Gladiator

by Seyary-Minamoto

In a world where the Avatar wasn't found, the Fire Nation took over two nations and they strive to overcome the last one. Water Tribe warrior Sokka seeks to fight for his people's rights, but he's captured by his enemies. His life is no longer in his hands as he fights as a Gladiator, and his fate will eventually depend on the Fire Nation Princess, who needs him for her own ends...

276. Chapter 276: S Air T-Secret Writings 5

A/N: Sorry for the delay today... got a little caught up on things because it happens to be my birthday :'D anyway, hope you enjoy the two chapters I'm bringing you today! Let's hope they'll start off the year on a good note for all of you!

Southern Air Temple/Secret Writings

5

By the guru's preference, the group rested for the night, leaving their upcoming adventures of self-discovery for the next day. After enjoying dinner as best they could – Momo scurried off and returned with fruit he laid before Aang, who was always deeply grateful over opportunities to enjoy a different diet from the Water Tribe's –, each of them had tucked in and done their best to rest properly. The Avatar tossed and turned for hours, too tense, too self-aware, too worried to fall into an easy sleep… too deeply disturbed by the apparent battle waging inside him between his soul and that of every Avatar that preceded him. To think that he had been attacking the others while immersed in that vision with all his past lives… he had no idea what he'd done. He didn't know where it had ended, when it had begun. His body was wracked by shivers of the worst kind when he pondered it all…

High up as they were, around the middle levels of the Southern Air Temple, the slowly brightening skies served as a natural means to wake every traveler, well used to darkness as they still were. Shortly before the sun rose, still as far south as they remained, all five of them had woken and eaten a light breakfast before joining the guru in one of the higher courtyards of the Air Temple.

"Are you alright?" Katara asked Aang as they climbed, side by side, following Sokka, Zuko and Kino. Aang gritted his teeth but nodded. "I know it's been a rough start, but…"

"Maybe this is exactly what I need to make sense out of whatever I'll do, going forward," Aang sighed, offering Katara a half-hearted smile. "I'm feeling better than yesterday anyway, if that's what worried you. I just… I really don't think I'll use the Avatar State ever again."

"Well, you can't know if you'll ever have to…" Katara sighed, rubbing his back gently. "But if you don't want to, I hope you never need to use it again."

"I don't like it. The idea of… losing track of my own body, of being in conflict with myself?" Aang said, grimacing. "What if I wind up breaking balance even further because I have no idea what I'm doing?"

"I'm pretty sure the point of this whole chakra thing is to ensure that won't happen," Katara said, smiling encouragingly at him. "We have no idea how it's going to turn out, true… but you'll be okay, Aang. We're here for you, and you're always ready to learn new things, right? As long as you keep your mind at the ready, I'm sure you'll make it work."

Aang breathed out slowly but nodded, returning Katara's smile. By then, the three ahead had reached the courtyard in question, surrounded by dry trees, depicting a damaged mosaic on its flooring, an assortment of swirling colors gathered around a center. Guru Pathik sat there, legs crossed in a meditative stance.

"Uh… should we come back later?" Kino asked Zuko, whose eyebrow twitched as he eyed the guru warily.

"None of that, young man: I have been waiting for you," Pathik said, smiling even before he opened his eyes. "Are you ready to begin yet?"

"Guess so," Aang said, breathing out slowly. "Though… you do have to explain a few things, first. What are chakras?"

"Oh, I'll get to that very soon. But first…!" the guru said, rising to his feet.

Behind him stood two rows of bowls, filled with a yellow substance. Sokka winced instinctively at them as Pathik gestured at the drinks he had prepared for their group.

"Drink up!" he said.

"Do we have to?" Sokka blinked blankly. "It looks… sketchy."

"So distrustful!" the guru laughed, grinning at Sokka. "If you already are so quick to put up walls, young man, you may just have trouble unlocking your chakras…"

Sokka huffed as Kino dashed forward, picking up the bowls of yellow juice and distributing them to the rest of the group. The scent of the drink didn't help matters in the least.

"Heck, it smells like… onion-and-banana juice," Aang said, with an awkward smile.

"Because that's what it is!" Pathik declared, still smiling brightly, disregarding how his initiates scowled at him for his choice in beverage.

"Does this seriously have something to do with this whole chakra unlocking business?" Sokka asked, blinking blankly.

"Indeed, it does! That's why you drink it first before unlocking them," Pathik announced. Sokka's face fell at the prospect, initially… before scoffing and shaking his head.

"Oh, what the hell," he said, shrugging: it wasn't as though he hadn't eaten weird foods before.

The taste proved strange, difficult to stomach for most the group: Kino gagged, paling at the flavor, while Aang contained the urge to spit it out, just barely. Sokka swallowed it heavily, in large gulps to make it end faster, while Katara whimpered and shuddered at the end of it, glancing about herself as though hoping the guru might have had some sort of palate cleanser after the drink… whereas Zuko appeared perfectly normal after draining his own bowl.

"You really didn't hate it? Or are you just acting tough?!" Kino's eyes widened as he scrutinized Zuko with amazement. Zuko's lips pursed into a slight pout.

"What's it to you if I hate it or not…?" he mumbled, cheeks reddening, as Kino gasped.

"He really didn't hate it!" he told the others, who couldn't help but envy Zuko's strange tastebuds if they meant the odd juice might not be so unpleasant – though Sokka hadn't found it as dreadful as he had initially expected it to be, going by scent alone.

"Now, then! Shall we get started?" the guru asked, enthusiastic.

"And here I thought the juice was the start…" Sokka sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as the guru took off in a happy, careless stroll through the courtyard.

He led the group lower in the mountain, down to a small, trickling waterfall that turned into a much larger one by the base of the Southern Air Temple. Above, however, it was a soft, small stream, scurrying over the winding paths of the natural wall, only gaining strength once enough of it gathered together in a pool. The guru stopped at a small pond – the stream carried on past the cumulation of water, but he focused on the trickling water paths, first of all.

"As far as I understand… none of you have ever heard of chakras?" Guru Pathik asked, with an awkward smile. The whole group shook their heads, and he sighed. "Oh, that is what I am here for, after all… very well, then! Look at this creek: it flows smoothly, doesn't it? The water will pool at this pond… as it would pool in other ponds, if there were others beyond it, too…"

"Uh… huh?" Kino blinked blankly, as Guru Pathik sighed, with an awkward smile.

"Well, do forgive me if I'm struggling to explain: as it happens, the Eastern Air Temple has a much better sequence of creeks and pools to explain this subject," he said. "I had initially received a vision that I might be able to help Aang in the Eastern Air Temple… but he never did arrive, and I could never contact him, even after the Comet came and went. Then, about a year ago, I received another vision: the Avatar, traveling to the Southern Air Temple! It took me a long time to get here, but once I did, I spent many nights attempting to contact you. I hoped to reach you eventually, and it seems I did, after all."

"Only when I was ready to leave, it seems," Aang said, with a small smile. "But, uh… what's this about the ponds and the creek, anyway?"

"Ah, pardon me, I got sidetracked," he laughed, gesturing at the pond anew. "The energy inside our bodies is no different from this creek, you see: it swirls and travels, it flows smoothly… and in each of our bodies there are ponds, too, like this one. They are large gatherings of energy, and those concentrations of energy are the chakras: to ensure true balance within oneself, the chakras must not be blocked so that energy can flow through our bodies freely."

"Huh…" Sokka frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. "So, it's basically points of high chi concentration? Hey, now…"

"Sokka?" Katara blinked blankly as Sokka grabbed Kino, turning him around and staring at his back pointedly.

"There's these points in the body that are very tricky to chi-block properly, you see…" he said, poking points in Kino's spine, making him flinch with each nudge. "But if done right, it's the most effective block there can be: the block lasts longer, and with a single blow you can even disable the whole body."

"Ah! Then you know more about chakras than you realized, don't you?" Pathik said, smiling proudly. "And you are experienced with chi-blocking, then?"

"We've all heard of it, at least," Aang said, with a small smile.

"Chi-blocking is most effective indeed when it disrupts the flow of chi in considerable ways… it is but a temporary disturbance, yet it serves the purposes of my explanations all the same," Pathik said, gesturing at the wilderness around him. "The waters of this creek flow quite pure and freely, as there's not much in the area that could disturb it… yet, if the trees nearby were still in full bloom, if animals frequented it still, there would be obstructions, natural ones, falling into the river. Those obstructions are hardships, obstacles that could hinder the easy, smooth flow of the water. This is no different from how energy flows inside us: life is complicated, so its many complications can produce disturbances, disruptions in our energy. And when there's too many disruptions…"

"The creek can't flow," Aang concluded. Pathik smiled and nodded.

"Exactly!" he said. "But once you remove those obstacles, the energy flows, once again: little by little, the impurities within your energy can be cleansed, allowing you to attain true balance within yourself when all your chakras are properly unlocked. It shall enable you to reach your full potential as the Avatar… and of course, it shall enable your friends to unlock their own, full potential, just as well."

"Huh. Sounds interesting," Katara said, smiling positively at Pathik's explanations. "The energy inside us flows like water…"

"I wonder if we can unlock our own connection with our past lives if we do this," Kino said, eyes narrow as he tapped his chin. Sokka smiled a little.

