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Christmas Chaos
Chapter 9 : The Hyuga Battle Day
December 24th - 3:01 AM
Tenten hurried to close her suitcase after Neji came for the fourth time in their room to ask her what the hell was taking so long.
"I'm coming! I'm coming!" She repeated back, exhausted. Neji was such a pain in the ass, sure, they were cutting it close with the flight departure. But she had never seen Neji so anxiously hurried since she had known him, and she saw him prep for top one emergency surgeries of ruptured spleens.
"Our flight is in six hours, we're going to miss it." He said, sternly.
"I know, I know." She replied back, irritated. "All done!" She finally closed her bulging suitcase, and sped after Neji down the hallway.
"Here," He took her luggage. "I'll take it." He went down the stairs without giving her time to protest.
"Neji," His grandmother called from the hall.
While Neji went to see his grandmother, Tenten put her boots and flimsy coat on, eager to find her native thirty-four celsius degrees native Suna while Neji opened the door to what could only be called a world-ending snow tempest.
"Oh no!" Tenten exclaimed petrified. "Do you think they'll be cancelling flights?" Neji gave him an unimpressed look, and went through the horrifying blizzard as if walking in the shower.
"Fuck," Tenten muttered and braced herself through the raging snowflakes coming in all directions.
One step, two steps, three steps and suddenly the blizzard died down and Tenten found herself in the middle of gently falling snowflakes glistening under the moonlight. Flabbergasted, Tenten turned around the focalized snow tempest raging only on the Hyugas front porch and the manor's windows.
She quickly looked over to see if Neji was witnessing what she was witnessing or if she had indulged in too much punch at the Yule Ball. But Neji was determinedly walking towards his car the town's mechanic had brought yesterday afternoon.
"Is that..?" Tenten started.
"Yes." He cut her off, closing the trunk in a loud noise.
"Should we tell…"
"No, absolutely not." He immediately answered with a clipped tone, opening his car's door.
"But your uncle is…"
"I know," Neji sighed, embarrassed and defeated. "I know." He repeated. "But please get in the car before he notices we managed to escape."
Tenten's eyes grew wide. "Are you kidding me?"
"Get in the car, Tenten." He ordered when he saw his uncle turning around. "Right. Now." He gritted, locking his seatbelt and starting the car.
Tenten gulped and immediately followed his command. As soon as she had closed the car's door Neji sped through the driveway and Tenten shivered when noticing Hiashi Hyuga turned, staring straight at them with a blood-curling glare reflecting off the rearview mirror.
"Is he going to run after us?" Tenten was almost scared this could be a possibility at this point.
"No," Neji assured, still sporting a scowl. "He is too dignified for that." He took a turn on the main road while Tenten finally got to close her seatbelt.
"So was that really your uncle…"
"Yes, Tenten," He gritted, more annoyed by his uncle's antics than the woman herself. "My uncle is rich, over-controlling, and loves us too much for our own good. So yes, he did exactly what you just thought he did."
"You knew about…?" She gasped.
"I deduced it." He pressed his lips firmly, focused on the dimly-lit road, preparing to engage in the highway that would lead them straight to Konoha's airport in three hours' time.
"And Hinata doesn't know about it?" She confirmed.
Neji sighed. "She is too naive, but it was either them or all of us."
Tenten gasped again, grinning at Neji's annoyed expression. "You sacrificed them!"
Neji decided this time, it was better to keep silent rather than self-incriminate. Though he did let out with a smirk:
"It'll be good for them to spend a bit more time together."
December 24th - 8 AM
"Ah shit," Naruto simply answered, standing with the rest of the Hyuga family in front of the main door who showed a meter and a half of snow piling in front of them. "I haven't heard anything about a snow storm when I checked the weather yesterday." He was at a loss and Hinata put a reassuring hand on his arm.
"I'm sorry Naruto," She looked at him worried. "Because of me, you'll miss Christmas with your parents."
