Thank you all for the kind comments!
Translation is becoming very challenging, despite using Google. I have to constantly correct she/he and it takes me a lot of time.
I wrote over 400 pages for this story and the idea of having to revise them all scares me. I hope to succeed.
The only alternative would be not to revise, but then it would be difficult to read the text.
Let's see what happens.
All rights belong to Buffalo Pictures.
CHAPTER 5
The following morning he apologized for his behavior and asked her to allow him to accompany her on her visit to Madrid.
She agreed…hoping once again that things would change.
They reached the Prado Museum as scheduled and around one o'clock they stopped for lunch in a characteristic restaurant not far away, before relaxing with a walk in the nearby Retiro Park.
Satisfied with the pleasant hours spent with his wife, Martin felt more relaxed as he walked in the shade of the large horse chestnut trees along one of the avenues of the immense garden. He came a little closer and took her hand.
Louisa smiled and laced her fingers with his, telling him how she was captivated by the intensity of Caravaggio's "David and Goliath."
They stopped on a bench near a pond. Martin looked at her in that tender and shy way. He marveled at her… how he was incapable of stopping.
"I don't care if you're not a head surgeon in a big London hospital." Louisa looked at the stretch of water in front of them. "I understand, though, that this blood thing is a big deal to your business, and I think it's causing you a lot…inconvenience. Portwenn is certainly not the most suitable size for a man of your abilities…"
She turned and noticed the worry attacking him again. She smiled at him and shook his hand.
«What I mean… is that… Martin matters to me… whether you are a country doctor or an esteemed surgeon, I admire you for the seriousness and dedication you put into your work.»
He bowed his head…he always struggled to accept a compliment. He gave the impression of being convinced he didn't deserve it and she was sorry for that. She found it unfair that he thought so low of himself as a person. Sure, he had a complicated character… but who didn't?
Maybe she…one day…she would get used to people's surprised looks when she found out that she was her wife.
Maybe she would even get used to his absolute inability to show her affection with a caress or a gentle kiss at any moment of the day… gestures that she, however, she missed very much.
Maybe she would learn to tolerate his unassailable logic and his sermons about the most suitable and healthy food.
What she really didn't accept was that unbridgeable detachment when it came to his feelings. He withdrew into himself and shut her out and it drove her mad, because she was her wife… she was her mate and she had the right to be a part of his life… she wanted to be a part of it.
«You see, Louisa… my father and grandfather were accomplished surgeons and everyone expected me to carry on that tradition…» his voice had turned sad. «…and it wasn't a problem, because I found it an interesting study…I liked it. When I could no longer do my job, my parents were once again very disappointed..."
"Why do you say 'one more time'?"
Louisa stiffened suddenly, annoyed that this cold, cruel woman who was his mother had never been able to show him any affection or encourage him. In what little time she had spent with her, Margaret had done nothing but criticize him.
She was as cold as he was, but unlike Martin, she looked like she had nothing beyond that armor. How could he ever be different from what was his, her husband, given how he was treated?
"Well…"
She saw him swallow. She watched his jaw tighten and the skin on his cheeks move as his gaze drifted away. She wanted to hug him and kiss his face, but she knew he wouldn't approve of such behavior in public…perhaps not even in private.
She wondered if she herself was capable of letting herself go like this with him…
"I have never been a child who lived up to their expectations. I was weak and uninteresting."
"What?!" Louisa was indignant «What does it mean? You were their son and it is the only necessary condition to be loved by one's parents!»
"Not in my case." he concluded seriously.
The weather was turning bad and heavy dark clouds gathered on the horizon. She moved closer to him.
"I will always love James Henry, nothing will stop me from doing it." she added resolutely.
She rested her head on his shoulder…yes, they were around people, but she needed to…whether he liked it or not. Surprisingly Martin didn't flinch, but he squeezed her hand harder.
"I'm sure it will. You are a good mother, Louisa."
They stayed to enjoy the light breeze under the horse chestnut, a little more united than before…still uncertain, but in need of each other.
