Anniversary Plans
The sky was a brilliant teal blue and fluffy white clouds seemed to glow in the rays of the sun. Down below was a city in the clouds; heart-shaped buildings made of gold, silver, and glass. A nearby white sign with an eye on the upper center and a light blue Christian Cross read, "Welcome to Elf City: Second Sphere," referring to one of the nine sectors of the Halo of Humility (similar to the nine circles of the vast Pride Ring in Hell). Standing out from the crowd of structures was the gleaming white E.L.F. office building, large concrete wings jutting off to the sides of it.
Sitting at her desk, Sunna lounged with an "Elf Gossip" magazine in her hand. It showed the two pop star sisters, Veronica and Kiva posing on the front cover. It read, "Two Opposing Views, Two Singing Sensations." Sunna had heard that Veronica, Docile's childhood friend, was much nicer than Kiva.
Sunna finished her bottle of Holy Water and placed it next to an open page in the Bible. The teal sigil of Uriel lit up on the page. A portal soon opened into the room, outlined in blue flames. On the other side in a city, Docile was comforting a human.
"It's okay, Jonny. Rest assured your father is here with us in Heaven. He will patiently wait for you, and he is proud of you."
Docile gave the sobbing Jonny a hug before stepping back through. Tirred waved his staff in front of the man's face, and he turned away as if he never saw them in the first place.
"Whoa, that was a lot of grievers today," Docile sighed in exhaustion.
"I'll say," Timmid yawned as she carried funeral flowers in her hand as she slouched inside the office. "I'm not sure which is more draining, mortal funerals or religious lectures!"
"Well, you better stay tired," Tirred added with a sigh of his own as he stepped through, "Because I'm going to bed."
"Don't you dare fall asleep in my office, Tirred," Docile said. "Besides, I'm taking us out to dinner tonight. Let's hit up the new diner down the street."
"Wait," Timmid suddenly called. Tirred turned around.
"We've been dating for a year now," she said, facing the others. "I know it's been rough at times, but I think we're making some progress." She grinned. "So, to celebrate, I'm taking Tirred to Camael's Corner in the Chasity Halo!"
"Camael's Corner?!" Tirred gasped, wide eyed in disbelief. "No way! That place is always booked!"
"Well, I've been planning it for a while," Timmid responded, fluffing her white hair.
"Wow, I can't believe it…" Tirred said, surprised. "How you managed to book us a spot in such an exquisite place. Thank you…"
Timmid and Tirred embraced and kissed, while Docile smiled in admiration.
"I'd love to come too and help you celebrate your holy matrimony," Docile pleasantly offered.
"Oh, please do," Timmid added before Tirred mentioned, "I'm sorry, but the reservation is just for us."
"Oh…okay, I understand," Docile said. He suddenly felt left out. "I wish I had someone to go with me…"
"Aw cheer up, Docile," Timmid said. "I'm sure next time we can get something arranged for you. You don't need to feel alone; we've got your back. And perhaps someday, you might meet someone very special too."
"Sure, it's not like your lack of interest in anything intimate has anything to do with…"
"Don't listen to him!" Timmid said to her boss, glaring at Tirred. Docile's eyes darted off to the side.
Timmid hugged Docile before they separated. "You can spend time with us beforehand, we don't mind. Right Tirred?"
Tirred rolled his eyes.
"Okay then, see you love-bugs later," Docile said as he made his way out the door.
Tirred grinned mischievously at Timmid after he left. "Why don't we head on home and…wash our sweat off." He smirked as he gently rubbed the top middle area over her breasts.
Timmid turned red in the face and grinned. "Not here," she hissed before she was led away by Tirred.
0 0 0
Later, the gang soon reached an area with white pillars and high domed ceilings with mural paintings on them. Some paintings showed cherubs flying around robed men who were riding on chariots. The classic "Finger of God" painting was framed on one wall. Light fixtures above were in the shape of golden halos, the lights illuminating the pristine white tile floors. One section of the floor was decorated with a large blue Christian Cross, another with the Star of David.
"Chariot 333 departing for Chasity in five minutes," said a voice from a loudspeaker.
The chariots, in fact, appeared more like flying metal trains. The front of the trains were built in the shape of S shaped golden horses, the body consisting of train windows and doors. Two pairs of large gold metallic wings allowed the vehicle to fly in the air. The wheels were golden and lit up in flames and eyes whenever they spun. Angels and elves hurried along down escalators and elevators to the trains.
An itinerary on the screen showed the various levels of Heaven. It read "Chariot 333: Schedule."
"Chasity" was labeled in pink with "Direct," a downward arrow and "Boarding" beside it. "Humility" was labeled in teal blue, with "Direct" and an upward arrow next to it. "Kindness" was in lavender, "Diligence" was in light green, "Temperance" was in turquoise, "Charity" was in white, and "Patience" was in golden, with "On Time" labeled next to them. (The colors also matched the sky colors in each Halo.)
Docile followed Timmid and Tirred as they sat together on a bench to wait. Tirred wore a black tux with a teal blue bowtie. Timmid had her white hair slicked back and wore a long white sparkly dress. Docile wore a more standard white tux. He got out his cell phone and pressed a call icon with him and a smiling Sunna on it. "SunnyGirl" was the label.
"Sunna here, I can't come to the phone right now. Please leave a message that's the cat's meow!"
The voicemail beeped and Docile left his message.
"Hey Sunny, just wanted to let you know I won't be back home until late. I have something important to do."