"Might as well try, though I heard that's impossible," he said.

The guru's explanations had, however, taken his thoughts to inevitable places: to Azula and her struggles with chi corruption after her battle with the Bloodlust Spear. His heart clenched as he recalled the wound, healed into a scar upon her skin: it had cut across her shoulder's tendons, severing and corrupting her chi paths in the area. Had it reached her chakras? Perhaps her own, internal blocks had seen to stopping the stem of corruption, somehow… it could be useful to not have fully unlocked chakras, if seen that way. Still… if she opened her own chakras now, would she be able to regenerate her energy? Would this guru happen to know anything about that? It might not be the right time to ask, and perhaps it would be ridiculous to want that knowledge when his journey was only just beginning, when he couldn't bring the information to Azula all that soon…

The next location chosen by Pathik was a cavern. Hidden in the heart of the mountain, their new destination lacked lighting, so Aang and Zuko led the way with fire until they found a wide enough space in the cavern that Pathik approved of. Sokka, instinctively uncomfortable in a cave, remained tense as he took his seat among the others, all in a circle around the guru.

"There are seven pools of energy within our body, all of which are connected, joined together by our chi network, flowing into each other. Each of these pools has its own purpose and qualities, and certain kinds of emotional muck can obstruct the flow of energy that crosses through each of them," the guru started, his voice echoing against the cavernous walls. "The first chakra is located at the base of the spine: it's the earth chakra, and it deals with survival. The very foundations of your lives, your roots, your independence, all of them are related to the earth chakra."

Sokka crooked an eyebrow, uncertain of how to interpret the guru's words. Each swirl of energy within his body connected to something in particular? Did chi respond to thoughts, somehow? Was that, perhaps, one way to regenerate chi, too…?

"The earth chakra is blocked by fear: what are you afraid of? What thoughts, what memories, paralyze and prevent you from taking action when you need to? When grounded and steady, we thrive… when fearful, we tremble and break our own. So… what are your fears? Think on them, evoke them, bring them to the forefront of your mind… do not shy away from them now, or the chakra won't open as it should."

Evoking fears… a harsh first task, Sokka thought, unsure of how to proceed. It was so dark within this cave he couldn't quite tell if the others were focused already, trying to answer the questions to themselves, or if they were even more puzzled by the challenge before them than he was…

Still, he breathed in and closed his eyes, attempting to focus, as best as possible. Fears… it wasn't so hard to think on a few of them: his whole body shuddered as the image of Azula's broken body, damaged by the corruption, by Rhone's attack, manifested in his mind. A surging jolt of fear twisted his stomach painfully enough that he gasped and leaned forward: Azula, in her father's control, unable to fight back, kneeling helpless as the Fire Lord raised a fist covered in furious fire and slammed it into her…

The Fire Nation fleet, pouring in, unopposed, with no one to defend the Water Tribe. Soldiers, marching upon the village, his father and grandmother in lethal peril…

"The visions you are having… are only visions."

The voice of the guru broke through the silence, and only then did Sokka realize the others weren't faring any better than he was. His heart raced while Katara whimpered beside him. Zuko's heavy breathing echoed in the room, and Aang seemed to have nearly fallen over, much as Sokka himself. Kino's figure seemed the more composed one, though even he seemed distraught by whatever vision he had glimpsed, too.

"In recognizing your fears… you recognize what threatens your survival. It serves as a means to protect your chakra: identifying your fears is the first step in learning how to manage them and then, to let them go. To let them flow through you, the way the creek we saw flows into that waterfall… your fears can overwhelm you, they can shake you, and they will continue to do so unless you learn how to give them no more power over yourselves."

Sokka swallowed hard, breathing deeply as he rose back to his proper sitting position. Yes… he was afraid of everything he'd visualized. He had fears… countless fears. Perhaps, above all else, he feared death, not for the emptiness, blackness he expected might await him… but for the finality, the sense of knowing he would no longer have a chance to do anything to continue helping build and shape their world, or to protect those that mattered to him. This very fear had caused him to fight back, as hard as he had, in the Amateur League… it was the same fear that pushed him to do everything in his power to save Azula from Ozai's hellish demands, even while knowing he might fail at his endeavor. He had been ready to die for her while intending to make his every choice count in order to save Azula from strife.

Those fears… knowing them and acknowledging them somehow made them more real, and just so, it lessened their power. Yes, they existed… he might never be able to shake them off, but he had lived with fear all his life, hadn't he? He had learned there were many things more important than fear. He had learned to take action when fear threatened to strike… he had learned to strengthen himself when faced with the kinds of challenges he might have been better served hiding from. He had stood before his every fear, and he had refused to shy away from them… and so, he determined to do the same now. His fear wouldn't control him. He wouldn't allow fear to break his foundations and spirit: he would survive.

"That's right. Well done," the guru said: Sokka didn't know why he was certain he spoke to him, but he nodded in acknowledgement of the words, all the same.

Katara, beside him, rose back to a proper sitting position after nearly crumbling over the image of the firebender who had killed her mother, as well as Sokka's near-death state when he had been rescued by Zuko. The overwhelming terror of not seeing her father again, upon dreading he might never return from the war… all of it had gathered together in the pit of her stomach, along with the fear of losing Aang to his inner conflict merely the previous day. She had tried to help… and yet things had been resolved for the better all the same. Sokka had survived, her father had returned, Aang had returned to his usual self… and her mother had died. She gritted her teeth, clenching her fists…

"Now, now. You are almost there: let go of fear, young lady."

Katara huffed, struggling to let go of the strongest of all her fears. The fear she couldn't seem to shake… the fear of not finding her way through the darkness ever since her mother had been taken from them. She had survived, Kya had not… and she had lived out her life without her mother ever since. A tear escaped her eyes, but she breathed in and stilled herself: her mother's protection had ensured she could live on. It had seen to it that she could grow up, grow stronger… that she would no longer need to live in fear, for no firebender would ever hurt her, or her family, the way that one monster had.

That she was still here meant her fears hadn't won. She could conquer them… she would. Taking another set of deep breaths, it seemed as though each exhalation meant she was letting go of a new fear… until peace and calm settled in her heart, instead.

"Very good," said the guru, and Katara smiled, despite she suspected he couldn't see her.

Kino, beside her, released a shuddering breath before rising to his proper sitting position: his fears of being caught, dragged back to the Fire Nation… yes, he feared that enough, but somehow? He trusted it wouldn't happen. His fear of failing to find food and cover in winter… it was a perfectly valid fear, but he had friends who always supported him through those ordeals. Even his fear of authority seemed nothing now, after living alongside none other than a Prince whom he had even learned to make fun of, taking him far less seriously than he used to take every superior officer near him.

Maybe he had let go of his fears long ago, or he didn't cling to them quite as tightly as he had thought he did…?

"Hmm. Interesting," Guru Pathik said, startling Kino. "You… your earth chakra was far cleaner than it usually would be."

"Eh, hehe… guess that's a good thing?" he said, smiling guiltily. Katara, next to him, snorted with amusement.

"Well, now… are you some sort of chakra prodigy, Kino?" she asked. He grinned and shrugged.

"Might be?" he replied enigmatically.

Zuko ignored their exchange entirely, still so withdrawn in his struggle against his fears he couldn't quite pay attention to anyone else: Siku and Yuro's child… he feared that could happen to Mari or Zi, to Suki as well. He feared he might never see them again. He feared abandoning them forever… and his heart ached painfully for it. But he also feared his current mission, deeply… he feared facing his father and finding himself to still be the same weak, helpless boy who couldn't find the strength to fight back against the barrage of flames the Fire Lord had leveled at his face.

He feared he might discover his father had lied… that his mother might be dead. He feared to find that Sokka could be right, that maybe Iroh wasn't the man he had always believed he was. That perhaps he had simply been a useful puppet for his uncle and his group, all along. He feared, above all else, to prove his father right: to prove himself a failure, for his life to amount to nothing…

"Do not despair and give in to those fears. Navigate them… then surface."

Zuko clenched his fists over his lap… then he eased them. If his life were about to amount to nothing, the way he had feared it might, back when he had first returned to the Fire Nation all those years ago… wasn't it natural that the immediate response to that plight would be to make something of himself? And he had. He could fear for his family's safety because he had built something valuable with Suki… because he had fought for their family in every way he could. That was why he marched forward now: his fears over his father, over the madness he was capable of, couldn't keep him from fighting to protect those he loved. If Iroh wasn't who he thought he was… he'd learn the truth, then, and he'd decide what to do from that point onwards. Fear could be paralyzing, but it could serve as a simple warning, too. If it didn't control him… if he allowed himself to overcome it, he would learn how to move forward and protect everything he held dear.

"Very well, very well!" Guru Pathik said, and Zuko breathed out, nodding in acknowledgement: this was only the first chakra and it had already taken a considerable toll on him. He continued to breathe slowly, cleansing himself further of those fears, returning to what grounded him… to the certainties of survival, his one and only priority for far too long. He had survived so much already… no fears could stop him from doing it as many times as necessary.

