I'm surprised I updated this quickly, and I'm surprised it ended up being this long. This chapter ended up mostly focusing on Loki.
Loki giggles as he watches a bird walk around on the first he thought it was Huginn or Muninn, the Allfather's ravens. They hadn't liked him much and got him in trouble a lot, but this bird is a lot smaller than they are. It walks in a funny way. Its head bobs back and forth as it walks, and it starts pecking at something that's been left on the ground. He turns to ask Tony what the bird's called, but the space next to him is empty. He blinks. Tony had been right next to him mere moments ago. Hadn't he?
He looks around frantically, but there are too many wheeled, metal things and people moving around him and there's no sign of Tony. He doesn't notice the annoyed looks people are giving him as they go around him on the sidewalk.
Maybe Tony turned around and went the other way. Loki turns back and begins to work his way through the crowd he'd just left. But there's no sign of Tony on the side the'd come from, either.
Wringing his hands together, he rocks back and forth anxiously. Tony's gone. Tony's gone. His mind repeats this over and over, each time more frantic than the one before.
How is he supposed to get back to Tony's place? He doesn't know his way around here at all. But he needs to go back. That's where he lives now.
"Where does Tony Stark live?" He asks to nobody in particular in a loud, panicked voice. Two women who happen to be passing him just shoot him disgusted looks- maybe they know he's a Jotun- and don't answer.
He frowns. Aside from Tony and Pepper, people here don't seem very friendly- though he's only run into a few. Like that boy in that place they got the clothes. The one who called him retard. Which was something he'd never been called before today. It just means "to make slow." But if the boy's tone and Tony's reaction were anything to go by, it was some kind of insult.
Loki knew not to stand up for himself, since all that ever accomplished was making his tormentors stick around longer to put him in his place. So Loki hadn't said anything.
But Tony had.
He's only known Tony for a day, but Tony's shown him more kindness in that day than anyone in Asgard had in thousands of years. Tony hasn't hit or insulted him once. Quite the opposite. He'd (somewhat awkwardly) returned Loki's hug and actually said he was good at something. Tony had promised to protect him from Thor, and had even gotten him new clothes. And he'd stood up for Loki.
At first, Loki hadn't even believed his ears when Tony confronted the boy about what he'd said. Nobody had ever done something like that before. Nobody had taken Loki's side on anything, let alone challenged someone for how they treated him.
He doesn't know why Tony did it, why he defended a worthless Jotun. Although Loki's pretty sure Tony doesn't know about him being a frost giant, so maybe that's why he defended him? Tony certainly wouldn't have stood up for him if he knew what he really was, though. Not that Loki could blame him. Who would knowingly stand up for a monster?
But Tony had said, under the bed yesterday, that Loki wasn't a monster. Even though Tony doesn't know about his true form, Loki liked hearing that.
He'd been happy with Tony, and now Tony is gone.
Dimly, he hears someone next to him asking "Are you okay? Do you need help?" But they're probably not talking to him. Why would anyone care if he's okay?
Sure enough, the person eventually goes away.
Loki realizes he's been standing in the same spot since he noticed Tony was gone. He shakes his head. Standing there isn't going to get him to Tony. He starts walking, though he doesn't know where he's going.
He bumps into some guy, and the guy curses at him angrily. He backs away, frightened, and then hurries away before the guy can start hitting him. Running rarely does anything, since his tormentors often just catch him later, but this time he's lucky. The guy doesn't follow him.
Once he can no longer see the guy through the crowd, he slows down. He has even less of an idea of where he is now, but it's not quite as crowded here.
As he looks around the city, it sinks in that he's totally lost. He has no idea how to get back to Tony's building. That tower has felt more like home in a day than Asgard ever did.
He paces back and forth, flapping his hands. He doesn't even notice the green tendrils of magic forming around his hands until he unconsciously releases an explosive gust of wind around him, blowing away any litter on the ground in a ten foot radius.
