Chapter Forty-Seven: Allies (pt1)

It took a full week for baba to be able to look her in the eye once more. Maize tried not to let on how much it hurt her, how dirty and unwanted it made her feel... but the presence of her gleeful siblings -their open smiles, tight hugs and sweet kisses- had helped ease that ache.

-The truth was very simple. Maize had been naïve. Naïve to think that her brief exploit with Sil would prevent... She hadn't even been able to conceive the very ache that had now settled over her like a death shroud... the sort of sorrow, horror and shame that only seemed to grow-building up in her throat like a scream that could never be released. It was one thing to know what an unwanted sexual advance was in theory and another to actually live through it. Was it rape when she agreed? She was complicit. To know that it would happen again. And again. And again. It had taken something from her. Leaving a hollow dead sensation behind that was only really comparable to how she'd felt during her own Games. Would it take something from her each time? Take and take and take. Take until there was nothing left... The anticipation was already driving her half mad.-

Her mama had been slowly growing suspicious of the strange tension between her husband and daughter... but Maize was only grateful that the woman had decided not to confront her on the matter, preferring to let Maize come to her of her own volition when she was ready. Maize wasn't sure she'd ever be ready to tell her mama. She'd already broken the heart of one of her parents... and she really didn't want to be responsible for hurting her mama with the truth.

Amla had been around a lot more, of course with little Milho in tow. Her binamu would head over to the Victor's Village every morning after Thorn would leave for work and help around the house. It eased something in Maize's heart to have her cousin sharing space in her home once more. Especially since Amla knew what Maize had done to protect her family. Amla didn't treat her differently, if anything, she was always quick to plop Milho into Maize's willing arms and claim that the infant wanted to be held by her favorite auntie.

-But sometimes... sometimes Maize would catch a look on Amla's face. A glint in her eyes that screamed retribution. Like she'd seen something in Maize and it had made something hard and unforgiving burn in her chest. Amla was a flower child no more. The last of her childhood snuffed out, leaving a very different woman in her place. Sometimes it made Maize feel safe. Sometimes it terrified her.-

Seeder had been extremely helpful in getting Maize out of her head, her Mentor always seemed to know when the memories of the arena or of the Capitolite woman started plaguing her too much. Seeder had helped Maize come down from a panic attack more than once over the last week. Even Chaff had been extra gentle in his mannerisms. The both of them gracing the Galloshire dinner table every evening with little fanfare, as if it were an extremely regular occurrence for them to venture out of their self-exile.

Though, their greatest help came from how they included her baba.

How Chaff had taken it upon himself to save Maize's baba from himself. Taking him under his wing as he must have done for countless tributes since his victory.

-Maize had unashamedly broken down when, seven days after her return from the Capitol, her baba finally pulled her into a warm comforting embrace-enveloping her entire form like they always had since her childhood. It didn't matter that she could still see self-hatred swimming in his eyes every once in a while, because at least he was looking at her again. At least he wasn't avoiding her presence like the plague, at least he was speaking to her once more. At least he was still acting like her baba. A broken version, but still her baba.-

It took another week before Maize was even vaguely comfortable enough in her own skin to venture out of the Victor's Village once more and start up the training exercises with her siblings and Ollie again. Having a steady routine seemed like the only thing keeping her afloat anymore.

Breakfast, training, chores, lunch, playing guitar in the orchard, training, playing with her siblings, dinner, repeat.

She even started up her studies with Auntie Calla again. There was a baby boom in her District after her victory-and her auntie was adamant that she couldn't handle all the pregnant women on her own, especially when she only had one novice apprentice just starting out under her wings.

She felt human again.

Like Maize.

Of course, that was when the President called for her services once more.

Two weeks of learning to live. That was her respite.

The fury that had passed over her baba's face when she informed him that she'd be leaving for the Capitol once more in a week had been nothing to scoff at, but he hadn't reverted back to his ways... only pulled her into another fortifying hug and promised to drop her off at the train station once more. Mama had been more verbally furious about the matter than her baba this time-much like Birch whose anger had been explosive for two days.

Amla had been close to tears when Birch had spat out the news the next morning at breakfast, but her binamu was strong and only pulled Maize aside later with a promise to make the children continue their training in the mornings until she came back... which had strangely filled Maize with longing and gratitude, because she would need to assess her siblings and Ollie the second she got back from her trip, and well, it gave her something to look forward to.

It had taken her the better part of three days to convince Seeder that she did not need to accompany Maize to the Capitol. Maize wanted to lick her wounds in private now that she knew what would follow... even if a part of her did long for Seeder's presence, Maize wasn't sure she could handle having the woman see her after being used like that. The woman only backed off the night before her departure because she'd learned that the male Victor from 4 would be at the capitol for similar reasons as well.

Seeder had made Maize promise that she'd let Odair help her if she needed it again after meeting with her client. Apparently, Odair had promised to look out for her if needed as well... Something that made Maize found it more than a little strange, but then again, they were both pawns in the grand scheme of things. Both forced to hand over their bodies for the pleasures and whims of others, they had that much in common now. It couldn't hurt to, well, try and support one another if they found themselves in the Capitol at the same time.

To be allies.

-And if Maize was weirded out about her interactions with Odair because she kept remembering the blank empty look on Annie Cresta's face as she stumbled through the bush... because she kept remembering that Annie was supposed to live and fall in love and marry Odair... well, Maize would just have to come to terms with it.-

Goldie appeared to have somewhat recovered from Maize's last visit, though the woman seemed to have enough tact this time not to gush over her 'date.' This time her client was a man. At her assigned medical appointment before the date, Dr. Nero had to reinsert the birth control device into her left thigh before once more instructing her to come back in the morning. This time the nurse, the same blonde and red-eyed one from last time, was kind enough to give her a small jar of the vanishing cream and vaginal numbing spray ahead of time so that if Maize was in a lot of pain before she saw them next, she could at least find some sort of relief before seeing them.

Her date that evening started once more at a fancy restaurant, where Maize had once more been dressed to the nines by her stylist team. The man, Fastus Overman, was portly in nature with blue-painted lips and greedy eyes that drank in her figure.

Maize, who'd been numb since she boarded the train in 11, ignored his covetous fingers and pride-filled arrogance as he strutted around with her at his arm.

Overman, she learned quickly, was a man of indulgence, from the way he dressed in all of the most expensive and fine goods -something that he'd taken the time to deliberately point out within seconds of meeting her before babbling on and on about how he'd come to own them- to his eating and drinking habits. By the time Overman had dragged her into his hotel room, for he was married and didn't wish to share Maize's company with his wife, at least not this time, the Capitolite had been fairly drunk. In fact, Maize barely had to be in prolonged contact with him before he orgasmed and promptly passed out.

Maize had only slipped out of the bed, pulled up her lacy panties from where they'd been flung onto the bedroom floor, before scribbling out a coquettish message on a notepad and leaving a lipstick imprint of her lips on it by the nightstand and slipping out to the car where Sven was waiting.

After all, Overman, in his indulgence, had made her go over time... and Maize had absolutely no obligation to stick around.

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