Chapter 27

Philip was glad to hear Willow call out to Hunter and Gus the moment Hunter transported them into the church building successfully. The relief he felt was one he hadn't felt in so long.

However, when Philip's blue glowing orbs met the mixed expressions painted on Father Francis and Sister Margaret's faces, he couldn't bear to hold their gaze. A wave of guilt washed over him, especially at how roughed up the boys must look. They were hurt thanks to him.

He had gone out to save the children, to keep them safe, but, instead, they ended up hurt.

Then he realized how monstrous he must appear to them too, even though it was a fitting reflection of who he was… But he definitely couldn't help but feel shame for being so exposed above his waistline. He had to suppress the urge to pathetically cover himself when Luz, Camila, Amity, and Masha came rushing into the room.

Unsettlingly, he sensed additional eyes upon him, he wasn't sure from who though.

He felt someone approach him a little too close for comfort, causing him to instinctively take a few steps back. His gaze briefly shifted towards Camila, who pulled the boys into a tight embrace, expressing the intense relief a mother would have to have her children safely returned. He noticed Hunter wiping his eyes, most likely tears, showing emotions that in the past, Philip didn't want to believe he used to have, or at least would fake them.

The boy was most likely going through overwhelming feelings of joy by the fact someone like Camila was genuinely worried for him, and most likely loved him.

'Instead of manipulating and hurting him…' the dark voice hissed in Philip's mind.

"Oh Dios, qué te pasó, Gus?" Philip heard Camila gasp, her hands cradling the younger boy's face as she noticed the wounds he had sustained in the fight with Elizabeth and her people. "Please don't tell me it was Philip who-"

"Some humans attacked us out of nowhere," Hunter interjected.

Philip couldn't get annoyed at Camila for instinctively blaming him for the kids' injuries.

Honestly, it was indeed his fault the kids got hurt…

'And you have no idea how long I've waited to possess something like you...' Elizabeth's voice resonated in his mind.

Forcing his eyes to shut, he did his best to fight off the sickening sensation that churned in the pit of his stomach from the phantom touch of Elizabeth's fingers caressing his hair, his face, his body.

'It's still nothing to what you have done to others...' the voice reminded him.

Right…

He had inflicted far greater harm upon others, especially Hunter, who had the scars to prove it.

He forced down his emotions in connection to Elizabeth and drifted his thoughts to Hunter. Even now, he couldn't comprehend why Hunter had come back for him. The boy had declared he was done with him. Truth be told, Philip wouldn't have harbored any resentment if Hunter had abandoned him. Not after all the pain he had put the boy through.

He didn't deserve the boy's compassion. And that was why Hunter had returned to him. Hunter was kind, much like… Caleb… Unlike Philip, who seemed to bring destruction to everything he touched.

'Or simply wallow in self-pity…' the dark voice scoffed.

Guilt tightened Philip's chest as he recognized his tendency to dwell on his own sorrows, as always.

As…

Always…

His hands clenched into fists, a twisted part of him yearning for Hunter to have left him behind with Elizabeth, to forget about everything and eventually feel nothing in her grasp. It would have made things easier for everyone.

But it would have rendered him a complete coward.

He recalled how Sister Margaret had told Elizabeth that he wasn't a coward, but…

'You are one… You can't even apologize to anyone for what you've done,' the dark voice hissed.

No… he hasn't apologized to anyone not because he was a coward, but because he didn't believe it would serve any purpose. He didn't desire a second chance, nor did he seek forgiveness from anyone because what he has done was unforgivable. So, what was the point of uttering apologies?

'I believe they deserve at least an apology,' Masha's voice played in his head.

But… they wouldn't believe he was being sincere…

'Excuses…'

They would assume he was manipulating them.

'You can't admit to them you were wrong…'

He didn't deserve to be forgiven.

'That's not the point of apologizing…'

"Come on, Hunter," Gus's voice reached Philip's pointy ears. Philip turned his gaze towards Hunter, while Gus followed Sister Lilian.

Philip felt the urge to say something, but…

It was best for the children to continue thinking he was still their enemy.

'Coward,' the dark voice whispered.

