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Dear Eriol…
I cried all night. It was there and then when it all end. It ended even before starting, since I never had a change to begin with. It hurt that Eriol had chosen Rika, but I think what hurt me the most was that Rika had chosen him too.
So, that was the end. I cried nonstop, until the sun came out. That's when I wrote my letter and promised myself to put it all behind me. It was no use to think of Eriol in such a romantic way, since him and Rika ended up being made for each other.
I think that's also the reason why it hurt me so much that Rika had decided to break up with him. Because, if it was me, I would never ever have broken up with Eriol. When you truly love each other, time and space are nothing.
When Rika came back to bed, I was still awake. Still, I had closed my eyes and calmed my breathing, so to make her believe I was fast asleep. With Misaki lying between us, I pretended to turn around and hugged her.
And then, I heard a sobbing. I slightly opened an eye and saw Rika. She was lying, her back turned to us so I couldn't see her face, but I could see her shoulders, and the way they trembled, confirming she was crying in silence.
Rika never cries.
Now that I had seen Rika cry over Eriol, I'm more convinced than ever: they are not over.
The next morning, we take Rika to the airport. Me and dad help to get her baggage out of the car, and when Misaki closes the trunk, Rika says we are free to go. The three of us look at her, visibly surprised: we all know Rika doesn't like goodbyes, but this is different. Is not like she's spending the weekend at grandma's, or golden week at a friend's house. She's leaving for five months, to another continent!
"The least I can do is to help you document your luggage." Says dad. "I want to see you cross security check."
"I'll be fine." Rika insists, as she places her hand bag over her suitcase. "I've traveled alone before and know how to do this."
Once she's certain her bag won't fall off, she hugs dad.
"I'll call as soon as I land." She says.
"Please call me everyday." I reply, and so, unable to hold it any longer, I jump and hug them both. Misaki then joins us.
"Don't forget about us." Says Misaki, and Rika smiles.
"That would be impossible." She answers.
And we stay there, hugging each other, until Rika shakes us off and makes us let go. Still, this time she hugs Misaki, then switches to dad, and finally, she hugs me, tightly.
"Take care of dad and Misaki." She says in my ear. "Now you're the one in charge."
I can't help but cling to her, hugging her even more tightly, and I can hear her giggle. Fully aware I cannot longer delay it, I finally let her go.
"Bye, Rika." I say almost in a whisper, as I wipe my tears with my hands.
And so, the three of us just stay there. We look at her, how she takes her suitcase, and starts rolling it. She crosses the doors, and through the glass, we see her stop at the front desk. As Rika is documenting her luggage, dad hugs Misaki and me, which makes me cry even harder.
"Let's wait until she crosses security check." He calms us in a whisper.
Documenting her luggage goes smoothly, and so now she walks towards security check. I cross my fingers, wishing for her to turn around and ask why we haven't followed her. Ask us to say goodbye.
But she doesn't turn around. She keeps walking, eyes front. She places her personal belongings in one of those plastic trays, and crosses the scanner, as the tray does the same in the X ray band.
She doesn't look up when she turns around to grab her stuff from the tray.
She feels so far away. That 1st place in honor roll girl, the girl who never breaks the rules and always respects her elderly; that unreachable girl is now even more far away.
When we go back home, I can't help but cry during all the way. I know my attitude doesn't help to lighten the mood between me, dad and Misaki, but is just I don't know what else to do. Misaki even holds my hand and tells me to stop acting like a baby, and I can't help but cry again thing that even she's more mature than me.
When we finally arrive home, we can all feel she's missing. Despite Rika not being a noisy person (she never had crazy visits, or played her music full blast, or yell), the house still feels empty. Silence has stablished everywhere.
Are this how things are going to be, when I leave for college, in two years? House will be too big for just dad and Misaki. Loneliness will be even bigger. Silence would be even more unbearable.
I wouldn't be able to do that to them, so maybe my best shot is to not leave for a far away University. Tokyo University is just two hours away from Tomoeda, and it's a very good institution. Maybe too good of an institution, that getting an admission could be hard. But there's also Yokohama University, and that's even closer from home. Maybe I can even still live here at home during my first semester. That way my departure won't be as painful.
I'll see you guys again in the weekend~
Ribo~