1. Each resident of this castle possesses his or her own private room with all amenities possible. Do not get it on with a partner in the middle of the hallways.
1.a. Or at least, clean up afterward.
1.b. People eat on those tables. Please don't.
1.b.1. Saying that your partner is "a tasty morsel" does not make him food.
1.b.2. It is now forbidden to encourage people doing that by chanting around the table.
1.b.3. People caught doing it in the food stockpile are expected to pay for the food they tainted.
1.b.3.1. Should they prove unable to repay their debts, they will be forced to eat said food themselves.
2. Accompanying the hero Luka on his adventures means facing the numerous dangers on the road together and supporting him in any investigation. It does not mean trying to nail him at every occasion.
2.a. Even if all your companions agreed beforehand.
2.b. Even if he agreed beforehand. Going from Iliasville to Iliasburg shouldn't take the better part of a week.
3. Equipment automatically adapt to their wearers. You are not fooling anyone with your "wardrobe malfunction"
3.a. If "repeated wardrobe malfunctions" occur, you will be given a basic set of peasant clothing and nothing else to wear for the next week.
3.b. Yes, a high-class set of cloth is "a fine weapon in the arsenal of seduction." It does not mean you should take them off to hit your opponents with it.
3.c. Even if good results were obtained with gold armor.
4. Aquaphobia does not excuse the lack of hygiene.
4.a. Yes, running through the countryside and fighting monsters for a week make one stinks. The inn owner from San Ilia was in his right to refuse you service.
4.b. We attracted an Akaname from Yamatai when we were in Sabasa. Every person caught stinking the place will be on cleaning duty.
5. Personal belongings are called personal for a reason. Please do not steal them from your fellows.
5.a. Even if you're a thief.
5.b. Residents from civilized settlements are not marks either.
5.c. Acceptable targets include: Monsters, humans and angels attacking us, people specifically targeted by the hero in the context of an investigation, and Amira.
5.d. The confusion of battle is not a valid excuse for stealing the equipment of your partners.
5.d.1. Lucretia is prayed to bring back the hero his armor.
5.d.2. And his undergarments.
5.d.3. Without conditions.
6. It is forbidden to haze new recruits.
6.a. Hazing involves any sort of twisted challenge imposed on someone to integrate them, like forcing them to trap the hero, have them run around naked, or forcing them to eat Sonya's cooking.
6.b. Blackmailing them for money is also considered hazing.
6.b.1. Amira is head of the network of informant. She does not have the power to make anyone disappear.
6.b.2. Everyone that does not want to disappear must pay Amira 500G daily. (revoked)
6.b.3. Every issue involving Amira can be reported to Sonya, Mephisto, Spider Princess or Morrigan who will mediate the issue.
7. Combining weapons to always have the most effective one at hand for your skills is a waste of resource.
7.a. The "Blade Rifle" is impractical as it is impossible to hold it without cutting your hand.
7.b. The creator of the "Deadly Rotary Ninja Blade" is asked to do a demonstration in front of everyone.
7.c. The creator of the "Fanned Blade Crusher" is to pay for all the weapons broken in her experiment.
7.c.1. We know who it is.
8. Bringing outsiders inside the Pocket Castle without the hero's consent first is forbidden.
8.a. Even if they're friends.
8.b. Particularly if they're family.
8.b.1. Even if it is for "a foursome that will leave the hero begging for more."
8.b.2. Even if Luka says he's willing to do it again.
8.c. You are free to go out on your own for romantic evenings.
8.c.1. Do not bring dried up victims at the castle.
8.c.2. Do not tell guards that you let those bodies in the middle of the city because the hero doesn't want to see them at the castle. We have an image to uphold.
9. The gold in the common chest is to be used for common spending, such as food and equipment upgrade. They are not to be used for personal goals involving indulging in luxury.
9.a. Sleeping at the Sutherland Inn at full rate is considered luxury. So is binging on Grandeur's shows.
9.b. We can understand that not everybody wants to live full-time in the Pocket Castle. Buying a whole manor at the center of Grand Noah does not qualify as "a small summer house."
9.c. Any debt contracted to the mafia is to be solved by its contractor on his or her own.
9.c.1. You have an informant network. Pay with it.
10. While the meals served are free, starving oneself to eat twice as more when back at the castle is just poor form.
11. People that intend to cook for the whole castle are first to be validated by their peer. We do not want five hundred kilograms of beef to go down the drain again.
11.a. People who want to pass that test must first show a basic understanding of how the kitchen work. We're just done cleaning the remainder of the last fire.
11.a.1. No, we don't know how she managed to set it on fire when cooking ice cream either.
11.b. To male companions and recruits: Most monsters around you are able to either set on fire a tree with their mind, shoot down a fly from a hundred yards, or can bend steel with their thighs. Asking them to "be womanly and make a sandwich" is ill-advised.
