the fence while Loki smacked his forehead.
"Is he dead?" Darryl asked.
"I don't think a ghost can die." Molly said unsure.
"He's all right." Loki groaned. "He's just going to go loopy. That's what happens to every electrified ghost."
"Oh, look!" Scratch slurred as he picked himself up moving all woozy. "It's the great ghost expert here to tell us all the ghost expert stuff he knows. So glad you're here to enlighten us, ghost-pert."
Loki sighed. "Great. This is just perfect. Now, Scratch is going to be too scrambled to focus."
"Why can't you go over the fence?" Molly asked. "Can't you fly with your Asgard powers?"
"What?" Loki asked. "No, I can't 'fly with my Asgard powers'! That's not a thing!"
"Then how does Thor fly?" Darryl asked.
"With his stupid hammer!" Loki responded angrily. He took a deep breath. "Honestly, you people just don't listen."
Darryl sighed. "Sorry, guys. Guess I'm just no good at being good. I'm always going to be bad. Guess it's just in my nature."
Loki looked over to Darryl and gave a sympathetic breath. He sat down next to him. "Darryl, do you know what I've learned in my life? No one bad is ever truly bad, and no one good is ever truly good. Sometimes, people are what they are. But wanting to change… That's a good first step. Do you want to change?"
"Well, sure. But I don't know how."
"Neither do I." Loki said. "To this day, I'm still waiting for the answer. In the meantime, I'm just going to have to be me."
"Wow. That's some wise words, Loki." Molly said.
Loki chuckled. "Well, I am thousands of years old." He shared a laugh with Molly and Darryl.
Scratch groaned starting to recover. "Oh. What just happened? I have a splitting headache." He literally split himself leaving a ghostly brain left.
"Well, now that Scratch is back, we can…"
Loki was interrupted by a loud alarm coming from the prison. There were also sounds of a riot coming from the courtyard. Suddenly, a laundry cart flew over the fence with the wrongfully-imprisoned teachers flying it with a leaf blower. After jumping the fence, they continued riding through the parking lot.
"Okay, I feel like I missed a lot." Scratch said.
"Odin's beard." Loki said. "Did those three really break out on their own? I gotta admit, I'm impressed."
The next day, the teachers celebrated their prison experience without ever knowing they were really in jail. The McGee's watched them bond.
"Who knew prison would be such a bonding experience?" Molly asked.
"Yeah. I hope I get to go to prison someday." Darryl said.
"I think you will, sport." Scratch assured.
"I'm just surprised that for a bunch of educators, they didn't realize they were actually in prison." Loki said.
"Thanks, Molly. You've taught me a valuable lesson." Darryl said. "I've learned that even when I try really hard to be good, I still get things wrong. So I'm taking Loki's advice to just be me and hope for the best."
"Wait, what?" Molly asked.
"Now, if you'll excuse me," Darryl said holding up a leaf blower, "I see an AV cart with my name on it." He ran down the hallway without stopping.
"I'm dropping your class." Scratch said.
Loki chuckled proudly. "Wow. Who knew I'd be such a good life coach?"
Up in Odin's throne room, the Allfather was graced by the presence of one of his greatest warriors, the Lady Sif. The woman bowed to her king out of respect.
"Lady Sif," Odin said, "Heimdall's fears still linger in my mind. So I'm sending to down to Midgard to investigate."
"My lord," Sif said, "With all due respect, isn't Thor the one responsible for Loki?"
"I fear Thor might be too close to carry on judgement is Loki has returned." Odin said. "You remember how Thor was silent after what happened in Norway. I need a level head to see this through. So I'm sending you to this town, Brighton, confirm if Loki is there, and if he is, bring him to Asgard alive. Remember to conceal yourself. If the mortals hear that Loki is among them, they will panic and he will be much more difficult to find."
"Understood, Allfather." Sif said. "I will go to this Brighton and investigate. If Loki is there, he will be brought to Asgard very shortly."