No…

His playing the bad guy was definitely the best decision he could make, especially for Hunter. The boy no longer deserved to endure his presence. His existence should burden no one in the room. It was imperative for him to focus on creating the portal and ensuring the children's safe return to the Boiling Isles, far away from Elizabeth and her men.

There was no point in him doing anything else; it would be so selfish of him otherwise. "Hunter…" The name escaped his lips without him realizing it, even shocking him to his core. He saw the boy tense up, making him feel sick from his reaction. The boy probably expected him to say something cruel again…

Then he watched as Hunter briskly walked away, causing panic to surge within him. Internally, he screamed at himself to let the boy go, to remain silent, but something inside drove him to voice the words he had yearned to say to Hunter in recent days, even if it was so selfish of him.

"I'm sorry…"

Hunter froze in his tracks.

The entire room fell dead silent. Philip's gaze remained fixed on the boy, ignoring the mixed expressions plastered across everyone's faces. Most wore looks of utter astonishment, while others, like Luz and Amity, appeared shocked - everyone caught off guard.

For a fleeting moment, the minds of those present went blank, unable to respond, their attention fixated on Hunter, still motionless, his back to Philip, his eyes wide with what seemed like shock.

At first, the boy thought his mind was playing tricks on him, but gradually when it dawned on him that he heard the man clearly, a wave of rage began to run through him, causing him to close his eyes tightly and clench his fists.

The boy dared not face the man - no; he refused to do so.

Truth be told, Hunter had never expected his uncle to ever utter an apology in his whole life. For so long, the boy had always believed he was at fault for Belos's outbursts, for defying him, for failing to meet his expectations, for failing to uphold the Golden Guard's mantle.

Even the scars he had on his body caused by Belos, he thought he deserved them…

So yes, an apology from Belos had never crossed his mind. The only time he had thought about it was when Camila demanded the man to give him one, after he had commanded him to end his own life in front of others.

And even then… even when the others wanted Belos to give him an apology, he still didn't believe he deserved it, thus why he had been okay with the notion of the puzzle…

Of course, days ago, he realized that he didn't deserve what Belos had done to him. He didn't deserve every cruel word or lash he got from the man.

All Hunter wanted was his love, his approval, and from what he had been experiencing with Camila, who had done nothing but been supportive and caring, it had taught him that Belos was just a monster.

So, with Belos apologizing to him now, something he had never expected to happen, he couldn't help but feel frustration suffocate him.

He felt the urge to cry, to yell at him. Like seriously, what kind of sick joke was this?

Belos had always been adept at manipulating his emotions, knowing precisely when to do so. Hell, he was a genius at it. So, Hunter mentally questioned if Belos was attempting to reclaim his most prized tool, to use him. Hunter had proven his usefulness to Belos, fighting alongside him against those creatures and rescuing him from some woman who sought to possess him like some sort of pet.

Maybe now that the man was in danger, he needed him back by his side like the loyal guard he used to be, to protect him. Because that's all he ever was to Belos, what all the grimwalkers were meant to be: mere tools for his utilization, discarded once their purpose had been served, to be replaced.

For a moment, he despised himself for going back to Belos. But then Hunter reminded himself he had done so because he wasn't like him. He wasn't someone who would casually dismiss someone's life as if it were nothing. Frankly, Hunter had never taken a life before. It had never settled well with him.

That's why when he had been ordered to kill that sea monster back in the Boiling Isles, he had made Luz do it to keep his conscious clean.

After a moment of dealing with his racing throughs, he noticed the weight of the room's silence and felt the gazes on him, most likely anticipating his response.

He imagined Belos expecting him to forgive him, to kneel before him and return by his side like a desperate child yearning for a mere scrap of affection.

He imagined the others waiting for him to lash out at him, just as he had done at Luz's house.

However, his heart couldn't bear either scenario; his chest was already squeezing so tightly due to the conflicting feelings that threatened to suffocate him more than ever.

The exhaustion from the recent fights he endured also were taking a toll on his body and mind, overwhelming him.

No…

He had to be better than this.

He was not his to do as he pleased anymore, constantly hurting him in any way he could.

He was done with the manipulation, the control, and the endless cycle of abuse.

