NB: Translation will be at the end of the chapter. There is only one line.
...pull me back inside, show me how in love, your heart ceases to fight.
The first thing Peter felt when he woke up, was too warm.
He frowned groggily in a slowly waking daze, trying to figure out why he felt close to sweating, and it took a few long seconds, but he realized it was because he was bundled under his blanket, right up to his shoulders, in almost the exact position he'd fallen asleep in. He still didn't move though, not right away, he was still too sleepy. So he laid still, letting his senses come online gradually, the buzz of daytime life in the world outside and streets below filtering in.
It really sucked to be woken up feeling like overheated burrito stuffing though, it was not comfy at all, so Peter huffed grumpily into his pillow where his face was pressed, deciding to just go ahead and get up. But when he was about to move his arm to throw the cover off himself, he noticed something was touching his hand. Something warm and rough and...oh. Okay. He hadn't forgotten Wade was there, so it clicked very quickly that he was touching Wade, specifically it felt like Wade's hand. He was touching Wade's hand, or was Wade touching his hand? Or holding it? It was a very light touch, with barely even a grip, and weirder still, Peter noted that his own hand was partially off the edge of the bed. And he remembered falling asleep facing the edge of the bed, so then, how...?
Peter was still groggily frowning when he opened his eyes to a narrowed squint, just to see what the heck was going on...and then his eyes widened a bit more as soon as he saw the top of Wade's hairless head. Confused, Peter blinked a few slow times, noting that Wade was beside the bed, and he was either sitting or kneeling on the floor with his head down. He had his forehead on his left forearm, which was resting on the mattress, and it was the same arm of the hand lightly holding his own, just off the edge of the bed. Despite being confused by why Wade ended up there, his first thought was,
'At least he stayed.' and just then he noticed that the gauze dressings he'd put on Wade's head and arm the night before had all been removed, and he was relieved to see that all the wounds Wade had had were completely gone, totally healed, even the blood had been cleaned away. 'That's good. The food and sleep really helped.' he thought, a small sleepy smile on his face, half mushed into the pillow. But the smile faded quickly when his brain rewound back to ask the question of why Wade was on the floor beside the bed? How long had he been there? Was he asleep? Why was Wade holding his hand...not that Peter minded the last one.
Peter parted his dry lips and swallowed, his throat equally dry, as he squeezed Wade's hand a little, fingers pressing lightly against the back of the merc's large hand,
"Hey, Wade?" he prompted softly, voice still thick with sleep.
"Hey, Pete." Wade said back, sounding quite awake, but not lifting his head.
"Why are you-, uh, what are you doing?" he asked, frowning a bit, feeling how Wade's hand gently tightened, as if he hadn't wanted to risk Peter feeling it before when he'd been asleep, but now he held tighter.
"I got up to pee." he answered.
"Okay." Peter cleared his throat, it felt so dry, "And then what happened?"
"I..." Wade trailed off, staying quiet for several long seconds, so Peter squeezed his hand lightly, thinking it might encourage him to finish. It worked, Wade quietly continued, "I looked at you, looked at you and..." okay, it kind of worked. He'd trailed off again.
More awake, Peter gathered up some energy and shifted to lean up on the elbow of his other arm,
"Wade?"
"...I just wanted to hold your hand." he answered quietly, half mumbled.
Peter's chest tightened a bit at hearing that, and he was glad Wade wasn't looking at him, or Wade would have seen how his expression briefly crumbled with emotion. It was only a moment though, before he swallowed and regained control of his face.
"Wade, you, uh, you could have gotten back into bed and," he pursed his lips slightly, swallowed through the emotional tension in his throat, "you could still have held my hand." he informed the merc of the obvious, squeezing his hand again. Wade's mumbled response was,
"You were facing the wrong way. Didn't wanna' wake you."
Peter breathed out quietly and slowly, slowly enough that he could reel in the urge to cry and smile at the same time. Crap, Wade was...
Yeah, now Peter really wanted to hold his hand too, and he was about to move back on the bed, to give Wade room to get in and keep holding his hand...but his phone started ringing.
Peter clenched his eyes shut briefly as he sighed out his frustration, at the same time, Wade let go of his hand, curling his scarred fingers into a loose fist on the mattress. He still didn't lift his head and Peter was beginning to suspect that keeping his head down was Wade's not very subtle way of hiding his face without his mask.
He sighed again as his phone continued ringing on his nightstand, and since it wasn't stopping, he pushed himself to sit up enough that he could reach for it. His annoyance only escalated when his sore body ached at the movement, and then even more when he saw that it was Sam Wilson calling him. Peter declined the call with a firm tap and then put his phone on silent, and when he reached over to put it back on the nightstand, he set it face down.
He adjusted his position then, until he was sitting up, hunched forward and legs half bent as he ruffled his already disheveled hair with both hands, then dragged them down to rub over his face, which wasn't smart because it hurt his bruises, but still half asleep, he didn't even care. When he dropped his hands into his lap, he noticed Wade hadn't even moved at all, he just remained on the floor beside the bed with his arm and head down on the mattress. Peter didn't say anything, instead he settled with his arms hooked around his bent up legs and took the opportunity to look at Wade. Because even though he could really only see the top of Wade's head and down the back of his neck, as well as his forearm and hand, he could still get a good look at Wade's skin in a way he hadn't been able to before.
In natural light, all the flesh discolouration and contours, the raw and dry skin, the ridges and twists of the scars, the areas where skin was peeling, it all stood out quite starkly. The dry parts looked white, cracked and a bit ashy, the rawer reds appeared more vivid, irritated and honestly quite sore and it made Peter's stomach tense, wondering about Wade's standard level of daily pain. He wanted to ask about it, but since Wade never seemed to want to talk about it, Peter just swallowed down his concerned curiosity. He just kept looking, trailing his gaze to the spot on the side of Wade's head, where just hours before, there had been a huge gash. Peter had been able to see layers of flesh so clearly when he'd been dressing it in gauze...
Feeling a desire to touch, he reached out and with gentle fingertips he lightly skimmed the spot that was healed over. Wade tensed up in reaction, but only slightly, as if he'd been surprised, before he settled again, so Peter didn't take his hand away. Peter touched a little firmer then, and he could feel the dryness of the skin in some places, the bumpiness and rougher patches too, but also, he noticed the skin felt a little tender and slightly sticky, like blood was still close to the surface, as if it'd just about healed.
'He still needs to heal more, eat and sleep too probably.' Peter thought as he continued to gently touch around the area, stroking his fingers down to trace the slightly disfigured shell of Wade's ear, imagining that if he smelled his fingertips afterward, the scent would be copperish.
Like Wade smelled...like he tasted.
Peter's imaginings slowly changed to thinking about leaning over, pressing his lips to the tender skin...and then he thought maybe Wade would lift his head and Peter would be able to see his brown eyes in the light of day. Peter felt like he'd smile if Wade only just looked at him, and maybe they'd lean in, and maybe they could kiss. They hadn't kissed in weeks. Maybe a kiss would close the weird distance that had formed between them, and they could begin to feel better, closer, again. In the shower the night before the atmosphere had been too emotional and off balance. And it still felt that way right then, and Peter wanted to-
"My skin gets worse." Wade broke the silence, voice soft and tense.
Peter frowned, his fingers pausing where they'd been tracing a drier contour that went all the way down the back of Wade's head.
He stayed quiet, thinking Wade would elaborate, but when he didn't, Peter asked,
"What do you mean?" his voice was still somewhat affected by sleep.
Wade didn't answer for several seconds, and so Peter decided to be patient, continuing to trace his fingers over the patterns of Wade's scars.
Eventually Wade continued to talk,
"My cancer, it, it sometimes, sometimes it gets really bad, like, really aggressive..." he was speaking quietly, and Peter noticed that his voice sounded a bit choked, like he didn't want to be talking about it. Peter chose not to say anything, instead he flattened his palm, his whole hand, to Wade's head and he continued to gently touch the merc's skin, not shying away, so Wade knew he was patiently waiting and listening. It was almost a full minute before Wade continued, "It doesn't last long when it gets like that, but it, it-, I get growths, and lesions, ul-ulcers...m-my skin becomes darker, blackens in some places...sometimes there's-, there'll be tumors, some flesh starts to d-die, it heals again but, but it can smell really bad, l-like rotti-" he cut himself off, and took in a sharp breath then, and Peter watched Wade's hand clench into a tight fist. His voice sounded so tight, it probably hurt him to talk.
Peter felt a lump form in his throat and he parted his lips to say something but Wade went on,
"And I get-...also, there's, there will be holes in my skin, in my tissue and muscle." a breath softly shuddered out of him, and his next words were said in a quiet rush, "My skin bleedsandseeps , into my suit, and, on the, it'll seep onto the bedcoversand ...my clothes..." he sounded like he was clenching his teeth, he sounded like he hated everything he was saying, like he hated himself. Peter's hand had fallen still, throat clogged by the lump, "I- I...it hurts more than usual, it itches and burns and I get, I'll be so fucking irritable, I can be a real fucking prick on those days, Peter, I-" he cut himself off again. And then he hissed out, "It's disgusting. It's the worst-" but his voice cracked at the end, and he sounded so broken.
