A/N: We're back with yet another installment featuring your favourite redhead and silver fox! I hope you are all prepared for this one. Please don't hate me for the ride your emotions are about to take!
Shepard
23rd January, 2000
It was snowing the day that Evan Catherine Linton died in the early hours of the morning. By the time her best friend and roommate Carly Anna Marler stopped screaming and an ambulance had been called, the sun was beginning to peak through the clouds, casting an eerie glow over the icy ground.
Mid-Afternoon, 22nd January, 2000
In the months following Carly's admission of Evan's addiction, Jenny thought of little else. Her mind was rarely focused on her work, and to say that she'd been obsessing over it would have been a massive understatement. She knew that Gibbs had been going down a similar path, trying to think of his own ways to help the situation, but so far, neither of them had come up with any ideas. Carly remained distant, too preoccupied with trying to mange her own life and making sure that bills were paid on time, and once the initial worry had run its course, Jenny found herself feeling a white-hot anger than made her blood boil.
Evan was the responsible friend that had always had a level head on her shoulders, the one who had only ever done one rebellious act in her life to pursue music, and look where it had gotten her. How could she risk losing everything over a handful of pills and a deadbeat boyfriend? It simply didn't make sense. All of Jenny's self-restraint had been necessary to keep her from driving over to the house in the middle of the night to demand answers, doing anything in order to obtain them, but she knew that was probably the least effective of her many strategies.
Her husband, as usual, had opted for allowing Evan the chance to come to her senses on her own, but if she was as far gone as Carly had suggested, then there was a very high possibility that it would never happen. Evan wasn't her daughter, she was legally an adult...in all actuality, there was very little that Jenny could do. There were no legal avenues she could go down, as frustrating as it was to admit it. Still, if she had known what would soon take place, she would have driven over to her former house and stayed there until Evan agreed to listen to reason.
The ringing of her phone cut through the silence as she sat reading on the couch, and Jenny sighed as she placed the file down next to her. She'd opted to work from home that day, the cold making her symptoms much worse, and she rolled her eyes as her husband's name flashed on her screen. Checking up on her for the millionth time, no doubt.
"Jethro, I told you, I'm fine."
"Yeah, I know. I just need you to put some heat on Legal. They're dragging their heels on my search warrant, and I can't exactly catch criminals without it."
Jenny laughed, rolling her eyes.
"And when has that ever stopped you before?"
"True, but I'm not in the mood to be yelled at by an angry redhead."
"You love me, and you know it," she quipped.
He laughed, the sound making her smile, and she glanced out the window at the clouds looming overhead.
"I'll get them going on the warrant, but I want you and your team to be careful out there. Looks like severe snow moving in. If it gets too bad, call off the search."
"Will do. You're the best, Jen."
"And don't you ever forget it, Leroy Jethro."
As soon as she hung up the phone, she quickly fired off an email to the legal department, advising them to grant Gibbs his warrant, and as she picked up the file she'd previously been reading, she winced in pain. Her fingers had been cramping up much worse than usual in the last few days, and while she knew it was likely being exacerbated by the inclement weather, it was no less annoying. Why couldn't her body just cooperate and make itself work the way it had in her twenties? Was that really too much to ask? Mindlessly, she flipped through several pages, unconsciously keeping one eye slightly trained on the window in front of her, watching for the first fall of snow.
It was only in hindsight that she wished she'd noticed it sooner.
As had been the case several hours prior, it was the ringing of Jenny's phone that broke her concentration, and she picked it up without even glancing at it.
"Shepard."
"Mom, when are you going to change your last name?"
Jenny laughed, shaking her head.
"What makes you think I'm going to, Little One?"
"Oh, come on! You and Dad have been married for a long time now! You have to!"
"Seven months is not a long time," Jenny said with a smile, "Anyway, what's up?"
"I'm cuddling with Marnie on the couch watching Disney movies."
Uh-oh. Disney movies meant that Carly was trying to make herself feel better, and if past experiences were any indication, that was never a good sign.
"Something wrong?"
Carly sighed.
"I kicked Evan out about an hour ago. I told her that if she wasn't willing to at least think about giving up the drugs, she wasn't welcome here."
