Chapter 45

Content warning: minor self-harm, and a vague reference to past domestic abuse

Raiden was just arriving at the palace for the morning, when he heard a murmur of unrest among the staff. Apparently the Fire Lord had barricaded herself inside her training room after a bad workout, and was refusing to come out. Shrieks and crashes had been heard from inside, and everyone was afraid to approach.

Bracing himself, Raiden knocked on the door. "Azula, can I come in?"

The sounds inside stopped, and after a moment, the door opened a crack. He stepped in and assessed things as quickly as he could. Weapons and equipment littered the room, a target dummy had been destroyed, and Azula's arms were striped with red, where she had scratched herself with her sharp nails. Her eyes were wide and frightened.

"I can't firebend," she whispered, trembling.

"Why not?" Raiden asked, dumbfounded. Azula's firebending had always been incredibly, even freakishly strong, her defining talent. He couldn't imagine what could possibly have happened to take her bending away.

"I don't know!" she burst out, throwing her hands up in frustration. "If I knew, I would fix it immediately, and it wouldn't be a problem!"

They were in a precarious situation, the captain realized. By law and tradition, the Fire Lord had to be a firebender. The gift of bending the element was a sign of Agni's favor and the monarch's divine right. No heir had ever been crowned without demonstrating it. When an old Fire Lord grew too frail to firebend, he was expected to abdicate in favor of his heir; in a few cases impatient princes had pushed their aging fathers to prove they maintained the ability, and legally seized the throne when they couldn't.

"We'll figure this out," he promised her, infusing his voice with a calm he didn't feel. "Do you think you can get through today's meetings, pretending nothing is wrong?"

"Do I look like I can pretend anything right now?" she snapped, raking her fingers through her hair.

He knew it was unwise to comment on her disheveled appearance. He pressed his lips together. "All right. Stay here. I'll cancel your meetings and come back with a plan."

Raiden went first to Joshu, to clear the Fire Lord's schedule. The assistant seemed unsurprised: Azula hadn't worked since returning from Yu Dao. Then, on his way to confront Master Xi, the firebending trainer, the captain found Piandao, in an informal gathering with several ministers. Since Azula had appointed a few members of the Order to high-level posts in her administration, and Raiden had stopped giving him updates, the old master had begun making personal appearances in the palace, insinuating himself into the group of advisors who influenced the Cabinet's decisions.

Eager for any advice his old mentor might be able to give, Raiden pulled Piandao into a quiet corner.

"If someone were to lose their firebending, how would they go about getting it back?" he whispered cryptically. He knew that currently, the White Lotus firmly supported Azula's regime, or he wouldn't have trusted his old master enough to confide even this much.

Piandao's eyes widened and he swallowed. "Hypothetically, the loss of bending power happens when there has been a profound shift in the bender's internal architecture. The bender must reorient herself, and learn to draw her firebending from another source."

"What does that mean?" As a non-bender, Raiden didn't have much understanding of the spiritual and emotional roots of a bender's connection with their element.

Piandao was not a bender either, but he had studied enough philosophy to understand more than the younger man did. "Perhaps this person needs to go back to the original source of firebending," he suggested.

"Well, that doesn't help. The original firebenders were the dragons, and they're extinct," Raiden stated, perplexed and frustrated.

"The first people to learn from the dragons were the ancient Sun Warriors," the sword master reminded him.

The captain shook his head. "They died off thousands of years ago."

"Maybe you and this struggling firebender can learn something from poking around their ruins," Piandao hinted, infusing his tone with significance.

Clearly the old master knew something that Raiden didn't. He sighed and nodded, putting his trust in his mentor. He just hoped he could talk Azula into following this plan. She certainly seemed desperate enough to try anything. Either Azula finds a new way to firebend, or the Fire Nation has to find a new ruler, he thought, shuddering.

Azula continued to rage in the training room.

She broke a wooden bench down into kindling, trying to ignite each sliver, with no success. The lightning strike she had survived the night of her wedding could have been the root cause, she speculated. She briefly considered climbing a mountain during a storm to beg the sky to strike her with lightning, to reverse the effect of her father's dying bolt, but decided against it. Idiotic and overdramatic.

The captain returned, telling her about his plan to borrow an airship and fly to the ruins of the Sun Warrior civilization.

"Why do you think that will fix this?" she scoffed.

"The shadows of the past can be felt by the present," Raiden argued vaguely. It sounded like something a guru of some kind would say.

"So what? I'm supposed to pick up on some Sun Warrior energy just by standing where they stood a thousand years ago?"

He seemed to understand her hesitation at his ridiculous idea, but was at a loss for alternatives. "Do you have a better idea?" he challenged.