Hunter did his best to gather the little bit of strength he had left to force all his emotions down to the pit of his being so he could feel nothing for now, at least not in front of that monster.

After he was successful in calming himself down, his gaze fixed on the path ahead before he continued to walk away, doing his best to view Belos as just a nightmare he wished to leave behind.

Philip couldn't help but feel the chilling cold that gripped his core like the icy grasp of a winter night by how the boy strode away, vanishing down the corridor.

He, too, became frozen in place when he uttered the apology. In that moment, he pleaded with himself to say more, to continue to offer a heartfelt apology for the years of manipulation, the emotional and physical pain he inflicted upon the boy. He yearned to express remorse for cruelly telling him to take his own life, for the lives of the other grimwalkers he had taken. He wanted to tell Hunter he was wrong for what he did, that he finally saw reason. He desperately wanted to apologize to everyone present in the room, yet his throat constricted. The pain from the guilt that clawed at him was too much to bear, threatening to make him lose control of himself.

But he said nothing as the boy left. The words seized in his throat.

Philip stood there, his gaze falling to the ground with an air of defeat and also he couldn't help but realize how exhausted he was now.

The room remained hushed. The weight of everyone's eyes on him made him feel overwhelming shame for not having the strength to do the right thing for the boy.

He wanted someone to just scream at him, to punish him somehow for being such a coward, for being the monster that he was.

'And again… you let yourself drown in self-pity…' the voice hissed.

Philip's chest clenched painfully and just like Hunter, without the knowledge that the boy did so, forced his feelings aside and gathered the bit of strength he had left to do what he had to do. His face looked bored, devoid of other emotions as he straightened himself out.

The blue orbs of his settled on Sister Lilian.

"There is a high chance they don't know we're here, since we teleported without leaving any traces," Philip said with an eerie calmness to his tone, as if nothing happened between him and Hunter a moment ago. "In case they do figure out we are hiding in this building, you said they will not attack us while you're here with us. Are you certain they will try not break the oath they have with the Catholic Church again like they did earlier?"

Sister Lilian took a moment to respond. "Not if I send a message to certain people," she said. "I've been trying to contact someone else, someone closer, but they haven't responded."

"Then contact whoever you have to contact," Sister Margaret spoke up with a frown. "We need to get these children somewhere safe as soon as we can."

Sister Lilian was silent for a moment, glancing at Philip.

She was honestly hesitant to contact the people that would help the children for they could also endanger Philip. However, one look at the lost expressions of the kids, and her decision was made.

"Alright, I'll send one now," Sister Lilian said, looking at Philip. "For now, I guess, try to keep everyone safe while I send the message and heal the boys."

Philip gave her a curt nod before he pulled away from the group. He walked down the aisles before he sat at the very end, his back against the bench, as if trying to hide from view, but at the same time his glowing orbs fixed at the large wooden doors of the building, keeping watch and ready to attack if needed.

Though, a few people in the room felt Philip needed to rest before he threw himself back into another fight.

Even if he wouldn't ever admit it, the man looked too worn out to keep watch.

Without a moment to spare, Sister Lilian asked Willow and Amity to come with her to help with the boys while she sent the message. Gus had the urge to go over to Philip, but decided to follow them, after exchanging a glance with Masha, Sister Margaret went with them as well. Like always, sister Margaret had to prioritize the children over anyone else. Camila did spare a glance at Philip for a moment, as she had so many questions for him, and was thankful that he had come at the right time to save them, but she decided to talk to him later and quickly went back to check on Vee. Father Francis was now left in the chapel with Masha who was observing Philip, giving him a moment to himself before they talked to him, and Luz who stood there in complete silence, her eyes also focused on Philip was.

Like Masha, she was caught off guard with Philip apologizing to Hunter in front of them like that. But, unlike Masha, she was completely left dumbfounded from the scene.

Luz instantly thought that Philip was trying to manipulate Hunter, but then her mind shifted to what Gus had said – yes, she did recall what they had talked about before she was magically put to sleep somehow – about Philip giving up on his mission, the way he had been acting in the recent days. She also thought about how Philip helped them out with those two monsters back at her street.

