Opening File: Ford Pines
Stanford 'Ford' Filbrick Pines (born June 15, about 15 minutes before Stan Pines), also known as The Author, or simply Grunkle Ford, is a paranormal investigator who came to Gravity Falls, Oregon, to study the huge concentration of supernatural activity in and around the town. After spending years cataloging his research in a series of journals, he disappeared into an alternate dimension. His writings were left as the only evidence of his existence. Stanford was born in the late 1940s to early 1950s to Filbrick Pines and Caryn Pines in Glass Shard Beach, New Jersey, 15 minutes before his twin brother, Stanley.
He was raised Jewish. From an early age, Ford was fascinated with the supernatural and science fiction. He displayed an abnormally high I.Q. and a rare birth defect that granted him an extra finger on both hands. Despite their vastly different personalities, Ford and his brother were the best of friends, often roaming the beach in search of adventure.
Unfortunately, their youth was plagued with frequent bullying due to Ford's six fingers and Stan's wimpish characteristics, most notably from their childhood tormentor Crampelter. This prompted their father to enlist them in boxing lessons as a means of toughening them up. As the twins reached adolescence, Ford's brains and scientific achievement expanded a contrast to his brother's disinterest in academics. The two remained close, working together on their ship (called the Stanowar) to fulfill their childhood dreams of sailing around the globe until Ford was summoned to the Principal's office.
There, he was lauded as a genius and offered the chance to show his science fair experiment, a Perpetual Motion Machine, to a visiting team of recruiters from West Coast Tech, a prestigious university on the other side of the country. With promises of fortune and success should he be accepted, Ford became less sure of his plans with Stan, revealing to his twin that he'd seize the chance to go if it happened. However, on the day of the visit, Ford and the West Coast Tech team simultaneously discover that the Perpetual Motion Machine has stopped moving, defeating its sole purpose. A distraught Ford discovers an empty bag of Toffee Peanuts next to his display, and mistakenly believes Stanley has sabotaged him.
He angrily confronts his brother back home and doesn't interfere while his father kicks Stan out of the house, disowning him until he could pay back the potential millions he cost the Pines family. He is seen sadly looking out at his brother from the window of their shared room, before a glance at a West Coast Tech pamphlet gives him the strength to close the blinds on him. Ford reluctantly enrolls himself in Backupsmore University, a low-ranking college whose most notable achievement is clean dorms. Despite the drawback, he set himself to the task and worked hard, entering a doctoral program three years ahead of schedule.
It was during this time that Ford met and befriended Fiddleford McGucket, a genius mechanic aspiring to build personalized computers. Following the completion of a nationally ranked thesis, Stanford was awarded an enormous grant of one hundred thousand dollars, which brought an end to his studies at Backupsmore. When thinking of how to employ the grant, Ford recalled how he'd been antagonized by his six fingers all through childhood, and decided to dedicate his life to the study of oddities. He chose the sleepy hamlet of Gravity Falls, Oregon, believing it to be an area of high concentration of supernatural occurrences.
Putting his grant money to use in the construction of a large, isolated research lab in the forest, Ford was soon entranced by Gravity Falls' weirdness. He recorded his many findings first in one, then in more journals as his discoveries increased. Eventually, he realized a need to expand his work area, establishing a small, heavily protected bunker laboratory to host his more dangerous projects and experiments, such as the Shape Shifter. Ford made use of his talents and newly acquired knowledge of Gravity Falls to create new and extraordinary inventions, including the mind-swapping Electron Carpet and a mind-controlling tie designed for the masters of presidential election candidate Ronald Reagan.
By 1981, six years since his arrival in Gravity Falls, Stanford had an encyclopedic knowledge of his mysterious new home, and was in the process of writing his third journal. Unfortunately, he soon hit a roadblock, and was left without answers as to how the improbalilities of Gravity Falls had come to be. The plateau in his research led him to the discovery of a cave filled with cryptic hieroglyphics, as the message spoke of an entity containing unending knowledge. Despite the warnings about the entity, Ford repeated the incantation aloud, which summoned a triangular creature who introduced himself as Bill Cipher into his mindscape.
Presenting himself as a muse, one who chose a genius intellectual to inspire once every century, Bill offered Ford a partnership: Bill would bestow his knowledge to Ford in exchange for the ability to move freely within and without Ford's own mind. Under Cipher's guidance, Ford was introduced to vast information, learning of a parallel dimension of paranormal phenomena that had leaked into his world, which gave birth to the weirdness of Gravity Falls. With Bill's assistance, Stanford drafted blueprints to create an interdimensional gateway beneath his home, recruiting his college friend Fiddleford and his mechanic prowess for the project. As construction went underway, Ford's admiration towards Bill and his wisdom escalated into worship, which led to his collecting triangular memorabilia, such as rugs and statues, modeling his home's architecture in his image and even converting his private study to a place of worship.
As their partnership seemingly grew to friendship, Fiddleford became increasingly suspicious of the device they had constructed and of Ford's mysterious collaborator, as Ford refused to reveal Bill's identity to his friend. When the portal's first trial resulted in Fiddleford accidentally going through it, bringing back a macabre warning about 'the beast with just one eye', Ford finally became suspicious as well. He resolved to continue the project however, even though he now faced it alone: McGucket, disturbed by his glimpse of the Nightmare Realm and horrified at Ford for wanting to continue, quit on the spot. The argument led to Ford questioning his mentor.
It was then that Bill revealed his intentions of merging the Nightmare Realm with their dimension, even showing Ford a glimpse the horrors that lay beyond the rift. Refusing to part with his life's work, Ford deactivated the device and created Project Mentem, a machine capable of bio-electrically encrypting thoughts, which prevented Cipher from wreaking havoc in the mindscape and even a suit of armor he named Armatae to protect the world from Cipher. Despite these precautions, Ford remained deeply paranoid and fearful of the catastrophe he'd nearly caused; he took to journaling and even amending previous journal entries with invisible ink.
