The dragon touched down on the garden softly, and Sokka dismounted right away to help Azula off the creature's back, as her dress wasn't quite as easy to move in as her usual clothes were. Xin Long groaned happily and dropped flatly on the ground after the Princess and her gladiator had removed his saddle, allowing him to roll on the grass to his heart's content. Song's voice drifted through the night towards them just as they were about to head into the house:
"Sokka? Is that you? I thought you'd be at the Ball at least for…" she was saying, carrying a small lantern with her as she glanced out at the garden. She fell silent immediately when she understood just why she hadn't heard Sokka coming through the door, as she had expected it. "P-Princess?"
"Good evening, Song," Azula said, nodding in her direction. She had forgotten about the girl when she had made her request to Sokka…
"Hey, sorry for surprising you like this," said Sokka, smiling clumsily at Song. "And sorry, I didn't get around bringing the food you asked for…"
"Never mind that. W-why are you here, though?" Song asked, confused. "It's not that late yet, a-and the Princess…?"
"It's, uh, complicated," said Sokka, gulping. "Azula will be staying with us tonight."
"She… she what?" Song said, her eyes widening.
"Is it a problem…?" Azula asked, raising her eyebrows.
"N-no, but it's a little sudden," said Song, gulping. "And I mean, you're in that fancy getup and all…"
"You can lend her some of your clothes, right? You did it last time…" Sokka asked, as he and Azula climbed the steps up to the house's veranda.
"I guess so," said Song, nodding as Sokka patted Azula's back.
"You could go take a bath if you want, maybe," he suggested. "It might help you to get rid of all those funky dragons you've got in your hair…"
Azula raised an eyebrow but she nodded.
"It's not a bad idea," she conceded. "I could use cleaning up. Don't you dare peek, though."
"Oh, come on, what sort of guy do you take me for?!" Sokka exclaimed, blushing and pouting. Azula raised her eyebrows.
"You don't want me to answer that question, I'm sure," she said, smirking as Song chuckled a little.
"I'll fetch you some clothes and a towel, then," she said, smiling at Azula, who nodded gratefully.
"Thanks for your hospitality, on such short notice," she said, and Song shook her head.
"It's nothing, Princess. We're here to serve you, after all," she said, grinning as she rushed inside to fetch the items she had mentioned.
Azula went to the bathroom in the backyard, and Sokka headed upstairs to change out of his dress robes and into more comfortable garb, comprised by a plain white shirt and a simple pair of pants. He returned downstairs to find Song in the living room: she had already delivered a change of clothes and a towel to Azula, and she was quite eager for some answers right now.
"What's going on, Sokka?" she asked, and he dropped his hands on either side of his body in a gesture of cluelessness.
"I wish I knew," he said, before folding his arms before his chest. "Things were about as boring as could be for quite a few hours, but then she ran into this guy, some Admiral, and she got really tense over that. And then her father declared her the Crown Princess…"
"Wait, what?" Song said, her eyes snapping wide again. "C-Crown…?"
"You heard me," said Sokka, gulping. "I'd have thought it was a good thing for her, but that only seemed to stress her more. She left the Ballroom after that, I found her at Xin Long's place, we talked a little and the next thing I knew she was asking if she could stay over with us tonight."
"Wow," said Song, grimacing. "I… I don't get it. Not one bit."
"Well, join the club," said Sokka, sighing. "I've got no idea what's bothering her so much. I wish I could help her somehow, but…"
"Maybe you can help by talking with her a bit?" said Song, shrugging. "At least, it might ease her mind…"
"No idea," Sokka sighed. "She might not be in the mood to share her problems right now."
"Well, if she's not then just don't force her to do it," said Song, with a small smile. "But try to be helpful somehow. She'll need your support in whichever way you can give it. In any case… it's getting a bit late and I was about to go to bed, so good luck with this. And, for all you hold dear, Sokka, don't do anything stupid. She might be vulnerable, but that doesn't mean you should just sweep in and…"
"Oh, come on," said Sokka, looking at her skeptically. "I don't think with my penis, mind-blowing as it might be for you to hear that."
"Hey, I'm only warning you," said Song, raising her hands defensively. "I know well enough how you feel about her. Don't do anything that might only make her unhappier in the end, okay?"
"Of course," said Sokka, scowling at Song as she smiled a little as she took to the stairs, making her way to her room.
Meanwhile, Azula lounged in the tub within the small bathroom hut, her head resting against its border, her eyes closed. One of the many perks of being a firebender was having the ability to heat water at will, so she was free to soak in warm water, relaxing for as long as she needed it, with no risk of it growing any colder. And she sure needed to relax…
The bathroom wasn't at all of the quality she was used to, born and raised in a life of luxury as she had been. But the simplicity of the place, compared to her personal bathroom, wasn't enough to distract her from her troubles entirely. She reached out towards a small table next to the tub, where she had left her dress and accessories. Her fingers wrapped around a small metallic object and she clasped it, staring at it through heavy-lidded eyes once she reeled her arm back into the tub.
Her current hairpiece was the type worn by all princes in the nation, regardless of age or gender. Crown Princes were supposed to have a custom hairpiece, but Azula doubted she'd have to forsake the hairpiece that she had worn since she was a child. The Crown Prince's hairpiece had been lost for a long time…
She sighed and sank in the water, using her free hand to firebend into the liquid to warm it more. She would face this matter head-on by tomorrow, with her chin high, ready for whatever consequences might come from her father's hasty appointment of her as his heir. She would deal with Zuko somehow, and with her uncle as well…
The thoughts did little to tranquilize her, but she was free from her burdens for what was left of the night, at least. There would be no need to feel pressures to fulfill her father's expectations, no need to remain distrustful of Zhao, no need to face her brother. She knew she would be able to handle it all later, even though she wasn't especially enthusiastic about the idea right now. All she needed was to calm down… and spending time with Sokka might prove to be the best way to do that tonight.
Even so, the gap between them had only grown larger after this. It was already bad enough for a princess to be involved with a slave, but a Crown Princess? She would be the stain in the Fire Nation's dynasties for generations on end, and that definitely wasn't the way she wanted to be remembered by future generations. She wanted to bring glory to her nation and her family… but the one thing that brought genuine joy to her life would only lead her to accomplish the entire opposite of that.