Peter had tears in his eyes as he splayed his hand out against the side of Wade's head. He was looking at Wade's skin, picturing what the man was describing. Or, he was trying to at least, it was a lot to picture, quite difficult to pictur accu-
He stopped that train of thought abruptly and listened when Wade continued to talk,
"...should have, I should have told you before, before we...I shouldn't have waited this long to tell you that it gets worse. That this," he unclenched his fist, only to clench it again, white knuckled, "that, I, I get so disgusting, Ishouldhavetold you, before we...before everything , so you would know wh-what you were getting into with me, but I was sc-, I was, I wanted to..." his trailed off into a breath that sounded a lot like a choked sob.
Peter blinked, feeling moisture making it onto his lashes as he continued to look at the top of Wade's head, at his skin. His gaze traveled down Wade's forearm, to the stretch of skin across Wade's clenched fist, where he was able to clearly see the red, brown and purplish petechiae over and between Wade's knuckles. Peter hated how Wade sounded so self-hating and like he thought he was really disgusting, when to Peter, most of what he'd said made sense for cancer symptoms. Some of it sounded like it really became extreme though, to a scary extent, and Peter felt Wade was just fortunate his healing factor was so impressive, or he might have experienced those 'sometimes' cancer symptoms more often, or worse, all of the time. Still, it hurt Peter to think of it in anyway. He couldn't imagine how living with something like that wouldn't drive someone insane, as it was, he found it impressive, in the most painful way, that Wade was able to function as he did, being constantly in pain, and living with what he did.
It was quiet for a short while, as Peter swallowed around the lump in his throat, blinking some more wetness from his eyes and pursing his lips, letting his hand relax against Wade's head but keeping it there. It sounded so horrible, what Wade had described, but a small smile still formed on Peter's lips, because he realized something important. Before, Wade hadn't told him about any of it because he'd been scared of getting a disgusted reaction, that Peter would be put off and reject him. Not unalike the whole mask thing. So then, if Wade was telling him finally, that meant he was trusting him completely?
That was a good thing in Peter's book. Although, he didn't know why Wade thought he'd be disgusted by cancer symptoms. Peter wasn't afraid of Wade having cancer, that would be ridiculous. He hated that Wade cancer and had to live with it, that much was true, but at least it couldn't kill him, couldn't take the older super away from him...because he loved Wade. And he loved being with Wade, and he wanted to be with Wade even through the times whenever his cancer got aggressive. That was not something Peter had any problem with. He didn't think it'd be easy, he wasn't naïve enough to believe that, he wasn't going to sugarcoat it for himself like an idiot, but , he wasn't afraid to face it.
Peter lifted his hand from Wade's head then, which made the merc tighten his fist even more, shoulders tensing because he was probably expecting the worst. But Peter just placed his hand over Wade's fist, and finally the merc's head lifted just a bit, and Peter let his fingers slide over the rawer, blood dotted skin between the merc's knuckles, feeling Wade relax his hand, allowing Peter to interlock their fingers.
"When it happens," Peter paused, needing to swallow around the lump in his throat again, "when it happens, do you want to be left alone, or should I-, can I stay with you?" he just needed to know what Wade would prefer during that time, and the rest, they could work around.
Wade hadn't raised his head much, he seemed to have lifted it just enough to look at their joined hands, and after another bout of silence he shook his head lightly,
"It's better if I'm alone, I usua-"
"Do you want to be alone?" Peter frowned sadly, squeezing his hand.
Wade went quiet then, for a long enough time that Peter assumed he was giving it real thought and was struggling to decide how to answer. Maybe he needed a push? Peter shifted his fingers, moving his hand so Wade would open his, allowing Peter to hold his hand properly and brush his thumb over Wade's permanently rough skinned and bruise coloured knuckles, "I'd prefer to stay with you." he admitted, "You could stay here, or if you'd feel more comfortable, I could stay with you at your place. So you won't have to be alone, at least not all the time." because of course, Peter still had classes and patrol and other responsibilities, but he'd at least be able to be there for and with Wade as much as he could.
Wade dropped his forehead to rest on his arm again and rolled it side to side,
"It gets so bad, Peter, I-"
"I want to stay with you when it gets bad, Wade." he said it as confidently as he could, as confidently as he felt about it, then asked, "Unless you say you want to be alone?"
Wade took in a shuddery breath next, and then very quietly he said,
"I don't want to be alone." as he shook his head once more against his arm.
Peter nodded, re-interlocking their fingers,
"That's good, because I don't want to leave you alone." he admitted. He didn't even want to imagine how awful it'd been for Wade, staying alone all the time during some of the worst phases of his condition. The thought made the lump in Peter's throat hurt even more and he made a mental note to look up some methods of easing cancer symptoms. He knew he should probably read up on cancer in general, to have some more in-depth knowledge about-
"I'm so sorry, Peter, I'm so sorry for everything." Wade lifted his head a bit again and shifted their hands so he could bring them both close to his face, where the merc pressed his warm, rough lips to the back of Peter's hand. Peter squeezed his hand and nodded,
"I'm sorry too."
Wade's head shot up properly then, his brown eyes wide, hairless brow expressing his shocked confusion,
"No, no, nono, what the hell are you apologizing for?" he shook his head, and Peter just looked into his eyes, happy to be seeing his face again, undamaged, no dripping blood, and yeah, he felt a smile tugging at his lips, "You don't have to apologize to me, I'm the one who should be endlessly fucking apologizing, I've done nothing but fuck everything up since the start."
Wade sounded so adamant about it, and he was going to go on if Peter didn't stop him, so he said,
"I'm sorry for not bringing up MJ before." and Wade went quiet, closed his mouth, his frown changing to something more uncertain, and Peter wasn't actually sure Wade knew who he was talking about, so he explained, "My ex-girlfriend. She was here, in my apartment with my aunt, that's the reason you took off that day, right?" he asked, but he knew the answer, and Wade nodded after a moment to confirm it. Peter sighed, "I should have told you that she'd been in contact, that she was visiting New York and that we'd seen each other." he was shaking his head as he spoke. And even though Wade's expression of apologetic worry was back really quick, Peter clarified, "And I don't know what you heard that day, but nothing happened between us." he squeezed Wade's hand again, "MJ and I, when we met up, we just talked, caught up a bit. And I honestly had no idea she'd come over that morning." then he kind of felt unsure of whether to mention that he'd dodged MJ kissing him. It felt irrelevant though, so he settled on, "There was nothing, like, I mean, I didn't want-, I don't want anything, just-" he paused, then said more smoothly, "Just, things between her and I are totally over, okay? Have been for a long time. I just want you to know that." and it felt callous to say it out aloud, because MJ had been the girl he'd thought he'd marry. But things changed. All things could change. His feelings had definitely changed.
"You still don't need to apologize." Wade barely missed a beat, "I didn't leave because of her, not really. That was just an excuse." he added honestly, and his words surprised Peter, who looked at him and frowned questioningly. "It's my default, to make shitty decisions based on stupid reasons. I kept fucking up from the start, because it's easier to do the dumb destructive, self-sabotaging shit I'm used to." he sighed and made a pained face, "Being good, being better, it's really hard for me, but it also feels so fucking good when I get it right." a pause as he looked down at their hands, avoiding eye contact, "When I saw her, your ex-girl, I got angry at myself over not being good enough for you, and I hated myself for ever thinking I could be, so I took one last shot at being who I was used to being. But being good for you, to you, felt more...more necessary and more...satisfying than I've ever felt being shitty to myself." Wade finished, and Peter's frown faded then, leaving him feeling oddly amused and terribly fond of Wade.
The merc really could be such an idiot. Had he really felt that being shitty to himself was necessary ? Peter wasn't going to get into that with the merc though, with time he hoped Wade would learn to love himself, maybe even through showing Wade how much he loved him.
Fighting a blush at his own corny, romantic thoughts, Peter said,
"So you came back." voice soft as he wiggled his fingers a bit between Wade's to get the man to look at him again, holding eye contact when he did,
"I came back," Wade nodded, then blinked his eyes closed and reopened them with his gaze downcast again, "I came back because I couldn't stop thinking about you. I didn't want to let you go. I don't want to let you go." he admitted, just as he had the night before.
But it was nice to hear it again, without all the anger and blood and emotional overloading.
Peter was nodding, smiling a bit and still looking at Wade, even as the merc avoided eye contact,
"I'm glad you came back." and he was, but right then felt like a good time to discuss what needed to be addressed, so Peter took in a breath and squeezed Wade's hand, "But-" he paused again, to steady his voice as his smile faded, "Wade you can't do that again." because he wouldn't be able to handle it, "You can't drop me with no contact like that again, I can't-" Wade let go of his hand, which made him stop talking, watching with his mouth hanging open and a frown forming as Wade groaned miserably and slipped down off the edge of the bed, to lie in a fetal position on the floor, arms covering his head.
