Fun fact: this is all typed on a phone.

Chapter 6: whatever, who fucking reads this anyways.

Peter walked around the main street, bustling with citizens and shinobi alike. Ramen shops littered the streets along with armories and grocery stores , people talking about their latest mission in a hush-hush manner, kids running around waving shurikens.

This was not his environment at all.

He was about to burst into a feral scream when Lois pointed to a ramen place. "Ooooo Peter!" she exclaimed. "Let's go there! It smells so good!"

"Yeah, yeah," he said nervously. Small beads of sweat trickled down his face as Lois dragged him into the sat down on a rickety chair as Lois gandered at the local ramen shop's menu, trying her best to pronounce the names of the items. His eyes were almost wild with anxiety. Breath, Peter…..just breathe. You're not in Quahog, true. But we can try and acclimate ourselves. Shouldn't be too hard….

"Peter!"

He jumped. "Ah! Uh, y-yes, Lois?"

"I've been calling your name for a minute! Which one sounds good, pork or beef?"

"Uh, I'd say beef."

"Really? Their pork is delicious."

A stranger appeared out of the curtain of the shop and sat at the booth. His beard was so straight, it almost looked like it was pointed to the ground. His hair was done up in a ponytail of sorts, hair at the end of it sticking out in points like he had been electrocuted. The man looked at Peter with a small smile. "Go ahead, I'll get you a bowl."

Peter, confused, decided to sit next to the man with Lois on his other side. "Gee, this place is, uh….."

"A confusing amalgamation of Asian influences and European steampunk?"

"...I was gonna say 'weird' to make it simple, but that works, too."

"I'm just as confused as you are. Name's Shikamaru. Nara Shikamaru."

"Peter. Griffen Peter."

"No."

"Ok."

"'Peter Griffen is fine. Anyways, welcome to the village. I'm sure our lovely Hokage showed you some excellent hospitality on the way here."

"Yeah….hospitality…."

"It's a lot to take in, for sure. When Naruto started doing this whole thing, it was a shitshow. A small portion came and went with a 2% of that small portion staking their claim here. Then that 2% became 16% than 32% than 64%. Currently, we're at a 78.493283% rate of interdimensional immigrants over the rest of the native population. That's a lot of confused characters and a lot of unchecked power balances. So do your best to be on everyone's good side."

Peter gulped, taking in every letter this man had said to him. He noticed Shikamaru never looked up from his ramen bowl when he spoke to him. Talk about determination. Peter picked up his chopsticks and proceeded to eat the ramen. Each hint of flavor hit Peter's tongue like a freight train, splashing his taste buds with sparks of spice and sauce. The noodle was slightly crisp but it was that little hit of garlic that really did it. A single tear slid down Peter's cheek as his mouth quivered. "W-w-w-wh-wh-who….who is responsible….for making such…..a delicious meal?"

"Yo."

A man was standing behind the counter wearing a paper hat and a wide smile. His eyes never seemed to open up as he looked at Peter (making Peter wonder if he smoked some really strong weed) but his beaming face of elation told him that this man was responsible for punching his taste buds out.

"Nice bowl as usual, Teuchi." Shikamaru commented. "I can see why the Hokage loves you dearly!"

The chef lets out a hearty laugh. "Oh, come now!" He says. "It's nothing special!"

"Well, tell that to this gentleman." Shikamaru jabbed a thumb towards Peter, who is still recovering from the first bite. "Looks like you got yourself another addict."

"Worse, I need to get more pockets!" Teuchi laughed again at his joke.

Workshopping your material at work isn't a good look, Shikamaru and Peter thought to themselves.

Teuchi stood there, proud of his work. "So, whaddya think?" he asked, face still gleaming.

Peter was never one to really mince words nor was he one to lie outright (depending on what kind of mood he was in. And let me tell you, that's a lot of moods). So, he looked up from the bowl with a small sniffle and let out in an almost-choking tone, "This…is the most delicious bowl of soup I have ever ingested! The stuff they have back in Quaghog is piss compared to this! Then again, I have had piss soup before…wasn't a pleasant meal, that one."