"I'm so sorry, son." Hiashi gave him a sorrowful look, placing an empathetic hand on his shoulder. "But you are more than welcome here, it's our pleasure to have you for Christmas' Eve."
"Yeah…" He awkwardly scratched his head. "It's just that my mother is going to kill me if I miss Christmas time with them."
Hiashi snapped his finger. "An idea just crossed my mind!"
"Oh, did you now, brother?" Hizashi gave him disbelieving.
Hiashi glared quickly at his twin before turning back to Naruto. "What about they come here?"
"But, you said all the roads are closed? How could they come?" Naruto asked dumbfounded.
"We have a helicopter in Konoha for business matters and I had planned for my secretary to come and give me in emergency a few documents I need for a precipitated merger between two companies, you know how fickle the market is." Hiashi smiled wryly. "Anyhow, there are two other places for your parents. The helicopter is cleared to come, but they'll be forced to stay on ground till the storm passes, I'm afraid."
"The storm." Hizashi repeated, still not fooled.
"Yes, Hizashi, the storm." Hiashi was this close to kicking his brother in the shins. "Why do you keep repeating things like a silly parrot?" He continued to glare at the man before smiling sweetly at Naruto. "So how would this sound?"
"I g-guess." Naruto stuttered. "If it's not a b-bother f-for you."
"Nonsense!" Hiashi waved off, all smiles. "What about you use our landline to call them, then?"
"Landline?" Naruto asked, confused.
"Ah yes," Hiashi nodded, in a contrite way. "With the storm, we have lost our network, unfortunately." He shook his head desolate. "It should come back in a couple of days."
"Oh, then I'll use your phone." Naruto concluded, still befuddled by the sudden turn of events but was glad he could spend more time with Hinata.
"It's really the least he can do." Hizashi answered for his brother, smiling sweetly. "After all the trouble my brother put you into."
Now Hiashi really kicked his brother's shin as soon as Naruto had turned away.
"What is wrong with you?" Hizashi hissed at his brother, holding his leg in pain.
"Hiashi Hyuga, Grandbabies by 2023." His brother hissed back before running after Naruto. "Naruto, the phone is on your left!" He chirped.
December 24th - 3:33 AM
Tenten couldn't help but look at Neji when he drove. He drove with such assurance, leaning back as if driving through the night in winter conditions felt as natural as walking on a summer day.
On top of everything, he had taken his coat off because he blazed the heater in her stead since she had very low cold tolerance. While she was still nuzzling in the scarf he had given her on day 1, he was breezing through with his white shirt, sleeves rolled up.
And, goddam. There was just something about a man, when he rolled up his sleeves, when he drove, when he got focused on the road, his jaw slightly tensing, eyebrows faintly creasing, gripping the wheel laidback but driven. She probably should stop staring at the veins on his forearms but everything combined just made him so damn hot at the moment.
"Enjoying the show, Maito?" He called her out and her eyes quickly diverted back to his smirking lips.
"As if," She tried to hide her inner thoughts. "Just looking at your watch. Didn't peg you for someone who'd bother with jewelry."
He gave her a disbelieving glance, amused by her deflection, but rolled with it anyway.
"Family heirloom," He simply said.
"Ah." She nodded and turned her gaze back on the flying landscape under her eyes.
She couldn't believe how fast those last four days had flown by. She felt like she spent a month with the Hyugas because of how many things happened, yet it still left a bittersweet taste because it had passed by too quickly.
The day after the engagement party, Hiashi had called a 'Hyuga Battle Day' which earned everyone around the breakfast table a surprised gasp, well except for Naruto and her because they had no idea what it meant.
"It's something they've done since they were kids," Konohamaru explained to them as if he was their designated guide through Hyuga mayhem holidays. "Basically any Hyuga can call a 'Hyuga Battle Day' and this takes precedence over anything else on the agenda."
"Always making trivial things too serious, aren't they?" Tenten commented, sipping her orange juice.