"I'm sooooo fucking sorry, I'll never, ever, fucking never do it again, Peter, I swear, I fucking swear, I'm so sorry. Sorry I hurt you, sorry I ran off, sorry for being such a giant back of cheesy dicks." he was saying, sounding every bit as sorry as he looked right then, when Peter leaned over the side of the bed to look down at him. He looked sad, but also really silly in the too small, borrowed clothes he was wearing, and Peter kind of wanted to snicker.
It was funny how all the pain of the last few weeks seemed so far away in that moment.
Peter smiled as he shifted so he was able to lean on his arms on the edge of the bed, looking down at Wade, who was mumbling more apologies in between some other stuff that made no sense at all. Peter frowned, hearing something about an end game and a cool time machine and how going back to the future was a total lie and quantum physics sucked.
Wade was always saying such weird stuff.
"Hey." Peter said to get Wade's attention, and waited as the merc stopped mumbling, slowly moved his arms and turned his head to look up at him, and then he said, "Let's just clean the slate, okay? Let's forget about it." he cocked an eyebrow, smiling down at Wade.
Wade blinked up at him and then slowly curled up again, being very dramatic it seemed,
"You're too perfect. Too good for me." he was saying, and Peter was about to tell him to stop talking crap when he continued with, "I'm gonna' do my best, Pete. I'll do whatever you want. Whatever you need. Your wish is my fucking command, I swear-"
"Hey." Peter said again, cutting him off, and Wade stopped talking but didn't look at him. Peter considered telling him he was being ridiculous, but it felt pointless, so instead he asked, "Whatever I want, huh?" and he smiled stupidly when Wade nodded in his unchanging position. "Okay, then I want you to stop apologizing." Wade nodded again, being very compliant, so Peter bit his lip and added, "And get off the floor."
Wade did as told, getting up and moving to sit on the edge of the bed, Peter moving as well to sit up again. He found Wade's behaviour a little amusing and kind of sweet, but a part of him was concerned it wasn't just Wade playing at being sweet, and that Wade was actually falling into a new unhealthy mindset. Peter honestly just wanted him to go back to being himself soon. He knew that Wade was a mess, and that even his 'normal' self came with issues, and yeah, Wade's normal self had really put him through the emotional wringer since they'd met. But all that drama aside, and hopefully never to be repeated, he liked Wade exactly the way he was. He didn't want to change that. He didn't want Wade to change who he was, not the fundamentals. He certainly didn't want Wade to be someone who would just do whatever he said, or whatever would make Peter happy. Relationships went both ways. They needed to work on making each other happy!
He didn't say any of that though, never being the greatest with words and complicated emotional discussions. And Wade didn't say anything either, so they sat that way in silence for a while, Peter sitting with his legs crisscrossed, fiddling with his fingers in between watching Wade, who was just sitting there on the edge of the bed, his side profile facing Peter as the merc stared at the floor, brow slightly scrunched up. And it wasn't awkward per se, but it definitely wasn't totally comfortable either, some weird tension was still lingering between them. Peter just tried to ignore it, taking another opportunity to just look at Wade, to notice the shape of his eyes, his nose and his mouth, from the side. He'd noticed earlier that the skin disfiguration on Wade's ears was more pronounced, and he could see it more clearly from that angle...still though, Wade had a nice side profile, and underneath his scars he was handsome, and with the natural light in the room, Peter also noticed his brown eyes looked lighter.
Yeah, Wade's skin was bad, but Peter decided that even with that, Wade definitely wasn't unattractive. Although, he wasn't sure anyone he knew would agree with him, they'd maybe say he just felt that way because he was in love with Wade. Ultimately though, it didn't matter what anyone else thought. What he felt for Wade, and vice versa, was what mattered between them.
"You once sai-" "Was it blue-"
They'd started to say something at the same time and they both cut themselves off, sharing a smiling glance at each before Wade said,
"You go first." still mostly avoiding eye contact. Peter wanted to tell him to do the same, but instead he just followed Wade's lead,
"I wanted to ask about your eyes. You mentioned once that they're usually brown." Wade turned his head but didn't actually look at him, "What did you mean by 'usually'?"
The merc nodded, making a bit of a face before answering,
"Okay, well, I guess you'll eventually find that out too, so...uh," he sighed, "sometimes, if I get a serious head injury, or too many, or for whatever reason it's bad enough," he tilted his head, still looking away, "my eyes sometimes just don't heal right." he paused, and Peter waited him out, until he added, "With the right luck I just end up with two different colour eyes, usually blue and brown, you know like, uh," he frowned a bit, trying to think of something, "like heterozygous or something."
Peter snorted softly and nodded,
"You mean heterochromia." he offered, and Wade nodded too,
"Yeah that." Peter nodded again, picturing Wade with two different colour eyes. And although he liked Wade's brown eyes, it didn't seem so bad if that would happen sometimes. He did frown when he started to wonder how it got back to nor- "Other times though, it's like, like, uh, it gets really fucked up. Like, I'll have white pupils, sometimes minimal or even no iris, in one, or even both eyes." Wade explained, then forced a shrug, clenching his jaw afterward, "Probably has something to do with all the fucking cancer."
Peter was a little wide eyed, picturing it, and then he nodded. It'd be kind of halloweeny he supposed, but otherwise, so what?
"Alright, but it obviously doesn't stay that way?" he asked the obvious, meeting Wade's eyes for the brief moment when the merc glanced at him. Wade shook his head...and didn't elaborate, making Peter suspicious, "How do you get it back to normal?" and even though he asked, he suspected he already knew because Wade had said it was caused by head injury. Wade basically confirmed the answer was what he suspected, when he put his face in his hands and leaned his elbows on his knees. Yeah, so, Wade probably had to reinjure his head, that is, probably kill or almost kill himself to fix it.
Peter asked anyway,
"Cause is also the fix?" voice quiet, sad.
Wade nodded into his hands.
Okay. That really sucked. But it could be avoided, as long as Wade didn't get any head injuries. Better anyway, that he didn't get hurt badly enough for that to happen, better if he didn't get any bad injuries period.
Peter wanted to say that, but he also didn't want to start doling out a lecture or trying to tell Wade what he should or shouldn't do, even if the merc had just said he'd do whatever Peter said, he knew it would be wrong to actually try to use that. He knew it. But if Wade was even half serious about what he'd said, then maybe he could make it work for both of them in certain situations. Not to be taking advantage of Wade's compliance, but rather opening up communication between them.
So he tried starting with,
"You said whatever I want." and he expected Wade to tense up, or to give some kind of negative reaction to him saying those words, seemingly ready to use them against him. But Wade just nodded in a very acquiescing and defeated way. It kind of upset Peter, but he just went ahead and said, "Then I want you to try not to get head injuries, like, just try . And if it does happen, your eyes I mean, maybe," he leaned forward a bit, tilting his head to try and catch Wade's gaze, "maybe don't hide it from me?"
Wade groaned into his hands, his broad shoulders sagging, and Peter frowned, stomach tensing up. Damn, why was it so hard to say the righ-
"You're way too good, Peter." Wade said, derailing Peter's concerns entirely.
Peter felt relieved and he breathed out,
"Not too unreasonable?" smiling a bit afterward, swallowing tensely, fighting off a swell of anxious emotion that had nearly rushed up on him.
"Are you fucking kidding me? You're a fucking angel." Wade was still talking into his hands, his voice noticeably strained.
Peter was really relieved by that, and he was also glad they were talking, he really was, but he also felt like he could really use a break from all the tension and crying and anxiety. Hadn't it been it enough already? He knew he was sick of it.
Uncrossing and drawing his legs up, so he could hook his arms around his knees again, Peter put one hand in his hair, ruffling it and then holding the side of his head. All the tension that had built up was giving him a headache, and he was ready to table the conversation for the time being, but he recalled Wade had also wanted to say something, and Peter didn't want to leave anything unsaid, there was no more room for putting anything off.
He was once again looking at Wade, waiting to see if Wade would pick up the conversation or if he needed prompting. Looking at the merc though, he couldn't help thinking of how the shirt, despite being so silly on him, clung so tightly to his defined upper body. His really defined, fit, muscular upper body. The pants too, man, Wade's thighs were way too big for those pants, the material was straining, the fibers of the thin cotton pulled a stretched white...
So much had happened right after the night they'd had sex that Peter hadn't really had the chance, or the pleasure, of thinking much about the details of being with Wade. Hadn't had a chance to think about the man's naked body. But now that the fog of anger and pain and hurt was lifting more and more, he was remembering .
