A/N: Just wanted to alert Naruhina shippers that the pairing will reappear only at the last chapter, just in case anyone is wondering.
Also, I think as of now, you all safely know I love writing crackish humour. But I like realistic crack, if I may say so myself. I think I draw my humour a lot from my favourite sitcoms like Community, Brooklyn 99, The Office, Superstore. I love how they create a warm, cozy and unbelievingly funny ambiance and I feel it is a bit reflected in my storytelling (well, I hope so!). In any case, here is to the most crackish chapter of this story, I hope you'll enjoy reading it almost as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Christmas Chaos
Chapter 13 : The curry of life
December 25th - 12:05PM
This must be his divine punishment for drooling all over Tenten like she was a piece of meat earlier. Neji was sure of it as he looked warily at the bright red curry that seemed almost alive and more ready to eat him than he was to eat it.
"You don't have to eat it." Tenten assured him, reading his thoughts.
"No, it's okay." Neji gulped, everybody who knew him knew he had a very low tolerance for spicy food.
"Come on, pretty boy." Uncle A laughed, slapping the Hyuga back with such force Neji almost spit out his stomach. "Show us how you can handle heat."
Neji took a deep breath followed by a spoonful of the curry under the watchful eye of Tenten.
He violently coughed on his first bite, earning a hearty laugh from the people around the table, but decided to push through. He looked up through his blurry vision to earn himself an unimpressed look from Tenten's meemaw.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Neji rarely swore and even less at himself. But he'll be damned if he failed at making Tenten's grandmother proud. So against his better judgement and the probable burning diarrhea he'd end up having later, Neji buckled up and shoved spoonful after spoonful of this satan-approved ruby-red volcano-fired-up mixture.
When he finally took the last spoonful to finish his meal at the dizzying speed of someone desperate to finish an unpleasant task quickly, he found a dozen pairs of eyes staring back at him awed.
"MY SON!" Gai exclaimed, teary-eyed. "ALREADY EMBRACING THE WAY OF THE YOUTHFUL CURRY OF LIFE."
"NEJI, MY ETERNAL RIVAL." Lee yelled, much to Gaara's discontentment who tightened his hold on Lee's hand. "I SHALL EAT TWICE THE CURRY IN HALF THE TIME TO PROVE MY YOUTHFULNESS."
"Neji," Tenten whispered, handing him a glass of water he eagerly took, his hand brushing hers in the process, gulping it down for dear life.
"Are you ok?" She asked worriedly, but he was too busy quenching his burning throat that felt like he had just swallowed a fire forest.
"Well, pretty boy got some grit, I'll give him that." A laughed, slapping Neji's back again.
At this rate he's going to give him a herniated disc. Tenten winced for her fake boyfriend.
"Now, that's a man to bring home, Little Tenten!" Meemaw grinned proudly, slamming the table with the ladle she used to serve everyone.
"No!" Tenten shouted back.
No, no, no. Of all the people, her Meemaw was the last person Tenten wanted to fool with her ruse, because the old woman hated everybody. It'd break her heart the most once Neji stopped showing up.
But her family didn't know all of that, and against the rising bile in her throat that her subterfuge was causing, Tenten had to remind herself she still needed to pretend she was madly in love with Neji Hyuga.
"I mean," Tenten looked over at the astounded looks her family gave her following her outburst and the hurt one her grandmother sported. "I mean," She began again, smiling nervously. "I'm just so surprised Meemaw, you never liked anyone else."
Her grandmother's face went from showing confusion to smug happiness. "Well that's because you never brought anyone worth my curry of life!"
Neji saw the old woman propping on her hip the cauldron, and branding with her other hand the ladle going back and forth from the frenetic movement of the cook's arm, droplets of corrosive spicy curry springing around much to Neji's horrified stare.
"At least he appreciates the fine arts of my cooking, not like the two other slobs you brought home." Meemaw added.
"Hey!" Kankuro protested.
"Oh, sorry, Kankuro." The old woman smiled sheepishly at the man. "Always forget you two dated."
"You know what," Kankuro eyed defiantly the curry bubbling in the cauldron. "Give it to me."
"Kankuro…" Tenten tried to stop him.
"Kankuro, don't be ridiculous." Suki threw him a look across the table.
He ignored them and turned his blazing eyes toward the perplexe grandma. "Serve me some curry, Meemaw!"
Neji wanted to say something to warn the poor boy to choose a different fate than he had chosen for himself, but as soon as he opened his mouth he went into another violent fit of coughs.
"Neji!" Tenten reached out for his hand, looking at him concerned and it melted his insides more than all of Meemaw's hot curry.
Meanwhile, Gai's mother beamed with joy at Kankuro and served him a hearty portion of the red mixture into the boy's plate who started wolfing down the spicy hot meal much the same way Neji did.
The Hyuga noticed everyone stopped eating and talking and kept looking worriedly at Kankuro who pushed through the pain and tears to finish every morsel of the celebrated dish in the Maitos' house.
"Last time Kankuro tried the curry of life, he ended up with bleeding haemorrhoids for weeks." Tenten explained to Neji, still catching his breath, looking strangely at the boy. "Kind of always suspected that's why he broke up with me a month later."
"No shit," Neji replied sarcastically through the big munch of bread he had stuffed in his mouth in hope it would calm down the five-alarm fire in his mouth.
Meemaw beamed brighter once Kankuro took the last bite of the curry, against all his survival instinct begging him to stop.
"That's my boy!" She was about to refill his plate, but Mikoto got mercy on the poor boy and stopped her inlaw before she sent him to the emergency room.
"Ah, well. Every good thing in moderation, I suppose." She smiled fondly at the young man.
