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CHAPTER 7

When Martin hesitantly entered their room, he found her barefoot in only her petticoat. The soft light from the bedside lamp dimly illuminated her suddenly intimidated face. Her long loose hair brushed her bare shoulders. In her hand she held his pajamas and a towel. She set them on the dresser.

"Here you are. I'll get your dressing gown." she made for the closet, but stopped.

"Come in, Martin."

"Yes." he cleared his throat and stepped forward closing the door.

«I was wondering… are you very tired? I mean...maybe you're not sleepy yet...in that case...maybe...or instead you're sleepy and want to go to sleep...rightly so...it's been a busy two days for you.» she felt all of a sudden awkward.

«No…in fact I'm not sleepy yet…» or maybe yes, he didn't sleep properly, he didn't even remember how long, but what did it matter with that splendid and terribly sensual woman in front of him? He couldn't think how much he wanted to touch her and caress her silky skin, but he waited for her permission, because he was afraid that he would misinterpret her signals and make her angry or, worse, that she didn't want the same What.

He looked at her impassive and motionless. His gaze was soft and insecure.

Louisa bit her lip lightly as she searched for a way to overcome the awkwardness that had descended between them. She knew that by teasing him just a little he would become the most attentive and passionate of the lovers.

So, head down, she took a step forward to find herself inches away from Martin.

"Do you mind if I come near you?"

The man swallowed in embarrassment as he nervously searched for an indefinite point where to lay his eyes…but it was a moment…her delicate perfume reached him and he immediately began to calm down. Almost surprised by a reaction that had been becoming habitual for some time now, he managed to look at her with a hint of a smile and to answer her without hesitation.

"No."

Louisa came closer again. His commanding, confident figure stood straight before her with his arms down by his sides. She couldn't see over his shoulder. She closed her eyes and listened to her husband's deep breath, as the warmth of his body reached her even from a distance.

"And now?"

He felt blown away by the intensity of that moment. His first instinct had always been to escape as far as possible from any intimacy. The contact on his skin almost hurt… as if to remind him of all the punishments he had suffered… and every caress he hadn't received… but with her it was different.

Louisa soothed him. Louisa welcomed him. Louisa filled him with an intense heat that warmed him from all the freezing years he had lived through. She was his only chance to know what it meant to be loved…and what it meant to love. Never before had he felt anything like this and he was absolutely certain that he would never want another woman again.

Up until a few hours ago he thought he had lost her forever... and instead they were there, in their room, alone... facing each other. He lowered his head to her ear.

"No." his voice was a soft whisper.

The woman got close just enough not to touch him again. She was a little afraid of going too far on him and eliciting Martin's usual defensive reactions… but she also feared that her husband's unavoidable need that she could no longer deny. As terrified as she might be of being abandoned once again by those she loved, she felt it was time to let go of the past and trust him. This time without hesitation or second thoughts. She decided to put her life in his hands, knowing that under no circumstances would he let her down… whatever fate had in store for them.

She had never accepted to depend on someone, because she had been betrayed by those who had had the duty to take care of her, when she was too young to do it alone. She had suffered from it, as she had suffered from superficial and sloppy relationships… until she had met this man… hurt perhaps even more than her… who patiently surrounded her with all possible care. Struggling against his own mental patterns, Martin had learned to be with her, to accept her in his life. He worried that she was okay, that she had eaten or slept enough. That was how he showed his love for her.

In these months away, she had understood that she had done everything wrong...that, while she blamed her husband for being cold and detached, she was the first to not be able to let her go...it was she who held back and was afraid. Martin, however, was there, trying to deal with his insecurities and always there for her and James.

Now she was able to admit that she depended on him…because she depended on him now, whether she liked it or not. She could finally accept the way he was…and she could accept her wounds.

That grumpy and intransigent man had made every effort to overcome his limits and he was doing it just for her. He never asked for anything for himself.

"And now, Martin?"

The man inhaled deeply with his eyes half closed. The smell of her skin within a breath of him…her calm voice…his cheek began to lightly brush her loose hair. He realized that the presence of his wife in his living space was no longer a problem. Suddenly, he didn't feel inadequate…he didn't feel he didn't deserve her. For some reason incomprehensible to him, that wonderful creature loved him and it didn't matter if someone else, that love, hadn't been able to give it to him. It didn't count, because now he had so much more than he had ever dared hope for from Louisa.

"No." he whispered close to her face and stopped thinking. He stopped wondering what it was supposed to do and what it was expected of him. He pulled her to him and hugged her tightly, sinking his face more and more into her neck, while Louisa welcomed him with that sweetness of hers that moved him so much.