He notices several people watching him, and his stomach drops. They just saw him doing magic, and doing magic in front of people never ends well. There are at least ten of them, which means it's going to hurt a lot when they beat him. He looks around. Maybe he'll be able to escape like he had from the guy he'd bumped into. But these people are totally surrounding him. He stuffs his hands, still with green magic around them, into his pockets.
His anxiety, which had already been really high after losing Tony, skyrockets. Loki screws his eyes shut and rocks back and forth. He just wants to be back in the tower, back with Tony. What he doesn't want is to be lost in a city surrounded by people who just saw him do magic. But it's not like what he wants ever mattered to anybody.
He's still waiting for the blows and insults to rain down on him, but they don't. Maybe they've left. Loki opens his eyes, but they're still there- in fact, there are more of them now.
Loki looks down at his hands. He can see the green glow emanating from his pockets, and he clenches his hands shut, trying to get rid of it, but it only gets brighter.
No! He can't do more magic in front of so many people. They'll all want to punish him for it and there's no way he can escape from them all. He wishes he were invisible. That was one of his best ways of hiding from Thor and his friends, but he can't always get his magic to do what he wants. Right now, it's completely out of his control.
Another gust of wind, stronger than the last one, explodes outwards. Some of the people surrounding him are actually knocked over.
Loki takes the opportunity to bolt. He darts around a corner and heads off, weaving through the crowd.
Suddenly, he sees the exact person he's been looking for.
Tony.
Loki grins and hurries after Tony. He's really glad the other man is here now. But Tony doesn't seem to have noticed him.
He calls out Tony's name repeatedly, practically singsonging it, but Tony doesn't turn around. Frowning, Loki tells himself that maybe Tony can't hear him. Still, he can't help but think, in the back of his mind, that maybe Tony can hear him and he's just ignoring him.
But Tony's his friend, and friends don't do that. At least, Loki's pretty sure they don't just ignore each other. As he darts across the street to follow Tony, he barely notices that one of the metal things almost hits him.
He basically sprinting after Tony now, but still isn't managing to catch up even though Tony's only walking. He remembers Tony seemed kind of mad before they got separated. Maybe he'd just decided he didn't want Loki around anymore?
The thought sends a shiver of dread down Loki's spine. Even though he was never wanted in Asgard, the thought of Tony not wanting him somehow seems far worse. Probably because Tony's been so nice to him. But all that will change when Tony finds out about his magic, and the thought of losing his friend makes him want to cry.
Suddenly, Tony turns into a building. Loki follows him in without hesitation, but blinks when he doesn't see Tony anywhere. Then he looks around in awe at the room he's in.
This place is packed full of the most random stuff. Furniture, books and completely unrelated knick knacks and objects fill up every available space Maybe it's someone's treasure trove, or maybe people just dump stuff they don't want anymore in here. But he likes that it's cluttered with random things. There are probably so many amazing things in this place, hidden in the clutter.
If his head were a room, it would probably look like this, he thinks. He smiles at the silly thought. Heads don't look like rooms.
He snaps out of it, remembering that he should be looking for Tony, who is still nowhere to be seen. Is he hiding? This would be a really good place to play a hiding game in. Ordinarily, Loki would love the idea. But right now, he doesn't want to play games. He just wants to find Tony and go home.
He starts wandering through the store, looking for Tony, but he often stops, distracted, to glance at something on the shelves before remembering to look for Tony again. There are a couple of boxes with glass parts on the front, kind of like the thing they'd watched stuff on last night, as well as some odd looking figurines and a spinning chair.
He calls out Tony's name, but Tony doesn't answer. Though if this is indeed a hiding game, it makes sense Tony's not answering. Loki hopes Tony won't do this sort of thing all the time. Not when he actually needs to find him, at least.
He goes past a table with vases, careful not to knock them over. He's gotten punished for that before, too.
