Chapter 38
Content warning: discussion of past domestic violence, and forceful repression of nonviolent political protest.
Summer was the Fire Nation's best season, the time of year when the country and its people were most connected to their element. The long days gave them extra time to celebrate and enjoy themselves outdoors, feeling the sun's fire calling to them.
But Fire Lord Azula had spent nearly the entire season stuck inside the palace walls, except for her daily training sessions. She was so overwhelmed with meetings and lessons that she never left the palace grounds once. Her urgency to reform the country allowed her no time to rest. The only bright spot was her 22nd birthday on the summer solstice, when she took a few hours' break from her usual punishing routine. Her mother, stepfather, and half-sister came in from Hira'a to share a dinner and watch fireworks from a palace balcony. The following day she was back to the grind.
Captain Raiden noticed his monarch languishing, and realized the feeling was contagious. He felt claustrophobic and stir-crazy himself. Sure, it was easier to provide security to the Fire Lord from within her walled compound, but he had joined the army in the hopes of seeing far-flung destinations. He counted the months and realized he hadn't been stationed in a single location for so long since he first joined up. It was hard to believe the summer was almost gone, and it had all been wasted on work.
Azula sighed as she put aside another minister's report, the fifth she had read in one afternoon.
"You seem listless, my lord," Raiden ventured to comment.
"I suppose I am," she admitted, with a longing glance out the window. "But there's so much to do!"
"You've been working exceptionally hard. I don't think you've had a day off in over a year," he pointed out.
"Of course I haven't. The nation cannot run itself," she replied indignantly.
"Surely your ministers can be trusted to do their jobs in your absence for a weekend. The summer is nearly over. You should enjoy it before it's gone," he hinted.
She frowned at him. "What are you suggesting, Captain?"
"A vacation, my lord." Her brow furrowed, and he took the chance to argue his case. "The country is in a much better place than it was months ago, thanks to your dedication. As far as security goes, your guard can travel with you, and besides, the rebellious movements against you have nearly disappeared. You'll return refreshed, full of energy that you can throw into your important work. You deserve to have some fun, my lord."
Fun, Azula thought to herself, as if making sense of a foreign concept. The word reminded her of Aang. The airbender always used to seize any moment to relax and enjoy himself, despite his captivity and his strenuous training regimen. He would dance, sing, make dumb jokes, or simply lie back in the sun, delighting in simple pleasures. To make herself into a fit partner for him, she would have to learn to appreciate such pointless diversions.
The idea grew more appealing the more she thought about it. The captain was correct that much of her work was not urgent, and her cabinet could handle things for a couple of days. Security was no longer a major concern. Past Fire Lords had taken vacations routinely. Her father and grandfather had gone on annual trips to the coast. That was why they had built the family beach house on Ember Island. Memories of playing in the sand with Zuko as a child, and lounging under umbrellas with Mai and Ty Lee came to mind, filling her with nostalgia.
"That's not a bad idea, Captain. Let's go to the beach."
Within the hour, they were packing, making ready to take an airship to the vacation home that very day. Raiden chose five guards to accompany them; Joshu and Peony were also included in the group.
The captain found Azula stuffing a leather cases with scrolls. He emboldened himself and took them out of her hands.
"My lord, please put these down," he insisted, setting them down on top of her desk. At her quizzical, offended look, he explained. "You don't just need a vacation from the palace. You need a break from being Fire Lord."
She paused, reconsidering, then nodded thoughtfully. "I think you're right, Captain. In order to make the most of this time away, I should leave behind all of the trappings of power, and pretend to be a mere tourist." She plucked the crown off her head and placed it on top of the papers. Her face broke out into a grin when she noticed how light her head felt without the golden flame emblem. "That's much better."
"Now you're getting into the spirit of it, my lord!" Raiden exclaimed, delighted.
The contrast between his formal address and joyful tone struck her as somehow off for the first time. "My lord" and "vacation" did not go together. Mai and Ty Lee had never called her "Princess" or stood on ceremony with her, and she suddenly realized she craved that casual familiarity, at least for the length of this trip.
Azula put her hands on her hips, and spoke with a mock scolding tone. "Excuse me, Captain. If I'm on vacation from my position, you should not address me that way. Call me Azula."
