Chapter 18

Azula's song for this chapter is "Unwell" by Matchbox 20.

Raiden approached Azula and knelt in the sand beside her. He spoke softly, and tried to persuade her to stand and walk with him back to Gaishun's tent city, but she didn't respond. Finally, he took her by the shoulders and lifted her, so that she had to stand. Once her feet were under her, he made her step forward. She barely stumbled, and when he tried letting go of her once, she crumpled again.

He didn't know what to do. Overstepping his bounds by touching the Fire Lord was beyond uncomfortable: it was dangerous. He'd seen soldiers dishonorably discharged for less. But how else could he get his monarch out of this desert? She sat on the ground, not even noticing how dirty the sand was making her, her usual fastidiousness gone. He couldn't get over how strange it was to see the vital, mighty firebender so weak and helpless. She was not physically injured at all, though the fight must have left her exhausted. What was wrong with her? Was this the effect of a simple breakup? He had been dumped himself, just the previous night, and he certainly didn't feel like this. She must really love him, he realized, moved. But was heartbreak enough to explain this behavior?

He considered carrying her, and thought he could make it the whole way; she weighed about twice as much as the pack he'd lugged during boot camp, but they had carried two packs for half a mile during their culminating trial. But he decided not to: it would be better for Azula if she walked on her own. He had a sense that the fierce warrior he had seen during her practice would have scorned the idea of being carried like a damsel, and that it was right for him to act as if she were still that person. So, slowly, they walked through the desert, following the trail left by Katara's ice and the Avatar's airball.

About halfway back, Naoki found them and without asking, took her place on Azula's other side. "The Resistance members just left," she informed them.

"Good," Raiden said briefly. He didn't want another confrontation.

"Half the camp is on fire," she went on, unnecessarily. They could see the smoke.

It was an exaggeration, though. When they arrived at the chaotic encampment, the tents–except for the large, central one, which had collapsed, were untouched. The Resistance—Prince Zuko, he supposed—had targeted the sandsailers, probably to ensure a safe getaway.

Fortunately, Takeo had found one of the only crafts that was still whole, a small one, and a sandbender whose chi had not been blocked. He had either bribed or bullied the young man to take the Fire Lord and her guard back to the fort by the Western Oasis. Raiden made a mental note to commend his friend on his resourcefulness.

The journey back through the desert was silent and bleak. The guards had to sit so closely on the small craft that their shoulders and knees touched. Azula slumped between Raiden and Naoki, not even bothering to pull up her hood to shield her face from the sand.

Though they arrived at the fort as night was falling, Raiden decided to go ahead and order the airship pilot to take them back to the Fire Nation immediately. There was no reason to linger here. It felt strange to be the one making decisions, with his commander in chief beside him, mute with shock, but he was clearly the ranking officer. If she didn't take charge, he had to. In front of the other guards, he maintained a pretense that he was fulfilling orders she had given him earlier, and they politely went along with it.

He guided Azula to a seat by the front window, and she leaned on the window, gazing absently at the dry earth below. He shot a worried glance at his monarch, and decided it would be best if he stayed close. He settled into the seat next to her. He knew he was taking a liberty, presuming to such proximity with his ruler, but clearly she could not be left alone. She needs help, the Avatar had said. It was certainly true. Raiden only wished he knew how to fix a broken heart.

Staring down at the arid land, and then the ocean, Azula's mind just kept repeating, he doesn't love me, he's never going to love me. With each repetition, her panic rose, so that it was all she could do to avoid hyperventilating. She had been abandoned, again. Aang was gone, and she was alone. She would always be alone. He wants me to let him go. But I can't. I don't even know how. So she would go on loving him, and he would go on loving the waterbender, forever. She felt stuck, trapped within this contradiction, unable to imagine a future in which she ever escaped.

She didn't notice when she fell asleep, but the next thing she knew, the captain was tapping her shoulder. "We're home," he informed her. He offered her his arm, and she just stared at it. That should be Aang's arm, she thought. They should have flown back together, chatting fondly about their wedding plans the whole time. But it was just the captain. He didn't love her. No one did.

He waited a moment, then sighed, and put his arm around her, to lift her from her seat. Passively, she let him guide her off the airship. But as soon as she stepped down onto the palace grounds, she moved away from him. She could not be seen here touching a guard. She could not be seen by anyone like this.

Her steps slow, her mind still dazed, Azula walked to her room. Then she shut the door behind her, closing herself off from the captain and her other guards. Now she was truly alone. As she would always be.

That was when they came out to torment her.

"You incompetent idiot!" Father thundered. "I have never heard of a more moronic plan!"