He hung up and followed the couple down an escalator to one of the chariot trains. Docile was not sure why he wanted to follow them, when he wasn't formally invited. Perhaps he wanted to keep them safe…and to see what this "dating" thing looked like.
Surely it was worth a try, right?
They all got into the train.
"The doors are closing."
Buttons on the side wall displayed the Halo levels:
Humility
Charity
Chasity
Diligence
Kindness
Temperance
Patience
With a mechanical sounding neigh, the wheels began to spin with flames and the horse-like train sped from the tunnel and out into the open air. The flapping wings kept it airborne. They traveled downward within hovering clear crystal tubes between glowing portals in the sky, the sky colors changing from sky blue to light pink to yellow. The train zipped through another tunnel down a track before skidding to a stop.
"Exit here for Chasity Halo."
The doors opened and the angels filed out. Docile followed Tirred and Timmid from the terminal. Tirred and Timmid walked by a large slow-spinning pink crystal heart structure in the middle of the station. Even if he wasn't invited, at least he'd get to see his employees off safely.
They all walked out into the outside world.
0 0 0
The Chasity Halo
The sky was a pleasing light pink, and the clouds were puffy white and shaped like hearts. The streets and buildings were immaculate, and angels wandered around in modest clothing. They wore long Victorian-style dresses in pastel colors, fancy suits, or regular modern clothes with several layers to cover up their arms, legs, and shoulders. Bi-pedal winged doves, sheep, and human-like angels with skin of every color, chatted amicably as church bells rang out their solemnizing symphonies. White flowers, songs and wedding decorations were as common as birthday parties in this realm.
Neon signs advertised churches, food, and shopping malls. Rule signs read: "No oral, no anal, no BDSM, no harm! Get married and stay sexually safe!" Another sign read, "Condoms and Contraceptives." A billboard demanded, "NO sex on the Sabbat days and NO premarital sex." More posters showed happy angels in wedding attire. Another sign on a bus warned, "Sex is a gift of God; use it wisely." Some angels wore restraints and belts over their penises and vaginas in public.
More signs in bold letters one with a white flower on it:
"Abstinence: the positive choice to not engage in sexual activity until after marriage. Shows self-dignity and respect for God's gift of sexuality. Do YOU have what it takes?"
A sign with hearts and entwined rings: "Stay true to your marriage partner; happiness will follow."
A neon sign read: "Unitive love + marriage + procreative sex = happy families, you do the math!"
A commercial on a screen flared. "Beware: sex outside marriage leads to lust and destruction! Just because STDs won't kill you in the afterlife doesn't mean you'll be spared!"
"Welp, this is why I'm asexual," Docile gulped as he looked around nervously at the signs.
He glanced around where angel children were being taught a sexual education class. They wore school uniforms and were separated by gender: bio male, bio female, male-to-female, female-to-male, intersex, robotic, and crystal.
"And this is how Christian mortals teach their children about abstinence. We've altered it a bit to accommodate the different angel species here," said a teacher with a flaming eye for a head and wearing a white robe.
"Mortals and their illusionary genders," said a crystal wheel-shaped angel, shaking their head at a kid angel with a harp head.
Before long, Docile arrived at a spectacular looming building. It was shaped like a large ruby cathedral but functioned as a dinner theater. "Camael's Corner" lit up in bold pink letters at the front of the structure. A golden cross was at the top prominent sphere of the building, along with a Star of David, the Islamic crescent moon symbol, and a Buddhist symbol also in gold. The windows were different colors of red, blue, green, and yellow stained glass; the holes shaped like large doves. The entrance was a large gold archway with a stone cherub angel at the top for the design. The two old-fashioned lantern lights on either side changed colors every ten seconds.
A long line of angels and elves waited to get in along a rope with poles. Docile caught up with Tirred and Timmid. Tirred and Timmid walked up to the bouncer elf, a thin man with dark teal skin, a long black mustache, pointed ears and a black tux with a bowtie. A metal sphere attached to the wall briefly used a laser light to shine on the heads of the visitors. It beeped and briefly turned green, but when it turned red, the specific person would be sent away. After making a "right this way" gesture to two swans, he gazed at the elves. The laser security light beeped green after landing on Timmid's forehead. But when it came to Tirred, it flared an angry red. As they moved forward, the bouncer yanked Tirred back by the ear.
"Hey!" he spat.
The bouncer, Neter, let go. His eyes narrowed. "I've heard of you before."
"So?" Tirred scoffed. "Me and my girlfriend have a reservation."
"So, this club is for those of pure hearts and thoughts only."
"Are you saying I'm not pure?!"
"Well judging on how you took part in almost putting Earth into chaos, there's no good reason why someone like you should be allowed to come in. The cognitive camera proved it."
"I was bucking brainwashed!" Tirred fired back. "And your mind-reading devices are both invasive and a load of bull-spit!"
"Rules are rules," he stated in an Enochian accent. "In order to provide the best experience for our customers at this exclusive joint, and to help promote closeness to the Lord, impure intentions are left at the door."
"But anyone can have dirty thoughts at any time," Tirred argued, crossing his arms. "Even in Heaven. How can you expect not only our behaviors, but our minds to be perfect 100% of the time?!"
"I don't expect it. God does. End of story."
The bouncer mentioned to a nearby sign that read, "Treat others the way you want to be treated…but ensue your thoughts are superior to those of the weak."
Timmid stared in concern and suspicion. Like the other sign she saw several weeks ago: "Surround yourself with people who will lift you up…But ditch your friends you cannot use," it sounded like the second part was added onto the much older, genuine rule.