Aang was the only one left: his heart was clouded by fear since the previous evening, though. He feared his past lives now, just as much as he feared the Fire Lord. Just as much as he feared losing everyone he loved for the second time. He was afraid, so afraid… and he knew it was pointless to be so scared. He knew he gained nothing from that fear, and yet…

"Let your fears flow… and then, let them go."

The guru's words reached him anew, and Aang's tense shoulders relaxed: the visions weren't real. His fears were of what could be real… but not of what was, not just yet. He hadn't made mistakes that couldn't be amended … he would fight back, just as he had learned to in the Water Tribe. He wouldn't surrender, he wouldn't run away… not anymore. Yes, he had countless fears… but they weren't stronger than his own spirit, let alone were they strong enough to break him. He was in control… and so, he relaxed his body as every fear seemed to slip through him in a gentle, simple and smooth flow.

"There we are: all five of you have opened your earth chakra," Guru Pathik announced. Aang breathed out again, smiling in satisfaction at the revelation. That had been intense… but it had been worth it.

Their next stop turned out to be further south down the mountain: Guru Pathik found a grotto behind the waterfall that brought Sokka far more memories than he'd expected to recall… memories that inevitably brought a blush to his face as he took his place among the others.

He glanced outside, past the curtain of water: he had no idea how long it had taken them to open their first chakra, but what had felt like moments certainly had to be much longer than that, for the sun rode high in the sky right now. Those visions that had presented themselves in their minds… they certainly could warp their perception of themselves, of their world, without their awareness. Perhaps that was how Aang had felt when he had entered the Avatar State, losing control of his own body to the whims of his past lives…

"Now, then… the second chakra is the water chakra," Guru Pathik announced. "It's located in the sacrum."

"The what?" Kino asked, blinking blankly.

Katara grimaced, blushing as everyone glanced at Kino with uncertainty. He genuinely appeared not to understand what the term referred to, so Guru Pathik, taking advantage of the better lighting in this location, gestured at the area in question: Kino's cheeks flushed too when the guru waved his hand over his pelvis.

"See?" Guru Pathik asked, and Kino nodded quick and bashfully. "This chakra deals with pleasure: it relates to our emotions, to our enjoyment of life… and, of course, all its many assortments of pleasure."

Many awkward smiles brought Pathik to smirk mischievously: clearly, a fair number of his initiates were well experienced in a certain manner of pleasure.

"Now, then… surely you have heard the phrase 'guilty pleasures' in the past? It is no whim that what blocks the water chakra happens to be guilt: it prevents you from truly experiencing life and understanding yourself, your needs and what brings you true enjoyment. Some people devote themselves only to this chakra, to a point of excess… it is undoubtedly an unbalanced way of life, but guilt is not the method through which to correct it. So! What do you blame yourselves for? In what aspects of your lives do you feel guilty?"

This time, some members in the group appeared unwilling, initially, to partake in the meditative process… for at least the Gladiator and the Avatar seemed to have no trouble pinpointing exactly why they felt guilt, and why it interfered with their enjoyment of life's pleasures, whatever they might be…

"Hmm… I ate all the food in the igloo when we were in that blizzard," Kino suddenly blurted out, startling the others: his eyes were closed, his mouth twisted as he spoke out loud. "And I'm always causing trouble even if I don't mean to. I feel like maybe everyone else in the Tribe could've been more useful than me on this trip, but I keep hoping I'll prove them wrong somehow. Still… I do feel guilty because I'm here, and they're not."

The whole group fell silent after Kino finished speaking. He blinked blankly as he exited his quick state of meditation, finding everyone appeared perplexed by his willingness to share his thoughts.

"W-wasn't I supposed to say it out loud?" he asked, with an awkward smile. "Eh, oops…"

"Ahaha! Feel free to share if you wish to!" Guru Pathik smiled too, as Kino lowered his head bashfully. "You must accept what has happened, the wrongs you've done. Take them in… and know that they do not define who you are, young man."

"I… huh. I guess they don't," Kino said, smiling brightly.

"H-how… how are you doing this so easily?" Katara asked, looking at him in chagrin. Kino blinked a few times and shrugged.

"Guess I'm just really in touch with my inner life, aren't I? Hehe!" Kino grinned, hands behind his head.

"Well, guess it goes to show you've got little to worry about when it comes to your usefulness for us on this trip," Sokka said, with a smirk. "You can be our team guru once we take off."

"Oh! That sounds like a great honor!" Kino said, beaming.

"Eh-hem," the Guru spoke out loud, startling the whole group. "Meditative stances, the rest of you, if you please…"

The other four grimaced, now feeling guilty for more reasons than they already did before, but they obeyed the Guru, if not so willingly, when it came to Aang and Sokka…

Zuko gritted his teeth as his visions began, just as easily as they had started before. His heart pounded inside his chest as every mistake he made seemed to parade in front of him, reminding him of just how many times he had failed to recognize his shortcomings… how many times he had disappointed those who loved him, or those whose approval he prized. Fists clenched, he found himself unsure of why he spoke out loud, too… but he did it, nonetheless:

"I feel guilty for leaving my family," he said, earnestly. Kino gasped and glanced at him, as Zuko's words broke the focus of the rest of the group. "Of leaving my wife and my daughters when I don't know if they can face the coming months without my help. I know they are strong… but I never wanted to leave. I feel guilty because… because I left the Fire Nation, too. I feel guilty for not fighting back, taking a stronger stand against my father when I had the chance. If I had… maybe I would have been able to help people who needed it more direly. Instead… I ran away. I turned my backs on them, and in doing so, many awful things happened. I wish… I wish I had been a better brother, too. After all the years that have gone by it's easier to see what I couldn't, before. I had a responsibility too in my relationship with my sister… but before we could amend that relationship fully, I left. So… I've abandoned my family in many ways. My uncle might have lost his way because I left. If I had stayed, or if I had brought him with me… maybe I wouldn't need to feel guilty for the pain he caused others. As it is… I feel guilty for more things than I can even count, these are just the ones that come to mind now."

"Allow your guilt to fester and it will consume you just as well as the fear would," Pathik said: Zuko breathed deeply and nodded. "Accept your failings. Know that, if the opportunity to do better arises, you shall. You have a right to your own happiness, to living your life as best you can: so does everyone. Your guilt feeds on your insecurities, gnawing at every thread you leave for it to cling to. Forgive yourself for those shortcomings, and you will be that much closer to finding true peace within yourself."

It was easier said than done, Zuko thought… and yet, was it? He had made these choices… he had followed his path, of his own making, into the future he had built for himself. He had worked hard, protected others… no matter how far away he might be, Suki, Mari and Zi wouldn't be alone. And he was on this journey to fight his father, wasn't he? He wanted to set things right… to ensure he could get away with no more of his cruelty, whether against common people, against Zuko's sister… against everyone. However guilty he felt… he felt strong, too, in knowing he had made the right choice now. It might not have seemed easy… but perhaps he could forgive himself for his wrongs, after all, as he took upon this journey to set things right, instead.

Once Zuko seemed to have received the proper instruction, the three remaining members of the group focused anew: Katara had little trouble unraveling her own sense of guilt as well, and a part of her suspected some people within this group might appreciate hearing her thoughts.

"I've been reckless with my emotions," she started. Zuko and Kino glanced at her, surprised that she would follow their example in speaking aloud. "I've let them rule me and guide me into making mistakes that have hurt people. They've hurt me, too, sometimes… such as when I lashed out at Kino, and he hurt me by accident. I've also hurt others with my assumptions… with my certainty that I see the world more clearly than they do when I have no way of knowing if I'm right. No, rather… when it's clear to everyone else that my vision is more clouded than I realize it is. I have ignored the words of people wiser than me, like my father or my grandmother, even of some of my friends. I have hurt them, too, in a fit of rage… such as when I hurt Zuko, both when I first met him and when he angered me in Whaletail Island. I've also spoken without considering how my words will affect others… I hurt Aang when I did that. And… I also feel guilty for pressuring those I love by trying to make them forsake what they love, just for my sake. I couldn't understand Sokka's strife and anguish. Rather… I didn't want to understand it. I was selfish… and all I wanted was my own comfort, my own peace of mind, when he was hurting. I blame myself for failing to see beyond myself, for letting my heart drive me in moments when it's leading me astray. I… I want to do my best to ensure that never happens again."

"Then… forgive yourself for those wrongs," Guru Pathik said. Katara breathed deeply and nodded. "Accept your actions… and let that guilt flow through you anew until it's replaced by that forgiveness, by the knowledge that you can and will make better choices. You are no lesser for your mistakes, for the pain that you have caused, or that has been inflicted upon you. You are not barred from finding happiness because of those mistakes."

Katara breathed deeply, smiling as the last of those words dawned on her. Her father had encouraged her to find a new path… and she had backtracked on that, impulsively returning to her starting point, over guilt. Now, though… now her own erratic actions became clear. She could be more than a guilty, terrified woman who let her emotions take the wheel. She could understand those emotions… and she could see past them and reach the right conclusions. No longer would she prioritize her own comfort over other people's suffering, no matter how foreign and unfamiliar said suffering might be. She would learn to do better.