"And for what?" Naruto yawned, still not accustomed to Hyugas' early rising habits, though waking up next to the woman with the softest skin on earth helped a great deal temper down his morning bad blood.
"For eternal glory," Hinata smiled.
"We're just very competitive." Hanabi shrugged.
"Nothing better than to remind your siblings they lost to you," Neji remarked, smirking at the two younger women he had beaten countless times.
"Today's your downfall nii-san." Hinata grinned. "I feel the winds changing in my favour."
Neji scoffed.
"If anyone is taking Neji down today," Hanabi rose from her seat. "It's going to be me."
"Ah," Hiashi exhaled happily. "Nothing feels more like Christmas than Hyugas kids fighting each other to death." He wiped an invisible tear. "Brings back childhood memories."
Tenten looked back at him, mortified.
"He's kidding," Neji assured her, whispering in her ear.
"Or am I." Hiashi gave her a cunning grin. "In any case, since this year everyone is paired up, we'll make it a couples war."
Konohamaru groaned so loudly Tenten was startled. "No, no, no." He cried. "Please, noooo."
"Listen, here, you little whimpering shit." Hanabi aggressively grabbed his sweater collar, bringing the poor groaning man an inch from her nose. "If you make me lose this battle, I'll shove that ring so far up your ass you'll need a gastroscopy on our wedding day to retrieve it."
She dragged a protesting Konohamaru away from the kitchen, muttering strategies to "finally feast on Neji's defeated soul".
"Naruto-kun!" Hinata shouted, swiftly turning on her seat to take Naruto's hands in hers and bringing them to her heart. "I need you to be at the top of your game today!" She exclaimed, her eyes wide and pleading. "We can do this, with your strength and speed, I'm sure we can win this."
Naruto only nodded dumbly and followed the woman without a word out of the kitchen.
Neji calmly finished eating the last bits of apple under his uncle's expectant stare, waiting for his nephew to act like his daughters.
"She's worse than me." He merely told his uncle, calmly sipping the last few drops of his green tea.
"My toxic trait is that I hate losing," She gave a bored look to Hiashi, then turned towards Neji to glare at him. "If you make us lose," She rose from her. "I'm calling Aunt Mei myself to tell her we broke up."
Neji smirked. "You're almost hot when you get angry about the perspective of losing."
Tenten raised her eyebrow, since when did he get bold enough to say shit like that and think he could get away with it?
"Wha-whatever, Hyuga." She mumbled, pushing her chair.
And so they had passed the day going from challenge to challenge. Hizashi had politely declined, Shizune having finally arrived that day, they went into hiding somewhere in the castle.
"I thought Hyugas had to participate?" Tenten wondered loudly.
"They can choose to lose by forfeit, but only Hizashi does that, and he only did it twice since I've known the family." Konohamaru explained to her, adjusting his mittens.
"Stop fraternizing with the enemy!" Hanabi barked at him to come back to her side.
"So much for onee-chan." Tenten mumbled and she heard Neji chuckle next to her.
Hiashi had decided he would be the judge with his boyfriend who got here with Shizune after their commonly missed train yesterday.
"Make me proud, children." Hiashi said before announcing the first of three challenges.
First, was the piggyback ride race that Neji and she won by a landslide, being both very athletic and fast. If Naruto and Konohamaru had given it their all, what was trickier was the way back where the partners had to switch. Tenten had no trouble lifting Neji and running her way back, but Hanabi and Hinata did stumble a few times which gave the brunette an advantage.
"Not fair!" Hanabi had pointed an angry finger at her. "I'm sure she's on steroids or something."
Even Hinata had scowled. "What did nii-san give you before the start? Amphetamines?"
Naruto and Tenten had been so shocked by the sudden competitiveness in their friend but Konohamaru seemed to have witnessed way worse Hyuga sportsmanship, having seen his fair share of Hyuga battles.
"Trust me," He told them solemnly. "It only goes downhill from here." He warned and both doctors gulped.