Azula envisioned herself screaming into a stormy sky, and grimaced. She glowered and crossed her arms. "This had better work."

Soon they were floating through the clouds, Raiden operating the small aircraft. Azula's chin rested on her arms as she leaned on the railing of the basket. It became clear that she had lapsed into a sullen, nasty mood.

"We've been flying for hours!" she complained after only twenty minutes.

"The Sun Warriors' ruins are pretty far from the palace," he answered matter-of-factly. She seemed to ignore him, gazing out into the blue sky. For almost an hour they continued that way, the captain focusing on the airship's controls, the monarch staring dully away.

Unable to bear the silence, Raiden began tentatively, "I've been thinking, we might be able to hide it for quite a while if we have to."

She rolled her eyes at the idea. Firebending was so central to her life that she could not imagine concealing its loss. She used it in a hundred daily ways, so that a change in habits would not go unnoticed. "I light my own candles at dinner every evening. If I stop doing that, the servants will see, and the gossip will spread."

"Your servants are loyal," he protested, recalling for an instant her paranoid inquisition of the palace staff after returning from the desert.

"Even if they keep their mouths shut, that won't be enough. For every change of season, there's a ceremony where the Fire Lord is expected to produce fire in front of cheering crowds."

Raiden nodded. He had thought of that. "The next one isn't for another two months. In that time, the Mechanist might be able to rig something up to fake firebending. A device you could hide in your sleeve."

She sneered, insulted. "The world's greatest firebender, reduced to carnival tricks. As if such a device would hold up during combat. That invitation to Agni Kai still stands, remember? Just because no one has tried to challenge my rule since the New Ozai Society doesn't mean it couldn't happen again. If it gets out that I can't firebend, anyone can challenge me, and I won't even be able to take the field to defend myself. I'll have to abdicate immediately. And you know what will happen next?"

He opened his mouth to reply, but she cut him off.

"Civil war, that's what will happen. I've named an heir, but his claim is only as strong as mine. There are dozens of aristocrats with a distant blood connection to the family, and some have enough money to hire mercenaries. The country will descend into bloodshed, and I'll be helpless to stop it."

"You still have the army behind you," he reminded her.

"They won't follow an illegitimate Fire Lord," she retorted.

"Most soldiers feel personal loyalty to you," he asserted, exaggerating. "You've always been a great commander."

"People only obeyed me because I threatened them. Without my firebending I couldn't even do that."

"My guards obey me, and I can't firebend," Raiden pointed out.

"Because you were promoted to your position above them by a chain of command that ends with me, the Fire Lord, whose divine right to rule is proven by her connection to the element."

"That's true." He was finding it hard to argue against her logic. Azula's catastrophic thinking had all of Fire Nation history on her side. "But you've broken other traditions. You ended a century of war, violating our entire culture of militarism. Maybe you could change this too."

She shook her head at his ridiculous optimism. "There are limits to anyone's power."

"Not to the Avatar's." Raiden brought up the sensitive topic of the Fire Lord's ex, curious how she would react. "Maybe Aang would come help you, if you were about to lose your throne."

"And how would he do that?"

"He could help you get your firebending back, or ensure you could remain Fire Lord without it. He could keep the peace." How Aang would do any of that, Raiden had no idea, beyond an amorphous thought of 'Avatar magic.'

For a moment, Azula wondered if Aang would support her in this imminent emergency. She hated the thought of following her apology farewell with an immediate request for aid, though she could imagine that she might be left with no other option. Ever the peace-lover, Aang wouldn't want to see any nation ravaged by civil war. He was too good to want her dead, but maybe he would just save her life, while allowing someone to steal her throne. Perhaps he simply wouldn't care enough to intervene, or the waterbender would refuse to allow him to leave her during her pregnancy to save an ex who had mistreated them both. That was what Azula would do, in Katara's place.

"He'll be too busy with his pregnant wife," she concluded glumly.

"Then maybe your brother would return," Raiden suggested brightly.

Her jaw dropped, and he could tell he had deeply offended her. "Do you think Zuko would be a better Fire Lord than me?"

"No, not at all!" The captain backtracked, realizing he had just triggered every jealous feeling she'd ever harbored toward her older brother. "Of course I want you to continue to serve as Fire Lord! I just thought, crowning Prince Zuko would be preferable to civil war, that's all."

"So without my firebending, I must depend on a man to come and rescue me. You really do think me helpless, don't you?" she accused. "All I am now is a damsel in distress. Zuko can't save me, and Aang won't, but you think you can?"

Hurt, Raiden sputtered, "That's not what I meant—"

"Shut up and pilot the airship," she snapped, and turned away from him. "We might as well get this fool's errand over with."