Sokka held back the urge to reassure his sister… for he had his own struggles to face. It was so easy to see he had been ruled predominantly by this very chakra over the past years… pleasure? He'd known it on every level he could have asked for. He had enjoyed himself in ways he never had thought posible. The life he'd led, even with all its struggles and dangers, had become fun. It had been extraordinary, beautiful… and just so, one mistake had cost them everything.

Guilt was all that remained: this chakra was well and truly blocked for him. His heart had overflown with a sense of peace once, and now it had been replaced with endless sorrow. Guilt… he had been in the South Pole, living his life as best he could, even if it was by her express request: Azula, however, had to be suffering ordeals he could barely imagine while he lived peacefully. He couldn't stand the thought… for it drove him mad with concern for her, and with guilt for his unfairly better lot in life compared to hers. He felt guilt for every wrong choice he had made when it came to her… maybe he had made less of those as time went by, but he had committed numerous blunders anyway. Guilt had eaten away at him after she had been wounded terribly by the Bloodlust Spear and Rhone… guilt she had chased away by showing him not only that she didn't blame him, but that he could help her recover in an unexpected, unique way. But that feeling wasn't completely gone: it was latent, it remained… and within it spiraled so much more guilt than he felt ready to confront.

Every wrong choice he'd ever made, every bad mistake… he had certainly learned to live with them, but forgive himself? It was a concept he couldn't quite grasp. Had he held back with Azula from the first moment, he would have never broken her heart at all, not in the early points in their partnership nor in its last stages either. Had he set aside his need of survival, his fear of death, countless dead men would be alive now in his place. Had he acted any differently, had he been any more responsible as a child, Rhone might never have become the dreadful man he grew up to be. His parents might have never attempted to kill Katara in retaliation for the perceived destruction of their own son, and his mother might still be alive. Azula would have never been wounded, because Rhone wouldn't have become a man with enough darkness to rival and compare to that which fueled the Bloodlust Spear…

"Now, now: you cannot allow your guilt to overcome you. Accept all these things happened, just as all true joy and pleasure did, too. Our pursuit of pleasure can certainly unbalance us, but never lose sight of reality: you are not responsible for others' choices. Just as you condemn yourself for the misfortunes that befell your friend, the cruelty he was capable of, you forget he only had a chance to live on because you saved him. In your choices, you have done your best to honor those whose lives you had to take. And the one you love… she loved you just the same. The harm that has come as a consequence of your devotion can consume you… but you are here because you won't allow it to destroy you, aren't you?"

The guru's sharp analysis of what sorrows dwelled in Sokka's heart, sorrows he couldn't speak out loud the way the others had, seemed to slam into him like a battering ram. His guilt… he carried so much of it, all the time, but in the end…

"You're not as bad as you think you are, you know. You've just spent such a long time telling yourself that you are that you've ended up believing your own pretense."

He shivered in place, as new tears surged in his eyes. His fists, tight upon his lap, trembled where they were.

"If you can forgive me for all the wrong I've done to you, then it's time you learn to forgive yourself too. We've both made mistakes, whether to hurt ourselves, each other or others around us. Obsessing about fixing every single one of those mistakes, though, might not help at all."

Oh, she had been so much wiser than she ever knew… she would have done far better than him at this whole chakra opening business, Sokka thought, as he smiled a little as her voice echoed in his mind anew. Yes, he had felt guilt for so many things, for so many mistakes… but she had forgiven him. She had decided there was something more under the surface, more to him than the sum of his wrongdoings, much as he had seen her in the same light. Together, they had learned to rely on each other and find strength in their bond, strength enough to stave off that guilt… to raise their heads and face the future, no longer burdened by the failings of their past.

"It's… hard," Sokka managed to say, out loud. "I've let my guilt shape me… every bit as much as I've let my happiness guide me. Guilt for misunderstanding others, for jumping to conclusions… guilt for mistakes I can't take back, mistakes that might have cost those I love far too much. I have trouble forgiving myself for it all… for the deaths I've caused, whether by my own hand or indirectly. I have tried to live with these burdens as best as I could, but… I carry them with me, wherever I may go."

"You are strong enough to carry those burdens, for you wouldn't be here if you hadn't been," the guru spoke next. "But perhaps it is time to ask yourself if you must carry those burdens at all: haven't you honored those you wronged most? Haven't you made amends for your mistakes and for others' too, even?"

"Even at the end… when I stood by the funerary pyre of someone I once had cared for, and grew to despise," Sokka said, closing his eyes tightly. "His choices led him there…"

"And your choices led you to stay true to who you are, didn't they? To face the consequences of your actions with your head held high, even when the fire swirled towards you…"

"I had nothing to hide. Nothing to live in fear of anymore. It wasn't wrong, loving her… it never has been," Sokka said, shuddering as the tears spilled down his cheeks again. His tight fists clenched again. "Maybe we did lose balance, along the way… but the lives we led were beautiful, even so."

"Acknowledging a problem is the best way to remediate it," Guru Pathik nodded in Sokka's direction, though his eyes remained closed, and he missed the gesture.

"I've made bad mistakes for sure," Sokka said, breathing deeply. "They are a thing of the past now: I can't take them back, but I can do better. That's why I'm here. My guilt shaped me so far… but my knowledge of what's right pushed me forward, no matter how hard it could be to think past this blockage. In doing so… I guess I've broken past the block anyway, no matter if every time I look back I find there's so much I could have done better, so much I should have done better…"

"You have skipped past it, yes… but you haven't forgiven yourself, not yet, even when many others have forgiven you, by now. Your tribe loved you unconditionally… your family loved you unconditionally, the woman you loved did just as well. Your wrongdoings have been forgiven by them, long before you even thought to forgive yourself," Guru Pathik smiled. "Isn't it wonderful to have so many kind-hearted loved ones as you do?"

"Yeah…" Sokka said, with a small smile of his own.

"Perhaps it is time to let go of that guilt… don't you think?" Pathik asked. Sokka swallowed hard… and he nodded.

"I… I guess so," he said. "Maybe it's time I… I let myself be more than the sum of my mistakes."

"You always have been," the guru said. Sokka's chest ached: somehow, he could hear Azula's voice in his heart, echoing those words.

And so, for the first time since he was a child, since the dark day in which Rhone had fallen behind, trapped in that cave… for the first time in well over twenty years, Sokka released a breath and, with it, he released the chains that had clung to his soul. When he drew in fresh air anew, he felt revitalized and bare, bereft of the twisting, encroaching pain he had grown used to, for so long… for all his life, truly. His pleasure, his happiness and his emotions didn't warrant being shackled and burdened by his sorrows. He could step forward and face the future, aware of where he'd gone wrong… but no longer so ready to let those wrongdoings consume him. Of all unwanted burdens, this one in particular had taken a bigger toll on his soul than he realized… it only seemed fitting that his pursuit of pleasure, that his profound, massive blockage of guilt, would have been the likeliest culprits for his own unbalanced chi and chakras.

"Well done," the guru said, smiling at Sokka. "You were certainly heavily burdened in this area… though I will also tell you to be cautious not to let this particular chakra guide you too strongly. Balance, as you know…"

"Is the goal and the right way to go about things. I know," Sokka said, smiling a little as he dabbed his eyes quickly, doing away with the lingering tears.

"So, while being overcome by guilt isn't the answer… neither is being a hedonist."

"I… what?" Sokka blinked blankly, feeling heat rushing to his cheeks. "I'm not…! I-I mean…! Hey!"

The guru laughed, as did some of his friends: immediately, Sokka wondered if his awakened chakra would close up again, but he huffed at the thought. He might have allowed pleasure to guide him a little too much, in the past… but if he had let go of his guilt, it meant he'd let it go in that respect too. He didn't regret making the most of every moment he had shared with Azula, whether those of physical or emotional intimacy, or even the simple, pure enjoyment of each other and the valuable bond they shared.

One member of their group, however, appeared far too overtaken by his guilt to even hear the guru's advice to Sokka. Aang gritted his teeth, snarling at himself… unable to control his overflowing energy that swirled in every wrong way, it seemed.

"Oh, dear…" Pathik said, glancing at the Avatar. "Aang…"

"I can't… can't forgive myself when my mistakes have cost so much, Guru Pathik," he said, shuddering. "Everything my past lives showed me, everything I have taken for granted… I can't do it. I can't just pretend I can live with it, when all I want to do is… is turn back time and change everything. B-but I can't do that, I can't do anything, I…"

"Aang, you must learn to let go of that guilt. To accept what has occurred…"

"I can't do it. I don't know how, not after this…"

Pathik sighed: Aang remained shrunken in place, clinging to his guilt even more powerfully than Sokka had held onto his own. Katara gazed at him mournfully as Kino bit his lip, unsure of how to help his friend. Zuko frowned, though, understanding easily why the Avatar couldn't forsake his guilt: guilt was, on great measure, what had pushed him into starting this journey. The Avatars' intervention had only made it worse… and now he was so overcome with it that he couldn't see anything past that guilt.

"I… I'm afraid I may need more time with Aang," Guru Pathik said, glancing at the other four. "This won't be easy… but I'm certain we can work through this. All of you can take a break for now, however! Aang and I shall find you once he's ready."