Second challenge was the three-legged race, won easily by Hanabi and Konohamaru who have been linked at the hip since they were kids. Cohesive coordination was no secret for those high school sweethearts. Special mention to Hinata and Naruto who were close second. Now Neji and Tenten probably did the most horrible performance of the three-legged race's known history, each trying to lead the other and only succeeding in stumbling down the little hill in the Hyuga's gardens.
But it was all in good mood, when they ended up tangled in each other's arms and legs, and could do nothing but laugh at their condition.
"Next time, let me lead, Maito."
"Not a chance, Hyuga."
Then, Hinata and Naruto won the flag-football game in the snow, and it was probably the highlight of the Holidays to see sweet and gentle Hinata tackle Konohamaru to the grown in the most merciless way.
"OUCH." Tenten exclaimed going for Konohamaru, quickly followed by Naruto, both wanting to be sure the young man on the ground did not suffer a shoulder subluxation from Hinata's fury.
"Are you ok?" Tenten winced.
"I fucking hate Hyuga Battle Days." He groaned, rubbing his arm who thankfully seemed all right. "And the worst of them all is definitely Hinata." He shuddered at the eldest daughter's piercing look she gave him from afar.
"She's quite the woman isn't she?" Naruto said dreamily, looking back at the woman who was stretching on the other side of the field, waiting for the game to continue.
"Err," Tenten gave him an odd look. "She's intense, I'll give you that."
"Intense? Intense?" Konohamaru choked on his words. "Hanabi is intense and a bit crazy, Neji is intense and somewhat deadly. But Hinata? Demoniac. When the game is on, her chill is off."
"Seems like it's not your first Hyuga Battle Day." Tenten gave him a hand to help him stand up.
"And not my last." He grumbled, wiggling his ring finger. "You know everybody thinks the most intimidating one is Hiashi or Neji, but they're wrong. Hizashi is obviously the chillest and my favourite. Hanabi, I can't say anything, I'm marrying the heathen, bless my soul Lord up above and protect it with all your might. Hiashi is just a bit overbearing-"
"A bit!?" Naruto and Tenten exclaimed, now that was the understatement of the century.
"-And Neji comes off as cold and sometimes arrogant-"
"Sometimes?" Tenten scoffed.
"But the worst is definitely Hinata." Konohamaru finished his rundown of the Hyugas, ignoring their interruptions. "When I started going out with Hanabi, Hiashi gave me a scary talk but after that he was good," He continued, explaining, while Naruto made him move his arm.
"And Neji, I think he ran a background check on me?" Konohamaru shrugged as if running background checks was a very usual thing. "And he didn't let me out of his sight for a good couple months."
Tenten raised a brow.
"But Hinata? Evil Momma Bear, this one." He shook his head. "To this day she gives me sneaky 'I'll slice your throat if you make her cry' signs during family parties. I still receive death threats from time to time. Look!" He showed them a year-old screenshot of their conversation.
Message from Hinata to you - December 30th 2020 (1:47pm) : Happy birthday Konohamaru! I hope you are having lots of fun with Hanabi in that ski resort you booked. I saw her stories and you're getting way better on your snowboard, congrats! All the happy wishes-
"Aw," Tenten said mid-lecture of the text. "That's super sweet!"
"Keep reading," Konohamaru simply stated.
Message from Hinata to you - December 30th 2020 (1:47pm) : -and remember, if you break her heart… I break your balls, that's right! :)
"Oh my," Naruto murmured. "At least she put three hearts at the end and a birthday cake emoji?"
For the other side of the garden, Hiashi eyed with amusement the non-Hyugas discussing between themselves.
"Would you look at them," Hizashi came up behind him, startling him.
"You're so creepy, Hizashi, dammit." Hiashi glared at his twin. "Anyway," His eyes went back to the trio. "What do you think they're talking about?"
"Probably how scary Hinata can be." Hizashi replied.
Hiashi nodded, pleased. "Then, they're integrating well into the family. Babies by 2023 is going great."