She climbed out of the tub, emptying it and drying herself off while wondering just when her life had become such a string of contradictions and ironies tied one behind the other. She had the suspicion it had begun since her childhood, though. For once, blaming Sokka for it would be more than a bit unfair…
She clad herself in the clothes Song had brought her, a simple light blue robe with a violet sash. Still drying her hair with her towel, she left the bathroom in hopes to find something to brush her hair with, but the first thing she found was Sokka, standing at the veranda. His careful hairdo was gone by now, though he hadn't tied up his hair yet, Azula noticed. All intentions to relax vanished upon seeing him like this. Unsurprisingly, his messy appearance was even more appealing than his elegant outfit from earlier.
"Done with the bath?" Sokka asked her, as she stopped before him. "Are you feeling any better?"
"Getting there, I guess," Azula said, sliding her fingers through her damp hair. "I could use something to comb my hair, though. It will become a mess if I don't do it…"
"Oh, wait here," said Sokka, grinning before darting inside the house once more.
He found Azula sitting at the veranda when he returned with a hairbrush, watching Xin Long as he rested in the garden, the damp towel on her lap. Fireworks were going off in the city, their blasts loud enough to be heard from where they were, but it was impossible to see them from the house's backyard.
"Here," said Sokka, sitting beside her and handing her the brush. "I hope you don't mind it's not a comb…"
"It'll have to do," Azula said, taking it and sliding it over her hair with some difficulty.
"I hope the bath was good," Sokka said, gulping and looking at her worriedly. "I suppose it wasn't as great as a royal bath, but still…"
"It was enough," replied Azula. "I had needed to get out of that dress, truth be told. I have to say, though, I'm surprised by all the hair product you have in there. I didn't think Song was that meticulous with her hair… but I can understand it anyways. Dealing with hair can be…"
Azula fell quiet when she noticed Sokka blushing, and she lowered the brush to look at him skeptically before smiling.
"They're not Song's," she said, and he grimaced bashfully. "All that hair product is yours, isn't it?"
"N-not all of it! B-but… most of it, I guess," he admitted, gulping, as Azula chuckled. "Hey! There's nothing wrong with a man being thorough with his hair!"
"I genuinely thought you just had good hair, but I guess even yours needs to be taken care of," said Azula, still smiling.
"Well, it's never been bad," Sokka muttered, sliding his hand through the soft strands. "But it helps to have proper products to… w-why are we talking about this?!"
"You were asking about how the bath was, weren't you?" Azula asked, raising her eyebrows, and Sokka gritted his teeth. "You brought it on yourself, Sokka…"
"I did not," he said, scowling as she returned to brushing her hair. He raised an eyebrow as she struggled with a certain knot, pulling her hair a little more violently than she should have. "Do you want help with that?"
"I'm not so helpless that I can't even brush my hair," Azula grunted, and Sokka raised an eyebrow.
"I'm sure 'helpless' is the last thing anyone would label you as, Princess," he said, smirking. "Come on, I can take care of that knot myself. It'll be a lot easier…"
Despite her complaints, soon Azula found herself in Sokka's power as he took the brush from her. She sighed, trying not to enjoy the way his fingers slid through her dark locks, his hands grazing the nape of her neck and her back as he undid the small tangles in her hair. His motions were so gentle she had to force herself not to relax and drop against him, despite the urge to do so was nearly overpowering.
"So…" Sokka said, and Azula was rather relieved he would start a conversation. Focusing on something else might keep her from making a fool of herself right now. "Can I ask what this was all about? Or is it a bad idea to talk about it? I mean, I'm more than happy to have you here, but…"
"But you're curious and confused," Azula said, and Sokka smiled a little.
"It just seems somewhat puzzling. I don't understand what's wrong… not entirely, at least," said Sokka. "I figure you didn't expect that announcement, but even then… I figured you'd be happier about it. Unless you're just worried about Zuko, which I'd understand, but…"
"It's not just Zuko," Azula sighed, rubbing her forehead. "It's my uncle, and whoever might believe my father's appointment of me as Crown Princess is an unfairness. I have proved myself enough times in the eyes of some, but in the eyes of others nothing I do will ever make me worthier of the throne than my brother… merely because he was born first, and because he's a man. The title of Fire Lord always goes to men, after all…"
"I remember you told me that," said Sokka, frowning.
"Every other Crown Princess in history has been relegated to the position of Fire Lady," Azula muttered. "While their not-royal husbands became Fire Lords. And… and that will be my fate, unless my father dropped dead randomly soon, but that's not something I want either way."
"So… you don't want to be Crown Princess because of that? Will he be more forceful about you taking a husband by now?" Sokka asked.
"I have no way of knowing if he will be. It's true that I've dodged it long enough," said Azula. "But my father should still honor our agreement regarding using gladiator fights to determine who I'll marry. The line of suitors is sure to become more crowded by now, but if any of them truly hopes to take me for his wife…"
"They'll have to go through me," said Sokka, pursing his lips. "And I'm not letting anyone take you just like that…"
"Good to know," said Azula, smiling a little. "If anything, you've proven you can be counted on when it comes to beating my suitors' gladiators."
"Heh, yep. I've got your back," he said, smiling at her.
"And my hair too, seems like," said Azula, turning to look at him. "You do realize you've brushed it all over like five times by now?"
"It's hard to help it," he said, chuckling. "Your hair is more fun than mine…"
"Well, I'm glad it entertains you, but it'll fall off if you keep brushing it all night," she said, raising her eyebrows, and Sokka chuckled.
"Okay, okay, I'll leave it be," he said, setting the brush aside and shifting in his sitting position so he could be right next to her. Azula watched him with a smile, but it soon disappeared when he returned to the previous subject.
"Still, is that all there is to it? Suitors?" Sokka asked, and she shook her head.
"No, not really," she said. "As much as this was sudden for you, and for everyone else, my father had already told me of his intentions to declare me Crown Princess. I'd asked him not to do it, mostly because I'd hoped to deal with Zuko and Iroh beforehand. But despite my request, he just… well, he did as he pleased. Which should come as no surprise, he's Fire Lord, but still… I thought he understood my reasons. I don't want this matter to evolve into a civil war, because in the worst-case scenario, that's what might happen. I merely wanted to try to smooth the terrains before he pushed me downhill, but it's too late for that now. I'll have to deal with the consequences one way or another…"
"You don't really think it will escalate into a civil war, though, do you?" Sokka asked, frowning. "I mean…"
"There's no way of knowing it," said Azula. "It could result in an Agni Kai between me and Zuko, I suppose, if he decides to defy my Father's decision, but that doesn't mean it will be over with just that."