11.b.1. Poisoning food to "show those pigs" is forbidden.
11.b.2. So is drugging them to nail them.
11.b.3. Even if they asked you to.
12. Alcohol is also available for those meals, and the Pocket Castle also possesses an additional cave. This is no reason to start a drinking contest.
12.a. People that start such a contest are expected to clean the ensuing mess.
12.b. People that encourage and start drunken brawls are expected to take care of the aftermath.
12.c. Alcohol ingurgitation, real or faked, is not an excuse to try to get it on with the hero or anyone else.
12.c.1. Following the bans of Kureha and Mary from all the taverns south of Hellgondo, do not start drinking contests abroad either.
13. Asking a scylla or succubus maid for additional private services will lead to its own punishment.
14. All magic spells can have a mundane utility. However magic must be used in proportionate measure. Using omega blaze to heat up your tea is overkill and a waste of energy.
14.a. Using Time Stop on an opponent when you argue is poor form.
14.b. Do not use any pleasure spell in the Pocket Castle.
14.b.1. Do not use any spell if the conditions do not demand it.
14.b.2. When in doubt, do not use any spell, period.
14.c. Do not use spells to cheat at the casino.
15. Pets brought in the Pocket Castle must be fully managed and controlled by their owners.
15.a. No matter how funny it was to see it chase Amira, please keep that Sabasan lion under control.
15.b. Running around frantically and asking people if they've seen your pet tarantula won't get you good points.
15.b.1. The correct reaction when seeing a lost animal is to imprison it. Setting the whole castle on fire is excessive.
15.c. No using your pet as bribe, no matter how cute it is.
16. The casino uses token that can be exchanged with gold or with a set of specified reward. No other improper money or services should be thrown into the mix.
16.a. No improper money or service should be accepted into the mix.
16.a.1. Half of those monsters would kill you in the process. You've been warned.
17. Conflicts between residents must be settled in the arena/in the colosseum/in the middle of nowhere/must be handled responsibly to prevent the end of the world. We still have people in Finoa reeling from the latest fight between Undine and Salamander.
18. The colosseum is managed by the city of Grand Noah. Participation is open to everyone. Do not forget that as a companion of the hero, you represent the best hope in this world against the horrors that threaten it. Act accordingly.
18.a. Yes, the winner might do as they please with the loser. Yes, you can make a show of it. Cheers indicate that the crowd enjoys what's happening. A dumbfounded silence means that you horrified them. The latter is ground for immediate removal and banishment from the arena.
18.b. What happened in the colosseum, stays in the colosseum.
19. Any show that could be given in Grandeur is to be validated by the theatre's manager first.
19.a. The creator of the show must be able to give a detailed rundown and must not hold back critical information.
19.a.1. Yes, people were surprised by the sudden "Handjob Karaoke" with public participation. There won't be a repeat.
19.a.2. Yes, your partner must end up alive after the "Reverse Rape Show"
19.b. Pranking a public-shy young monster was fun the first time, not the three next ones.
19.c. A small pep talk is a valid form of support to help someone to deal with stage fright. Getting them high on pheromones or brainwashing them is not.
19.d. No making the public participating against its will.
19.e. No killing the public.
19.e.1. Even if they disapprove your performance.
19.e.2. Even if they act perverted.
19.e.3. No matter how idiotic their reactions are.
20. The wards around the labs are to be kept up at all time.
20.a. Any experience which scope expands beyond the room is to be done outside, in a place isolated, far from every civilization.
20.a.1. If its scope is transdimensional, forget it and throw it away.
20.b. "The progress of science" does not justify the destruction of half of the Pocket Castle.
20.c. Neither does "But I was almost there!"
20.d. The creation of additional forms of life is prohibited for obvious reasons.
20.e. So does the creation of forms of unlife.
20.f. Shocking monsters that saw the Great war is the sign that your experience is insane, not that you are "transcending the powers that were."
20.f.1. While technically impressive, the reproduction of a spell to control the weather in a room is not "transcending the powers that were." Also, the creator of the ensuing storm happening in the second floor is asked to clean the resulting mess and never do anything like that again.
20.g. While not everything that comes out of the laboratory must have a practical use, their creators must at least be able to give a sensible answer when asked "WHY?"
20.h. No experimenting on unwilling patients.
20.h.1. Scientists must be able to answer to the actions of their patients.
20.h.2. Consider the consequences of giving Christie her own set of tentacles its own punishment for all parties involved.
20.i. Any race change performed by Promestein is done at the risk of the demander.
21. For your own safety, do not put any move on the hero Heinrich if Alicetromeria is near.
21.a. Even if she's far. Especially if she is far.
21.b. Just stay away from the hero Heinrich.
