A/N: Another Swiftlet. Still blocked on my other stories :( Ah, well. I'll get inspiration soon.

Swiftlets

Swiftlet 2: Daylight

Lover

For once I wake up and don't know what time it is. I suppose the accident, the one that should have killed me, scrambled my brain, or maybe it's the fact that I ache all over, my muscles screaming. My face feels like it's been slapped repeatedly, but I'll take it since that air bag was part of the miracle that saved my life.

I groan as I shift positions, my pain intensifying, but I won't accept any medications. I've come so close to succumbing to my addictions this past year, and I won't flirt with another.

It's been a shit year. Actually, it's been awful for me for longer than that, and my eyes fill with tears when I think about it. Part of it has to do with the man sitting next to me as he holds my hand.

Wait…

Harm's still here. I glance at the clock on the wall, shocked when I realize he's held onto me for nearly three hours. I want to sob now but I hold it in check, loathe to wake him, for surely he'll let go. Instead, I let the tears flow silently, and they burn my reddened skin even more.

I've been pushing him away. I finally admitted that too him a few hours ago, and he didn't disagree. Why would he? Every time he got close to me, I shut him down. I don't know if I was just scared, or…no, I was scared, scared to let him in, knowing I'd just be waiting for him to leave me just as everyone else has.

Harm told me it was okay, that I had some stuff to figure out, but the truth is, I haven't figured out anything. I've been so miserable. I still don't sleep much, although it has gotten better since I started seeing Dr. McCool again. Then again, maybe that's not such a good thing. My sleep is so often plagued by nightmares. They aren't so much about Paraguay anymore. They're about Webb coming back to life to use me, to nearly get me and Harm killed. They're about me getting back together with him because he's the only one I deserve.

They're about Harm moving on with Alicia Montes, and why shouldn't he? I have nothing left to give him. I can't give him children, and I can't saddle him with years of emotional baggage.

My love for him has been cruel—to me, and most definitely to him. I've hurt him with my words and my actions. I threw my relationship with Webb in his face at every opportunity, even knowing deep down that it was nothing to be flaunted. I didn't thank him for saving me in Paraguay, and I was ungrateful when he tried to help me through my diagnosis of endometriosis. I told him to let me come to him with absolutely no intention of doing so.

Harm has said some horrible things to me too in this last year, but can I blame him? I all but ruined him. Thank God he was able to return to JAG again, and by all appearances, he's thriving.

Meanwhile, I am not. I'm sure I seem put together, but nothing could be further than the truth. Perhaps I'm just unlucky, but I don't think so. I'm where I'm at now because I've trusted what turned out to be wicked while wounding everyone and everything else that was good.

In my defense, I did try to clear the air with Harm early on, but that backfired. I called Harm seventeen times, blowing up his answering machine with my stupid begging, my 'I'm sorries' until it probably burst into flames, leaving both of us to breathe in its smoke.

I'm going to tell him to leave as soon as he wakes up. He shouldn't waste his time on me.

I close my eyes, hoping to fall asleep, hoping he's gone before I wake up. To my surprise, I actually do start to drift off…

I'm still here.

My eyes snap open, sure Harm said something, but it's clear he's still sleeping. I close my eyes again.

I'm still here.

Nothing's changed.

I'm still here.

My eyes open again, but the room is still silent save for Harm's quiet breathing. His hand, though, suddenly squeezes mine.

Because Harm's still here.

He's still here.

He's still here.

Nothing has change.

Oh my god…

Harm is still here. Even after what's happened between us, he dropped everything to come to me. He skipped going to the wall to stay with me. He's told me in so many ways how he cares. The pall around us after Paraguay has lifted, at least it has for him, and as I watch him here in the dark of night, I see daylight. It glows around him, brightening the room, brightening me.

I don't want to live in darkness anymore. I want to be part of his daylight. It's like I've been asleep this last year and a half, though it feels more like twenty years, and I'm finally waking up. I see daylight now. I see Harm, and I don't want to look at anything else but him. I don't even want to think about anything or anyone else save for the man still holding my hand.

I sniffle and start to cry, but they are happy tears. I try not to wake Harm, but I'm unable to be silent during this release of emotion. Harm starts to stir, and then his eyes open and he lets go of my hand to gently brush my tears aside.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" he whispers, and I shake my head.

"Nothing. I'm just…I'm so glad to see daylight again."

Harm frowns and I'm sure he thinks I have brain damage.

"Mac, hon, it's the middle of the night."

I used to see love as black and white, or in the case of Harm, burning red. Looking at him now, I see it as something else. It's golden, and in my mind's eye, I see how we've been caught up in each other since the first moment we met. Our lives are irrevocably intertwined, and I can finally imagine a future with him again. I picture myself climbing into his bed, kissing him, loving him, and in a flash of premonition, I see the baby I thought we would be denied. I look up at Harm and smile.

"No, it isn't," I say, and Harm looks even more concerned.

"Honey, it's still dark outside."

"Harm?" I hold out my hand to him. "I know it's dark, but all I see is daylight."

For a moment Harm hesitates, his eyes searching mine for something, but then he smiles. He takes my hand in his, his thumb brushing over my wrist as his smile widens.

He understands.

I want to laugh, to cry, to shout, but all I do his grin back at him.

"You see, Harm?" I squeeze his hand. "Daylight!"

He laughs then, and I join him, only to be reminded that I wrapped my car around a tree. I groan and he soothingly strokes my hair with his big, strong hand.

"I see, Mac." He leans down and gently kisses my bruised lips, then whispers something against them.

Daylight.

End