"You think your people would refuse to accept a female Fire Lord?" muttered Sokka. "Merely over the fact that you're a woman?"
"Well, it wouldn't be the first time someone looks down on me for that sole reason," Azula said, shrugging and pulling her knees up, surrounding them with her arms. Sokka bit his lip and lowered his eyes, a pang of guilt making is stomach sink.
"I'm sorry about that. I… I've learned to see things differently, though. You've taught me lots of things, amongst them to never underestimate a woman, so…"
"That's good to know, but I actually wasn't talking about you," Azula said, raising her eyebrows, and Sokka froze.
"No? Then…?" he said, confused, and Azula sighed. The memory of an old conversation between them returned to Sokka's mind then, and he frowned. "Wait. You've talked to me about this, haven't you? About your advisors, and how they believed you should be pretty much an ornament… And was it a Captain? A guy you had an argument with?"
Azula smiled curtly and nodded. Sokka had no trouble telling the smile wasn't earnest.
"You had asked about who I was talking to at the Ball, right?" said Azula. "Well, as it turns out, Admiral Zhao was only a Captain several years ago … and he's the very man with whom I had that argument."
"W-wha-…?" Sokka blinked blankly, astounded. He would have expected to hear that whoever had been disrespectful to Azula had paid the price for it. Knowing that he in fact had gained further honors and glory after the fact made him uneasy…
"You see, Admiral Zhao and my father have been close since their teenage years, from what I understand," explained Azula. "To make it simple, they've been best friends for a long time. So, while growing up, Admiral Zhao was almost as some sort of surrogate uncle for me. Only for me, though, he always treated Zuko in the same way my father did… by which I mean, with distance and disdain. Whereas he also treated me like my father did, by encouraging me to reach my full potential and whatnot. I admit I found it quite flattering when I was younger, that he would take interest in me and not in Zuko. I even looked up to him… he was said to be an extraordinary firebender, so I dreamt of being just as extraordinary as he was. I admired him, not as much as I did my father, but I still admired him all the same. You could even say that I…"
"That you what?" Sokka asked, frowning a little as Azula laughed softly and shook her head.
"Well, he humored me once by acting as my alleged suitor while I played at being Fire Lord. It was, again, truly flattering…"
"S-so you're saying you… y-you didn't like the guy, did you? He's… old," said Sokka, grimacing and looking at Azula accusingly as she laughed. "Come on, woman! Look at those sideburns, they're so thick you could clean ostrich horse's hooves with them!"
Azula's soft laughter increased in volume and magnitude now as Sokka looked at her, scandalized.
"Seriously, what's with your taste in men?" he said, shaking his head as she continued to laugh. "And since you were a kid? Really, Azula, here I'd thought you were a Princess with standards…"
"Shut up, you're the one who's lowered my standards beyond reason," Azula said, looking at him with raised eyebrows and still some amusement.
"You know, I'd believe you on that if you hadn't told me you had a childhood crush on Admiral Sideburns," said Sokka, and Azula shook her head and laughed more at the nickname. "Seriously, are all nobles from the Fire Nation so bad-looking that this was the best you thought you could do?"
"I didn't really care about his looks, mind you," said Azula, finally calming down. "And besides, it's not like I was hoping to actually get involved with him. I was a child, I had foolish fantasies just like any other child might. And seeing how I knew no boys my age back then, Zhao was the only idea I had of what men outside my family were like. So…"
"It's still disturbing," said Sokka, shaking his head, and Azula smiled, but the expression soured on her face soon.
"I suppose I soon found it disturbing too, though not quite because of how much older than me he was, or his sideburns," she muttered. "But rather, because I realized how wrong I was about him. He really wasn't as wonderful as he seemed, and you already have a pretty good idea as to why."
"I remember you said you argued with the guy," said Sokka, frowning. "And that he would conceal underhanded insults through charm and whatnot. Right?"
"Exactly," said Azula, sighing. "It happened after a war meeting I'd attended, one of the first ones I had been allowed to join. I'd given my input in the discussion, and my father had sided with me, while Zhao disagreed with us. He was firm in his belief that taking down the Northern Water Tribe should be the priority, and that using Sozin's Comet for our benefit in that battle would have been the wisest course of action. I disagreed, for the poles aren't favorable environments for firebenders, while the Earth Kingdom offered lands and resources that we could exploit and benefit from. Granted, either thing will sound awful to you, but at the time…"
"Heh, from a strategic standpoint, you made the right argument there," said Sokka, with a defeated sigh. "So what was his problem, then? He didn't like being wrong, is it?"
"Clearly, he didn't, but it didn't bother him all that much, apparently," said Azula, sighing. "When I was leaving the throne room I figured he might have insisted on taking down the North Pole for a reason, so I turned back, meaning to ask him if he had any knowledge of resources in the North Pole that could benefit our nation, perhaps. My father was already gone by then, and only a few other officials were still in the Throne Room with Zhao. I hadn't pushed through the drapes yet when I heard them laughing… they were teasing Zhao over how a thirteen-year-old girl had proved smarter than him, but strangely enough, he laughed also. It confused me that he'd find their insults amusing… but as they continued to talk I realized that he didn't find the entire matter insulting altogether, because as they had said it themselves, I was but a girl. I vividly remember a comment about how I ought to be playing with dolls rather than discussing war with grown men. There was this off-handed insinuation that I was letting my childhood go to waste by getting involved with politics and warfare… after that, I'd heard enough. So, I stormed off, unable to understand it. I was sure Zhao was my ally and that, like my father, he hoped to see me triumph. I realized then that this wasn't the case, though: he saw me as a child, a little girl for whom there was no room in the game they were playing…"
"Well, he was damn wrong about you, if he really thought that. He must have realized it later, didn't he?" Sokka asked. Azula snorted.
"I doubt that," said Azula, shrugging. "I spoke to him afterwards, caught him in a hallway, and that was when he hid behind his charming attitude, attempting to disarm me and to make me relax by claiming that he had only said such things to humor the others. Apparently, he knew they looked down on me for being a woman, but of course he would never act that way towards me. All the while he was smiling at me… and for the first time I realized just what the meaning behind that grin was."