"It was a stupid idea from the beginning. He left you for a reason," Mai shook her head, arms crossed.

"You're a monster!" Mother exclaimed, repulsed.

"Aangy doesn't like to be bossed around, 'Zula!" Ty Lee admonished her in a childish voice. "You have to let him decide what to do sometimes!"

"He's too good for you. You're toxic," Mai went on.

Aang was nowhere among her ghosts. It figured. Just when she wanted his calm, sweet voice, it was gone.

"He wanted to take the whip for that girl," Father reminded her, his words dripping with scorn. "He'd rather be tortured, than stay with you."

"Stop, please," she begged, clutching her head.

It didn't stop.

Raiden flinched as Azula closed the door in his face. She hadn't gone into the Fire Lord's chambers, but to her childhood bedroom. Maybe it was just an absentminded mistake, or an attempt to seek comfort in a familiar setting, but her choice disturbed him. It was as if she were silently resigning her position.

New guards stood behind him, fresh ones who had stayed behind at the palace. He recognized Keisatsu, who he knew had previous experience in a high security prison. "Watch her for signs of self-harm," he murmured grimly to the man. He hoped he was just being paranoid, but Azula's near-catatonic state, and some chilling words he'd overheard her say to Aang, made him take the precaution of warning the incoming guard. Keisatsu's eyes widened in surprise, then he nodded with resolve.

After an intercontinental flight, and two straight days on duty without relief, Raiden was nearly dead on his feet. He wanted nothing more than to go back to his empty apartment and sleep. But he did not have only one master. Piandao was expecting him.

His mentor received him in his sitting room, instead of his office, where there was a soft couch, a small indulgence for the tired captain. He served coffee, rather than tea, in recognition of the younger man's exhausted state.

Raiden gulped one cup, then sat with a second one warming his hands while he recounted the adventure: the tense negotiations with Gaishun and Katara, the tent collapse, the waterbender's attack, the fight in the desert, the conversation between Aang and Azula that he had witnessed from afar, the Fire Lord's disturbingly subdued behavior ever since.

The old swordmaster sat in stunned silence for a full minute. Then finally he wiped his face with his hand. "She's worse than I thought," he murmured, staring into space. "More destructive than I imagined. Kidnapping, spy plots, an international conspiracy. She has to be stopped."

Raiden's heart clenched. He knew what that meant: assassination. Probably one he'd be asked to commit himself. "No one was hurt, in the end," he protested.

Piandao shook his head. "A boy kidnapped and dragged across the continent, an alliance with a notorious gang of outlaws, a duel that nearly had deadly results…"

"It wasn't anywhere near as bad as the wars the last three Fire Lords waged, and which the Brotherhood allowed to happen," Raiden pointed out.

"Azula has only been in power for a matter of weeks. This is only the beginning." Piandao warned. "Her fixation on the Avatar is especially alarming."

"She never meant to hurt Aang," the captain objected.

Piandao narrowed his eyes at him, puzzled to hear him refer so informally to the Avatar, so he explained briefly. "We met. He was kind to me. And to her."

"He's a kind man. Too kind," Piandao grumbled.

"I promised the Avatar I'd help Azula," Raiden insisted.

"It's not the Brotherhood's fault if you made a promise you can't keep."

"The Air Nomads were pacifists. Surely their last surviving son wouldn't approve of assassination," the younger man asserted. "I think he still cares about her, even if he didn't want to marry her."

"The Fire Lord has the power to further destabilize the world's balance. Whether Azula retains her office should not be decided based on a single culture's ideals, much less one man's personal attachments."

"The Avatar is the unofficial leader of our Order, isn't he? Shouldn't his opinion outweigh yours?" Piandao pursed his lips, and Raiden knew the older man couldn't deny that was true. He pushed his argument. "Please, just….give me some time. Maybe I can help her turn things around." He knew his vague hope wouldn't be enough to change Piandao's mind, so he appealed to the man's Machiavellian practicality. "And if I fail….I suppose the worst case scenario is just that she stays in this funk forever. But wouldn't that be perfect for you? A Fire Lord who won't protest–won't even notice—as you run her government behind her back? She would be less than a figurehead, less than a puppet: a doll. You'd have all the power you could want, without the mess of a coup."

Piandao gave him a long, appraising look, then inclined his head. "And I was afraid you wouldn't be cunning enough for this position. All right. Try to reform her. Perform a miracle, if you can." Then he narrowed his eyes and pointed his finger. "But one more disaster like this, and she's either a doll or a corpse."

Raiden swallowed and nodded.

Author's Note: Please leave me a review! Thanks for reading!