"Not if they don't make any sense! You just made that up!" Tirred fumed.
Neter growled and a white-hot aura slowly rose from him. "I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, Tirred. Timmid, you may head on in."
"Hold the throne," Docile pushed the other elves aside, much to their surprise. He marched up to the bouncer. "I thought this club was for couples only."
"Anyone pure of thought and action who has a reservation may enter," the bouncer said. The camera beeped green on Docile's head… "…And that means you too if you wish, for a fee. Just don't get any ideas."
"I'm not leaving!" Tirred seethed, getting ready to fight. But before Tirred was about to be punched into the street, Docile intervened.
"It's okay, guys," he said. "How about I take Timmid in and we'll get Tirred something to go?"
Docile reached into his pocket and paid an extra fee, as he did not make a reservation.
"Seriously, sir?" Tirred growled as Timmid brightened.
"Oh, thank you, Docile!" she smiled. She put a hand on Tirred's shoulder. "It'll only be for a few moments, Tir. I'll be back soon, and we can do something together afterwards."
"It was your idea in the first place," Tirred explained, "And now you're willing to change your mind just like that?"
"Well…I wanted to visit this place for a while now…it was expensive, too. Please, Tir, it'll only be for a little bit."
"Fine!"
"That's the spirit, Tirred!" Docile whooped, not noticing his cell phone falling from his pocket. "Let's go, Timmid."
Tirred picked up the cell phone as Docile and Timmid entered the building. Tirred stared at the glaring bouncer blocking his way, slightly nervous.
"I have more questions for an ass like you…but I'll shave them for later." Tirred twirled the bouncer's mustache roughly with a finger.
Whack!
A hard punch from the bouncer sent Tirred flying into a nearby dumpster. He lifted the lid and got out, falling onto the ground.
"You pucking frude!" he stuttered nonsensically. He sighed and leaned against a brick wall, staring at the glaringly bright golden sky. He then looked down at Docile's phone.
Why was it that his boss got everything he wanted? A lead position, admiration from Timmid, special powers and now Docile had taken his place with Timmid. He was getting fed up with being second. The phone had not switched to the lock screen yet, so Tirred pressed a call icon. He was going to call Docile to let him know he found his phone.
But as he scrolled through the contact lists, he got an even better idea. His finger hovered over an icon of Samael, labeled, "Venom Alpha-PleaseDon'tHurtMeAgain."
A mischievous grin spread across Tirred's face.
0 0 0
Meanwhile in his golden splendid palace, Samael hummed happily as he watched TV on a red snakeskin leather couch in the living room. He popped "Heavenly Hal-Os" cereal into his mouth, wings folded behind him. "Heaven-G" network was labeled on the TV. He scrolled through God-flix, YHWH +, Prime Nine, and Divine Times. The show that appeared was a comedic re-telling of the Heaven-Hell War between Lucifer and Michael and the fallen angels. "Inferno Paradise" was the title in bold fiery orange against white. A mighty red dragon was breathing fire at a spinning crystal wheel and a golden chariot robotic figure.
"For Heaven's and Hell's sake, just kiss already!" the commentator joked as the blonde pale-faced Michael and Lucifer glared at each other and leaned into each other's faces. Samael snickered out loud.
"Looks like paradise got lost for Lucifer," the commentator announced as Lucifer fell in anger, "But then again, Lucifer claims it's better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven. Had a little too much Cloud Nine Wine, huh, Lucy?"
Samael barked into laughter. "Never gets old! If only I could have some beers with you, old friend," he mentioned.
The commentator continued. "Hmm…what if Lucifer was the one who ate the apple? Would he gain the knowledge of good and evil…or is he the knowledge itself? Would the effects blow his mind, or would it just be an ordinary apple? I'm surprised that Adam made it through without choking, he must've had a big Adam's apple!"
Just then, the skull-speaker shaped rotary phone rang. The rings sounded like the screaming of a thousand souls. In red smoke above it, the label read, "Docy is calling."
Samael eagerly reached for the phone. "Hello? Docy?"
"Um…Lord Samael, yes?"
"Who is this? You don't sound like my long distant servant."
"You're only talking to the second-in-command of the most well-known, influential blessing company in Heaven, my Lord!" Tirred bragged.
"Only second-in-command? How disappointing."
Tirred seethed on the other end.
Samael pondered. "So, if you're here, where is Docile? How did you get this number anyway?"
"Docile entrusted me with his phone when he decided to go out to dinner with my girlfriend!" Tirred randomly fibbed.
"Ooh, a stealer, eh?" Samael grinned. "You must've pissed your gf off for her to go that route! Hahaha!"
"It's not like…um…" Tirred began. But a sharp-toothed grin appeared. "I mean, yes, Docile's been getting into a lot of trouble, lately."
"Hmm…as I suspected," Samael mentioned.
"Yes. It was his idea in the first place to have us go up to Earth. And for us to not fully stick to our reviving and blessing. He decided to help three dimwitted sheep from the other Heaven and travel to Earth! We even saw demons there too! Put us all in danger!"
"Indeed," Samael chuckled. "It was pretty entertaining seeing you all zombie-like under Kiva's control."
Tirred fumed but sighed. "Look, sir, Docile…secretly loves it when you punish him."
Samael looked taken aback. "He does?"
"Of course! Why do you think he keeps getting himself into trouble? Because he knows that he'll always sin, and therefore comes back to you." He hid a snicker. "You know what they say…suffering brings one closer to the divine."