Then, in between two bookshelves, he sees Tony in front of him and his eyes widen. Letting out a happy shriek, he runs up and throws his arms around him. Finally, this is over and he's not lost anymore, he thinks laughingly.
But his arms hit nothing but air. He blinks in confusion. How did Tony just disappear like that? Eventually it dawns on him that it had been an illusion like the other Loki's he sometimes makes. He's pretty sure this is the first time there's been an illusion of someone else, but that's not the important part.
The important part is that he hadn't found the real Tony at all.
After seeing no sign of the god for about a minute, Tony shakes his head, mentally berating himself. Why is he standing here instead of doing something?
He can't believe it. Loki's missing in New York City, and it's only the first full day the god's been living under his roof. What would Loki do on his own in New York? Would he look for Tony, or would he just wander around aimlessly, perhaps becoming a target for muggers (not that Loki has anything for anyone to steal).
His initial thought of wondering how he'd find the god was stupid, he tells himself. He's Iron Man, he's a freaking Avenger. Finding a missing god should be a piece of cake compared to other stuff he's done. Heck, it should be a piece of cake compared to Philadelphia earlier this morning. Yet, for that first moment he'd noticed Loki was gone, he'd been too caught up wondering about the god to do anything.
Any number of things could happen, and Tony hates the thought of something bad happening to Loki more than he expected he would. What if Loki gets hit by a car? (Although when Tony thinks about it later he realizes that probably wouldn't affect the god too much, considering he'd left a crater in Tony's roof and had been healed hours later).
If anything bad happens to Loki, it's going to be on his conscience. He should have been paying more attention. He should have checked more often to see if Loki was following him, instead of mulling over what that stupid teenager had said. Several times since yesterday, Tony had needed to guide Loki because the god wouldn't go somewhere on his own accord. But, on the way to the store it hadn't been an issue so Tony had stupidly dropped his guard on the way back.
Why had he thought it would be a bright idea to walk there, anyways? He could have taken a car. If he had, this probably wouldn't have happened, he thinks as he waits impatiently at a crosswalk for the pedestrian signal.
Pulling his own Stark Phone out of his pocket, Tony accesses Jarvis as he hurries back to the tower. "Jarvis, have the suit ready when I get back." He orders. He then records his location so he can go back without thinking.
Tony keeps an eye out for Loki, but he's not too optimistic about seeing the god. He doesn't of course. Other than that, he barely notices anything on his way home, too wrapped up in thinking about where he should look for Loki first. Loki can't have wandered too far, right?
He tries to remember the name of the store he and Loki had gone to, but he really hadn't been paying attention. He tells himself it doesn't matter. He knows where it is and should be able to find it easily once he's flying.
It takes him around seven minutes to get back to his tower. Once he's in, he jams the elevator button, wishing it went faster.
"Welcome back, sir. Your suit is ready, as requested." Jarvis says. There's a pause, and the AI begins to ask "Where's-" but Tony cuts him off.
"Loki's missing, Jarvis. That's why I need my suit. Now lets suit up." Tony tosses the shopping bags with Loki's clothes on the couch and walks out onto the balcony. As the suit attaches itself around him, Tony asks "Do you have the location I recorded on my phone."
Jarvis takes a couple seconds to respond, no doubt retrieving the information. "Yes, sir. It will take under a minute to fly there. Shall I man the ship, so to speak?"
Tony grins slightly and nods. The suit blasts off, and surely enough, less than a minute later he's hovering over the spot where he called Jarvis. But that hadn't even been where Loki went missing. Where did Loki go missing, anyways.
He notices several people staring and pointing up at him, and he gives them a quick thumbs up before flying higher, scanning the crowd. The HUD inside his helmet is really helpful with this, bringing up magnified images of the scene below, but it's still pretty tedious. It's like a huge "Where's Waldo?" except everyone's moving around.
He bites back a groan. This is starting to get really annoying.
