How did you get that way?
I don't know
You're screwed up and brilliant
Look like a million dollar man
So why is my heart broke?

Million Dollar Man / Lana Del Rey

"Sorry about last night, boss, I swear I didn't see the message," Johnny said, sitting down with the sharpening kit the man had asked for, along with his knives, sliding them in front of J. Who immediately began working on bringing them back up to code, a small smile on his face.

"Eh, No big deal," He chuckled. "Next time, though? Check your phone before you come inside. She's got an open invitation after last time," he laughed, hand on the back of his neck.

"That good?"

"I offered her a job before we even started." He laughed.

"Shit, do I need to start checking the classifieds?"

"Nah, I have a feeling… Her jobs would be a bit different." He seemed deep in thought.

Johnny chuckled, raising his eyebrows, "I mean, well. As long as you never get our numbers mixed up."

"Get your mind out of the gutter," He slapped the back of his head. "I just mean… I get the feeling… Her talents lie elsewhere."

"So like I said, don't get our numbers mixed up,"

Both men laughed.

"By the way, find out what you can about Jack Ryder."

"The GCN guy who stands like he's been riding a horse too long?"

"Yep," J popped the last syllable. "She's been… on dates with him." At Frost's quirked eyebrow, he continued, "Recently."

"I never took you to be a jealous man." Frostie laughed but stopped when the other man glared at him.

"I'm not jealous. I can tell you that there is absolutely nothing to be jealous about from that goddamn worm. If anything, I'm helping her." He shrugged. "Free Pest control."

"What?" I felt as though I had been frozen. My brain wouldn't work, and my chest was tight. My eyes flicked to Eddie, who was watching me. Was I imagining the way his shoulders relaxed when I looked at him? "What is going on? Where is Pam?"

"Harley, She's missing-"

"No, she was in Metropolis," I said, still numb.

"Harley, the maid went in to clean this morning and found—"

"I don't understand?" I said, shaking my head.

"Wherever she is, she's injured."

My head swiveled, to stare at the officer. "No, no. That isn't possible. If Pam was in trouble—" She would have called me. But I didn't have my phone. Stupid, selfish, monster.

"Back up Jack." I heard Eddie bark before leading me to the couch and bringing Baby over to sit with me. I stroked her head as the fear sat in.

"What happened?" I looked up at the officer, and he spoke, but I found myself unable to take in the words. Too busy thinking. Remembering.

He lifted a phone from his pocket quickly, tapping out a message, and I noticed that the phone was tilted away from me as he typed, I leaned over, causing him to click the screen off.

"Such a rubber neck!" He laughed….

Frost lifted his phone, squinting down to read the text, before going pale, and glancing up at J and then to me- then back to J quickly again. "So sorry, Boss. I'll… retrieve… that immediately."

I huffed a breath in horror, working to keep my face neutral.

"I'm trying to own up here, and you aren't making it easy. Shouldn't you be thrilled? I'm communicating."

I barked a laugh and rolled my eyes. "Maybe I would be, if I thought it would prevent you from doing the next horrible thing you think is funny."

He shrugged, "I make no promises."

"Hey, Harley, try to breathe," Bruce sat down beside me rubbing my back, and I lowered my head into my hands unable to control my face. I was unaware I was crying until the sobs were wracking my entire body, and Eddie's arms came around me as I sobbed in humiliation and despair. I'm a fool. I'm a goddamn fool and I got my best friend killed.

The Officer, whose name I refused to learn, left quickly when it became clear that I had no information for him. He did tell me that if I remembered anything, bring it to him. What good will the information do you? You can't torture him, can't take from him. But I could. And I would. If he had so much as harmed a hair on her goddamn head, he's a deadman. Bruce made his excuses as well and left, sad eyes on me the entire way out the door. Jack took himself to my kitchen, making what smelled like soup.