The sky was dark by now, the wind had picked up and they decided to go straight back to the hotel. They hadn't even left the park before it started to rain.
Holding her hand, Martin walked briskly towards the entrance gates. There was a bit of a commotion, obviously all the people were flocking to go and take shelter somewhere.
"You walk too fast for me, I can't keep up with you!" she raised her voice to be heard above the shouting of the people.
"We need to get a cab as soon as possible, Louisa, try to keep a steady pace." he urged her.
The woman huffed and grabbed his arm forcing him to turn around. "Your legs are longer than mine, I'll never be able to walk the same steps as you."
He looked at her uncertainly for a moment, before agreeing and adopting a slightly slower pace. Louisa clung to him trying to follow him willingly, no longer protesting but, on the contrary, trying to get closer to him. Suddenly he took her hand, moved away from the crush and pulled her under a tree. He stood in front of her… the drops of water slid down his solemn face.
"I'm going to see the therapist Ruth recommended as soon as we get home." he had to shout over the noise of the wind that had risen «I'll work hard, Louisa. My aunt says it will be even more complicated for me, but I will try my best." gusts shook the branches above them.
She looked at him in amazement. His blue eyes gazed at her tenderly and eagerly.
"I will…if you still want me."
The rain increased. Martin stood there, waiting. He was soaking wet and she was sure that bothered him a lot.
"Yes." she threw her arms around his neck "Of course I want you."
It was true, she really wanted to be with him. She also knew how difficult it was to live that relationship, but… while she clung desperately to her husband… wrapped in her long arms… she decided to forget about it. For as long as it could have been done.
Martin pulled her away from him and spelled out her words looking at her.
"Let's go, before it becomes a storm."
She smiled at him and nodded yes.
The rain had become constant, but not too heavy. They were forced to walk back to the hotel and entered their room completely soaked. Martin had been grumbling all the way about how unobtainable even in Madrid were taxis when had let him, savoring that feeling of pleasure for that little hope that was born again in her.
"Are you okay, Louisa?" he worried as he closed the door behind her. "I'm fine, Martin."
"Ahmm…sorry about…all of this." he continued frowning.
She smiled at him and gently stroked his cheek.
"A quick shower and it'll all be over."
She blew him a kiss and headed for the bathroom. Later she, wrapped up in a soft bathrobe, waited for Martin to finish, rinsing off in front of the window. She watched the rain fall quietly through the glass. She thought about James, what he was doing at that moment… and she thought about her husband… the things he had said to her since they were in Madrid.
She didn't want to delude herself that everything was resolved and that there would be no more arguments…not even that she would be able to stay with him if he shut himself off like that again…but, yeah…she really wanted to delude herself a bit…at least until they were on holiday.
She turned when she heard him come out of the bathroom, also swathed in a toweling bathrobe…perhaps slightly too small for his build.
"What are you doing?" he asked as he approached.
She lifted her face to meet Martin's eyes. He seemed much more relaxed, almost… happy.
"I watch the rain." Louisa reached down to his chest to caress it. The man took a deep breath.
"Well." he observed her. Then he leaned in again and slipped his hands around her waist.
She closed her eyes for a moment and sighed. When she was in his arms, anything seemed possible.
Louisa let his soft kisses reach her lips and she stopped breathing for a moment when Martin untied the knot of her bathrobe to let it fall to the floor.
She reached for his belt and did the same. Well…they would finally be one for the rest of that afternoon. She would take care of the rest later.
As she watched them step out of the taxi on their way back from Madrid, Eleanor immediately sensed a change in their dynamic. It had been a good idea to let them be alone for a while.
When James saw her mother, he stretched out his little hands towards her, shuffling his feet and letting out happy squeals. Louisa picked him up and cuddled him for a long time while talking to him softly.
Martin approached and put his big hand on his little head, greeting him kindly and the little one smiled at him waving his arms. He also took the opportunity to check closely and discreetly that he was well and did not show any strange symptoms…
"At that time?" inquired Eleanor "Did you like the trip?"
"Yes, very much, it is indeed a beautiful city." her daughter answered enthusiastically.