"That'll be good for you, my boy." She turned around. "For you too, Neji. The curry of life is the best thing for stamina." She winked at the stunned boy. "If you know what I mean."
"Oh," Suki scoffed. "I'm sure he does."
"And I," A gritted through his teeth, tightening his hold on his spoon. "Am sure he. Does. Not." He poked Neji's clavicle with each of his words.
Now, Neji was not easily intimidated, being raised by Hiashi Hyuga and all, one could rarely feel gratified by a look of fear or even surprise from the boy. And truth be told, A was starting to hate that his usual tactics failed on the boy who simply always looked back at him calmly. If anything, Neji said nothing out of respect and not fear and that kind of dynamic, when concerning Tenten's boyfriends, was a bit too new for his liking. But then again, if A was honest with himself, he preferred that his niece found a man that could stand on his own rather than someone who overly tried to please him.
A glowered a bit more at Neji's impassive face and the younger man decided now was a good time to drink a bit more water.
"Ugh," Suki rolled her eyes. "You're so primitive A. Little Tenten is 30 and thank the heavens if she's starting to have a more enriching sex life after the fiasco Deidara had been."
Tenten choked on her curry and Neji spat his water.
"Suki!" Tenten shrieked. "Can we…" She looked around embarrassed. "Can we leave my sex life out of the Christmas brunch… please."
"Yeah, I'm with her on that." Darui said. "I really don't want to imagine Little Tenten a day older than sixteen, so if we could all just go back to the usual topics and speeches on youth Gai makes, that'd be great."
"Just remember that everything you do to her, you do to me." A grunted down to the seated Neji next to him.
"A!" Mikoto chastised him.
"Now, now, my dear A." Gai shook his head ceremoniously, smiling like he only did when he was about to bestow some golden chunk of his wisdom. "We have talked about how toxic masculinity is not a tool in the youthful toolbox of fatherhood. And since Darui talked about my youthful speeches on youth, now is as good a reminder as any that a vibrant sexual life based on consent and discovering your partner's blooming lotus of love is one of the most youthful thing one can have."
Everyone around the table groaned except for Suki.
"Well for once I agree with you, Gai." She snorted, razing her mimosa in his honour.
"Here we go again with that bullshit parenting advice for softies." A grumbled. "Little Tenten is still too young for that babbling nonsense on sexual liberty."
"She's thirty, A." Mikoto deadpanned, even if a bit on the prude side herself, she had to admit A was a bit too rigid in this area.
He solemnly put his big hand over his chest, his voice breaking ever so slightly. "And she'll always be thirteen, picking up daisies in the meadow for me."
"Uncle," Tenten reached over Neji to place her hand on her uncle's arm, then redirected her attention to the rest of her family who suddenly erupted in a heavy debate on Little Tenten's sex life or lack thereof, or wether she was too young or too old.
"She's still a baby!" Yara argued.
"Don't look at me, I want no part of this conversation." Darui looked away, bored.
"I trust Little Tenten is making the right choices." Yamato winked at the brunette, his mind still replaying the proposal he thought he had witnessed.
"I don't see why you are all so intent on controlling women's bodies." Suki shouted back.
"If we had it your way, everyone would be running around naked and frolicking around like hippies." A wiggled his spoon reproachfully at his little sister.
"Frolicking?" She snorted back at her older brother.
"Little Tenten is not little no more, but some things are better kept behind a closed door. Fool, ya fool!"
"Don't listen to them my dear sister! You have your right to experience as many youthful orgasms as you want."
"LEE! That was so youthfully said!"
"FATHER!"
"My son is a feminist!"
Lee sobbed in Gaara's shirt. "I have the best dad."
"I know, darling. I know." Gaara patted his boyfriend's head, rolling his eyes to the ceiling. God bless this family because they gave him his boyfriend, but may God bless his patience even more because the Maitos always tried his nerves.
With every decibel added by this cacophonic discussion she was the prime subject of, Tenten felt pressure building inside her as if she was a kettle forgotten on a burning stove. Maybe that's why when she finally blew, she didn't think twice before yelling:
"WILL YOU ALL JUST STOP THIS? It's not even like we did it more than once so I really don't see why all the fuss-"
Oh shit.
Tenten immediately clamped her hands over her mouth when Temari, who was seated just in front of her and next to Shikamaru, nearly got up from the surprise.
Neji swiftly turned on his seat, giving her an alarmed glare.
'Really.' He mouthed her.
'So sorry.' She mouthed back.
"You WHAT?" Temari asked. "You-
"Yeah, I'm with blondie on this one." Suki's eyes showed concern. "You slept with him once."
Tenten started stammering not knowing how to answer who. On one hand she hadn't had time to update Temari on that particular night and on the other, her aunt, like the rest of her family, were under the impression they had been together for months now and seemed quite surprised by their lack of intimacy.
"Well I guess that's not too bad." A grumbled, shoving a spoon of curry down his throat, still somewhat displeased.
"Once?" Yamato's eyebrows shot upwards at the intention of Neji, even with his taciturn personality and awkward flirting Yamato scored more than that. "Do you have trouble getting it…" Yamato made up and down movements with his forefinger. "You know, up." He whispered the last part which did no good because he was at the other end of the very long table and everyone heard it anyway.
Neji was about to indignantly protest but he was cut off by Suki.
"That's really bad." Suki shook her head disapprovingly. "And here I am sleeping with Little Tenten in her bedroom, completely vagina-blocking her."
Mikoto spat out her own mimosa.