Loki stares at the empty spot where the illusion-Tony had been. He knows it wasn't the real Tony, but he can't help hoping that maybe the real Tony will materialize there. It's a stupid thought but it sticks around in the back of his mind, even after he tries to get rid of it.
He looks around. He's not going to find Tony in this place, whatever it is. He's still not sure if it's a treasure trove or a place people dump stuff.
He turns around and starts heading towards the door, but he stops as he sees something familiar, something that briefly makes him forget entirely about looking for Tony.
It's Simba. At least, it looks exactly like young Simba. He blinks, and Simba's still there.
It's odd, Loki thinks. First, Simba had been in the thing he and Tony watched last night and Loki could see and hear him. Then, this morning, Loki could hear him as a voice from the walls, like Jarvis, but couldn't see him. Now, Simba has an actual body- he's not flat like a picture- but he's not talking.
Then he notices the toys surrounding Simba and Loki laughs at himself. Of course. He's not the actual Simba, he's a toy Simba. Thor had owned all sorts of cool toys when they were children and Loki hadn't gotten any. But now he gets Simba, and Simba's better than any of Thor's were.
Bouncing excitedly, Loki goes and picks Simba up. He's smaller than Loki thought he'd be. Though Simba's skin is soft, his body is really stiff and he's not squishy like the toy next to him. Really, the only squishy parts of his body are his ears, and sort of his face. He squeezes Simba's right ear.
"We'll always be pals, right?" Simba asks as he moves his head and tail. Loki shrieks out an excited laugh. He talks! He definitely beats Thor's childhood toys.
"Right," Loki answers, hugging Simba tightly.
"Cool! My dad taught me how to pounce! Did you learn anything today?" Simba responds, moving his head and tail again.
"Yeah! I learned what a waffle is! Waffles are really good. But I gotta find Tony now." Giggling, Loki adds "And you're coming too!" Loki knows Simba's not real but he ignores that fact. It's more fun pretending he is, and finds himself almost forgetting that Simba's really not real.
Hugging Simba to his chest, he walks back outside, not really registering whatever somebody inside says about paying something called dollars and stealing stuff.
He quickly realizes that, since he'd been so focused of following the Tony illusion, he doesn't even know how to get back to where he'd accidentally done magic. He keeps getting more and more lost, so maybe he should just stay put.
He seeks out the least crowded place he can find, which isn't too far from he found Simba. He only had to cross a couple streets, (he wishes those metal things would stop almost running into him) and he didn't even make any turns.
Loki fiddles around with Simba's left ear and discovers, to his delight, that Simba sings snippets of the songs I Just Can't Wait to be King and Hakuna Matata (Jarvis had told him the names of the songs when he'd been listening to them earlier).
But then his thoughts return to Tony, and his brief period of happiness is gone. He wonders where Tony is. Does Tony know he's gone? Unless there's an illusion-Loki with Tony, the man's almost certainly noticed Loki's missing by now.
Does Tony care he's gone? Loki cares a great deal that he's not with Tony, but he's not sure Tony feels the same way.
He starts to fidget and rock back and forth. He clutches Simba fiercely, which helps him calm down a little bit, but his worry overrides that small comfort by far.
What if he never gets back to Tony's tower? Then there'd be no more colorful cubes, moving pictures or waffles. He'd never be able to have conversations with Jarvis (who's a better conversationalist than Simba, he thinks) or wear those new clothes like the Snoopy shirt. Worst of all, he probably wouldn't see Tony or Pepper ever again.
He bounces on his toes, but it's in an anxious, panicked, manic way instead of the usual happy way.
If he never gets back, then he'll just be stuck out here in this city, which seems even worse than Asgard in his opinion (since he'd end up being tormented in either place, most likely). His life in Asgard certainly wasn't pleasant, but at least he'd been in a castle instead of lost alone in a city with nowhere to sleep and no food. He'd probably end up like the filthy guy he'd seen slumped against a wall earlier, and he'd only have Simba as a reminder of last night, the only night he can remember falling asleep truly happy (even though he'd gotten Simba today, Simba reminds him of last night since he's connected to The Lion King).