With his fear of Bill's inevitable return growing stronger, Ford eventually felt the need to abandon his research and hide his journals, thus preventing details on the portal's operation from falling into the wrong hands. Hiding his second and third journals locally and converting his offsite laboratory into a makeshift fallout shelter, designed to survive an apocalypse, Ford finally contacted estranged brother Stanley in an urgent call for help. After Stan's arrival, Ford's plight was near its end, as his final task rested on his brother's shoulders: after briefly explaining the portal and its power, Ford entrusted Stan his first journal, the only one still in his possession, and requested him to take it as far away as he could. Hurt and enraged at being summoned only to be sent as far as possible, Stan spitefully claimed he'd get rid of the journal by burning it, which prompted Ford to react in defense of his research.
The brawl escalated into a fistfight within the laboratory that inadvertently reactivated the portal. As the fight neared the active portal, Stan angrily shoved the journal back into Ford's hands, which inadvertently pushed Ford into the gateway's range. While a helpless Stan watched, Ford first yelled at his twin to do something, then tossed him the journal, before disappearing through the gateway. Ford found himself stranded between dimensions in an unfamiliar netherworld of the supernatural, something he was hardly prepared for.
Ford wandered through various dimensions over the next thirty years, such as the "strangely pleasant" Dimension 52. He also came into contact with otherworldly items, such as the "highly-illegal" infinity sided dice.
Close File
Xxx
He was just sitting there, minding his own business when his phone flashed. Pulling it out of the pocket he looked at it and saw two words:
CROSSOVER ALERT
'Great.' He thought as a green portal appeared behind him and out stepped someone with his portal gun.
"Greetings, Rick."
"Hey nerd. You find your dimension yet?"
Ford Pines shook his head as he sat on the roof of the house belonging to his friend. "No. I've found plenty of other alternate universes that are similar to mine but they are not the ones I came from. Thank you for allowing me to use your portal gun by the way. I think I'll stick to old fashion travel from here on out."
"Suit yourself." The man next to him, chugging a bottle of beer.
Ford noticed a pair of goggles over the man's eyes. "What are those? A new form of high specialized goggles for seeing multiple spectrums."
"You wish." The man handed him the goggles. "See for yourself."
Ford slipped the goggles on and began seeing…himself?
"They're interdimensional goggles. They let you see alternate versions of yourself and the lives they are living." The man explained.
"Amazing." Ford gasped. "I see…This is back when I was a child, when my project was broken. I managed to fix my Perpetual Motion Machine just before the inspection…I graduate with the highest score ever and I get accepted into West Coast Tech!"
He was on cloud eleven, seeing all of his dreams come true.
"I start my own science company with my own team." Ford banged a fist on the roof. "I knew I would get in if it wasn't for my brother!"
Stanley selfishly sabotaging his work and getting him thrown out into the mult-verse like the miserable wretch that he is.
Ford's friend simply took another sip of his beer as Ford gasped in pure shock and excitement. "I win a Nobel Prize?!"
He watched as his other self accepted the prize and then spoke to the crowd. "Thank you, thank you everyone! You're applause has made this reward all the more worth it in my endeavor to create a better future for humanity in the name of science and knowledge but tonight you are not just celebrating my achievements but the hard work and dedication of one man who made this all possible."
"Now who could that be?" Ford wondered. "Possibly a partner or an assistant."
"He knew his strengths and his weaknesses and he dedicated everything to helping me. When I needed money, he worked off his posterior to make sure I had it. When I needed assurance I could do it all, he was there to tell me in the best way he could: brutal honesty." Ford's other self spoke. "He sacrificed everything, even his own education to make sure I would have a chance. I speak of my own twin brother!"
Ford gaped as his other self gestured to…Stanley?!
It was his brother but Stanley looked…ragged. His clothes were torn, his face was rugged, he had dark circles around his eyes and it looked like he had aged a few decades ahead of his brother.
"Come on up, Stanley!" Ford's other self gestured, greeting his brother with a hug. "You made this all possible Stanley. You may not be like my idols…but you, my best friend, my brother are my hero."
The sight of his brother's smile and tearful eyes caused emotions to swirl in Ford as he spoke. "Hey, you deserve this bro. Congratulations, Poindexter."
They shared a photo and Ford could see how well his other self looked compared to his brother.
Neatly combed hair.
Sharp clean clothes.
And his face perfectly clean and maintained compared to his brother's.
"This guy here, he's the next whatever smart guy you all like!" Stanley laughed happily, causing everyone to applaud again.
Ford took off the goggles, suddenly realizing the tears falling down his face as guilt and shame slammed into him like an anvil. "Ohhh…My god…I'm…horrible."
"Yeah." Rick Sanchez tossed his beer bottle off the roof. "Welcome to the club, pal."
"Everything I ever wanted right there…and I just see myself destroy my brother's life to do it." Ford couldn't even understand why he was feeling guilty. "I don't know why I should feel guilt. He broke my invention and I fixed it just in time. This is probably his penance for that."
"Sounds like he got what he deserved." Rick shrugged.
"So why do I feel guilty? I should be happy. I should be glad he bent the knee and worked to repay me. If anything that should have happened to me in my reality." Ford wondered.
"Still can." Rick held out his portal gun.
"What do you mean?"
"You think you should be at the top, Ford. You want to be the man whose got it all?"
Ford stared at the portal gun. "How is me going into that alternate version of myself's reality going to help me?"
"Yeah, it would be awkward if you just show up out of the blue…So about you go kill your other self, take his place and make your brother kiss your ass until he falls over and dies?" Rick asked.
"What?!" Ford gaped. "Why?!"
"Why not? You know the idea of infinite versions of yourself existing in infinite realities. Means that Ford is you, accomplishments and all. Go there, kill him and everything he has is yours. No one ever has to know and it never has to be a problem." Rick said, still holding out the Portal Gun.