"No, no, no." Suki refused. "I'll find myself another room…" She paused, suddenly realising something. "Oh no! You broke your bed!" She shook her head again in despair. "You know what? A hotel room, I'll pay you two a hotel room. I'll call my secretary right away-"
"Suki, it's Christmas morning." Yara deadpanned.
"I'm sure we can figure something out-" The older sister ignored her, typing furiously on her phone.
"Like hell you will!" A got up and reached over his brother Bee to confiscate Suki's phone right before she got to compose her secretary number. "Now how do you shut off this ridiculous thing?" He tried a few things before ending up in his sister's text messages. "Oh and whatever," He gave her back the phone, tired of it all. "And who the hell is Scrawny Boy with a heart and why has he left you four thousand messages on Christmas morning?" A bellowed in frustration.
Frustrated by their earlier discussion, his favourite niece growing up, this stupid technology or just because it was who he was a person, A couldn't say why but A was annoyed.
"Give me this!" Suki snatched her phone back, glaring at her brother.
"Still dating younger men, Suki is a cougar woman. Fool, ya fool!" Killer Bee joked.
"Shut your damn mouth, Bee." Suki glowered back which surprised everyone because normally she was the first one to joke about it or laugh at a joke about it.
"Suki, are you ok?" Yara asked worriedly and Mikoto reached out for her sister.
The oldest sister was about to respond but Kankuro decided now was the time to shakily get up and stand his ground.
'Sit down.' Suki angrily mouthed back, alarmed by the resolve she saw in his eyes.
But Kankuro did not listen and instead pointed a finger towards A. "I challenge you to Slap-The-Rhino."
The loudest and most piercing silence the Maitos' house ever held settled on the assembled family after a loud collective gasp.
"Well," A finally broke the silence, wiping delicately the corners of his mouth, before calmly getting up. "A Slap-the-Rhino challenge has officially been called, this shall take precedence over anything else, as per the rules."
Suki was the first one to react, getting up abruptly, holding on to her brother's arm, uselessly trying to stop him from walking to the basement.
"A, don't do this! Please!" She tried to reason with her brother, in vain. "The boy is just drunk on Meemaw's curry! That barely counts as consent. He doesn't know what he's saying."
"Yes, I do!" Kankuro crossed his arms adamantly.
"You shut up." She hissed at the young man.
Then, just like the Christmas miracle no one had dared to pray for:
"So, what did I miss?"
At the door of the dining room, A stopped dead in his tracks, slowly turning around in the deafening silence this sudden appearance casted on the family.
"Haku!" Mikoto was the first to get up, running to her sibling, sobbing in the process. She was quickly joined by Yara and Suki.
"We missed you dearly." Yara sobbed in harmony with her sister.
"Never leave like that again." Suki threatened Haku with her finger before lunging to hug her sibling.
"Isn't that your mother's sibling, Haku?" Neji whispered to Tenten. "The one we don't talk about?"
Tenten nodded, still looking awed at the sudden apparition of her family member. "Two years ago, Haku left without saying a single goodbye after a fight with my uncle A. Only left a letter to the family, saying there were some things Haku wanted to clarify about identity and gender and that this family wasn't an ideal environment for that kind of soul-searching. This broke uncle A's heart and since then we stopped talking about Haku because it was a sore subject for everyone."
Neji slowly nodded, well the Maitos certainly had their fair share of family drama.
"I tried the doorbell but nobody was answering." Haru chuckled. "Remembering how loud this family was, I thought I'd try the backdoor patio leading to the kitchen and dining room directly instead."
Mikoto, blinked, amazed. "Have you eaten?"
"I," Haku started, looking in particular at A, finding the words hard to get out. "I wanted to come back and tell you I found the answers to my questions. I…" Haku swallowed hard, hands sweating. "I now know I consider myself non-binary and my pronouns are they/them." They smiled, anxious but hopeful at the same time.
Their sisters instantly hugged them again and one by one their brothers came to hug them too, equally moved.
"I missed you, friend." Yamato hugged them tightly.
"Please don't leave that long, things have been crazy without you coming along." Killer Bee discreetly wiped a little tear.
"I thought you were dead." Darui breathed out in relief. "So happy you're back, bro- I mean sibling." He smiled sheepishly and Haku chuckled back.
Then they turned their head, apprehensively waiting for A to say something, but the oldest sibling was still left stupefied by the door of the dining room.
Last time both of them spoke, the siblings didn't leave on good terms.
"I," A cleared his throat. "I'm glad you're back, Haku." A finally allowed and Haku relaxed a little bit more.
Lee leapt from his seat. "I missed you so much!" He ran to his family member to hug them. "But do we still call you unc-"
"Pibling or pibble." A interjected, still looking blankly at his little sibling who looked back at him startled. "If I'm not mistaken," He explained, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. "That's a … non-binary word for uncle or aunt…" He tentatively smiled at Haku, trying to fight off the leaping emotions in his big chest. "...right?"
They nodded calmly, trying to get their bearings together. "How did you-?"
"I've been reading about it." A took an unsure step towards his sibling. "I'm sorry." The words finally found their way out of A's pride. "I always wanted to keep you all safe, yet I made this family unsafe for you and I," He reached out uncertainly to his family member. "I guess what I want to say is that it doesn't change that I love you, little sibling and I-"
A didn't have time to finish his sentence that Haku ran to hug him. The older brother did not hesitate to wrap his arms tightly around them, wanting to make sure he'd never lose his family again the way he did two years ago.
"I'm glad you're here, pibble Haku." Tenten hugged them with her brother Lee, once her uncle A let them go from his embrace.
Haku wiped a stubborn tear that found its way out no matter how hard they had tried at keeping it away.