His eyebrows shot up to his hairline and he caught his breath. "All right. Azula." He tested out her name, and swallowed, before pushing it a step further. "If you're not Fire Lord, then I'm not your captain."
"Of course you're not, Raiden," she answered easily. "Not while we're on vacation."
"And the other guards as well," he added, to make it all feel less personal. "We'll be there to protect you in case of emergency, of course, but we can do that while on a temporary first name basis."
"Very well. You may have to remind me of some of their names, though."
The airship arrived at the beach house just as the sun set. Li and Lo, the old servants of the royal family, greeted them. "Welcome to Ember Island, kids."
Raiden and Takeo glanced at each other, surprised at that word. They were all adults, and had served their country for the better part of a decade, but they supposed that to ladies as old as Li and Lo, people in their twenties might as well be children.
The ancient twins continued. "Ember Island is a magical place. Keep an open mind."
"Give it a chance. It can help you understand yourselves and each other." Li intoned wisely.
"The beach has a special way…" Lo went on.
"Of smoothing even the most ragged edges." The other old lady finished her twin's sentence. It seemed to be a practiced schtick.
"Whatever you say, Lo," Azula rolled her eyes. She always found such metaphorical talk tedious.
"I'm Li," objected the old woman.
"That's what I said. Good night." She claimed the biggest bedroom and closed the door.
The others went to bed in the overdecorated rooms, resting from their flight and getting ready for a day of sun and sand.
In the morning, Azula led her entourage down the steps to the beach, which was already full of young people enjoying the last weekend of summer. They didn't salute or cheer when the Fire Lord appeared, which she found disconcerting. But then she remembered that today she was just another beachgoer. She wasn't wearing her crown. She clearly resembled the country's leader, but no one expected to see the Fire Lord in a red bathing suit on Ember Island, so her identity never occurred to them. Her signature haircut had become so popular in the Fire Nation that it actually helped her to blend in. It would be interesting to see how people would react to her if she were just another regular citizen.
Seeing her guards out of uniform was strange. Their bulky jackets usually made them look exactly the same, but now the differences in their bodies were clear. Naoki's bikini showed off her surprisingly voluptuous figure; the contrast with her normal shape made her wonder if she usually wore tight bindings on her chest to fit in the boxy uniform. Takeo revealed one arm full of tattoos. Raiden wore an open sleeveless shirt over his swimming trunks, and she noticed the straight black hair on his chest. Inexplicably, her fingers itched to stroke it. Then she thought of Aang, whose smooth chest suddenly seemed a bit less manly.
Azula found an empty patch of sand, and the guards arranged the towels, umbrellas, and their other belongings. Peony offered to rub some lotion into her back to protect her skin from the sun, and she accepted. The Fire Lord breathed in the sea air with satisfaction. She watched the children building sculptures out of sand, and the teenagers swimming in the waves. She should get out among her people more often. Seeing them like this, enjoying the prosperity she had created for them, had already nourished and motivated her.
She heard a loud cheer and looked to the side. Eight young people were playing a game of kuai ball. One team scored a point and began cheering a fight song common on the Fire Nation ships that patrolled the Mo Ce Sea. From their tattoos, and the insignia on their towels, she could tell they served in the navy.
"Sailors," Takeo murmured with a hint of disdain. The other guards snickered in agreement. They all continued to watch the game with interest, as the ball zoomed back and forth over the net.
The army and navy had always had a bit of a rivalry, Azula knew. She mostly saw it play out in disputes between generals and admirals over funding. But apparently it filtered down to the lowest ranks, as the guards' responses to the sailors' mere presence on the beach made clear. As Fire Lord, she always tried to remain neutral, since she needed both branches to serve her faithfully. But she wasn't Fire Lord today, and she was traveling with army servicemen who were her particularly loyal daily protectors.
The sailors scored another point with a fast spike; the ball sprayed sand in the face of the girl who had taken a dive to try to save it. Chest bumps and cheers ensued.
"Let's challenge those navy goons after they win," Azula suggested impulsively. The guards grinned and exchanged excited hand slaps at the idea. Raiden went over to talk to the kaui ball players.
After a few more points, the game ended, and the sailors waved them over.