The last challenge to name the overall winner was determined by Grandma Sayuri.
"I hid a little snowball where it all began." She gave them an impenetrable look. "It has a little girl with a kimono in it. You have one hour to find it and bring it back." She raised her chronometer and clicked the upper button signaling the start of the last event.
Neji seemed to hesitate which was new to Tenten as he was probably one of the most decisive people she knew.
"What is it, Neji?" She asked him, starting to be able to read him more and more.
His eyes darted around the gardens blanketed in white and the towering tree in the middle. "Nothing," He finally said. "Let's go to the old armoury, it's the oldest place in the castle, maybe it'll answer grandma's clue."
Tenten nodded, not having any idea at all where to search in any case.
They spent about forty-five minutes searching for that damn snowglobe in a room where old weapons and armours lay as if in a museum. Well, forty-five minutes minus the fifteen ones Tenten spent running from one weapon to another, eyes wide like saucers gushing from an item to another, under Neji's amused glance.
She would have found it odd, how he just leaned back against the stoned wall looking at her intently instead of searching for the snowball that would grant him victory, but she was too absorbed giggling while running her finger over the spikes of a mace.
He smirked. "Do we need to talk about that weird obsession you have with weapons?" He raised a brow.
She turned around from ogling a golden dagger, laughing sheepishly. "Sorry," She laughed sheepishly. "My uncle is a stuntman, had a company he ran employing other stuntmen and stuntwomen. Because I had done some martial arts and gymnastics, he recruited me for some teen movies."
"Teen movies requiring fighting with weapons?" He arched his brow.
"More than you'd think there are." Tenten shrugged. "Anyway, I did stunts for that one movie about a princess warrior mastering weapons to save her kingdom and-"
"Wait." He advanced slowly towards her. "Are you talking about A Dance of Moonshadows?"
"Yeah!" She grinned back at him. "You know it?
Neji rubbed his neck embarrassed. "Was kind of a fan, to be honest."
"Oh," Her mouth was agape until she shook it off. "Did the fighting scenes for the lead actress. Being average has its perks." She laughed it off. "With a good wig and some make-up I could pass for pretty much any of them."
Neji frowned, but Tenten was already salivating in front of an old bow and a set of arrows.
"Anyway," She shook herself off her daze. "I have had a passion for weaponry since then. There's something so elegant and fascinating about how they are crafted and how each needs to be used and mastered differently."
"Makes sense then, that you became a doctor." He noted.
She gave him a rueful look. "The interest came with doing my first responder's formation while being on set. Injuries happen a lot in that line of work."
Neji couldn't detach his eyes from her shifting expressions when she saw weapons she recognized and ones she saw the very first time.
"You can try them, if you want." He finally said.
"I-I can?" She looked at him bewildered.
"Yeah," He shrugged. "We still train with them in the gardens sometimes. Hyugas are all about traditions, in case you haven't noticed." He smirked.
"Oh my gosh," She ran to the bow and arrow. "I can for real?" She shifted her weight excitedly from one foot to another. "Not to brag, but I have a perfect aim."
"There is no such thing as perfect-" Neji was about to exit the room so they could shoot some arrows outside until one zipped right over him, about an inch above the top of his head.
He was impressed and not surprised.
Of course, Tenten Maito would shoot an arrow at him. She probably had been dreaming of that since they met.
"I have dreamed of this forever!" She exclaimed, stars in her eyes.
She shot another one, right in the middle of a Christmas wreath hung over the stoned column, making him swallow his words about nonexistent perfect aim.
So against all odds he leaned back over the wall and crossed his arms, looking straight at her unphased when she raised the bow to shoot another one.
She frowned when he remained calm. "It's not fun if you're this collected." She pouted.
He smirked again. "I take back what I said about the perfect aim thing."
Her smile returned. "I'll take it, then."
Half an hour later she looked at him over her shoulder after looking behind chests to behind that damned snowball. He was nonchalantly walking through things, as if waiting for time to pass.