Azula sighed and stretched back, glaring at the sky as though it were to blame for her sorrows. Sokka gritted his teeth as Azula continued.
"Condescendence is the best word to describe it," she said. "All he was spouting in that moment were lies. And surely every damn thing he had ever told me beforehand had been lies also, but I just hadn't been sharp enough to read him properly. I think that was the first time in my life that I felt betrayed. For him, of all people, to look down on me… it was a blow I sure didn't expect. And then I told my old advisors about it, and you know just how well that went…"
"Yep," said Sokka, grimacing, and Azula sighed.
"You see… the thought that kept crossing my mind was that Zuko had been subjected to the utmost humiliation after his untimely intervention in a war meeting," she said. "He was burned, banished… it was a scandal that will follow him to the grave, for certain. People were horrified by it, others thought it was the fitting punishment for his mistakes… but I thought, what if I'd been the one to do it? What if I intervened in a war meeting out of turn?"
"You didn't test that out, did you?" Sokka asked, warily, and Azula looked at him with sincerity.
"I did," she said, and his eyes widened. "And guess what? Nothing happened. Nothing, whatsoever. I even interrupted Bujing purposefully, and all my father did was chuckle about my comment. Nobody seemed surprised by it, nobody was scandalized. It simply didn't matter. And it didn't because the rest of them thought in the very same way Zhao does: they all believed I didn't belong there. I'm willing to say my father is different, for he clearly does take me seriously, or else he wouldn't have tasked me with the important missions he has given me… and I do know he favors me over Zuko, so it wasn't quite surprising that he wouldn't enforce the same punishment on me for the same crime Zuko committed. But it was the rest of their reactions that I wanted to weigh for myself… and the result wasn't surprising in the slightest. Disheartening, for certain, but not surprising."
"Well, I know it's the last thing you want to hear, but I'm glad you weren't forced to fight against your father," said Sokka, grimacing. "If he burned Zuko like that…"
"Zuko got burned that way because he didn't fight back at all," said Azula, looking at Sokka matter-of-factly. "I don't mean to brag, but I don't think my father would have burned me as he did Zuko. I was practically a firebending master at the time already. I hadn't mastered lightning yet, but I understood its workings well enough. Even if my father had attempted to attack me with it, I would have known to strike him before… wait, why am I imagining myself fighting an Agni Kai with my father, again?"
"No reason," said Sokka, smiling a little. "I'm glad you wouldn't end up in such bad shape if you had to fight him, then. Still… isn't it almost a good thing to be looked down upon, when you put it this way? You can get away with things that would be unforgivable for others…"
"Not from where I'm standing, it isn't," said Azula. "I'd fight Agni Kais against every member of my father's council if that would guarantee that they will take me seriously, but that's not going to happen. No prince in history has ever had to accomplish any of what I have in order to gain my title as Crown Princess. It took me a dragon, five captured criminals, a thwarted attack against the Fire Nation, a dismantled conspiracy and a ceremony with three different types of fire for them to respect me for what I'm worth, no less. Meanwhile, all Zuko needed to deserve being considered Crown Prince was being my father's firstborn son."
"It is unfair," said Sokka, sighing. "Yet you've succeeded by now, haven't you? Even if you might have to deal with a few loose ends, you're Crown Princess now…"
"No, I haven't succeeded yet," she said, shaking her head. "It's not going to make a damn difference unless my father dies before I take a husband. And since that's just not going to happen, nobody expects me to become Fire Lord either way. Just now, when I left the Ballroom, Zhao was telling me he thought he ought to have a dance with me tonight, for by next year I might have taken a husband already…"
"Ugh… he said that? Really?" Sokka asked, grimacing. "You know, I wasn't too fond of the guy at all, but I'd figured I'd give him the benefit of the doubt… up until this conversation happened."
"Granted he's a good admiral," Azula said. "And he's proven effective except for the Siege of the North, but I just can't stop feeling the way I do towards him. I just want to make him regret his every word of mockery towards me. I want him to feel ashamed of how he's acted, to shiver in fear at my feet as I stand above him…"
"Is that the fate you reserve for all your enemies?" Sokka asked, with a smile. Azula smirked.
"For those who don't respect me, it is," she said. "And in fact, I hoped to get to that point, if only figuratively. Everything has been laid down so that one day he'll have no choice but to acknowledge me…"
"Really?" Sokka asked, raising an eyebrow. "How?"
"There's actually one thing I haven't told you about Zhao yet," she said, somewhat hesitantly. "You see… he happens to be Combustion Man's sponsor."
Sokka's jaw dropped and he stared at Azula in utter disbelief as she smiled weakly. He frowned now, lifting a finger as he remembered when he had heard Zhao's name being mentioned.
"You'd said so before, at your birthday, I think," he said. "T-that this guy was his sponsor. I'd forgotten all about that…"
"I can't blame you for forgetting, it mustn't have seemed important at the time," Azula said. "Zhao has had Zhen, one of his closest underlings, sponsoring Combustion Man while he was gone… it's curious, though, that Zhen probably has sponsored Combustion Man for longer than Zhao has, seeing how Zhao was up north for at least six years…"
"But he's… damn," said Sokka, his hand going to his forehead before he looked at Azula with a frown again, but this time of realization. "So, he's Combustion Man's sponsor, you said. That means he's been sponsoring the top fighter of the League…"
"Indeed," said Azula, nodding and sighing. "Combustion Man has been at the top of the ranking ever since the Superior Gladiator League was inaugurated."
"No surprises there, if he's as ruthless as I've heard," said Sokka. "But say, if he's the top fighter…"
"You just might have recalled our second encounter… when you asked what my purpose was by having you as my gladiator. I mentioned I had two goals, one of them for you to beat Chan's fighter and…"
"And the second was to become the top gladiator of the Superior League," said Sokka, his eyes widening. "Y-you did it because of this? All along, this was why?"
"I guess you'd have expected to hear I had a more noble intention than this," Azula said, with a sad smile. "But I'm not that good a person, I'm afraid. For all this time, I've wanted you to defeat Combustion Man so I could look Zhao in the eye and dare him to undermine me one more time."
