Chapter 10 – Fears Founded in Reason
The Force aided Rey as she jabbed her double-sided lightsaber at Ben and he moved just a tad slow to block it. She was doing well in their latest bout. Even a couple of days of using her new lightsaber had improved her skills and reaction time greatly. She could tell Ben was putting more effort than usual into this fight because he was narrowing his eyes in concentration. It gave him that incredibly intense expression of a Varactyl going after its prey. She had to actively remember this was a mock fight and consciously root her feet to the ground to resist the urge to turn tail and flee.
Ben moved in a series of quick strikes that Rey quickly analyzed how to defend against. It was intimidating the way he attacked with those huge sweeps and how he relentlessly advanced in that overbearing way. His huge frame gave him the power to do such moves and left her with little recourse other than to dodge or deflect the blows. If she outright parried the strikes, the force behind Ben's movements would knock her clean off her feet and jar her wrists. The last time she'd been stupid enough to match him blow for blow, her arms had been numb for hours and she'd lost the bout in a humiliating fashion.
Rey launched into an attack series that was heavy on defense while she looked for openings to take advantage of. She finally moved into position to turn his height into a disadvantage and was swinging a lightsaber blade at his chest when a cacophony filled the sky.
Rey looked up for a split second and was blinded by a sunbeam reflecting off the bow of one of the starfighters flying overhead. Ben pressed his advantage and knocked her blade away. He attempted to disarm her, bearing down on her with powerful strikes. Rey wriggled out of her precarious position and returned with a powerful jab to the chest. He had to change tactics and block her strike. She didn't allow him any more ground and finished the match with a quick flurry of blows to the head and knees he couldn't keep up with. Ben landed on the hard-packed dirt with a grunt, raising his hands in defeat as she held her lightsaber to his throat.
"You let the starships distract you," He nodded above them, where starfighters were still dropping into view and flying over the base to touch down in the shipyard.
"It caught me off guard," Rey looked to the side, her cheeks turning bright red. She'd gotten lucky and had been able to recover from that gaffe.
"You've been distracted of late anyway," Ben noted as she helped him to his feet.
"Poe contacted me late last night. He, Finn, and the rest of our base's people are returning from the siege. General Antilles' people are staying to secure the site and process the Dedlanite resources," Rey explained as she clipped her lightsaber on her belt. She'd been giddy with the knowledge since her friends had given her the good news. "This should be them now. Come on, let's go greet them."
"Must we?" Ben muttered quietly under his breath as he followed her.
Rey ignored his sullen remark and joined the gaggle of Resistance fighters flocking towards the shipyard, eager to greet their fellow fighters who'd been absent the past month. She pushed her way through the crowd as she headed for the Falcon, enthusiastically greeting her friends as they disembarked from their starfighters and congratulating them on their hard-won success. Finally, the Falcon was within her sights. It looked a little worse for wear, but then it always did. It had definitely fared better than the one time Poe had gone hyperspace jumping. Poe and Finn were standing at the base of the Falcon's ramp, looking as healthy and vibrant as ever. They were talking excitedly with Rose and exchanging hugs.
Finn looked up and beamed.
"Finn!" Rey smiled and ran forward.
"Rey, there you are!" Finn caught her in a huge bear hug and swung her around.
"I'm glad you made it back safely," Rey embraced him tightly.
"We almost ran into a Hutt fleet on the way out of their space, but we hid behind some asteroids. It was smooth sailing from there," Finn leaned back and examined her. "You're looking well. How's the new training regimen?"
"Better than I ever thought it could be," Rey confided in him. "I'm well on my way to becoming a real Jedi."
"I'm happy for you, Rey," Finn said genuinely, touching her shoulder. "I know how much you've been working towards it this past year."
"Hey, now that you're back, we can convince Ben to let you join my training sessions," Rey nudged him back as excitement took hold of her. "He's been training the rest of the base, so he might be open to the idea."
"He's been what?"
Poe grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her sharply towards him.
"Say that again. I don't think I heard you correctly," Poe demanded, a hard glint in his eyes.
"Rose and I conscripted Ben to help us train our fighters to use new weapons," Rey reiterated, raising her chin proudly. She wasn't about to apologize. It'd been the right decision. "And he's been training me in the ways of the Force."
"She even lets me handle the weapons," Ben snarkily said as he moved up behind her.
Even without looking, she could feel Ben staring down her friend. Poe's gaze shifted down and Rey followed to see him looking at the electrostaff still in Ben's hand; the weapon was on and set to its lowest setting.
"Rey, move aside," Poe bit out sharply, his hand reaching for his blaster.
"No," She lunged forward and snatched the blaster out of his holster, moving backward as Poe tried to get it back. "Stop being so childish about this, Poe. You knew this would happen. How else can we get better? How else can I get better?"
"There are other ways," Poe shook his head.
"Apparently not," Ben smirked, swinging the electrostaff around him with a low buzz. "Not everyone agrees with the almighty Poe Dameron."
"You stop that," Rey confiscated the electrostaff and powered it off. "You know better than to carry a weapon outside the training grounds."
Ben shrugged, unperturbed by her warning. Infuriating man.
"We can't afford to stall my training any longer, Poe," Rey got straight to the point. "I've told you once and I'll tell you again. I need a teacher," She cut Poe off with a pointed finger as he opened his mouth to speak. "A teacher who knows how to fight. Ben is that person, the only one we know of in this sector or the next. The matter isn't up for discussion any longer."
Poe swallowed hard, his gaze flitting between her and Ben.