"You don't seem to be looking very hard for the item." She remarked and he only shrugged.
A couple of minutes later, Hinata's yells of joy came from the garden.
They both rushed back outside to see the heiress jumping up and down from joy before rushing to hug Naruto who seemed overwhelmed by her happiness. He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her up, grinning at her flushed cheeks from cold and exhilaration.
"We won!" Hinata exclaimed again.
Even if Tenten was a sore loser, she couldn't help but feel the contagious joy emanating from her friend and even Neji was smiling and clapping his hands.
"Where was it?" Hanabi came rushing, out of breath with a poor Konohamaru stumbling behind, chimney's soot all over his face.
"Under the big oak tree," Hinata pointed to the tree where they began their chase. "That's where grandma and grandpa first met when they were kids." She gave a fond smile to her grandma, reaching out with her hand.
Sayuri took her granddaughter's hand and squeezed affectionately. "Well done, my child, now what about some tea to warm us a little?"
The rest of the evening was spent leisurely sipping tea, talking and laughing along the Hyugas until the late hours of the evening.
And at night, when she was laying in bed with Neji -without any pillows in the middle, mind you-, still recounting some of the highlights of the day, namely how Konohamaru was scared of Hinata, they kept laughing until the wee hours of the night. And slowly their conversations weaved from childhood memories of Christmas to heartbreaks and fears and dreams.
"I hope," Tenten whispered, turning to Neji, their faces a few centimeters apart. "I'll one day get to know who my biological father is."
He brushed a strand of hair away from her cheek, tucking it behind her ear, letting his finger linger a bit more than he should have. "Did you ever ask your mother?"
Tenten shrugged, shivering under the cover from this innocent touch. "She doesn't like talking about him and I don't want to hurt her. Also, if he wanted to know me, he'd probably have reached out by now, no?"
"His loss," He finally murmured and his eyes shone a bit brighter. "I pity the fool who does not get the chance to have you threaten their life on a daily basis." He smirked.
"Shut up," She grinned back, shoving his shoulder.
Then they traveled in old times, she told him of her family and he told her his first girlfriend who actually lived in Haepo and was the mayor's daughter. Then she talked about her first pet she had when she was four and died when she was twenty-two, a year before she went to Konoha, how that grief had been more difficult than she thought it would be.
"It was just an animal for others," She shrugged, her eyes glistening in the dim-lit room. "But it had accompanied me for eighteen years, it was a part of the family and of me, even. Have you ever had a pet?"
Neji shook his head no. "I like watching birds," He answered instead. "But the idea of them being caged in a house just doesn't sit well with me. They're much more beautiful in the sky."
"So an ornithology guy?" She grinned amused at imagining Neji hiking with binoculars around his neck.
He nodded laughing. "Yes, you could say that." He trailed off, hesitating. "There're some interesting species in Konoha, if you're ever interested…"
Her eyes were round, so far they had never discussed the aftermath of their little scheme or how it had affected their relationship so far.
"I'd like that," She replied softly.
And just like that, they went down memory lane and laughed through the night. She talked about how her parents met, and he started talking about how his parents met and how his grandparents met and-
"Wait," Tenten mumbled, suddenly back in present times, the sound of the humming car as it sped through the driveway filling her ears once again.
She turned towards Neji, his eyes drifting quickly from the road to frown at her. She had been oddly silent for the last couple of hours and he thought she had fallen asleep.
"What?" He asked her.
"You knew." She let out as realization dawned on her, everything clicking into place.
"That my uncle was deranged?" He scoffed. "Yes, not very difficult to-"
"No!" She turned completely on her seat to face him. "You know where your grandmother hid that snowball." Her eyes were wide, she was smiling at her discovery and enjoying how he tried to pretend he didn't hear her.
"You let your cousin win!" She insisted.
"I didn't not." He scowled.
"Yes, you did!" She poked his arm. "If you don't tell me now, I'll text her."