Sokka blinked a few times, the information taking some time to register in his head. It wasn't that Azula's motivations were unexpected… but rather, the realization that he hadn't questioned said motivations since ages ago. He had pushed aside all his doubts, following Azula as good as blindly simply because it felt right. Her goal had become his goal, whether or not he understood why she had been pursuing it. He simply wanted to help her accomplish everything she dreamt of, no matter what that might be…
"I know it must sound ridiculous," said Azula, sighing. "It's why I never told you. You had been through many hardships I could barely imagine, and talking your ear off about my bubble of royal pains wasn't going to sit well with you…"
"Uh, well, I did say that, but…" said Sokka, and Azula laughed.
"Don't try to sugarcoat it. You were right anyways," she said, and he looked at her in surprise. "Maybe it's because of everything I've achieved recently, or because of how much things have changed ever since you came along… but I guess I've gained a different perspective about the world by now. Those used to be my only problems before… the first thing I wanted to change as soon as I took the throne was the way women are treated in this society. And yes, that must change, but… but clearly, my problems aren't the only ones that need to be resolved. There are other urgent matters that I should tend to as soon as possible… and it will be up to me to do it. Whether by using my theoretical, forced, future husband as a puppet, or by my own hand, there are far too many things I must tend to, and I'll have a better chance at doing so as Crown Princess."
"Well, let's hope you can do it yourself somehow," said Sokka, biting his lower lip. "Still, I don't think it's such a petty problem. I guess I would have if you'd told me about it while I was still fresh out of Hui Yi, but after what you've explained…"
"You don't think it's that foolish? Really?" Azula asked, raising her eyebrows, and Sokka smiled.
"Of course not. The truth came as a bit of a surprise now, but I guess I hadn't cared about it for a long time," he admitted, with a soft laugh. "Honestly, I… I guess I've been enjoying our run together far too much to question your motives anymore. Spending time with you has become its own reward, so becoming the top gladiator… it sounds good, but it's not the only thing on my mind."
"It's… not?" Azula asked him, surprised. "Sokka…"
"I know, I know. We struck a deal," he said, smiling. "But hey, even if I defeated the Millennium Dragon, that doesn't mean I'm up for defeating Combustion Man yet. So, you'll have to put up with me for a little while longer, like it or not, Princess."
"I had thought the one who wouldn't like it so much would be you," Azula said, raising her eyebrows but smiling. Sokka chuckled.
He had definitely surprised her just now. She was aware of his feelings for her, especially since she reciprocated them whole-heartedly by now… but she hadn't expected him to say he was enjoying their time together so much that returning to his Tribe wasn't at the forefront of his thoughts anymore. His love for his people was something with which she hadn't interfered, ever. She had learned to accept it and respect it. But to think that the extent of his love for her was such that he would forget about his imminent return home…
"I don't know what's there not to like at this point, honestly. You've made my days in the Fire Nation far more fun than I expected them to be," he said, grinning at her, before frowning. "Though I guess there's actually one thing I don't like about this place."
"Oh?" Azula looked at him with hesitation, unsure as to why his last comment would make her nervous.
"You…" he said, looking at her with disbelief. "You Fire Nation folk don't have a damn clue of what dancing is supposed to be like, do you?"
All of Azula's expectations towards whatever he was going to say disappeared in thin air, and now she was left to stare back at him, baffled.
"What… what the heck?" she said. "That's what you don't like about living here? The way we dance?"
"No, no, as it happens, the thing is that you guys just don't dance," said Sokka, lifting a finger again. "That weird thing going on in that Ball simply wasn't dancing, no matter how you may look at it. It was practically like watching a pair of overdramatic vultures making ridiculous gestures and looming over someone who was about to drop dead. Just, no. That's absolutely wrong!"
"I'll have you know, that's a traditional Fire Nation dance that has been performed for centuries, if not millennia," Azula said, glaring at Sokka, who pouted.
"Then that's how long you people haven't had a damn clue of how to dance," he stated, and Azula actually laughed.
"Oh, because your Tribe has such remarkable dancing traditions, I'm sure!" she said sarcastically, and Sokka looked at her, affronted.
"Of course it does! You would be shocked to hear…!"
"To hear all about how you guys dance around fire pits, screaming and jumping like hyena-apes with fleas while someone strikes some drums without any understanding of how to keep a beat?" Azula asked, raising her eyebrows. Sokka blushed.
"W-we don't scream! A-and the guy with the drums can keep a beat alright!" he squealed, as Azula smirked. "And how the hell do you know what we do for dances?!"
"You see, after bonding with Xin Long I've gained the ability to look into people's memories at will, so I did that with you just now and…"
"Oh, pfft, like I'm going to swallow that! Come on!" Sokka exclaimed, flustered as Azula laughed.
"You know, there are certain magical objects out there," she said, sarcastically. "They impart wisdom to all those who seek them… you might have heard of them, actually. They're called 'books', you see…"
"Heh? You Fire Nation people have books on Water Tribe traditions?" Sokka asked, deliberately ignoring her derisive tone.
"Well, obviously. Our education is very complete after all," Azula said, proudly. "Our history books always include stories on archaic civilizations, and naturally, the Southern Water Tribe is the best example for that…"
"Oh, shush!" Sokka exclaimed, as Azula laughed again. "It's not that bad. You know what? When you take me down there I'll show you, and you'll see the fire pits' dances aren't that bad."
"You'll show me? Are you serious?" Azula asked, raising her eyebrows in amusement. "Sokka, if I dare put a single toe within reach of your fellow tribesmen they'd try to hack my head off for showing my face around them…"
"Come on, like I'd let them do that," said Sokka. "Besides, what's that? Are you scared of a bunch of savages, Princess?"
"Heh, who'd imagine the day would come when you'd acknowledge you're a savage …" Azula pointed out, smirking as Sokka grimaced and hung his head in defeat.
"M-my bad," he muttered, before lifting his head again and shaking it promptly. "Well, whatever, you're going to dance Water Tribe dances one day. That's final."
"Fine, then. You should dance Fire Nation dances first, though," said Azula, shrugging innocently. "Seeing how you're all about cultural exchange all of sudden…"
"You know, I actually had hoped to get away with dancing with you," he said, and Azula had to hold back from snorting in disbelief.
"You're joking. You couldn't have expected, realistically, that we would be able to dance, could you?" she asked, and Sokka shrugged.