Azula chose Raiden and Takeo to play, and the captain suggested Naoki to round out their team of four. The other guards, along with Joshu and Peony, formed a cheering section on the sideline. The Fire Lord gathered in a huddle with her three guards, assuming her natural role as team leader. "Naoki, you're on the back line. Raiden, you're tall, so stay on the net. Block when you can, and set us up to spike. Takeo and I can use a bit of firestepping to get extra height and slam the ball into the sand."
It was a close, hard fought match, with lots of trash-talking on both sides. The sailors and soldiers all felt they were defending the honor of their branch of the service, lending them urgency.
Nevertheless, the sailors were not as skilled as the army team. They lacked Raiden's devastatingly accurate aim, Takeo's strong arm, and Azula's speed and intensity. The Fire Lord's team pulled ahead.
When they were within a point of victory, Azula announced, "Let's make the game a bit more interesting." With a sweep of her hand, she set the net on fire. The other team gaped, either intimidated or weirded out.
Raiden served, and the sailors rallied to return the ball. Takeo passed it up to Azula at the net. With a boost from Raiden, she jumped and spiked, the ball trailing flames. It struck the sand and the game was over. Cheers erupted from the spectating guards, as the four players hugged and shouted in triumph.
"Go back to your ship, sailors! This beach belongs to the army!" the Fire Lord crowed, as the net disintegrated. Onlookers who had hoped to play next groaned at the destruction of the equipment, and Joshu quietly paid them off to keep them from starting trouble.
"I hope your commanding officers don't find out how thoroughly we have humiliated you, or you may be subject to discipline," Azula continued to gloat.
"You're making them feel bad," Raiden muttered to her, and she noticed how the defeated sailors' shoulders slumped. She frowned at herself, and walked over to them, extending a hand to their best player.
"You were worthy opponents, and you serve our country honorably, though with less skill and panache than my teammates and I do. Therefore you are welcome to join us at my beach house for a party tonight. Invite your friends. Festivities will begin at dusk."
The sailors looked a bit happier, and nodded acceptance of the guards exchanged glances with each other, and Joshu looked especially alarmed at hearing for the first time about this party.
Azula noticed their expressions as she rejoined them and shot them a puzzled glance. "What's the problem? Li and Lo can cook enough to feed everyone." Then she walked away, into the water.
The Fire Lord clearly expected her underlings to jump into action with the same blithe equanimity of her spontaneous invitation, while she remained utterly oblivious to how much work she'd just created for them. It was typical of her royal entitlement. Raiden convened a quick meeting to assign everyone tasks, to ensure the impromptu party's success. Takeo would go into town to buy a keg of beer and find a band to play, while Naoki and Joshu spread the word on the beach, inviting more young people. Peony would go back to the house to inform Li and Lo, and decorate. Raiden and the other guards stayed on the beach, swimming near Azula or watching their belongings.
Despite the party's short notice, the Fire Lord's staff pulled everything together like the professionals they were. Li and Lo covered one table with finger foods, and another with beverages and cocktail mixers. The band tuned their instruments in the corner more skillfully than anyone expected, given that they'd been hired at the last minute. Peony helped Azula to dress in a wrap skirt, red tube top and gold statement necklace.
Dusk came and went, without anyone showing up at the door.
Azula paced anxiously in the entrance hall. "Isn't anyone coming?" she wondered aloud.
Takeo and Naoki exchanged glances. "The sun only just went down," the female guard pointed out. "Most people don't come to a party at the exact time it begins."
"That is unacceptable," Azula huffed. "Punctuality is important, even for informal gatherings." She continued pacing.
The first guests showed up a half hour later. With a big, bright, semi-forced smile, Azula led them into the buffet and offered them food. She hovered close by, watching them nibble on hors'd'ouevres.
A few more people started to trickle into the house, so that by nine it was half full. The band played well, but people were standing in small, awkward groups, and the room seemed uncomfortably big and empty.
This is a terrible party, Azula realized. She had an urge to get in someone's face and demand to know what the problem was.
You can't command people to have fun, Aang would have told her.
She stood there puzzling, trying to figure out what the airbender would have done to invigorate this party. It would have been effortless for him, with his charisma and charm. People naturally followed him. Azula had never had that quality, and that was why she always had to lead by making threats. Now that she had made it her mission to be a different kind of leader, she depended on persuading people that her plans were good, and it was in their best interest to cooperate with them. But even that might not have worked if she hadn't had the inborn authority of the crown.