Ford stared at the Portal Gun…and shook his head. "No, it would never be that simple, Rick. Simply killing yourself, your other self and living in his shoes just because his life turned out better than mine? I would still be a stranger in another man's house, surrounded by strangers wearing the faces of anyone I have ever known. They'd never know what would happen to him just as everyone in my reality would never know what happened to me and they would never see either of us again." Ford looked back up the sky. "I could never do that, Rick."
"Well then…" Rick lowered the portal gun. "Seems you're not as horrible as you think you are, Ford."
Ford stared at Rick for a moment. "Rick, the way you brought this up. Have you…Ever done that something like before? Supplanted the life of another Rick…just to benefit your own?"
Rick took a sip of his flask and burped. "…Maybe."
Xxx
"Aw, man! I just heard about the attack at the mayor's building!" Yara complained and slouched on the table with a depressed look on her face while recovering from their mission to the Iron Heavens.
Everyone was taking a time off to recover, North taken his time at the park and Ross spending time with Sam, no doubt wanting to keep some of the details out from causing stress and worry during her early pregnancy.
"Nothing to worry, Yara, just heard they sorted it out and no one was seriously hurt." Conner told her and surprised to see her in this state before.
"That, and also because I wanted to see the Swat Katz in action! I wanted to have a little tinker with those new robots called the Metallikats!" The blue haired huntress said which was the real reason and many knew for her being a fan of many heroes.
Doyle smirked at her and tried to hold in the urge to tease her. "So that's it, well too bad. From what I hear they're now scrapped and probably sent to the junkyard. So how'd your team fair on Iron Heavens, from what Erika told me it sounded like hell with crazed psycho."
"Sounds like Arkham back home." Conner said.
"What's that?" Yara asked him, believing to be a place from his world.
"Think of it as an asylum, only with many villains with major screw loose and one of the places you don't wanna visit." He answered, giving the hunters a basic info on his Earth. "But what I don't get is how anyone let a mad doc to work for them."
"And after we gave our report to the mayor, GJ will no doubt demand answers from P.O.I.N.T.. I knew something was going on with those guys but never thought it be this dark." Yara gave a shiver since after what she saw from that place, they were lucky to get out of there alive and hoping some of those unfortunate victims who were tortured.
She was surprised to find her old rival, Hard Drive there having assumed it to be a place for very dangerous criminals so what did he do to be sent there?
Either he was working for someone very dangerous, stolen some highly classified data or maybe part of the reason the Iron Heavens' security was down. But one thing for certain, they have bigger problems with Chuck Hector now out of bars and running loose.
"Just when things couldn't be more complicated; Satyra, Argost, the Fallen, and rumors of possible multiversal crisis." Doyle let out a groan. "Just when I thought this couldn't get more complicated."
Superboy nodded and agreed with the redhead. "Tell me about it. Not just worried about getting back home, but the idea of these Fallen in my world is a scary thought."
"Well I heard they're closing in on his location so you and Artemis, and the others who were brought here could find yourselves back home soon." Yara said and while it would be nice of them to be back in their own dimensions, she had gotten along with them well and wanted to savor the moment before the time comes. "So I take it your mission had an interesting twist?"
Doyle shrugged his shoulders. "You could say that, apart from some guy who thought to take on everyone with a crazy gemstone."
Yara began to form a teasing smirk and rested her chin on her arms. "Oh, and I heard you ran into this Sandiego girl. Care to share something?"
Careful of choosing his words and narrowed his eyes at her. "That's none of your business, squirt. And shouldn't you be in a lab doing some stuff?"
"Nah, taking a break. But just curious as you seem to know this thief/huntress very well, even Erika." Yara grinned at him.
"No matter what you say, I ain't budging." Knowing how his girlfriend would want answers from him soon, just hoping to live to see another day. "Besides I got to go and check out that stone tablet on Kur, remember? The Cryptid the Satyra's leader and Argost want to awaken?"
Conner remained silent and knew he had a valid point on that with what they found out and with a lot of heroes, Hunters and every ally working on the clock across the globe.
"Well, why not try to contact the Saturdays? They've been working on it and could use a lot of help." Yara suggested and thought it would be a good idea.
"Right, like the last time I came to their house I helped trashed the place while working as Von Rook's apprentice, remember?" Doyle brought up. "Better safer for one of you guys or Erika to back me up."
Before Yara could respond her tablet beeped and pulled it out to answer. "Yeah? North, hey hows' it going at the…" Her expression changed from a smile to a shock as she listened. "What?! Be right there!" She hung up and stood up. "Something happened at the park, I'll talk to ya later." She gave her half of the money to pay for lunch and opened a portal.
"Need help?" Conner asked her and thought to come along.
"Sure. You coming, Doyle?" Yara asked Doyle before.
"Nah, gotta get some work done and check on Erika and the dragons. Don't forget our Chaotic match, blue." Doyle proclaimed with a cocky grin on his face.
"Don't worry. And besides, it will be me who will win!" She proclaimed before stepping through the portal and vanished before him.
Xxx
Both Yara and Conner emerged from the other side, arrived at the GrimmFall park to see a lot of people and police officers present.
"Something must have happened." Superboy could easily tell.
"Yeah, but what? Can't be a Grimm attack or a villain, I mean there was that recent tsunami that was on the news." Yara recalled watching the events and saw what can be described as a giant mech with similarities of the Dragon of Denver, even the ones that matched that of the one who took down that giant Mummy creature.
"I see you got here in time." North could be seen passing through the crowd. "Sorry if I disturbed you of anything but this seemed serious after what happened."
"No worries, we came as soon as we could." Yara told him.
"So what happened?" Connor asked.
"I was among the crowed watching people sponsor to fight for charity for the hospital. It seemed like a noble cause and I was willing to give some Technos." North scowled and crossed his arms over his chest, not looking at all happy. "However, some heartless thief used a smoke bomb and stole all the charity money." His sentence ended with a tone of disdain as he couldn't believe someone would do something as low as stealing money for charity.