"I'm glad to hear you all say that, because I'd like you to meet my boyfriend." Haru ran to the patio door they came from. "Zabuza!" They called out.
A shy tall man came to greet the family. When his significant other told him, let's go to Suna, you'll see it'll be fun, Zabuza had no idea he'd be meeting their family on Christmas morning, yet here he was.
"Hi!" Mikoto welcomed him warmly. "I'm Haku's sister, my pronouns are she/her!"
Now Zabuza was himself very new to the whole pronouns thing, since he had been dating Haku.
"He/him." He curtly replied, still a bit dazed.
"Did you two eat?" Meemaw ushered Yara and Suki to find other plates and spoons. "Here sit down, I'll-"
"Wait!" A raised a hand. "A Slap-The-Rhino challenge has been called."
"Seriously, A?" Suki glared at her brother. "I'm sure you can make an exception for our sibling who just came back after two years of absence."
A shook his head. "The rules are the rules."
"I don't mind." Haku smiled. "I missed Slap-The-Rhino. Maybe you can play with Zabuza after, he's quite good at those sorts of things." They continued to smile sweetly.
"It's settled then." A concluded.
December 25th - 2:33 PM
At first, A decided to go easy with Kankuro, letting him slitter out of his grasp more than a couple times. First, because he kind of appreciated the guts the man had to challenge him like he did, and A thought he might as well let him lose with a bit of dignity. Then, there was also the sudden apparition of his sibling that made this challenge the perfect opportunity for the grown man to channel his feelings.
But after half-an-hour of indulging the boy, A finally had enough of it and swiftly brought him on the ground while the people gathered started counting the five seconds before he could yell "slap the rhino".
5…
4…
But something boggled A as to why, so suddenly, this quiet aloof kid had challenged him.
3…
Maybe…
2…
"Wait," A suddenly got up, helping Kankuro up who immediately put himself in fighting mode, raising his fist when he looked more battered than ready to battle.
"Why are you doing this, Kankuro?" A asked.
"I want to prove my worth to you." He replied, shifting his weight around, ready for another fight.
A sighed. "Obviously, but why."
"Because… because…" Kankuro slowly turned around to give a look to Suki, who was right next to Tenten. "I want to win her back."
A groaned. "Just what I feared. Look, I have nothing against you, really. You're a sweet kid and all. But, Little Tenten, she has moved on from you. She's happy with Neji, Yamato said they might get engaged soon and-"
"What!" Her mother sprung from her seated position and sat back down when she saw her daughter furiously shaking her head in the negative.
A ignored her. "Anyway, just." He put an empathetic hand on the man's shoulder. "Just let Tenten go."
Kankuro looked dumbfounded at A. "Why are you talking about Tenten, I don't care about her."
"You don't?" A's eyebrows shot upward.
"No! I always forget we even dated." Kankuro protested.
"Geez, thanks." Tenten rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.
Neji chuckled and put an arm around her shoulders bringing her closer and she reciprocated quickly by wrapping her arms around his waist, pouting against his chest. Both of them stiffened instantly, they kept forgetting they were fake dating and when they remembered they still had to keep pretending and, God dammit it was all getting too complicated for the couple. Well, fake couple.
"Wait, then who's this for?" A asked, puzzled.
"Suki!" Kankuro exclaimed, letting his love explode.
"Oh for fuck's sake." Suki groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose in annoyance. "That's it, you freaking moron you did it."
"Wait, what?" A shook his head. "Suki, is this true?"
Then something seemed to lit up in A's brain. "Wait, is he Scrawny Boy with a heart?"
Suki looked away embarrassed, crossing her arms over her chest defensively. "Yes." She finally let out. "But we broke up." She turned to glare at Kankuro. "I'm sorry Little Tenten." She gave her niece an apologetic gaze.
"I honestly don't care, auntie." Tenten reached out to squeeze her hands. "I just want you to be happy."
"See!" Kankuro explained, suddenly hopeful. "She too doesn't mind! And it isn't like we even dated that long! And it was a lifetime ago."
Tenten swiftly turned around to look at the foolish man, glaring daggers at him. "Kankuro, we dated for three years, you moron!" She gritted.
"And it felt like 3 days." Kankuro didn't even look at Tenten, rushing to take Suki's hands in his, completely entranced by the woman's face. "But with you, Suki, three months felt like a lifetime of happiness."
"Is he trying to hurt me?" Tenten gritted, back to Neji's side, her hands in fists.
Neji couldn't help but smirk. "Now, now. Little Tenten, don't let your ego ruin this."
The brunette turned to glare at him, wiggling her finger at the Hyuga. "You're enjoying this a bit too much."
Neji shrugged, bringing her closer. "If it's any consolation," He whispered in her ear so only she could hear, relishing in the shivers he knew he caused her. "For me it feels like six years that I'm fake-dating you."
Tenten turned around to redirect her death glare at him. "Somehow, it does not help." She seethed and Neji grinned at her.
"I love you Suki." Kankuro declared again.
"Am I dreaming or is my brother madly in love with your aunt?" Temari whispered to Tenten.
"Thank God your parents left before brunch for a last emergency for tomorrow's ball." Tenten let out.
"Why?" Gaara frowned. "If anything they would have been overjoyed." He scooted deeper in his boyfriend's embrace who was sniffing at the scene in front of them.
"Overjoyed?" Tenten raised a brow.
"They lost all hope Kankuro would ever be interested by anything else than video games or designing them." Temari snorted. "I bet they would have been even ok with Meemaw at this point." Temari's smirked at Tenten's shocked expression. "So him ending up with a bomb like your aunt - who really deserves better in my opinion, I love my brother and all but…"
Tenten shook her head, in a way relieved and happy her aunt would have a chance to live out her love story if uncle A could find it in him to not ruin it.