Loki's only vaguely aware that he keeps squeezing Simba's ear but he doesn't even hear Simba talk now, and the city noise has been reduced to a distant roar as his mind fills with horrible images of bleak futures. Contradictory thoughts tumble around in his head. Tony wouldn't leave him out here. Tony's his friend, right? That's what Jarvis said, and Tony wouldn't have gotten clothes for him if he was just going to ditch him. So Tony's probably looking for him.
This is quickly replaced by another horrible thought entering his head. What if he ends up going back to Tony's house but then Tony hates him so much for his magic that he ends up kicking Loki out onto the streets? He knows Tony's not going to like him once he finds out, but will he actually decide not to keep Loki around any more?
That's what the Asgardians had done, eventually.
Even the thought of Tony doing that to him is too horrible to stand, and Loki lets out an anguished scream.
Tony doesn't even bother holding back a groan now. He's been searching for at least half an hour and has gotten nowhere. Plus, his eyes are throbbing more than they ever have before. Clearly, his initial reaction had been more accurate than when he'd been telling himself this would be a piece of cake. He hates it when he's right like that.
It would be nice if he weren't the only person looking for Loki among the countless people below him. Maybe he should call in the other Avengers. He mentions this to Jarvis, who replies "Sir, might I suggest getting the people to help?"
Tony doesn't normally like the idea of being handed solutions, but it's not like he's being handed the solution to something thought provoking, like a technical problem he hasn't fixed yet. It's just a visual search. Besides, it would be nice to not be the only one looking for Loki. If he can get a people to look around them for Loki, it will probably go a lot quicker than the "Where's Waldo" type of thing he's doing now.
He swoops down low over several streets, gaining the peoples' attention by firing some repulser blasts into the sky. Then, he flies up a bit, and says to Jarvis "All right, time to go into megaphone mode."
"Can you all hear me?" He asks the people below him, wincing at how loud his voice comes out, but it has to be loud to be heard over all the background noise. Some people have completely stopped while others go about their business. There's a roar of assent from the people paying attention to him, though.
"All right, I'm looking for a man. He's over six feet tall. He has pale skin and shoulder length black hair, and he's wearing a blue shirt and white sweatpants." Tony pauses. Maybe Loki's within earshot. "Hey, Snoopy, that's you. Are you out there? Loki?"
He sees people looking around for someone of that description, and eventually one part attracts his attention by waving their arms and screaming at him.
"You found him?" He asks. He zooms in on the area with his HUD, and scans the crowd, but he doesn't see any sign of Loki. There's another guy who fits the same description, mostly, but he's obviously not Loki. He has a beard and he's wearing red, instead of blue like Tony specified.
Then, another section of people try to get his attention. He zooms in on that area. He knows he scoped all around it before. But this time, he sees a familiar figure standing there. He rockets down, wondering why Loki's just standing there.
He lands dramatically, slamming into the sidewalk beside Loki. Several onlookers jump and a few actually scream, but Loki is unfazed, and he doesn't seem to be aware of what's going on around him. In fact, Loki seems to be in the middle of a panic attack, judging from his shaking body, and a wave of sympathy rolls through Tony. He knows all too well what that's like.
He approaches Loki, but the god doesn't seem to notice him. His eyes are completely unfocused and he's clutching a toy- is that Simba?- like it's his only lifeline keeping him from spontaneously combusting. Where had he even gotten that? Tony shakes his head. Right now, that doesn't matter.
"Loki!" He says, trying to get the god back to reality. Is this just the god's reaction to being lost in a city in a strange world, or is it something else? What's going on in that mind right now? Is he reliving a memory? If he is, it must be pretty awful, and that's coming from someone who was tortured in Afghanistan.