Looking at Wade's form as the man sat there, so close after being away for so long, and sitting together on that very bed, Peter was recalling how it'd felt to have Wade's large body between his legs. Peter knew he was strong and flexible, so it hadn't been difficult to have to accommodate Wade's weight above him, or to spread his legs to accommodate the width of the merc's hips, but it had still been a new feeling to have Wade on top of him, and it'd been interesting and stimulating in new ways to feel Wade's scarred naked skin against his own. And Wade...being inside him. Peter pursed his lips, remembering how that hadn't hurt either, but it had been a whole new sensation and physical accommodation to make, and Peter had been thinking about it for a while before it happened, but he hadn't taken much time to think of the feeling of Wade actually being inside him sinc-
Wait, wait! Ugh! Nonono. Peter pursed his lips and shut his eyes, squeezing a handful of his hair, grateful that Wade wasn't looking at him right then because his face felt hot. His damn hormones were such a crapshow! It was definitely not the time to be thinking about sex! Things were still off somehow, and after the embarrassing silence Wade had left hanging between them after the blowjob fantasy comment the night before, Peter was like, ninety percent certain it was something on Wade's side. And he didn't want Wade to think he wasn't taking things seriously, being so horny out of nowhere. No. They needed to get back on the same page first. So, taking in a deep, quiet breath, Peter released his hand from his hair and decided to prompt conversation himself in order to distract himself,
"Uh, so," he cleared his throat, "what were you going to say before?"
Wade was still for a beat, and then he sat up straighter and removed his hands from his face, turning to look at him directly,
"Oh yeah, I wanted to know if it was blue energy guy who- uh," the older super glanced over him with concerned guilt, "who you were fighting yesterday." and Peter had to glance down at himself to belatedly realize Wade was looking at his various visible bruises. He was pretty used to getting bruised up in fights with non-normal villains and monsters after so many incidences over the years, so usually, if he wasn't straining an injury, Peter often forgot he had any. Wade asking reminded him of how he'd looked in the bathroom mirror the night before, and suddenly the big bruise on his side registered as aching dully, just because he remembered it was there. He had the split-second thought that he and Wade had a similar disregard for their injuries, when his train of thought redirected to the fact that Wade didn't seem to know anything about blue energy guy being taken into X-Men custody.
He supposed it made sense that Wade didn't know though, he obviously hadn't been keeping up to date or keeping in contact with anyone after he'd gone into whatever dead zone he'd found.
"Uh, no actually. The X-Men handled it already." Peter answered with a shake of his head, absently tucking an arm across his abdomen to lightly cradle his bruised side. "Thanks for that, by the way." he added, genuinely grateful for Wade having helped out.
Wade had turned his head away again, back to avoiding eye contact,
"It's no thanks to me, Pete. I just asked Dom to sort it out. I should probably thank her for following through."
Peter just blinked and nodded, and then shrugged, not really knowing what to say to that. But talking about Dom reminded him of his interaction with her, and with the other moody X-Men woman, which made him think about his unpleasant phone conversation with Weasel. And all that reminded him that he still didn't really know much of anything about Wade's life...
He was still looking at Wade's side profile, presently wondering if Wade would be around for the day so they could talk some more, spend time together, try to work out whatever was making things weird between them, and his eyes settled on a redder patch of sunken skin over Wade's cheekbone when he asked,
"Do you have anything to do today?" chewing the inside of his lip and automatically bracing himself for some answer he would not like. But realistically, he could figure that since Wade had been gone for weeks, he probably had a crap ton of stuff to sort out now that he was back.
Despite that, Peter couldn't help wondering if it'd be okay for him to ask Wade to just drop whatever he had to do to just spend the day with h-
"Yeah, I have a lot to do." Wade said, and Peter's stomach dropped immediately, jaw clenching, "I have to clean up the fucking mess I caused all over your apartment for one thing." Wade answered and Peter blinked, "Then I have to spend the rest of the day, maybe the next few weeks or months even, finding ways to make up for all my super shit behaviour." he added, and Peter's jaw relaxed slowly as he stared at Wade's side profile, sudden tension draining away, "I should probably figure out getting a change of clothes too. Maybe I can buy some stuff online." he glanced down at himself and shook his head before glancing at the bathroom, "I'm not sure that suit is salvageable."
"It really isn't." Peter commented, a small smile forming on his face, chest feeling light at knowing Wade intended to stick around!
"That bad huh?" Wade looked at him, expression amused and sheepish.
"You should burn it, and bury the ashes." Peter said honestly, recalling the state, and smell, of the suit.
Wade snorted and smiled and Peter stared at his smile, smiling more himself. It was a great smile.
"Still need a change of clothes." Wade said, then he shifted his sitting position a bit obviously and added, "Cute as these pants are, just sitting like this is threatening to give me testicular torsion."
It was Peter's turn to snort. Honestly, the things Wade said sometimes were ridiculous and baffling, but Peter still managed to feel sympathy for whatever the tightness of the pants were doing to his scrotum.
It sucked to suggest it, but Peter wanted to be reasonable and he didn't want to make Wade feel obligated to stick around, also it was literally the simplest solution in the end.
His smile faded anyway, and he lowered his gaze to the bed when he said,
"I guess you have to go home and change or whatever." wherever home even was for Wade after the last time, Peter had no idea. The place Weasel had mentioned probably. Peter though, still affected by Wade's previous disappearances, couldn't help wondering if maybe Wade had indirectly tried to drop the fact that he had to leave to go home, and he also wondered whether he would need to wheedle Wade's latest address out of hi-
"You wanna' come with?"
Peter blinked as he looked up in surprise at Wade, who was looking at him with his brow raised. Wade had sounded like he wasn't sure he should ask, but Peter was relieved , and he felt happy , and he honestly hadn't expected Wade to suggest that and it threw him, but in a good way!
"Yeah," he nodded, dropping his legs easily back into sitting crisscrossed, hands settling on his knees as he smiled again, "yeah, I wanna', uh, I'll come with." there was always the chance that something major would happen and Spider-Man duties would get in the way, but for right then he had nothing else important to do besides focusing on his relationship with Wade, so that's what he intended to do.
Wade in turn also seemed relieved that he wanted to go with, so at least it seemed like he really wanted Peter to stay with him for the day. He wasn't just trying to go off again. So, yeah, it seemed they still had a ways to go before things could smooth out between them, that was for sure. They'd lost some ground in terms of communication and comfort levels, but Peter was confident they would recover.
He really wanted to recover, he really wanted to return to their previous dynamic and improve on-
Wade abruptly clapped his hands, both fully operational again, and rubbed them together,
"But first, I'ma clean up the mess I made last night. Max-"
"Maximum effort." Peter finished for him, and he grinned when Wade looked at him, wide brown eyes full of adoration.
Then Wade grinned as well,
"Maximum Effort, baby."
It really did take maximum effort, and about three and a half hours, to get everything done.
It also took some persistent insisting to get Wade to let him help, but in the end they did it together and Peter learned some interesting new tips for getting blood off of surfaces and out of material.
After they'd cleaned up the apartment, the kitchen included, it took another hour or so for Wade to get his damaged suit and mask as clean as possible, and at least mostly dry, so he could wear it to go out. It was fortunate that Peter owned a lot of duct tape due to his mechanical tinkering hobby, so they were able to patch the suit up temporarily. As for getting it dry? Peter's neighbor had looked at him oddly, especially at his messy dry hair, when he'd gone over and asked to borrow a hair dryer, but thankfully, she hadn't asked any questions, and they'd used the hair dryer to dry the suit.
Peter would be lying to say he hadn't kind of enjoyed it though, helping Wade patch up his suit to make it passably wearable. There'd been times that he'd had to hand wash and dry his own suits when circumstances had been less than great after a fight, whether it was about location or time. And doing it with Wade kind of reminded him of the fact that they had the super suit thing in common, which was awesome. It made him feel closer to Wade.
It was almost 2.30 PM when they finally left the apartment
They'd taken some additional time to clean themselves up to go out, neither of them showering again, but both doing a quick wash up. Peter had even managed to find Wade a still sealed cheapy spare toothbrush he didn't even remember buying, and after they'd cleaned up, they'd gotten dressed, Peter in civvies and Wade into his patched up suit, and they'd headed out.
Peter left via the door, but Wade opted to go through the window because of his suit and wanting to avoid neighbors seeing him. He'd seemed annoyed at himself for having possibly been seen the night before as it was. Peter for his part, found it really significant that the merc was trying to stay aware and careful of keeping his Spider-Man identity a secret. That was just another thing that Peter really like about being with someone who could understand and be considerate of the super side of his life.
After so many weeks of feeling so crappy, Peter was actually feeling good, feeling positive, because despite the lingering weirdness in certain too intense personal moments, everything else seemed fine between himself and Wade. And maybe he was foolish for being so optimistic, but Peter wanted to feel that way, so he let himself.
Presently though, after having walked a block down from his apartment to the place where Wade had said he'd wait for him, they were standing more or less in the opening of a space between two buildings, just so they weren't too out in the open as they waited for the e-hailing taxi Peter had requested. And it was while they were standing and waiting that Peter noticed Wade seemed to be making a point of not standing too close to him.
Trying not to kill his optimistic buzz, Peter told himself it was probably because of the whole 'not being too closely affiliated with Deadpool' thing Wade had mentioned when he'd chosen to go out of the window earlier. And if that was the case, he appreciated it, he really did, but after the last few weeks and the night before, Peter was kind of really craving closeness and physical contact.