A couple hours later, Raiden spotted the tops of the ruins through the thick jungle trees, and landed the airship in the nearest clearing. He strapped his sword, bow, and a pack of provisions to his back, and led Azula into the forest.

"Professor Kenchiku would go nuts to see this place," the captain enthused, seeing the ancient stone spires. "You can tell these buildings inspired the Fire Sage temples, can't you?"

"So we've learned about architecture," she drawled, bored. "How does that help me firebend?"

"The past can be a great teacher," Raiden asserted, one finger in the air. Just as he spoke, a wire touched his ankle, throwing him off balance, so that he fell forward. Moving stones revealed a pit of spikes ready to impale him. Quickly, he pulled his sword from his back and braced it against him, so that it hit the stone between the iron points and broke his fall. His body froze for a second, braced horizontally, his face inches from a metal tip. Then he carefully placed one hand on the floor, and lowered his body into the hole, while avoiding the sharp skewers. It was a thoroughly awkward maneuver, so he had to pretend the Fire Lord wasn't watching his backside as he managed to stand up inside the gap. Placing his feet carefully to the sides of the lances, he made his way across the obstacle, and felt very proud of himself indeed.

Azula didn't acknowledge his feat. She knelt, picking up the rope he had tripped over. Her curiosity seemed to get the better of her sour mood. "I can't believe it. This booby trap must be centuries old, and it still works." She stepped down and walked between the spikes to the other side of the pit, following Raiden's strategy but executing it more gracefully. "Maybe this means we're not supposed to be here," she mused as she climbed out of the depression in the stone.

"People don't make traps unless they've got something worth protecting," Raiden reminded her, and she didn't contradict that clear wisdom.

They climbed a staircase and found a circular golden door. Azula pulled on the crack, trying to pry it open. "It's locked up."

Raiden noticed a bright sunstone on a pillar behind him, shining a red light on the stone floor. "Wait. It's a celestial calendar. The Fire Sages have one on Crescent Island. I bet that sunstone opens the door, but only when sunlight hits at just the right angle." Raiden unstrapped his sword from his back and used it to reflect the light. The whole building rumbled as the doors slid aside. He gave a laugh of triumph.

Azula didn't praise his coup, but gave a half smile and a nod as she walked into the room ahead of him. He took that to mean his cleverness had lessened her sour mood, which he considered a greater accomplishment than opening the gate.

Then he entered the room. Immediately a terrifying, angry face confronted him, and he gasped, lifting his sword again.

"Relax. They're just statues." Azula told him with a roll of her eyes.

Feeling foolish, he put away his sword and walked further into the room, examining the statues lined up in a circle.

"It says this is something called the Dancing Dragon," Raiden read an inscription. Then he stepped back and took in the series of sculptures; they reminded him of illustrations from bending manuals he'd seen. "Azula, come here! Look at the positions these statues are making. They're teaching us a lesson. I think this is some kind of Sun Warrior firebending form. Maybe we're supposed to dance."

"What?" The Fire Lord appeared at his side, her voice doubtful.

He put aside his nervousness, reminding himself that he wasn't a teenage boy at a party, asking a pretty girl to dance, but an investigator trying to solve the mystery of the disappearing firebending. "Please, let's try it." He set down his pack and weapons, took his position and struck the first pose.

With a sigh, she mirrored him. "This better teach me some truly amazing firebending," she muttered.

They lunged and turned and posed, mirroring the statues and each other. The two ended with their arms above their heads, fists reaching together.

"That's it?" Azula asked.

"You don't feel anything?" he questioned, dismayed.

She shook her head and crossed her arms.

"Why don't you try some of those movements again, and try to firebend while you do them?" Raiden suggested, and was surprised when she compiled, with a put-upon sigh. He stepped back to watch her while she thrust, spun, and reached. She performed with grace, except for her strained expression. When she finished, he clapped, despite the lack of flame.

"That was good! I saw a spark!" He exaggerated, hoping to encourage her.

"Don't patronize me!" Azula snapped. "You know what it's supposed to look like!"

"I was just trying—" he began.

"You have no idea how it feels to lose your bending. To be completely defenseless," she declared.

"No, but I've always been a nonbender in a society that glorifies firebending," he reminded her. "I was once a skinny young recruit surrounded by intimidating soldiers who could command flame."

"Do you know what it's like to be a child with a terrifying father?" she retorted bitterly. "Firebending was my defense, and my way to win favor. Without it I have nothing."

"Your father is gone." Raiden spoke reassuringly, understanding the effect of trauma but hoping to help her move beyond it. "You're not a child anymore, and you're not defenseless. You can punch and kick and chi block and run faster than anyone."