Suddenly a thought occurred to me, and I blinked again, looking up quickly. "Ed." My voice was quiet, but he jerked his eyes in my direction, still deep in thought. Phone, I mouthed, and stood, walking robotically to my bedroom and opening my drawer to find my phone. I breathed heavily when the screen lit up. FOUR MISSED CALLS

I looked up, to where Ed had followed me to my bedroom, then back to my phone. I lifted the phone, to see that there was a voicemail. I heaved, looking at Eddie. "She called me-"

He took my phone, closed the door behind him, and locked it quickly, before playing the message. It was unclear what we were hearing at first until I realized it was her shaking breath, a half-inch from the phone. I leaned in listening. Her voice was only just audible before the message ended.

"What did she say? Did she say Racing Through?" I whispered.

He glared at the phone. "I can't tell. I need this to find out, may I—"

"Whatever you need. Ed, Fuck, What—"

"Harley," He interrupted, "I need to tell you, there's a chance that Pam-"

"No," I said sternly. "No."

"Harley with the amount of blood—"

"No, Ed." I shook my head, another sob breaking through. "No. I can't" He nodded, hugging me again.

"Hey, Everything is going to be okay, okay? I'm gonna figure it out, no matter what."

I already have. I'm so sorry, Eddie.

Two days later I was ready. The clothes I wore were helpful for my plans tonight, oversized, and dark, not at all my usual go-to. The weapons were easy to come by as well. A retractable baton that I hid in my bra, the gun from one of Jervis's customers that I kept stashed down the back of my Jeans, and a knife clenched in my fist, hidden in my hoodie pocket. I walked there, sticking to alleys where I could. I watched for a tail, expecting one.

He had to know that I knew. He would be expecting me. I was sure of it. But when I made it to the building, Only one car sat in the parking lot. I watched from the Alley, hoping that I would be able to get Joker alone.

I didn't have to wait long, maybe fifteen minutes after I arrived, Johnny was jogging to the black car, laughing. His laughter burned me, knowing the source. Bastard. Bastard. Bastard. The car pulled out quickly, wheels squealing down the road in the opposite direction. I stalked around the building, finding an open window, next to a radiator.

I climbed it, and slid inside, dropping to the floor quickly, with a nearly silent thud. I held my breath as I waited to see if he had heard. Once inside I bound my hair quickly in twin buns close to my head, hard to grab. I stepped carefully to the door, working to keep my steps light. The door was open, and I stepped into the hall, listening for him. I heard a dull clacking to my right. I followed the sound, stepping quietly into the room.

He sat at the table, in the same clothes I had seen him in last, typing on a laptop. I saw his hand move away from the computer, and panicked, pulling the Baton from my bra, and bringing it down on his head three times in quick succession.

He hit the floor, unconscious for a moment, and I flipped him over, restraining him with my legs before pulling the gun on him. When I was sure I had him pinned, I raised my other hand and slapped him, roughly. His eyes flashed open searching the room before resting on me again, and he laughed.

"God, what did I do this time?" His smile dropped slowly when my face didn't relax. "Hey, what—"

"Where the fuck is Pam?" I pressed the pistol more firmly against his jaw. His eyes flitted down and he giggled, before looking back up at me.

"You probably aren't going to believe me when I say I have no idea, huh?"

"Do I look like I'm laughing?" My voice was cold, and I slapped him again, furious. "Where the fuck is Pam, J or I swear to god—"

"I don't know!" He laughed, eyes still amused. "I'm not lying. Come on, Harls, you know me—"

"Yes, I fucking do, J. I know that you know! You sent him, and you fucking killed her," I cried, bringing the gun down on his head, dazing him again, before I fell into sobs, "You fucking— you made me think— god I should fucking kill you."

He looked up at me, smiling again, but his eyes were sad. "There is nothing I can say, is there? To make you believe me? You've made up your mind about me. Why?"

"Because it's the only thing that makes any goddamn sense! Pam is the safe one. Pam is the smart one, the one who makes good decisions. If something happened to her—"

"It has to be your fault," He said softly, and I shook my head.