And to add more to the confusion, the nuns and the priest were somehow acquainted with Philip.

Nothing was making sense…

Her hands turned into fists before she began marching down the aisles.

Masha saw her making her way to Philip and quickly sped up to her.

"Luz, whatever you going to do or to say to him, maybe wait till he gets some sleep," they told Luz.

"Sorry, Masha, but I can't wait," Luz said with brows knitted with determination. Before she knew it, she found herself standing right in front of Belos, blocking his view to the door.

Belos visibly tensed up, his clawed hands tightly clutching his knees as he remained seated. His gaze slowly rose, meeting her piercing glare.

Standing beside Philip, Masha wore a concerned frown, casting a disapproving glance at Luz. They didn't want her triggering Belos in any way, which could potentially get her hurt and wished Luz would confront him about what was bothering her once they all figured out their next course of action.

"Is it true?" Luz asked Belos in a cold, steady voice. "Is it true that you don't want to kill witches anymore?"

Luz expected Belos to glare at her for such an accusation, to spat insults at her for thinking such a thing, but instead, Belos's guarded expression crumbled. A mix of what looked like guilt and shame flashed across his face.

At first, her instincts kicked in, telling her it was all an act, just like the other times when he, supposedly, was having a mental break down in front of her and her friends. But as she scrutinized his face, she couldn't help but feel something shift in her as Belos seemed to struggle to gather his thought and find his voice. He averted his gaze to a distant point on the floor, instead of finding a well thought response to play her like a fool. The lines of his face deepened by the second, looking completely miserable.

At that moment, Luz remembered when she met him when he was younger, how his act to gain sympathy from others looked practiced, so artificial compared to the way he had been responding to things while on Earth and to how he was reacting now. And it was now that she realized that maybe Gus was right; he hadn't been manipulating them the whole time he was with them. His break downs were genuine, and he was most likely too tired and overwhelmed with so much to be as clever as he was back in the Boiling Isles.

"I swear Philip, I didn't tell her anything," Luz heard Masha tell Belos.

Luz quickly glanced at them.

Masha knew of this?!

"So, it's true?" she asked, her wavering skepticism now, replaced with shock knowing that Belos have given up on his mission, which she still couldn't believe it. "And you knew?"

Masha crossed their arms calmly.

"Honestly, I just found out a few hours ago after finding him digging holes back at the Devil's Waterfall," they said. "Well… actually, I figured it out myself. I'm a pretty good detective I guess."

No…

Luz's jaw tensed up, a big part of her believing the whole thing had to be some ploy that Belos was orchestrating for a huge evil plan he had cooped up for days.

But the fact he had agreed to an eternal oath with them, agreed to be sealed up by them, was a huge sign that screamed at her for how stupid she was for still leaning on the idea he had something up his sleeve. Especially when he fought monsters for them and got them safely from any further potential danger.

"But why?" Luz asked Belos in frustration. "Is it because you know you can't beat us? And you finally give up?"

Belos' lips remained sealed, not daring to answer any of her questions. He placed a palm on his forehead and shut his eyes, taking slow, deep, shaky breaths as he tried to keep his emotions in check, but it was getting harder by the minute as he mentally yelled at himself to just tell Luz the truth. The lack of sleep and physical exhaustion was pushing him past his limits, and all the guilt he was carrying threatened to tear him apart.

Meanwhile, Luz's irritation was escalated more by Belos' silence, and the confusion he was causing her felt suffocating.

"Damn it, Belos, just answer me!" she finally snapped at him.

Masha froze, expecting Philip to yell back at Luz, further escalating the scene, but instead, his hand trembled slightly against his forehead. His eyes flickered open, revealing tears that had gathered before they finally trailed down his face, even catching Luz off guard.

"I…" he let out, his voice barely above a whisper. But the weight of the things he had done proved too heavy for him to continue speaking, his voice caught in his throat.

The turmoil etched on Belo's face morphed Luz's frustration into guilt. After all, she was expecting anger and hostility from him. She had seen him shed tears before, but they were coming out of anger in some way, but this time around…

"Take your time, Philip." Luz glanced up when she heard Father Francis's encouraging voice, not realizing he had made his way to them. "You can do this," he said gently to the man whose shoulders were now trembling, tears continuing to fall.