"I'm happy."
Louisa placed the baby in her husband's hand and went to embrace her mother warmly.
"Thanks for looking after James, Mom."
The woman hesitated for a moment in surprise, but immediately recovered and gently hugged her daughter to herself.
"Don't forget Loulou, I enjoyed taking care of my nephew."
The following days they resumed going to the beach in the morning, then a light lunch at home, a short nap and back to the sea. In the evening they always all had dinner together at Caleb's and Martin was happy, because he really liked how they prepared the fish.
Louisa had the opportunity to chat for a long time with her mother, who was indeed spending as much time with her as possible as she had promised. She had told her that she had met her partner in Seville, where she was taking a short trip, that after a short time he had asked her to move in with him in Villaricos and that she had been happy about it. She felt very comfortable with him…he was different from the men she had met so far. Caleb respected her and gave her peace of mind. She usually helped him in the restaurant… in the kitchen, in the dining room or with the suppliers, but he had forbidden her to work on those days to be with her. Martin relaxed a little, glad he'd made up with his wife. He had taken to taking long morning swims to other beaches on the coast…he found them invigorating.
Louisa certainly appreciated to see him come out of the sea all wet and with his short hair tousled…she often watched the water droplets sliding down his chest or back. She watched his strong arms flex as he passed the towel over himself and…she wished she was that towel… she told herself before scolding herself, smiling to herself.
One afternoon Eleanor suggested that the couple take the evening for themselves and try another restaurant she knew in town. Louisa looked at her husband puzzled…she knew how much he cared about his habit…but he surprised her by willingly accepting her advice.
"Don't worry about James, the two of us will be fine together... and I'll put his cot in our room, so you can come back at any time without fear of waking him." added Eleanor hiding a mischievous look.
Later, while Louisa finished getting ready, Martin went out into the garden where, in spite of her, he ran into her mother-in-law who was standing under the gazebo cuddling James.
When she saw him…strutting in a smart, but too serious gray suit…she stood up and she walked over to him.
«Oh, Martin…that's too much. You are on holiday in a quiet holiday resort in the South of Spain…don't be so formal…"
Rebuking him good-naturedly, Eleanor quickly removed his tie and undid the top two buttons of his shirt, adjusting his collar.
"I'll leave you the jacket… your wife may need it later."
Taken aback by such audacity, he did not object, but was about to complain aloud and take back his tie when the woman's attention was captured by something else.
"Loulou! But you are wonderful! This dress fits you divinely!"
Martin turned to see a bright, smiling Louisa approaching them.
She was wearing a dark blue dress, quite short, which covered her up to her neck and left her shoulders bare. Her loose hair and slightly tanned skin took his breath away.
"Oooh…don't you think your wife looks beautiful tonight?"
Her mother-in-law patted his arm and he gasped out of his astonishment.
"Don't overdo it, Mom…" she scoffed, giving her husband an accommodating look.
Martin closed his mouth and cleared his throat.
"No…no…your mother is right, Louisa. You look more beautiful than ever tonight." he managed to say… embarrassed to feel the blush rise to his ears.
"Thanks, Martin."
"Please."
The woman kissed and said goodnight to James, said goodbye to her mother and looked at him.
«You look good like this, Martin...without the tie and the slightly open shirt...I like it.»
He put his hand uncomfortably around his neck and stammered something unintelligible, then held out her arm and led her to the taxi that had just arrived.
They spent a pleasant evening at "El Faro", a very simple and clean place literally on the sea, where the fish turned out to be very fresh and tasty. Being at the other end of the village, they could then walk along the seafront to the house.
There were many people around and a light breeze mitigated what remained of the heat of that day. They walked close together, but without touching, until Martin decided to take her hand and she intertwined his fingers.
He felt elated to have succeeded and looked around triumphantly. He had beside him the most beautiful woman in the world… and she was his wife. He'd been sneaking glances at her all evening and almost always been caught in the act, but he just couldn't help it. Louisa pulled him towards a beach that opened out below them, away from the music and noise.
