Chapter 37

Content warning: discussion of infertility.

Although Azula had been serving as Fire Lord for almost two years, she had not had a physical exam from her doctor since the night her father had died. Old Yoroh had to wear her down with messages of increasing urgency over several months, before she finally agreed to set aside an afternoon to see him.

"When are you going to retire, old man?" Azula joked when she saw his bent back and wrinkly hands.

"Oh, I enjoy the practice too much, my lord. I heard that you have been seeing Chibi. I'm eager to see if this attention to your mental health has had a good effect on your body."

She preened a little, proud of her new commitment to self-care. "My training is going better than ever." she bragged.

"I'm happy to hear it, my lord." They ran through the examination, taking her vital signs, which were all very good.

"Have your monthly cycles returned?" he asked euphemistically.

"No." Azula's elite athleticism meant that her menstruation had always been somewhat irregular, but since her coronation it had entirely disappeared. She had assumed the cause was just stress, but now she was in front of a doctor who considered it a symptom of something worse.

"Ah. I anticipated as much. For this reason, I asked Sakari, a waterbending healer, to join us."

Upon hearing the word 'waterbending,' Azula's senses instantly went on high alert. The idea of a waterbender touching her brought her instantly back to the worst night of her life.

Yoroh had to work to persuade her, relating every detail he knew about the healer's background. "Sakari was trained by the best healers of the North Pole, and came here to work with the Fire Nation's elite, who recognize that Water Tribe healers can perform miracles that our science cannot. Using her waterbending, Sakari is able to see inside the body, allowing precise diagnoses of invisible ailments. Since your health is so important to the future of the realm, I thought it necessary to bring the best expert available."

Azula listened, and pouted, and thought about what Aang and Szeto would say. They had trusted waterbenders. What Yoroh said about the future of the realm gave her pause as well–a good ruler would prioritize her country over her own prejudices. She should be brave and overcome her trauma, for the good of her people. Finally, she nodded.

Yoroh invited the girl in, and she looked inoffensive enough: short and squat, not lithe and strong like Katara. Even her dress, hairstyle, skin tone, and accent were different. This reassured the Fire Lord as well.

"It won't hurt at all, my lord," Sakari promised.

Finally, Azula acquiesced, lying down and removing her clothing.

The water covering the healer's hands was cool. She closed her eyes, presumably visualizing the internal structures she was sensing through her bending. Azula followed suit, trying not to think about a waterbender peering underneath her skin. After only a minute or so of examination, the healer frowned, as she waved her hand over the Fire Lord's stomach and hips.

"What is it?" Azula asked, getting a little anxious.

"Your womb is the most….inhospitable I've ever seen."

"Then it is as I feared?" Yoroh asked, his tone more careful.

Sakari nodded.

"What does that mean?" Azula asked.

"You won't be able to bear children," the woman stated flatly.

Azula's immediate reaction was relief. She had always assumed she would have to have babies, but had never really wanted them. The sight of pregnant women made her uncomfortable, frankly, and the assurance that she would never be trapped inside such an awkward and unwieldy body felt incredibly freeing. Now, it felt like her body's irregularity had rescued her from pregnancy, a fate she'd never considered avoidable.

"Are you sure?" she asked, hoping for confirmation.

"Your uterus is riddled with scar tissue." She moved her hand to examine other parts of her abdomen, and her eyebrows raised in alarm. "You have serious internal injuries in other organs as well. They feel like burns."

Azula remembered that night, the lightning attack that had nearly killed her, and the healing that she hadn't asked for.

"Could a lightning strike cause that?" she wondered, her voice hoarse.

"I suppose. I've never examined anyone who survived a lightning strike this severe. Your lifespan will probably be cut short, by a decade, or even two decades."

This troubled her much more than the news about her womb. "Is there nothing you can do?"

"I'm sorry. It would take a healer more skilled than me, and special water from the spirit oasis in the North, to cure an injury like this, if it's possible at all. Maybe it would have been possible if you'd been treated that way immediately…."

Azula lapsed into silence as she contemplated the far-reaching effects of the impulsive decision she'd made on that fateful night. She had lost her fertility and years from her lifetime, all because she had tried to save Aang. She'd done it instinctively, without knowing what it would cost her. Was it worth it? Would she do it again, even knowing the price? Would she trade her legacy for his life?

Yes. Aang was worth it. She didn't regret her action one bit, especially since it also meant that Father was dead and she sat on the throne, where she belonged. As a bonus, she'd never have to bear a child.

But Aang hadn't needed her to save him, after all. He redirected Ozai's lightning, so that the only ones harmed were the two royals, father and daughter caught in an electrifying grasp that neither truly escaped.

She would do it again to save him, but not to waste the effort. She hadn't known he could save himself from Father's lightning, so she had thrown her life away. When they spoke in the desert, he seemed to consider his debt to her paid because he got the waterbender to heal her. She wondered if it would change his feelings if he knew the price she'd paid, and that despite his rejections, she was glad she'd made the sacrifice. Then she shook her head. Probably it would make no difference to him, she judged cynically. Since she didn't really want children anyway, he might even consider she'd done herself a favor in saving him.

