Open when you miss me…

Serena finds the week following her birthday strange. No matter what she does, no matter how busy she keeps herself, she can't help but miss Bernie. She tries to focus on the spa weekend she has coming up with Elinor, the one Bernie booked her for her birthday, but even that reminds her of Bernie.

She thinks it might have something to do with the darker and colder evenings. This time last year would have found the two of them snuggled up on the sofa together under the thick woollen blanket when they were both at home at the same time. Bernie would make them both hot chocolate, a bit of a speciality of hers and even though Serena has tried she just can't make it taste the same.

The emptiness she's felt ever since Bernie went away feels like a chasm right now, and she isn't sure what will make it better. She might feel better if Bernie was coming home any time soon but she still has almost seven months until Bernie comes home.

She tries to keep herself busy with work and keeping Jason company but it just isn't enough. In the end she decides that she's going to have to break out the Open When You Miss Me… envelope from Bernie. She was hoping to save it, knowing that she still has a long time to go, but a week of trying hasn't helped so maybe it is the right time to open it.

Serena extracts the envelope from her work bag. She'd placed it in there just in case, taken to carrying it around for when she needed to open it. She sits on the sofa, wrapping herself in the thick woollen blanket that she has so often shared with Bernie and begins to read.

My Dearest Serena

I know you will be missing me like crazy, so I assume this may be one of the first letters you open, though knowing you maybe not. Maybe you'll try and save it just in case there is a time when you miss me even more than you did. I know how lonely you find it when we work different shifts in the hospital and seem to miss each other for a while, so I know that this extended period of time will be so much worse for you. I apologise that I can't just drop everything and be there with you. I apologise that at times it must feel like I have abandoned you. Most of all I want to apologise for the fact that I cannot be by your side every day no matter how much we both want that.

You know even without me telling you that I miss you immeasurably too. I miss you every minute, every hour, every day and every night that we are apart. I miss seeing your beautiful smile and instantly being able to smile back at you. I miss the way you stroke your fingers through my messy hair as if you feel lost without having it to stroke. I miss being able to just reach my hand out and have you link our fingers together when we go on our walks. I miss being able to grab your bum, instigating that perfect little squeak from your lips. I miss the way you pull me towards you when we cuddle as if you just need me that little bit closer, the way that I can tell you never want to let go no matter what. I miss being able to tenderly kiss your nose, cheeks, forehead and just being able to show you all my love and affection. I miss being able to sneak up behind you and hug you from behind, the way my body fits so perfectly against yours as if we were just made for each other. I miss being able to comfort you with gentle kisses and hugs that you just can't get enough of. I miss the taste of your lipstick that lingers, even hours after we last kissed. I miss looking up and seeing you sitting across the office from me. I miss being able to look at you while I perform surgery and seeing that look from you that shows me you trust me, reminds me that I am making the right decision. No matter how busy I am, I know that some part of me always misses you.

I know you can't just pick up the phone and tell me that you need me but please send me a e-bluey to let me know that you need me, and I'll do my best to call you as swiftly as I can. I love you so much, I may not always be the best girlfriend in the world, I may not be the best at expressing my feelings and especially not in writing, but I have poured all my love and emotion into this letter in the hope that it makes you feel just a little bit better. In the hope you know that you aren't alone and that we will get through this together. I miss you and love you always.

All My Love, Bernie,

Your Big Macho Army Medic x

She comes to the end of the letter, and at first, she expects to feel worse, the letter reminding her of even more things she misses about Bernie. But then she realises it hasn't. It has made her feel better, because she isn't alone in this. The feeling she is experiencing is mutual and Bernie feels it for her too and if she didn't miss Bernie, then that would be a problem. The fact they miss each other so much shows just how much they care for and love one another.

She does what's asked and composes Bernie a e-bluey in reply, short and simple.

Dear Bernie

I miss you!

All my love, darling

Stay safe, soldier.

Serena x

She knows when Bernie receives it, whether that is in three days or a week, that Bernie will understand what she needs.