"Suki's in love like Romeo and Juliet, but Kankuro hasn't won the battle just yet. Fool ya fool!" Bee commented, anxiously waiting on how this would all be resolved in the end.
"Man, this is making me feel single as fuck." Darui complained.
Yamato clapped his brother's shoulders. "I can't relate, I have a girlfriend."
Darui threw a consterned look at his brother. "What? The fuck, since when?"
"Don't let the fear of what others will think impede us from loving each other." Kankuro's desperate eyes dug into Suki's uncertain ones under the bewildered stare of A.
"Is this true?" A asked his sister incredulously. "Do you really love… this scrawny boy?"
Suki's hesitation felt like it lasted a lifetime as her eyes darted back and forth from the man holding her hands to the disbelieving stare of her older brother she had always tried to make proud even if it would kill her to admit it.
When she finally made a decision, she held Kankuro's hands back, squeezing them tightly in her hands.
"Yes," She said firmly. "Yes, I love this fool." She looked straight at her lover, tears brimming her eyes.
She turned her fearful gaze to her brother who seemed like a thousand bricks had just hit him.
"Suki," Mikoto whispered, reaching for her sister's shoulder. "Why didn't you tell us?"
"We would have supported your choices, you know that." Yara added.
"I think you make a lovely couple, sister." Haku felt the need to add, after all, if someone could relate to being shunned by society for whom they loved, it would be them.
After what felt like an eternity of waiting on her brother's verdict, A finally cleared his throat.
"I never thought I'd see the day you'd want to settle down with someone." A admitted astounded. "And you're sure it's with him?" He confirmed again.
Suki nodded vigorously.
"Well, then…" A took a step forward. "I'm just happy you're happy Suki. Age is just a number and if Haku taught me something," He gave a fond look to his sibling. "It's that there are things you can't choose."
Suki choked on a sob, jumping to hug her brother. "Thank you, A."
"Family is family, Suki. We'll always support you, you know that." A assured, hugging his sister back.
"You sure do a lot of hugging in this family." Neji muttered, shivering in fear.
Tenten smiled slyly at her guest. "Don't say the word hugging too loud or my father and Lee will appear to give you one."
Neji gave her a terrified look and she laughed right back.
"Well," A rolled his eyes, completely burned from the discussions on Tenten's sexualty, Haku's non-binary gender and now his sister's taboo romance. "At least no one came out as vegan."
"Well, about that…" Darui rose up.
"Can it wait for next year?" A groaned, raising a hand to cover his face in utter annoyance.
Darui immediately sat down. "Sure, sure, sure." He exchanged a silly grin with Yamato.
"Don't worry Darui." Meemaw whispered to him. "My curry of life is a hundred percent vegan." She winked at him and he grinned back.
"I'll make a vegan Christmas dinner next year." Mikoto whispered to her brother too. "My fans will love it. Oh!" She exclaimed. "I could even publish my sixth cooking book 'A vegan Christmas : food, love and peace.'" Mikoto clapped her hands, dreamily imagining next year's gathering.
December 25th - 7:38pm
After such an eventful day, Neji took comfort in the Maitos' tradition to play charade at the end of Christmas day. Nothing like a pleasant family game to lighten up the mood.
Or so they thought.
If everyone knew Tenten was dangerously competitive, nobody knew how aggressively competitive Neji was and how both of them seemed to hype each other even more in their thirst for blood and victory.
When they decided to play charades playing couples against couples, they had no idea they would be causing a cataclysmic reaction.
"Why am I paired with Yamato," Darui complained.
"Well, next time find yourself a significant other." Yamato suggested.
If everyone scored fairly well, nothing came close to how quick and accurately Tenten and Neji fired descriptions and correct answers at each other.
"It should be illegal for two stubborn and sore losers like them to team up." Temari watched them warily.
"Their kids are going to be one hell of competitive monsters and overachievers." Shikamaru shivered, exhausted just by thinking of the possibility of mini-Nejis and mini-Tentens destroying everything in their way.
"Oh wow. I think I just had a vision on how the world ended and it involved one of their kids coming second at a random competition." Temari smirked at Shikamaru who lazily grinned back.
Meanwhile, Neji and Tenten were still firing correct answer after correct answer in this charade game, under the intent gaze of everyone in the room whose eyes quickly darted from Neji to Tenten when they spoke.
"Look at them," Suki whispered to Kankuro. "Look at how they're putting all their pent-up sexual tension in this game." She grinned slyly.
"You're so sexy when you're sassy." Kankuro whispered huskily.
"And you were so sexy when you challenged my brother." Suki purred at him.
"Your uncle called that vegetable the disgrace of the cauciferous family." Tenten shot at Neji with a youthfulness that was scaring even Lee.
"The cauci-what now?" Darui whispered, confused, at his brother Bee who shrugged in response.
"Horseradish!" Neji almost yelled back.
"The animal Hanabi put in your room when you were twelve."
"Albino rat."
"Yes!" Tenten threw the card on the table next to the other discarded cards so her family members could see the guess words.
"We shouldn't have allowed the use of insides." Gaara grumbled, displeased that Lee and he would be losing Christmas Charades for the first time in the decade they have been dating.
"I thought they were only dating for a few months." Lee's eyes gleamed with pride. "They know each other so youthfully." His bottom lip trembled in awe.
"That BTS song we made you listen to six times in a row with Hanabi!" Tenten rose from her seat in excitement to face an already standing up Neji.
"Butter!"
