Chapter 41

The door closed behind the colony leaders, and Aang and Azula regarded each other in silence for a long moment.

The Avatar spoke first. "These people only want to be free," he began, a hint of weariness in his voice.

"Why?" the Fire Lord asked, genuinely baffled. She got up from her seat and moved closer to him, unable to stand the distance between them. She hoped proximity would also make him feel like they were on the same team, the way she wanted them to be. She sat down in the seat next to him, speaking reasonably. "They have all that they need. I provide for them. They are not oppressed or mistreated. I plan to make further investments to make these cities the most prosperous in the world."

Aang blinked at Azula, as if she were obtuse, failing to see something self-evident. "They want to provide for themselves. They want to make their own decisions about who leads them, how their cities are administered."

She scoffed, crossing her arms. "As if they could do any of that as well as I do."

Aang furrowed his brow and pursed his lips, as if he were trying to solve a problem. To figure her out. "You might be right," he conceded diplomatically. "You have done a good job this past year. The world is peaceful. There are some here who agree with you." She preened under his praise, hope warming her chest. Then he deflated it. "But what you've done has been paternalistic. You are still the one in charge. People want to be in charge of themselves."

"They would run this place into the ground," she declared. "I am better than anyone at being in charge."

"These people would rather manage their own affairs than have a distant Fire Lord manage things for them. They want to be masters of their own destiny. They would rather try and fail on their own, than live as children under your rule." Aang continued to argue.

"That is ridiculous," Azula scoffed.

"Perhaps it is," the airbender allowed, deflecting and disarming her with partial agreement. "People can be irrational. They would rather be irrational, and wrong, and free, than bound by a law they didn't choose, even if it treats them humanely."

"Do you have any idea how hard I have worked to make sure these people don't starve?" the Fire Lord asked, getting exasperated.

"I'm grateful for that, and many of them are, too," he acknowledged. "But none of that work was necessary. They never asked you to do it. They want to take that burden from you, Azula. They want to take care of themselves."

She couldn't stand the patient, impersonal way he was talking to her for another minute. She burst out, "I can't believe I've done all this and it's not enough for you!"

"For me?" His brow furrowed, and he looked genuinely puzzled. "What do I have to do with this?"

Now that she had to say it, she felt childish, but she looked down and forced the words out. "I thought if you saw I had changed, that I could do good in the world, then you'd…..come back…..to me."

Aang's jaw dropped, and he stood up from his chair. He stepped back, putting the table between them. His voice took on an edge of sternness. "I was perfectly clear the last time we talked. I don't know where you got the idea that it was possible for you to change my feelings this way. I'm sure I didn't say a thing that could have given you the slightest bit of hope that you and I could ever—"

In her panic, she had the urge to threaten him, to hold the progress she'd made hostage, but knew it was useless. Worse, it would prove her unworthiness. She clung to the determination that had powered her through years of diligent work, unable to let go. "But I've changed, so your feelings could, too! I'm different now–" she protested feebly.

"I'm married to Katara," he told her flatly, praying this fact would make her finally accept the truth.

Azula felt the news like a stab in the gut, and could not hide her flinch. She looked down, swallowed, blinked, and recovered. She glanced at his finger and saw the ring for the first time; he had kept his hands hidden behind his back or under the table during their meeting.

"A marriage can be annulled," she rasped.

Aang made a sound in his throat as if choking on something disgusting. Appalled that she didn't respect his marriage enough to give him up immediately, he looked at her the same way he had in the desert. This moment was everything she had been working for over a year to avoid, but in stubbornly clinging to her dream despite his commitment to Katara, she had brought it down on herself anyway. To him, her suggestion was sacrilegious, disrespectful to the point of blasphemy, worse than kidnapping.

And now he would make her pay for it, not with physical violence, but with all the shame he could rain down on her from his position of unassailable moral superiority. Azula knew she had gone too far and actually felt afraid of what might happen next.

It was worse than she could have imagined.

"Azula, I never wanted to be engaged to you," the Avatar declared, his voice hardening in anger. "You forced me into it, you even made me kiss you against my will, and the whole time, you ignored how miserable you were making me. If you had really loved me, if you had a clue what love actually is, you wouldn't have treated me like that."

"I thought you would come around–" she justified herself, growing increasingly alarmed at his vehemence. She moved to the side of the table, trying to get closer to him.

Her shock only spurred him on, and her proximity pushed him farther away. He didn't understand how she could not have seen how her actions had hurt him, how he could be a mystery to her when she claimed to love him. Her obliviousness made him reach for even clearer, harsher language. "Then you deluded yourself. And you're still in denial! You still don't see our relationship for what it was, but you must hear me now: it was abusive. And it has been over since the night I left. You think a change in Fire Nation colonial policy can erase all that?"

What he was telling her was too terrible; Azula could not take it in. So she pushed it away, barreling into the future instead. "Maybe I can't erase the past, but I could start fresh, beginning today, if you'll let me try. I want to make up for it," she pleaded. "I've been working for the last year to make myself good enough for you, but I guess I'm not there yet. With your help, I could change even more deeply, to become the partner you deserve. I love you, Aang. I can't be happy without you." She reached for him, but he took another step back, so she clasped her hands in front of her, pleading. "All you have to do is leave the waterbender, and we can have the beautiful life we were always meant to have, together. Please, Aang."

He gaped at her, unable to comprehend the depth of her self-deception. He suspected there was nothing he could say to break through to her, but one more truth remained, to make the irrevocable nature of his commitment to his wife clear.

"Katara is pregnant with our child," Aang announced.

The breath went out of her. Weak and lightheaded, Azula sank down into a chair, sure she was about to be sick. She thought of her own infertile womb, and for the first time regretted it.

Seeing her distress, he relented, but only a little. "I won't apologize for the greatest joy of my life, but I sympathize with the pain you're feeling now, Azula. You said you've changed, and I think you have. You've become a more humane leader than your father, and the world is better off for it, even if the reason is some ridiculous fantasy you had about me. I hope you can continue that progress without using that hopeless dream as motivation. Because it is long past time for you to let go of the idea that you and I will ever be together. You need to accept that no matter how much good you do in the world, there is nothing you can do to affect the tides that pull on my heart." He paused, and she ventured to look up at him. His face had softened in compassion, and she realized he pitied her. "You might think you can't be happy without me, but that's not true. The world is full of love, if you only look around and see it. What I wish for you, is that you open your heart to someone else. " He took a step toward the door, then paused. "And please, don't take out any anger you might have toward me on these people. All they—and I—ever wanted is freedom. Good-bye, Azula." He nodded stiffly and left the room.

Author's Note: Please tell me what you think in a review! I appreciate every one!