He didn't try for it though, instead he stayed at the distance Wade had put between them, listening with amused confusion as Wade talked about how some actor named Michael Keaton, who Peter had never heard of, was apparently still the best Batman in the film franchise, of which Peter had also never heard.
"Honestly though, he played the Vulture really well, too."
Peter frowned at hearing the mention of Vulture,
"What?"
Wade looked at him then, his usually animated mask eyes flat and unmoving in that eerie way Peter was really starting to dislike. Peter was curious about what Wade had mentioned though, and he was expecting an answer, but he didn't get one, because Wade abruptly turned his head to the street, mask eyes animating again as he pointed and said,
"Cab's hear! Let's go, Petey."
Peter turned his head to look, indeed seeing the cab pull up and then he followed after Wade, who was already walking out onto the curb. And he was honestly baffled about Wade's comment, like most of the random nonsense Wade sometimes said, but he just filed it away in his memory, figuring at some point he'd address it. It wasn't like it was important, or at least he didn't think any of it was.
Wade had opened the back passenger door and he was holding it, clearly for him, so Peter quickly got in and as Wade closed the door after him, he blushed a bit, wanting to smile like an idiot. He was able to keep his smile in check at least, but the blushing he couldn't really control. Wade got in on the other side a moment later, and after shutting the door he told the cabbie an address located in midtown Manhattan.
About a minute into the drive, feeling awkward about how the cab driver kept glancing at him and Wade via the rearview mirror, Peter decided to break the silence,
"You have another place in Manhattan?" he asked, thinking maybe he could use the opportunity for conversation to learn more about Wade. The merc had been staring straight ahead, idly tapping his fingers on his knee to the soft radio music playing, but he immediately turned to look at Peter and nodded,
"Yeah, yeah, actually I have more than one place in Manhattan." he answered quite straightforwardly, making Peter –and the nosy cabbie- raise their eyebrows, because it didn't matter where in Manhattan it was, it was probably expensive to live there.
And even though he knew Wade had money, it was still surprising.
"Oh, that," sounded costly, "that's cool." then Peter frowned, "So, is it like, just because of..." he trailed off, glanced via the mirror at the cab driver, who quickly looked away. And Peter pursed his lips, wanting to laugh, but he managed not to when he looked back at Wade, "because of like what happened at your other place?"
Wade had also noticed the nosy cabbie, but his masked expression didn't reveal whether he was annoyed or unbothered by it, but he answered in the same vague way Peter had asked,
"Not only because of that. Also, in case I need a place urgently."
"So, it's...strategic."
"Yeah. Strategic-ish."
"Ah, okay."
"..."
"Not just in New York?"
"Nope."
"Not just in the states?"
"...nope."
"Oh, okay." and maybe it was something in his tone that gave away the fact that he found Wade's abundance of living places disconcerting, that it was making him feel uneasy, because without prompting, the older super added,
"But I always choose one main apartment to actually live in permanently, always in New York." and Peter nodded, because he assumed that's what Wade's recently destroyed apartment had been, "But I can give you a list of every place I have if you want, babe." Peter and the cabbie both raised their eyebrows again, "I'll get the list from Weasel, and I'll give it to you." Wade decided for himself.
Peter didn't really know what to say to that, but he did know that he...actually did kind of want that list. Was that weird? That he wanted the list of all the places he could possibly find Wade? Was it too much, too early? Or was that just too possessive?
He didn't know, but he found himself saying,
"Yeah, okay." and Wade just nodded, no hesitation, which made Peter's stomach do a floaty thing, but despite that offer and despite how much he did want it, there was something else more important he wanted, "But I'd actually rather have a way of contacting you, like, if you lose your phone or something." because that seemed more likely to be an issue with the way Wade usually went through phones.
Wade did seem to hesitate then, Peter watched his mask's eyes narrow slightly as he looked to the side, out of the window, but before Peter could assume it was for a negative reason, Wade said,
"It'd be more reliable for me to have a way of getting messages to you even if I lose my phone." which, okay, that did make sense, "But I don't know if you'd be okay with how that would work." the merc made a skeptical face, fingers still tapping on his thigh, albeit out of tune and a little more firmly.
Peter fidgeted as well, glancing at the rearview mirror, then out of the window and then back to Wade before he asked,
"How, uh, like, how would it work?" he braced himself for it to be something bad.
"I'd have to introduce you to Weasel." Wade said with a grimace expressed clearly on his mask, and Peter decided that, yeah, that was actually worse than bad. He'd only had one single conversation with Weasel and he was quite sure he didn't like the guy at all. Was that really the only way?
"You mean you still have contact with him, with Weasel, even when you don't have a phone?" Peter asked, an eyebrow hiked up. He couldn't deny he was a little curious to know more about how Wade operated.
Who was he kidding, he was curious to know everything about Wade.
"Yeah. Weas has a setup for that kind of thing." he kept the conversation vague, glancing from forward facing to Peter as he talked, "So if I lose my phone, I'd have to contact him through that one specific way and he'd have to pass a message on to you." Wade added, then lowered his voice a bit, "But it'd have to be you-you, not..." with his hand low enough to not be seen by the cabbie, he mimicked the web hand motion Peter used when he shot webs.
Peter nodded, understanding that Wade was saying Weasel, who was a mercenary handler and criminal of possibly many other variations, would have to be introduced to him, as himself; the ordinary, law-abiding citizen, Peter Parker,
"I get it." he said, and he did, because he'd already known he'd be facing some issues and complications being Peter Parker dating a mercenary, so, "I'm okay with that."
If Wade was surprised by his decision, it didn't show on his mask.
The older super just nodded, still grimacing as he said,
"Okay, yeah, then we'll do that, I'll set that up." and his tone was a bit tense.
Peter knew it was probable that Wade was the one who was not okay with it, especially since the man seemed to want to keep both his real identity and his superhero identity separate from his merc life. Introducing Peter Parker to Weasel would be the start of making their relationship officially known, which in Wade's line of work, would definitely be risky for a regular civilian partner.
Peter had previously thought Wade had been trying to avoid him getting too personally close, but now, with his head clearer and the communication barriers slowly but surely coming down, he realized it probably had more to do with Wade wanting to keep him out of the criminal side of his life. And since he didn't want Wade doing anything he was uncomfortable with, since that wouldn't be fair, Peter felt it was necessary to ask,
"Is it okay with you?"
Wade was staring ahead again and he did so for a few seconds longer before shrugging slightly, but his shrug contradicted the quiet intensity of his voice,
"I don't actually want Weasel anywhere near you. I don't want anything in my shitty, messed up life, anywhere near you, but..." he trailed off as the cab slowed and pulled up along the curb outside an apartment building.
Peter, and probably the cabbie too, were both waiting for Wade to finish his sentence, but when Wade didn't move and also didn't continue speaking, Peter prompted him,
"But?"
The merc took in a breath then, the inhale breaking the eerie stillness that had settled over him,
"But I don't want to keep anything from you anymore." Peter's heart rate picked up, his stomach doing the floaty thing again, "So whatever you want, if I can make it happen, I will." Wade finished and Peter smiled, pursed his lips, feeling quite happy with that.
He couldn't think of anything to say though, and he also didn't want to risk meeting the cabbie's eyes in the rearview mirror, not while his face was hot from blushing again, so he said nothing.
The cabbie broke the silence for them, saying,
"Your ride is $19 and 66 cents." and he sounded a little too chipper.
Well, at least he wasn't homophobic. Peter doubted Wade would have ignored a nosy cabbie looking back at them with disgust.
Peter shifted and reached into his jeans pocket for his wallet, and only after he'd pulled out a $20 bill, did he notice Wade was opening one of his damaged pouches on his still damp weapons belt. Peter leaned forward to hand the twenty bucks to the driver, but he was side eyeing Wade, who was looking into another less damaged pouch on his belt.
And it was a second later, when the driver had just taken the money that Wade said,
"Hah!" loudly, and then he looked up at the driver with narrowed mask eyes and unfolded two rather soggy $50 bills, holding them up for the driver to see, saying, "All yours." before proffering the notes to the driver with one hand and making grabby fingers with his other for the twenty. Peter was frowning, but feeling somewhat amused, as he watched the driver barely hesitate before taking the fifties and giving Wade the twenty. And then he blinked, but didn't say anything, as Wade folded the twenty and slipped it into the breast pocket of his plaid overshirt, while the driver gave the wet money notes a quick inspection.
Wade moved then to get out of the cab, just as the driver said a loud thanks to him. The merc ignored the man, shutting the door on his words, but Peter, feeling bad for the driver, spared him an apologetic smile and said thanks before he opened his door and got out as well. He also closed the door much more gently than Wade had, and then he walked around the car to go to where Wade was waiting for him on the sidewalk. The cab pulled away as they started walking toward the building entrance, Peter walking beside Wade, but actually also kind of following him since he didn't know where they were going.