Conner was shocked to find out about this and felt just as angry. "How could someone do that? Stealing from shops and banks is one thing, but from charity?"
"Yeah, guess they thought it was much easier and think only of themselves." Yara agreed and slammed her fists together. "If I ever find this asshole first, not only will I break his legs but arms too! I don't care what the cause is, stealing is stealing!"
That she would make a promise and get the money back for the hospital patients, especially for the kids.
"Any chance of someone got a glimpse of the person?" Conner asked North who shook his head.
"All we know is he wore a disguise, I just spoke to one of the staff workers." He gestured to the yeti who was speaking to the police. "So far he was one who recently spoke to him, thought to have just been someone passing by."
Xxx
Here she was.
Back to where it all started.
Stopping to look at herself in the reflection of a random window Nyx's pink lips curled into a smirk, seeing she looked nothing like the girl who would see her reflection as she walked past this window almost every day of her young life. Despite being in her adult form she looked completely different and could even say she looked nothing like the foolish little girl and luckily all the feels that had been so frequent with that child had vanished along with her existence. The only thing that remained were memories that meant nothing to her…
And perhaps the need to pay homage to the feelings of deceit and rage that had so consumed the life of her former self. And so that was what brought her back to her former home, the home she had been abandoned in. Looking into her reflection again she closed her eyes and transformed exactly into the very form of the little girl Nyx had been when she had last been here.
Xxx
"You!"
It had happened so fast.
One second all was peaceful and blissfully quiet.
Then next appeared Nyx, standing before her former foster family.
"How dare you come back here?!"
"Do you know what you put us through?!"
"Or how much your annoying sister wouldn't shut up about trying to find you? We had to shut her up ourselves."
Nyx frowned at that before her lips curled into an evil smirk to match her dark menacing eyes as she transformed into her current self. "The Nyx that you think you know no longer exists."
Both parents stepped back from the demonic aura that circled around their former foster child. With a flash of Nyx's eyes the entire house was engulfed into purple flames. Nyx with Pericles perched on her shoulder watched as the former home of her moral self was engulfed in purple flames lighting up the night.
Nyx spoke with a serious look on her face. "I was a fool, made mistakes, but the past is the past. I now truly understand my place in this universe, of who I am, of who I was always meant to be."
Than a dark grin formed on her face as she started to laugh with her laughter sending chills down the backs of any witnesses that were watching and turned away from the burning house as she proclaimed proudly. "Nyx, phoenix and Lady of Chaos! The one who will bring forth chaos and liberation to this universe!"
She was about to praise herself on her first kill but stopped when she sensed something wrong. Making her way back into the fire she went down into the basement, coming upon her former self's older sister. Tambry appeared to have been beaten badly but what really stood out was the magical barrier surrounding her and keeping her safe from the fire. Frowning Nyx reached out to touch the barrier, only for her hand to be repelled.
This barrier was made to protect Tambry from her magic.
Now interested Nyx knelt down and stared at the barrier, watching as Tambry panted slightly from the fire and managed to open one why while the other was covered swelled and black.
"N-Nyx…"
Whether it had stirred something in her Nyx transformed back into her younger self and reached out again, watching as the barrier dissolved and allowed the Lady of Chaos to touch her. Nyx however knew it would come back if she attempted to strike her down.
So she did the next best thing.
Xxx
"T-Tambry?!"
Nyx almost rolled her eyes as she left her sister in the hospital. "Her parents and home have burned to the ground. She was the only one left alive."
And immediately after she spoke those words she vanished. Whether the reason Nyx spared her former self's older sister was because she was the one person her former self actually loved or because Nyx thought it would be fun to watch as Tambry found herself completely alone now not even the Lady of Chaos knew.
Xxx
THWACK!
"You little bastard!"
THWACK!
"How dare you up and disappear on us?!"
THWACK!
"Do you know how much pain you've caused us?!"
THWACK!
"And if that wasn't enough you send us a daughter, my great daughter who was born out of wedlock?!"
THWACK!
"OW!" Hoagie finally felt a hit, having used his sky-blue Aura to protect himself from his grandmother's wrath.
While Lydia was 'welcoming' her grandson back Stan walked up to his brother, staring him in the eye. "Finally, after all these years, you're actually here…Brother."
"Yes…I am." Ford said…before slugging Stan in the face.
Stan fell onto the ground, rubbing his face. "Ow! What the heck was that for?!"
"For restarting the portal. That was a dangerous move." The author said as Stan got back up and then surprisingly hugged him. "And that's…for risking your life to bring me back."
Stan was surprised by the hug at first before finally hugging him back. "Anytime, Poindexter."
The brother stepped back and looked at everyone else. "Stan, why are there so many children down here. And…some sort of large, hairless gopher?"
Soos chuckled. "Heh, I get that a lot."
"They're your family, Poindexter." Stan nodded towards Dipper and Mabel first. "These are Shermie's grandkids. The colorful one's Mabel and the sweat one's Dipper." Then he gestured to Zoe and Frida. "These are my granddaughters."
These seemed to throw the author for a loop. "Granddaughters?!"
"Yep." Stan nodded.
"Don't worry. Grandpa was surprised to meet us too." Frida said with a smile.
"And this is their mother, my daughter." Stan gestured to Voltura who took her helmet off. "Carmelita Aves. Her mother is their grandmother."
"Wait, aren't those two supervillains?" Dipper said, getting a good look at the two.
Mabel gasped. "We're related to villains?!"
"Somehow that fits you." The author said with a dry smile.
"Ha-ha." Stan shook his head.
The author knelt down and offered his hand to Mabel. "Greetings. Do kids still say greetings? I haven't been in this dimension for a really long time."