"You should have consulted me before giving him a weapon," Poe said finally.
"It's gone really well so far, Poe," Rose assured him as she sidled up to him.
"Commander Tico is right, general."
"He's been a huge help in teaching us to fight!"
They turned as one to the small group of nearby fighters who'd overheard their conversation and decided to jump in. A flicker of surprise flashed through Ben, causing Rey to glance at him before focusing back on Poe. The pilot looked as if he could not believe his ears.
One by one, the Resistance fighters gave their endorsement of Ben. They'd been acting kinder ever since he'd frosted those cupcakes for Ava and the twins. Even one man who hated Ben's guts was begrudgingly saying something nice.
"It has been useful having him here," he said with a frown before moving off with his friends.
"Did I cross into an alternate universe on the way back?" Poe muttered to himself. "Or maybe I bumped my head and fell into a coma."
"If you did, I'm having the same dream," Finn laughed. "Even I didn't think it would go this well."
"You knew?" Poe glared at him.
"I knew," Finn said simply. "Why don't we take this to the command tent?"
They walked out of the shipyard, exchanging smiles and clapping fighters on the back as they went. As soon as they left the jubilant crowd behind and entered the empty command tent, Poe's smile dropped. He grabbed Ben's wrists and examined the cuffs. Ben growled and tugged his hands out of Poe's grasp.
"Just checking," Poe defended himself. "Can't put this sudden change of heart past you using a mind trick."
"That's beyond me for the moment," Ben sneered at him.
Rey nudged him, reminding him to mind his manners.
"I still don't approve of giving him a weapon," Poe admonished her. "It's not safe."
"If there's one thing I know, it's that Ben won't hurt me," Rey said quietly. "And that means he won't hurt the people on this base. I know it's hard to believe, given his past, but that's the truth."
"I wish I could trust him as easily as you do," Poe said, fixing his gaze on her. Rey grieved for the pain she saw in his eyes. "But I've known him longer than you have."
"You can trust me so long as Rey remains safe," Ben spoke up, speaking without snark for once. "That's one promise I can keep."
"I don't trust oath breakers," Poe shot back.
"Then trust me, Poe," Rey said tiredly. She didn't want to keep doing this song and dance around Ben's trustworthiness. "He's already helped me progress in my studies. Look." She brought out her new lightsaber and ignited it, showing off the twin yellow blades. "He made this lightsaber for me. He gave up his ability to wield a lightsaber so I could advance quicker."
"He did?" Poe's eyebrows turned down in confusion.
"And he initiated the first training session where he lent his assistance," Rose jumped in.
Ben gave a snort at the half-truth.
"You may not like the method, but our people are learning fast," Rose pointed out. "We've already progressed to learning in groups and using the training remote droids."
"Join the next training session, Poe," Rey urged her friend. "And see how far we've come."
Poe looked between the earnest Resistance fighters and Ben, who was returning his gaze with an intense stare. Rey could tell Ben wasn't doing it with animosity, but he wasn't trying to put the general at ease either.
After a lengthy pause, Poe nodded curtly. "Fine."
"Thank you, Poe," Rey relaxed in relief. There wasn't going to be another fight.
The tent flap rustled as it was swept aside and Captain Ivin stuck his head in.
"General, are you ready to start your meeting? You called the commanders and captains to meet here at 0900 standard-hours," Mixa reminded Poe subtly.
"Yes, come on in," Poe gestured for the captain to enter the tent fully. He shot Ben a meaningful glance.
Ben huffed. "I need to return my electrostaff to the training grounds anyway." He stooped to kiss Rey on the cheek.
Rey saw his eyes flit to Poe to check his reaction and she rolled her eyes. Ben was just trying to rile Poe up again. She pinched him on the arm with a displeased scowl and gave him a solid push towards the exit. Ben chuckled under his breath and left the tent. Rey could see Aarzio and Sertali leave their posts to follow him.
Captain Gser was the first to enter after Ben left, followed closely by Larma. As the rest of the leadership filled the tent, Rey thought to herself the reveal Ben had been helping the base learn to fight hadn't gone over as bad as she'd thought. Poe had been reasonable… mostly. This boded well.
"Poe does trust your judgment," Finn's breath moved a few strands of her hair as he spoke lowly into her ear. "But he'd sooner trust General Hux to watch his back than Ben."
"I know," Rey sighed, turning to look up at Finn. "Do you think Ben will ever regain Poe's trust?"
"That remains to be seen," Finn shrugged. "I can't see anything yet. Too many futures in motion."
"Well, I can hope, can't I?" Rey sighed.
Poe glanced their way as he exchanged pleasantries with Commander Trodun. It may have been wishful thinking, but Rey thought she caught a glint of cautious hope in his eyes.
-oOoOoOo-
Ben stalked into the jungle down the well-trodden path towards the lightning tree. He'd left his leather jacket there the last time he'd visited the tree to release his repressed anger. It was taking some time getting used to having Poe back on the base and their encounters were strained, to put it mildly.
Poe had kept a close eye on him during the first training session he'd attended. He'd had a hand on his blaster the entire time and twitched every time Ben had swung his electrorods at someone. The intense scrutiny had made Ben's stress levels go sky-high as he slipped into defense mode. He'd had to fight the insatiable urge to sucker-punch Poe in the face to make him stop staring. And the close perusal of his actions didn't stop there. Every day for the past week since Poe had returned, he'd suspiciously watched Ben's every action and had almost blown a gasket when he learned Ben had made cupcakes for the children.