As they walked inside, he took notice that the apartment building wasn't as fancy as Wade's previous one, and he wondered if that meant Wade would eventually choose a different place to live for his 'main' apartment. It was still a nice place though. It still had an elevator and a reception and nice clean foyer tiles. When they passed reception on the way toward the elevators, he watched Wade give the guy at reception a wiggly fingered wave, the man likewise acknowledging Wade with a head movement. Seeing that exchange made Peter wonder whether Wade, as Deadpool, was always known to the people in the places he lived. That was interesting to Peter, who couldn't imagine his neighbours knowing he was Spider-Man. Also, the little snippets he was seeing of Wade's behavior felt like more insight into the differences of Wade's life when the man was on his own.
Wade jabbed a gloved thumb into the elevator button as soon as they arrived at the doors, and it wasn't long before the elevator came down. After they got into the elevator, which was luckily empty, the doors slid closed and Wade pressed the button for the eighth floor, and then silence fell between them. Peter wasn't really feeling the silence though, the weird tension was getting to him. And he was thinking about saying something, anything, just to make conversation, but when he glanced at Wade, he again noticed how the man was keeping a certain amount of distance between them. As it was, Wade was standing out of reach and he had his hands folded in front of himself, one hand holding his other wrist. And while before, out in the open and back at his own place, it may have been about wanting to protect Peter Parker from being affiliated with Deadpool. But there, in a different apartment building and empty elevator where no one could see them, or would even notice or care who Peter was if they were seen together, he couldn't help thinking there was something else making Wade keep his distance. And it was making Peter feel tense again, and worried, wondering if maybe Wade was avoiding being close to him.
As they ascended in silence, Peter tried to puzzle out why or what it could be, and the more he thought about it, the more it occurred to him that Wade had actually been avoiding touching him all morning . Holding his hand off the side of the bed was the most physical contact Wade had made with him so far that day, and it had been done with such caut-
His phone started buzzing in his pocket and Peter huffed a sigh of irritation, because he somehow just knew it was going to be Sam Wilson. When he'd last checked his phone, while requesting the cab earlier, there'd been three missed calls and another text from the man saying that they 'needed to talk about Deadpool'. Peter had cleared all the notifications and put his phone on vibrate. It was still vibrating right then, but Peter was going to keep ignoring it.
"Someone bothering you?" Wade asked, obviously hearing the vibration of his phone in his pocket and probably having noticed his annoyed expression. Peter shrugged,
"Avengers stuff." and it was, well, okay...it was a lie, and he swallowed tensely right after he said it because he wasn't supposed to be lying! Wade was continually being all honest and there he went, ly-
"I guess even the Avengers get annoyed with each other." Wade jested, but it wasn't a joke to Peter, who said quite seriously,
"You have no idea."
The elevator arrived at the eighth floor at that moment and the doors slid open to reveal an empty corridor. As they stepped out Wade started saying,
"I guess that makes sense, wouldn't have had that Civil War story arc otherwise." and okay, whatever that meant? Peter frowned at the comment, but his conscience was getting to him more than Wade's strange comment could distract him, and as they walked down the corridor he had to admit,
"It's about you, actually." no more secrets, no lies.
"Oh yeah? They finally find out Spider-Man knows Deadpool?" the merc asked, tone totally unbothered and neutral, if slightly amused, and Peter was surprised. He'd expected at least some kind of negative reaction, but Wade didn't seem to care, "Are they giving you a hard time about it?" he asked then, mask expressing some guilt as they stopped outside of an apartment door.
Feeling relieved at Wade's lack of negative response, Peter smiled and shook his head,
"I haven't given them a chance to." and just then, because of standing in front of the door, he noticed they were finally closer. So Peter took the opportunity to be bold, and he reached out, slipping his hand into Wade's, the warm leather feeling scuffed and damaged against his skin, "I'm not interested in hearing any negative stuff they have to say about you." he added, for the purpose of being honest and also kind of awkwardly romantic.
Wade just stared down at him, mask expression not really showing what he was thinking, not until eventually the merc squeezed his hand lightly and his mask's eyes crinkled, expressing that he was smiling when he said,
"There's nothing they could tell you that I'm not willing to tell you myself, Baby Boy." Wade reached for the handle and opened the, apparently unlocked, door, "You only need to ask, for you, I'm an open boo-" he cut himself off as he pushed the door in, because the first noticeable thing from inside was the loud sound of a television being on. And when Peter followed Wade's gaze to look inside, he saw, there on the sofa, sitting with a pizza box open between them as they watched TV, were Weasel and Dopinder.
There was a moment where they all just stared at each other as the television filled the silence with something that sounded like a soap opera. And then almost at exactly the same time, Weasel and Dopinder's eyes dropped down to look at where he and Wade were holding hands.
And really, Peter didn't give a crap about Weasel, but Dopinder? Yeah, he was worried about Dopinder, because he had no idea if Dopinder remembered his face from all those years ago, if Dopinder would know who he was. And if he did, then right then he was witnessing Spider-Man and Deadpool holding hands and he'd know that they wer-
"This is not what it looks like." Weasel said out of nowhere as he moved to stand up, abruptly and with no grace whatsoever, the TV remote almost falling out of his hands as he used it to mute the TV. And Peter was just wondering why he'd said that, when he noticed that Weasel was looking at Wade very warily from behind his spectacles. Peter turned his head then to look at Wade, who was staring at Weasel with one mask eye narrowed, his head tilting slightly to the side, as if asking a question without words. And Weasel answered quickly, admitting, "Okay, it is what it looks like." making Peter frown as he looked back to the bespectacled man, because, what did it look li- "I don't want to stay at my shitty apartment anymore, so I've been living in this safehouse since you left me here by myself that time and have barely been here since then."
Oh. Oooh. Peter raised his eyebrows in realization, remembering Weasel having said something similar to that on the phone before when they'd spoken.
There was a tense silence that followed the admission, and Peter's spider sense did a weird series of false starts with regards to Wade, while Weasel started to look more and more nervous the longer the silence dragged on. It was Dopinder though, who shattered the tension, saying,
"You must be Peter!" and sounding so dramatically happy about it as he walked between a small table and around another sofa in order to approach them, wearing a weird sort of emotional smile, "Weasel and Dom told me that DP had found love again-"
"Uh, that's not verbatim." Weasel interjected flatly.
"-and I couldn't believe it," Dopinder glanced at Wade, "quite literally." and Peter had to keep his face from showing how much that comment annoyed him. "But now I see that it's true," he glanced at their hands, all round eyed before giving Peter a pointed look, "and I am absolutely happy for the two of you." Peter blinked at that rather aware look, not knowing what to make of it, and then Dopinder added, "Haippee sagaee bhagavaan aapako hamesha aasheervaad de." and then Peter was just confused.
He was still maintaining his smile though, but it faltered to a frown when Wade, with his mask eyes still narrowed and his voice patiently kind, said,
"We're not engaged, Dopinder."
Peter was left both embarrassed and shocked then, and he started blushing against his will, because had Dopinder really just said something about them being engaged? But his eyes had widened from shock, and he looked up at the merc, surprised that Wade understood that. That had been Hindi, Peter was pretty sure! Did Wade understand Hindi?
Dopinder was smiling at Wade, totally unafraid of Wade's intimidating demeanor as he said,
"I'm putting positive and encouraging vibes in the air, Pool. I want for you and Peter to have a very prosperous future and to forever be deeply in lo-hmmm." Wade put his free hand over the entire lower half of Dopinder's face, leaving only Dopinder's big round eyes blinking at them. Peter allowed himself to relax though, because his spider sense was totally calm, which meant Wade intended Dopinder no harm. The merc did want him to shut up though, and Peter seconded that motion wholeheartedly. He really wanted his ears to cool down, dammit.
Dopinder was still smiling under Wade's hand as the merc said,
"Thank you, Dopinder." in that same patiently kind way, and then Peter was left confused again when Wade added, "Now, chup rahana."
Dopinder nodded enthusiastically, even with Wade's hand still on his face and then, as Wade gently dragged his fingers away from Dopinder's face, Weasel was nodding and he said,
" Namaste. " with a stupid smirk on his face, which made all three of them look at him with varying expressions of 'what the hell'.
Peter knew what 'namaste' meant, and he could easily assume that it was the only Hindi associated word Weasel knew, and he'd just decided to say it.
"Well," Wade broke the silence then, still holding onto Peter's hand and giving it a small squeeze, "this has been eventful. It's like I'm living in a sitcom." he didn't sound pleased about it at all.
Weasel nodded, saying,
"Seinfeld." while Dopinder very happily said, "Friends." at almost the same time.
Wade and Weasel both looked at him then, with twin looks of something Peter couldn't read, but he watched in fascination as Dopinder seemed to understand what the looks meant, the poor guy shrugging and saying defeatedly, "No one said fantasies have to be realistic."
Wade extended his free hand again and patted Dopinder's shoulder,
"You still have ten year old Kristen Dunst."
Dopinder nodded but corrected,
"Kirsten." and Weasel said,
"There is nothing about that exchange I want to know more about."