"I'm sorry." Martin snapped.

"About what?" she didn't understand right away.

"I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I shut myself up for you to escape. I'm sorry for not being the husband you wanted. I'm sorry I haven't been around you since James was born…" With his face still buried against her shoulder, his words began to flow by themselves. Louisa held him tighter as with one hand behind his head she stroked him and held him close to her.

"I'm sorry I wasn't man enough to confess my true feelings to you when you got pregnant again. When I found out you were pregnant, I felt an indescribable joy and I just wanted to hold you close and tell you that everything would be ok…that I loved you more than anything in the world and that I would take care of you both."

«I haven't been very cooperative…» she admitted regretfully.

"No, I was wrong. I should have been more forthcoming instead of hiding behind my stupid pride. Excuse me."

He ran his open hands down her back, lingering on the skin that the petticoat left uncovered.

«I'm sorry I'm not able to touch you by chance…» he continued «… to kiss you at any moment or to tell you how much I love you while you are doing anything.»

He raised his face and finally looked at her.

"Forgive me, if I'm not the man you deserve."

"You are all I want, Martin."

His wife's sweet eyes were filled with tears and an immense love that overwhelmed him, depriving him of any remaining defense.

"I would give my life for you, Louisa."

"I know, Martin. I know."

«I…» he frantically searched for the right words in his mind, but it was more and more difficult to talk to her so close…so beautiful…only his…after all that time.

"I really love you, Louisa."

"I love you so much too, Martin." she cried and laughed now, as she softly stroked his cheek.

She slowly brought her hand down to his chest. She could feel his heartbeat under his shirt. Stretching out her arms, she pulled off his jacket, letting it fall to the floor. Then she devoted herself to undoing the knot in his tie, but it was too tight and she asked for help. She pulled the cufflinks off his cuffs and slipped them into his trouser pocket, so they wouldn't get lost. Then…calmly…she unbuttoned all the buttons and freed him from his shirt standing up on her toes.

She ran her hands up his broad, smooth torso and placed her lips right where she'd heard the pulse. She never told him, but she was always enraptured by his toned body, by his long arms… which completely enveloped her in the most intimate moments… and by his strong legs… which she glanced at with satisfaction whenever she knew of not be seen. His skin was warm, and the barely invisible blond hair was soft under her fingers. She slowly distributed many small kisses on his chest, while she gently let her hands descend on his belt, opened it and unbuttoned his pants, looking at him with that little mischief and defiance.

With his arms at his sides Martin let her do it, in silence, wincing at her gentle touch and enjoying every moment. The kiss she had placed on his heart almost made him cry, it had been so tender and spontaneous.

She could be so sweet and passionate at the same time as she stroked him…and he felt filled with love and gratitude.

He reached down to strip off the rest of his clothes, and as he came back up, he grabbed the hem of Louisa's petticoat, sliding it over her head and then dropping it to the floor in one motion. He looked at her surprised face for a moment, then he held her close to him and kissed her calmly, gently running his hands over every available flap of skin. He wanted that kiss to make her understand how much he loved her, how much he wanted her, how much he needed her. He wanted it to let her know that she had made him a better man, that she had changed his dreary and boring existence into one filled with love and hope.

He felt the need surging, but he tried to slow down to make the moment last as long as possible.

Holding her close he looked at her in the dim light of the lamp. Her blue eyes gleamed as she stared back at his. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her forehead…nose…her mouth.

"You are so beautiful, Louisa…so, so beautiful."

Unhurriedly…tasting her mouth tenderly…he pushed her towards the bed and laid her down. He stood admiring that inviting, sinuous body, until she opened her arms to call out to him…as if she couldn't wait any longer.

Louisa shivered looking at him at the foot of the bed…so big and strong…his shoulders so broad…she wanted him desperately on her…and he bent down and glided over her.

While she clung perfectly to his body, Martin thought she was made exactly for him…how she responded to his kisses…how she reacted to his hands…how effortlessly she opened to him…how she moved with him…how she shivered under him …and how she looked at him with slightly half-closed and dreamy eyes.

He forgot everything, intoxicated by the smell of her skin. He surrendered completely to his senses and her heart that claimed her for himself.

Yes, she was made for him and he was made for her.

Later, Louisa idly watched as Martin walked back to the bedroom and to the dresser.

"No. Come back here." she stopped him "No pajamas tonight." her expression predicted no discussion.