"Now the expression for someone clumsy!"
"BUTTER FINGERS!" Neji shouted back.
"YES!" Tenten could have kissed that genius.
"Oh! Oh!" Tenten exclaimed, reading the last card. "Where I almost lost my life the second time in Haepo!"
"Devil's Drop?" Neji asked with uncertainty.
"Yes, but as an adjective to say pretty!" Tenten looked expectantly at him, her eyes darting on the digital timer saying they had two seconds left.
"DROP DEAD GORGEOUS." Neji yelled and the buzzer went off.
Tenten screamed in delight at their perfect twenty points score, crushing their competition. She was jumping into place when Neji shouted "WE WON!" and reached to victory-hug her.
In their overly excited state, nothing had felt more natural than Tenten jumping at him, Neji reaching under her thighs to lift her up and her closing her legs and arms around him. Maybe if they hadn't been so blinded by victory, they could have stopped themselves before they both went for each other's lips into a hungry kiss that would have lasted more than a couple seconds had they not been called back to order by uncle A quite quickly.
Neji and Tenten immediately let go of one another, looking everywhere but at each other, and mostly not at the knowing smiles Shikamaru and Temari were giving them, nor at the bewildered stares they got for Tenten's family.
"That was a bit too youthful." Gai murmured, his eyes wide.
"Well, you guys definitely need some quality time…" Suki trailed, before taking a sip of her white wine. "Once definitely was not enough." She let out, her smile faded quickly when she saw Kankuro's distraught features.
Kankuro came back with the industrial amount of chocolate Suki had brought and put it on the living-room table where everybody rushed to grab some.
"Are you ok?" Suki asked Kankuro worriedly, who turned back to look bewildered at the woman.
He nodded, unsure, absentmindedly taking his lover's hand who felt dread building in her stomach at Kankuro's sudden and unusual behaviour. But she didn't have time to further question him that her brother rose, clinking his wine glass to get everyone's attention, with the watch Darui had just bought him for Christmas
"Well," A called everyone back to order. "Congratulations to Tenten and Neji for winning this year's charades contest. Let's hope next time they win, they'll spare us… their celebration." A coughed his embarrassment away. "In any case, as this ends this Christmas day, I would like to make a declaration."
Mikoto sprung to her feet. "Wait! I'm just setting up my live."
Years of being an influencer has taught Tenten's mom to recognize when something important would happen, and her brother A, who rarely spoke let alone made announcements, was content she didn't want to miss with her followers.
A rolled his eyes but allowed his sister the pleasure nonetheless.
"First, a toast." A rose his glass and everyone hurried to find theirs to copy his movement. "To old family finding their way back home." A winked at Haku. "To scrawny boy and pretty boy entering this family." He gave a small nod to both of them.
Neji smirked, but Kankuro didn't even seem like he registered the information.
"And," He reached out for his wife's hands so she could stand beside him. "And to the family that has yet to come."
Mikoto was the first one to understand and gasped loudly.
"We're pregnant!" Mabui announced proudly as A sneaked a hand around her waist.
"Wait what?" Yara got up way faster than an eight-months lady should.
Everyone knew that during the last decade Mabui and A had tried desperately to have a child, going through numerous IVFs and the escalating tension almost ended up in a divorce right before the holidays.
"I will be the best uncle, if anyone ever tries to hurt them, I'll break their knuckles! Fool, ya fool!" Bee rushed to hug both of them.
"Congratulations brother!" Darui shouted, jumping on A, quickly followed by all the other siblings.
For once, Suki was just as much teary-eyed than her other two sisters, so it was with a lot of confusion that she watched Kankuro stand up again in the living while Gai was serving the champagne he had just brought from downstairs.
"Actually, we have an announcement, too." Kankuro tentatively smiled at Suki.
"No, we don't." The older woman looked at him alarmingly confused, taking a sip of her champagne wondering what the hell he meant by that.
Kankuro smiled sweetly at her. "It's ok, you have my full support." He turned towards the rest of the puzzled family.
He rose the pregnancy test he found earlier while getting the chocolates and solemnly declared:
"We're pregnant too."
The deafening silence that followed as everyone looked, mouths agape, at Kankuro was only broken by both Tenten and Suki spitting out their champagne simultaneously.
"Like hell we are." Suki gritted through her teeth. "Give me that!" She snatched the stick from Kankuro's hands.
Tenten gave an alarmed look at Temari who seemed ready to be swallowed whole by the earth.
Fuck, Temari must have confused aunt Suki's suitcase for mine. Tenten bit down her lip worriedly, thankfully everyone's eyes were turned towards Suki and Kankuro.
'What do we do?' Temari mouthed to her friend.
"Kankuro," Suki massaged her temples, trying to reign in the few drops of patience she had left. "I tied my tubes eight years ago. I can't have children." She worded it as if she was talking a child. "Plus," She branded the test. "That test isn't mine."
"It's not yours?" Kankuro asked back dumbly and breathed out in relief when Suki shook her head no. "Oh, thank God." He sat down relieved. "I wanted to support you and all, but I really hate kids."
Suki sat down next to him, cupping his cheek and dreamily looked up at his brown eyes. "Me too, I hate them so much you have no idea."
"Moon of my life." Kankuro was ready to devour her.
"Stars of my destiny." Suki bit his bottom lip.
"Ok…" Yara seemed creeped out. "Never saw two people make their hatred for kids such a romantic moment." She rolled her eyes when they started making out and was about to say something, but decided she would do like she did for the past thirty-five years of her life and mind her own damn business.
