A/N: Hey hey. Hope you like this chapter. I know it's not part 2 of the previous chapter, but don't worry. I got a plan. Enjoy!

Obviously

Chapter 7: Okay

The chatter was loud. Too loud. Everyone was having fun, but I was still stuck in my own head. I played the part of the dutiful hostess, taking food to others and bringing out drinks. Ben cleaned up what was leftover. We occasionally bumped shoulders, forcing us to look at each other. He offered a lopsided grin, but it wasn't his normal one. Part of me wanted to ask him what was wrong, but I had a feeling I already knew. I'd ruined things. Royally. I'd jumped the gun and told him how I felt, and he didn't get a chance to shoot me down privately, so he was doing his best to keep up the facade in front of our friends. That grin wasn't one of affection; it was one of apology and pity.

I hated that grin.

I kept my distance, making sure that our brushes were very limited. We sat opposite each other in the living room with the friends. I took an interest in Poe's animated expression, though my mind was elsewhere. Truth be told, I was looking at everything except Ben. Anything except Ben. I didn't want to see that look in his eyes anymore. I was the one that said it wouldn't be awkward, but he was the one making it so. I had half the mind to tell him to forget about it all. I wanted to tell him to just go back to how we were before the stupid Truth, Dare or Drink game. That game ruined things. The atmosphere changed; and not for the better. It was painful now. Forced. Uncomfortable.

But I kept up my act in front of our friends, not wanting them to ask questions I didn't want to answer. That is... until I got the Jyn look. I made the mistake of glancing over at her and saw her looking at me, dead on. It was as if she knew what was wrong. It was as if she knew I was hiding something or avoiding something. And it was after that look... that things got worse.

I watched as Jyn nudged Ben to walk with her outside. It was the first time him and I actually looked at each other since they'd come over. It was brief, but I couldn't make out his expression. He was blank. As if he'd erased all traces of himself. Like he was hollow or something. My eyes followed after them only to be abruptly nudged by Rose. I turned my attention to my left to look at her, away from Jyn and Ben leaving. "What was that for?" I asked as I rubbed my arm.

"Spill. Something happened, didn't it?"

I felt my brow twitching in irritation. Was nothing sacred anymore? I sighed heavily and shook my head. "Nothing happened. We just talked." And almost kissed...

"Uh huh. Do I need to get Poe to threaten a game of Truth, Dare or Drink?" she asked as she wiggled her eyebrows at me.

I cringed at the mention of it. I was either going to get really sauced if we played that, or there were some things that were going to come out that I wasn't ready for. Either scenario spelled bad news for me. "It really was nothing, Rose. Don't worry about it. We're fine."

She looked at me a moment longer and rolled her eyes. "You're boring." I blinked at her several times, as if I couldn't quite process that she'd just said that. She then laughed and hugged me tight against her. I could practically smell the wine coming off of her. "I'm just kidding. But seriously... how are you?" she asked softly into my hair.

"Uncomfortable being squished against your boobs..." I mumbled. She tightened on me a hair, forcing a sigh out of me again. "Lost... I don't know what I'm doing." It slipped out before I could help it. I glanced up to see the other boys had gone off into a room in the back, leaving me, Zorii and Rose in the living room. I suppose that was Cassian's idea...

Rose released me and then I saw that Zorii was sipping her wine silently. "Do any of us know what we're doing with these idiots?" she asked rhetorically.

Rose laughed and I just snickered briefly. "She's right, ya know. Usually we figure it out together."

I shrugged to myself, fiddling with the bandana in my hands that I'd picked up self-consciously. "I told him how I feel."

Rose's eyes widened and gleamed. Zorii showed mild attention, but still remained composed as she glanced over at me. "And?" Rose asked excitedly.

All I could do was shake my head and sip my own wine with a hint of irritation I didn't realize had surfaced. "And then you guys came and interrupted before I could get a reply."