Ben scowled and viciously kicked a rock into the underbrush, startling some creatures with mottled green scales into fleeing for another shelter. What did Poe take him for? He hadn't sunk so low that he would poison children! If he'd wanted to kill them, he'd use a more elegant solution, like a damn lightsaber.
Ben twitched as his muted connection with the Force warned him there were people up ahead. Faint emotions drifted through the mindscape and Ben rolled his eyes as a wave of sexual tension hit him. He put up what mental shields he could to block it out. He'd told Sertali he'd only need a few minutes to retrieve his jacket and he thought she'd trusted him enough to do the simple task quickly. She'd obviously known Mixa and Aarzio would be out here, snogging on their off-time. He only hoped they weren't going at it like Ash-rabbits. Walking in on them once had been more than enough for him.
"I told Sertali I could do it on my own, Mi-" Ben stopped in his tracks as he rounded a tree and came eye-to-eye with Poe and Finn.
The two men were close together, almost in an embrace, their heads canted towards each other. Finn blanched and tugged his hand out of Poe's grasp, wrenching hard when Poe tightened his grip.
"This isn't, we weren't-" Finn insisted in a rush, backing away to put space between him and Poe.
"What are you doing here?" Poe growled at Ben. "Where's Ivin?"
"I'm retrieving my jacket. I left it at the lightning tree," Ben raised an eyebrow at his judgmental tone. "Sertali's on guard right now."
"She should be here with you," Poe said sullenly.
"Excuse me," Finn gasped, practically hyperventilating as he ran back towards the base.
"I haven't been a youngling for three decades," Ben hissed at Poe. "I don't need a babysitter to retrieve a Sith-damned jacket that's barely a stone's throw from the base perimeter. So if you'll excuse me, general-" Ben gave a mock bow and continued down the path, ignoring Poe's sputtering retort.
When he didn't hear Poe's boots thundering after him, Ben concluded he'd chosen to go after Finn instead. Ben wondered what was going on with Finn; he'd nearly fainted after Ben had walked in on whatever that was.
A consciousness brushed against his mind and Ben tensed for a moment, slamming up mental shields before he recognized Rey's singular presence. She'd been meditating for longer lately, seeing how much she could sense around her and how far her abilities would extend. Apparently, she could extend her senses to the entire base and just a little beyond. Ben acknowledged her presence and sent a vague message back, letting her know he was on his way back. He'd promised to meditate with her after his shift at the med tents ended.
Ben grabbed his jacket from where it was hanging on a tree branch and headed back up the path. Poe and Finn were nowhere to be seen as Ben stepped foot back on the base. He gave a cheeky wave to the Resistance fighter on guard in the watchtower; they gripped their blaster rifle tighter in response. Sertali's quiet, comforting presence joined him as he made his way to the training grounds. A few people were training with quarterstaffs on the hard-packed dirt grounds, using some of the techniques Ben had shown them.
Rey was sitting cross-legged in the shade of some fronds on the other side of the training arena. Ben's frayed nerves were soothed somewhat by the mere sight of her. Rey's hair was frizzy from the humidity and her clothes were splotched with engine fuel, but Ben thought she was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen and would ever know.
Something rammed into his ankle, hard enough to inflict pain through his thick boots.
"Kriff!" Ben shouted. He glanced down and saw BB-8. The droid's head was tilted up at an accusatory angle. "Watch where you're going, orb!"
It beeped at him in angry, strident tones, rolling forward to smack him in the ankle again.
Ben aimed a kick at it that it deftly dodged. "What do you mean it's my fault?" he asked the angry droid.
BB-8 tooted a series of quick beeps and clicks.
"I don't see how it's my problem that Finn isn't talking to Poe," Ben said and walked away, no longer interested.
BB-8 rolled in front of him, beeping insistently.
"Fix it? What the hell am I supposed to fix?" Ben asked in bewilderment. "That's not my job. Ask someone else."
BB-8 gave a frustrated hum and rolled off, beeping quietly to itself.
"Damn droids," Ben muttered to himself as he finally made it to Rey's side.
He pushed away his tumultuous thoughts, aiming to calm his mind so he didn't distract Rey. It didn't work because as Ben sat down near her, Rey opened her eyes, a frown creasing her forehead.
"Everything alright?" Rey asked.
"Poe's droid just assaulted my ankles," Ben said as he crossed his legs. "It was worked up about something inconsequential."
"BB-8 is a sweet droid. He wouldn't attack someone for no reason," Rey defended the droid.
"I'm sure we'll hear all about it later," Ben shrugged. Poe practically had a mind link with the droid and treated it like his child. No wonder it was so temperamental. "How far did your senses reach this time? I felt you a little past the base perimeter."
"Yeah, I saw you clearly at the lightning tree," Rey said animatedly, clapping in excitement. "I was also able to extend my mind in the river's direction, but the animals out there were obscured. I couldn't see them as well as I could see the plant life."
"Don't force it. Let it come to you," Ben recommended. "Be patient and listen. The images will resolve themselves."
"Okay," Rey nodded and closed her eyes again. Her breath evened out as she sank back into a trance. Her mental presence pressed against Ben's mind before fading as she moved away.