The sudden setback didn't come as much of a surprise… though what surprised each member of the group was finding that, as desperate as they had been to move forward to the next stage of their journey, everyone seemed to understand that they needed to be patient until Aang resolved his difficulty with this second chakra. Perhaps the upcoming chakras would be a struggle for them, too… but all around, this strange process had been liberating thus far, filling them with a different kind of emotional, spiritual strength than any they had known.

"Alright," Sokka said, nodding in Pathik's direction as he and the rest rose from their seat at the grotto's floor. "We'll go back to the Temple."

Pathik offered him a confident smile: Sokka wasn't all that sure of how, exactly, the guru could be so sure his attempt to reach Aang wouldn't fail, but he hoped he was right to believe as much. Without another word to distract the Avatar and his spiritual guide, the four took off silently, retreading their steps until, after about twenty minutes worth of a hike, they were back in the Temple's premises.

"Woah… either the day goes by too fast or we were in there for way longer than I thought," Kino flinched, realizing it was already sunset. "And we skipped lunch…"

"We can try to have a stronger dinner, then," Katara offered, smiling at the other three. "Momo, the lemur, found fruit for Aang in both our journeys here… surely you guys can find some too, both for us and for him, when he's done?"

Sokka nodded, and Kino offered her a thumbs up: she and Zuko set up the stew, based on the food they'd packed in the south and brought with them, while the two non-benders worked together to gather enough fruit to satiate their hunger: opening their chakras had been a difficult process, but it seemed all their newly swirling energy, pooling in their two awakened chakras, had also awakened their appetites.

Despite intending to wait for Aang, the darkening skies and the surging hunger eventually overcame his friends' with need for nourishment: they left plenty of fruit for the Avatar, but the Water Tribe siblings and the two deserters of the Fire Nation ate ravenously, sitting with Appa and Momo by a small fire they'd set up in the courtyard, where the sky bison had waited for them.

An hour after their feast was finished, Kino took to resting against Appa's large fur. Zuko did the same, though at a safe distance from the sloppy sleeper. Katara and Sokka didn't seize their chance to rest properly just yet: the Gladiator waited silently, sitting against a wall, hoping to catch the sound of footsteps that would reveal Aang was finished with his complicated process of opening the water chakra… just then, his sister approached him, taking her own seat beside him.

"This journey hasn't been what I expected it to be, so far," she confessed. Sokka smiled a little, raising his eyebrows in her direction.

"Want more action and less introspection?" he asked. Katara laughed and shook her head.

"Not really. If anything… I'm kind of happy for it. It feels like he's preparing us for the hardships we'll face in the next months," she said. "I know you might be a little desperate to get going as fast as possible, and I don't really blame you, if you are. But… you've felt it too, right? The change inside us. The way each chakra unlocks…"

"I felt it more strongly with this last one," Sokka admitted. "I guess I'd practically blocked this chakra altogether. Too much guilt, a lot of it related to, well…"

"To the pleasure you'd found and chased?" Katara asked, with a weak smile. "I'm not judging you, to be honest, I… I've been pretty bad about this chakra, too. I didn't even realize it, but… I've always kept all sorts of pleasure at bay because of my guilt. The minute my guilt flared up again, I'd feel so bad about any sort of happiness I'd felt and I'd just… I'd just reject all that happiness, and I'd hurt others by doing that, just as much as I'd hurt myself. However much of a hedonist you were, I'll hope you never did that…"

"Ha-ha," Sokka scoffed, as Katara chuckled at his reaction. "I… don't really know if I'd say I was a hedonist. I mean, sure, I… well. Uh… okay, maybe it's not as undeserved as I thought it was…"

"You don't need to elaborate," Katara laughed.

"But anyway… I did feel unworthy of my happiness because of my guilt many times. Didn't stop me, though, because… I wanted to make her happy, above all else," Sokka said, softly. "I slowed down to think about it, once… how I'd spent so long being so keen on making her happy that I barely ever slowed down to think of how amazing it was that Azula loved me and did all the crazy things she did for me."

"Uh-huh…"

"Oh, I don't mean…! Well, I don't mean ONLY in bed…"

"I said don't elaborate," Katara grimaced, covering her ears with her hands. Sokka slapped her elbow, rolling his eyes with mild amusement.

"She did heaps of things for me, including taking an extra day on our journey to Whaletail Island just so I could hang out with you, you prude," Sokka scoffed. Katara winced at that, offering Sokka a weak smile. "She went out of her way to give me… well, the most unforgettable birthday week ever. She made a fool of herself several times just to give me something to laugh about. She worked just as hard for my happiness as I did for hers, and I was so hung up on making sure she would be happy that I didn't really slow down to think about what it meant for someone to do everything she'd done for me until… until that night, just before my birthday. I cherished everything, of course I did, but… my guilt didn't really stop me, if anything, it motivated me to keep trying, perhaps to a point where I was losing myself in it, even in the midst of pleasure? If… if that makes sense?"

"It sounds very weird, but I believe you," Katara smiled, patting her brother's shoulder. "To be honest, Sokka, I… I guess we've both opened these chakras, but there's quite a few things I probably need to do to open mine for good? And the first of them is… is apologizing to you."

"To me?" Sokka raised an eyebrow. Katara nodded, biting her lip.

"You were right about… about why I kept rejecting your explanations, your truths, at first. I felt more comfortable, I could live with it much more easily if I kept believing Azula had just manipulated you and driven you to think more highly of her than she deserved. Not only was it unfair of me to think you were so gullible as to let someone treat you that way, when I know you're one of the smartest people in the world…"

"Wait now, did you really just say…?"

"And simultaneously one of the silliest, so don't let it go to your head," Katara scoffed, poking his forehead with her fingertip. Sokka smiled at her reaction, however. "Anyway, it was also unfair of me… to want your unhappiness, in a sense, if it meant I could have peace of mind. You know this has been hard for me to wrap my head around, but… I know it has been much harder for you to live with all this pain, with all this guilt, and I know I must have only made it even worse for you."

"You didn't really make it worse…" Sokka said, softly. "It was so bad that even your worst snippy moments didn't really add much to how bad I felt, back when I first returned to the Water Tribe…"

"And that makes me feel so much better," Katara said, rolling her eyes. Sokka smiled. "I'm just saying… I'm your sister. I torment you and mess with you all I can, true, but… I'm supposed to be here for you, just as you are there for me, and I failed you when you were at a low point because I kept thinking about my own outrage and peace of mind instead of your wellbeing. I guess, with all the stories you told Mari, and what you explained to me, Aang and Kino at the settlement that day… it just hit me like an avalanche that I have no right to decide what your grief's supposed to look like, or what you grieve for, outright. But I just kept my realizations to myself, like an idiot, and…"

"Now, now. Don't say that sort of stuff or your chakra will block again," Sokka said. Katara smiled and shook her head.

"That's exactly why I'm saying it. Because I'm sorry, Sokka," she whispered, reaching for his hand. "I… I can't pretend I understand your bond with her, even now. I won't lie and say I can put aside all my misgivings just like that… I'm not great at managing my emotions, as everyone's been able to tell. But… I am sorry for every time I said anything that hurt you, every time I acted like an idiot and pushed you away because you'd loved someone and I couldn't accept it. I'll let go of that guilt, but… I really needed you to know I'm sorry before I could let it go for good."

Sokka smiled a little before wrapping an arm around his sister's shoulders. Katara clung to him, face pressed to his shoulder as they savored their new reconciliation.

"I hope you can put those misgivings aside, sooner than later…" Sokka said, still smiling. "Because, if you do get to know her better, you might just end up realizing she's the coolest person in the world."

"Heh. That's what I'm most afraid of," Katara smiled teasingly, causing Sokka to laugh. "You… you really think she and I could get along, then? Be friends, even?"

"It's a terrible idea for me, of course, since it'd mean you'd swap embarrassing stories about me all the time, and if you join forces to poke fun at me, I'll never survive…" Sokka smirked, as Katara chuckled. "But yeah, Katara. I do think you two could get along, and be great friends and… and sisters-in-law, heh."

"Of course. Well, then… I'll look forward to that," Katara smiled, patting her brother's back gently.

"You don't really have to apologize for all this, though…" Sokka said. "I mean, it wasn't fun, but I understand why it was hard for you, for everyone, to accept it. If you'd been any readier to accept it, I probably would've lost my mind because I would've thought I didn't deserve all your kindness and unconditional family love and whatnot…"

"Well, now you know, you dork, that you deserve that and more," Katara said, stubbornly. "Bet she and I would agree on that much, at the very least."

"Yeah… probably," Sokka smiled weakly: thinking of himself as a common point for Azula and Katara to get along someday… it sounded idyllic, hard to believe even, but he would welcome it, if that was the case.

Opening their chakras was a complicated process, clearly… and one that had only just begun. As Katara relaxed against him, slowly drifting into sleep, Sokka's eyes raked the skies above, clear and dotted with stars. What he was learning with the guru's influence might truly serve more purposes than he could imagine right now… yet his primary hope was for his chi to remain connected to Azula's. He hoped their spiritual bond would never break, regardless of the distance between them… and, if so, that perhaps through that ethereal, distant connection, she might be affected by his gradually unlocked chakras. If she was, they might help her replenish her health further.