Had Katara deliberately left this part of her unhealed? Was that her revenge, to render her rival childless, and make her an unfit partner for the man she had stolen from her? But no, this new waterbending healer had just said that only special water from the spirit oasis could completely cure an injury like this. The damage must simply be that severe. Katara hadn't had much time to work on her, anyway. She had left with Azula's fiance as soon as she revived her.

Ten to twenty years of my life, gone, burned from my insides in an instant by my own father, Azula thought with a shudder. The idea of losing so much life and possibility was incomprehensible. Then she reminded herself that her forebears, Sozin and Azulon, had both lived incredibly long lives. Dying at age 70 or 80 instead of 90 was acceptable. Allowing Father to kill Aang was not. If she only lost two decades from the kind of lifespan that had blessed her less virtuous ancestors, she would still have plenty of time to enjoy Aang's love, and to work out a solution to the problem her infertility created for the throne's succession.

Yoroh jumped in to fill the silence, eager to reassure his monarch. He seemed to have some of the same thoughts. "You are very young, and still unmarried, so you will have years to decide how to handle this issue, my lord. If I am still here when the time comes, my lord, I would be happy to…collaborate in a secret adoption. You could go into confinement, and I could certify that another woman's child is your own."

Azula had zero desire to participate in such a scheme. She didn't really want a child if it were her own, what made him think she'd want one that wasn't hers? However, she certainly understood that an adoption would make things easier as far as determining the next Fire Lord, assuming the secret could be kept.

She nodded absently, glad she did have years to solve the problem. Then she looked sharply at the two healers. "I trust you'll tell no one."

"Yes, my lord," both promised, bowing their heads.

The Fire Lord was late for her afternoon meeting with her agricultural advisors, so the captain went in search of her. He found Azula in the family garden, watching a mother turtle duck teaching several babies to swim.

"How was your check-up, my lord?" Raiden asked heartily, just making conversation.

"She told me I'll never have a child," Azula murmured.

"I'm sorry, my lord," he stammered, stunned at the intensely personal nature of this confidence. Instantly, his mind began gaming out the long term political ramifications of an infertile woman serving as monarch.

She shrugged, though it seemed forced. "I wouldn't care in the least if I weren't Fire Lord. I haven't a single maternal bone in my body."

Raiden recalled that after her showdown with the New Ozai Society, Azula had designated a new distant cousin as her heir. What was his name? Zotaku? Zekanata? He would have remembered if the man had ever come to the palace. It was nearly unbelievable that the Fire Lord had still never met the man who would inherit her throne, especially since it now seemed like his name in her will would not end up being a mere formality, after all.

"You are concerned with your legacy?" he asked.

"Yes. I don't want this country to descend into civil war as soon as I die."

Raiden dredged his memories for times in Fire Nation history when the monarchy had passed to a nephew or cousin without bloodshed, and mentioned a couple.

"Those are rare cases," she scoffed. "I can't stand it if I'm the cause of my family's thousand-year dynasty ending. If I die someday with no children, my distant cousins will squabble among themselves for the crown. That will they made me sign is just a piece of paper, and we know I have at least one relative who's willing to go to extreme measures to gain the throne. Perhaps Zuko or his children will turn up, too, pressing their own claims."

"Most of the times when Fire Lords have died childless, and it led to a succession crisis, it was because they were killed violently before they were able to father children, and the same violence that ended their life was the reason for the upheavals. The unexpected vacuum is what causes power struggles, not the Fire Lord's lack of a son or daughter." Raiden explained. "But the situation doesn't have to be unexpected. You can live a long life, and prepare for a transition that everyone knows about for years. That way, the end of your reign will be peaceful because it will be planned."

"But even if I plan it and choose the right person to be my heir, it will still be the end of my family's line of succession," Azula protested. "Sure, I could lessen the chances of revolution by planning ahead and wisely choosing a strong heir from among the cousins, but none of them have held her family's name for over a hundred years, so even in that case, the dynasty I inherited will die with me, and a new one will begin."

Raiden had been about to congratulate her for the selflessness of her determination not to leave the country in chaos at her death, but this concern with her family name was full of narcissism. He decided to point that out as gently as he could.

"Even if you're the last of your line, history will still remember you as a peacemaker. The name of the dynasty doesn't matter as long as the Fire Lords rule the people with honor."

She nodded thoughtfully, and he was gratified and relieved that she had taken the mild criticism so well.

Then he thought of an easy solution, one that probably undermined what he'd just said. "And besides, you could always require your heir to adopt your own family name."

She brightened. "That's a good idea, Captain. I should tell the lawyer."

Glad that he seemed to have pulled her out of her depressed mood, Raiden continued to build her up, his voice soft. "My lord, we have never had a leader quite like you. You have already broken the mold as Fire Lord in many ways. When it comes time for you to plan your legacy, you will do so again, perhaps in a way that is not yet clear."