A new song started, one with a faster beat.
Aang loved dancing, she remembered. Every time he heard music, and sometimes when he didn't, he would dance. His body moved gracefully, irresistibly calling others to join him. She recalled some of his fluid movements, and the way he always made everyone around him happier, without even trying.
Determined to act as her beloved would, Azula moved out into the center of the room and started doing a dance Aang had called the camel-elephant strut.
"What is she doing?" Naoki whispered to Raiden, her voice horrified and nearly frantic.
"I have no idea," he answered, his eyes wide and his whole body tense from resisting the urge to cringe in sympathetic humiliation. It made no sense that the usually graceful Fire Lord looked so ridiculous trying to dance. When she practiced firebending or gymnastics, her body moved with effortless finesse. Perhaps the difference was that now she was too concerned with how she looked while dancing, and it showed.
"People are going to start pointing and laughing soon." Naoki fretted.
"They would have already, except they're still trying to figure out what's going on." Takeo put in.
There was nothing else Raiden could do to save Azula from her own inept moves. He walked out onto the floor and took a place next to her, a little behind, and began imitating her. The only difference between a crazy, foolish-looking dance and a flash mob is numbers, he thought grimly. He shot a sharp glance to Naoki and Takeo. With a roll of their eyes, they reluctantly joined. With smiles, fake laughs, and extra-jaunty gestures, the three guards sold the dance, and even managed to make it look cool.
Before long, a few more people joined, beginning with Peony, Joshu, and the sailors from the kuai ball game on the beach. By the time the song was over, half the room had begun dancing. When a new song began, the young people stayed on the floor.
With satisfaction, Raiden noted that Azula was looking around the room with pride at the others who were enjoying the music. She's congratulating herself, he realized. And she does deserve some credit for getting the dancing started. The party is a lot more fun now.
Takeo elbowed him. "You deserve another medal for that rescue, but I don't think you'll be getting one. She thinks she did this by herself."
Raiden laughed. "You're right. At the least, we've earned another beer." They headed back toward the keg.
After a while, Azula took a break from dancing, rewarding herself for being the perfect hostess with a glass of wine. She looked around at the young people enjoying themselves and congratulated herself on pulling together such a delightful party.
As the night wore on, Azula noticed couples pairing off, chatting cozily or even kissing in corners. They made her wistfully think of Aang, and then resentfully of the waterbender. What did she do to win him? Azula figured there must be some skill she lacked, something missing or wrong about her. If she was honest with herself, she had to admit that it wasn't only Aang: no other guy had ever been attracted to her either. It couldn't be her looks. Azula knew she had a pretty face, and an excellent figure. She assumed no one had ever expressed interest in her because she had been crown princess, beyond the reach of any except approved suitors. Men were too afraid to approach her without her father's blessing, and now that she was Fire Lord, she was even more untouchable. It was as if her crown had unsexed her. She had cultivated that intimidating quality, the better to wield power, but now it made others treat her as if she were a villain to be feared. It isolated her.
She remembered Ty Lee's facility with men, the way the acrobat had picked them up effortlessly. Practically everything she said was a flirtation. That's it. Azula realized. I don't know how to flirt.
"Naoki," she pulled the girl into a corner, away from onlookers. "Tell me, how does one flirt?"
Naoki laughed, then, a beat later, caught Azula's steely eye, and drew herself up short. "Oh, you're serious. You don't…." She looked down, then to the side, a little lost, then squared her shoulders, resigning herself to giving her monarch a lesson in romance. "Well, um, there are many ways to flirt. It's like…." She looked up, searching for a metaphor, and finding one in the previous day's activity. "Kuai ball. Except the point isn't to score by making the other person miss. The point is to keep the ball going back and forth as long as you can."
"That sounds like a boring game," Azula objected.
"Well, yes, cooperative kuai ball wouldn't be very fun to watch or play," Naoki acknowledged diplomatically. "But what if both sides are trying to impress each other by doing tricks as they hit the ball?"
"That would be somewhat more interesting," Azula admitted. "Then what are the tricks? The moves?"