"Wait," A seemed to be adding stuff up in his head. "If this isn't your test." He pointed at a breathless Suki swiftly rearranging her skirt when her brother called her back to order. "And if you," He pointed to Kankuro. "Found this in Suki's suitcase that is in Little Tenten's room…"
A stopped, his eyes widening, slowly coming to the only possible conclusion his brain were able to find...
And it was like everyone reached that conclusion at the very same time in a loud cacophonic moment.
Tente sprang from her seat, her hands up in her defence, but really there was nothing she could do without outing her best friend. And since very few people knew about the engagement, she doubted Temari had time to even tell her brothers about her pregnancy.
On his side, Neji choked on his water, his brains forgetting he hasn't even been dating Tenten Maito for the past months. It didn't even compute in his gigantic overworking brains that it was mathematically impossible for Tenten to already have a positive test from their intercourse
Mikoto gasped, raising up. "I'm going to be a grandmother?" She brought her hands over her mouth before exploding in an earth-shattering joyful scream.
"YOU BASTARD-" A lunged toward who was quickly stopped by Bee before his hands reached for the Hyuga's swan-like neck.
"A BABY?" Gai sobbed. "A BABY IS THE MOST YOUTHFUL OF ALL THE YOUTHFUL THINGS."
"A B-BROTHER AND A N-NIECE OR N-NEPHEW." Lee sobbed. "I NEVER WANT THIS YOUTHFUL CHRISTMAS TO END."
"For fuck's sake." Gaara grumbled, getting up to the Maitos' bar. "Where's the vodka when you need it?"
"We're having a baby!?" Neji finally let out between two coughs trying to clear his airways from the water he had inhaled from the shocking news.
Tenten turned to astounded at the usually genius surgeon who, of all times, decided to be incredibly stupid at the worst situation possible.
"Are you dumb?" She hissed at him and this seemed to be enough to shake him off his stupor.
"Oh, yes, true." Neji mumbled, realising he got way too ahead of himself. And behind the adrenaline in his blood slowing down, there was a bitter feeling almost akin to disappointment.
"Can you all stop this?" Tenten finally shouted loud enough to overpower her family's chaotic reaction. "I can explain everything… I…"
Her eyes darted from her uncle A, arms crossed, stomping his foot, impatiently waiting for said explanation; to her best friend's eyes.
"I…" Tenten trailed, unsure.
"You…" A urged, towering over his niece.
Tenten couldn't think of a good reason to explain this quiproquo. All she could think of was to say this was a prank of some sort but her family would never buy this.
"Temari." Shikamaru murmured at his fiancé, reassuringly stroking her hand, giving her a slight nod as if to tell her all would be well.
She tighetedher hold on her boyfriend's hand, shakily breathing in. "Ok." She agreed.
While Tenten was still struggling to find something to say, Neji had got up to stand next to her, also wanting to help out but not knowing how.
Shikamaru made his way to the tripod where Mikoto's phone was still recording the drama on her Instagram live and closed it, giving the go ahead to Temari.
The sandy blonde nodded and took a deep breath.
"It's actually mine." She wrought her fingers, anxiously waiting for a reaction while Shikamaru came back by her side, sneaking a hand around her waist. "Well, ours." She let her hand rest on his torso and her head fall on his shoulder. "We're getting married this winter!"
"What?" Kankuro hastily got up. "I knew about the engagement, but I didn't know you guys were pregnant." He grinned foolishly. "I couldn't be happier!"
Temari turned around to her brother whose mouth was still on the bottle of vodka he had minded himself to drink until oblivion.
Gaara slowly pulled the bottle down, his eyes slowly blinking at his sister.
"I'm… I'm…" The redhead's eyes teared up. "I'm going to be an uncle?" The sobs started coming up as Lee rushed to hug his boyfriend. "I-I'm going to be an uncle." Now Gaara was rightfully bawling in his boyfriend's chest, the roles inversed to the stupefaction of Temari and Tenten who watched Lee lift a crying Gaara in the air.
"YOU'LL BE THE MOST YOUTHFUL UNCLE, MY LOVE!" Lee's tears were freely rolling down, matching his boyfriend's.
"Oh, wow," A breathed, suddenly dizzied by all the arrays of emotions he had just experience.
"A, are you ok?" Mikoto asked him brother worried.
"He looks like he's having a heart attack, all sweaty and dizzy like a drunken yak. Fool, ya fool!" Killer Bee laughed.
"I really thought this was it." A breathed in deeply, a hand on his palpitating heart as he sat down next to Mabui, letting his head fall over the sofa's backrest. "Never do this to me again." He raised his head to weakly threaten his niece.
"She's thirty, A!" Both Yara and Suki yelled out, exasperated, while Mikoto simply chuckled.
"Well," She sighed, a bit disappointed, wrapping an arm around her daughter's shoulder. "Next Christmas maybe?" She winked.
Tenten laughed nervously. "I wouldn't count on it just yet…" She tried to reason her mother but she was too focused on A still trying to calm down his racing heart.
"I don't know Mabui," A shook his head, resting a hand on her belly growing life inside her. "I don't think I can survive it if we end up having a daughter."
Mabui laughed, putting her hand over his. "You'll be a terrific father." She smiled at him. "Terrifying to all her future boyfriends, and probably too overprotective." She teased him. "But a terrific father indeed."
December 25th - 23:07 PM
Message from Tenten to you(23:07) : Wanna go for another walk?
Message to Tenten (23:07) : Meet you outside in five?
Minutes later, Tenten ran up to Neji on the evening-cold sand of the beach behind her home.
She grinned at him. "You survived Christmas with my family."