Samael's eyes glowed red with passion. "Bloody bells! He really must've been a good actor when he did all that wailing and crying. I'm not sure whether to tone things down or turn them up a notch."
"Whatever you think works, sir. Just don't kill him, of course."
"Of course not. Life can get boring and lonesome without your incredibly passive leader. Hohohohoho!"
"Anyway," Tirred interrupted, walking down the street, "Can you make it to Chasity? If you can help get me into Camael's Corner, you'll get to see Docile again."
"I can make it there in twenty," Samael said, waving his fingers and making an elegant red suit appear over his bare chest. His hair was short and blonde, glowing like it was on fire. "Or better yet…"
A portal appeared behind Tirred and then closed. Tirred bumped into someone behind him and looked up to see Samael's crazed face looking down at him…
"…NOW!"
Tirred jumped back in fear, almost dropping the phone. He caught it. "O-okay, sir, see you soon," he hung up before staring at the towering archangel in front of him.
"I get to see Docile…" Samael mentioned, walking silently toward Tirred like a night creature. "You keep my number a secret, makes sure the Bible stays in Docile's and my hands, and…"
Samael snuck behind him, a clawed hand inches from his pointed ears. "…you experience a night of…passionate punishments for your actions…"
Tirred blushed despite himself, and his eyes grew dilated at Samael's hungry ones. "Thy will be done, Lord Samael."
Soon enough, the two of them reached Camael's Corner. The bouncer spotted Tirred.
"You again? Beat it, punk…"
Samael cleared his throat. "Ahem…do we have a problem?"
The camera beeped red on Samael's forehead, but one glowing glare from Samael's eyes made the camera spark and deactivate. The bouncer trembled at the sight of the archangel.
"Oh…uh…my apologies, Lord Samael. P-please come in…"
Tirred smiled in triumph at the glaring bouncer as he and Samael walked hand in hand inside.
"Oh my!" Samael exclaimed as he and Tirred looked around. "This place is absolutely hideous!"
Calming red, pink, and white lights filled the vast space as angels sat down at round, white-clothed tables to eat. Pink lotus lights turned small sections of the wall pink, while magenta lights brightened the place further. Small dove wings on either side of a triangle with a heart in the middle were the small symbols that made up the wallpaper. Bookshelves and books were off to the side where more angels sat and waited. An older angel with a blue book head was reading another blue book that looked just like his face.
"So…this must be what they call 'Facebook,'" he remarked.
The light fixtures were shaped like halos and cherub angels flew around, serving clams, cheese, o d'oeuvres, and fish eggs on platters. Posing on raised platforms were angels in exquisite costumes from many different time periods. One wore a dress from the Middle Ages, another wore a 20th century suit, and a few others wore Egyptian, Greek, and Roman garb. There were also angels dressed as warriors.
A symphony orchestra played violins, a grand piano, trumpets, lyres, a portative organ, sistrums, and several harps near a stage, the angels in various shapes and sizes.
By the golden stage shaped like a cross, were white-clothed tables spread out. Tirred and Samael sat at one, in blue chairs decorated with designs of flames on the back. A blue candle in a fancy holder was at the center of the table.
"Ah," Samael said, looking over at Timmid and Docile sitting together. "There they are!"
Docile and Timmid glanced over and gasped.
"Tirred?!" Docile exclaimed. "How did you get in? And what's he doing here?" Docile flinched back.
"Just making sure you elves aren't getting into more trouble than you already have," Samael mentioned. "Tirred here was generous enough to invite me over for the fun!" Tirred grinned at Docile's shocked look. It felt good to be sitting in the presence of one of his long-time role models.
Samael examined a golden knife in his hands, making Cardinal, the elf waiter, uneasy.
"C-can I, erm, get you two off…"
The elf promptly vanished to the outside world and another squat elf hurried to take his place.
"Off with something to drink or eat?"
Tirred and Samael raised their eyebrows. Docile looked over at Timmid. "Well, this is unexpected."
They looked at the various options on the menu: "Luscious Lobster," "Jesus Bread and Wine", "100 CE Cloud Nine Wine (Non-alcoholic)", "Iced Holy Water", "Garden of Eden Salad," "Sun-Infused Oranges," "Pharaoh's Platter," "YHWH Yam," "Lotus Juice," "Holy Cow," "Green Sensu Beans," "Apple Pie of Life," "Summer Cornucopia," "Boar Head with Fried Snails and Duck," "Angel Hair Pasta," "Angel Food Cake…"
"These all cost a lot of spirits," Timmid whispered to Docile, who also looked in concern. She watched as another angel ordered the "Crystal Concoction," a blue and light purple sparkly Atlantis drink that temporarily made one knowledgeable, spiritual, and inventive. "It's no wonder many celebrities come here to eat."
Meanwhile, Azrael and Flora were talking to each other at another table.
"I hope our Quartet is doing alright," Azrael said with a hint of worry. "Are you sure it was a good idea?"
"She's grown up now," Flora reassured. "It's about time we let her visit Menadel and talk things over. They're probably chatting right now."
"But she hasn't even seen him since…"
"I know. But I think he still cares deeply for us…and for her. He didn't really have a choice."
"And now he's suddenly allowed to stop working and see her?" Azrael narrowed his eyes.
"Pretty much," replied Flora. "Don't get mad, but I talked to him for a while when he was on break. He's watched Quartet grow up every night from his enchanted orb. Besides, when I saw him recently…I heard he's prepared to press matters forward more than before."
Azrael did not like the sound of that. Although both were busy beings, there was something he couldn't quite put his feathers on about Menadel.