"You could give a compliment. Say something nice about what the guy's wearing, or something he did or said. He might compliment you back, and you have to know how to accept a compliment. Just say thank you, and let it make you feel good. Smile. You can make jokes. Find something to laugh at together." Naoki advised. Then she pursed her lips, and began issuing cautions. "Just don't act more interested than you really are, or you'll never get rid of the guy. And don't come on too strong, either. You don't want to scare a guy off by getting too serious too quickly. Like talking about getting engaged when you just met."
"That's a lot of things to remember not to do…." Azula grumbled. "What should I do instead?"
"You could touch yourself." Azula's eyes widened, and Naoki laughed at her. "Not like that, silly. Just touch your own face, shoulder, arm, hair." Naoki ran her fingers over her mane, jawline, and bicep, a move Azula had to admit looked sultry and alluring. "Like you're modeling for him, showing him all the places his own hand could touch you, if he's bold enough. You can touch the guy, too, if he seems open to it. Like this," Naoki laid her hand on Azula's shoulder, and trailed it down her arm, demonstrating. She went on. "The most important thing is your posture. Be open to the other person. Don't be scary or threatening. I know it's hard when you're a girl doing a man's job. The way you have to act to be a soldier, or to be Fire Lord, is almost opposite to the way a lot of guys want a girlfriend to act."
"Weak guys," Azula sneered.
"Probably," Naoki's head tilted to the side in amused acquiescence. "The most important thing for you will be to remember that you're equals."
"Equals?" Azula's nose wrinkled in distaste. "But they're not." She was sure that Aang was the only man who could ever be her equal.
"Pretend, then." Naoki amended. "Remember, you're on vacation. You're not Fire Lord here. You're just Azula."
"Right," Azula nodded. "That's supposed to help me have fun."
"Exactly!" Naoki grinned encouragingly. "Flirting is supposed to be fun! Don't be anxious about it, or it won't work."
"It's a lot to remember," A wrinkle appeared between the Fire Lord's eyebrows. She sounded doubtful.
"Here, try it with me. Pretend I'm a cute guy," Naoki urged.
"Ok." She searched the other girl for something to compliment her on, and her eyes settled on the high, pointed collar of her shirt. "That's a sharp outfit, Naoki. Careful. You could puncture the hull of an empire-class Fire Nation battleship, leaving thousands to die at sea." Naoki's face looked blank, so she explained the joke. "Because it's so sharp."
The girl gaped at her a moment, so that Azula had to prod her for a reaction to her flirtation.
"That was good, right? I made a joke!"
"Maybe jokes are….kind of an advanced move," Naoki ventured diplomatically. "It's easy to make a bad joke that's insulting, or too aggressive, or just….off. So instead you could just focus on laughing at his jokes."
Azula frowned, then tested a loud, fake laugh, mouth open wide. A few people looked over at her.
Naoki cringed. "No need to exaggerate your laugh. A pretty little titter is enough. You don't want to make a guy think he's funnier than he really is."
"Am I bad at this?" the Fire Lord wondered, dismayed. She had never been truly bad at anything.
"No! Just be yourself!" the other girl insisted.
If that worked, I'd be married now, Azula thought to herself. She sighed. Anyway, if she learned to flirt now, she would know what to do when she saw Aang again. Tonight would be good practice. She turned from the girl and scanned the room. "Care to suggest a target?"
"Raiden." She pointed decisively to her friend.
"Very well," Azula nodded. The captain was attractive, agreeable, and trustworthy. If her heart didn't belong to Aang, she might have chosen Raiden for a dalliance long ago. She had never done anything so frivolous, of course, but she was on vacation. It was the perfect time for frivolity. Raiden would be an excellent mark. After all, she needed practice, so that the next time she saw Aang, she would know what to do.
The captain stood near the wall with his drink, watching the other partygoers. It was almost as if he were on duty. Well, as hostess, it was Azula's job to make sure he had fun.
She walked up to Raiden and took a place beside him. They looked out at the party together for a moment.
"The evening turned out rather well, didn't it," she observed.
"Yeah, I think everyone's having a good time."
"It was fun dancing with you earlier. You're a good dancer."
"I couldn't let you dance alone."