She was so far away… but he could still feel her, and his heart raced at the thought of seeing her again. He suspected he might relapse with guilt sometimes, that it might be easier to set it aside on some days than on others… but for now, he found peace in the notion of returning to her side… of finding his way back home to the Princess whose lifeforce would always be entwined with his own.

---

It was hard, at times, for Azula to stick to the plan and not show herself more friendly than appropriate with Wen when Rei was around… most of all when Song gave her reasons to smile vindictively, as she had just now.

"I have to say… I never thought someone as slight as myself could terrify a man well over a decade older than myself," Song was saying, with soft chuckles.

"Your bad temper must be even more fearsome than your endless rambling," Azula smiled. "I mean, think about it: merge both things together and that means you'd have impossibly long scolding sessions with anyone who makes you mad."

"I suppose that's why it took me so long to wrap it up, then," Song snickered. "I know you must have wanted to do it yourself… but I kind of enjoyed avenging you with Fei Rou, if just a bit. Honestly, if he'd at least sent someone else to help with your shoulder I wouldn't have had that much reason to do it…"

"He seems to think that he alone can take care of royals, or so," Azula smiled, shaking her head. "A point of blind pride on his part, I suppose… or maybe the other physicians are that unreliable?"

"Maybe," Song said, shaking her head. "But if that's how it is, he has even less of an excuse! You went months without any treatment, how the hell does he think you'll get any better without it? Ugh, it's maddening! So, yeah, I've made sure to set him straight now, and he's sworn he'll gather all the ingredients I asked him to find. Though, as you know, the tonic I'll make for your chi's condition won't be enough to fix your injury all by itself…"

"I'll make sure to do my exercises, yes…" Azula said, with a teasing, droning voice. Song smirked at her. "I did go on a walk today too, didn't I? I'm doing what you expected of me, Wen."

"I suppose so," Song said, biting her lip. "Though… you know? I've been thinking I'll have to stick around after the birth too, to make sure you make a full recovery, not just from birthing but from all this chi corruption, too. You shouldn't bend much yet, that much is a given… but you'll plan on getting back to it later, right?"

"I… yeah. Of course," Azula said: later? Later when? What sort of later was there to look forward to?

It seemed that this subject had been on Song's mind lately: she wanted to find out what Azula's intentions would be after her child's birth. Where Azula had been a visionary in the past, however, she couldn't quite see anything beyond that point in her future. She wanted to ensure Xin Long was free before then… and she'd likely have Song running away somehow, taking the baby with her. She wouldn't be able to do it alone, so perhaps Renkai would have to go with her, and…

And Rei? Azula glanced at the young woman, who was focused on her task as she poured tea by one of Azula's cabinets. The sight of it brought memories, of course… of the tea she had brewed so often, the tea her damn uncle had pretended could have made her sterile. She nearly scoffed at the recollection, finding her so-called sterility had been well and truly disproven by now: the baby was still growing steadily within her, as far as Song could tell, although Azula's frequent visits to the bathroom had decreased… well, for the sake of vomit, that was. Instead, she visited it for other purposes now: according to the healer, the changes in her body as it prepared to accommodate the baby meant that her bladder would be under new pressures. Within the space of two hours, Azula had needed to relieve herself around five times, for Song insisted that she had to continue drinking plenty of water to ensure the process wouldn't wreak havoc over her sensitive body. The tea they would drink now was, as well, part of Song's ideas to ensure Azula wouldn't dehydrate herself with her frequent bathroom visits.

That wasn't the only change so far, however: her nails appeared to be growing twice as fast as usual, which certainly had taken her by surprise. She had always preferred keeping her nails long, but now she found herself filing them down each morning to keep their length manageable. And today she had woken up to find that, after thoroughly washing her hair the previous day, it was somehow oily and felt thicker than ever before. Even now, distracted by Song's chatter, she found herself frequently running a hand through her tresses, aware that she'd need to wash it all over again today, as thoroughly as possible. It was, again, a symptom of her changing hormones, from what Song had explained… these small inconveniences were new reminders of her condition just when Azula had thought it might slip her mind more easily lately, as her frequent nausea finally had started to fade.

None of that, though, had anything to do with whatever future might await Rei after Azula's child was born. Azula would have cherished her companionship if she kept her around after the birth… but would it be what was best for the young woman? If either Ozai or Zhao found out the truth about Azula's child's true father, if they couldn't be tricked into believing it had been a stillborn or anything as heartbreaking as that… wouldn't they target Rei for not finding out the truth about Azula's deceit, or at least, not informing them about it? Perhaps she would be better off running away along with Song…

The young woman turned around just then, smiling brightly as she approached them. She had prepared the tea herself and she had been quite enthusiastic about sharing it with Azula and her midwife. She had gradually taught herself how to successfully brew tasteful tea during her years in Zhao's estate, ever hoping to provide better service as the Admiral's maid, back in those days. She believed she had improved at the task over time, and she truly hoped her tea would be up to the Princess's standards… though her giddy anticipation seemed quite out of place to Azula upon realizing there were only two cups on the tray Rei was bringing to her bedside.

"You know, I did call Wen a pain in the ass a few times this week…" Azula said, and Rei slowed on her footsteps upon realizing she was addressing her.

"Three times and counting," Song reminded Azula, grinning as Azula rolled her eyes.

"And you're proud of it, to boot," she smiled. "Hopeless woman, I swear… but anyways, Rei, even if she drives me crazy sometimes, she deserves a reward for her good work at terrorizing Fei Rou. You could have poured a cup of tea for her, too."

"Uh… oh! This is hers!" Rei gasped, gesturing at one of the two cups quickly. Azula frowned.

"Then… I'm not getting any? Guess you heard I'm not the biggest fan of tea…" she asked, with a lop-sided smile. Rei gasped again.

"No! This one is yours…!"

"You're way too good at math not to realize there's three people here, and only two cups on that tray," Azula laughed, eyeing Rei in disbelief. "Unless you didn't make enough for three, in which case I suppose you could share with Wen…"

"Oh, I'd share with you for sure!" Song smiled at Rei, who was already blushing over Azula's amusement, and only blushed further at Song's offer.

"The fact of the matter is… there aren't three cups here and I don't understand that," Azula finished, with eyebrows raised. "You're not seriously trying to say you prepared all this and expected not to enjoy it yourself…?"

"W-well, I… thought I'd sit over there with my tea and work on my ideograms," Rei said, with a weak smile. "I did pour one for myself, but I left it at the desk…"

"Oh, but you can take a break for now, can't you?" Song smiled. "Join us! You've been cleaning all morning as it is, might as well catch your breath with us for a change."

"B-but… is it really okay?" Rei asked: her eyes settled on an empty area of the mattress, right by Azula. Song sat lower down the bed, still with a careless casual air that Azula immediately pinpointed as the source of Rei's insecurities.

"You can pull up a chair, if you don't feel like climbing on the bed," Azula said. Rei's cheeks reddened, but she nodded as she offered them the contents of her tray.

"I… I will do that," she said. Song smiled fondly as she picked up her teacup.

"Thank you for brewing for us, Rei," she said. Azula followed her example, picking up the second teacup: the scent certainly had nothing in common with the tea she had grown so used to during the past years. Perhaps, after so long without even drinking the brew that had grown on her over time, this new batch of tea might be a welcome change of pace.

"Let's see how it is, then…" Azula whispered, bringing the cup to her lips.

Rei clenched the empty tray to her chest, waiting nervously for Azula's verdict. That the Princess made no faces of distaste was a good sign, Rei hoped…

"Have I just been having tea wrong my whole life…?" Azula said, once she lowered the cup: Rei blinked blankly, gaping at her in hopeful silence. "This is… it's by far the best brew I've ever tasted."

"Eh? N-no, that's not…!" Rei's flustered words seemed strung up, flying out of her as a kite might: she liked it! She had done it properly, and the Princess liked it! "T-that's not possible, surely…!"

"I was never much of a fan of tea, like I said," Azula smiled at her, and Rei's excitement seemed to pause upon hearing those words. "But then I spent years drinking a brew with a very strange taste, and… well, I suppose I grew to appreciate other kinds of tea after so long of drinking one of its worst possible brews."

"I doubt it was one of the worst," Song smirked, nudging Azula's leg gently. Azula scoffed. "Seriously! There's bound to be absolutely horrid ways to brew tea that you've never so much as heard of, herbs that would make you wish you didn't have a tongue so you couldn't taste it…"

"That's how all tea was for me before, mind you…"

"Seriously, now? Oh, I'm just saying, whatever awful brew you did drink…"

"It was bad. Very bad. And this is an incredible upgrade," Azula said, cuttingly – she knew Song had tasted the very tea she spoke of, and Azula wasn't sure if the reality of their previous acquaintance might be recognizable if they bickered about it too much. Perhaps there were worse tea brews, really… but as it was, she didn't need to know if there were any. "Thus, from now on, we only drink Rei's tea."

"Eh?" Rei gasped, cheeks red again as Song chuckled and sipped the drink. Within a moment, she had let out a cry of delight.

