Chapter 46

Azula held her hand completely still as she entered her room, the better to allow the sensation to linger. He kissed my hand. She recalled dozens of love scenes in comedies that began that way, with a gentleman placing a tender kiss on a blushing maiden's hand. The scenes would progress from there to witty flirtation, tender declarations, more kisses, and even to bed.

Unless Raiden had not meant it in a romantic way. After all, a kiss on the hand was an expression of affection a young man might make to a girl he loved, but it was also a stately gesture of a courtier toward a monarch. Though this was the first time it had happened to her, such a salutation was not an uncommon occurrence among the Fire Lord's closest ministers. Her father's top three advisors had regularly venerated him with dry-lipped little pecks on his rings. And the captain had murmured the courtly formula, placing his action firmly in the context of his duty. By kissing her hand, Raiden was claiming that kind of position for himself: a place in her inner circle. It might have been presumptuous if he hadn't already been acting in that capacity for almost two years now. She didn't mind that; as her closest confidant, he had certainly earned that recognition.

But she had frowned in disappointment when she heard those words. She realized now that she had wanted him to say something different. Something flattering, provocative, or even sweet. She'd hoped he'd address her not as his Fire Lord, but as Azula. She'd liked the kiss, and wanted it to be a romantic gesture, not a professional one. What her body had desired in that moment was to be pulled into Raiden's embrace. For his lips to trail up her arm, to her shoulder, and caress her neck. She'd wanted to kiss him back. She liked him. Even more than his kiss, this realization, this unexpected desire of her own, was what had truly surprised her.

It was a novel feeling. She had never been attracted to anyone except Aang. The captain was certainly handsome: tall, and broad, with thick hair and upright military posture. His looks weren't striking, so he was easily overlooked, especially since he was always surrounded by a dozen other young men in matching uniforms, all of whom were also in top physical shape. As she contemplated him, she realized that over time she had noticed small things about him: the unexpected fullness of his eyelashes, the square shape of his fingernails, the sharp line of his jaw, accented by a tiny gold hoop in one earlobe. But his personality appealed to her even more than his looks: Raiden was good-humored, thoughtful, and brave. His wise advice had led her to her greatest successes as a leader. Perhaps most importantly, he was good to her. When she was with him, she felt a sense of comfort so subtle that she had barely noticed it until now. His strong, supportive presence was soothing. He had always been there, helping her through her hardest moments. Yes, she liked him very much indeed.

Did he like her, she wondered. Or did he only desire promotion? Perhaps he hoped to use her affections as a stepping stone for his career. There had certainly been many advisors who had manipulated her ancestors that way, putting personal advancement over country. No. She dismissed the idea almost immediately. Raiden was too sincere for that. Too loyal.

She continued to puzzle over the kiss. He was either disinterestedly claiming the position he already held, the better to continue the work he'd been doing for years, or he liked her. But if he likes me, why did he say that about the honor of the Fire Nation? If he wanted recognition as a trusted guard and advisor, he could have asked for that anytime in the past two years. It didn't make sense.

I don't even know if he's single, she realized. Then she remembered that Raiden had admitted on Ember Island that he hadn't kissed a woman in over a year, so at least he had been single then. Come to think of it, she wasn't sure when he would have had time to pursue a relationship. He spent nearly every waking hour in her presence, and sometimes stood at her door while she slept.

Azula considered asking Naoki for her opinion on the matter, or ordering her to make discreet inquiries on her behalf. But then she remembered Zuko asking her to do the same thing once. Only a couple of weeks before Father burned him, he had begged her to find out about Mai's romantic interests. She'd thought her brother's timidity was pathetic then, and refused to do anything so juvenile now. It was the kind of thing an insecure teenager would do, not the Fire Lord.

No, she could not ask in that way. But she could find out another way. Feel him out herself, directly. Though her disappointment with Aang's rejection had thrown off her confidence for quite a while, she still knew herself to be beautiful and clever, in addition to the attractions of her office. Soon she formulated a plan. She would purposely put Raiden in situations where his interest or disinterest would become clear. She would test him, while keeping her own feelings veiled. She would give him the status he had claimed, then find out what else he wanted from her.

But she had to do it carefully. Not only to protect herself from another rejection, but to protect him. She was his employer, she reminded herself. And she had a history of using her position to demand affection. She didn't want to treat Raiden like she'd treated Aang. I'll have to leave it to him to make the first move, she decided. Then I'll know he really wants me.

Back in his apartment, Raiden spent the rest of the night kicking himself both for kissing Azula's hand and for instantly retracting the gesture by putting it in a professional context. There was a part of him that longed to know what might have happened next if he had pulled her into an embrace and kissed her lips, instead of taking it back like a coward.

But he repressed that foolish speculation. Because even more than that final moment at her door, his hours talking in the dark with the Fire Lord had thrilled him. The way they kept putting off sleep to share one more story reminded him of the late-night conversations he'd had with Takeo in their bunk during boot camp. It was exhilarating to get to know someone for the first time, to cement a new bond in the dark with only words. Watching her discover the meaning of firebending and the goodness in herself on this trip had amazed him. Becoming Azula's friend was the most exciting thing that had ever happened to him.

And now, Raiden was afraid he had just messed up their budding platonic relationship by making a move on her. He hoped she would just forget it. Their new friendship was what really mattered, and he had to protect it from his foolish attraction.

After all, nothing would ever come of it: she didn't like him that way. Her reaction to his kiss had told him that much. He'd shocked her with his ardor, but she seemed to accept his cover. He wouldn't make that kind of mistake again. He had plenty of practice in restraint over the past year. He knew how to hide his feelings.

Besides, Azula was clearly too fragile to start a relationship. It had taken her nearly two years to finally get over her one-sided infatuation with the Avatar. Though he was glad to hear she had apologized to Aang and his wife, that didn't mean she was prepared to avoid repeating the same mistakes. She had emerged stronger from this crisis with her firebending, but it had also shown Raiden how deeply misguided she had been for her entire life, and how much she still needed to learn in order to be a good friend, much less a good partner.

None of those considerations mattered, anyway, when there was still another reason for the captain to be cautious: the prohibition against a guard getting romantically involved with a royal daughter. As long as that law was in place, and his colonel was eager to find an excuse to end his career, it wasn't safe for him to push things with the Fire Lord. He had to be prudent. Swallowing his love for Azula had become such a habit that it was no hardship. He wasn't sure if that would become easier or harder, now that he would have the consolation of a real friendship with the most vibrant and dynamic woman in the world.

And if I'm wrong? If she does like me? A fanciful, overconfident piece of him wondered. Well, then she can tell me herself, his more rational mind answered. She's not exactly shy. Raiden knew he wouldn't come on to her again, not unless she did first. And that would never happen.

Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Please leave me a review to let me know what you think will happen next!

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