Chapter Thirty-Three: Honesty

The acoustic guitar became a permanent fixture to Maize's afternoons after that. Maize would bring her guitar to the groves every day. She would play a couple of song requests during their lunch break, always careful not to go over the time so that the taskmasters would not get involved with them. Yarrow and two other boys ended up bringing their homemade drums to the groves to accompany the guitar, while fourteen-year-old Harvest Dawnbloom would bring her wooden flute. It was needless to say that their afternoon jam sessions became somewhat infamous for all of the fruit pickers.

With every session, Maize lost any lingering shyness when it came to performing. Playing for her fellow peers had become something that Maize could immerse herself in and forget her troubles for a while. Seeder and Chaff had both been impressed when Maize actually sang and played them a song with the guitar. The Victory Tour would be in another three months, around the time in which Amla is supposed to give birth. It was something that made Maize nervous over, especially since her cousin was set on her being present during the birth and coaching Amla through it.

Maize's training was also going well. She'd built up a considerable amount of muscle compared to how skinny and malnourished her body had once been. Baba had actually confronted her the day before over the matter, the answer he'd received surprised them both, for different reasons.

"You are no longer in the Games, Maize. I don' understand why you are doin' this?" her father sighed as if the weight of the world were resting on his shoulders. Maize knew that it had been bothering him and mama for a while, she'd seen it in the way that they watched her.

"Because it's not safe." Maize blurted out in a whisper, despite her siblings and mama being asleep.

The head of the Galloshire family eyed her warily, "What are you talkin' about? You've won your Games, Maize, after the Tour you will be safe. Much safer than your brothers and sisters."

Maize shook her head, "I'm sorry baba... but they'll never leave me alone now." a small tired sigh escaped from her lips, "Things will never be the same, the Capitol will always own some part of me. The Hunger Games was only the beginnin'. It's like this for all of the 'Victors' of the Games." she stated bluntly before adding in a softer tone, "Some suffer more than others."

"What do you know?" his dark eyes felt like they were piercing through Maize's soul.

"You can't tell mama."

His eyes narrowed, "Speak to me, Maize."

"Promise me first." Maize insisted, "Promise me. Promise me that you won't tell mama."

The man breathed out slowly, from experience Maize knew he was trying not to yell at her, "I promise. Now, what do you know?"

"More than I should." Maize admitted before whispering in a quieter voice, after all, they may be in their house -their new home- but the Capitol could have it bugged, "They will make me do things, baba. Seeder says they always make the pretty ones do it... like that Victor from 4, but for girls they- we don't have a choice."

Her baba's expression was enraged as he breathed out heavily, "Maize. Tell me it is not what I am thinkin'?"

Maize looked away from him for a moment, "Baba, when he calls me I will have to go and do what he says. If I don't... I will not let them hurt you, or our family... Not like they did to Seeder's."

Alder Galloshire, her baba, practically wilted in defeat though his clenched fists still trembled with his anger. His dark brown eyes were shut and his brows furrowed as a scowl painted his lips. Maize stared at the man who had been dutifully raising her alongside her mama, through no fault of his own he was not on the same level of intelligence her papi had once been, but he was just as clever and loyal. She couldn't imagine how painful it must be for a parent to hear that he cannot prevent the suffering of his children. That he must sit idly by whilst his child sacrifices herself to protect the rest of their family. How powerless he must feel.

Was it wrong of her to pity her father? There is so much he doesn't know, so much she will never tell him -to protect him and the rest of her family- secrets that would die with her.

"Keep trainin'." he spoke finally, "Do the same with your brother and sisters. It may give them a fightin' chance if the worst comes..." her baba paused before bringing Maize into a hug, his arms were warm and comforting around her, "Do not let them- you will always be my baby girl. My first child- my sweet, strange, smart girl."

Maize returned the hug just as fiercely as stinging tears trickled down her cheeks, "I love you, baba."

A bearded kiss was pressed onto her forehead, "I love you too..."

When Maize walked away, shadows bouncing off the walls and floors with every step she made towards her bedroom, she heard her father's broken whisper, "Forgive me, nisamehe... I'm so sorry, motto. Samahani, samahani..."

Her heart... it felt like it was shattering with his.

It had never really been Maize's intention to actually come clean to her parents about what would happen to her after the Victory Tour. She'd wanted to shield them from the pain of not being able to protect her, to keep the illusion that they could keep their children safe even after almost losing their eldest to the Hunger Games. That was why Maize couldn't help but feel some sort of selfish relief that her baba now knew. Knew what may be in Maize's future. That she wasn't alone carrying that burden on her shoulders -she was already carrying so much guilt as it were, she'd murdered a child, a teenager, a boy who would never go home- her father was shouldering the weight beside her.

She felt so much less alone now.

When Maize was little, and whined over her lack of height, baba would proudly carry her on his shoulders as if she were his tiny queen reaching her place amongst the clouds... For the first time since the initial realization she'd had after winning the Hunger Games, Maize felt like she could breathe. Like she was her baba's weightless child, one that even with all the foreknowledge she'd had, couldn't even mentally conceive of the sins she was carrying now.

Words 1110