Ben smiled in approval. She was getting better at reaching out to the Force. He mirrored her posture, matching her breathing and closing his eyes. It was getting easier for him to sense the Force beyond the cuff's influence, but he was no closer to summoning the Force than he'd been when they had been placed on him. He just didn't understand it. He'd felt something that day Anzen, Winn, and that other woman had sabotaged the latrine facilities, and he'd definitely had access the day Winn had tripped him and sent him careening into the stew. And then there was the dyad; he was able to initiate a connection and send energy to Rey through the bond. This sporadic ability to wield the Force was befuddling and Ben understood it less and less the more he tried to figure it out. It was as if he was reaching through a dense fog towards the web of energy he'd always been able to sense, but it wasn't where he expected it to be or it moved just as he touched it. No matter what he did, he couldn't figure out how to circumvent the dampening effect the cuffs had on his abilities. How in the world had he managed it before?
A branch cracked and Ben's focus derailed. He growled as the tiny wisp of energy he'd managed to trap slipped from his grasp as quick as a minnow. He opened his eyes and Finn froze a few paces away. The two were locked in a staring contest, Ben glaring in annoyance and Finn awkwardly standing there.
Ben wrinkled his nose and closed his eyes, trying to sink back into a trance. He'd wanted to try something new to unlock his abilities. He may be on to something-
Another branch snapped and Ben opened his eyes to level a heated glare at Finn, who had stepped closer to them.
"What do you want?" Ben asked. He hoped this wasn't about their earlier encounter. "Why are you always hovering around?" Finn had taken to being near him and Rey whenever they were meditating, usually choosing to hide his motives by talking with passing Resistance fighters.
"I… I just-" Finn gestured inarticulately.
"Rey told me you'd done some meditation exercises with my mother," Ben attempted to get the conversation started as Finn floundered.
Finn nodded hesitantly.
Ben sighed to himself. The man obviously wanted to join him and Rey and was just too shy to ask. Though he'd never known Finn to be reticent, Ben supposed he should cut him some slack. Rey had explained that Finn had given her the idea to focus on an image instead of her breathing, which helped her tremendously. The former stormtrooper was an intelligent man and an intriguing mystery. Ben would be lying to himself if he said he wasn't curious if Finn had some latent Force-sensitive abilities.
"Sit," Ben gestured sharply, the swift movement making Finn jump. "You're welcome to meditate with us so long as you don't make any noise."
"I'll try not to," Finn sat down tentatively – closer to Rey than him, Ben noticed.
Finn had assumed the right posture, but his body was stiff with tension. Not at all optimal for meditation. Ben could sense bits of apprehension and… fear? It was seeping through the cracks in Finn's mental shields. Since Rey was otherwise engaged, Ben supposed it was up to him to guide Finn.
"What exposure have you had to the non-physical plane?" Ben asked.
Finn swallowed hard and hesitated long enough that Ben thought he'd have to repeat his question.
"Leia guided me through some meditations so I could practice reaching out to the Force," Finn eventually volunteered. "We were able to share some visions."
"As a beginner?" Ben was intrigued.
There was more to Finn than he'd previously thought. He'd thought the man's ability to hold his own against him during their fight on Starkiller Base had been a fluke. Finn was Force-sensitive, but did he have the ability to wield the Force? Some people, like his father, only had some intuition that lent itself to their heightened awareness but they couldn't actually summon the Force in a tangible form.
"Leia was doing most of the work," Finn demurred.
"Still, to share a vision, you must have good control," Ben noted. It was difficult to mesh with someone's mind if you didn't know what you were doing. "Have you always been able to summon the Force?"
"I don't know. I didn't give it much thought until I met Rey and Leia," Finn shrugged. "But there have been times where I feel more powerful during a fight, have better aim, or can tell when things are going to happen."
"You're Force-sensitive and maybe something more," Ben allowed, thinking hard. He wondered… "Can I enter your mind and witness you try to summon the Force?"
"You can do that?" Finn asked, startled.
"With these on, no," Ben shook one hand with the black cuff, sneering at it in disgust. "I can still touch minds if I concentrate. You'll have to let me in."
Finn's eyebrows furrowed in disbelief and Ben saw a hint of panic in his eyes.
"Do you want to know if you can use the Force on the physical plane or not?" Ben snapped impatiently. "I wouldn't offer to do this for anyone, you know."
"Just witnessing?" Finn reiterated. Ben nodded. Finn took a deep breath. "Alright."
Ben concentrated hard to send his mind toward Finn. He nudged against the Durasteel-like mind shields. When he felt an opening, Ben began to glide in but instead he was sucked in and held in place. Fascinating. He was right. Finn had very good control over his mind.
This is how I've always been.
You can hear me? Ben reeled in shock, almost breaking free of the trance.
Of course. Finn shrugged. Leia could too. Is it not always like this?
No. Ben's interest was sparked anew. Show me how you reach out to the Force.
Finn's mental voice was muted as he did as directed. Ben could feel him reaching out towards a web of energy. There was an image he was projecting to aid his concentration, but Ben couldn't quite tell what it was.
A rush of power flooded Finn and Ben almost gasped at its intensity. For a Force-user to be able to summon this amount of power, Ben would have expected them to have several years of experience, not less than one. Finn's method of calling on the Force was subtle, yet powerful. He couldn't wait to see if Finn could actually use it.
Lift that pebble by your foot. Ben nodded his head slightly.
Finn's gaze shifted down to focus on the small rock. I'm not sure how. I can't seem to direct it, no matter what I do.
You said you do better when you focus on images. Visualize a net raising the pebble into the air.
Ben felt as if a massive weight was loaded onto his shoulders as Finn prepared to move the stone. A shimmering net materialized in his mind's eye, seeing what Finn was imagining. It scooped under the stone and lifted into the air, but the pebble didn't go with it. Finn attempted it again, slower this time; the pebble shifted a hairs' breadth, though that might have been a trick of the wind.