"I know how hard that must have been for you," Jenny said softly, "I'm proud of you, Carly."
"I just...I feel so terrible, but I couldn't live with it anymore. She was so high half the time that she didn't even know what day it was."
"Where is she staying now?"
"I don't know," Jenny could practically hear the shrug in Carly's voice, "I didn't ask. I'm sure she's probably with her boyfriend or some shit."
"Well, if you need me to come by, I will."
"Hey, I have an idea! Why don't you and Dad come by for dinner? I have a new recipe that I've been wanting to try!"
Jenny laughed, running her hand through her hair slowly.
"I'll run it by him, but I'm sure it won't be an issue. He won't ever admit it, but your dad misses you like crazy."
Carly laughed, though it wasn't nearly as warm as it usually sounded.
"I miss him, too. Both of you."
"I know, Little One. Hey, I'll text your dad and ask him about dinner, and then I'll confirm it with you. That should give you plenty of time to prepare. Sound good?"
After hearing Carly agree, Jenny quickly hung up the phone, sending a quick text to Gibbs. He responded in record time, making her laugh quietly as she confirmed the dinner plans with Carly. It really was sweet how much he adored Carly, and while it had once made her feel slightly guilty and sad for bringing her into their lives, she knew that he wouldn't want it any other way.
Gibbs
He reached for Jenny's hand as they drove, bringing it to his lips and kissing it gently as they parked across the street from Carly's house. It still took quite a bit of effort to keep himself from referring to it as Jenny's house, and though she hadn't mentioned it, he knew Jenny sometimes felt the same way. Not that she seemed to mind. After all, it wasn't like she had been living in it anyway since her mother had gone to stay at Brookfield Nursing Home. He knew all too well about how difficult it was to live in a house that was a constant reminder of things better left forgotten.
It wasn't until they were crossing the street that he sensed something was amiss, and when he felt Jenny squeeze his hand, he knew she'd noticed it as well. She cut her eyes to her right, directing his gaze, and he tried to keep his face neutral as he realised what she'd seen. Evan was sitting up against the side of Carly's house, her knees pulled up to her chest, and when they passed, he couldn't have been certain if she had noticed them or not.
Jenny had told him of the argument that had taken place between the two girls, and though he knew Carly had ultimately done the right thing, it wouldn't do any good for him to mention this to her. She had been struggling enough as it was, he didn't need to add to her stress.
"Is she still out there?" Carly asked, the moment they'd walked into the living room.
Exchanging a look with his wife, Gibbs finally nodded, looking at their daughter seriously.
"Been out there all day?"
Carly sighed.
"Pretty much. I think she's hoping I'll feel sorry for her and tell her she can come back. The only way that's happening is if she agrees to get clean."
Gibbs nodded.
"Hopefully, she will."
"Enough about Evan. She'll make her decision. Taste this sauce and tell me it's not the most delicious thing you've ever eaten!"
Though he was slightly concerned by the swift change of subject, he also completely understood Carly's reasoning. If she let the thoughts linger too long, she would be driven mad by them, and no one wanted to risk that. For now, at least, it was best to let the matter drop.
Oh, how he wished he would have kept pushing her.
At Carly's insistence, he and Jenny had agreed to stay the night, both for different reasons. He knew Jenny wanted the chance to cuddle with Carly and Marnie as well as try to help ease her guilt, and he himself wanted the chance to find out if there were any chance of salvaging her friendship with Evan. It didn't look as though he was going to get his chance, however, because Carly and Jenny immediately went upstairs in the bedroom to talk, leaving him to explore the rest of the house in silence.
There wasn't much to see that he hadn't already known about, but as he passed the mantle in the living room, he smiled as he noticed the pictures that Carly had placed in frames on the smooth surface. One of Jenny and Carly, more than a few of Carly and Marnie, one of Evan singing on stage, a few of Evan and Carly, and a family photo of Carly and her birth parents. His eyes lingered the longest on this last, finding every piece of familial resemblance, and he smiled.