Peter just looked between them all with blinks of curiosity, the only thing keeping him from feeling lost and left out being Wade's hand firmly holding his own. Being with Wade around his 'friends', seeing them interact, was pretty strange but eye opening as well. Speaking of, Wade was glaring at Weasel again, who seemed to take that as his cue to leave. The tall, scraggly blonde first leaned over, set the remote down, then closed the pizza box and picked it up, before saying,
"Yeah, so we'll just get go-"
"Nahnahnah." Wade said quickly, raising a hand and stalling a very wary Weasel, "You don't have to leave, because I don't plan to stay." and while that comment confused Weasel and surprised Dopinder, it made Peter purse his lips on a smile, because that meant Wade intended to stay with him . He didn't care about his safehouse, because he was going to be staying with Peter!
Despite his wariness of Wade, Weasel asked,
"Do you mean, like, forever?" his tone just a little hopeful.
Wade went still then, just staring at Weasel, and Dopinder looked sort of like he was curious about what would happen as he glanced between Weasel and Wade, just as Peter was doing. It was a good thirty seconds before Wade's mask expressed exasperation and he narrowed his eyes at Weasel, saying,
"Why the fuck not." and Weasel and Dopinder once again looked surprised, "Stay here, Weas. Your apartment is a shit hole anyway." Wade added and Peter just kept his lips pursed, tried to keep his expression neutral, not wanting to smile too obviously about Wade being so nice , "I'm just gonna' get the shit I need and leave." Wade informed them, but no one moved, and both of them were still staring at him, so Wade said, "As you fucking were." and Peter held back a snort as they both immediately looked away, Weasel nodding and muttering 'nice' as he flopped to sit back down again, and Dopinder smiling and shifting awkwardly where he stood.
Wade eyed them dubiously one final time before turning to him,
"It'll just take me a few minutes to grab some stuff, that okay?"
Peter just nodded agreeably as Wade squeezed his hand again and he squeezed back, and then Wade let go and did a cartoonish glance at all of them, before gesturing with his hands while saying,
"Weasel and Dopinder, Peter. Peter, Weasel and Dopinder."
They all exchanged glances then, which were not familiar, but also not unfamiliar and it made the atmosphere very weird, even Wade's masked expression became unreadable. But no one commented, and so Wade just turned and walked further into the apartment, crossing the living room and disappearing out of sight around the corner of an open doorway.
And Peter supposed he could have followed...but he didn't.
He just stood there and exchanged a few more glances with Weasel and Dopinder, until he and Weasel just kind of ended up staring at each other, Weasel's eyes slowly narrowing, like maybe he was noticing Peter's bruises. Then the man shot a quick glance at Dopinder, who was looking at Peter, before he looked away again to the pizza box on his lap and flipped it open, saying,
"Nice to meet you, Peter." in a voice that was a little sarcastic, taking out a slice of pizza.
"Yeah, you too." Peter returned, in a similar voice, stuffing his hands into his jeans pockets so that he didn't fidget. It seemed they were going to pretend that the phone call never happened? Well too bad for Weasel, Peter was going to tell Wade about it, at some point.
"Yes, very nice to meet you, Peter." Dopinder said then, in an unreadable, yet very happy voice that was suspicious in a whole different way. Even Weasel frowned, chewing slowly on a mouthful of pizza.
Peter just managed a somewhat nervous smile,
"Thanks, man, you too."
There was no way Dopinder didn't know . Peter was sure of it. Crap.
Some awkward silence followed, Weasel sitting and eating while Dopinder and Peter stood a few feet apart, trying not to look at each other.
Then Weasel offered,
"You want some pizza?"
"Or a soda?" Dopinder followed up quickly, "There is Coke, Diet Coke, Mountain Dew and 7UP."
"As it so happens, we also have alcohol." Weasel added, voice deadpan. Dopinder glanced from Weasel to him, and then nodded again, still smiling. Peter made a 'what the?' face, partially frowning, and then shook his head, managing another awkward smile,
"Uh, no, thanks, uh," he felt his phone vibrating again, right against his hand, "thanks, though." he added pointlessly, while Dopinder and Weasel glanced at his vibrating pocket. No one addressed it though, it just vibrated a few times until it stopped.
Then Weasel asked,
"Do you like Golden Girls?" and Dopinder got this look on his face, like he thought it was an important question. Peter, confused, opened his mouth to ask what and why, when the sound of a song started playing from inside the apartment.
The sound of familiar guitar notes filtered into the lounge, followed by the whispered lyric of 'Let me be your hero' and Peter just about lit on fire for how quickly his entire body blushed. He'd forgotten that he'd sent that song link to Wade! He'd forgotten about Wade's phone completely!
'Oh God, the voice messa-'
"Iffaht Enfrikeh Eglayshish?" Weasel asked around a mouthful of pizza and Dopinder was nodding,
"Yes, a beautiful song about one being willing to die for a lover, it was a big hit-"
Peter was already across the lounge and walking into the very short corridor which led to three different doorways. He passed a small kitchen, and then a closed door, which had a questionable red hand shaped smear on the edge near the door handle, and he walked straight into the room from which the music was coming.
*It was the bedroom, and Wade was standing across it on the other side of a double bed. On the bed was an open, half-filled, duffle bag, and in his hand was his phone, which Wade was holding quite carefully as he stood very still, staring at it with wide masked eyes. He looked up though, when Peter took a few more steps in, and they stared at each other then. Peter was breathing a little heavier in nervous shock, and he could feel how much he was blushing, skin prickling with it. It didn't help that Wade's masked expression was quite blank, aside from the eyes being wide. And Peter was lowkey freaking out because it was such a feels heavy song and things were still weird between them in the feels department, and Peter really just didn't want to start stressing about it all over again, so he just let his shoulders go slack and he sighed out,
"I just..." but he didn't actually know what to say, and his throat started to feel tight.
Then Wade asked,
"Can I kiss you?" and Peter felt his eyes get wet, his heart rate speeding up as he broke into a smile,
"You don't ever have to ask me that, Wade."
Wade tossed his phone on the bed and was coming around the foot toward Peter very quickly, hastily untucking and folding up his mask. Peter's heart was already racing as he let himself be backed up against the wall behind him when Wade stepped right up close to him, his hands joining Wade's in pushing and folding the mask up. It was barely over Wade's nose, their hands and fingers still in the way, when Wade leaned in and kissed him heatedly, with a wide suck and a deep inhale. Peter's breath hitched as he opened his mouth for Wade to lick his way inside, the merc kissing him intensely and Peter returning it enthusiastically, letting his head tip back as Wade pressed him against the wall, the merc's arms slipping around him, encircling his waist.
Peter wrapped his arms around Wade's neck as the kiss fell into a slow, deep rhythm. Peter had been craving Wade's kiss for weeks and he quickly got totally caught up in it, even pushing up onto his toes and trying to pace his breathing through his nose so their mouths barely had to separate. And he was digging his nails into the rough spandex and duct tape on Wade's shoulders, and then sliding his hands to hold Wade's face when the kiss became more aggressive, but only for a brief few seconds before it ended with an audible smack, both of them drawing back just enough to breathe, breaths hot and shared. Peter kept his eyes closed, thumbs lightly shifting against Wade's ears, his heart racing, his body hot and tingling.
Wow, he'd really missed Wade.
They didn't move away from one another, and after a moment, when Wade asked,
"Any chance you'd wanna' stay with me for a coupla' days?" Peter felt each breathy, gruffly spoken word against his lips, "I've got a big place in Upper East Side, it's not fancy or done up, it's an unfinished, not much furniture, a warehouse apartment sorta' place that I've never used before. But it's not too far from your apartment, so you can still do your thing." Peter was already nodding, "It should be fairly clean too, probably dusty and stale because I haven't ever stayed there, but not dirty." Wade went on, "And I think you'll like the high ceiliihmmm-" Peter pulled Wade in for another kiss, still nodding a few times until they eased back into a new kissing rhythm.
Wade was annoyed .
He wanted nothing more than to be completely alone with Peter right then, to keep kissing Peter, especially since he'd been feeling unsure about touch and closeness after everything that had happened the night before, and despite the morning going well. And presently, for the first time after hours of not knowing whether things between him and Peter were really okay, not knowing whether he could touch and kiss Peter freely, his Baby Boy had said he never had to ask and it finally felt like things were okay again.
The tension that had built up, that Wade had been feeling in his chest for weeks, was finally releasing with each heated, hungry returned kiss from Peter, the younger super pulling him close and making quiet, hot noises into his mouth, openly showing that he still wanted Wade to touch him, to be physically close to him. Even after the absence and the blood and gore and death. And it was everything Wade had been wanting and missing and needing and pining for in the miserable weeks he'd tried to keep himself away. But he couldn't lose himself in Peter, not with Weasel and Dopinder literally just in the next room over, they-
"They're totally making out right now." Weasel's voice carried through to the room.
And fuck it, the asshole talked so loudly! His obnoxious voice was so fucking audible and of course the kiss stalled then! Who could keep kissing hearing that grating fucking sound!? Wade exhaled slowly in frustration as the kiss ended with their lips still touching, sliding from open to closed on a slow suck, just before Peter's eyes opened at about the same moment he opened his own eyes.
