"Don't you intend to make your services more accessible?"
Vanilla crossed her arms in front of her (missing) chest. The young looking blond vampire was getting tired of being asked the same question again and again under a different form. And this particular "customer" was starting to get on her nerves.
"I'm sorry Amira, but my answer is still no. I already help Luka with my own skills, as well as also Mephisto when she requires assistance in managing the stocks. If I start cutting my prices for friends, word will spread around and I will end up losing money fast!"
"Tch. So greedy." The reverse lamia clicked her tongue and looked down at the merchant. "What would your mother say if she saw you now?"
"She would be extremely proud that her daughter has been personally chosen by the vampire queen herself to assist in starting her business and got herself a name as a result."
"You might have been chosen by the vampire queen, but the customer is king."
"Except you're not buying anything, sooo… you're not a customer. And the kings pay as everyone else do." She leaned over the counter to whisper to Amira. "Also the Don is aware of your little scam about selling pseudo elixirs that are nothing else than basic herbs mixed with wine. You might want to stay low for a while."
The reverse Lamia waddled out of the Pocket Castle, emitting noises that sounded like swears all the while. Across the hallway, Teeny was busy cleaning the counter with a cloth. The small lamia was one of the more diligent person when it came to keeping the castle clean. Vanilla decided to take a break to discuss with her friend.
"Hey Teeny. You're not too busy right now?"
"No, the inn service is currently not being used that much."
Vanilla stepped behind the counter and saw that the room was currently unused. However, she also noticed that the furniture was of extremely high quality, and the room itself was perfectly clean.
"Woaah, you really made that old room better! Why did you do that? That's impressive!"
"That's because I want to show I can be the best hostess!" She proudly stood with a triumphant smile. However, after a minute, her expression gradually soured. "But it's difficult, I had to buy new furniture several times because it deteriorate fast. And now there are queen monsters who use it, so I have to be sure it is fit for them! My reputation is at stake!"
Vanilla looked starry eyed. "Today, it is fit for a queen. One day, it will have to be fit for a god."
"That is not funny!"
"But with Luka, that may be true." Both girls turned toward Salamander. The Fire Spirit was standing behind them, looking maternally at the duo. "Besides, even if you fail, you at least tried and you will improve! Look at Papi! She started at the lowest, and now, she's probably the best smith there is south of Hellgondo! But she met difficulty on her path, I still remember when she learned to craft rainbow material... She never gave up."
The duo was barely listening at her, and was more focused on staring at the spirit's exposed breasts. "Girls? Are you listening?" Salamander waved her hand in front of their empty stares.
"Breasts…"
"What?" When she realized what they were talking about, Salamander recoiled and used her arms to cover herself. "Oh come on, I already have enough problems with Sara and Carmilla, don't tell me you want it too!"
"What?" Teeny raised an eyebrow. "We're talking about the luck you have in having well developed breasts!" Salamander sighed, relieved. "What's the link with the succubus princess and the left hand of the vampire queen?" She tensed back again.
"Huuh, nothing! Forget about it! What's it about me having well developed breasts… Oh, I see, you're worried because your chests are not as developed as some other monsters."
Both monsters nodded, teary eyed.
Salamander sighed. "Well, you're still extremely young, so they still have time to grow. Also, whatever the succubus queen says, bigger is not better."
"That's easy to say in your case."
Teeny immediately regretted this slip of her tongue. Salamander was right in her face, intensively glaring at the small lamia. The fire spirit calmed down fast, however.
"Be careful about what you say. Some people can react more violently to a misplaced word." She started smiling motherly again. "Considering your issue, it may be important to you, but you have so much more to live for. I mean, it won't change anything into your hostess or your merchant skills. Even when it comes to seduction, there are different tastes in the nature, and all sizes have their chance… And even then , being a good monster is not all about being the sexiest! And sexiness isn't just about breasts! Actually why don't you ask around you what's important to make you proud representatives of your kind? Other member of your races can have different perspectives on the matter, after all."
Both of the bandits nodded and left. Salamander hoped that the lesson that took roots was that there were more important things than having a big chest. Bah! After all, they were still young. They would probably grow out of this silly and petty problem.
"You were giving advice to children? I wonder how this will end."
Salamander scowled as she saw Undine, the water spirit. "What? You've got a problem with that?"
"I never considered you would be kind and patient enough to teach any young children anything useful."
Salamander frowned. "Come on! While you were busy sulking into your spring, I keep teaching to any pupils that was willing to put up an effort!"
"Teaching them what? How to be barbarians?!"
Salamander's fist got suddenly set ablaze. "Oh, I see how it is, it's on then!"