"I know, I'm good at evasion and strategy," she waved a dismissive hand. "But I never learned a weapon, because I never needed to. I'm used to having an entire army at my command, in addition to my own firepower. Now—it's like being naked."

The captain pushed that image out of his head before he could begin to blush, focusing instead on his growing understanding of the new vulnerability Azula was feeling. "I know a bit of what that's like. Whenever I don't have my bow and sword on my back, it just feels wrong, like my body is too light. That kind of exposure is uncomfortable, certainly. You've always had your guard, but until now we've been superfluous. You're upset because this is the first time you've ever needed someone to defend you. At least, since you were little."

"I'm upset because I don't even know who I am without my firebending," she corrected him. "I can't remember a time in my life before I could conjure flame. It's completely disorienting."

"You'll get used to it," he assured her. "And in the meantime, I'm here to defend you."

But his attempt to put a positive spin on her temporary weakness backfired. Her chest inflated with outrage, and she yelled at him, "I don't want to get used to it! I want my bending back!"

"Of course." He put up his hands in surrender, and spoke steadily, trying to calm her down. "And I'm sure you will get it back. But until you do, you can feel safe—"

"Because you're here? My big strong captain is here to protect me?" Her voice filled with dangerous sarcasm, lower lip pouting as she pretended to be a helpless maiden, grateful to her rescuer.

"No, I didn't m—"

She stopped her little show abruptly, cutting off his protests with a cold threat. "You're lucky my fire fingers are out of order right now." She walked past him, her shoulder pushing into his as she went by.

The Fire Lord walked through the statues, deeper into the ruined building, through a door in the back of the hall. Raiden had no choice but to pick up his weapons and pack and follow her.

The next room was smaller, bare with cold stone. In its center stood a podium with an old, heavy book resting on top.

Azula read the inscription beneath the volume, "The secret of power and domination through firebending. Perfect!" She reached for the book before Raiden could open his mouth to caution her against it.

But as soon as she touched the paper, it began to combust, turning to ashes in her hands. Without the weight of the book holding it down, the podium lifted. Raiden realized some mechanism had been triggered, but it was too late. An iron gate fell over the door they had just come in, trapping them.

They looked over every inch of the room for another door, or some trigger to allow them to escape, but found nothing.

Raiden shook the gate and called, "Help!"

"Who are you yelling to? Nobody's lived here for centuries." the Fire Lord glowered.

"Well, what do you think we should do?" he asked her reasonably.

"This is all your fault," she accused, ignoring his question. "We wouldn't be here if it weren't for your stupid idea."

"I'm not the one who grabbed that book." He couldn't stop himself from pointing out her mistake.

"That book was exactly what we came here for!" She threw up her hands.

"It was an obvious trap for firebenders who would misuse the art."

She paused, only now considering that, then scowled, realizing he was probably right. She crossed to the gate and tested it with a shake.

"If I could firebend, I could melt these bars," she muttered with clear frustration.

Raiden wondered how long it would take for Piandao to send a search party after them. Long enough that they would be incredibly hungry, he was sure. His pack only held a single day's rations. He dreaded the thought of the Fire Lord's temper if she were starving. Spurred by their predicament, Raiden decided to try to follow a new line of inquiry into their problem. He knew very little about bending, but everyone understood that benders drew their power from their hearts as well as chi.

"If we stay calm, we can figure a way out of this. Maybe we should go back to the beginning," he suggested, troubleshooting. "What emotion powered your firebending in the past?"

"I don't know." Azula answered sullenly. She wasn't even sure she had emotions. Chibi had struggled mightily to teach her to identify her feelings, but she was in no mood to do that work now.

"How did you feel when you lit the brazier at your coronation? Or burned that New Ozai bender during your Agni Kai?"

"Masterful. Superior. Commanding."

Those weren't really emotions, but Raiden was afraid to push. "I guess you don't feel that way now?"

"Of course not."

"What would it take to feel that way again?" he wondered.

"I'm not sure I can." She looked down, and he thought he saw shame flash over her face. "Maybe I don't want to," she murmured.

"Why don't you want to?" he asked softly.

She sighed. "Last night I wrote apology letters to Aang and his wife. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever done, but I actually felt better when I'd finished."

"That's wonderful," he whispered, truly taken aback by this revelation. He had been deeply curious about Azula's relationship with the Avatar, and now he knew perhaps the most important thing about it: she had hurt Aang badly enough to need to apologize formally, and did so, accepting her guilt. Perhaps that was all he'd ever know; the details were not his business.

But she shook her head. "It's not so wonderful if this is the result, is it?"