Carly had her mother's looks for the most part, right down to her mischievous smile, but her eyes had clearly come from her father. It was clear to see, even in the slightly faded photograph, that they had loved each other tremendously, and he pointedly ignored the tears stinging his eyes. This was what his own photographs with Shannon and Kelly looked like, he was sure of it. He made up his mind, right then and there, to ask Jenny and Carly to take a family photograph. Even just a candid one would be enough. He wanted tangible evidence that his happiness wasn't merely a dream.
He wanted something he could hold onto when the darkness threatened to consume him.
Gibbs wasn't sure what woke him in the middle of the night, and he shrugged as he tried to get more comfortable in the bed that was slightly too small for both he and Jenny to lay in. He closed his eyes, burying his face in her fiery red hair that was strewn over the pillow, inhaling the comforting scent of vanilla. He had just about fallen back asleep when he heard the sound of footsteps, moving frantically down the hallway, and he frowned as they thundered down the stairs.
Figuring it to be a figment of his imagination, he merely pulled Jenny closer, closing his eyes as he felt sleep beginning to call to him once more. The piercing scream make his eyes fly back open, and Jenny jerked awake, her eyes scanning the room for signs of danger. Another scream, somehow more terrible than the last, made them both bolt from the room, Jenny nearly falling down the stairs in her haste to locate the source.
At first, his eyes had no clue what they were seeing, and when they finally began to register, he immediately shut down his emotions. He pushed past Jenny on the porch, his footsteps loud in the stillness and made louder still by the crunch of the snow beneath his feet. The icy cold didn't even register to his bare feet, and as he knelt down on the ground, he tried to block out the sound of Carly's screams just behind him.
He reached out, brushing the snow from the figure in front of him, and when his fingers touched the freezing cold skin, he knew if there was any hope of survival, he had to act fast. He ran as fast as he could back into the house, grabbing his phone from the coffee table, and as he dialed, he tried to control his breathing.
"9-1-1, what is your emergency?"
"I need an ambulance. Now. There's a girl outside my daughters house that is frozen. If someone hurries, there might still be time to save her."
He could still hear Carly screaming Evan's name as he waited for confirmation from the dispatcher, and after he had given them all the necessary information, he swiftly made his way back outside. Jenny had grabbed Carly from behind, keeping her away from the body, but there was nothing she could do about the bloodcurdling screams that fell from their daughter's lips every few moments.
Gibbs could see the beginnings of the sunrise in the distance, and as his eyes found those of his wife, he also registered the frozen tears on her face. If they didn't get inside soon, they would be no better off than Evan. He said nothing as he swept Carly into his arms, carrying her back into the house as though she were no more than a bundle of clothing, and when he realised that Jenny hadn't followed him in, he frowned.
Though he had no desire to leave Carly alone in the house, he couldn't risk Jenny's health, and as he walked back out into the cold, he noticed she had knelt down next to Evan's body, running her hand slowly over her icy skin.
"Jen, we need to wait for the paramedics inside. You'll freeze if you stay out here."
"You mean like Evan?" she asked quietly.
"There's still a chance," he told her, though with each passing second, his hope dimmed, "It might not be too late."
He helped her up from the ground, and before he could second-guess himself, he carefully picked up Evan's unmoving body, carrying it back into the house. Jenny followed him then, pulling ahead to grab as many blankets as possible, and when she mercifully came back with an electric one, it was such a welcome sight, he nearly cried in relief.
He plugged it into the wall, hoping it wouldn't take long to warm, and when he wrapped Evan in no less than six blankets, he began doing chest compressions, though he had no way of knowing if it was making any difference. Still, he had to try.
"This is all my fault."
Carly's voice was a soft whisper, and out of the corner of his eye, Gibbs saw Jenny shake her head.
"No, it isn't. You had no way of knowing she would stay out there all night. Or that it would snow as much as it did."
Just as Carly opened her mouth to answer, the sweet sound of sirens approaching interrupted her, and she bolted for the door, throwing it open. The paramedics wasted no time in lifting Evan onto the stretcher, and as Gibbs watched the door swing open in the early morning light, he felt as though he were watching a movie. Quite possibly the most intense horror movie he had ever seen.