But if it made her happy…
Flora put her hand into his and squeezed it in comfort. "She'll be fine. If any argument breaks out, we have some extra wine at the house."
"You trust your ex-husband too much."
"He's still a part of me…or was a part of my life at least."
Docile was just about to ask Tirred what the heaven was going on, when the lights dimmed, and a voice spoke out to greet the audience.
0 0 0
Camael
"Ladies and gentlemen! I see some holy faces around here today!"
Coming from behind the curtains was a female elf with long blonde-white hair with a teal face and blue eyes. She wore a dazzling pink dress with a shimmer of rubies decorating the bottom part of her dress. Her heels were made of silver diamonds and her halo glowed white. She was Holly Wata, Docile's sister.
Docile groaned and rolled his eyes, hiding his face behind a menu. "Oh no, not her."
"Welcome, welcome, welcome to Camael's Corner, Chasity Halo's number one place for marriages, vows, and a wide array of pure clean performances! Staged every week for all you disciples of the Father!"
She walked down the golden cross stage, with Camael's sigil at in the center. His sigil had Mars signs on it.
"The gem joint of Camael himself! C'mon, give him some love!"
She held her hands in a heart shape as the audience clapped and cheered.
"Did she just say…Camael?" Timmid asked.
Tirred rolled his eyes, "Oh no! Not him!" Timmid shuddered in fear and Docile, too, looked slightly concerned.
Holly Wata continued.
"I am Holly Wata, formerly a member of the choir of elf siblings. We have a great line-up for you here today: Veronica and Kiva!"
By the bar where Sully Serious was handing out drinks, Veronica happily took a martini from him, while Kiva posed for pictures while glaring at Veronica. The drinks up on the shelves were behind a pink heart-shaped glass barrier.
"The I Doers!"
Several elves dressed up in wedding costumes smiled at each other and posed.
"The Purifiers and the Virginal Vestas!"
Several lady angels wearing nun robes juggled fireballs in their hands.
Holly Wata took several deep breaths and gulps of water before continuing. "But as everyone's warming up, did any of you hear about the profits and the complimentary reviews that happened recently at Woo-Hoo Land?"
The audience cheered.
"Oh yeah! I'm sure you all are unanimous angel advocates regarding that topic! I'll tell you what: I'd sure love to shake the hand of my good brother and his group of employees. He even brought Azrael and his princess along. Our numbers and funds rose that day thanks to them. Surely everyone here has heard of E.L.F. and Docile, right?"
Crickets chirping.
"Who's that non-canon OC?" asked a drunk elf.
Holly Wata glared. "Docile, my brother, you drunken oblivious brother-sucker! Get the heaven out of here!"
The elf vanished outside to the back of the line. After looking around, he promptly texted his friend: "Lasted 10 minutes longer in there that time!"
Holly Wata continued. "Those elves saved more human lives and got us more attention than that one festival in Woo-Hoo World! There's no place to make your dreams come true than that Disney inspired park. Hahahaha!"
"I don't know what you mean," said a random patron. "The one in hell sounds much more exciting!"
Holly Wata spoke into the microphone, "Okay, keep that guy far away from me!"
She turned back to the audience.
"So, without wasting any more time, our little opening act is a fresh one. Coming at us from a little elf from the Patience Halo, give it up for Timmid…with one very strange name indeed."
The audience clapped as Timmid got up onto the stage with her white swan-shaped guitar. She blew Tirred a kiss and he smiled.
"H-hello everyone," she began as feedback emitted from the microphone. "Oh!" She cleared her throat. "Hi, thank you for letting me be here. It's an honor to play. This song is for my boyfriend Tirred, a surprise for our first anniversary. I love you Tirred."
She strummed the strings and began to sing.
"I love you"
"More than the bishop loves the church"
"More than the dove loves the Holy Spirit"
"More than Mica loves his El"
"Yeah, you make me blessed to live in Heaven"
"Our love is a sweet story times…seven?"
"And you're more complex and confusing than that guy named Devin…"
"Hey!" Tirred and Devin the random elf yelled from nearby.
"Our love is a tight glove…you emit divine godly…"
Timmid coughed loudly as pink smoke with hearts in them spread over the stage. "Spit, spit! I can't see anything!"
The smoke cleared and Tirred sat with his arms folded, eyes bored.
Timmid waved her hand. "O-Oh I'm sorry! I did horrible, didn't I? Here, let me start over…"
Tirred whispered something to Devin, who grew intrigued.
"I hope we never grow apart at the start…" she began. Timmid looked over and saw Devin whisper something to another angel. Devin had been talking to Tirred and whispers floated and buzzed around the room.
"W-what's going on?" Timmid asked.
"Samael sleeps with an elf?!" Sully Serious asked, pointing in disbelief as more people gasped. The messages spread like wildfire.
"Wait…Docile gets turned on…by suffering and sex?!"
"That can't be right. He's one of the greatest healers in Heaven!"
"He and his gang are nothing but common troublemakers," chided an elderly owl. "Makes sense they'd grovel to royalty and do anything for that extra dollar."
"I knew they were never non-profit!" exclaimed another angel.
Spotlights shone onto Samael and Docile, both flinching from embarrassment.
Kiva walked on stage and witnessed Docile cowering under the spotlight. "I always knew you were a sinning fool," the cherub sneered.
"How the buck did you escape from Earth?!" Docile asked between tears when he saw her.
"I have my ways." She did a sway of her hips as fans took pictures and surrounded her. Veronica looked at Docile with pity and sadness but was carried away by an adoring crowd. Holly Wata glared at Kiva.