Ben patiently witnessed Finn's persistent attempts to wield the immense amount of energy he was able to harness. He'd never experienced anything like this and it was interesting to be in the Resistance fighter's head. Where Rey had to redirect energy in order to harness it, Finn was able to guide it into a bottomless well where he could access it.
Finn wrapped a net of intricately interwoven energy strands around the pebble and it moved a millimeter, no doubt about it. There was a flicker of movement in the corner of Ben's eye and he naturally turned his head to look. Poe was talking with a mechanic practicing with a training remote, waving his arms animatedly as he enthusiastically described a defense strategy. Finn turned to see what he was looking at and his focus completely derailed.
Ben's head was filled with a sudden rush of images. It was in such fine detail that Ben experienced it vividly. He held Poe's head firmly at the optimum angle as he took his mouth with a deep, searching kiss. He took his time exploring the pilot's mouth, his cock growing harder with each breathless moan that emitted from Poe's lips. This close, he could smell a heady wood fragrance and just a hint of engine fuel intertwined with Poe's natural aroma. His favorite scent in the whole galaxy. He ran his free hand down Poe's fit body, lingering for a moment at his belt before delving below his clothes. Poe pressed harder into his body, a perfect fit. His longing to be with this man was so strong, he was overwhelmed by its intensity. He would risk everything to be with Poe.
Wait.
Wait a fucking moment.
These weren't his thoughts, Ben realized in a sudden burst of clarity. Finn was projecting his thoughts and fantasies so strongly that Ben was caught in the tidal wave. He desperately tried to withdraw from Finn's mind, but he was stuck, as if in quicksand. As the fantasy's focus shifted down Poe's body, Ben panicked as he tried to wrench himself free.
Finn, focus and regain control!
Hands continued wandering in the vision and clothes started disappearing.
Finn! Stop it!
The fantasy continued with fervor. Left with no choice, Ben attacked Finn, visualizing sharp icicles stabbing within his mind. He meant to cause pain and catch his attention.
The invisible force keeping him in place vanished as Finn brought his mind shields back up and pushed Ben out. Ben opened his eyes, secure once more within his own mind. Distressed noises emitted from him as memories of Finn's fantasy washed over him again. He had nothing against Finn's preferences for Poe, but that doesn't mean he wanted to experience it!
Ben stood up, feeling out of place in his body. Thank goodness Poe had left the training grounds at some point. The remnant emotions might have compelled him to jump Poe's bones. He had to do something to center himself. To the lightning tree.
"Wait, Ben," Finn pleaded as he walked away.
"Not now!" Ben growled out, shuddering as he recalled the image of Poe's naked butt. It was mostly accurate. "Kriffing Sith hells!" He stomped off, his three guards behind him.
Ben speed-walked down the path to the lightning tree. He scowled as they passed the tree he'd caught Poe and Finn embracing behind earlier. He walked faster. The wood of the white tree came into view and was a welcome sight to Ben. He pounded his fists into the dented bark, welcoming the pain to chase away the unwanted images that'd been placed in his head. Mixa pulled him away from the tree after a few blows and Ben turned on him, growling and ready to explode in anger. The captain said nothing and held out a quarterstaff. Ben felt a soothing wave a calm wash over him, momentarily chasing away his anger. Ben huffed in amusement; of course, Mixa would have picked up a quarterstaff for him to use despite all the chaos going on. But then again, he would have been the one who'd have to pick all the wood splinters from his knuckles.
Ben snatched the weapon from Mixa's grasp with a grunt of thanks and proceeded to whack the hell out of the tree, sending sprays of woodchips into the air. The familiar movements gave Ben a sense of peace and belonging, of being himself. When the ground was covered with a fine layer of wood flakes, Ben's control had returned and he no longer felt strong emotions for Poe Dameron that were beyond the norm.
Ugh, that'd been revolting, Ben shuddered. But… now that his mind was clear, he was even more intrigued by Finn's abilities. To hold an experienced Force-user under his control and transmit mind-altering images and emotions was impressive. He wished he'd known about Finn during his time with the First Order. He could have used a strong being like that at his side instead of General Hux, who'd made it his mission in life to sabotage him at every turn. But then again, with such strong competition, he probably would have felt threatened and tried to kill Finn. So maybe it was for the best that Finn had gone unnoticed during his career with the First Order.
His temper and thoughts firmly back under his control, Ben headed back to the training grounds. He collapsed the quarterstaff and tossed it into a storage bin as he entered the dirt-packed grounds. His shadows retreated to an open space and started mock fights with each other. Finn was sitting where he'd left him, not having moved a muscle. Rey was still deep in her meditative trance, oblivious to the drama happening around her.
Ben sat back down, sending a cautious tendril out towards Finn to gauge him. The man's mind shields were up, but his inner turmoil was causing leaks in the otherwise strong barriers. Ben could feel guilt and shame exuding from Finn along with a twinge of… fear?
"I'm so sorry, Ben," Finn apologized, his voice hoarse. "Please forgive me."
"I'm not angry anymore," Ben nodded, making a big attempt to be cordial and understanding. "It's hard for beginners to keep focus."
Finn laughed self-consciously, nodding in agreement, but the laughter was fake and strained. Silence fell and weighed heavily in the air. Ben grew curious about its source. Finn was treating the incident with more gravity than Ben would have. Sure, it'd been embarrassing but it was nothing to be afraid about.
"Are you going to tell anyone?" Finn looked away, shrinking into himself.