"Zuko got to dance with Suki for a while," he said. "But still, I didn't want to do that vulture dance. I expected your dances to be a little more fun than that."
"Well, sorry for not fulfilling your expectations on that front," said Azula. "But we didn't create our traditions to cater to some Water Tribesman's wishes, now, did we?"
"No… but I guess we could create our own dances, whether we abide by traditions or not," he said, smirking at her. Azula's eyes widened warily.
"Say what?"
"Come on!" Sokka said, standing up with a broad grin on his face. "It's time to be innovative and come up with an improvement to your vulture dance by adding some Water Tribe spice to it!"
"What in the name of…?" Azula asked, as Sokka offered her his hand. "No! I'm not going to…!"
"Come on, Azula! It's experimental dancing!" he exclaimed, as Azula looked at him in disbelief. "Seriously, it'll be fun!"
"I don't think so," she said, her eyes wide, and Sokka pouted.
"Oh, so you're just afraid I'll come up with such an improved version of that vulture dance that you'll have to eat all your words, aren't you?"
"In fact, I'm afraid you'll make a fool of yourself and I certainly don't want to be a part of that," Azula stated earnestly, with a malicious grin. Sokka's pout intensified as he reached down and grabbed her by the arm, pulling her up. "Sokka! Quit being annoying!"
"Like I could possibly do that," he said, once she was on her feet. "You know it's ingrained in my very nature, Princess."
Azula glared at him as he grinned foolishly and walked into the house, stopping at the center of the living room. He pushed the small table towards the couch so that there would be enough room for them to move freely. Azula watched in disbelief, stepping forward even as she kept telling herself she wasn't about to join him in this. No, not a chance in hell…
"Alright!" Sokka exclaimed, turning to her with a broad grin. "Let's get this going!"
"Aren't we missing the pile of wood I'll be setting on fire?" Azula asked, with a sardonic grin. Sokka's own smile turned upside down at that. "Seeing how that's the sort of dancing you're used to…"
"We'll have to make do without that for now," he said, shrugging. "Now come here and let's start with this!"
"I don't want to" Azula said curtly, and Sokka pouted, approaching her and clasping her hands in his, careful so her palms and fingers wouldn't graze his bandaged wounds. "What are you…?"
"If you're not going to join me willingly, then I'll have to make you dance somehow!" he exclaimed, grinning as he started to bounce circularly around her, still holding her hands. Azula stared at him with utter disbelief as he made her spin in circles. "Come on, woman, join in!"
"What the blazes is wrong with you, for crying out loud?" she asked, shaking her head at him as he stopped skipping and instead began to swing their arms randomly.
"You know, this would be a lot more fun if you would put your heart into it," he said, chuckling as he pulled one of her hands towards him while moving the other one away. He alternated the hands, his trademark goofy grin on his face making it so she couldn't help but laugh along with him as they, by his standards, danced.
"You're out of your mind!" she exclaimed, between laughs, as he started to jump around her again, now having released her hands.
"Come on, Azula! If you can do the vulture dance, you can do this too!" he exclaimed, as she was overtaken by the laughter.
Again he clasped her hands, but to his surprise, she actually started to move along with him as he skipped. He grinned broadly, their fingers intertwining as Azula continued to laugh. He wasn't sure if he could see tears blinking in her eyes, even. This surely was the first time he had ever made her laugh this hard…
Still, he had to halt his circular jumping once he started to feel a little sickly. He chuckled as he pulled her close and pushed her away gently repeatedly, the two of them still holding hands.
"See, this is so much more fun than the vulture dance, isn't it?" he asked, laughing as well.
Azula let go of his hands when he pulled her close next, which resulted in her falling straight into his arms. She buried her face in his shoulder, her body shaking with every soft chuckle that left her body. Sokka continued to laugh with her, his arms going around her body as he swayed from side to side, shifting his weight between his legs.
By the time Azula relaxed in his arms he was grinning like a fool and he was painfully aware of it. His head rested atop of hers, holding her close.
"Is this part of your experimental dancing too?" she asked, and Sokka shrugged.
"If you want it to be," he said, lifting his head to look at her directly.
Her golden eyes gleamed in the most alluring way after she laughed, he knew that by heart already. The smile that still danced on her lips seemed to disappear as she looked at him intensely, finding his gaze as appealing as he did hers.
His soft swaying slowed to a halt, one of his hands resting on the small of her back, keeping her close, while the other rose to her face. Azula's eyes were narrow now as she inched closer, her hands on his chest.
Their noses brushed together, and Sokka was more than ready to lean down, to cut close the distance between them through a kiss…
… But a barrage of thoughts came to Azula's mind just then, thoughts to warn her of everything that could go wrong if she gave into her desires now. For there would be no stopping it tonight… not since what had happened on the ship, anyways. The explosive pleasure she had achieved, the delight of belonging to him for just an instant… it would be wonderful, no doubt, but that delight would disappear without a trace once everything fell apart. For it would fall apart, one way or another. If anything went wrong between them it would be a far worse blow than losing her respect for Admiral Zhao. For she had only admired the man… whereas she loved Sokka. And things could very well go wrong. They almost had once before, and repairing them had seemed an impossible feat at the time. She didn't think they could amend their relationship if it were to shatter ever again.
And even if it worked out somehow, if their relationship only became better and smoother than ever, it could all be gone with the speed of lightning touching down on the ground. For if she was to be Crown Princess from now on, Sokka's crime of involving himself with her would only become worse than it already had been, and the consequences he would face for this would no doubt be fatal…
The power of those thoughts made her do the unthinkable. Despite she ached to join him in a kiss, and whatever might follow, she recoiled. His lips moved forward but caught nothing where they should have found hers. He opened his eyes to notice she was breathing heavily, her face betraying she was genuinely consternated.
It wasn't hard for Sokka to figure out why she had rejected him wordlessly. It was rather painful, though, to find her gazing at him apologetically, as though afraid that by keeping her distance she might have insulted him… Sokka smiled reassuringly towards her and nodded, letting go of her.
"Sokka…" she said, her chest aching terribly all of sudden. Oh, just what had she done…?
"You must be tired," he said, with a grin, rubbing her arms softly with his bandaged hands. "I know I would be, after such a long and annoying day, heh?"