"I second that statement! Goodness, what did you put in it? It's… it's wonderful!" Song sighed, drinking some more – though not too much, as she didn't want it to run out too quickly.

Rei giggled, holding the tray tightly as she let herself bask in the reactions of both the Princess and the midwife. Her tea had seldom received much response, and she let herself wonder if, perhaps, they were exaggerating their excitement to cheer her up… even if that were the case, however, she cherished their reactions all the same: for the first time in her life, Rei truly believed she had made friends.

She dashed off to the desk, setting the tray aside and collecting her chair first. After setting it down by the Princess's bedside, she picked up her own teacup and joined the two women once more: Azula relaxed with her head against the backrest of her ornate bed, savoring her tea as best she could.

"Or maybe my tastebuds haven't really changed that much…" she said: Rei's eyebrows rose as Azula frowned, staring down her body, at her pelvic area. "And my newfound love for tea could be this one's fault instead."

"It is ridiculously tasty even for me, so it might not be the baby," Song smiled. Azula scoffed.

"Maybe you're pregnant too and you don't know it," she decided. Song huffed, narrowing her eyes in Azula's direction.

"If I were…" she said, her voice menacing… "That'd make our babies best friends from the womb! What a fascinating concept!"

"Ugh, universe help me, what have I unleashed…?" Azula groaned, as Rei laughed quietly at Song's ridiculous reaction.

"Could it be possible?" Rei asked, though, surprising Song. "I mean… could you be pregnant, too?"

"Eh? Uh, well, not likely, not likely," Song smiled awkwardly, waving a hand in Rei's direction.

"It could have been funny, maybe…" Rei grinned. "But I suppose not. Though… are you married, Lady Wen? Or…?"

"Eh, well, I was going to be, but, you know… this and that," Song said, with an awkward smile. Azula's own careless enthusiasm dwindled, pained upon watching Song deflecting the question that no doubt had driven emotional thoughts into her heart. "If the time's right, I might just get married sometime in the future."

"I hope it goes well, when it happens," Rei said, smiling warmly at Song. The midwife sighed but nodded, sipping what was left of the tea, to avoid spilling more information than she should have.

"At any rate, I don't know if you should experience urges to eat anything unusual quite just yet," Song declared, glancing at Azula again. "So I'm afraid you can't blame the little one for your newfound taste for tea. It's all Rei's fault, all of it…"

"M-my fault…?" Rei blinked blankly. Azula smiled and shook her head.

"Ignore her. If you happen to be the sole person in the world who can make tea to my liking, why, clearly that would be a good thing," she said.

Rei smiled again, raising the teacup to her lips once more. To think a Princess and her highborn companion had proven to be some of the kindest people she'd ever known…

Rei was almost finished with her tea, and she had made up her mind to offer the others a refill, when a light knock on the door disturbed their peaceful afternoon. Azula's brow immediately drew together, distrustful, but Song reassured her by patting her knee gently over the bed's covers and rising to her feet.

"I'll check what's going on," she said. "You can stay right there, Princess."

"Sure," Azula sighed: her glare remained set on the door, scowling at it with distrust. Rei bit her lip as she finished her drink, hoping this sudden visitor wouldn't represent a problem for the Princess.

Song pulled the door open to find Renkai on the other side: a physician stood with him, not Fei Rou, yet he looked just as anxious as the Head Physician often did. Azula raised her eyebrows with curiosity as Renkai conveyed what the man had come to the Princess's room for.

"It seems whatever ingredients you ordered are ready, Lady Wen," Renkai announced. Song gasped, glancing at the physician, who offered her a weak grin.

"W-we are sorry for the delay and the carelessness with, um, well, everything…"

"My! That was quick!" she grinned. "Well, then… uh, you could help me with that, couldn't you, Renkai?"

"I… suppose," Renkai said, glancing at Azula with uncertainty. The Princess waved a hand dismissively in his direction, giving him her leave to offer Song his assistance. "Very well then, I'll do it."

"We can take it to my room, I'll just prepare everything there every morning and bring it to the Princess later, don't want to hog up her room with supplies…" Song said, with a careless smile she turned towards Azula and Rei next. "Have some more tea, Princess! I'll be back shortly!"

"Right," Azula said, nodding in her direction.

She let out a deep breath once the door closed behind Song and Renkai once more: it took her but a moment to blink awareness to herself as she glanced at Rei with a smile.

"Feels like it's been forever since it was just you and me, huh? Though Wen has only been here for a few weeks," she said. Rei smiled and nodded.

"Lady Wen has made things much livelier," Rei said. Azula shrugged slightly.

"And much noisier. I think she enjoyed your tea so much it made her fall silent for the longest time since she first got here," Azula smirked. Rei laughed and shook her head.

"Maybe…"

"Means you'll have to make more of it, for sure," Azula determined, closing her eyes as she rested against the headboard again. "Though I suppose you'll be wanting to work on your studies now?"

"I… I do, though…" Rei started, but as usual, she trailed off without finishing her thoughts. Azula raised her eyebrows.

"You don't want to yet? You can take a break for longer…"

"No, I do, but… I've been having some trouble with the math books," Rei admitted. Azula grimaced.

"Huh. Well, I can try to help, if I happen to remember whatever you were learning," she said.

"Oh, I appreciate it, but… it's not that I can't understand the concepts, I'm just struggling to perform the operations properly?" she said, brushing her hair with her fingers nervously. "I… I know you've showed me more kindness than anyone of my station deserves, but…"

"What makes you think you don't deserve it?" Azula asked, eyeing the maid skeptically. Rei blushed, but she continued her previous sentence instead of answering her question.

"I would like to ask you for a favor, if… if it's possible," she said, softly. Azula hummed.

"Well, depends on what the favor is, of course. If you want to abandon math and get a dragon moose, that's not quite within my range of doable favors, but…"

"No!" Rei laughed, shaking her head. "Not that, I don't want to abandon it at all…"

"I don't think I've ever known anyone who likes math nearly as much as you do," Azula smiled fondly at Rei. "Well, maybe Goro liked it too, but his particular passion was studying stars…"

"Oh? Who is he?" Rei asked, intrigued. Azula smiled and shook her head.

"A person from my past. An acquaintance, I suppose… a nobleman who prefers to spend his fortune and days investigating the stars," Azula explained. Rei appeared utterly fascinated upon hearing that. "Anyway, what is this favor you want? Like I said, if I can pull it off, I will…"

"I just… need an abacus."

Azula froze at Rei's bashful request. Her lips parted as her eyebrow rode higher on her forehead, still puzzled by what Rei had asked for. Soon enough, she was smiling weakly.

"All this preamble… for an abacus?" she asked, amused. Rei blushed again. "Here I thought you'd ask us to swap rooms for one night or so, or maybe permission to go out and watch a theater play during your work hours…"

"N-no… I just need an abacus," Rei said, biting her lip. "Some operations are, well… difficult to keep track of? So, well, I… I don't really know how to use one, it's true, but I hoped…"

"Well, I do remember how to use them, so I can teach you that, if nothing else," Azula smiled, setting down her empty teacup on her nightstand.

"Oh, you don't have to… if you tell me where it is, I can fetch it myself," Rei said. Azula shook her head.

"A generous offer… but as it happens, I can't quite remember where I put it," she shrugged. Rei blinked blankly. "My old abacus is a relic from my past in the Royal Academy for Girls, you see…"

"Oh… then you haven't used it at all since then?" Rei asked, smiling a little.

"Well, I didn't need to… so no," Azula shrugged, pushing her covers off her body and slipping her legs off the mattress.

Song's insistent recovery regime would likely yield results eventually, but for now, Azula's body seemed to resent any form of workout that truly required effort. Her legs hurt after the walks she'd taken lately, but she forced herself to stand on them, nonetheless.

"I… I don't mean to pry," Rei said, as she rose to her feet too, following Azula quietly to the nearest set of cabinets in the room. "But you don't seem to have liked your time in the Royal Academy for Girls…?"

"Oh, I hated it," Azula clarified, and Rei raised her eyebrows, surprised. "While I suppose you could say there were a few upsides, and I did make my first two real friends there… the downsides were far greater, all in all. Nothing I learned there was anything I couldn't have learned through other means, and with better lessons than the ones we were given back in the day. I used to overwork myself spontaneously, doing more schoolwork than the other girls in hopes that it would encourage the teachers to give us genuinely challenging lessons… they never did change their methods, though they praised me for my initiative, and then the girls in the class despised me for causing the teachers to expect more work from them than they cared to do. In the end… there's not a lot of positive things I'd say about that place, not at all."

"Huh…" Rei followed her with her gaze as Azula took to rummaging through cabinets, some mostly empty, others filled with inks and inkstones, orderly papers, then jewelry boxes, a few hair adornments she didn't ever wear… "You seemed so surprised that I hadn't gone to school, so I thought you liked it, but… I guess not."

"School… is a necessity, I have no trouble acknowledging that," Azula sighed, closing the newest cabinet, frowning. "I'd hope, frankly, that public schools would do better at teaching their students useful skills rather than how to perform tea ceremonies… I was terrible at that, and I have never needed to perform one in my whole life ever since I went to school. The firebending lessons? They were average at best, pointless at worst, and I had far better tutors here than the ones they provided… and they were non-bending tutors, to boot. Imagine just how bad their firebenders were, huh?"