Ben gave a huff of laughter, but it died in his throat as Finn's face froze in a petrified expression of pure panic.
"Why would I tell anyone?" Ben asked.
"Because," Finn swallowed hard. "Because of-" He waved his hand nonsensically.
"I have no interest in sharing your private fantasies with the other Resistance fighters," Ben said. Finn's shoulders sagged in relief. "But you should do something about your desire for Poe."
Finn's back straightened and he whipped his head around, searching for people listening in on their conversation. But there was no one around, save for Rey and Ben's guards. Rey was preoccupied with practicing her abilities, oblivious to her immediate surroundings, and Mixa, Aarzio, and Sertali were too far away to hear anything.
"Shh!" Finn said anyway.
"No, we need to talk about it if you want my assistance going forward," Ben said, unrelenting. "It's a huge distraction that's encroaching on your focus. You'll need every bit of focus you can muster to use the Force."
Finn's jaw dropped as Ben voiced his opinion. He seemed stunned when Ben didn't continue on.
"You're… you're okay with me feeling that way about Poe?" Finn's voice shook as he haltingly asked the question.
Ben shrugged, wondering why his opinion was being solicited. "As long as you keep your private thoughts and fantasies under control while we're communing, I don't give a damn who you want to have a relationship with."
Ben congratulated himself on having successfully navigated his way out of this minefield of personal feelings about Poe. He was ready to move on to talk about Finn's hidden abilities again, but Finn had adopted a mask of skepticism, an obvious sign he wasn't done talking about this. Ben sighed to himself. Stars know why Finn couldn't talk about it with one of his friends, but if he wanted to explore Finn's abilities, he'd have to address Finn's fears first. He braced himself for a long, tedious conversation about feelings and emotions.
"You have feelings for Poe and he seems to be receptive, so why haven't you officially gotten together?" Ben asked, getting straight to the point. "It's obvious to everyone."
Far from soothing Finn, this observation served to panic him.
"That's not true," Finn protested hotly. "I'm good at hiding my emotions."
"Not around Poe, you're not," Ben refuted that statement. "I've only been here a few standard months – one of which you both were off the base – and I can see you care for each other beyond friendship. It's clear to everyone with eyesight that you both have a thing for each other. I even worked a shift this morning with a few Resistance fighters who were betting on when you two would finally 'become an item'."
Finn's mouth was wide open, his eyes glassy with shock.
"Notice I said when, not if," Ben reiterated.
"They're rooting for me and Poe?" Finn said wonderingly.
"I doubt there isn't a person in the Resistance who isn't," Ben said truthfully. The two men seemed to inspire a great deal of loyalty and passion from the Resistance fighters, their combined energy feeding the fire they'd sparked.
"Some people aren't okay with the idea of people of the same gender being together," Finn said flatly.
"Considering the galaxy contains thousands of species of varying genders and most of them intermix, it's irrational to place a stigma on a certain relationship," Ben said, shaking his head. "There are only a few planets left in the galaxy where sexual preferences are controlled by their ruling governments, and they are boycotted by the surrounding star systems. Where'd you get the idea that liking Poe romantically isn't okay?"
"The First Order demands it," Finn said, his brow crinkling as he tried to reconcile Ben's opinion with that of the organization he'd used to serve.
"Snoke never issued a direct order about that," Ben shook his head. "Nor did I or any of my commanding officers. We were more concerned about galactic domination than our underlings' private parts."
"You must not have stepped foot on the Retribution very often then," Finn said in a wrecked, disbelieving voice. "General Jadriel Trem made it very fucking clear that homosexuality would be punished by death if he even heard a rumor one of his people was guilty of it, let alone caught them."
"I had no cause for visiting that star destroyer very often," Ben admitted cautiously. "Its purpose was largely espionage and secret missions. Not exactly my expertise."
Finn swallowed again, fighting back tears. "Did the rest of the First Order really not care?" he asked in a whisper.
"No," Ben replied. "Two of my bridge officers on the Steadfast were dating. They kept it quiet, but I could feel the undercurrents of interest running between them."
Finn let loose a broken cry and started laughing to himself, the noises jagged and rough as if shards of glass were stuck in his throat.
Ben felt sympathy for the devastated man who'd just had his world turned upside down. He didn't know what he could do to make Finn feel better. He wouldn't do him a disservice and lie by saying he would have fixed it if he'd known. Kylo Ren wouldn't have given a shit because it wouldn't have been in his interest to intervene. But perhaps he could listen to Finn now and offer a supporting shoulder to lean on.
"Tell me," Ben invited.
Finn took in a shuddering breath and turned fully to face Ben and looked him in the eye. "I had a good friend when I was a stormtrooper. His designation was FB-2015 and he was the best man in our entire recruitment class. He was as strong and intelligent as anyone else, but he could make me laugh and believe there were other things worth doing besides fighting." Finn smiled in remembrance. Ben was given a glimpse of brown, curly hair and a flash of a roguish smile. "We both rose rapidly through the ranks, becoming squad leaders, sergeants, and then lieutenants together. We had more opportunities to see each other then. It started innocently enough, but as we spent more time with each other and got closer, we began to reach out to each other. A touch here, holding hands there."
Ben shifted as a wave of sadness and despair emanated from Finn.
"We were overseeing a data download in the server rooms and he was making jokes, trying to crack my leadership mask," Finn laughed with the bittersweet memory. "I… I kissed him and he kissed me back. It was the best moment of my life. I finally found someone to care about who felt the same as I did. We knew the risks and we didn't care. But then…"
"You were seen," Ben guessed.
