Fred whistled lightly as he sanded the metal on the car, getting the surface primed and ready to paint. Nearby, Kelly was 'helping,' that is, to say, she was watching Fred work and providing the loosest definition of moral support possible.
He'd gotten an aftermarket horn he was going to put on his car, but Kelly had popped it out of the box, connected it up to a small little battery, and now whenever he bent over, she touched the wires, upon which the horn would let out an obscene 'AWOOOGA.'
Fred crouched, trying to get at a low part of the car, as Kelly let the horn blare.
Fred huffed, turning around, "Seriously? We've graduated to doing that with crouches now?"
Kelly let out a too-innocent smile, "I'm just keeping you on your toes. And technically, what you just did was a squat."
Fred frowned, shaking his head as he turned back to the door.
"Good for the glutes." She remarked, and Fred coughed, as dust hit him. A moment later, however, a mighty 'bang' rumbled the farmstead, shaking the two around. "What the hell!?"
The door was suddenly kicked open, as Halsey came running in, wearing welding goggles, a leather apron, and clothes that were all ripped up. "Kelly! Fred! Yes, I knew you'd be in here!" She rushed in, breathing heavily.
"Doctor, please, remain calm!" Guilty Spark floated in behind her quickly, as Halsey ran around the toolshed like a chicken with her head cut off.
"Can't do that, need to keep working!" She replied, quickly spinning around. "And to do it I need, I need… OH!" She suddenly shouted, snatching a paint sprayer off the shelf nearby. "Yes, yes, yes, yes, this'll do nicely. Hehehehehe-" Halsey let out a gust of air, jumping and clicking her heels. "I'm going to borrow this!" She held the paint sprayer up, shaking it around haphazardly. "I'm going to be back with it, it might be broken, but I'm gonna be back!" She kicked the door, falling to the ground, before springing back up. "This door has developed a fault!"
"Halsey, what's-" Fred blinked, before Halsey yanked the door open, running back out. "What the Fuck has gotten into her?"
"Come on, it's just up here…" Ralph encouraged, climbing up the ladder attached to the side of the grain silo.
"Seriously, Ralph," Serin grunted, following him up, "Why would you make a picnic on top of the grain silo?"
"Because!" He looked down to her. "It has some of the best views on the whole farmstead! We can get up here, enjoy a nice lunch, not have anyone to worry about bothering… us…" Ralph poked his head over, seeing a very jittery Halsey rummaging through the food.
"Oh, hello Ralph!" Halsey greeted with a smile. "I was just helping myself to this lovely picnic up here, care to join me? It's a bit odd that the picnic fairies visit this part of Reach, but I wasn't complaining! There's a rotisserie chicken in here, I love rotisserie chicken, I bet this would go great on a sandwich, mmm… now I regret eating it all-do you have another?"
Ralph blinked, bewildered more than angry. "Um, Doctor Halsey, that's my picnic."
"Oh, is it!?" Halsey looked down in genuine surprise. "I hadn't realized! Although I should have, seeing as how fairies don't exist, and even if they did I'm sure picnic fairies wouldn't be a thing. Then again, I'm fairly certain Spark is a fairy, sooooooooo~"
"Ralph!" Serin bellowed. "The hell is going on up there!"
"Doctor, please!" Spark hovered up. "I must insist you stop this… this… erratic behavior! It's most out-of-character for yourself!"
"Halsey…" Ralph slowly climbed up, "What's going on?" He gingerly posed the question.
Halsey giggled, excitedly swaying on her feet with her hands behind her back. "I went through Spark's Forerunner data after Jacob left, and there were so many interesting things, and he has so much of it, so, I decided, I'll just increase the efficiency of my studying comprehension!"
"You… what?" Serin inquired, popping her head up, not really understanding.
Halsey pointed at her head with a delirious smile. "The brain's too slow! So I sped it up! I don't even know why we put a ban on things like that because it's so useful, it's like seeing the world in slow motion, there are so many things to think about!"
"Wait," Ralph held up a hand, "You're acting like a squirrel on speed because you increased how fast your brain runs? How did you even do that?"
"Forerunner technology!" Halsey answered with a grin. "It was easy! And no, I'm acting like a squirrel on speed because my brain is going through a lot of nutrients right now! Like, a whole loooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaad. The only thing that lasts a while is coffee! I just had my hundredth one! That, plus neural excitement is liable to make me act unpredictably…" She giggled, twirling around and looking over the edge. "Oohhhhhhhhhhhh," She made a face, looking at the two teenagers, "There's hay down there! How much do you guys wanna bet I can land in it and be just fine!"