Zorii couldn't help but laugh at that. It was short, but it was beautiful. I could see why Poe liked hearing her laugh. "Bring it up later. Let him stew on it for a while."

"That would be great if I wasn't the one stewing..." I mumbled.

"So... what did he look like when you told him?" Rose asked, as if testing the waters for a million other follow up questions I was sure she had locked and loaded.

"Like I'd tased him. Like he couldn't process what I'd said. Like I'd just made the hugest mistake in my life." The more I said, the more tears threatened to fall, but I willed them back. I refused to cry over that. What was done, was done. I had to deal with what came next no matter what so crying wouldn't benefit me either way.

The blonde enigma shook her head. "I assume you told him that if he didn't feel the same, you could-"

"Still be friends?" I finished. "Yeah..."

The two girls shared a look before Rose sighed and leaned her head on my shoulder. "If you recall, Ben isn't good at making friends, so maybe accepting feelings is hard, too."

"And even harder than accepting them, is expressing them to someone else."

I thought about what my friends had said. They were right. Maybe he was just caught off guard. Maybe he was just having trouble accepting what my feelings meant, or could mean, to him. How our relationship would change. How things would change in our friend group. The fears of something happening and us not making it. I'd thought about that, too. But I also wasn't Ben. I still didn't really know a lot about him. All I knew was what he told me or showed me or what I heard from other people. I nodded with resignation. "You're right. I should give him time. And if he doesn't feel the same... at least I put myself out there," I said with a small sad smile, leaning my head over on Rose's as she took my hand and Zorii smiled at me.

I really did have the best friends. I heard the door open and shut, and Jyn's motherly tone coming in softly. It was too soft to hear, but I saw her punch Ben's arm, earning her a small smirk. He looked up and his eyes caught mine. We just stared. It felt like forever until he looked away, but when he did, he walked into the kitchen. Rose leaned into me with a grin on her face. "If he doesn't like you back, I'll eat a whole bakery's worth of baked goods," she whispered.

I blushed and nudged her with a roll of my eyes. "I pick the bakery."

"I don't think that's necessary," Zorii said as she finished off her wine and held her glass out to me with a mischievous smirk. "Because you're going to meet him in the kitchen and refill my wine. And don't you dare leave that kitchen until you've said something to him resembling a civil conversation."

"Is that your wish?" I countered with a grin.

"Does it have to be?"

I laughed and shook my head, taking her glass and standing to walk to the kitchen. I made it in there and saw him pouring a glass of wine, back to me. It was the one I liked. I wondered how bottomless that glass was, but quickly shook it off when I saw there were four other empty ones off to the side. I walked up to him quietly, but before I could say anything, he turned and walked at the same time, bumping into me and spilling wine on my shirt. I gasped at the cold liquid assaulting me, but couldn't really do much else. Ben stayed where he was, as if he were afraid to move. He muttered a quick apology and snatched a towel off the stove, going to work at attempting to dry my shirt. "Why didn't you say anything?" he hissed between scrubbing and soaking the fabric that he'd pulled away from my body.

"I was going to, but you whipped around before I could say anything!" I defended. "I can do it myself," I said softer as I reached up to grab the towel from him. He kept scrubbing at the fabric, as if obsessively. My hand wrapped around his, trying to stop him. "Ben... I can do it. Give me the towel. You're stretching out my shirt..." And also getting dangerously close to my chest...

He stopped mid-stroke at that. As if he blinked out of a stupor. He pulled his hand away from me as if I'd electrocuted him or something, then tossed me the towel with another apology. "You should go to the bathroom to... rinse it out."

"I will. Ben, are you-"

"You should go now before it sets," he said quickly, re-pouring the same glass of wine and side-stepping me, almost darting out of the kitchen.

I stood there quietly. I didn't know what to make of that interaction. Was he really so upset with me that he wouldn't even spare me a minute of conversation? I fiddled with the towel in my hand, biting back tears as I looked down at my ruined shirt. It's fine... It was old anyway... I kept telling myself that it didn't bother me. That his sudden urge to get away from me wasn't bothering me. That it would be all right. That I hadn't just lost a friend. That... I wasn't crying.