"Sokka, I…" she said, stepping forward, and he surrounded her with his arms again, to her momentary relief as he embraced her.
"Don't worry," he said, closing his eyes once more. "It's fine. We'll be fine."
She doubted he was being truthful, though. Whether they went through with this or not, the only certainty she had was that they wouldn't be fine. Acting upon their urges could be disastrous, but not acting at all seemed to be about to destroy her on the inside anyways. And given his reaction, her rejection had hurt him as badly as it had hurt her. His pretense that it hadn't wasn't convincing in the slightest for Azula.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, and he grinned.
"Hey, now, isn't that my line?" he asked, releasing her from his grip and caressing her hair gently. "There's nothing to be sorry for, Princess."
"Still…"
"If anything, the one who ought to apologize is me. Your vulture dance doesn't appeal to me, but it's not that bad. I just really wanted to mess with you," he confessed.
"Well, you did that well enough," Azula muttered, and Sokka grinned guiltily.
"And I guess I'm also sorry regarding the bunk you'll have to sleep in tonight," he said, raising his eyebrows. "I figure you should take my bed, though I'm sure it won't be as good as your royal sleeping arrangements. You always say that it's better than sleeping on the ground, though, so…"
"I can take your bed?" she repeated, looking at him in confusion. "You're not planning on staying there too?"
"Well…" he started, before he smiled and shook his head. "It's better this way. Trust me on that. Come on, let's go. I've never showed you my room, have I?"
If he hadn't said so, Azula wouldn't have realized that was the case. He jerked his head towards the staircase and walked towards it, guiding the Princess to the last door of the hallway in the upper floor. Azula followed dutifully as he opened the door, her chest still constraining her painfully.
The room was spacious enough, with only a bed, a small closet and a dresser. There were twin doors that led to a small balcony through which Sokka would have a not-so-great view of his surroundings, as the balcony was located on the end of the house that looked out to the edge of the crater, and that wouldn't be much of an impressive landscape from this point of view. All in all, the room seemed cozy enough. It wasn't the sort of room Azula was used to, but it was the sort of room she would have expected her gladiator to have.
"Song had changed the sheets before I came back from the Slate, but if you want I can get fresher ones…" Sokka said, and Azula shook her head.
"It's fine, no need to bother," she said, and he bit his lip.
"Well, then… there's water on the nightstand," he said. "In case you get thirsty overnight. And if you need anything else, I'll be on the couch right downstairs…"
"Sokka…" Azula said, looking at him almost pleadingly. "You don't have to do that. We've shared the same bed more than enough times by now, it's fine if you just…"
"I know that, but I don't think it's a good idea," he said, with a sad smile. "Hell, I'd love to, but… but I'm afraid I've controlled myself too long as it is. I can't promise I'll be able to stop myself from doing things I shouldn't this time."
"You're all out of willpower, then?" she asked, and he grinned.
"I think I'm using all I've got left by going to the couch instead," he said, and Azula gritted her teeth. "Look, I don't… I don't think I can hold back anymore, I've said that before. But I still don't want to do anything you might not be ready for. So…"
He fell silent, as though waiting for her to say he was wrong, that she was ready, or as ready as she would ever be, if anything. And upon looking into her eyes he had the feeling that those words were threatening to spill out of her, but she was holding them in. She was afraid, one way or another… and he couldn't blame her for it. He was damn terrified as well.
"So just sleep tight," he said, smiling. "I'll see you tomorrow."
Azula opened her mouth, as though to tell him not to leave. She wanted to say she needed him with her tonight, regardless of whatever it could result in… she wanted to tell him she loved him, this time for real, without any substances inducing her to tell him the truth about her feelings. She wanted to say so many things… but she couldn't utter them. Surely for wanting to say so much she fell short, and instead said nothing. She swallowed and nodded, her chest aching so badly she was sure she was going to split in two.
Sokka smiled sadly at her, stroking her cheek with the back of his hand gently. Azula's hands reached up to take his bandaged one, her eyes closing as she basked in his light touch. This would have to do for tonight… there was nothing more to it. She couldn't pull through with what her heart truly desired.
"Night," she finally said. Sokka sighed and drew back his hand, smiling at her before leaving the room without another word.
Azula's hand went to her forehead as she shook her head. She continued to stare at the open door Sokka had left through, in utter and total disbelief of what she'd just done.
"I'm an idiot," she whispered to herself. "I'm… I'm an idiot."
She continued to shake her head as she walked to the bed, dropping on it headfirst into the pillow. Sighs escaped her body, for somehow they seemed to help her feel better. The chest-splitting pain was still there, but it mitigated slightly with every released breath.
She wanted to tell herself she would be happy about this one day, but it was a lie she'd never believe. She wouldn't be, no doubt, for this was truly destroying her inside. It wasn't an innocent struggle as it might have been before, not ever since lust had joined the fray as well. She desired him desperately, and the battle between her urges and her rational mind was so brutal she was afraid she wouldn't get through it without sacrificing one of them somehow. One side would win eventually… and no matter the outcome of the fight, the only loser would be herself, of course. For the first time in her life she was fighting a battle she couldn't turn to her favor, no matter what she did…
And sleeping in Sokka's bed did nothing to help either. It smelled like him… had he lain here, thinking about her, just as she often did in her own bed, her mind full of thoughts of him? She cringed and berated herself for thinking of that. She had to control herself already…
Still, it was hard to relax in a bed full of his scent, in a room that suited him perfectly, with a heart in her chest that belonged to him completely and reminded her of it with each and every painful beat. She cursed as she pulled the sheets over her body, trying to stop her thoughts from consuming her, the memories of both good and bad times from tormenting her. That dreadful night kept returning to her, as a reminder of how he could break her heart… but the night on the ship came back as well, along with the pleasure he had provided her even in such a limited situation. Just what would happen if he had free rein over her body…?
She shivered at the thought, and she grabbed the pillow to groan into it… only to find that it also smelled like him, of course. She sighed and shook her head, surrounding it with her arms tightly. Perhaps at this point, her only choice would be to pretend this was Sokka in order to soothe herself to sleep…
Feeling miserable, pathetic and foolish, she told herself that tomorrow would be a better day somehow. It had to be. This pain would be gone… for, if it wasn't, she couldn't promise she wouldn't do what they both had been trying to avoid. For once she wasn't sure she could prove strong enough to overcome this challenge…
Maybe she was, though. But she certainly didn't want to be.