The first few hours after Evan had been admitted to the Emergency ward were the most tense he could ever remember, and as Carly paced rapidly back and forth, he reached for Jenny's hand, seeking comfort in her warmth.
"Why haven't they said anything yet? What's taking so long?"
"They're doing everything they can, Little One," Jenny said softly, her eyes following Carly's every move.
"She's dead, what else can they do?" Carly spat, her voice breaking.
"You heard what the physician said," Gibbs said, his voice much stronger than he felt, "She's not dead yet. There's still a chance she could pull through."
Carly said nothing, simply resuming her pacing, and he felt Jenny squeeze his hand reassuringly. She had been unnervingly quiet ever since they had arrived at the hospital, and he couldn't help but wonder what was going on in her mind.
"Excuse me, are any of you here for Evan Linton?"
Carly whipped around at the mention of her name, and Gibbs was instantly on his feet, approaching the doctor who had spoken.
"How is she?" Carly blurted, unable to stop herself.
Jenny placed a hand on her shoulder, silently telling her to let the doctor speak.
"It's still touch-and-go at this point. There's no point in lying to you, she was technically dead for around two minutes, and if you had found her even five minutes later, this would be a very different conversation. Patients with dramatically low body temperatures and who suffered a cardiac arrest have survived for up to six hours with continuous CPR. And they were able to return to a full life after being resuscitated. You may very well have saved her life by acting as quickly as you did. As it stands, the next 72 hours are extremely critical. If anything changes, you'll be notified immediately."
Gibbs shook his hand, thanking him for his time, and as they sat back down in the hard plastic chairs, Carly began shaking violently.
"Evan died? But...she's still alive?"
He held out his arms, allowing Carly to fall into them, and as he stroked her hair, he exchanged a look with Jenny.
"She's still alive," he confirmed gently, "and no matter what your mind is telling you, it wasn't your fault. You had no way of knowing she was still there. But you found her. You're the reason she's still here."
She began to cry, and as they waited for even the smallest bit of hope, Gibbs placed a light kiss to her hair, sending up a prayer to a God he didn't believe in.
Shepard
Though she had used coffee as an excuse to leave the waiting room, Jenny couldn't deny that she really just wanted to be as far away from Carly and Gibbs as possible. For reasons unbeknownst to her, a thought had taken up residence in her mind, telling her just how easy it would be to walk out and lie down in the snow forever, as Evan had done. She had no intentions of actually doing it, but the thought refused to leave her, spinning around in the darkest corners of her mind, haunting her every move.
She knew the surface reasons were mainly due to her MS diagnosis, and this thought made her far angrier than she would have ever imagined. No more pain, no more uncertainty, no mortality hanging over her head at every turn...falling asleep in the snow would be so easy, likely painless, and she shook her head as she grabbed three cups of coffee.
What was she doing? The very idea was absolutely insane. She was tired, that's all. Tired, and worried about Evan. To suggest anything else would have been ridiculous. She knew that Carly would likely spend the night in the hospital waiting room, but as much as she understood the sentiment, there was no feasible way for her to do the same. Her body would never forgive her if she slept in one of those chairs.
She returned to the waiting room, handing coffee to both Gibbs and Carly, who by now had stopped crying, but looked desolate nonetheless. Carly laid her head on her shoulder as soon as she had reclaimed her seat, and Jenny slowly began running her fingers through her long strawberry-blonde hair, hoping she was providing even the smallest measure of comfort.
How had this gotten so messed up so fast?
Gibbs
When they were finally permitted to visit Evan in her room, Gibbs tried to mentally prepare himself for what he was about to see. She was so small, so pale, so...fragile, and he blinked hard as he let Carly walk closer to the bed. She reached for Evan's hand, holding it gently in her own, and though he would deny it if anyone had ever asked, he flinched as Jenny closed the door behind them.
"Evan..." Carly's voice was soft, "I don't know if you can hear me, but...I'm so sorry. I should have never made you leave. If I hadn't, none of this would be happening, and you wouldn't be stuck in this stupid hospital bed. You're my best friend, the only friend that has never given up on me, and I...I can't lose you. Please, please wake up soon."