Shikamaru opened his mouth to counter his statement but he decided to stuff it with noodles instead for the simple fact that Peter wasn't technically wrong.

Teuchi patted Peter on the back hard enough to almost make him choke. "Well, my boy-"

"I'm near my 50s-"

"I'm glad to hear it! Many an IP come across the cosmos just to get a lick of this stuff. You should be proud to let your taste buds be in the presence of such a godly meal!"

Peter's confused eyes prompted Shikamaru to be the unfortunate voice of exposition. "Intellectual Properties, Interdeminsional Persons/People or IP for short."

"Ah."

"How is it possible?" Lois asked, finishing her bowl. "Don't tell me you guys have some drug that makes you travel through space!"

Shikamaru let out a very dry laugh. "Yeeeaaahhh, no. No, those guys caused nothing but trouble for us 15 years back…." His eyes wandered to the floor and began muttering to himself, "...first, it was the worms…then his son…..his son became a worm….I don't know how you…."

Lois' curious expression turned into an expression of worry and concern. "Sh…Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru's eyes pointed back up towards the woman and chuckled. "My bad. Franchises can be weird as fuck, excuse my language." He cleared his throat. "Look, all things aside, you should walk around town. Get to know the locals. This is every nerd's wet dream after all: to be in a realm full of wacky denizens, powerful gods, and all-right crazy scenarios aplomb. So tell me, who is the first person you'd like to see?"

"Stretch Armstrong?" blurted Peter.

"Shikamaru looked at him with a concerned face, as if his words were hurting him a little. "St….Stre….out of all fucking people, why him?"

"I mean, you did say there was 80.90% of IPs here."

"78.493283%, actually."

"Right, that's what I said. Anyways, I'm sure there's a chance he's here."

With a sigh, Shikamaru said, "Well, I have good news and bad news. Bad news-"

"He's dead. What's the good news?"

"He tastes delicious in ramen broth."

Peter immediately spat out the ramen all over the table and ran outside, nauseated. Shikamaru laughed hard as he caught up with the big guy. "Relax, I was just kidding!"

Peter was still in the middle of his coughing fit as he came back with, "What, him being dead?"

"Nah, him being in the ramen. Nah, he's totally dead, for sure. Dude was an Anti-Semite so we had to 'stretch him out'."

"Ok, I'm just not gonna prod on that cow." Peter stood up and wiped his mouth. "Got anyone that's not dead and is not an asshole?"

"I was gonna say I was gonna meet up with Skeletor and Hank if you wanna come with. We're just gonna have a beer and stuff."

Peter's ears perked ever so slightly at the four letter word. His smile went wide as he said "Now we're friggin' talkin'! Show me the way!"

"Peter!" Lois exclaimed. "Where are you going? You can't just leave me here! What if I get kidnapped by Bowser? O-o-or Ganondorf? Or uh…..or uh…..uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…fuck, there's gotta be someone else….uuuuhhhhhhhh goddamnit, I just had 'im on the top of my head…"

"Loki? Loki, you mean?"

"Nah, nah. If you're talking about that one, they're part of a different variant universe and whatnot but-"

"Right, right. Right."

"But, we do have some variants of them before Mickey grabbed them. And before you ask, no, he's not here. He's off fighting some random war with most of the 90s legends and whatnot. Something about Shag and Scoob or something….Anyway, enough chit-chat. Time I get going. Don't want the beers to get warm." Shikamaru stretched his arms and legs then started to walking towards a small emerald-colored gate. "Come on, we ain't got all day, now."

Peter looked at Lois with an almost pleading look. Lois almost slapped him if it wasn't for the hospitality these people have exhibited. It wasn't right to leave someone's wife on their own in a strange new world and it's even worse when it's one full of strangers with extraordinary powers. Lois' inquisitive nature does tend to make most of her decisions so she wasn't too upset. "Peter," she said with a sigh. "just be careful out there. I can't find anyone that would be remotely interested in at least a simple lick-and-split so the least you can do is stay alive. Please? For me?"