He frowned. "I don't—"

She looked off into the distance and told her story as she saw it. "I made myself into the kind of Fire Lord Aang would approve of, changing my entire country at its root. I did all of that for the wrong reason, to win over a man I could never deserve. When he rejected me a third time, I reformed not only my actions but also my heart, lowering myself to apologize to the woman I've hated for years." Suddenly her voice hardened and she seemed to come back down to earth. "And this is how I'm repaid. The universe has rewarded me by taking away my firebending. It's clear what I should learn from this: nothing I do will ever be enough to change what I did in the past, so I might as well stop trying. Maybe if I go back to cruelty and conquest, my bending will return."

Alarmed at her words, Raiden rushed to contradict them. "No. You are absolutely wrong about that. That lesson is the complete opposite of the one we came here to learn. There must be another explanation we just don't know yet, but it can't be that you were wrong to reform the Fire Nation and wrong to apologize."

"How could you possibly know that? My conclusion is entirely logical." Azula crossed her arms.

"Only if bending is good," the captain argued.

"Of course bending is good. The hand of fire is Agni's blessing."

"What if it's just…neutral? A tool that can be used for good or ill." That was the White Lotus's teaching, which contradicted Fire Nation lore. "Maybe it's like the difference between fighting offensively and defensively with a sword. If you're used to using it one way, and suddenly change to using it for a new purpose, it may take some time to re-learn it." Raiden posited.

"But I've been acting benevolently as Fire Lord for quite a while," Azula pointed out. "Doesn't that count? Why didn't I lose my bending when I cut my hair?"

"Bending goes deeper than swordplay. It connects to your deepest drives. There's a difference between action and motivation. Like you said, doing the right thing for the wrong reason." Raiden said, putting his ideas together even as he spoke. "But now, you've finally turned toward the light, inside and out. And so your old way of bending—the way you learned from your father—has stopped working for you."

"That's ridiculous." She turned away, wrapping her arms around herself.

"Which part?"

"Where you said I'm in the light," she whispered. Everything about her seemed fragile at that moment.

"What if you do have some good in you, Azula?" He stepped closer, intent on her in this crucial moment. It was Raiden's core belief that everyone had the potential to act rightly in the world, and he was sure that she needed to feel her own goodness, as deeply buried as it might be, in order to get through this crisis. His hands itched to touch her; they held back, but only just. "And your time using firebending to hurt others, or using it to do good things for bad reasons—what if that was the aberration? What if you're here to learn to firebend the right way, for the first time?"

She shook her head. Her face was pale and she seemed petrified by his words. "I'm not good. I'm cold and dark and damaged. I've done things—"

"You think I don't know that?" His voice lowered tenderly, as he ventured to hold her by the shoulders. "You're all of those things, including good. I know every part of you, Azula."

"You don't know anything!" she burst out, pushing him away. "Not about firebending, and definitely not about me. I lost my firebending because I tried to be someone I'm not. That means I need to go back to who I was before I tried to make Aang love me. I just have to accept that I'll always be alone—"

"No, you're not, I'm here," he assured her, desperate to keep her from backsliding.

"I don't want you here! Nothing you do makes it better!" she howled, eyes full of tears about to fall.

Her words cut so deep that his frustration broke and he yelled back. "Do you have any idea how hard I work to help you?"

She waved a hand dismissively at him. "That's your job," she scoffed, as if that was an excuse for taking him for granted.

"No, it's not," he asserted indignantly. "My job is to protect you. That's all. It is not my job to help you get your bending back, or set up a therapist for you, or weigh in on council decisions, or brainstorm policy, or take a vacation with you. I go above and beyond, and I even offer you my friendship—"

"I told you, I'm not a good friend," she interrupted, impatient.

"Then be better!" he snapped, stunning himself with his own boldness. "It's only ever about you, and you don't even know—" He stopped himself and sank down onto the floor in frustration, back against the stone wall, his knees pulled up self-protectively. He was afraid he'd ruined everything.

Azula stood there for several long minutes, frowning and thinking. She shifted her weight uncomfortably a couple of times, then pursed her lips. Out of the corner of his eye, Raiden thought he saw her wipe her cheeks. Finally she sighed and sat down beside him.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I've treated you poorly, and you don't deserve it. You're trying to help me, so I should appreciate your efforts. I shouldn't be insulted at the idea that you could defend me, when you've saved my life twice already. On Ember Island, I didn't mean to reject your friendship, I meant to advise you against it. I'm not good at being a friend. Mai and Ty Lee and Aang wouldn't have left me if that weren't true. I think their betrayal made me wary of friendship because losing someone hurts too much."

Astonished at her apology and at how instantly it melted away his resentment, Raiden responded, "I can understand that. But they're not here now, and I am."

"I know. I appreciate that. You're just about the only person in the world who cares about me, and you do it because it's your job. Even though I make it so hard for you, even though you get so little out of it."