They walked along the sea for a while and she persuaded him to sit down on a rock, which he had earlier eyed with some disappointment.
There was little light at that point and she was enchanted to observe the surf weakly illuminated by the moon... while Martin was enchanted to admire her profile. She noticed and turned around surprising him, but she didn't look away. He leaned down and kissed her softly, applying only a slight pressure behind her back to bring her closer to him.
He then squeezed her hand harder and looked towards the sea satisfied.
"There's something different about my mother, don't you think?"
"It's not like I knew her that well before..."
"Real. However she seems to me... relaxed... actually, satisfied. For as long as I've known her, she always seemed to be on the lookout for something… in fact she would just pick up and leave… until she never came back to Portwenn. She sent me postcards from different places every time, even when she was with that Javier. » she bit her lower lip and she leaned closer to Martin leaning her head against his shoulder.
She shivered slightly…because she refreshed…but mostly because of the contact with her husband.
"Are you cold?" he was immediately concerned.
Then he remembered her mother-in-law's words, took off his jacket and slipped it over Louisa's shoulders.
"Thanks, Martin." "Please." she answered shyly.
She smiled at him and took his arm with both hands, squeezing into him.
«You know… I was twelve when she moved here to Spain. One day she left and I thought she would show up shortly, as usual. But no. She left me and my father alone. Some time later he wrote to me to join her to stay with her, but I had no intention of making such a sudden change of life. » she spoke softly.
«So Dad and I were left alone…and he wasn't exactly a saint. He did what he could… he was affectionate… he called me princess and that was fine… until he promised me castles and riches, because they were always and only lies. » she sighed.
"Then he stole the village's money and he disappeared too." she concluded bitterly.
"How did you manage at that point?"
"I managed. I had been looking after myself for as long as I can remember, somehow it didn't make a difference that my parents were there…and then there were the people of Portwenn to help me out…especially your aunt Joan. She was a good woman…she helped anyone in need."
"Yes. However, yours have behaved very badly by shirking their responsibilities.'
Comforted by the warmth of the jacket and his closeness, Louisa relaxed.
"It's been a long time, it doesn't matter anymore." she concluded.
Martin admired her fortitude. Despite her difficulties, she had become a good and generous woman, ready to help as much as his aunt. He bent down to kiss her head and she lifted her face to receive a kiss on her lips as well. He complied softly and stroked her cheek with the backs of his fingers.
"I'm sleepy, Martin. Let's go?"
"Yes." he agreed, leaping to his feet and helping her up.
They walked home silently and hand in hand. Once there, Martin opened the gate that led to the garden, waiting for her to enter. Under the gazebo was Eleanor, who greeted them by the dim light of a candle.
"I'm waiting for Caleb and yes, James sleeps peacefully, I just checked." she informed them while sipping a soda.
"Thanks Mom."
"Imagine Loulou."
She briefly told her mother about her how she had gone, then she Louisa went and sat down on the rocking sofa saying she was very tired. She closed her eyes and snuggled into her pillows.
"I think I'll sleep here..."
«But you can't…» Martin immediately protested, who had remained impassive to listen to them.
"I'm too sleepy to get to the room…" she murmured.
"You can't sleep outside, Louisa, it's too humid, especially so close to the sea."
… But she didn't answer, as if she was already asleep.
"Louisa?" he called her dryly "Louisa!"
Nothing. Grumbling to himself, he leaned in and sighed. He took her arm and wrapped it around his neck, then lifted her up and felt her gripping against him. He turned for a moment to look at her mother-in-law.
"I…uhm…"
"Yes, go go Martin, good night." she dismissed him with a half smile. "Yes."
In the bedroom, he laid her on the bed and turned on the bedside lamp. He couldn't leave her dressed. He tried to sit her up and looked at her dress. He noticed that it was tied with a thong behind her neck and he untied it. Carefully he pulled it off her head and noticed that his wife was smiling with her eyes closed.
«You're kidding me, aren't you…Louisa?» he asked resignedly.
«Maybe… a little… » she whispered lifting her lids.
Martin let out a kind of exasperated grunt and lowered his gaze, immediately captured by her bare skin illuminated by the weak light.