Mabel noticed his hands had six fingers instead of fire. "Whoa, a six-fingered handshake? It's a full finger friendlier than normal!"
"Heha, I like this kid. She's weird." Stan's brother chuckled.
"I-I can't believe it." Dipper whispered at first. "You're the author of the journals!"
"You've read my journals?" The man asked with a smile.
"I haven't just read them; I've lived them!" Dipper said, walking in circles. "I've been waiting for so long to meet you, I-I don't know what to say I have so many questions I… Dipper started breathing heavily. "Oooooohhh I think I'm gonna throw up."
Mabel comes over as Dipper started to hyperventilate. "Hmmpf! No-no, false alarm. Hmmpf! Just gotta ride it out!"
"Listen, there'll be time for introductions later." The author turned to his brother. "But first, tell me, Stan: are there any security breaches? Does anyone else know about this portal?"
"No, just us. Also maybe the entire U.S. government."
"The what?!"
Sure enough the security feed in the other room showed Agent Powers and shack flooding with agents. "Fan out! We're not going anywhere till we find Stan Pines and those kids!"
The author sighed. "Okay. It's all right. We've got a while before they find this room. We just need to lay low and think of a plan."
"Well, it looks like we're stuck down here for a while. Who wants to tell us their entire mysterious backstory?" Mabel suggested.
"Yes, I have some questions about this myself, Stanley." The author said.
"Stanley?" Dipper questioned.
"But your name is Stanford." Mabel said.
"Wait, you took my name?! What have you been doing all these years, you knucklehead?!" The author, the real Stanford turned to his brother.
"Yeah, Grunkle Stan, no more lies! You owe us some answers: What's the deal with this portal? Why did you keep this a secret?" Dipper interrogated.
"And what happened between you and your brother?" Mabel asked.
"I hope all this aligns exactly with my fanfic, Stan. If not, I will be very disappointed." Soos stated.
"Should we just knock them out?"
"Okay, okay, okay, I have a lot of explaining to do. It all started... a lifetime ago... nineteen sixty something. I lived with my ma and pa in the Lead Paint District in the family pawn shop. Dad was a strict man. Tough as a cinderblock and not easily impressed." Stanley Pines began.
Xxx
"I am not impressed." Filbrick Pines said after reading an article.
Xxx
"Ma was a pathological liar, which served her well as a phone psychic." Stan continued.
Xxx
"That'll be 99 cents an hour... No, you're overpriced... Yeah, I predicted you were gonna hang up." Caryn Pines said before hanging up on the phone.
Xxx
"And then there was my nerdy twin brother, Stanford. As if his abnormally high IQ wasn't enough, he also had a rare birth defect…"
Xxx
An X-ray of Stanford's hands is shown, with the extra pinkies circled and the word 'abnormality' written above six fingers on each hand.
After the X-ray Ford was back in his room, drawing on a notebook.
Xxx
"Which might have explained his obsession with sci-fi mystery weirdness."
Xxx
Next was Stan as a child with a bucket on his head running into a wall.
Xxx
"As for me, I had what mom liked to call: personality."
Xxx
In the flashback, Stan threw the bucket off his head and the twins laughed and ran off.)
Xxx
"But as different as we were, we were the perfect team. And every day we'd wander the beach, looking for adventure."
Xxx
"A shipwrecked sailboat, possibly haunted by pirate ghosts!"
"This is the greatest thing I've ever seen! And I've once seen a dead rat floatin' in a bucket!"
Ford pushed him. "Hahaha, ew, what's wrong with you?"
"Huh, you know what this thing's missin'?"
"Flags."
Later the twins were pushing the boat, which had their shirts hanging off the masts, down the beach. They are both badly sunburned.
"Kings of New Jersey! Kings of New Jersey! Kings of New Jersey!"
Ford was kneeling in front of the boat which had "STAN O' WAR" painted on its side.
"I dub thee: the Stan O' War!" He said before getting hit in the head by a small rock. "Ow! What the heck?"
He turned and glared at the source of the rock which happened to be three children standing nearby.
"Well, well, if it ain't the loser twins. Nice boat. Ya get it at the dump? Heheheheheheheh!" The lead bully said before high fiving his two friends.
"You would know, Crampelter! Get lost!" Stan shouted.
"Listen, dorks, and listen good." The bully said, pointing at Ford. "You're a six-fingered freak,"
Now he was pointing at Stan. "And you're just a... dumber, sweatier version o' him. And you're lucky you have each other because neither of you will ever make any friends!" With that he left with his friends, laughing. "Ha, hahahaha! Dorks and losers..."
Embarrassed and saddened by the words of the older kids, Ford looked down at his hand with a saddened face which Stanley noticed. "Hey. Don't let those idiots get to you."
"But I am a freak. I just wonder if there's anywhere in the world where weirdos like me fit in." Ford sighed sadly.
"Hey, chin up, buddy. Look." Stan said as he and Ford looked at the sea. "One of these days, you and me are gonna sail away from this dumb town. We'll hunt for treasure, get all the girls, and be an unstoppable team of adventurers."
"You really mean it?" Ford asked with a small smile that slowly grew.
"High six?" Stan offered his hand out to Ford who gladly met it.
"High six."
Xxx
"Those were the good times. Those bullies may have been right about us not making many friends, but when push comes to shove, you only really need one."
Xxx
Ford was solving a math problem on a chalkboard while Stan drew a monster-caricature of his school mistress who hit him on the head with a ruler. A few years later they were sitting on the boat. A few more years later, Ford was at a party laughing nervously at an angry girl, who poured her drink on him. Stan walked over and poured his drink on himself.
Xxx
"Ford's brains seemed to get more impressive every year. So did our pet project."
Xxx
Stan and Ford were putting a sail on their boat. Later Stan was in class blowing a paper through a straw at a student next to him, then leaning over and copying off of Ford.
Xxx
"Sure I got in more than my fair share of trouble, but when your brother's the smartest kid in school, you've always got a leg up on the competition."