Peter's eyes gleamed excitedly. "Don't you worry! I'll be sure to keep myself together all in one piece like Mickey Rooney! Or Dennis Quaid! Or Randy Quaid! Or Bill Co-"

"You should probably stop while you're ahead."

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

Meanwhile…

"Ayeo, shodie!" Shinji yelled from the hallway corridor, shoes dangling from his hands. "Don't be smoking up my shit, I ain't got much!"

"'Kay 'kay, sweetie!" Asuka yelled back.

Shinji gave her a kiss and walked out the steel door. As he closed the door, he felt a tingle crawl up his spine and immediately got him alert. This is new…..not a lot of people come down here…

"Deep? Deep, is that you?" he yelled. "Come on, the sewer isn't your turf! What would Queen Maeve say once she sees you?"

Only Shinji's voice and the scatter of various small creatures carried around the tunnel.

"Dio Brando, you bitch made nigga. If you're gonna kill me, do it right in front of me! Wanna knee a dog but can't get these fists!"

The deafening silence was annoying Shinji. The last thing is someone messing with his head right now. He was just bettering his mental health…..he was just doing good…the sins of his father wasn't going to plague him this time. Whatever demon is lurking in the shadows won't like it when they get hit with a barrage of blessed and marked .45 rounds from his revolver.

"I'm not playing these games!" he cried out, hand shaking from the power the gun held. "I'll fire on you so fucking quick! Watch, I'll do it on the count of three! One-"

"Three."

All of a sudden, he felt a force strike him against the head and all Shinji could feel was the light slipping away as his body plummeted to the ground. When he hit, his eyes flickered up for a brief moment to see a young man walking up to him. He couldn't make it out who he was but he saw a familiar ribbon on another figure and, for a split second, a wave of regret and frustration held him.

an hour later…

"Wake the fuck up."

As he struggled to open his eyes, Shinji realized his hands were itching. He was doing his best to get his hands up but they felt trapped. Almost as if they were….

The first thing that pissed him off was him looking at his hands to see that they were bound behind the chair. The second thing that pissed him off was that he was sitting across the table from himself. I apologize, his real self was sitting across from his "other ego". The man known as Shinji Ikari was more older that the one tied up, with his hair maintained and the smell of cleaner weed and soap was very much present. He didn't share the same facial expression as the "other ego" expressed, though there was no need to.

"Shinji Zero-"

"Just 'Shinji' is fine."

"-what the fuck is wrong with you? You desecrate our father's grave, shit on Mom and violated Rei! She's very, VERY pissed with you. You're lucky Asuka didn't decide to come or else, we would all be in jail."

Asuka Zero did a raspberry spppprrrrttt! with her tongue and laughed. "That bitch ain't gonna do shit! She knows I can kick her ass!"

Shinji sighed. "Asuka Zero, don't-"

"Don't what? Act up and call her out?"

"I haven't even finished my introduction! The reader won't know who I am without some conte-"

"Fuck the reader, no one reads this dry ass waste of a fanfic! And you know what?!" Asuka Zero stood up from the couch and walked to the table.

"Please don't…please…."

"FUCK THAT HOE!" Asuka yelled as she climbed up from the table. As soon as she did that, Misato walked in from the steel door, hair tattered and messy with the click-clack of her heels popping along. Ristuko and Maya came behind her with Maya wiping her mouth off. Asuka turned around to see her favorite person and squealed, "MISAATOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Misato looked up to see her protege on the table and climbed up on the table, screaming along as she wobbled. "OMG GIRRRRLLLLLL, I AM SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG! The girls and I had to work to get the shit. We had to work haaaard…"

"Man, I'm telling you, my arms and knees are just so sore from working a looooot….." Ristuko sighed, fanning herself with a random newspaper.