"And the kaui ball game was incredibly exciting. I enjoyed dominating those sailors with you."
He almost spit out his beer. "You are very….dominant."
"We make an excellent team," she went on blithely, not noticing the innuendo.
"Indeed," he breathed.
"That shirt is very well made." She stroked a single finger down the center seam. "When it's open like that, your abdomen shows to good advantage."
Raiden's mouth was suddenly dry, and his stomach muscles tensed at the hint that she had noticed them. He said a quick prayer of gratitude for the Crescent Island market stall where he'd bought the shirt. "Thanks." He contemplated taking the shirt off and offering it to her for half a second, but decided against it. Instead, he took in the sight of her, feasting his eyes in a way he never would have done back in the palace. Her usually straight hair had fallen into waves that his hand ached to touch. He had a rare opportunity to comment on her beauty, and he took it. "The salt from the sea made your hair kind of curl. It looks great like that." The compliment sounded silly as soon as it was out of his mouth, but she didn't seem to mind.
"Thank you." Remembering Naoki's advice, Azula fluffed it a little and ran her fingers through it. The move seemed to have the intended effect: Raiden's eyes followed her hand, as if imagining his own doing the same thing. "My crown seemed a bit too formal for the beach," she explained. Then she remembered that she shouldn't be reminding him of her position, she was supposed to be pretending to be his equal. "Of course, I'm not Fire Lord here."
He grinned. "Right. You're just the prettiest girl at the party."
She blinked, then smiled, pleased. "And you are….quite attractive as well, Captain. I mean, Raiden." She emboldened herself, and set her hand on his bicep.
He glanced down at her hand, then narrowed his eyes at her, "Are you flirting with me, Azula?" Her hand dropped, and eyes widened, as if she'd been caught. He grinned and stepped a little closer. "It's ok if you are. I've been flirting back, in case you didn't notice."
She relaxed. "Oh. All right then. We're flirting. It's fun, isn't it?
"Very," he agreed.
They stood there, smiling at each other for a moment, both unsure where to go next with their mutually acknowledged flirtation. Azula wanted to remain true to her love for Aang, so she couldn't go too far, and Raiden had no idea how seriously to take the Fire Lord's advances during this holiday from normal life.
Luckily, Takeo chose that moment to interrupt them, so that they didn't have to decide.
"C'mon! Everybody's going down to the beach!" He clapped them both on the shoulder, and then moved on to urge another group of young people to go to the dunes. The pair followed the crowd.
On the starlit beach, people were stripping to bathing suits or underwear and hopping into the waves. Azula didn't feel like getting in the water, so she started a bonfire with some driftwood instead. The three guards sat down with her around it, a bit buzzed, exhausted from a long day playing in the sun, and pulling together a successful party. Their bonfire was somewhat isolated from the other partygoers, who were swimming or walking along the surf; occasionally sounds of their faraway laughter drifted up to them.
"So you used to come here with your family, Azula?" Takeo asked, trying to make conversation.
"Yes," she answered shortly, hoping they would pick another topic.
"Lots of happy memories?" The guard prodded her, not taking the hint.
"Not really." Since reuniting with her mother and starting therapy, Azula had begun to recall many disturbing scenes from her childhood that she must have repressed. The others stayed quiet, and she supposed they expected her to elaborate.
"Once, when my brother Zuko was very little, just learning to swim, Father got annoyed with his clinging, and threw him out to sea, to sink or float. Mother jumped in and saved him from drowning. Father yelled at her for it. She ran away with Zuko and locked him in the bedroom with her, and Father beat Li and Lo instead. I hid and watched, wondering why Mother didn't bring me with her, and protect me as well."
"Everyone's family is messed up. It's just a question of more or less." Takeo began, philosophically. "Want to know what my mom said to me when I left for the front in the Earth Kingdom?" He took Naoki's face in his hands, demonstrating an intimate pose that contrasted with the shocking words he said next. "Come back to me victorious, my son, or come back to me in an urn." It was not an unusual sentiment for a sendoff, especially among military families like Takeo's, thanks to the Fire Nation's honor culture. "Death before dishonor" was a common motto.