She gave that smile that was half smirk, and he knew her confidence had returned.

"That is true, Captain. The crown appreciates your faith."

Raiden paid Piandao his regular visit later that week. They sat in the parlor, sipping tea.

"Any news to report?" Piandao asked.

"Nothing of note," Raiden answered. Despite his mission, he had decided to keep Azula's secret. Piandao would want him to tell, but he could not bring himself to break her trust. It was private medical information, he rationalized, and wouldn't be truly relevant for a long time. Telling anyone this intimate information felt like gossiping at best, passing dirty pictures at worst. It was as if Piandao expected him to invite the entire brotherhood to watch the Fire Lord, a young woman, get a gynecological exam. He refused.

They began discussing an upcoming palace event.

"Will Zeitakuna and his family be invited?" the older man wondered.

That was the heir's name. "No, I don't think they were on the list."

"You would think the Fire Lord would start bringing her official heir to the palace and getting to know him. Especially since she's infertile." Piandao said mildly, lifting his teacup to his lips.

Raiden froze. He blinked, trying to resume his facade. "She is?"

"You knew?" His mentor saw through his lie. "And you didn't report it to me?"

Raiden sighed. "She told me in confidence. I figured it won't matter for at least a few years anyway."

"I got you that position so that you would keep me informed," Piandao reminded him sternly.

"It was private. How did you find out, anyway?"

"We paid off the waterbending healer," he admitted with a shrug.

Raiden shook his head in disgust at the healer's lack of ethics. "The Order doesn't need to know things like that, not even about the Fire Lord." he declared.

"Where are your loyalties, Captain? With the Order, or with Azula?" Piandao pushed.

"With my own conscience," the captain asserted, lifting his chin. "Faithfulness to one's individual conscience is the first vow we take in the Order."

"I know. I understand the judgment call you made, and perhaps I would have made the same one, even if I weren't in love with her. It's true that the time horizon on this particular issue is quite wide." Piandao admitted, causing Raiden to calm down a bit. The younger man didn't bother to jump in to deny his feelings, though, which escaped neither's notice. The sword master went on. "But I do need to know where your individual conscience is leading you, Raiden. If I gave you arsenic—"

"There's no reason for you to do that!" he objected, panic rising at the thought. "Even less than there was when she began. She's improving! She really is. She hasn't even considered any kind of violence since that misadventure in the desert. I don't count the Agni Kai; that was tradition, and she was the one who suggested non-lethal rules. She's truly turned herself into a model ruler, a force for peace and harmony in the world."

"That's true enough. And I don't necessarily want an operative who's willing to commit coldblooded murder for no good reason." Piandao admitted. "But if the situation with the Fire Lord changed—"

"Then I could influence her. I already have influenced her. The Szeto initiative was my idea!" Raiden argued.

"It seems to me that she might have influenced you. I'm more worried that your conscience might become inappropriately flexible under pressure from a pretty girl."

"She doesn't pressure me, and my values haven't changed since I got promoted. It's just that…Look, influence works two ways. I wouldn't be able to persuade her of anything if I didn't…connect with her somehow. And that means my own feelings are involved. That's inevitable. I'm a man, not a robot, and you knew that when you put me in this role." Raiden stood and prepared to take his leave. "I hope you'll understand if I ask you not to expect updates from me anymore."

"Excuse me?" The swordmaster gaped at his young protege.

"I'll tell you if I want support, and I'd be happy to come and have tea with you, but I won't be informing on the Fire Lord anymore. I'm sorry if that means you have to kick me out of the Order." He wondered if taking this stand might cost him his position—Piandao had gotten him the job and presumably could take it away—but since earning the Golden Arrow for a well-publicized bit of heroism, he felt safe enough to take his chances.

Piandao sighed and stood as well. "I'm not going to kick you out of the Order."

"You're not?"

"The White Lotus is a pluralistic, multicultural organization devoted to world peace and the balance of the elements. If we couldn't accommodate disagreement over tactics and strategies, we would have fallen apart centuries ago."

"Then…you're not disappointed?"

"I'm content to have a man I trust in the Fire Lord's inner circle, even if he won't be my eyes and ears. Because everything you say is true. The likelihood that we'll need a dramatic intervention is low, partly because of your good work. I trust you to come to me if you ever need help. I calibrated that conscience of yours myself, after all." Piandao gave a wry, proud smile. Then he turned stern and fretful. "But you admit that your feelings are involved, and that worries me. I don't want to see your heart broken."

Raiden almost rolled his eyes. "My heart is safe. Azula is never even going to notice me."

Piandao shook his head. "You underestimate yourself."

The captain decided to accept the compliment, rather than continuing to argue. "Thank you, sir. May I still come for tea next week?" he ventured to ask.

"Of course, son."

Author's Note: As of July 1, 2023, this chapter has been edited from the previous version that was initially posted on June 16, 2023.

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