Finn nodded. "I don't know who reported us, but they only saw FB-2015. Not two hours later, everyone was called to the hangar," Finn laughed darkly. "Trem had ordered every single person on the Retribution to crowd together in the space so he could make a speech about family values and the purity of heterosexual ideals. Then he dragged FB-2015 onto the platform with him."
Finn drew in a sharp breath as he relived the horrifying day.
"He'd been beaten to within an inch of his life, his uniform torn, bruises covering his face and arms, and a split lip in two places. I had to stand still and look like I didn't care as Trem told everyone of his wrongdoing and then used a shock prod on him, interrogating him for his 'partner-in-crime'. FB-2015 didn't give an inch, the damn bastard."
Finn shook his head, his voice shaking. "He was near unresponsive by the time Trem accepted he wouldn't be able to pull an answer out of him. But Trem didn't stop there. He nodded to his elite squad and they started pulling people out of the group. I was forced along with three other stormtroopers, a squad leader, and a fellow lieutenant to kneel in a line before the platform. We'd all been recorded as being in the vicinity of the server room at the time and were under suspicion. The general made an offer to FB-2015. Name his lover and he would show mercy to them both. Trem promised they'd just be sentenced to serve on different ships after completing their punishments and undergoing reconditioning to cure their 'misguided ways'. All as a show of his goodwill."
"He was lying," Ben said flatly.
"Of course the fucker was lying," Finn spat. He trembled with rage and loss. "FB-2015 said he'd sooner trust a babbling fortune-teller with my identity and spat in Trem's face. The general took exception to that and decreed that the punishment for homosexual conduct was death. He killed the first person in the line, and then the next. I couldn't move, knowing death was coming for me, not that I would have been able to run with the muscled goons keeping me on my knees. FB-2015 went ballistic and lunged at Trem to stop him, but he was held back by members of the elite killing squad. He was shouting obscenities and death threats, but all that did was let Trem know I was in the lineup. Trem killed the sergeant without blinking an eye when FB-2015 broke free. He lunged in front of the man right next to me," Finn sobbed. "And begged Trem to show them mercy. The stormtrooper was going to protest. I could hear him drawing breath to argue his innocence when Trem shot them both in the head."
Finn drew in shaky breaths, his hands trembling as waves of pain radiated from him. Ben didn't fight the emotion transfer, letting it wash over him so he could understand. A devastating sense of loss was pushed into his mind, stronger than anything he'd felt in his life. He hadn't felt this when his mother had passed or when he thought he'd lost Rey. It was incomprehensible to Ben how a person could feel such depth of emotion for another being.
"I didn't hear whatever pompous speech Trem made after that," Finn said as he found the strength to continue his story. "It was hard enough not breaking down from having my lover's brains shot out in front of me and being covered in his blood. Somehow, I managed to remain composed despite being shattered," Finn chuckled, the sound devoid of any emotion. "Trem let me and the last man, the other lieutenant, live. He must have had his doubts if FB-2015 had really given up his illicit lover, but he couldn't kill us after that since he couldn't prove we were guilty of anything. We were demoted back to stormtroopers and exiled. I was assigned to sanitation on Starkiller Base."
So that's how Finn's promising military career had been destroyed and why an intelligent, capable man had been stuck in a sanitation job. Ben recalled being confused when he'd reviewed the anonymous stormtrooper's talent profile for his mission to the Jakkuvian village; he'd thought the array of special skills and impressive weapons scores would have warranted an officer position. He'd been right, but he hadn't known the circumstances behind the low rank.
"So he saved you," Ben said. "FB-2015."
"Yes, the stupid bastard saved me," Finn finally broke down and sobbed into his hands in grief. "He should have given me up."
"He wanted you to live," Ben said with certainty, the Force giving him insight. "He loved you."
"And how did I repay him?" Finn laughed darkly. "I stayed and served the organization that murdered him."
"You did what you had to do to survive," Ben said, somehow knowing Trem had kept an eye on Finn after the events on the Retribution. The spymaster had spies everywhere, even on Starkiller Base.
"I tried to lose myself in following the commands of the First Order and reassimilating back into the culture. But I couldn't quite manage it," Finn didn't bother wiping away his tears. "It wasn't until Jakku that I realized I couldn't stay anymore."
"You didn't fire your blaster," Ben remembered the annoyance he'd felt when one stormtrooper hadn't followed his orders.
"I couldn't," Finn shook his head. "I'd tried to help a fellow stormtrooper who'd been shot and he left his blood on my helmet as he died. It woke something in me I thought I'd managed to bury with FB-2015's murder. And then I met Poe, who reminded me so much of him. You know the story from there."
"I do," Ben nodded. Finn's path had become quite spirited and vivid after his escape from the First Order. His transformation from loyal stormtrooper to defiant Resistance fighter to respected Resistance commander was known by millions.
"I don't think the Resistance is as extreme in their beliefs as Trem is, but I can't let myself hope," Finn said. "It's safer not to do anything."
"It's not going to be easy to erase decades of conditioning," Ben said. "But you have to understand that the Resistance isn't like Trem. They don't hold the same grudges and disdain for same-sex relationships. Look at Larma and Daria."
"They're female," Finn shook his head.
"Mixa and Aarzio are gay, or at least bisexual," Ben retorted, nodding slightly to his guards. They were sparring while Sertali kept score. "They recently started dating." Ben repressed a shudder as the forbidden memory of the two of them entwined in a passionate embrace surfaced in his mind for a second.