"At least you made it back. My brother didn't." Naoki pulled away from her friend, and wrapped her arms around her knees. "He was five years older than me. Killed in the forty-first regiment, almost twelve years ago now." Azula recalled the circumstances with a start: General Bujing's cannon fodder, the new recruits that thirteen-year-old Zuko had tried to save, only to get burned and banished for his trouble. "He was always the favorite. With him gone, I tried to step into his shoes. That was the main reason I joined up. But there's still this void at home. Nothing I do can ever fill it."
"My mom favored my brother as well," Azula commiserated. Her anecdote had thoroughly spoiled the mood, and now they were all wallowing together. "She tells me now she was just trying to make up for the way Father bullied Zuko, but I don't believe her. The truth is, my own mother thought I was a monster. She was right, of course, but it still hurt."
Naoki made a disbelieving sound, and Raiden shook his head. "You're not–" he began, but the Fire Lord cut him off.
"Father encouraged Zuko and me to fight each other, and never to hold back. He thought it would make us both stronger. It worked for me, but not for him. I always won. Zuzu gave up too easily. Even after he yielded, Father wouldn't let me stop until I hurt him." She looked away from the flames, and into the guards' faces, pushing away her embarrassment at revealing so much. She lifted her chin and minimized her family's darkness. "It's not a sob story like yours. I'm not complaining. Surely you all witnessed equally terrible things in your service."
Raiden swallowed, and told his own story. "On the day of Sozin's comet, I was a 17-year-old recruit on my first tour, stationed on Crescent Island. That's where the shrine for Avatar Roku is, and the Fire Temple. One of the Fire Sages had set himself up in the middle of the town square. He lit a ceremonial flame, and as the comet passed overhead, he threw flowers and incense into it, singing a song in a language I'd never heard before. My commanding officer decided this was the most offensive display he'd ever seen, and wanted us to make him stop. He ordered us to put out the flames with water and dirt." Using both elements to snuff out a fire had symbolic meaning. A blaze that was quenched this way was more than obliterated: it had never existed. "Then he told us to arrest the Fire Sage, which seemed like a huge overreaction to me. This guy wasn't hurting anyone. I protested, got reprimanded for it, and then obeyed." The heat from the campfire made his face red, blending with his blush of shame for following that order.
"Did the Fire Sage get hurt?" Naoki asked tentatively.
Raiden shook his head. "He didn't resist. I wasn't the one to put the handcuffs on him. But I didn't try to prevent it. I went along with it."
"You didn't have a choice," Takeo murmured.
"There's always a choice," the captain insisted. He ventured a glance at Azula, then went on. "Later, I visited the Fire Sage in prison. He told me his name was Shyu, and explained his protest. He burned the incense in solidarity with the Fire Sages Sozin executed when he dissolved the elected Assembly and seized absolute power, and the flowers in memory of the Air Nomad genocide." Raiden knew speaking this way was a risk, because of the implied criticism of the Fire Lord's ancestors, and, indeed, of the entire absolutist system, but something about the firelight illuminating the darkness made him want to take the chance. He continued. "The song he was singing was a funeral dirge from the Western Air Temple. Shyu was also motivated by his passionate objection to Avatar Aang's captivity and Fire Lord Ozai's plans to use the comet's power to conquer more territory in the Earth Kingdom. He was hoping to create a spectacle, to capture people's attention, and hopefully to change their minds about the ongoing war. But his fire was more than a protest: it was a spiritual practice, one that we profaned. Shyu and I talked a long time about all of these issues, and he kind of turned my world upside down. When I understood why he burned that fire, and how my obedience to my orders had ruined his prayerful protest, it—well, it made me rethink a lot of things." The incident had been the impetus for his eventually joining the White Lotus, but he couldn't say that.
For a few long minutes, they all stared into the fire, imagining the ceremonial flame that had been put out so disrespectfully.
"Let's confess happier things instead," Naoki suggested abruptly, trying to change the mood. "Everybody say how many people you've kissed." Raiden rolled his eyes at her. Whenever she was drunk, she always wanted to talk about this kind of thing.
"Three," Takeo answered easily. He knew that it was necessary to humor Naoki when she got like this. Protests would only invite teasing, so it was best to give her the dirt, and get it over with.
Raiden blushed, somewhat ashamed to answer honestly in front of Azula. "I'm not really sure. Two dozen? Three dozen?"