She leaned down, kissing her forehead gently, blinking back tears.
"I love you."
Her eyes were locked on Evan's face, clearly hoping for some kind of response, and when there was none, she turned away, shaking her head slowly.
"This is all because of me. I was the one who kicked her out and told her not to come back."
Jenny, who had moved to the other side of Evan's bed, looked up at Carly sadly, her fingers running through Evan's hair slowly.
"It's not," she said quietly, "You couldn't have known that—"
"It doesn't matter!" Carly all but screamed, turning to glare at the redhead, "I told her that she couldn't come back! I threw her out, locked the door, and told her that I never wanted to see her again! I didn't mean it, I just meant that she needed to get help first, but...I did this! I made her leave!"
Gibbs stepped closer, gathering Carly in his arms, holding her close to his chest, and she collapsed against him, sobbing so hard that she could hardly breathe.
"I made her leave..."
"Shh..." he whispered, kissing her hair, "It's going to be okay, honey."
"I made her leave," Carly repeated, her voice breaking.
"She knows you didn't mean it," Gibbs told her gently, "Evan loves you. Probably more than anything in the world."
He could feel Jenny watching them silently, and he raised his eyes to hers, not surprised to see tears in her bright green irises. She hadn't moved from her place by the bed, allowing him the space to comfort Carly, and though he said nothing, he knew she understood just how much he appreciated that gesture.
Though he hadn't expected nothing different, Carly refused to leave the hospital that night, taking up residence in the chair next to Evan's bed, and as they hugged her, it didn't escape his notice how pale she had become.
"Don't worry about Marnie," Jenny told her with a reassuring smile, "We'll take care of her for as long as you want."
Carly nodded, and Jenny gave her one last hug before they left the room, and as they walked down the hallway, he could tell there was something on the redhead's mind.
"You okay?" he asked as they stepped into the elevator.
She sighed, looking at him tiredly.
"Can it wait until we get to Carly's?"
Deciding that she made a valid point, Gibbs nodded, wrapping his arm around her shoulder as they made their way to his truck. The drive was silent, though Jenny never once released her hold on his hand as he drove, and as he parked, he noticed that she seemed lost in thought. Halfway up the porch steps, Jenny's foot slipped on the ice, and he quickly grabbed her arm, narrowly preventing her from falling. The tears in her eyes surprised him as he steadied her, and he looked at her seriously.
"Jen?"
"I'm fine," she said, refusing to meet his gaze.
He shook his head.
"You're not fine. Talk to me."
She nodded her head towards the front door, shivering in the cold.
"Inside."
Marnie jumped up excitedly as soon as Jenny walked through the door, causing a small smile to appear on her face, and Gibbs wished fleetingly that he'd taken a photograph of it. She sat down on the couch, holding Marnie gently in her lap, and as she stroked the puppy's soft fur, she took a slow, deep breath.
"It would be easy. What happened to Evan."
As soon as the words left her mouth, Gibbs knew exactly what she meant, and though his first instinct was to convince her that she was wrong, he stopped himself, focusing instead on the way she still wasn't looking at him, the way she was using Marnie as something to hide behind. He understood at that moment just how much she had been struggling, on how much pain she had been hiding, and he said nothing as he was overcome by a myriad of emotions.
Annoyance at the fact that she hadn't come to him, sympathy because he knew exactly how it felt to not want to show weakness, fear that she had even thought of such an option, guilt that he hadn't noticed earlier, and an almost suffocating sadness that there was really nothing he could physically do to take her pain away. He stood, moving to sit next to her on the couch, pulling her into his arms, and kissed her hair, reaching for her hand.
"It would," he agreed, "And I wouldn't blame you for considering it."
She turned just enough that she could see his face, and he would have laughed at the look of shock had the situation not been so serious.
"You're not pissed off because I thought about it?"
He shook his head.
"No. I've been there. I know what it's like to feel like everything you do is meaningless, to feel so much pain that you would do anything to make it stop. To feel like there is no other way out."
"How would you have done it?" she asked quietly, as though she were afraid of the question.