He gave in immediately and slipped shyly between the sheets. Louisa slid over to him, slipped under his arm and snuggled blissfully against his bare chest, languidly stroking his soft blond hair.

"I need to feel your skin under my hands, Martin." she said softly... her hoarse voice "I need your smell and your warmth."

"All right." he agreed rendered helpless by an unstoppable wave of love that had just overwhelmed him.

"Optimal." he added softly and hugged her tightly with both arms.

Eyes still closed, she reached out for his chest, but try as she might, she could only feel the sheet beneath her fingers.

She sat up abruptly and saw him at the foot of the bed tucking at his shirt cuffs.

"Martin!" she protested «What time is it? Where are you going?"

"Don't worry, it's still early. Get some more sleep." he urged her gently.

Louisa immediately pulled the covers back.

"You're going to get your things at the apartment, aren't you?" she snapped getting off the bed.

Martin bent down to pick up her slip off the floor…where it had slipped the night before…and handed it to her with a hint of a smile.

Only then the woman realized that she was scolding him without wearing anything on. She took her garment from his hand and slipped it on, chuckling to herself at her husband's impertinent expression.

"I can do it myself, you don't need to get up."

"I said I'd help you, why are you sneaking off at dawn?"

"Really, it's no use."

"I don't understand this rush." she took her dressing gown and kept muttering as she dressed.

«We have the whole morning at our disposal… I understand that you like to get up early and that you don't know how to sit on your hands, but… the sun hasn't even come out…»

"What if you change your mind?" it escaped him and immediately regretted it.

Louisa jerked her head up, evaluating his words for an instant…he seemed hesitant and scared, but above all it seemed that he really meant it and she couldn't even blame him. In recent weeks, also thanks to Timoney's words, she had reflected a lot on herself and on her behavior. She had understood that her decisions had not always been so lucid and sensible.

"No, Martin. I said I'm going with you…and I'm going with you."

She stared at him with those authoritative and indomitable eyes that…as he well knew by now…didn't admit replies. So he capitulated immediately, deeply contented with every moment he could spend with her.

"All right. Take your time, while I wake up James and I'll make breakfast.'

Louisa nodded and headed for the bathroom. Before entering she turned to warn him with a raised index finger.

"Martin, don't you dare go alone."

"No." his voice was soft and shy.

She looked at him for a moment in the dim morning light…so peaceful and compliant. His features were relaxed and even lingered in a smiling expression. She couldn't help himself. She walked over, stood on tiptoe and with her hand pulled his face closer to hers, as he slipped an arm around her waist. She kissed him hard on his cheek and smiled at him. He looked awkward as he shyly lowered his eyes, but soon she stroked his jawline, smooth and scented with her, and he looked at her with those huge adoring blue eyes.

"I won't be long."

"Yes." he answered her with a polite nod of the head.

In fact, she had prepared quite quickly.

"Hello my darling!" Louisa began as she entered the kitchen and walked over to James. He was sitting in his high chair playing with a wooden spoon. She took his hand and kissed it with smiles and affectionate phrases.

"It is still early. Let's hope it won't be a problem if we take him to Ruth's a little earlier."

"I'm sure not. She has a habit of getting up early."

"Maybe I'll call her a moment before we leave."

Martin turned around, serious and concentrated on his task and with the usual apron over the suit that made her smile.

"Yes."

They sat facing each other.

"Is the texture of the egg to your liking?" he kindly inquired.

"Yes, Martin. It's perfect, thank you."

"Please."

She watched him for a moment, taking advantage of the fact that he was distracted by breakfast. Sitting composed…perfectly shaved and combed…measured in gestures…

Suddenly he rolled his eyes at her and Louisa couldn't help but smile tenderly at him. She said nothing. She got up and walked over to him. She took his head and pressed it to her chest placing her lips on his hair.

Caught by surprise, he didn't move.

"I missed you, Martin." she whispered as she stroked his cheek.

Overwhelmed by the feeling of peace that her closeness gave him, he managed to free his arm to wrap around her waist and hold her in turn to himself.

"I missed you too, Louisa." he said softly "A lot."

She cuddled him for a while.

"Finish eating now. We have work to do." she urged him.

Having arranged the kitchen, she followed him towards the front door. She proceeded briskly as always, pushing James's stroller.

"Martin."

"Yes?"

"I won't change my mind."

He looked at her without hiding the surprise and hope in his eyes.

"And I'll make you a promise." she took his hand between hers.

"I promise you that whatever happens, I will never leave. For no reason."

"No?" he asked shyly.

"No. Never again."

"Well." he commented with a satisfied smile plastered on his face.