"I got my face fucked and my ass stretched for almost an hour." Maya exclaimed. "I still have cum leaking out of me."

Both Misato and Ristuko looked at Maya with confusion and disgust. "What? N-no. No, we actually did landscaping for Aang's Garden. You were there."

Maya blinked twice. "I legit thought we were gonna fuck them for the coke."

"No, Maya." Misato said. "No, you just let them use your holes. No one asked you to do that."

Maya looked at Misato and then, with her head down, she muttered, "I'ma go clean myself up….it's starting to trickle do-"

"Ok, ok, ok, just come with me. I have some spare pants and underwear."

Ritsuko led Maya into her room and you can hear her say something along the lines of, "Dude, what the fuck, I knew I heard someone choking somewhere!" as they walked down the hallway. Misato looked at the Shinji's and clicked her tongue. "...I saw them outside."

"I gathered as much…." groaned Shinji. "Did you ignore them like I been asked you to do?"

"Yeah. I was polite and said 'hello.'"

"Good, cuz the last thing I need is trouble." Shinji looked at Shinji Zero. "You and I are going to have a conversation."

Shinji Zero raised a brow. A conversation? After how many years? This has to be a set up. This motherfucker has never given me a chance to talk without wanting to fight me. Now, he tryna be the bigger man? Alright, I'll play.

"When and where, old man?" Shinji Zero said, with an air of malicious whimsy.

Shinji shot back with a steel tone. "This isn't a joke. I'm not going to hurt you in any way. The only person that will be hurting you-and is still hurting you-is yourself."

"So? You ain't gonna do shit! Now take me to where we gotta go to talk!" Shinji Zero's temper was getting to him. Dude, don't…

"Yo, calm your tone."

"This is my spot, I'll talk to you however I want!"

"Don't make me bring them in here…."

"My guy, fuck bringing them here." Shinji Zero darted his eyes towards the open steel door and smirked. "Damn, she's fast…"

Shinji turned around and saw the door, gasping. Fuck…..fuckfuckfuckfuckfucknotnow…

"Misato Zero!" he roared, turning his body to her. His face was slowly getting pink with each breath he took. "Tell me your bitch ass at least TRIED and paid attention to Asuka!"

Misato Zero, already setting up a line of cocaine on the wooden table, never looked up as she uttered, "I mean…I did try…"

Shinji snatched his "other ego" and bolted out the door, mud and dirt splashing all over his slightly unkempt jeans. The last thing they need to see is the truth…..the people of this village can't know…

As the light at the end of the tunnel grew, several voices started to overlap each other. Angry voices. Violence. Glass shattering.

Shinji appeared out of the hole to see the two Asukas tussling on the ground, pieces of blood painting the dirt while Rei is giving Shinji Zero a deadly gaze as she leaned by the door of a small sedan. Shinji threw his copy to the ground and struggled to pull off the Asukas.

"Langley, what the fuck?!"

"This bitch ran out here-LEGIT SPRINTED-and started shit!" Asuka Shikinami Langley roared back. She pointed to her torn eyepatch. "Look at what she did! Look! This heifer is nothing but a rude bitch and she deserves to get her ass beaten in!"

"You look like shit with it on, anyways!" Asuka Langley Soryu cried out. She looked at Shinji Zero on the ground and screamed, "Pick him the fuck up, you cur!"

"First off, cur? Cur? Second, get off his fucking dick, you nasty bitch!"

"Takes one to know one! At least my momma ain't a hoe!"

"BOTH OF OUR MOMS WERE!"

"YO MOMMA DEAD!"

"WE HAVE THE SAME MOM, YOU GINGER-HEADED CUNTFUCK! THEY COMMITED SUICIDE!"