Xxx
Ford won a science fair, and then Stan came over and put his arm around him.
Xxx
"The future was lookin' bright. For both of us. Till one day..."
Xxx
Stan was eating Toffee Peanuts in class while Ford writing something before a voice over the PA got their attention. "Pines twins to the principal's office. Pines twins to the principal's office."
"Ah, great, what is it this time?" Stan groaned.
Ford and Stan were starting to go into the principal's office when a woman at her desk stopped them, pointing at Stan. "Not you; him."
Stan sat in a chair. "Uh."
Ford walked into the office, seeing that his parents were there and sat in the chair between them. "Now, Mr. Pines, I'd like to speak with you very frankly if I may."
"Very frankly is the only way I speak." Filbrick Pines said coldly.
"You have two sons: one of them is incredibly gifted, the other one is standing outside of this room and his name's Stanley." The Principal said as frankly as he claimed he would.
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying your son, Stanford, is a GENIUS! All his teachers are going bananas over his science fair experiment!" He gave Ford a pamphlet. "Ya ever heard of West Coast Tech? Best college in the country. Their graduates turn science fiction into science FACT! The admissions team is visiting tomorrow to check out Stanford's experiment. Your son may be a future millionaire, Mr. Pines."
"I'm impressed." Filbrick's normally stoic face slowly turned into a proud look, with even a smile.
"But what about our little free spirit, Stanley?"
"That clown?" The Principal scoffed."At this rate he'll be lucky to graduate high school. Look, there's a saltwater taffy store on the dock. And somebody's gotta get paid to scrape the barnacles off of it. Stanford's goin' places. But hey, look on the bright side: at least you'll have one son here in New Jersey forever."
Little did they know Stan had heard everything and sat down sadly outside the door.
Later Stan and Ford were sitting on the swings.
"Heh. Joke's on them if they think you wanna go to some stuffy college on the other side of the country. Once we get the Stan O' War complete, it's gonna be beaches, babes, and international treasure hunting for us." Stan said, believing him and Ford would always stick together.
His brother however seemed to have other ideas. "Look, Stan, I can't pass up a chance like this. This school has cutting edge programs and multi-dimensional paradigm theory."
"Beep boop. I am a nerd robot. That's you. That's what you sound like." Stan said, trying insert some humor into the conversation.
"Heheh. Ah, well, if the college board isn't impressed with my experiment tomorrow, then okay, I'll do the treasure-hunting thing."
"…And if they are?"
Ford lightly punched him. "Well then, I guess you better come visit me on the other side of the country. Haha."
With that he walked away, leaving a saddened and upset Stan on the swings.
Xxx
"Without Ford I was just half of a dynamic duo. I couldn't make it without him."
Xxx
Stan was walking through the science experiments at the school at night.
Xxx
"And now, thanks to that dumb college, I was gonna lose my brother forever."
Xxx
Stan stopped at Ford's experiment. "This is all your fault, ya dumb machine!"
He punched the table and a piece came off.
"Oh no. Oh no no, what did I do?" He put the piece back on. "There. Alright. Good as new. Probably."
The next morning with the college board was inspecting Ford's project.
"Alright, kid. Show us what ya got."
"Okay! Well, what would you say if I told you that the future of technology was beneath this sheet?" Ford pulled the tarp off.
"…I'd say that we wasted a car trip."
"What?" Ford looked at his machine, which wasn't moving. "But it was stable yesterday! A fuse must have blown or something."
The man crossed 'Stanford Pines' off of a list of names. "Kid, a perpetual motion machine has one job: to not stop. I don't think you're West Coast Tech material." With that he lead the other college board members away)
"No, wait! Don't go! I worked so hard!" Ford stopped as he stepped on an empty Toffee Peanuts bag, picking it up and growled.
Back at the Pines house; Stan was sitting on a couch playing with a paddleball. "One-paddle-paddle-paddle, two-paddle-paddle. Man, that Jackie-O, what a fox." He stopped when saw Ford entered. "Hey, what's the word, Sixer?"
Ford held up his Toffee Peanuts bag. "Can you explain what this was doing next to my broken project?!"
"Ho-okay. I might have accidentally been, horsing around-"
"This was no accident, Stan; you did this! You did this because you couldn't handle me going to college on my own!"
"Look, this was a mistake! Although if you think about it, maybe there's a silver lining. Huh? Treasure hunting?"
"Are you kidding me? Why would I want to do anything with the person who sabotaged my entire future?!" Ford shoved Stan onto the couch.
Filbrick picked up Stanley by his shirt. "You did what, you knucklehead?"
Caryn came out of a room with a crying baby. "Stanley? What's goin' on in here?"
"Wait, no, I can explain; it was a mistake!"
Filbrick threw Stan outside. "You ignoramus! Your brother was gonna be our ticket out of this dump! All you ever do is lie and cheat right on your brother's coattails. Well this time you cost our family potential millions! And until you make us a fortune, you aren't welcome in this household." To prove his claim he threw a duffel bag at him.
"What?! Stanford, tell him he's bein' crazy!"
Ford, who was watching out his window, closed his curtains. "Stanford? Don't leave me hangin'. High six?"
Filbrick slammed the door. "Fine. I can make it on my own! I don't need you! I don't need anyone! I'll make millions and you'll rue the day you turned your back on me!"
Stan got in his car and drove away.
Xxx
"Thanks to one dumb mistake I had no brother, no home, no nothing. But I had a plan to fix everything."
Back in the present Stan and Ford refused to look at each other while everyone else simply watched the two.
"Oh! This story's so sad! I know what you two little broken teacups need: to hug it out! Hug it out! Hug train's comin' in the station. HUGAPOLOOZA! TWO THOUSAND!" Mabel cheerfully suggested.
"Kid, will ya knock that off? I'm tryin' to tell my life story here."