"Maybe Tirred should be the new leader," said a young kid after hearing his parents continue the rumor they heard.
Tirred sat with a smug, pleased look on his face.
"What is the meaning of this?" Samael glared at Tirred.
"Um…" Tirred began, backing up, clearly not expecting the attention to be thrust back onto himself. "Just wanted to update you on how…naughty my boss has been…"
Timmid dropped her guitar and raced over toward Docile, whose eyes already teared up. She gave him a comforting hug. "It's alright, sir…"
"Never in a million suns have I ever felt pleasure from being punished by that arrogant creep!" He sobbed in pain and embarrassment. "I had to get that specific Bible from him because it was one of the few that had the spell to access Earth. Without it…our b-business…"
Timmid leaned in some more, staring at Docile with empathetic eyes. "You're doing all you can to keep E.L.F. going; it may have been unconventional, but you had no choice. It'll be okay."
Timmid then stood up and saw her boyfriend.
"Wha-you did this?" Tears filled her eyes. "You spread the rumors? Why?!"
"Why not?" Tirred asked. "He always gets in the way of our time together. All he talks about is God and missions and how much he loves hot coffee! We never get any real work done like the Exorcists do. While we go around playing doctor, hundreds of sinners roam around plotting to bring down all that is good!"
Several angels muttered amongst themselves at their tables.
"Docile was put in charge for a reason, Tirred," Timmid stated, now angry with hands on her hips. "He's done nothing but benefit E.L.F. and our Heaven. What could you possibly have against him? Or any authority figure for that matter? You cannot always get what you want!"
"But both of us should! It's Heaven for goodness sake!"
"Why'd you join E.L.F. in the first place then?" Timmid tilted her head.
"Because I fell in love with you," Tirred admitted. "I needed to survive and get an actual job and not recklessly spend all the money I had and go broke. And I did want to help mortals and angels, too. But now we need to take things a step further. We have to show the worlds how capable we elves actually are!"
"We do that just fine already! There's no need to hurt your colleagues in the process!" Timmid spat.
"Ditch your friends you cannot use," Tirred muttered.
Timmid crossed her arms and huffed. "How bucking stupid are you to believe that God would actually relay those pseudo-messages to all of us?"
Tirred could not answer that.
Just then…
"Who dares spread discordance in my lounge of love?" asked an ethereal voice from behind them.
"Camael's Corner is not the place for sorrows below and above," Holly Wata added, as she got on stage with the winged figure.
A hand from the tall figure revealed a leather Bible with a golden cross on it. "What else do you expect from the proprietors of this city?" sang the figure.
Holly Wata's eyes glowed teal in the dimmed light as she sang, spreading out her arms. "Your angel host, Camael, the embodiment of Cha-a-a-a-sity!"
Camael stepped into the light, wearing a dark pink and red suit, his skin a pale white. His face was white as well, appearing to be immersed within harmless light pink flames. An elegant pink halo with a crystal in the center hovered above his head, just under a small dark pink top hat, and his wings were large and almost translucent. Embedded in his wings were golden eyes and on the collar of his suit were a few red gems, glinting like hardened lava. His hair appeared short and dark brown, and his yellow eyes gave off an alien glow. His pants were black, and his shoes were dark and shiny. In his right hand was a Bible and in his left hand was a golden scepter with a shining light pink heart at the top. Strangely enough, golden wedding rings with diamonds served as his earrings. A few dove feathers branched off from his hat and collar.
The music began and Timmid and Tirred looked at them nervously.
"In the House of Cha-a-a-a-sity!" harmonized Holly Wata. "We don't accept situations that aren't pretty!"
"Love, marriage and the baby carriage…it's the ideal, dear…we gotta help make it real here," Camael added, gracefully flying from pole to pole as angelic dragons breathed fireworks from their mouths. His sigil glowed pink on the ground. "To ease the fear, immoral sex and hate have no place here."
Camael smiled at Azrael and Flora holding hands. "A relationship built on trust and love, not carnality. Now that's the spirit of cha-a-a-asity!"
"Show devotion…it's our notion!" Kiva added with a smug look at Docile who shrank back under the light. The backup singers repeated "Notion, notion!" Fans took pictures of her as she swooped and danced on stage. She pointed gleefully at Docile and his crew, her black dress and heels shining. "Apparently, Docile couldn't handle duty and commotion!" ("Commotion! Commotion!") A gullible fool, running a business that's uncool. And his workers argue and fight; now that's just cruel!"
"Please don't say bad things about my brother," Holly Wata began, but Kiva cut him off.
"Like that jester imp, you're a means to a greater end," reminded Kiva as Holly Wata looked uneasy. "Don't pretend," harmonized Kiva's cherub backup singers who spun around and surrounded Holly Wata. She flinched from Kiva as she put a firm hand on her shoulder. "Remember who you defend. The one whose time you must wisely spend."
"For your fame and freedom, you helped seal the deal," Camael added in a low whisper. "Now's the time to embrace your glamor and appeal!"
Holly Wata looked apologetically at a confused Docile before turning to Camael and dancing with him once more.
"And you, Samael," Camael called in song. "Are you not well, brother? Why are you so concerned with temptations from Hell?"
Samael looked nervous and out of place.
"Wanting to punish evil is one thing…but to give into desires with a private fling? What did you do? Is it true, is it true?"
Samael, red in the face, refused to answer.
"He will keep an eye on youuuu," Camael warned the archangel. "Do not initiate your departure from Heaven's bluuuue."