"Halsey, no!" Serin rushed in front of her. "You can't do that!"
Halsey innocently tilted her head. "Why not? It's for science…"
Serin spluttered, looking like a fish out of water for the moment. "Because you could be killed!?"
"Oh," Halsey looked away, frowning, "Well that's not very good, is it?" She looked at Serin, bursting out into laughter. "Oh, look at your face, it's so cute when you're trying to be stern!" She took a breath, inhaling. "I think I'm going to take a quick nap now." She said, before falling onto the picnic blanket.
Serin looked at the scientist, scowling. "Emergency meeting." She said to Ralph. "Now."
Cortana hummed, looking over Halsey's research notes, as the doctor herself lay on a couch nearby, resting. "Well… I can say when she fucks up, she fucks up big." She remarked, turning to the other Spartans, trying to keep a light enough mood. "I can see the logs, clear as day… Her slow descent into self-induced rampant psychosis. It's… disturbing. Like I can see her going insane."
"A troubling development, Librarian." Spark solemnly hummed. "I tried to dissuade the Doctor from following through, but she was insistent."
"Is there a way to reverse it?" John asked, worriedly sticking by Halsey's side.
"Oh yes." Spark bobbed. "For this task, I would recommend personality transplant into a new host-body."
The Spartans blinked, staring at him.
"…but seeing as that is beyond the technology here," Spark hummed, "I would simply recommend placing her in the device, and setting it to do a neural processing slowdown by a factor of five. That will return her to pre-enhancement status!"
"Okay…" Cortana frowned, "And where's that device?"
Spark floated over, picking up a kettle helmet with electrical components mounted on with an invisible beam of gravity.
"Jesus…" Ralph huffed, looking at the device. "How in the hell did she not wind up killing herself?"
"I don't know." Cortana shrugged, affixing it to Halsey's head. She turned the dial, standing back as the thing hummed and flashed. "Okay… let's hope this works." She muttered, stepping back.
Minutes passed, the Spartans tense as they watched their shared mother figure laying prone, inert. After a few moments, the helmet shut down by itself.
The Spartans watched with bated breath, before Halsey's eyes slowly fluttered open.
"Oh…" Halsey grunted, shutting her eyes. "God, my head..."
"Doctor Halsey," John addressed, getting close, "Are you all right?"
"My head… feels like I just got done fighting a grudge match with Mike Tyson… NO I'M NOT ALL RIGHT!" She groaned closing her eyes and covering them with her hands.
Fred huffed, gesturing at her refound cantankerousness. "She's fine!"
"Ugh…" Halsey let out. "What are you all doing here?"
"You're always chiding us for being stupid," Cortana pulled up a chair, "So now it's our turn."
"Oh, oh no…" Halsey groaned.
"What were you thinking?" John questioned. "Testing an unproven technology on yourself?"
"That it would be really awesome if it worked out." Halsey sarcastically retorted, unamused at their attempts to scold her. "Look, seriously, I'm fine-" She tried to stand, only to fall again, being caught by John and put back on the couch.
"Instead, you almost got yourself killed." John retorted gravely. "It's not funny."
"Oh, I'm paying for it," Halsey replied, feeling the worst hangover in her life taking hold. "God, this feels worse than that time I got piss drunk before I had to go on stage and perform Pirates of Penzance."
Linda looked between Halsey and Cortana, narrowing her eyes.
"Doctor Halsey," John addressed seriously, "You're our…" He cleared his throat. "You're…"
"He means to say you're our mom," Fred rolled his eyes, "It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is to us. We care, you know?"
"D'awww…" Linda spoke up theatrically.
"Shut up!" Fred barked back.
Halsey's expression softened as the looked at the Spartans in the room. "I… I have to admit, I didn't expect that when taking on this assignment… But… I suppose, I care about you all too." She admitted tearfully.
John nodded. "So, what did we learn?"
Halsey sighed. "Not to test dangerous experiments on myself."
"Good answer." John satisfactorily replied.
Halsey leaned back, relaxing, before she frowned. "I didn't eat a whole rotisserie chicken… did I?"
Ralph nodded once, with a shrug.
"…I think I'm going to be sick."