"They did?" Finn asked with the barest hint of hope.
"Aarzio can't keep his hands off Mixa," Ben smiled in amusement. It always made the composed captain blush violently. "Oh, and I remember my uncle Antilles had a boyfriend when I was a child. And I'm sure you've met Lando Calrissian. He's pansexual. My father loved to tell the story of how Lando fell in love with his copilot robot in addition to his record-breaking Kessel run. So if the Resistance hates different sexualities and how people choose to identify, no one has told the Resistance that in the past fifty years."
Finn's face was impassive and gave away none of his inner thoughts, though Ben felt his message was starting to sink in.
"You have nothing to fear from these people, at the very least," Ben said.
"I… I think you're right," Finn nodded. "What do you think I should do next?"
"Hell if I know," Ben shrugged. "I will say this though. Having an honest conversation seems to be all the rage. I'd start there."
"I'm not too good at that yet," Finn let a smile rise to his lips.
"Fighting is a lot easier and to-the-point," Ben nodded in agreement. It removed the need to connect emotionally, which was a plus. But Ben couldn't continue in that vein, so he'd done his best to adapt.
"Talking is a different kind of fighting," Finn said. "At least, that's the way I've tried to approach it."
The meal bell rang, the low noise a soothing interruption. Ben and Finn rose, ready to eat. Their conversation had taken quite a long time. Ben tensed as Rey didn't rouse from her trance. A pit formed in his stomach. In his efforts to bring Finn back from the edge of despair, he'd forgotten to keep an eye on Rey.
Ben sank to his knees and gently shook her by the shoulders. He reached out through the dyad, urging Rey to come back to herself. It was dangerous to stay in a trance for a long time. One's consciousness could get lost and they'd be unable to find their way back to their corporeal body.
A flicker of annoyance jumped back through the bond and Ben sighed in relief. She wasn't too far removed from her body. He took her slack hands in his own and rubbed them to chase away the cold.
"Is everything alright?" Finn asked.
"She's coming out of it," Ben assured him.
Rey's eyelids fluttered and then opened. "What is it?"
"You've been meditating for hours. It's time to stop and get something to eat," Ben said firmly.
"Can't I continue for just a few more minutes?" Rey pleaded.
"No," Ben helped her to her feet. "Your mind could get lost if you meditate too much."
Rey winced as she stretched her muscles, reaching her arms to the sky. Ben tamped down his reaction as he watched her move. Rey's stomach grumbled and she put a hand to her midsection.
"I suppose I can take a break," Rey conceded.
"The bell for last meal just rang," Finn said.
"Oh good," Rey smiled at him. Her smile dropped as she registered his state. He looked less confident than usual and there were still tear tracks on his cheeks. "Finn, what's wrong?" Her gaze flitted to Ben for a second, containing a hint of accusation.
"Nothing's wrong anymore," Finn took her hand and squeezed. "Ben helped me face some of my inner demons."
Rey accepted his touch and examined him closely.
"You know you can tell me anything, my friend," Rey murmured gently.
"I thought I could face it on my own," Finn said. "I think I have it figured out now." He let go of her hand and nodded in the canteen's direction. "Let's go eat."
"So what was holding your interest?" Ben asked as they walked to the canteen.
"I took your advice. I waited and listened to the wildlife, and then I could feel and see them!" Rey said animatedly. "There was a school of carnivorous fish in the river and I followed them downstream. I watched them interact with each other and swarm a poor animal and make a quick meal of it."
Rey chattered as they walked, more than Ben would have thought she would. But the pleasant sound was soothing and Finn relaxed fully. They entered the canteen which was full with the base's total complement of fighters, awaiting the daily report to be given before they started eating. Ben clocked Poe chatting with some other pilots. The man barely spared a glance for Ben, instead staring dejectedly at Finn.
Finn took a deep breath and headed straight for Poe. The pilot looked confused when Finn pulled him away from his conversation, but Poe's protests were smothered by the kiss Finn planted on him. Poe clutched onto Finn's jacket with both hands as Finn wrapped his arms around him and deepened the kiss.
Everyone in the canteen broke into cheers and calls of congratulations. There were a few voices of faux dismay from those who had lost a few credits betting it would take longer for their relationship to be formalized. They laughed it off and joined the rest of the base in cheering their leaders on.
Finn broke off the kiss as the cheers became deafening and ducked his head in embarrassment. Poe chuckled, his spirit happy for the first time in days. He gave Finn a peck on the cheek and said something to him. A wave of relief emanated from Finn as he slid an arm around Poe's waist and turned to talk with his Resistance friends. Rey was the first to interact with them and give them a huge hug.
Ben was happy for the two men despite his differences with Poe.
"Your doing, I suppose?" Mixa said beside him. "I was wondering what you and Finn had been talking about."
"I just helped him work through his fears," Ben said. "The First Order really fucked him up." Ben hadn't realized how toxic the organization had been. Or maybe he hadn't wanted to see it so long as his own interests weren't impeded.
"Don't I know it," Aarzio muttered from his other side as the fervor directed at Finn and Poe started to die down. "At least one of us can get past what they did to us."
"We'll both get there one day," Ben assured him with a growing sense of certainty.
Piece by piece, he would break down what had made him Kylo Ren and rebuild himself into a better version. He was well on his way to this goal, he just had to maintain the strength to keep going.
Ben smiled to himself as he joined the group in listening to the Resistance commanders give their updates to the gathering.
A/N: Poe and Finn are officially together! They're definitely one of my favorite Star Wars couples.