Luz stared at the priest before glancing back down at Belos.

"I…" Belos's voice trembled. He forced his eyes to meet Luz's, which no longer held anger just confusion. "I truly thought… I was doing the right thing. I honestly believed they were evil creatures, and I was saving humanity."

'No, you didn't,' the dark voice hissed.

"I swear, I thought I did!" Philip raised his voice in desperation, arguing with the voice in his head. "But, I realized I was wrong, that I was a complete, ignorant, utter fool to have believed such terrible thoughts, to ignore the signs that I was wrong because I was too prideful, too cowardly to accept the truth. I was so stupid to have kept going and going on my mission." His gaze fell to his legs, tears now feeling as though they were burning his flesh. He grabbed his head as the faces of all those he had tortured and killed flashed before his eyes. "I've hurt… have taken so many innocent lives." His voice broke into a sob. "And… I'm truly sorry for that, I'm truly am." He shut his eyes hard. "I'm sorry for hurting your friends, Luz, I'm sorry for manipulating you, for almost turning you into stone, for almost killing you."

'Now you're indeed trying to trick her...'

"I… swear I'm not trying to manipulate you all anymore. I…" His throat now constricted on him.

'Liar…'

No… he wasn't lying.

'Just admit you haven't changed. That you can't change.'

He knew he couldn't change, that he forever would be a monster, but he didn't want to hurt or kill innocent people anymore. He wanted to do the right thing for once.

'Liar…'

He felt the dark pull threatening to grasp his whole being, to yank him down to the dark abyss of his mind, forever.

'Murderer!'

He desperately wanted someone to stop the voice in his head.

'Pathetic…'

But he couldn't. Why was he so weak? Why couldn't he just face Hunter, Luz, and others he has harmed without breaking apart?

'Monster!'

And that was what he was and will forever be.

But suddenly, the voices, the dark pull, the memories abruptly stopped, and for some reason, he felt the warmth of a small light grazing him out of nowhere.

"Philip, just, take a deep breath." He heard Luz's voice.

His eyes flew open, wide as he stared at her, kneeling in front of him. His gaze met her eyes, which were now filled with understanding. He had also noticed she had a hand on one of his knees, as if trying to calm him down.

"That's all I want you to focus on at the moment, okay?" she said to him. "Just clear your mind. Don't think about anything else except taking a few more deep breaths. Can you do that for me?"

Confusion etched across Philip's face as he registered the tenderness in Luz's touch and the soft tone off her voice.

He expected her to accuse him of lying, throw cruel words back at him like the other times, which honestly, he couldn't blame her for, but instead, she was comforting him.

He took a shuddering breath, doing his best to do as she instructed, not realizing how much he needed it. He didn't take notice of the green substance that had previously covered his body pull away a bit.

Luz had seen it though. Saw the 'curse' acting up as he looked like he was falling apart.

It had taken her a moment to react as she was completely caught off guard by his confession.

She had originally believed that if Belos indeed didn't want to continue killing witches, that he had just given up.

Instead, he admitted to feeling guilty for what he did, realizing the errors of his ways and she had not seen that coming, not even in her dreams.

She didn't know what to do at this point, didn't know how to react.

He was meant to be a cold-blooded villain…

And there was no way he believed he had been doing the right thing this whole time, right…?

"Do you really think I wanted to spend four centuries among these foul creatures in a disgusting pile of a corpse of a land?" He hissed at her, making Vee pull Masha behind her, to protect them in case, while Masha was staring at Philip with wide eyes as they saw the horns growing on his head, the green substance expanding through his arms and feet as he took a step forward towards Luz, his fists shook as he tried to hold back from ripping her apart. "You really believe I wanted to dedicate all these years planning and suffering every step of the way? You think I wanted my soul to be tarnished forever?!"

Despite the curse getting out of control and his voice rising, Luz stood her ground, her eyes fixed on him with unwavering determination.