And their breaths were still coming quick and mingling when they heard;
"Yes. I can hear them," Dopinder said more quietly and a bit stiffly, "but I didn't really think it was necessary to point it out." sounding a bit reproving. Even so, his voice was still audible and it was annoying as fuck.
With that, they both drew back from each other, Wade grinding his teeth as he leaned his hands on the wall either side of Peter's head, while Peter huffed out a frustrated but amused sound. Well, at least Peter found it funny, it made Wade feel less furious and violent about the intrusion and interference. Okay, only mildly less furious. He actually really wanted to go to the lounge and throw them out; Weasel out of the window and Dopinder out of the door.
But he calmed himself down the rest of the way by focusing on the feeling of Peter's fingers still caressing the skin of his neck, his jaw and ears, and also with the knowledge that Peter had just agreed to stay with him for a few days. He'd thought of his Upper East safehouse apartment sort of out of nowhere, it was not really suitable for long term living, since it was pretty industrial looking and he mainly used the large space for storage. But it was big and not trashed and pretty clean and it had the basic facilities needed for eating, sleeping and bathing. But, major bonus, it was close to where Peter lived!
It made sense to him to be closer to where Peter lived, since he wanted to accommodate Peter's Spidey gig, and also, they were in a relationship and whatnot.
Dammit, he really fucking wanted to keep kissing Pe-
"Your friends don't really have a good grasp on boundaries, huh?" Peter asked quietly, making a face as Weasel and Dopinder proceeded to talk too loudly about some shit Wade didn't care about.
"Oh, they did," he said tensely, "up until recently." still grinding his teeth.
"What changed?" Peter asked, his hands sliding down to Wade's shoulders and then over his chest before Peter finally ceased touching. Wade let his hands drop off the wall then, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides as he tried to reign in his anger,
"I've been nicer to them." fuck, it was difficult right then to not regret that.
Peter's expression suggested he maybe didn't quite agree with Wade's definition of 'nice', but he also smiled in a way that suggested he had some idea about it that Wade couldn't guess at.
The younger super shrugged his shoulders as he put his hands into his jean's pockets,
"S'good to be nice to your friends."
"It's good to have boundaries."
"You can find a balance."
"I used to have a balance."
Peter snorted and then gave him a gently scolding look,
"You can find a balance that includes being nice ."
Wade took in a deep breath and held in a tortured groan, before letting the breath out, not the groan, and nodding at Peter,
"Right, I remember, words, not guns." fuuuuuck, being a good person was so fucking hard .
But Peter smiling at him right then, so full and beautifully, was enough to strengthen his resolve.
Wade was leaning pretty heavily toward kissing the younger super again, but then Peter glanced at the bed where Wade's bag was and he said,
"I should also pick up some stuff from my place, if I'm gonna' stay over at yours." and he blushed a little about it, while Wade couldn't help grinning and nodding at the thought of them being all alone together for a couple of days. He had a lot of making up to do, and he wanted to be touching Peter as much as possible while he did so.
"Yeah, you should." he agreed, and then his hands found their way right back to Peter's waist to pull him closer, because he was allowed to touch again and he really wanted to. He lowered his voice next when he said, "But you can pack light, baby, you won't need much clothe-" he stopped himself abruptly, realizing that he may still be overstepping. Maybe Peter wasn't keen on having sex again just yet? "I mean, uh, forget I said that." he changed gears with an awkward laugh, and then watched as Peter's playful, pleased smile faded, replaced by confusion.
Wade was confused himself. Was it okay to assume they'd have sex? After he'd 'fucked and ditched' Peter, in Peter's own words. Peter said he never had to ask to kiss him, but that didn't automatically include sex, there was probably still some ground that needed to be made up again. Fuck, he was so con-
"We're gonna' order more takeout!" Weasel shouted from the lounge, "You guys want anything!?"
"Sorry to disturb you!" Dopinder shouted as well, as if apologizing helped.
"Fuck-!" Wade started, but cut himself because Peter said,
"No thanks!" at the same time, and then gave him a more genuine scolding look. Wade narrowed his eyes then, and huffed out through his nose before saying,
"No fucking thank you!" sounding like he wanted to strangle them, but it was the best he could do!
Peter pursed his lips, looking like he wanted to laugh, which made Wade want to laugh too because the whole thing was so dumb and annoying, and then it became more annoying when they heard Weasel not-really-whisper,
"He's so fucking whipped."
Dopinder also spoke, but not quietly enough,
"There is nothing wrong with being considerate of a partner's opinions about one's behavior-"
"Jesus Christ." Weasel, exasperated.
"We should get the fuck out of here, before I lose my temper." Wade suggested to Peter.
Peter nodded, but made an uncertain face,
"I was thinking of going home first, to get stuff, and then I can meet you at your place," Wade was nodding, "but I'm not sure if I should leave you alone with them." he glanced toward the short hallway and then back to Wade, who was still clenching his jaw.
He really didn't want Peter worrying about Weasel and Dopinder, especially not regarding whether he would do violence to them- okay, well, Weasel was a concern, but not Dopinder.
But Peter was Peter, he was pure as fuck and he cared about all people, even people like Weasel.
So, after unclenching his teeth, with some effort Wade said,
"I promise I won't do anything to em' Baby Boy." and it was hard to say, but he meant it. Peter didn't look like he believed him though, so he added, "I swear, I won't even stick around long enough after you leave to let them get to me."
Peter still looked like he thought it sounded dubious, and he wasn't wrong per se, but Wade intended to try not to lose his temper and leave quickly. And maybe Peter understood him enough to realize that, enough to trust him to try, because he nodded and placed his hands on Wade's forearms, squeezing gently,
"Okay, yeah, just leave as soon as you can and I'll meet you at your place," Peter slid his hands up to settle on his upper arms, and Peter's touch, his confidence in him, it made Wade's resolve feel stronger, made him feel like he really could stay calm, if it meant it would make Peter happy and show that his trust was not mispla-, "text me the address?"
"Will do, baby boo." Wade said immediately.
Peter smiled again, Wade returning it before they both leaned in at the same time to kiss each other, just once, and then again, briefly, but it was not lacking in feelings...or tongue.
When they drew back, Wade inhaled deeply and pressed a follow up kiss to Peter's cheek, just beside his lingering smile, and then they stepped apart and Peter backstepped toward the bedroom door,
"So, okay, I'll see you later."
Wade hated that they were going to be separated, but absolutely meant it when he said,
"Definitely, baby."
Peter pursed his lips and nodded as he took another step backward,
"Okay, good."
"Super good."
Another nod, Peter raising a hand and doing a cute, awkward wave and then he was biting his lip to hide his gorgeous excited smile as he turned away and walked out of the room.
Wade's own smile faded as he watched Peter go, his anger at Weasel and Dopinder resurfacing so fast it was very difficult to swallow down. He was pissed at them because they were interrupting .
But he had to let it go, he had to, for Peter.
He took calming breaths as he listened, heard the front door open and Peter say 'bye guys', Weasel and Dopinder responding with 'sure, bye' and 'it was lovely to meet you this evening Peter' respectively, and Peter was polite enough to only close the door after Dopinder was done. He was so nice.
Wade liked that about him. Wade liked everything about him. Wade loved everything about him.
And Wade was about to spend a few days totally alone with him and it had been his idea, but he'd maybe gotten ahead of himself. Wade felt like he should still be in the dog box, but Peter...he just bounced back so positively and forgivingly and it was amazing, while also highlighting to Wade how he was lacking in so many ways. So yeah, he had concerns and he didn't know whether they'd spend the next couple of days just hanging out or sexing each other up all over the place, but he was happy with either scenario! He would do whatever Peter wanted, he would absolutely make it up to Peter and he wanted to make however many days they spent together as fantastic as possible.
Starting with the first night.
Wade went back to packing in a hurry, thinking of what else he'd need at his place in Manhattan that he didn't have, and of course, because he was horny and he still had a semi from making out with Peter just a moment ago, his first concern was whether or not he should buy lube. He'd chosen not to the last time and he'd chosen wrong. They had just been lucky Peter had had lube. And before he'd fucked up after they slept together, he probably would have bought lube without thinking twice, but with his concerns and not wanting to mess up again, Wade felt like maybe it would be presumptuous of him to think sex was on the table.
Or was it stupid to think it was off the table?
He'd read Peter totally wrong the last time, totally underestimated him in the sexual department. He didn't want to do that again. Peter knew what he wanted, and Peter was confident despite his inexperience. And also, because of that, Wade really didn't want to act and seem like an idiot like he had last time, talking too much shit and even spilling the lube! No, not again. If they were going to sleep together again, if it did happen, which it might, he needed to be prepared and he wanted to knock it out of the park. And it didn't hurt to be prepared right? That's why he always packed extra ammo on a job!
Yeah...it wasn't a bad idea to be prepared, just in case, whether it happened or not.
With that in mind, he ignored what he could hear of Weasel and Dopinder discussing food order options and quickly packed up the last of the stuff he wanted.
No more disappearing Wade guys, don't worry!
Translation:
[Happy Engagement God bless you always]