"That's not true!" he insisted, afraid he'd gone too far.

"It is. But I'm too selfish to turn you down again. Because the truth is, you're my best friend, Raiden. You have been for quite a while. You're probably my only friend." She smiled sadly at him.

"No, there's Peony and Joshu and Naoki and Takeo."

"They're colleagues. Maybe they could be friends someday. But you already are."

"Thank you. It's an honor." Raiden touched his heart, moved.

Azula shook her head. "I just hope you don't end up regretting this. Because you're right, it hasn't been reciprocal between us. Maybe that was the problem with Mai and Ty Lee as well. Or at least, part of the problem."

"It's natural that it started out that way between us. Our positions…"

"That's no excuse at this point. So what is it? What don't I know about you that you think I should?

That I'm in love with you? He couldn't say it. He blushed and looked down. That was what was really bothering him, what had caused his outburst. Loving her and not being able to say so, while being subject to her worst moods.

"I don't remember what I was thinking when I started to say that," he lied.

"All right," she accepted his word with a blithe shrug.

"I think you just proved my point," he said with a grin, unable to resist.

"What point?"

"That you're good. Instead of punching me or firing me, you apologized."

She gave a dry laugh. "I don't like being good."

"But it's becoming a habit now."

"Maybe," she sighed. "I don't really want to go back to the way I was before."

He felt proud of her, but it would be presumptuous to say so. "I don't want that either."

It was getting dark, so Raiden suggested they eat and sleep and try to break out in the morning. They split rolls from his pack, then took off their armor and lay down with their shoulder pads as pillows, the captain next to the door and the Fire Lord by the back wall. It was warm in the Sun Warriors' tropical paradise, so they could sleep comfortably without bedding or a campfire, which was fortunate, since they had neither.

Lying on their bedrolls at opposite ends of the dark room, the two talked long into the night, about random little things. He had said she didn't know him, and Azula seemed to have taken that to heart, because she plied him with dozens of questions, as if it were an interview, filling in biographical gaps.

When she discovered that he was an only child, she called him lucky.

"I think you're lucky," he countered. "I always wanted a brother."

"Older or younger? she asked.

He shrugged. "Does it make a difference?"

"It does in the royal family."

"But not if your parents are teachers," he pointed out.

"Fair enough. What was that like?"

"Mostly wonderful. Except for the year when I was a student in my own mother's classroom.

She's stricter at school than at home, and my friends blamed me when they got in trouble."

"Tell me about your childhood friends. Where did you meet them?"

"At school, in the neighborhood, or at my archery training or music lessons. I also had a lot of cousins." He painted a picture of a peaceful, carefree childhood, and when she said she envied that, he didn't contradict her.

At her prompting, he told her stories of boot camp, of family vacations, of his campaigns in the Earth Kingdom. They discovered a common interest in music. Both had played instruments as children, before abandoning them to focus on martial arts. Azula had personally met all of the famous musicians Raiden admired, and he could not believe how blase she was about it. No one, not even the most illustrious, reclusive legends of the stage, impressed her. "Growing up in the palace, it was a normal thing to have the best entertainment. The actors and singers were always eager to ingratiate themselves," she explained with a shrug.

Next, they began discussing favorite opera songs, and before he knew it, he had sung a few bars of a ballad. Even more astonishing, she sang the response, her voice both deep and sweet.

"No one will ever believe I got you to sing," he teased.

"That's because you're never going to tell anyone." She sighed and turned over, more than ready to sleep. "I know you'll keep my secrets."

Elated by his blossoming friendship with the Fire Lord, Raiden tried not to let that last line trouble his conscience as he closed his eyes.

Before dawn, Raiden woke to a nudge from Azula. When he looked up at the gate to their cell, he saw a man in a feathered headdress. The gate lifted, but he still blocked the door.

"For trying to take the forbidden book, you must be severely punished," the feathered man declared.

"We didn't come here to take your book," Raiden said, standing. "We came to find the ancient origin of all firebending."

"Yeah, right. They're obviously thieves, here to steal Sun Warrior treasures," said a smaller man behind the first one.

"Why would I want your measly treasures when I have an entire museum full of the royal crown jewels?" Azula scoffed.

Afraid she had offended the man who held them captive, Raiden introduced her, hoping her position would explain her rudeness. "May I present Fire Lord Azula, sir. And I'm Captain Raiden of the Royal Guard. We never imagined the Sun Warriors civilization was secretly alive. We are truly humbled to be in your presence." He bowed, nudging Azula, and she followed suit.

"What does the Fire Lord want here?" the chief asked warily.

"Poaching and plunder, I'm sure!" the nasty little man whispered in his chief's ear, loud enough for everyone to hear.