"Fine, fine." He sighed defeated, running a hand through his hair, irritated. "I just haven't seen Hinata so happy in so long." He shrugged. "I wanted her to have a memorable holiday and bond more with Naruto. He makes her… alive."
Tenten blinked a few times. "That's… oddly considerate of you."
He glared at her before taking the next exit.
"Is this…" Tenten's eyes went wide in recognition at the building they were driving to. "A Starbucks!?"
Neji rolled his eyes. "Yes, it is." He approached the drive-through. "We didn't get to sleep much so I thought I'd give you your caffeine fix." He tried to not let it appear, how shy he suddenly became at the idea of showing he actually cared for that woman.
She squealed in delight and went over his body to talk directly to the speaker.
"I'll take a grande non-fat praline chestnut latte with whipped cream and extra caramel on the side," She hurled her order in excitement, then turned back to the flustered driver who had been trying to ignore how awkwardly her breasts were pressed on his forearm, not that she seemed to notice in her delight.
"And," Tenten turned back to the speaker. "A mezzo black coffee, no milk, no sugar."
"Anything else?" The grizzling voice asked.
"No, thank you!" Tenten chirped and sat down content. She looked at the man who tried to act as if nothing happened. "You're such a softie, you know that."
He grumbled something she couldn't quite make out, but could clearly see the faint blush colouring his cheeks before he coughed it away.
It was bittersweet, really, realizing someone is not who you thought they were and that maybe, who they were becoming for you, is a bit more than what you had bargained for.
December 24th - 9:00 AM
"Snow machines, really?" Hizashi poured himself coffee, giving an accusatory glance to his brother.
"Tenten and Neji's flight must have departed by now," Hiashi stated, ignoring his brother's comment while he opened his journal.
"I get that you want to keep the kids at home, Hiashi." Hizashi pursued, determined to see this conversation through. "But buying snow machines, inundating our doors and windows with fake snow to make Naruto believe there's some kind of storm and cutting the network so he couldn't access the internet… is a bit much. Even for you."
"Shizune is still sleeping, I gather?" Hiashi deflected. "My boyfriend too, the trip was very tiring with all these mechanical errors. Frightful, really."
Hizashi rolled his eyes. "So where is it?" He asked instead, sipping his coffee contentedly.
"Where is what?" Hiashi feigned incomprehension, not tearing his eyes off his newspaper.
"The one room where wifi is still accessible." Hizashi leveled his gaze to his brother's.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." His twin deflected, turning the page of his newspaper in pretend innocence.
"Don't try me, Hiashi." His brother brought a hand over his exasperated face. "Konoha's next top model finale is airing tonight and I know you'd never accept to watch the rediffusion. So where is it?"
"And for what reason would you need wifi so desperately?" The oldest twin gave his sibling a knowing smile.
"Work." Hizashi replied curtly.
"Mmh-mmh. I see." Hiashi looked nonchalantly over his newspaper. "Does your definition of work include sexting Shizune-chan?"
"No, she's right up-" Hizashi started until realization hit him and he nearly choked on his coffee. "Have you been spying on me?"
"Oh please," His twin waved off the accusations. "Your conversations are only mildly interesting, I wouldn't waste time on actively trying to spy on them." He turned another page, not at all phased by the seething exasperation of his brother. "You synced your messaging account on the family cloud, probably by mistake."
"The cloud?" Hizashi asked back, astonished and confused.
"Yes," Now it was Hiashi's features that reflected impatience. "The cloud." He repeated, exasperated, which was highly unhelpful for his brother. "Get with the times, Hizashi."
"I love you brother," Hizashi said as a matter of fact. "But you've been a constant pain in my ass since you've been openly gay."
Hiashi threw his brother a highly mischievous smirk. "Oh, brother. I've been a pain in the ass of many men since I've been openly gay."
This time, Hizashi nearly choked on the bite of bagel he had just engulfed. "Now what exactly can I say to that?"
"That I am the best older brother ever and that you love me unconditionally." His twin put down the newspaper with a triumphant smile and Hizashi couldn't help but return a very fond one.