"Barely," He smirked at her. "Between slapping the rhino and the curry of life… I almost didn't make it. How many other tests to prove my youthful manliness do the Maitos and your uncle A have in store for me?"
Tenten laughed. "Many." She grinned at him.
He smiled at her, reaching for her hand and Tenten felt like a teenage girl again, falling in love for the very first time, butterflies cushioning her heart.
She looked over at Neji, looking at his phone thoughtfully. "Everything alright?"
"I don't know." Neji frowned, lost in thoughts. "With your mother's live announcing your 'pregnancy'... well I received so many texts from relatives."
"Well, obviously. Ino is still harassing me with calls." Tenten laughed. "I decided to turn it off." She shrugged.
"Yeah but my uncle didn't send a text." Neji looked up at the cloudy night sky, deep in thought. Only a few reasons could explain his uncle's unusual silence and Neji liked none of them, mostly the one he thought most probable while he scrutinised the obscured sky.
"So how are you doing sleeping with my uncles in the basement?" She teased him, trying to lighten his worried mind.
"Yamato and Darui are good." He shrugged. "But your uncles A and Bee's snorefest on the other hand…" He trailed. "Thankfully, Lee gave me earplugs." He said, showing her the caoutchouc buds safely tucked in his pyjamas' pockets. "What about Suki?"
"She went to the Sands' house." She wiggled her eyebrows and Neji smirked back.
They happily walked along the beach like they had done yesterday. Talking to Neji came so easily for Tenten that it felt like she had been his best friend for ages. There was nothing she didn't feel comfortable sharing with him, mostly that he had seen all there was to see of her life and heard all there was to hear of her past.
Neji couldn't believe how naturally conversation flowed with Tenten. How easy it was to let her in, emotionally and physically. He wrapped his arms around her with a disarming facility that only rivalled the effortless way he let her in mentally.
When they were near the patio door again, shaking sand off their feet, Neji took her hand again.
"Hey," He murmured softly while they entered the dimly-lit kitchen and she looked at him directly. "I wanted to talk to you about something."
"Yes," Tenten looked at him, hoping against all hopes he'd say all the foolish things her heart was begging to hear.
"I-" He began but the doorbell rang at that exact moment.
Tenten frowned, walking to the door, Neji in tow. "Who could it be this late? Maybe aunt Suki is back?"
She was about to reach for the door but her mother came rushing down her room, running to get the door like a high school girl going to her first date with the neighbourhood's bad boy.
"I got it!" Her mother said, opening the door quickly.
Tenten's jaw nearly hit the floor while Neji rolled his eyes.
"So that's why I didn't receive any text." Neji mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I expected it from you," Neji glared accusingly at his uncle's gloating sly smirk. "But not from you." He looked disapprovingly at his father's sheepish smile.
"Mikoto-san graciously offered to have us over for the rest of the holidays." Hiashi sweetly smiled at the ecstatic mother who was almost bouncing up and down with joy. "And your Suna relatives have been so insistent we come visit them."
"Oh, how convenient." Neji looked at his uncle, unimpressed. "Then why not stay with our dear relatives, then?" Neji gritted.
"Well," Hiashi's side-smile did not falter, if anything it seemed to grow. "How could we refuse Mikoto-san's most generous offer, when, after all, we're all going to share the joys of grandparenting."
His malicious glance finally landed on a burned out Tenten who pinched her nose in her aggravated state.
She looked down at her watch.
23:58 PM
"We almost made it out unscathed from this chaotic Christmas." Tenten mumbled, she had rejoiced too quickly earlier.
"Yeah well, buckle up, because I can recognize my uncle's expression among a thousand." Neji's lips were pressed in a thin line. "Hiashi Hyuga has a plan and he came prepared."
Tenten shivered at what sounded like a threat and swiftly turned to look at Hiashi and Hizashi entering her home, the older brother's scheming smirk settling on her.
"We won't make it out alive, are we?" Tenten looked straight ahead at the two Hyuga patriarchs talking with her too-energetic-for-midnight parents.
"The chances are getting slimmer and slimmer." Neji grimily agreed.
A/N : I'm so glad I finally finished December 25th ! Sorry for the mistakes and typos, I'm rushing to get this story out so I'm barely editing before posting. I know it's bad but otherwise I'm afraid my perfectionism will freeze me on the spot and I wouldn't update for a few weeks. We only have two days left, and hopefully this story will be a wrap. At this point, I'm just hoping my overactive imagination is going to slow down just a little bit so this story can finally come to an end. One day. I still believe. At first I was going to make it all fit in one chapter but then I got the pregnancy test idea last minute and decided to split it in two. So here is the other half that came in a quicker update!
I was not sure I wanted to add the Haku storyline, but I have been trying to make my stories more inclusive and it was also a way for me to start researching inclusive writing for non-binary folks. And also, I wanted to play out on what Tenten sad in last chapter "We don't talk about Haku" which obviously is a nod (a bow really) to the masterpiece Encanto's We Don't Talk About Bruno from Emmanuel-Lin Miranda (in love).
Also, I'm so happy you all guessed where I was going with the pregnancy test, bahahaha. I'm content with how things turned out, I tried to give more depth to the side characters because I feel it just uplifts the romance parts of the story and also add to the comedy plot lines.
Finally, I added the twins in a last minute idea. Really came out of nowhere and I hesitated a bit because it's tricky juggling with so many characters at once, but we'll be seeing less/no more of Tenten's uncles and aunts now and I wanted to play out the Gai/Hiashi dynamic and even the Hiashi/A dynamic, competing as future-best-uncle. We'll see how it goes!
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! Tell me what's your favourite chapter so far and what you'd like to see more in the last three chapters!
Much love!