He allowed himself to wander over the lace of her lingerie that perfectly contained the tender curve of her breasts and impatiently imagined the moment when he would take it off her.
He heard her laugh and looked at her gravely, still on his knees in front of her and with her dress in his hand.
"I like this game, Martin, can I play it too?" she asked him slyly.
She reached out to slide his jacket to the floor, then concentrated on the buttons on his shirt. She wasn't halfway there when she felt the urgent need to get close to his face and cup his lips between hers.
She kissed him with a fervor that she had felt grow suddenly, while she continued with the buttons to free him from that garment as soon as possible.
She succeeded…at last…and Martin pulled away staring at her…the desire for her in his eyes was at least equal to hers.
Louisa woke up when it was still dark and she silently got out of bed to go to the bathroom. She looked out the window and noticed a very thin line of light on the horizon… it wasn't long before dawn.
Martin was sleeping peacefully on his back. She slipped back into the sheets and lay down on her side towards him. She lifted her head on her bent arm to study him. His features were calm and innocent, and she felt her heart ache with the love that man aroused in her.
She thought back to how close and needy they had been to each other just a few hours ago. She remembered his hands…claiming her from her…and his kisses…burning her skin.
When they made love, Martin relaxed and let go. He became thoughtful and attentive and applied himself passionately, eager to please her. He often stopped to look at her face while he caressed her, incredulous and dreamy at seeing her happy. He had quickly understood how to tickle her senses, and then devoted himself with enthusiasm to loving her intensely. He worked as meticulously as he did in his work and in any other business he did. The result was an ecstasy she would never get used to and it wasn't just a physical matter. In his arms she felt their barriers melt away and their minds become one.
She looked at his full lips…they were so soft when she kissed them. She wanted to at once, but she held back not to wake him… not yet. She wanted to enjoy the sight of him some more, before he became serious and controlled again.
She traced his toned arm to his hand resting on his stomach. Where did that tender and passionate Martin go out of their bed? He had never hidden that grumpy and irascible character, yet she had also glimpsed something else in that shaggy and unfriendly man. More.
The light of dawn was already filling the room and squinting at his bare chest, which rose and fell rhythmically.
The last few days had been pleasant, Martin had worked hard to remain calm and tolerant, but for how long would he be able to do it?
Because she knew it was only a matter of time before he exploded at the slightest mishap or stupid statement…or before he shut down by keeping her out of his thoughts…as if she were a stranger.
Martin stirred and breathed deeply as he opened his eyes… and she looked at them in silence… so clear and defenseless that she was moved.
She smiled at him and her husbandly expression softened. He was still half asleep as he lay relaxed next to her.
Louisa quickly got used to that routine of days at the beach and evening walks. James also had a great time, especially when he took him to the water, and in the evening he collapsed early in his father's arms.
Watching them, she noticed that Martin instinctively bowed his head towards him protectively, while he slept on his shoulder.
Perhaps because he was unaccustomed to his inactivity, she soon caught signs of nervousness in her husband. Living with other people, far from the safety of his own home, seemed in the long run intolerable to his abilities. He still held back, but…with more difficulty.
This attitude annoyed her a lot.
Eleanor and Caleb had been gracious and accommodating throughout, the house was tidy and clean and they hadn't wanted a single penny for food and inconvenience…he could have made an extra effort…indeed he had to make that effort, even once they got back at home…he had to if he loved her.
He had to learn to be kinder and more sociable, to get along with at least some Portwennians and stop treating everyone with annoyance. For her work, for her family… and for her sake!
... and because she wasn't forced to be ashamed of the pitying looks they gave her and she didn't have to apologize every time in his place.
With these thoughts bouncing around in her head, she felt a subtle tension push them away again.
Almost every evening he sought her out in their bed, he loved her passionately… always generous and attentive… and she willingly yielded to his hands.
She was aware that the moment of confrontation was near and perhaps for this reason she wanted to take advantage of his passion as much as she could.
