Chapter Forty-Four: Days Inbetween (pt.3)
From the little Maize could still remember of her first life, she'd never been in a relationship. No, as Julianna she'd been too in love with the ocean and marine life to really give any thought to relationships. Especially not like the one her parents had lovingly cultivated. As Maize, well, she also hadn't put much thought into it. Always too busy working in the fields or groves, trying to find food, caring for her younger siblings, or simply just trying to make it to the next day.
Romance or relationships hadn't even begun to cross her mind.
At least not until Amla gushed over Thorn -"Oh, Maize! He's so handsome! Look at his build and those muscles... Can you believe that he's actually looking at me!"- to her the first time. Then again, she'd only found her cousin's crush amusing and adorable. That is until Thorn started to actively pursue her cousin.
Still, a part of her couldn't help but feel like she couldn't connect to anyone in her current 'age' group... so Maize had just put it out of her mind once more. After all, it wasn't like anyone had shown an interest in her.
Now though, now, Maize wished that she'd at least gone to a few of the matchmaking festivals with Amla before her cousin had fallen in love with Thorn. The small-scaled festivals for the 'of age' teenagers -or young adults interested in looking for a partner- were practically famous for bringing together permanent couples in her District... in fact, Maize's parents had met at one of the festivals when they themselves were teenagers.
If she'd gone to one at least once with Alma, Maize would at least know someone who'd be willing to help her with her current problem. She did not want to lose her virginity to some Capitolite bitch that had bought her company for the night.
Honestly, if Maize had her way she wouldn't be losing her virginity to anyone. At least not if she hadn't fallen for someone and decided that she wanted to be intimate with them out of her own volition... which brought her back to her first issue, she hadn't ever felt any sort of connection to the boys in her physical age group... well, ever.
She would be leaving for the Capitol in three days and Maize didn't have a lot of time left before... well before. It wasn't like she was looking for a love connection, more like any willing connection where her first time wouldn't be because of forced prostitution.
"Amla, my sweet binamu, I need your help."
Her cousin looked at her with barely concealed amusement, "Maize, th' last time you said that to me we had to get stitches. I'm a mother now, I shouldn't get involved in your shenanigans." she teased with a wry grin.
"Haha. Very funny." Maize deadpanned before shooting her a look, "But seriously, Amla, I need your help."
Amla's bright smile disappeared. With Milho on her shoulder, Amla rubbed her infant's back gently to prompt her to burb, "What's wrong?"
Maize buried her face in her hands for a moment as she felt her cheeks burn, "I want to not be a virgin anymore."
"Maize!" her cousin gasped in genuine -almost scandalized- surprise.
"Ugh, don't- don't look at me." she grumbled in embarrassment, "Just, do you know anyone that might be interested in... me?"
"Well, yes- but let's go back for a minute. You want to have sex?"
"No!" she denied before backtracking, "Well, yes, it's complicated, Amla."
Her cousin laid the now sleeping infant down in her cushioned basket, "Uncomplicate it then. Talk to me, Maize."
"I, this isn't something I really want to tell anyone about Amla," she admitted reluctantly.
Amla pulled her into a gentle hug, "I know you. Maize, you always said that you wanted to wait for marriage, so what changed binamu?"
Ah, right.
She told her cousin just about everything.
Before the Hunger Games, Amla had been Maize's greatest confidant. They'd been drifting apart since Maize had volunteered for the Games, but it wasn't either of their faults. Maize had been preoccupied with all of the changes that came from becoming a Victor, and Amla had gotten married and moved in with her husband. Her cousin had just given birth to a beautiful little girl... and Maize was still busy coping with her new reality.
"I'm going back to the Capitol." Amla gasped, "Three days from now, and I don't want to be a virgin when I get there."
"Why?" her cousin asked fearfully... even if the expression on her face screamed that she didn't want to know.
"Because Amla, I- I just don't want that to be my first time." Maize spoke in an equally soft voice as if to shield her cousin from the words escaping from her lips.