I turned on my heel and left the kitchen, clutching the towel to my shirt as I did. Bending down for a moment, I grabbed my back and huffed it upstairs quicker than I'd ever taken stairs in my life. With each step, the tears threatened to fall. With each agonizing step, I realized exactly how badly I'd messed up. How badly I wanted to attempt to have a relationship with someone. I'd told myself that relationships were a waste of time and energy, but the need to be wanted suddenly surfaced and reared its ugly head in the worst possible moment. I walked over to a bedroom off to the right and threw my back down on the bed. I shut the door quickly behind me, allowing a soft sob to leave my mouth.

This was stupid. This was ridiculous. I was crying over someone I barely knew. Over a rejection that was neither here nor there. I had other friends, so why was Ben bothering me so badly? I snatched my shirt off, refusing to think about it longer than necessary. I looked down at it and sniffled when I noticed my bra had also been ruined. I ran my fingers through my hair with a sigh. After wiping the fallen tears, I walked over to my bag, snatched out another bra and shirt, and threw the ones I had in my hand in a corner of the room. I would get to those later, I suppose.

After I got dressed, I sat on the bed in silence, staring down at the bandana. My thumb idly rubbed the fabric, memories of our little game rushing back and flickering in my mind like snippets from a movie. I just stared at it blankly, feeling numb as I let my finger caress the soft fabric in my hand. Why did he ask me to kiss him? Was it all really just a game? Had he been telling the truth when he'd said that he wanted to see if I would? Why did he apologize if he did think that? Rose seemed so sure that he liked me in return, so why was he acting like I had the plague? We'd went from speaking to not in a matter of seconds.

I replayed my confession in my head several times. I couldn't see where I'd said anything untoward. I'd even offered him an out. I was honest. I didn't have any hidden motives. I expressed the want to still be friends if it were one-sided. Where had I gone wrong? Was he gay? Did he already have a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend? My mind raced with more questions than I could answer and I closed my eyes quietly. I let out a long, shaky breath and tried to control myself.

Just as I was about to compose myself, the door opened, startling me. I gasped at the action, then realized that Ben was standing there in the doorway. "Oh..." was all he said. He stood in the doorway, unsure what he should do, but I could tell he was debating saying something. "Do you... need a minute?" he asked awkwardly.

I narrowed my eyes at him in irritation. "Really?" He looked at me with bewilderment, as if I'd asked him the meaning of life. "You freak out in the kitchen, leave me all of a sudden without an explanation, and then burst in my room and ask me if I need a minute?"

"My room... actually."

My brow twitched and I went to speak, but my voice got caught in my throat when I realized what he'd said. Before I could stop it, I shot up, snatched my bag off the bed and started to walk toward the door. I was going to force my way past him, but he grabbed my arm. He just held me there, not pulling, but not letting me go either. "Sorry for invading your room..." 50-50 shot and I chose his room. The guest room was across the hall, but I walked into, and got naked in, his room.

My cheeks reddened when I realized my bra was laying in the corner of his room. I was about to make a move to grab it, but before I could, Ben pulled me into his arms, back into his room. I barely heard the door shut as I leaned against him, his weight against the door. His arms were muscular, firm yet gentle, in the way he held me against him. It seemed almost desperate. My body was frozen in place against him, my brain rushing to compute what the heck was going on. Why was Ben holding me in his room while our friends were all downstairs? "I'm sorry, Rey."

I blinked out of my stupor then. He was sorry? For what? For treating me like a disease? For not giving me an answer? For being an outright pile of bantha poo?! He should be sorry! I huffed against him. I felt his hand run through my hair, cradling the back of my head as he held me against him affectionately. The whole feel of this embrace changed from one of desperation to one of someone holding a delicate glass figurine. "I don't understand you..." I mumbled against him as I dropped my back and reluctantly slid my arms around him.