"No. It isn't my fault, it's your fault. You did this."

"Then shoot me," He closed his eyes, "If you're gonna kill me just do it already."

I glared at him. "Admit you did it."

"Lie to you? No. I won't do that. But you're welcome to shoot me," He chuckled, keeping his eyes closed.

I slapped him again, "Stop fucking lying!"

"I'm fucking not!" He snarled, and I brought my fist down on his face again.

"You are, you fucking are!" I didn't realize I was still hitting him until he started laughing.

My breath heaved as I stopped, looking down at the man, whose eye was already swelling shut, and his nose clearly broken. Looking down at my hands, I saw that I had dropped the gun, wanting to feel his flesh splitting against my knuckles.

"Come on, Harl. Thought you were gonna kill me?" His voice was tired.

"I—" I leaned back, sobs ripping from my throat. "Goddamn it J, I really liked you," I cried, and looked back down at him, somberly bleeding beneath me. I touched his face. "It could have been so fun—" I stopped, unable to breathe through the tears, wishing he hadn't fucked everything up so he could be the one comforting me instead. "But she's my sister, J. I can't— I can't J. Not Pam, Not Pammie." I slapped his chest with flat palms, breath coming in gasps, as I panicked. "It could have been anyone else— Why her? I would have forgiven anyone else, but my best friend?"

"I didn't do it," He said, closing his eyes again. "Are you gonna kill me or just torture me all night, Harls."

"Don't fucking call me that."

"Dr. Quinzel then." He opened his eyes but kept his focus on the ceiling. "What's the move, Doc?"

I stared at him for a long moment, willing myself to kill him. My arms shook, but I couldn't do it. Finally, I shook my head, eyes going blank. "No. I'm not gonna kill you, J. But this?" I moved the hand once again, gripping my gun between us. "It's over. The game? Done. Come near me again and I will make what happened to Guy Kopski look like a fucking mercy kill. Do you understand?"

"Whatever you say, Harley." He said, still not looking at me. I brought the baton down on his head one more time. I stood, kicking him in the ribs for good measure, before making my way out of the building.

Back at my Apartment, I iced my knuckles, before deciding to shower. Once inside the hot water, my emotions took over again, my chest felt as though it was inverting, exposing everything to open air and killing me, over and over, every second since I had spoken to J. I had no way to prove it, of course, my only real evidence was the text he had sent Johnny the night of Pam's disappearance. To retrieve something.

FUCK. I realized, stepping out of the water, and running back to my room while slipping on my robe. He gave me that phone, I have the proof unless he deleted it.

I opened the phone, clicking on the first contact, labeled The Snowman.

"Don't come back for a couple of hours, we're busy."

Reading the last text, my stomach dropped, but I told myself that meant nothing, and that he was still the most likely subject. Who else would it be, but the domestic Terrorist who seems to have a fixation on me?

"Boss? Do… Do you need a hospital, or… something?" The clown opened his eyes to see Johnny leaning down to look at him, a confused and fearful expression on his face.

Joker blinked, before resetting his nose. "Fuck." He grunted, sitting up.

"What happened?" He asked him as the clown stumbled to his feet, before walking to his seat.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Frost. These are from the Bat. Don't you remember?" He didn't bother glaring at the man, knowing Johnny would understand the unspoken meaning.

Johnny did remember, J walked away with barely a scratch. But he nodded in understanding before handing the other man his dinner, and the twelve-pack he had asked him to buy. Sitting back at his computer, Joker began working on his research again, only to pause when Frost left the room. He Reached for the red shirt he had kept hidden beside him, bringing it to his face, and breathing in her smell again.

Lemon candy.

"Johnny!" He yelled, and the other man peeked into the room, "Find out..." He cleared his throat. "What you can about Pamela Isley. She's gone and I want to know who the fuck it was. Fast."

AN: Please comment if you enjoyed it, we're getting close to the end of book one.