Soryu slashed Langley on the cheek with her nail, causing Langley to scream in pain. They went back to fighting with Shinji being caught in the middle. "HEY HEY HEY HEY GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" Finally, he grabbed Langley by her hair and snatched Soryu by her thigh and held them back. "Now then….can we stop this shit? This will bring unwanted attention and we don't need that right now." As he gently put the two girls down on the ground, he took a deep breath and continued, "Ok, I'ma lay some lazy, quick exposition. You two are not allowed to co-exist. What part of 'no clones or repeated/alternate versions of ourselves are allowed in this realm' don't you two understand? The last thing people need to know is how we all really got here. Our entire realm of peace will lose their shit if they find out." Shinji looked at his "other ego" in disgust. "Isn't that right, you nasty bastard?"

Shinji Zero spat at the real Shinji's feet and smiled.

"Open your mouth and I'll kick it shut."

Shinji looked around and sighed again. This is gonna take a while…. "Wait, where's Mari?"

Langley looked around and shrugged.

Shinji, shocked, looked at Rei then at Misato, who was rolling up a joint. "Does anyone have any object permanence whatsoever?!"

"Apparently not." replied Shinji Zero, who was swiftly met with a boot to his jaw to silence him. "ARGH! Jesus, fuck…."

"Alright," Fucking hell….where could she have gone….. "we got a side objective: re-up on Mari and take our package and head out. Now, Rei, would you be able to help with that? I know you're not in the mood to be dealing with this shit."

The gray haired girl sighed and got out of the car. Her long auburn jacket hung over as the wind picked up, giving it an almost cinematic sway. She looked towards the brush. "If I remember correctly," she spoke, softly. "she went through that bush over there. I think that leads to the village, if I'm not mistaken."

"About 3 miles to it, actually. It's hot so I'm going to give you a small kit. Water, some granola bars."

"I'm fine."

"Rei, I'm not doing this with you, jus-"

"Seriously, though. I'm fine. I'll take the water, though. Shit is hot out here."

"Oh, okay." Shinji handed Rei the bottle of water then went back to rummaging in the bag. "Do you have your communicator?"

Rei pointed to a surrealistic cochlear implant of sorts. "Yep." It pulsated and writhed here and there. "I hate these things. You know this."

"Trust, Rei, I am doing everything I can to fix this. I don't want these in my ears, either. They're the only things we can use in this realm without it picking up on their radars. Now, then, what are the codenames?"

A groan of disdain hissed slowly out of Rei's mouth. "Seriously?"

"Do you want them to kill us?"

"I mean, at this point, might as well."

"Ayanami!"

She flinched. …don't…..don't ever…. "Idiot Baka and Kirsten Stewart."

"Excellent."

Never letting Asuka pick shit ever again…

Rei started walking towards the brush when Shinji called her name, turning her body to look at him. "Be safe. Or whatever." he said to her, looking at the ground.

Rei sighed and gave him a small, somewhat pitiful smile. "Thank you."

She slinked in the thick brush and continued her journey as Shinji looked on. He then looked back at his failed clone and picked him up by the ropes and lead him to the car. Today was one of the worst days for this shit to happen. It's as if a ray of bad vibes washed towards this realm as soon as they crash landed a few months ago. Shinji looked at Langley. "My guy, can you….." Even asking this question was going to be hard. He saw the outcome clear as day and he knew what it spelled. But…..I mean, can you write a better inciting incident? "Can you take Soryu inside and stay in there?"

Langley looked at him with a face of bewilderment. "Shinji…..do you know what can happen if we even-?"

"Look, I'm pretty sure you'll be fine! Remember, tape the mouth and bucket under the chair! She has a bladder problem."

"Urinary incontinence, dude." Soryu stated bluntly. "It's a serious medical illness and I am doing my best to get it under control. Please do not ridicule me."

"Oh, I apologize. The cunt has urinary incontinence so please be respectful to her."

"You got it!" Langley jolted up and sternly grabbed Soryu by the arm. "Come along, piss baby!"

"Fuck you, man….."

The two girls walked in the dark sewer, water sloshing around noisily as Shinji put his clone in the backseat of the sedan. "Alright, my guy, buckle up. We're gonna have a talk, you and I."

I think this is a proper ending. Can't do too much. This will be finished soon hopefully.