He chuckled sadly. "I don't understand me either."

"Well, that's promising."

He snickered, then sighed as he loosened his hold on me. I was scared to move, so I just stayed where I was. "Do you regret it?"

"Regret what?"

He was silent for a moment, then, just slightly, his grip tightened around me once more. Was he scared? "Do you regret confessing to me?" I was silent then. What do I say to that? That was a loaded question, I had to admit. I don't regret my feelings for him, but I regret saying something because I didn't want our relationship to change this drastically. "Rey, I've already told you I don't make friends easily. So, when you said you liked me as more than a friend... I didn't know what to do. I don't want to lose you as a friend."

My heart sank a little. Was this the beautiful letdown I was expecting? Was it finally happening now that we were alone? "That's fine, Ben. I already told you-"

"I don't want to lose you as a friend, but I don't know how to be anything else other than a friend." The words were rushed, but they were genuine. The silence hung over us for a long, painful second as the weight of his words started to sink in. "I'm not sure... how to describe what I'm feeling... It's different with you."

I couldn't help but smile sadly at that. I snuggled a little closer to him, tightening my hold around him just a fraction. "You don't have to put a word to it, Ben. And you don't need to feel obligated to tell me you feel the same if you don't. We can keep being friends. We can figure it out together. If I can help..." I let the question hang in the air. I couldn't bring myself to finish it. Part of me was hoping for more. Part of me was hoping he'd admit in this grand fashion that he liked me, too. But in all actuality, he was scared of losing me as much as I was scared of losing him. That was good enough for me. To know that our friendship meant more than putting a word to an emotion and playing house together.

"Thanks, Rey," he whispered as he gently kissed the top of my head. I knew Ben had girlfriends before, so I knew he wasn't new to this. But I didn't know how deep his feelings had ever ran for any of them either. Had he made it to love them? Had he ever experienced love for someone other than his parents? I wanted to ask him. But I didn't want to know if there was some girl out there that had won Ben Solo's love and ultimately broke his heart. I was content being a friend who was forced into the same circumstances of losing a game, suffering the consequences together until the next fair.

I pulled away from his hold slowly, risking a glance up at him to see him staring down at me affectionately. It almost took my breath away, but it also crushed my heart. I didn't want to read too much into that look. I didn't want to think about how that look would change if we were anything other than friends. I only smiled up at him and kissed his cheek. "We should get back downstairs before Poe starts a rumor mill."

Ben stiffened, then forced himself to relax. What was that all about? Was he worried about Poe's rumors? In all fairness, Poe could be pretty brutal with his rumors and gossip. I found it more beneficial to stay out of his line of sight when it came to that stuff. I pushed it from my mind and reached for the door knob, but Ben stopped me. I looked back up at him curiously. "Are we... okay?"

I gave him a smile, hopefully a convincing one. "Why wouldn't we be?" He studied my face for a moment, but nodded and let me open the door. As soon as it was open, I briskly walked downstairs to the rest of the crowd. Everyone was seated around the table, laughing and having a good time. The only ones that gave me a look were Zorii and Jyn. I smiled over at them and walked into the kitchen to retrieve a glass of wine. I would need it, I assumed, for whatever Poe could think of. I downed the whole glass in a matter of seconds before pouring another one with a sigh.

Straightening myself out, I saw Ben walk into the kitchen. He kept his features schooled, as if he didn't want to hint either way what he was thinking. He glanced over at my glass and then flicked his eyes up at my face for a brief second. He grabbed another glass from the cupboard, poured himself a glass and glanced over at me. "Careful with that. It's strong," he warned as he turned on his heel and walked out of the kitchen.

I blinked several times. Was he calling me a lightweight? I shrugged it off and walked into the living room with everyone else. I saw Poe's mischievous grin looking right up at me. "Oh no... another one of your games?" I whined.