"What about you, Naoki?" Takeo elbowed her, to take the attention off his embarrassed friend.
"Eight," Naoki replied nonchalantly, then glanced at Azula expectantly.
"One." The Fire Lord looked down. Surely they all knew who. Each of Aang's kisses played back in her mind. All of them but one, she had asked him to perform. He had initiated that last kiss, but given subsequent events, she had wondered if it had been a conscious (and partly successful) attempt on his part to fool her, to help him get away cleanly.
"And how recent have those kisses been?" Naoki went on with the inquisition. "For me, four months."
"About four weeks," Takeo replied easily, taking another swig of his beer.
"Almost two years. It was supposed to be my wedding night…." Azula stared off into the horizon, wondering where Aang was at that moment.
Naoki threw a comforting arm around the Fire Lord's shoulders, surprising her out of her melancholy. She offered the last sip of her beer, and Azula finished it. "You, Raiden?" The female soldier grinned knowingly at her commanding officer.
"No one since Akane," he admitted grudgingly.
"It's been over a year and a half since you two broke up. Why such a long dry spell? You used to really get around." Naoki pushed, feigning innocence.
"Haven't found anyone interesting," he answered gruffly.
She ignored his glare. "Oh, that can't be true! Isn't it more that you haven't found anyone attainable?"
"No one who was both interesting and attainable. Also, I'm busy. Would you drop it?" he nearly growled.
Naoki held her hands up in surrender. "I'm tired. Takeo, will you walk me back to the house?" With a pointed glance at Raiden, she left him alone with the Fire Lord. His eyebrows went up when he saw his two friends join hands. When did that happen? he wondered.
"Naoki and Takeo are nice," Azula commented.
"Yes, they are. We've been friends since boot camp."
"You're quite a tight little group. Seeing you with your friends, and just being here on Ember Island—I'm reminded of my old friends Mai and Ty Lee. We used to vacation here together."
"Oh?" He smiled at her, open to her confidences.
"I've been talking about them with Chibi. I guess I just….I miss them," the Fire Lord admitted. "Now that they're gone, and Aang's gone, I don't really have any friends. Only employees." During this weekend at the beach, she had been able to pretend the young people surrounding her were friends, but it was just an illusion, one that would make it even harder to return to the loneliness of palace life.
"I could be your friend," Raiden offered, leaning forward.
"That's kind of you." Azula forced her lips up into a polite, but empty little smile. She didn't believe he meant it. And even if he did, it wasn't as if she could rely upon a bond as fickle as friendship. There was something wrong with her: she always drove people away. Mai and Ty Lee had left her for good reasons. Eventually, her captain would, too. "I don't think I'm a very good friend. Good night, Raiden." She walked up the steps to the beach house.
The next morning, they boarded the airship to fly back to the palace. Raiden was still puzzling over his final exchange with the Fire Lord from the previous night. It had felt like she had rejected his offer of friendship, but when he recalled her exact words, he realized she hadn't truly answered at all. She had spoken disparagingly of herself, not of him, as if she wished to spare him the ordeal of her friendship, even though it had been his idea. He could not make sense of it.
Regardless, the casual ease of the idyllic island vacation was over, and they had to return to normal life. The captain felt refreshed by the trip, but at the same time, the brief escape from the palace had made its formality seem more restricting than ever.
The airship landed in the palace courtyard. The guards stood to disembark, but the Fire Lord remained seated, looking out her window, as if reluctant to reenter her home.
"We've landed, my lord." Raiden called Azula to attention so that she could be the first through the door.
She looked up at him and frowned. He caught something forlorn in her expression before she spoke. "If you wish, you may continue to call me by my first name."
"Thank you, Azula!" He paused, and realized she had not said either his name or title: she was waiting for him to grant her the same permission. He did so, eagerly. "And you may do the same, if you wish."
"Very well, Raiden. All of you," she stood and raised her voice, so that the others on the airship could hear. "Now that we have vacationed together, we are on familiar terms."
A happy murmur swept through the guards and assistants in the party. They exited the airship, and stepped down into the palace grounds, where their duties awaited them.
Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed that rewriting of the Ember Island episode! I had a lot of fun writing it. Please leave me a review to let me know what you thought of it! Thanks for reading!