"You have no idea what I've gone through to save your pathetic souls!" he snapped now. "You have no idea how tired I am trying to save humanity from forever damnation. If I was doing things for my sake, I would have abandoned the mission and come back to Earth many decades ago. I would have given up after so many times growing sick and tired of it all, but instead I picked myself up and kept on going. I kept going because this has nothing to do with me. All I've been doing is for all of you!" Philip's hands motioned to her and her mom with frustration.

"And I loved my brother!" Philip screamed on top of his lungs, tears gathering in his eyes now. "I never wanted to kill him! All I wanted was to bring him back home after he was taken from me! But he was too far gone, and I had no choice but to kill him. I had to sacrifice my brother to save humanity!"

The memories of their confrontation replayed in her mind while Philip drowned in his emotions. The words he had told her that night made her realize that, maybe, he had truly believed witches were monsters, that he had believed he was some sort of savior for humanity.

After centuries, it seemed that he had finally recognized how wrong he was.

The more she thought about it, the more she remembered how he could have easily killed her during their confrontations back in the Boiling Isles. He had even offered to take her back to the human world, as if he was trying to 'save' her from what he thought was an evil place. Well, he at least tried before he deemed her crazy and tried turning her into stone.

Mixed emotions swirled within Luz, a blend of anger and…empathy. On one hand, she resented the fact that it had taken him so long to shed his misguided beliefs. The arrogance and stubbornness that had clung to him for centuries infuriated her. On the other hand, she couldn't help but feel bad that he whole heartedly believed the disgusting Puritan's prejudiced views. In a way, she pitied Belos for falling victim to such toxic beliefs.

Luz made a conscious effort to quiet her racing thoughts and put other questions she had aside for the moment to focus on the immediate task at hand – the curse that threatened to consume Belos. Summoning the courage to step forward and do what Gus would do in a similar situation like this, she reached out, her hand finding its place on his knee, and called him by his real name.

Truth be told, she didn't think her gesture would work, considering the enmity that had defined their relationship since their first encounter. Yet an overwhelming wave of relief washed over her as the man took deep breaths, just like she told him to do, and saw the way the 'curse' pulled back bit by bit.

The relief came because no one was going to get hurt from one of his outbursts.

If he ended up hurting Masha or Father Francis, she would have blamed herself for not listening to Masha about confronting the man later, for acting out of impulse and not thinking things through like always, especially since the man was clearly so mentally drained to have broken down in front of her like that. She really was good at catching people at their worst, wasn't she?

She fought the urge to ask him if he truly felt remorseful for what he did or if was just playing them with the best acting, she had ever seen in her life.

Honestly, who could blame her for her doubts? After all… "People like him don't change," the words she had once said played in her mind.

When she saw the man finally calm his breathing, he looked more exhausted than before, if that was possible. He brushed the tears from his face, looking paler than before and the dark circles under his eyes were more prominent.

She didn't recall him sleeping back at the house, since he was out at night digging holes and up in the living room when the sun was out. And after what had taken place with those monsters, well… no wonder he looked out of it.

Luz still disliked the man for everything he had done, but if he was telling the truth, that he truly felt guilty and was sorry, that his apology to Hunter was genuine, then she couldn't keep the same hostility she had for him. She didn't have the heart to do so.

Of course, he had to be held accountable for everything he had done, but antagonizing him was off the table now, especially with the mess they were in with magic users on Earth trying to kill them. Unless, of course, he was lying to her about feeling remorse for what he had done…

But at this moment, they had to work together with him in order to get back to the Boiling Isles.

She tried to ignore the hesitation and fear she had of him, tried to gain the courage she was going to need to trust him while reminding herself to stay vigilant in in case he tried backstabbing them.

She hoped things would get better for her friends and her mother now if he wasn't their enemy, but she couldn't shake off the feeling that now things would be more complicated with a more unstable man in their presence.

Man… how come life was never so simple…?

Just a heads up, i post this story first in archive of our own and i also include awesome fan art done by readers as well there starting in chapter 15 I think (since that's when I started getting them) : ).

Peeps also engage in archive of our own more or in in tumblr. if you want to follow me in tumblr and ask questions you can do so. u can find me as chiconisroc in tumbrl and nisrocchico in archive of our own

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