"A gun," he answered without hesitation, "Quick, efficient, mostly painless. Hell of a mess to clean up, but at that point, it doesn't really affect me."
Jenny was silent for a long moment, and for one terrifying second, he was sure he had been too honest.
"You're braver than me," she said, her voice so soft he almost missed it, "I could never do that. I'm too weak to even think about it."
He shook his head.
"No, you're not. It isn't weak to not want to give up. Surviving through the pain that feels insurmountable, to keep going when it feels like things will never get better, that's strength. That's real bravery."
He kissed her hair, breathing in slowly.
"I wish you had told me earlier. I know this is the most difficult thing you've ever gone through, but you don't have to do it alone. And just know that it would destroy me if I lost you. You're the best thing that's come into my life since I lost my girls. You and Carly."
"I love you," she whispered, leaning back into his chest, "I just feel so lost and there are days it hurts so much I can't stand it. I'm just so tired of fighting. I don't want resilience anymore. I don't want to have to be strong anymore. I want softness and ease. I don't want to be praised for how well I can take a hit or how many I can come back from."
Gibbs held her tighter, running his fingers through her hair, kissing her cheek softly.
"You don't have to always be strong. Let me do that, at least every now and then. If you feel like falling apart, go ahead. I'll always catch you and I won't ever judge you. I'll even pick up every single piece."
"You mean that?"
He nodded, kissing her again.
"Yep."
She was silent for a moment, still stroking Marnie's fur, and when she turned to look at him, he was surprised by the depth of the exhaustion he could feel radiating from her eyes.
"I—"
The phone interrupted her words, and Gibbs reached for it, not even looking to see if it had been his phone or hers.
"Yeah. Gibbs."
At first, he was certain that it had been a wrong number, but it finally dawned on him that there was only one person who would be calling him at this time of the morning.
"Carly, what is it?"
"She...she's gonna be okay, Dad."
He was barely able to make out the words through her tears, but the relief he could hear in her voice was strong enough that he could feel it through the phone.
"Do you want your mom and me to drive back?"
"No, I...I want to wait until she wakes up, and it could be a long time, but they said that she's making really good progress. You saved her life, Dad. I—I love you and Mom so much."
"We love you, too, kid. Call us when you can."
He hung up moments later, and he knew Jenny was so on edge that she could barely stand it, if the shaking in her hands was any indication.
"Evan?" she asked breathlessly.
"Gonna be okay," he told her with a smile, "It'll be months of recovery, maybe even years, but she's going to live."
Jenny closed her eyes slowly, allowing Marnie to jump to the floor, and when she finally looked at him, the tears made her eyes bright in the dim light.
"Jethro?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm going to completely fall apart now."
She collapsed against him, her head buried in his chest, and as her entire body shook with desperate sobs, he held her as tightly as he could, pressing his lips to her hair.
"I've got you, Jen," he whispered, "I promise."
She cried for so long that he began to wonder if she would ever stop, and as he held her, he finally began to understand just how much she had been keeping buried beneath her strong exterior. When her tears finally showed signs of slowing, he kissed her hair again, running his fingers through the slightly tangles strands. She took a deep breath, raising up from her position and wiping her hands under her eyes, shaking her head once.
"Sorry," she muttered, moving away from him.
He was just about to tell her that she had nothing to be sorry for when she stood up, heading for the kitchen.
"Do you want coffee? I could definitely use it."
He almost asked her if she was okay, but it was clear that she wanted to pretend that the last fifteen minutes hadn't happened, and he merely nodded. She gave him a small smile as she walked into the kitchen, but it didn't reach her eyes, making him feel all the worse for allowing her to dance around the pain she was so obviously feeling.
She returned minutes later with blessedly hot coffee held in both hands, and as he took his from her, he noticed that her hands were steadier than they had been at the beginning of their day. In spite of the emotional rollercoaster they had just been on, this fact made him smile, and she gave him a strange look as she sat next to him.
"What are you smiling about before you've even taken one sip of coffee?"
"Your hands," he told her, earning himself another confused look, "They aren't shaking like they have been the last few hours."
She frowned, glancing down at them curiously.
"Huh," she said, her tone slightly amused, "Who would have thought that an emotional breakdown would cure MS?"