Xxx
Stan as a young man had a metal detector and was on the beach, looking for treasure.
Xxx
"I had decided I wasn't gonna show my face at home until I made something of myself. Unfortunately, the treasure-hunting business was slow going. Apparently gold was some kind of... rare metal."
Xxx
Stan saw a billboard advertising the traveling salesman lifestyle and threw his metal detector away.
Xxx
"Luckily I struck a different kind of gold... in sales."
Xxx
"Hi! I'm Stan Pines of Stan Co. Enterprises. Are sick of this always happening to you?" A pitcher of juice was thrown at him, getting juice all over him. "Then you need the Shammy of the future!" He began to wipe himself off, then the commercial skipped ahead to him completely clean. "Made with the same material astronauts use to clean up cranberry stains on the moon! That's the Sham Total! It's a total sham."
Xxx
"I had made my mark, all right. Unfortunately, so did the Shammies."
Xxx
This time it was a flashback of a woman using a Sham Total to clean a robe, but the blue dye from the Shammy leaked onto it.
Xxx
"Apparently the cheap dye I used to color them only made stains worse. Customers went crazy about that. Fortunately they were using Stan Co. brand pitchforks."
Xxx
The mob's pitchforks broke as Stanley drove by them in his car. "SUCKERS!"
Xxx
"I was officially banned from New Jersey, but with a quick name change, Steve Pinington was ready to take on Pennsylvania."
Xxx
"Hi! I'm Steve Pinington!" Stan said, pulling at Band-aid on his arm. "Are you sick of bandages that are hard to remove? Then what you need is the Rip Off! The Rip Off won't give you rashes, I repeat: it won't give you rashes."
The words 'IT WON'T GIVE YOU RASHES' appeared on the screen. Later an angry mob with rashes chased Stanley out of Pennsylvania.
Xxx
"It gave ya rashes. I traveled the whole country, sometimes outside of it, always one step ahead of the law, looking for something that would be my big break." Stan took a deep breath.
"So wait, how did you meet grandma then?" Zoe suddenly interrupted.
"Oh right." Stan chuckled, rubbing the back of his head. "Almost forgot."
"Again…" Lady Gobbler glared at Stan.
"Well, we both met after I was busted trying to sell some more…items in GrimmFall. Back then the city was a little smaller, Huntsmen Academies were still being built but one thing remained the same."
Xxx
Stan watched as the door to the interrogation room opened and in walked none other than Phil Ken Sebben, looking pretty much the same as he would in the present thanks to a secret gift given to him during the war. He was silent as he placed a file on the desk and opened it, showing various reports with all of them being on Stan.
"As you can see we've had our eye on you for some time now, Stanley Pines. You failed to graduate high school when your father disowned you. You've amassed a large amount of false IDs and you are guilty from advertising false products to outright theft and almost every scheme we have a law for." Sebben said, calmly moving the file aside. "A great deal of people have said you have no future, that you are likely to be dead before you make a single techno unit. Those people would say what I'm about to do is a waste of my time but what if I offer a way to help you make a great deal of money?"
This caught Stan's interest. "…I'm listening."
Xxx
"Wait, wait, wait!" Dipper cut in and pointed at Stan with skeptical look. "You've met Phil Ken Sebben? The mayor of GrimmFall and headmaster of Nevernest Academy, the top academy for training Hunters in America?"
"You bet your loud mouth he did." Lydia spoke up. "And that's how he met me as well."
"Wait, if you knew Sebben when you were a Huntress wouldn't that make him-" Dipper started but was interrupted.
THWACK!
"Ow!"
"Mind your own business!" Lydia snapped before continuing. "So yeah, Sebben offered the idiot a chance to make some money and he called me to whip him into shape."
Xxx
THWACK!
"Ow!" Stan rubbed his shoulder.
"Your stance is pathetic!" A young Lydia snapped, twirling her staff in one hand. "Your dad must have paid the weakest brat in Jersey to toughen you up!"
Stan grunted as he threw punch after punch at Lydia who easily blocked with her staff, showing her skills which she called Spinning Staff Defense Art. Lydia was tough and she let everyone know it as she trounced Stan in their spars but with every spar Stan got a little better until he was finally able to put up a decent fight.
Xxx
"So that's how you were so good when you took on those Blind Eye freaks." Dipper realized. "You're a Hunter?"
"Not really, kid. I was trained to fight like a Hunter but I was mostly an informant. I don't like being a rat but I was good at swindling others so I was just swindling a whole lot of bad guys and crooks. When I got my Semblance things were getting easier."
Xxx
Stan would use his Semblance to trick various gangs, criminal groups and organizations into spilling plenty of secrets for him. Some let him join their gangs only for them to be suddenly caught with Stan's involvement being kept completely a secret.
Xxx
"With it I coined plenty of information on the kind of guys who did things even I found disgusting. I mean, slave trafficking, drug shipping and even a boat load of weapons here and there with slaves. It was a lot of that but I got good at selling myself as a guy you could depend on and my Semblance didn't hurt my chances either." Stan continued and at this point, even Ford was interested in this part of Stan's life. "And in return Sebben wiped my criminal record clean, gave me a full pardon for anything that wasn't too bad but to make sure I wouldn't get caught he convinced me to spend some time in prison for the…slightly worse stuff I did. It wasn't so bad and I had a good lawyer representing me."
Xxx
Stan's lawyer, Stan Freezoid who happened to be the best criminal defense lawyer in the business managed to get his client a lighter sentence with the chance of parole in a few months.
Xxx
"My job took me from GrimmFall to nearly all over the world. To really sell it Sebben informed the governments of the countries I was visiting that I needed to really to sell my act so in return as long I got them enough dirt they looked the other way as long anything I did to get my street cred wasn't too bad."
Xxx
Stan frequented many bars, gambling pits, illegal fights and made a dozen bets on guys who ended up losing.