The two of them danced as more fireworks shot out from trumpet-shaped dispensers. They sang their duet.
"Issues of divorce are not part of our course!"
"Loyalty and faith make us giddy…"
"Purity and love remain in this city…"
"Cleansing the gritty, embracing all that's good and pretty…"
"Be who you are meant to be…"
"In the House of Cha-a-a-a-a-s…"
Wham!
Tirred wacked Holly Wata in the head with the swan guitar.
"Hey!" Camael protested.
Tirred smiled and handed Timmid her guitar. "I think you were trying to sing something for me, Timmi," he said. Both elves were on stage.
Timmid brushed away tears and took the guitar. She let out shaking breaths then gave Tirred an unsuspecting hard glare. "I think I was."
But instead of finishing her love song, she strummed the strings rapidly, stress emanating from her body.
"I hate this!" she yelled abruptly, making Tirred and the audience gasp in surprise and unease. Camael tended to Holly Wata, waking her up with a wave of his hand.
"Why are things the way they are? Love ain't always pretty…it can leave many a scar…I hope I don't ruin this guitar!"
She leaned angrily into Tirred's face, dodging his angry hand swipes at the guitar. Timmid sang loud and off-key. Some audience members covered their ears.
"You take things for granted, it's like you're always disenchanted…"
"Always stuck in your pride, chasing the greener side…"
"Shut up!" yelled Tirred in song, fists clenched. "That's not true…"
"All these years, I've supported you. I'm surprised Heaven hasn't deported you! What satisfaction can you possibly gain…from seeing your inferiors in pain?"
"Oh, I think it's starting to rain…" Tirred added as thunder shook the building and lightning flashed outside.
"We're not even married yet…have you no regret?!"
"Some things, I have to forget…"
Tirred briefly lowered his head.
"Forget? What can you get?"
Tirred continued. "Those at the top survive. How else can we thrive? You make me feel alive. Oh Timmid, please…stay. Stay with me today. I'll take all my errors and pain away."
"Making the same mistakes again and again. Will it ever end? Can you really prove…that you're my friend?"
Angry tears started to spill from Tirred's eyes. "You've missed the chance for us to ascend…Don't try to pretend…that you accept all these norms."
They both sang a discordant duet on stage, glaring at each other as a platform they were on rose into the air.
"Our thoughts are the ominous flashes of storms…"
"What if we were not meant to last forever? A separation instead of us together? Time flies, time flies, your words are lies, are lies, are lies!"
"There's only one thing that we know will be truuueee…"
A long dreadful pause.
"I'll miss you," they finished softly.
They sat on the small podium, backs against the pole, legs dangling down. They loosely held hands and turned away from each other as tears streaked down their dark teal faces. The lights around them were a dim sad blue.
"I'll miss you…"
The crowd muttered and booed lowly as the two elves jumped from the podium and walked wordlessly toward Docile. When they did notice each other, anger returned. Docile stood still in shock. Several audience members hugged each other tightly at their tables as if afraid their partners would leave them.
Camael took another look at the fuming Tirred, Timmid and the concerned Docile and Samael.
Kiva with her hands on her hips grinned smugly at E.L.F. beside Camael and Holly Wata on stage. The look in her eyes sent a clear sinister message: "I'll help decide who gets to be in paradise…and who will lose everything they love!"
Camael glared at them while Holly Wata sadly shook her head. Camael responded, "What an absolutely pitiful display. It sickens me. Get out!"
All of them vanished to the outside of the club.
0 0 0
Outside Camael's Corner, Timmid and Tirred stood, arms folded, hardly facing each other. They stood, downcast as rain fell from the dark pink night sky.
"Timmid, I'm sor…"
Timmid held up a hand. "I've heard enough, I've seen enough. If punishing wrongdoers, upstaging your boss, and indulging in selfish greed is all you care about, then I want nothing to do with you!"
"But you're the only one I care about! You…"
"No! You don't understand half of what goes on around you. You're too focused on yourself and half the time, you don't give a flying feather about what I have to say."
"Your words are nonsense!" Tirred scoffed but paused when Timmid gave him a look.
"I love and care for you more than you'll ever know," Tirred begged. He stepped forward, but Timmid pushed him away.
"You keep apologizing but as far as I'm concerned, you don't truly make any effort to learn from your mistakes. You know what they say here in Chasity…" She emphasized: "…be faithful to the ones you love!"
"Who cares about this spit-hole of a place?! We're from Patience, remember? Just…be patient with me, please…"
"I've been patient with you for a long time, Tirred." She wiped stray tears away and her voice cracked. "I just think…we need a break from each other."
"A break? How long?"
"However long it takes."
"Ten seconds, okay then," he joked bluntly.
"Just leave me alone for a while, okay! You ruined our…my special night!"
"Your special night?!" Tirred breathed. "It was gonna be our special night. But you decided to play along with Docile and everyone else because you're too scared."
"Scared of what?" she asked.
"Everything! You can't truly stand up for me or yourself to save your life. You just want to be subservient to every rule you come across. Questioning things is not enough…you have to go out and take action!"
"I certainly am not scared by my former selfish, blood-thirsty, pompous brute boyfriend! And at least I don't actively get myself into trouble by being mean and a careless rebel like some people I know!"
"You're an utter wimp! Just look at your name!"
Both elves growled at each other, wings extended, halos throbbing with anger.
"Former, selfish…"
"Former?!" Tirred's eyes widened, veins popping out. "Don't you dare break up with me, snitch!"
"I just did, you no-good, booger-faced, wannabe sinner!"