"You are and I do." He replied very softly.
"You do what, uncle?" Konohamaru entered the kitchen yawning, grabbing the first banana he could reach for in the fruit bowl.
"I do," Hizashi rested his chin on his intertwined fingers, looking expectantly at Konohamaru. "Need your help with that thing called the cloud."
"Oh," Konohamaru grinned wolfishly at the older man. "Is it about your sexting with Shizune being on the family cloud?"
For the third time, Hizashi choked at the breakfast table, but now on his own saliva and humiliation. "You saw that too?"
Konohamaru nodded enthusiastically. "It was all highly entertaining."
"Well, I wouldn't know about 'highly', mildly at best, I'd say." Hanabi entered the kitchen in her silken pajamas, reaching without hesitation for the pot of coffee like she has done every morning since she turned sixteen.
"At this point, we're just happy you and Shizune are too vanilla to send each other nudes. That would have been very awkward." She gave her uncle a rueful smile. "But don't worry, Hinata and Neji disconnected from the family cloud a long time ago, I only use it to access some of dad's work files."
Hizashi released the breath he didn't know he was holding. "Wait, what? What's vanilla?"
"Basically you and Shizune," Hiashi said matter of factly before foregoing his impassive face to share a malicious grin with his daughter.
"They mean you could maybe use a little bit of… spice in your interactions." Konohamaru tried to give Hizashi a subtle hint.
"Are you all saying our sexting is boring?" Hizashi deadpanned.
"Well…" Konohamaru hesitated.
"Yes." Hiashi and Hanabi cut in firmly.
"Well, I'm sorry my sex life has not been riveting enough for the lot of you." Hizashi scowled.
"Oh, you should definitely be sorry." Hiashi nodded in agreement. "For yourself, love. There's a whole world out there nowadays. All the possibilities…."
"Ok, no, we're not doing this." Hizashi refused categorically. Heavens knew he was not having a conversation about his sex life, at the breakfast table, with his twin, his niece, and her fiancé.
"Heterosexual relationships are notoriously boring, don't feel ashamed, Hizashi." Hiashi noted, still reading, unimpressed, the news of the day.
"Hey!" Hanabi exclaimed, offended.
"Not yours, my dear." He tapped his daughter's hands. "Not yours."
The young woman threw a grape at her fiancé when he snorted at her father's obvious sarcasm when trying to reassure her.
"Maybe try something new uncle," The younger Hyuga suggested, buttering her toast, and resolutely decided to ignore both her father and her future husband. "After all, you've been with Shizune for almost a year now."
"I have handcuffs I could lend you." Hiashi offered, his eyes shifting from the tabloid column to the sports one.
"Oh!" Konohamaru exclaimed, pointing in an agreeing manner at his future father-in-law. "That's a great idea."
"Definitely a start." Hanabi concurred.
No. Hizashi was definitely not going to take sex advice from his twin, niece and future nephew-in-law. Nope. Never. He was not even going to think about it anymore. No, sir no. He was not even going to-
"So where do I find those…handcuffs?" The younger twin sighed, resigned.
Hiashi smirked magnanimously, pretending to wipe a tear away. "Oh brother, this is the start of a new era."
"I'm already missing Neji and Tenten," Konohamaru commented.
"They were cute, weren't they?" Hiashi smirked.
Hanabi nodded. "Their 'we hate eachother but we love each other' is getting old, but I liked their awkward shows of affection. I'll give them eight out of ten. Definitely hope she'll be there next year though. Nii-san is more tolerable when she's around." She bit into her toast while Konohamaru nodded in agreement. "Where are Hinata and Naruto, anyway?"
"Baking cookies in the kitchen," Hizashi answered, captivated by his phone, typing 'How to disconnect from the cloud' in his google search app.
"Aw," Hanabi smiled, bringing her hand over her heart. "They are so cute, I could die."
Konohamaru scoffed. "If Naruto's the one baking, you will."