So she wasn't surprised when Martin snapped at a bar waiter…guilty of dropping a glass on the table while serving them…after he had been glaring at him the whole time and making him uncomfortable with a certain amount of rudeness.
Louisa neither commented nor scolded him. She simply remained silent until he returned home and did the same when he picked on a dog and its owner at the beach, when he argued with another English tourist who was guilty of not queuing and when he began to be abrupt with everyone again
Martin realized that his mood was deteriorating and he knew the problem was his lack of usual anchors and all that time available to simply do nothing.
He noticed his wife's umpteenth disappointment and this aggravated his discomfort to the point of making him even more insecure. Terrified of making a mistake and losing her… he did the worst of him.
He approached the day of departure, to Martin's relief, but not Louisa's. An idea popped into the woman's head... there was still more than a month left before school resumed and she was really fine in that place... apart from her husband, of course... but she didn't want to go home. So she asked Martin to stay one more week.
"What?!" he snapped as his hope of a return to normal faded before him.
«It's nice in this village, the climate is really pleasant and James enjoys himself…»
«He is a child, he enjoys everything.»
She sighed and squinted at him.
«Yes, fine… but the school holidays are still long and I would like to spend more time with my mother.»
"But you don't like your mother!"
"That's not true, Martin. We have a complicated relationship… but she is my mother. »
He opened his mouth to argue, but held back and decided to change his strategy.
"And how do I do with the clinic?"
"You keep it closed for another week and send everyone to Wadebridge."
«Oh come on, it's not that simple, I have responsibilities»
Louisa got annoyedis work always came first and usually she appreciated his professionalism, but his wife was asking him for a favor at the time.
"All doctors in the world have the right to have a vacation. Martin!"
"But…"
"No, no buts. That's right."
He didn't answer right away, looking at her in amazement.
«I… I'd rather go home…» he stated lowering his tone.
"Well, I don't. You always decide for everyone… you and your work always have the last word." she approached him standing up on her feet to stare him straight in his eyes "I want to stay." she stated adamant.
"You're throwing a tantrum now and you're a little old for it." he immediately regretted letting those words slip, especially when he saw his wife's face fill with anger.
There…he had screwed it up again.
Louisa stiffened and lifted her chin defiantly.
"I stay here. It's my decision."
He looked at her for a moment.
"Agree." he capitulated without enthusiasm "I'll call Morwenna and..."
"No. I think it's best that you go home. You have responsibilities, don't you? With your patients, certainly not with your family..."
"But Louisa…"
"Go home!" she cried.
Martin took a silent step back.
«It doesn't work, Martin, so it doesn't work… I can't think it will always be like this… we never agree. You hate...everything! And everyone. »she had tears in her eyes now « I guess I can't put off that break from… you anymore. » she concluded in a faint voice.
"I don't understand… and Madrid… and these nights… well, I thought…" he stammered in terror.
"I really need to get my thoughts in order and do it alone, away from Portwenn and… from you." she added sadly.
Martin sighed heavily. Insisting on her wouldn't have changed her mind and he preferred to give her the space she asked of him… perhaps she would have calmed down and she would have forgiven him… after all, it was a matter of a week… or not?
"All right. Let me know your return flight time next week so I can pick you up at the airport."
«I don't know exactly when we'll be back…» Louisa lowered her eyes «I…I'm not able to make predictions now…»
He stood there mulling over what he had just heard. He was suddenly overcome by the fear that he had lost her forever. He did not ask for more and was unable to object in any way. He looked at her for a moment, nodded his head and left their room.
Two days later Martin returned home. He greeted his wife and his son pretending a tranquility that he did not have. They exchanged only a few words. The atmosphere between them was heavy. He took James and brought his forehead to his. Overwhelmed by the pain of that separation, he whispered an apology to his son.
Finally he looked at Louisa, whispered an "I'm sorry" and instinctively tried to kiss her on the lips, but she only turned her cheek to him.
He sadly handed the baby over to her and got into the taxi. Louisa noticed his watery eyes and wondered…again…if she had made the right decision. She held the baby close to her as she watched her husband walk away from her, and she felt very tired.