Xxx
"Eventually I got assigned to look into a nasty old lady named Sartana in Miracle City which was in Mexico. By this time the Huntsmen Academies were up and running, accepting plenty of kids to train into top notch Grimm slayers. There was a rumor around there that Lucha Academy, the academy in Mexico had a mole so they sent me to look into it." Stan then looked at Gobbler. "That's how I met Pachita here."
Gobbler's face softened a bit but narrowed her eyes. "We met in a bar we both planned to rob…After the love of my life left me at the altar."
Xxx
BOOM!
"Suckers!" Stan laughed as he ran out of the bar with the cash register, carrying lots of money.
"Hey!"
Turning around, Stan was greeted with the sight of a foot slamming into his face.
"This is my money!" A young and heavily intoxicated Lady Gobbler said as she caught the register. "Nothing like robbing a store to get my mind off its troubles."
"Hey!" Stan jumped to his feet. "That's mine! I stole it first!"
"Oh yeah?" Gobbler asked, stumbling a bit.
"Yeah!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"Oh-Oh…" Gobbler rubbed her head. "What were we talking about again? I-"
Stan grabbed the register and ran off. "Seriously, lady. Grab a coffee."
"Hey!" Gobbler shouted, deploying her wings and taking off after Stan. "Get yourself a coffee!"
Xxx
"You told me he swindled the wedding ring you were going to pawn off after you got dumped." Carmelita looked at her mother.
"He tried to do that after." Gobbler waved off her daughter's confusion. "Any-who, I ended up chasing him all throughout Miracle City. First he stole the register that I stole first."
"As you can see, she's not only losing her hair but also her mind." Stan said, ducking as Gobbler fired a blast at him that hit the wall.
"Keep it up, Stanley and we'll see what you lose in the next five seconds!" Gobbler threatened. "You stole my money-"
"I got to the register first."
"Tried to swipe my wedding ring-"
"You were going to throw it down the sewer."
"Made me go on a rampage through the city."
"You did all the torching! You just wanted an excuse to burn down everything after that cheating ex dumped you." Stan pointed out.
"Then over the next few weeks, to get back at him I find out about the places he was going to rob or con and beat him to it." Gobbler continued.
"Then I started following her and stealing my stuff back." Stan threw in.
"Then I started hunting him down." Gobbler faced Stan. "Stealing my stuff back."
"We ended up in another bar and got into a brawl…" Stan stopped but thought it over. "Wait, we took a break and ended up in the same bar."
Xxx
"I tell you, this chick has been driving me nuts the whole month I've been here!" A drunken Stan said, banging on the table.
"You think you have it rough? This dumb oaf tried to steal my wedding ring!" Pachita said, holding up her hand and pointed at the finger where her ring used to be. "If anyone was going to pawn it off it was going to be me! Hell, the bastard dumped me at the altar without a second thought! Marrage!"
"Tell me about it! I was married once and I'm sure the wife still misses me…" Stan then laughed. "But her aim keeps getting better!"
Pachita threw her head back and laughed. "Sounds like my kind of woman!"
Stan chuckled before taking another shot. "So, love of your life just dumped you like that?"
"Didn't even look back." Pachita said, drinking half the contents of her glass in one gulp. "Left me for some skank named D-D-D-"
Xxx
"Dora?" Carmelita threw in.
"I remembered her name!"
Xxx
"What about you, Mr…" Pachita asked.
"Stan."
"No last name?"
Stan shrugged. "All you're going to get."
"Fine by me." Pachita chuckled. "So, you've been dumped too huh?"
"By pretty much everyone in my life. My old man threw me out of the house cause I wasn't good like my brother. Saying I was a liar…Jokes on him though, he married a liar and she cared more about me!" Stan banged the table with a fist.
"Some people huh?" Pachita shook her head.
"I know right? So what if I accidently screwed up my brother's machine? I didn't mean to do it but one mistake and I get thrown and disowned! My brother doesn't say anything and turns his back on me!" Stan shook his head. "Okay, I made him lose his chance at greatness but he probably still got into a fancy school." Stan mumbled as he lied his head down. "Why am I a screw up? Everyone just gives up on me."
"Sounds like your brother is the screw up." Pachita said, finishing her drink.
"Wh-What?" Stan looked up at her.
"I'm not…a good person but I was taught that family was important." Pachita shook her head. "A father throwing his son out into the street? A brother turning his back on his own flesh and blood for one mistake? People like that…Are worse scum than even villains."
"But…I was the one to screw up." Stan stood up but wobbled a bit, making Pachita grab him. "We were the duo. We had dreams. We had an idea. We had a future."
"Until he wanted something he thought was better." Pachita frowned, knowing the kind of pain he was feeling. "Sounds like he made a mistake as well."
"What could that be?"
"He left you behind. That's the worst crime anyone can do to family." Pachita said. "And the fact he just left you out on the streets like your bastard dad…My dad left my mom and I hope every day he's rotting in the lowest pits of whatever damnation that might exist out there."
Stan almost couldn't believe what he was hearing from this woman. "B-But I-"
"You think it was fair of them to do that?"
"N-No, but-"
"Let me tell you this. Some of the worst crimes out there are not the ones that break whatever stupid laws that might exist. Sometimes they are as easy as standing at the door…and just closing it like that." Pachita said, snapping her fingers as she leaned forward. "And there's nothing no law, police or hero can do about it."
"B-But-"
Stan was cut off as Pachita leaned in and kissed him right on the mouth…Whatever happened afterwards was a complete black blur to them both.
Xxx
"Gross!" The kids winced in disgust and Carmelita herself felt slightly grossed out, listening to the part of her mother and father as they…likely made her.
"So it wasn't a romantic setting. We were both at the lowest points in our lives." Stan shrugged, sharing a small smile with Pachita who smiled back.
Shuddering, Dipper turned to Ford. "What about you? You still get into a fancy school or something?"
"...Not exactly." Ford sighed.