Ignoring the rising conflict between the two spirits, Teeny and Vanilla were making their way to the back on the castle when they got noticed by Gob and Papi. The small goblin zoomed in to the group at an incredible speed.
"Hey! Where are you going?"
"We're going to ask the adults about how to be good monsters! We want to have a shining future!"
The small dragonkin puffed her chest proudly. "I already know my future is going to be shining! I will be the best smith ever! And I will have large breasts too!"
"It is not what's important." Vanilla wanted to sound neutral, but she ended up grimacing when she retorted to Papi.
"Awww, don't worry, I'm sure if you drink milk and eat meat, yours will grow too." The dragon pup sounded extremely cheerful, which further aggravated the vampire who started sulking silently. The lamia was just looking down. "What's happening?"
"Nothing…"
Both Teeny and Vanilla stared at each other, bonding over their plight. "We'll never grow strong and attract men…"
Gob shrugged. "I remembered the fox goddess at Yamatai, she said a chest wasn't needed to attract men."
"But she's a goddess and we're not." The group fell silent, pondering the different wise words they heard and how it contradicted what they saw in the past. Eventually, Teeny found a solution.
"Why don't we go see Succubus? I am sure she has a lot to tell on the matter."
The small group was making its way to library, where miss succubus was loudly arguing with her friend Witch. The scantily clad mayor of Succubus Village was standing up, angrily pointing at her friend who was still calmly sipping tea.
"I mean, when did you think that becoming a magical girl would be good? We would definitively have appreciated your help back then!"
Witch remained calm, slowly pouring tea in her hat, which seemed to appreciate the hot beverage as a tentacle extended to lap it. "I told you, I apologize. If I knew that the village was going to be attacked at that precise moment, I would have remained here to protect you. However, my fortunes were talking about an opportunity for growth. So I thought that was the ideal challenge for me. Also, I wanted to break away from potatoes."
"They're delicious and nutritious! Don't try changing the subject!" The mayor calmed down when she noticed the small bandits. "Oh hey, what are you children doing here?"
"How do we attract men when we don't have breasts?"
Succubus chuckled awkwardly, until she realized they were serious.
"Oh, really? Don't worry about it, you've time to grow, and you're certainly too young to worry ending as a Christmas cake." The small bandits were looking at the succubus mayor with puppy eyes. She sighed and maternally passed her hand in Vanilla's head. "But if it's that important to you, attracting someone is as much in the manner as in your body itself. However, I'm not even sure you'll have to rely on seduction to be successful when I see how skilled you are already."
"But how are we going to be good monsters if we're not attractive?"
"Oh, so that's what it's about! Being a monster is not always about being the sexiest! Look around you!" Witch glared at her. "So don't worry about it. I mean, you already are all engaged in careers: Vanilla is known in the merchant world, Teeny is starting to get a reputation amongst the queens as a professional hostess, Papi is already an excellent smith, and Gob…" She looked at the small goblin, trying to think of something. "You're an excellent messenger. So to conclude, breasts are not needed for sexiness, and sexiness is not needed for success. You can reach summits with your skills alone if you talk to the right persons and work hard."
Witch was struggling with her hat, which was trying to drink the hot water straight from the tea pot. "Also, if you don't force everybody to eat potatoes."
Succubus scowled at the acerb answer from her friend. "Oh, sorry if I am concerned about the well being of the village and want to get sure we never starve."
"I don't blame your regard, just… Have you ever considered, I don't know, growing anything else?"
Succubus got up and left, visibly angry.
"Hey, wait!" Witch turned toward the kids and awkwardly smiled. "Just… remember what she meant. There's always more than one solution if you want to reach a certain goal. And just because you have found one solution doesn't mean you should stop looking for others. And when you focus fully on one thing… bad things happen. So don't forget your craft, but don't forget to learn other things too!"
The succubus soothsayer left in a hurry, calling after her friend. The Four Bandits looked at each other. Gob grimaced.
"Sooo, should we see anyone else?"
"Oh, I know!" Vanilla jumped up and down excitedly. "We'll ask the Vampire Queen! She loves me and she lived for centuries! I'm sure she has an answer for us!"
The four Bandits reached the back of the library, which was the usual place where the Vampire Queen and her minion hung out. However, it appeared the queen was missing, only leaving her two lieutenants, Carmilla and Elizabeth. The former noticed Vanilla and her friends approaching.
"My! If it isn't Alucart! What can I do for you?"
"Do you know where the queen is?"
"She's currently sleeping in the basement and asked to not be disturbed by anyone. You wanted to see her for a particular reason?"