Amla flinched as she pulling away, her eyes searching Maize's face for answers, "You don't mean-"
"I don't want to get into what I'll be doing in the Capitol binamu, just that it can't be avoided. I don't want the first time I have sex to be like that, so if you know someone who's interested in me, binamu, please don't keep it to yourself." Amla was silent, her face turned away from Maize. "Amla, please say something. Anything?"
"Are they forcing you?" her cousin whispered in a horrified tone.
Maize sighed, "I don't have a choice." she agreed, "But by going willingly, I'm keeping everyone safe."
"But you don't want to."
"No."
Amla mumbled something too softly for Maize to understand.
"I- What did you say?"
"It's not fair." Amla spits out angrily as her eyes locked onto Maize's. Angry tears were streaming from her cousin, as the older adolescent stood up, "I- not fair! You won their stupid Hunger Games! They're supposed to leave you alone now! They can't just- this is wrong! You don't have to do anything-"
"Amla!" Maize hissed warningly as she eyed the infant now shifting in her basket because of her mother's loud voice, "You're gonna wake up Milho at this rate."
Hands on her face made Maize's gaze lock onto her cousin's tearful brown eyes once more, "I'm- I'm so sorry." a shudder went through Amla's frame, "This is all my fault."
"Hey, no!" Maize immediately protested as she placed her hands over the ones cupping her face, "I wouldn't change the last seven months at all! Even knowing what I know now, I'd volunteer all over again!"
"Still..." Amla whispered as she pressed their foreheads together, knowing that she would never be able to change her cousin's mind on the matter, "I'm so sorry this is happening to you."
"Me too."
The hut was quiet for a moment. Only the sounds of their breathing and the faint rattling of the wind hitting the shutters swirled around them. A deep sigh -that did not muffle a sob- escaped from Amla as she pulled away. A strained smile pulled on the corner of her cousin's lips, one that Maize reciprocated immediately.
"Sill has been interested in you for a long time."
Maize couldn't help the genuine surprise that filtered across her face, "Really?"
"Definitely." her cousin nodded, "He hasn't been able to look away since you pushed him in the mud."
A snort escaped from her throat, "We were seven!"
Amla's lips pulled up into a wry grin, "You held your ground. I think you're still the only person to ever tell him 'no'."
"Okay, well how do I- you know, ask him to have sex with me? Will he even want to-" she asked awkwardly.
Giggles erupted from Amla, "I don't think any boy, or man, has ever turned down sex."
Her cheeks were hot enough to fry an egg on.
It turned out, Sill was more than willing to partake in the horizontal tango with her. Maize had only had to approach the older teen for one dance at the festival -after downing two cups of homemade mead so that she had a pleasant buzz numbing her nerves- before Sill started whispering lewd suggestions in her ear.
She allowed the dark-skinned teen to lead her on to -what was considered a bachelor hut in their District- his home after emphasizing that this was a one-time deal. Sill had only laughed good-naturedly and agreed before pressing a kiss on her cheek.
Sex... was interesting. It had definitely hurt when Sill had initially pushed in and broken her hymen, but the older teen was experienced enough to know how to distract her from the pain by doing- other things. It was a bit awkward since she didn't really care for Sill beyond the 'ah, we grew up in the same neighborhood and have played with one another since we were in diapers' kind of way, but it wasn't horrible either.
-Leaving an hour or so after they'd had sex had been a lot more awkward now that she thought back about it. Though, Sill had understood. After all, she still lived with her parents and they would be expecting her. Maize had washed herself at Amla's home to get rid of any of the more obvious evidence, her cousin had made her swear that she would stop by there before heading towards the Victor's village so that Thorn could walk her home.-
She could see why the act itself was considered pleasurable and why couples chose to be together in that way... still, Maize had a feeling that she would have enjoyed sex even more if she'd actually had feelings for her partner. Still, she was just happy that she wouldn't be going to the Capitol as a virgin.
They wouldn't be able to take that from her.
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(Hi! It's been a while! I hope you all enjoyed the update! I know it wasn't very happy... and things will be picking up in the next few chapters... I promise it won't take so long for the next update!)