She tore through the crowd desperately, searching for him without respite. Neither Mai nor Ty Lee had seen him since he had danced with Suki, Ruon Jian and Haru were equally clueless about where Zuko might have ran off to. His disappearance had been a simple thing at first, she hadn't given it too much importance… but after what the Fire Lord had declared, she was terrified to her very bone. What did it mean that Azula would become Crown Princess? Had something happened to Zuko? Had he done anything to lose his father's favor irreparably? What on earth was going on?
She barely knew the Palace, the tour Zuko had given her some time ago hadn't really helped much, and she feared she was running in circles, seeing as she couldn't find him anywhere. She barged into his room when she found her bearings, but she failed to find him, and she even dashed through the eerie gallery of royal portraits to no avail. Where was he?
Her feet ached, for she had spent actual hours searching through the Palace to no results. She couldn't wait to get out of these shoes… but first she had to find Zuko. She needed to make sure he was fine…
Either the celebration had died down by then, or Suki had strayed so far from the main Palace hall that she could barely hear the noise anymore. It didn't matter, though, all that mattered was finding Zuko…
Just then, she took the next corner to a dark corridor to find him sitting before the gardens. His legs were crossed, and it seemed he held something in his hands, but he had his back towards Suki, so she couldn't see what it was. She didn't care, though. All she wanted was to reach him and berate him, if only a little, for making her worry so much…
"Zuko, finally…" she said, approaching him, but stopping a few steps away. His shoulders were squared, she noticed now, and his head was hung. "Zuko?"
Only then did she realize the object in his hands was a small knife, not unlike Mai's. Suki's eyes widened, and she looked at him in disbelief. He wasn't going to do what she thought he was going to do, now, was he?
"Zuko…" she said again, her voice deeper now, and she stretched a hand towards him but withdrew it when Zuko clasped the knife in his right hand.
"I… I'm sorry," he said. "After all I said, and after things somehow looked like they'd get better for us, suddenly I'm…"
"Zuko, don't you dare…" Suki said, shaking her head, horrified. Zuko sighed and stood up, still staring out at the garden. This would be much easier if he didn't look her in the eye, sadly.
"He's through with me," he said. "And I've had enough of him as well. He's… he's only ever seen me as an obstacle in his way. I'm not even a son to him. So, I'll give him his wish. I'll…"
"Zuko, for crying out loud, what are you even talking about?" Suki exclaimed, her eyes filling with tears.
"I don't have a choice," he said, gritting his teeth. "I'm sorry, Suki. But… I have to go."
"Y-you have to… what?" Suki said, staring into his back. He had to go somewhere? Then he wasn't contemplating suicide, or was he…?
"I don't belong here. I won't until I… until I find my honor, until I feel at peace with myself. And I'm not at peace as I am," he said, gulping. "You gave me the chance to realize I could be happy, and I owe you more than you know for it. But I can't stay with you as I am, I can't stay here. I'm… I'm leaving the Fire Nation again. I've had enough of this…"
"No. No, Zuko, please…" said Suki, shaking her head.
No, this wasn't as bad as what she'd misunderstood, but regardless, she was going to lose him… she would lose him right after having thought they'd be together for good. Right after accepting him into her life wholeheartedly…
The Prince lifted the knife to the back of his head. He clutched his top knot with his free hand, and he severed his small bun slowly, carefully. Suki's eyes widened, understanding the meaning of his gesture immediately.
Zuko sighed, knowing there was no turning back from this. He had left the Fire Nation the last time by the Fire Lord's decree… this time around he would leave by choice. He was abandoning his people, turning against his father, if not against the Fire Nation as a whole. But he needed to do this…
"Zuko… you… where will you go?" Suki asked, the tears starting to slip down her face. "What are you going to do? You can't just do this without thinking it through!"
"I've thought it through enough," Zuko said, with a sad sigh. "I don't belong here any more than you or Sokka or Toph do. It used to be my home… now it feels like my grave. Maybe that will change one day… but I'm afraid it won't while my father is Fire Lord. Perhaps I'm the one who needs to change my mind, change my ways… it's true that there's too much I don't know, too much I don't understand. I've failed to understand what honor really meant… and I hope to become an honorable man, honorable enough to be worthy of you."
"Y-you fool, you… I don't need you to leave to know you're worthy of me," she said, shaking her head. Zuko's breath caught in his throat. "I'm the one who's not worthy of you! And yet you offered me everything, regardless of that…!"
"I offered you things I had no power over, and I only realized that now," he said, gritting his teeth. "My feelings for you are as strong as ever, Suki, and… and I won't stop loving you, no matter how long I spend away from you. But I can't offer you a life as I am. All I can offer is my heart, and I know damn well it's not much…"
"It's more than enough, you fool, I don't need anything else…" Suki said, looking at him in despair. "Zuko, please…"
He shook his head slowly, and she bit her lower lip as more tears poured from her eyes.
"I… I won't ask you to wait for me," he said. "I have no right to demand that from you. But… but I promise that I'll return a better man. A worthier man…"
Suki sobbed silently, a hand going to her forehead as she shook her head more. This couldn't be happening. Not when only hours earlier everything had worked out so well…
She leaned forward, pressing her face to his back, knowing his resolve wouldn't break but still hoping to somehow move him, to make him change his mind… but he said no more words. She suspected he might be crying as well, for his shoulders shook slightly once in a while. She rested against him for as long as her heart could take the sorrow before she turned on her heels and left, unable to bear being near Zuko anymore. Not when she knew he would be gone by no fault of hers, just as everything that she had held dear through her whole life. Everything she treasured would disappear, one way or another, and all she could do was watch helplessly as it slipped through her fingers…
Zuko gritted his teeth hard, still clutching both the knife and the severed hair bun. It was the right decision, no matter if it hurt so much that it seemed wrong. One day, perhaps, it would hurt less… but it certainly wouldn't stop hurting if he stayed here. His life would remain at a standstill as it was, and nothing would improve if he didn't leave. He would become an outcast to his own nation once again… and regardless if it hurt, he knew it was the right choice to make. He'd had enough of this. It was time to put an end to this part of his story, to the weirdest year of his life, and to take the reins of his future into his own hands, for once.