"Actually…" Vanilla looked at both vampires in front of her. Elizabeth was standing proudly, wearing her trademark monocle, while Carmilla herself was nonchalantly leaning on a stack of book. "I want to know what makes for a good monster."
"Oooh, you're looking toward you future, huh? But you know, you shouldn't restrain your ambition like that. You shouldn't aspire to be a good monster. You should aspire to be the best. You must be powerful, sexy, and always be at the top of what you do." Carmilla looked at her younger counterpart. "As a merchant, you must always aspire to be above all the others. Of course, vampires are the best monsters that will ever walk this ball of dirt. It's because we all have these qualities naturally, and we also strive to be noble and powerful." She started parading and wiggling herself in front of her audience. Elizabeth grimaced in front of her friend's attitude.
"And being noble means always maintaining a minimum amount of decorum and not parading yourself like a cheap succubus in a whorehouse."
Carmilla glared at Elizabeth. "Are you jealous because you don't have anything to show off?"
Elizabeth haughtily chuckled. "Please! Like I have anything to hear from a lazy do-nothing like you!"
"You didn't answeeer!" The pink haired vampire responded in a sing song voice.
Elizabeth sighed. "I don't even want to lose time discussing the matter. When it comes to lays, the only reason you beat me is because you both go for everyone and are too merciful on them." She haughtily put the palm of her hand toward the ceiling. "I am not like a dog that goes for anything that's available."
"Ohoh?" Carmilla pushed up her chest with her arm. "Are you sure it's not something else? You know, if you drank more milk…"
"That's it!" Elizabeth got up and lunged at Carmilla. Both of them clawed at each other in a frenzy, leaving the visitors dumbfounded.
The small group slowly backed up out of the room as the two vampires started fighting like cats. Once they were out, Vanilla was looking down at the ground in shame. Knowing the queen put her on the same level as the two others did seem like the ultimate gift she had been given until that very moment.
Gob looked awkwardly at her. "Soo… Is there anyone else we can see for some valuable advice?"
"Oh! I know! We can see lady Shirohebi! She's worshipped as a goddess and is insanely wealthy. Maybe she'll tell us how we can be successful."
The other members of the Four Bandits approved, and the group started moving toward the bar.
The group could easily see the white lamia from afar. She was sitting at the bar, served regularly by Barbun. The empty bottle of Yamatai sake was a silent testimony to her long time presence at this place, as she was wallowed on the counter.
The bartender smiled warmly when the kids arrived. "Oh hey there! Do you want anything?"
"We wanted to talk to miss Shirohebi."
The white lamia groaned and slowly turned toward them. She smiled at them, but ended up more creepy than reassuring, and she wobbled a few times on her chair.
"Yesss? Do you want anything from me? I'm open, as long as you're not here to ask for money…"
"Actually, we wanted to know how to be successful and how to get as much money as you."
Shirohebi chuckled awkwardly and hiccupped before answering. "I was born in it. As to how my family acquired it… One great grandmother was the best performer in traditional eastern dances that the world had seen, and it was when those were considered the top of the fashion. She traveled through the whooole world, and danced for queens and kings alike." Her face flushed. "She also danced the horizontal tango with a few of them if you catch my drift. Anyway, she got paid a fortune and some of it got invested in Yamatai and other places to bring in even more money." She emptied her current drink and slammed the glass on the counter. "And before you ask, I have some use for it, so no, I don't have fifty thousand coins for candies!"
She looked at the surprised bandits for a second before smiling sadly. "Sorry for my… misplaced outburst. When it comes to money, you're more serious than way too many of the castle's inhabitants!" She ended her sentence turned toward a wall. A small clicking tongue noise and a "tch!" could be heard. "Anyway, I'm sorry, I'm just under a lot of pressure, you remember I have to find another lamia queen, and even after so much time I still didn't find anything. My great grandmother was a legend that brought fame and fortune to the family, and here I am, stuck searching for a queen, with a responsibility I don't want. Know this, kids. Enjoy your time as people don't keep heaping responsibility on you and make you feel worthless, and break your lives with petty idiocies, and…"
The white lamia eventually passed out as she kept ranting. The Four Bandits looked at each other in front of the snoring miko, not knowing what to do of their experience so far. Teeny philosophically scratched her chin.
"You know what? I think that we should not always look up to adults. We thought they got their ideas in order. They don't. They're only pretending they do."
Every one of the four bandits nodded solemnly, as if it was the most valuable wisdoms for the ages. Eventually, Gob looked at the others.
"Wanna go play in the Forest of Spirits? I'm sure Sylph will welcome us!"
The bandits all agreed and left, taking a break from the worries of the future.