22. The chapel is the place of leisure used by angels and pious monsters. Respect its solemnity.
22.a. Following the "Mofairies" incident, everyone who's not approved can no longer enter the chapel. You asked for it.
23. Yes, most of humans sovereigns had the misfortune of being of the receiving end of a brainwashing spell. However, asking them if they're up there every day has become boring as soon as the second time you asked for it.
23.a. Whoever printed those "Real human ruler: 100% brainwashed" is to destroy its merchandise immediately.
23.a.1. Or, barring that, this person is to report to negotiate taxes and royalties.
24. No using the bigger monsters as mounts for races.
24.a. No using the smaller monsters as mount for races.
24.b. After overwhelming feedback, organizations of such races must be decided and validated with the leader of the local human kingdoms.
24.c. Betting on those races is done to the discretion of involved parties.
25. This set of rules is to be respected by all residents of the Pocket Castle.
25.a. Those rules are overruled because they come from Mephisto who is a tight-ass Ilias virgin. (revoked)
25.a.1.t is forbidden to modify the rules without the expressed consent of the creator of this chart.
25.a.2. It is forbidden to pretend you are the creator of this chart.
25.a.3. It is forbidden to attempt to brainwash the creator of this chart to modify it.
25.a.4. It is forbidden to brainwash someone to pretend they're the creator of this chart.
25.a.5. It is forbidden to ask someone to brainwash someone else to pretend they're the creator of this chart.
25.a.6. It is forbidden to blackmail someone to brainwash someone else to pretend they're the creator of this chart.
25.a.7. It is forbidden to pretend to be someone else to blackmail someone to brainwash someone to have someone else pretend that they're the brainwashed creator of this chart in hope of modifying this text.
25.b. Nobody else but the creator of this chart is allowed in the room where this chart can be edited.
26. The scientific team is asked to take care of the zombies on a regular basis.
26.a. "Taking care" means "maintaining", not "upgrading" nor "destroying" them.
26.b. "It was an accident I swear" does not work when you've been caught stalking the lab for five hours with a judgment spell at the ready.
26.c. Giving your zombies additional limbs or switching them around is simply cruel.
26.c.1. So is attempting to combine them into one.
26.d. Everyone who expresses a desire to help the scientific team in this endeavor must first pass a basic biology test.
26.d.1. And a basic psychological one as well.
27. Our informant network is given the task of observing the troubles in the world to give us the ability to respond fast. They must not be used for something so trivial and petty as digging up dirt on someone.
27.a. Our informant network is to stop selling said dirt at the best price to everyone asking for it.
27.b. Our protection only extends against major external threats. Consider your surprise matchup in the arena against the beelzebubs your punishment.
28. Spiders are to not let their thread hang everywhere.
28.a. Or anywhere out of their rooms for that matter.
29. It is forbidden to attempt to sell a fellow companion.
29.a. It is forbidden to purchase a fellow companion.
29.b. It is forbidden to eat a fellow companion.
30. It is natural to want to help young monsters groom their skills by tutoring them. It is less natural to bring them when hunting for partners.
30.a. They don't need to see Succubus Village every time either.
30.b. Because they don't need that in the first place.
30.c. Not everyone can be a tutor for obvious reason. Please consider that you have to assume responsibilities for the action of your junior student.
30.c.1. Scat Captain is to stay away from Kamuro if he doesn't want to be trampled by Nanabi before disappearing. We still didn't find out what happened to that guy who hit on her trainees.
Feather twirling in hand, Mephisto sighed as she looked at the list in front of her. How did they survive for so long was a mystery for the ages. She finished a now-cold cup of tea and got up from her chair at a slow pace.
"I am getting too old for this…"
She slowly placed the paper in a vault, closed the door and placed a barrier on the lot. How long could she bear the insanity outside of her small sanctuary?
She slowly opened the door leading to the royal room, expecting an ambush as soon as she stepped out. There was no sign of life. She still remained as cautious as ever, and closed the door leading to the pocket dimension behind her in a heartbeat. She slowly strolled through the room at a leisurely pace, enjoying what could very well be the last minute of tranquility before being drowned into the chaotic mess of the daily life in the Pocket Castle. She hesitated for a moment as her hand reached the door leading her outside. What kind of hell would befall her this time? Deciding to be done with it, she opened the door.
Her ears were instantly assailed by a metallic ruckus as the sound of clashing steel and spells coming from below reached her. She slowly made her way to the arena where the sound was likely coming from, and wasn't surprised to see drunken onis and spiders fighting in a chaotic brawl, surrounded by enthusiastic monsters of all races betting on one or the other. Behind a table, she could see Magical Mari-chan shouting in her wand as she commented the match with unbridled enthusiasm.
She shook her head. This time, it was better to let it happen.