Tony grabs Loki's arm, which gets a reaction out of the god, though not a good one. Loki lets out something between a yelp and a whimper and sinks to the ground, curling into a tiny ball with his arms covering his head. He's still clutching the toy Simba by one of its back legs, though.
Tony crouches down next to Loki, and Jarvis speaks up. "Sir, Mr. Loki's body temperature is dropping rapidly, and is currently at negative ten degrees Celsius." What the heck? That's below freezing. How is that possible?!
That doesn't matter now. He'll think about it later. With a grunt, Tony picks Loki up. Loki's body is contorted in a way that makes it a lot more difficult to get a firm grip on him. He manages to carry Loki into one of the more secluded stores (a high end tuxedo store) away from too many prying eyes. He ends up going into one of the changing rooms, telling the camera in the corner that if this is every made public he will personally buy out the company and destroy it.
He gently lays Loki on the ground and starts telling him that he's safe, and whatever's going on in his head isn't happening to him right now. All the stuff he wishes someone would say to him during his own panic attacks and night terrors.
At some point along the line, Loki's thoughts switch from potential horrible futures to horrible memories, though the seem like they're happening in the present moment.
"I'm sorry!" Loki says. He's young, just a boy. "So sorry, so sorry, so sorry sorry sorry sorry..." He just wants the pain to end, he wants the Allfather to stop whipping him. He doesn't even know what he'd done wrong. There'd just been some weird flash of green light, and he'd felt something in his body that he couldn't explain, but apparently was something really bad (as bad as being a Jotun) because he was being punished just as harshly. The Allfather is punishing him personally, which is bad in of itself, but Odin never punished him for being a Frost Giant. He left that to everyone else.
Loki dimly hears someone shouting his name. What has he done wrong now? The voice grows louder and louder, but it's sounds like it's from somewhere else, not where Odin's whipping him.
Gradually, the voice gets more pronounced and the sound of the whip, his own screams, and Odin telling him he's an argr fade into the distance.
He knows he's heard the voice, but he can't place it.
Odin's throne gradually fades and is replaced by a glaring light. Something's blocking out part of it. It's a head, but it appears as a silhouette in the light.
"Loki, it's okay. It's not real." The head is saying, but the words still sound distant as he lays there shaking and crying.
Two arms which feel rather hard and metallic compared to normal arms, lift him up and pull him close to an equally metallic body and he's no longer staring at the light or the head. "You're safe." The voice says softly.
For a while after that, it's silent except for his own shaking breaths. The embrace is surprisingly comforting, even if whoever's hugging him is made of metal.
Finally, when he's calmed down, he looks up and sees who it is. "Tony?" This isn't another illusion, is it?
The man gives him a cocky smile and says "The one and only,"
He nods and fiddles with Simba's tail. He hadn't even realized he'd still been holding the lion, but he shows him to Tony. Tony asks where he got Simba and he shrugs. "In some building with a lot of stuff two streets away."
Tony says something about buying stuff that sounds a lot like the comment that followed Loki out of his building he'd found Simba in.
Then, Tony says something that Loki hadn't been expecting to hear but is glad to. "I think it's time to get you back home, don't you?" Loki can tell he means the tower.
He hopes the tower will always be his home.
Well, I hope you enjoyed this. Loki's flashback was the first time he used magic, and it was originally going to be in chapter one. I feel bad for making everything so confusing for him, where he's worried Tony will treat him horribly when he finds out he's a Jotun and can do magic.
The Simba is a real toy that my cousins had. I remember playing with it at their house when I was like eight. It was a 2002 Hasbro My Singin' Simba (the things you can find on the internet!) For some reason, one of my first ideas for this fic was Loki having one.
I've been looking for it in thrift stores for months (I've bought a fair number of other random toys in them because I still love toys) but I haven't found one yet. One of the stores had two Iron Man action figures but they were both over $15 and I'm too cheap for anything over $5
Anyways... I'm not sure when I'll be able to update again. Classes are starting to give a lot of work :'(