But the Fire Lord spoke in a soft, introspective way that surprised Raiden and made him glow with pride. "I have used my firebending to hurt and dominate others, and now that I regret my errors, the ability has abandoned me. I need you to teach me the true way, the original way."

"If you wish to learn the ways of the Sun, you must learn them from the masters, Ran and Shaw.

When you present yourself to them, they will examine you. They'll read your hearts, your souls, and your ancestry. If they deem you worthy, they'll teach you. If they don't, you'll be destroyed on the spot." The imposing man spoke close to each of their faces, intimidating them.

The Sun Warriors made them walk to the top of yet another pyramid, where a fire blazed in the gap of a pointed arch.

"If you're going to see the masters, you must bring them a piece of the Eternal Flame." The chief's arms opened to the giant, crackling inferno. "This fire is the very first one. It was given to man by the dragons. We have kept it going for thousands of will each take a piece of it to the masters, to show your commitment to the sacred art of firebending. This ritual illustrates the essence of Sun Warrior philosophy."

Azula stepped forward. "I'll do it alone. My friend isn't a firebender. He shouldn't have to—"

"No. You both trespassed. You both must be tested." He reached into the flame, with a flourish, separated two fires, one in each hand. One of the other Sun Warriors handed Raiden a candle and pointed to the sacred fire in the Chief's hand; he lit the taper and held it solemnly. Then Azula took a piece of the Eternal Flame in her hand. She winced, expecting it to go out as soon as the older man withdrew his hand, but it continued to burn.

"It's like a little heartbeat," she murmured.

"Fire is life, not just destruction," the chief intoned wisely, then pointed to distant twin peaks. "You will take your flames up there. The cave of the masters is beneath that rock."

They walked slowly up the hill, both concentrating on their little, handheld fires. They trekked up the giant, seemingly endless staircase silently, wondering what would happen when they reached the top.

The wind kept threatening to blow out Raiden's candle, so he shielded it carefully. It took all of Azula's concentration to keep her fire burning as she climbed. Miraculously, it did not go out.

When they reached the end of their climb, the Sun Warriors were there, juggling circles of flame and beating drums as they lined the path to a final staircase.

"We could turn back now. We've learned more about firebending than we'd hoped," Raiden whispered to Azula, gesturing to the flame dancing on her palm, proof that she'd already recovered at least some of her ability.

"No, we're seeing this through to the end," she decided, looking determinedly up at the top of the stair. "We're going to meet these masters and find out what's so great about them."

They walked up the stairs, and saw that the platform led to two caves on either side.

A Sun Warrior below spoke into a giant horn that amplified his voice, "Those who wish to meet the masters Ran and Shaw will now present their fire. Sound the call!"

Azula and Raiden each turned to face one of the caves, and bowed low, holding out their fires as offerings.

A giant horn sounded, and a rumble came from the caves. The wind blew, extinguishing Azula's flame.

"Raiden, my fire went out," she whispered, panicked.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked helplessly.

"Give me some of yours," she demanded.

"No, you can make your own!" He didn't want to enable her backsliding.

"I can't!" She reached for Raiden's candle. He was about to let her try to light her hand from it, when he saw two red eyes glowing from inside the cave behind her, and dropped his candle.

It was a dragon.

No, two dragons. They burst from the caves and flew through the air, circling the Fire Lord and her captain threateningly.

Raiden turned to cover her back, as he'd been trained to do, though he knew he couldn't protect her from dragons. He stepped backwards and felt the bottoms of his shoulder blades touch the tops of hers. Their knuckles grazed, her hand reached for his, and, emboldening himself, he interlaced their fingers. At least I got to hold her hand before I die, the captain said to himself with sardonic resignation. He watched the mighty beasts' spines rippling in the sky, and it reminded him of the turning, undulating movements the hall statues had shown them the previous evening.

Suddenly, he had an idea. "Azula, I think we're supposed to do the Dragon Dance with them."

"What about this situation makes you think they want us to dance?" she asked incredulously, meeting his eye over her shoulder.

"Well, they want us to do something. Let's just try it," he pushed.

"Fine."

Dropping their joined hands, they each lifted one leg to begin. As they moved through the lunges and poses, it seemed the dragons' flight imitated their thrusts, flying up and down beside them. The mythical beasts undulated in the air, passing through rings of flame they created for each other. The two dancers ended with their fists meeting, and noticed the dragons also frozen still, looking down at them in judgment.

Then the dragons opened their mouths and breathed fire.

Azula and Raiden tried to cover themselves, but then realized the fire wasn't burning them. They were in the midst of a howling inferno, somehow unhurt. The dragons' flame swirled around them, in colors of purple, orange, yellow, and green. They felt its heat as they looked up into the sky in wonder.