He laughed.
"Or, you know, it could be that your medication is working and letting some of those pent-up emotions out relieved some of the stress..."
Jenny shook her head, smiling slightly as she moved to rest her head on his shoulder.
"You might be onto something there, Leroy Jethro."
Gibbs took a long drink of the coffee, not even caring that it scalded his tongue, and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, hardly able to believe everything they had gone through in the last few hours.
"I love you," Jenny whispered, her breath warm on his skin, "so much."
He set his cup down on the coaster resting on the coffee table and turned, brushing her hair behind her ear as he moved closer.
"I love you more than anything in the world," he replied quietly, "and I hope you never forget that."
He kissed her, slow and long, one hand in her hair and the other on her waist, and she threaded her fingers in his hair, smiling as she opened her eyes,
"Jethro?"
He raised his eyebrow at her in question and she ran her fingers lightly over his cheek, moving to linger at the collar of his shirt.
"Come upstairs with me," she said, her voice low.
He didn't wait to be told twice.
Shepard
When she finally managed to untangle herself from Gibbs two hours later, Jenny found that she did, in fact, feel less stressed than she had upon awakening that day. While she could have attributed it to the (amazing, incredible, mind-blowing) sex she'd just had with her husband, she knew that was only a small fraction of it. She'd known that eventually she wouldn't be able to bury her emotions any longer and that it would lead to an inevitable moment of her being reduced to a sobbing puddle, she hadn't expected it to happen with an audience. True, that audience had only been her husband and her daughter's dog, but it still made her feel more than a little uncomfortable.
No matter how much she denied it, there was still a large part of her that hated asking for help, that couldn't even stomach the thought of anyone seeing her as anything less than perfect, and though she knew that was unreasonable (not to mention unhealthy), she didn't know how to stop herself from feeling this way. Gibbs was right (as he often was, infuriating as it may be), and she was finally starting to realise that letting her emotions continue to build was creating more of a problem than it was solving. But how did she fix it?
She sighed, running her hands through her hair as she made her way down the stairs in search of coffee, and when she noticed Gibbs in the kitchen with a sandwich halfway in his mouth, she laughed, shaking her head.
"Really, Jethro? You're eating Little One's food?"
He shrugged.
"I'll replace it. I was hungry."
She smirked.
"I'll accept that compliment."
He held the sandwich out to her and she shook her head, declining. His eyes widened slightly, but he said nothing, though she was certain she could guess what he was thinking.
"You need to eat at least once today, Jen."
Yep. How predictable.
"I will," she said, though even as she did, she wasn't sure if it was a lie.
"Will you?"
Damn him for being so perceptive.
After a few moments where it became evident that he wasn't going to let this go, she finally sighed, sitting down at the table,
"I don't know," she admitted, "I know I should, but..."
"But..." he asked, leading her on.
"Because I keep thinking about it."
She didn't clarify what she meant, but one look at his face told her she didn't need to. The sadness reflected in his eyes told her more than words ever could, and he reached for her hand across the table.
"You've done really well for a really long time. Relapses are common. We've dealt with them before. And I know that the more stressed you are, the more likely there are to happen. But please, at least when it comes to this, be strong. Be resilient."
His eyes locked on hers, begging her to agree, and Jenny knew that she didn't have it in her to break his heart. Not like this. Not again.
"Okay, Jethro," she whispered.
He offered her the sandwich again and this time, though the very thought filled her with a fear she didn't even entirely understand, she took it, giving him a reassuring smile.
"I love you," he said, taking her free hand in his.
"Do you?"
He smiled.
"You know I do. Even as infuriating as you can be, for some reason, I can't stop loving you."
Jenny laughed, handing him the sandwich again.
"Definitely too much mayo on your sandwich," she told him.
"Okay, now you've gone too far," he glared jokingly, "Immediate divorce."
It occurred to her, sitting in her daughter's house, eating a shared sandwich with far too much mayo, that she had never loved her husband more. And she would do anything in the world if he would only look at her that way forever.
A/N: Believe it or not, there is such a thing as too much mayonnaise. Poor Gibbs.