"Aaargh! Take that back, baby b*itch!"
"Right back at ya, arrogant a**hole! Take this!"
"No swearing allowed!" Docile bellowed as Tirred and Timmid began a short fight.
Docile gently took Timmid's arm and pushed Tirred away from her. "Come on, Tim. Let's get out of here."
Timmid took some deep breaths and sobbed. She let herself be led by Docile down the street as rain poured down from the clouds.
"Goodbye, Tirred," she spoke somberly, briefly looking back with sad eyes. "I'll…not talk to you at work…"
"Last chance, Tirred…you're almost fired!" Docile called, also briefly looking back.
Tirred reached out a hand to Timmid, but the damage was done. He was now single, heart-broken, and alone.
Just before Samael left, he glanced over to the side at Tirred, eyes flaming. "Talking about your leader behind his back for attention…that's low even for elves like you," he remarked. Every word stung Tirred's heart. "Now I'll have to smother those nasty rumors you spread before I lose my reputation. Although I'm a punisher, if they suspect I was involved with common elves…"
Samael spoke again, "Just so you know, Docile's motivation, skill and kindness is what makes him a qualified leader at your little company. He's passive enough to not cross any serious lines. I'll admit, I was hoping for some torturing fun from someone new…"
He snapped his fingers and a glowing red portal appeared.
"But now that I think about it…not even I would want to punish some worthless, lying bigot like you!"
On his knees in the rain, Tirred held his head in his hands as Samael vanished and the portal closed.
0 0 0
Docile glumly made his way back to his emerald and sapphire walled house. He flicked on the light and walked inside. On the wall were pictures of Docile, Tirred, Timmid and Sunna smiling at the office. Pictures of doves, trumpets, and crystals were scattered around. An unusual feature about the pictures was the fact that Docile had scribbled himself out of them in black pen. Perhaps it was a leftover insecurity brought by his father.
Docile walked over to Sunna's white bedroom door, which had drawings of cat prints, mice and flowers taped onto it. Docile took a note from the door that read:
"Hi dad, I'm at a party with Portal, be back soon!"
"Oh no," Docile thought. "She doesn't know what Portal tried to do to us…"
Concerned with his daughter's safety and feeling defeated, Docile slumped onto a nearby couch. Docile picked up his phone and tapped the Christian Cross blue unlock icon. On his phone were apps for a Heaven Instagram, a TV app, 3 unread texts and emails, MichaelSecurity, Metatron-ics, Gabriel-To-Go, Raphael-Care, Uriel-Meditation, KNDNES, a Camael heart logo and a fancy sword icon for Michael.
Docile tapped onto the photo icon and began to scroll. The first picture showed Docile tending to his lashes on his back. He swiped to the left and it showed Docile, Tirred and Timmid drinking bubble tea. The third picture showed Timmid beaming and Tirred with a blank expression as a smiling Docile held out two E.L.F. labels in his hands. It was the day that Timmid and Tirred had joined E.L.F.
The fourth picture showed Sunna in a blue sweater happily hugging Docile tightly as he held an adoption certificate in his hands. In the fifth picture, Docile was in a black tuxedo posing with Veronica who wore a sparkly gray dress with hearts on it. This was back when they were good friends together, before her sister Kiva got carried away by fame, before Veronica became famous and before Docile went to work as an Exorcist.
Docile berated himself for not staying connected with Veronica more often. Sure, she was busy living in the limelight, but unlike Kiva, she showed appreciation for Docile as he was. But Docile naively thought he was doing a good service by becoming an Exorcist. Plus, he also believed at first that Kiva would be good to work with, since she knew Veronica so well. It wasn't long before time and distance separated them.
The sixth picture seemed like it was from a different time period altogether. It showed a teenage Docile with braces on his sharp white teeth posing with his sister Holly Wata who was in fact, an elf with a dark teal face and the same white heart-shaped birthmark on his forehead that Docile had but with thick long white hair. She had his arm around Docile and wore a white shirt with a gold "G" on it and a white outstretched hand, referencing Gabriel. Docile wore a white shirt that read "Gabriel" on it in gold. Interestingly, Docile's black mark on the side of his face was gone.
The seventh picture showed Docile and Holly Wata in choir robes holding plastic candles as happy little kids. Back then, Docile and Holly Wata sang in choir together and he also performed at Woo-Hoo Land with Rizzafolli the cyborg. After a terrible tragedy involving knocked over candles at a church, both elves were healed but Docile was left with a black burn scar on his face. Holly Wata was lucky. After Holly Wata outshined Docile and wanted to be closer to Camael, she decided to help him with his work, even going to Earth on occasion to spread the Good News with the help of pink magic Camael-Crystals. Before long, Holly Wata became a sensation. Although she tried seeing Docile as much as possible, Docile wanted to avoid her and her preaching.
Docile's eyes went wide as he swiped to the eighth picture. There he was as a kid, next to his dark, teal-faced twin sister Holly Wata. Both were smiling as they held a card that read a misspelled "Happy Berth Moma." Standing behind him was an elf with a kind dark teal face and long white hair that had gray and dark streaks in a few spots. It was Docile's mother, Allita. Docile wore her necklace every day to bring him comfort. They all had the same white birthmark on their foreheads. Docile glanced over to an old newspaper clipping in a dark corner of the wall that showed a section under "Obituaries and Executions." Next to a date was a black and white picture of Docile's mother, her halo broken. Red devil horns were drawn around her head in red pencil.
Tears spilled from Docile's eyes, and he sobbed into a pillow on the couch.