"I understand," Azula murmured.

Fire wasn't power and will and devastation. Or, it was those things, but not only those things. Fire was vitality and change and joy. It was everything. Fire was what tore through her, enervating her entire body as she danced. She had become nothing more than a conduit for her element. Controlling this fire was impossible, and she no longer wished to try.

So she let go.

She trusted it, danced with it, gave herself over to it. Allowing that inferno to rage through her was a more glorious release than she had ever dared to imagine.

Then, suddenly, the dragons flew up into the sky, and disappeared back into their caves. Still wondering, the Fire Lord and her companion walked back down the stairs.

At the bottom, the Sun Warrior chief waited expectantly for them to report on their encounter with the masters.

Azula addressed him, her thoughts coming together as she spoke. "Now I know why I lost my firebending. Because for my whole life, my purpose was to control others. I even tried to force the Avatar to love me. When I finally let go of him, it reordered everything inside me, so that I basically forgot how bending worked. Now, I feel like a little girl who just learned to firebend for the first time." She struggled to put words to her experience. "It's like the sun, but inside of you."

"Then your bending is back?" the captain asked, to verify.

Experimentally, Azula made two of the steps from the middle of the dragon dance. Flame illuminated her face, which glowed from within with a soft smile, as she turned, presenting her fire to the sky. Her movements appeared effortless, filled with grace.

"Does it feel different from before?" Raiden wondered, noticing a change.

"It's the difference between breaking a wild komodo rhino and being a wild komodo rhino," Azula explained. "Of course, I was good at taming the flames, and my will was strong enough that I could force even the fire itself to obey me. But I don't want to bend that way anymore. Now, I can let the fire burn through me instead, and it's stronger, and truer, and just…transcendent."

"What will you do now?" the chief asked the Fire Lord.

"Try to rule the Fire Nation with justice," she began stoutly, then averted her eyes. "Beyond that, I haven't figured out yet. But I feel like whatever happens next, I don't have to be in control of it."

"Now that you have learned the secrets, and you know about our tribe's existence, we have no choice but to imprison you here forever," the chief abruptly declared. Shocked, the pair prepared to run or fight. Then the older man smiled again, mischief twinkling in his eyes. "Just kidding. But seriously, don't tell anyone!"

"We give you our word," Raiden promised, holding up a hand solemnly. They bowed again and turned away, to walk back to the airship.

"That wasn't a very good joke," Azula muttered to her companion, who agreed.

On their way through the jungle, Raiden broke their contemplative silence to ask with a smile, "Does this mean you believe me?"

"About what?"

"That you have good in you."

"No. I don't think anyone's good or bad by nature," she answered thoughtfully. "Except for a few extreme cases, like Aang and my father. It is our choices that show what we truly are. I've made a lot of bad ones, and their effects haven't disappeared just because I now regret them. I don't think it will ever be easy for me to make the right choice."

"It usually isn't, for anyone. But you'll keep trying, and that's what counts," Raiden put in optimistically.

The trees parted, and they came upon the airship, ready to take them home.

As he pulled open the cabin door for her, the captain wondered, "If people ask where we were, what should we say?" He knew she would want to hide the fact that she had lost her firebending even momentarily, and thought no less of her for that.

One corner of her mouth pulled up. "We'll say we went on a field trip," she answered.

For the entire hours-long flight back to the palace, the two talked, first marveling about the dragons' size and might, and the beauty of the colors that had surrounded them on that high platform. When they exhausted that subject, they continued the conversation they had begun late the previous night, discussing music and childhood and their country's future.

When the airship finally landed at the palace, night had already fallen. Raiden walked the Fire Lord through the darkened halls to her chamber.

He knew any goodbye would feel anticlimactic after such a life-changing journey. "Well, good night," he said, feeling a bit awkward.

"Good night," Azula echoed. He thought he saw sadness flashing across her features, before he started to walk away.

But she stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. He turned his head back toward her, glancing down at her hand touching him, before lifting his eyes to hers.

"Raiden," She looked up into his face, as her hand trailed lightly down his arm to squeeze his fingers. "Thank you," she said, with a sincerity he had never seen from her before.

Overcome, without thinking, he lifted her hand to his lips and pressed a fervent kiss to her knuckles. His eyes squeezed tight with feeling, colors just as brilliant as those of the dragons' fire appearing behind his eyelids.

Then he looked up and met her gaze, and saw surprise.

Afraid he'd overstepped, he backtracked, dropping her hand and stepping away.

"For the honor of the Fire Nation, he murmured.

She frowned then, but nodded.

He straightened up, gave a correct half-salute, and left.

Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed that retelling of a much-beloved episode. Please let me know what you think of this developing relationship!