Azula raised her eyebrows with that last question, and Rei giggled quietly at Azula's cutting judgment of her old schoolteachers.

"Then there were the ones who'd supposedly teach us basic housekeeping lessons," Azula recited, rolling her eyes. "Never did I learn how to cook, though, so when I got lost in a forest, I could have died because they never prepared me for surviving on my own, not for real…"

"You… got lost?" Rei asked. Azula smiled weakly and nodded.

"A long time ago," she clarified. "And nothing they taught me in school served me for anything then. The one time I tried to make use of their sewing lessons, well… I proved myself fully deserving of the lowest of my grades ever. I sucked at it entirely, couldn't make heads or tails of how the stitches went together… I was just grateful, really, that I was a royal and wasn't likely to need to sew at all in my daily life."

"I don't like sewing either," Rei smiled, shaking her head. "It makes me nervous. I… messed up with the fabric once, and sewed both sides of one shirt together…"

"Ah! So it happened to you too, then!" Azula gasped, smiling as Rei giggled at their surprising common ground. "Well, it's settled: if someone rips their clothes in this room, Wen is designated to fix them."

"I hope she'll be better at it than we are."

"Oh, of course she… she must be," Azula corrected herself, quickly. She didn't need Rei to realize Azula had seen Song's sewing handiwork for herself, during a rather chaotic morning in which her ripped shirt had needed to be mended…

The thought slowed her on her tracks, as the barrage of memories struck her like a storm. But she breathed deeply, shaking her head before turning to Rei with an awkward smile.

"Can't find any of my school things around here, so… I guess we're checking the other side of the room now," she said. Rei nodded and followed Azula dutifully, as the Princess rubbed her chin. "I mean, it's entirely possible that my old staff would throw away everything I didn't make much use of anymore, but… that was a rather fancy abacus. Tossing it or putting it in storage seems like something they shouldn't have done without my permission…"

"I-if it's too fancy then… then you don't have to lend it to me…" Rei said, blushing. Azula snorted.

"If someone's impossibly careful with fancy things, it's you, Rei. Besides… why not?" she smiled. "That abacus was made for someone to use it, and I certainly haven't done that. If you like math so much… the fancier and prettier, the better for you to enjoy yourself while you work, right?"

Rei blushed, unwilling to rebuff Azula's words… partly because, deep down, she didn't want to rebuff them at all. The Princess smiled at her silence, going through her bookshelves slowly, finding nothing but proper books, assorted artfully, and no sign of her old school things. There was another set of cabinets at the bottom of the bookshelf, and she knelt to pull it open, gaining the suspicion that it might be where her remaining school implements had been stored.

"I'm honored that you think so, Princess," Rei said. Azula smiled as she yanked the first cabinet open: an assortment of old paintings she'd made during her school years convinced her she was close to her goal. "Oh! What is…? C-can I ask what this is?"

"Ah, interested in art too?" Azula asked, smiling as she pulled out a small painting, showing it to Rei: she gasped in amazement, taking in the delicate brushstrokes and the simple colors that, blended at varying strengths into the paper, offered the painting an ethereal sort of beauty. "This is one of the few things I didn't hate in school, actually. If you want some lessons on painting, I can do that much."

"I… I could never do anything this beautiful," Rei laughed, taking the painting in her hands, detailing it with delight: it depicted a beautiful tree, right by a fountain. "Is this… the turtle-duck pond?"

"Oh, yeah. I…" Azula bit her lip, her chest aching as she let herself recall an old memory she had, subconsciously, discarded until now. "I had hoped to show it to my mother, actually. It was one of her favorite places in the Palace, but… heh, we had one of our infamous fights shortly after I painted this and, in the end, I didn't show her the damn thing."

"Oh… I'm sorry," Rei said. Azula smiled and shook her head.

"You don't have to be, but I am. To be honest, after everything that's happened, my qualms and problems with my mother are starting to look quite insignificant, on the grand scheme of things…" Azula admitted.

After so long of struggling with her image of her mother, so many years of trying to make her peace with Ursa… after all that, it turned out her terrible swamp nightmare, where her mother had been the artificer of her downfall, had been centered on the wrong parent indeed. Perhaps Ursa would have agreed with Ozai when it came to all that had transpired… but Azula had no way of knowing if she would have approved of how Ozai had acted. In truth, considering how Ursa had often tried to defend the broken and downtrodden, even if the broken and downtrodden were merely turtle-ducks, Azula couldn't help but hope that, if just this once, her mother might have felt the need to protect her, for a change… if she had been here, of course. Which she wasn't and wouldn't be.

"Pointless to dwell on that, of course, but anyway, the offer to teach you still stands," Azula said, closing the cabinet and opening the next one. "Oh, is this…?"

Somehow, Azula sensed a shadow hanging over her discovery, at long last, of the abacus's hiding place: it was underneath a few papers… papers that she, herself, had placed inside that cabinet a few years ago.

Azula hesitated for a moment, frowning as echoes of more recent memories arose inside her. She had used this particular cabinet not that long ago, or at least, definitely not as long ago as when she had set aside the abacus that nestled in it. Still… she was here for that particular object, nothing else. She reached for the abacus, tugging it out of its spot, trying her best to focus on the task at hand, to not lose sight of what she was doing: she'd close the cabinet right after the abacus was out, all else be damned…

But upon yanking out the abacus, some of the pages were caught in the wooden object, between the operation bar and some of the tiles. Thus, they fluttered out, along with the abacus… and her heart seemed to stop, abruptly, as she caught a glimpse of the words scribbled on the topmost, yellowing page.

"Oh… wow, Princess. It really is beautiful…" Rei gasped, her eyes set on the abacus, disregarding the paper as her eyes gleamed with amazement. The only abacus she had ever seen before this one had been utterly plain and unremarkable, with far less rows to properly handle operations with large numbers…

Where Rei expected Azula to offer her the abacus, and for their quest to be fully finished, however, she found the Princess had frozen where she sat. Immediately, Rei tensed up: she had seen Azula's vulnerable, miserable façade several times before, especially during her earlier time serving her in the Palace…

But she had never seen her heart breaking, directly, until she did that day.

"Prin-…?" she started, but she froze upon realizing the Princess's gaze was trained upon the topmost paper that had dropped out of the cabinet along with the abacus… a paper that had been scribbled on, with a rushed penmanship Rei had never seen before.

At first, she wondered if that was how the Princess used to write during her younger years. Then, she thought it might be another old thing she had thought to show her mother, with whom she seemed to have a tricky relationship – something Rei understood fairly well, even without knowing any of the particulars about it. Yet the heartbroken expression in her face, the trembling of her shoulders… the sudden tears in her eyes…?

Suddenly, it was as though Rei had vanished. As though the Princess had forgotten everything around herself as she dropped the abacus on the floor and doubled over: her hands reached for the paper as the tears started to spill… and she trembled. She trembled, so violently, and Rei had no idea what to do. She held her hands out with unease, forsaking the abacus for now, because something far more alarming, far more urgent, was happening before her.

What on earth did that paper say? How could it have reduced the powerful woman, who finally seemed to be on her way to healing and composing herself after her disgraces, to a heap of hopeless, desperate tears? Rei nervously raised a hand towards Azula, unsure of being allowed to do something like that… no, she was sure she wasn't, and yet… it hurt. Seeing the Princess like this… it felt so wrong that even her most ingrained behavior, every shred of reverential respect for a figure of authority, went out the window in the face of Azula's sudden breakdown.

"Princess…" she called her: despite everything, she dared set her hand on Azula's shoulder, the uninjured one. She had the feeling the Princess hadn't even noticed she had touched her, though "P-Princess, what is… w-what do I do? What do you need me to…?"

She had no idea how to proceed… she just wanted to help. She just wanted to give the Princess no more reasons to cry… curses, she shouldn't have asked for that abacus. She should have just asked Wen, maybe, if she knew of where she could buy a new one or borrow one from someone else… though she couldn't have imagined something like this could happen, whatever this was.

Against her better judgment, Rei let her eyes move towards the paper… towards a text structure she couldn't recognize, inexperienced as she still was with countless intellectual subjects. Towards the imperfect handwriting, the spirited strokes of it…

She couldn't read every word on the paper, but what she understood said enough: the story Wen had shared merely a day ago had taken her by surprise, even if it had been so dubious and questionable… but now, she found herself facing that everything Wen had told her might just have been real.

Even if she could have read it all, however, she wouldn't have understood the magnitude of Azula's surging sorrow. The blast of reality she had never expected to receive, slamming into her so powerfully, worse than any of the memories that had typically overwhelmed her: she had tucked these papers away in a distant corner of her room, expecting that her old staff would never go through cabinets she seldom used, and that way, they'd never find the very incriminating words that had been written upon these papers…

But she had to keep them. She couldn't toss them, she couldn't burn them… no, no matter if he had asked her to do just that. He hadn't made that request out of fear of what would happen if their relationship were discovered, no… he just hadn't wanted her to embarrass him any further with more teasing and mockery about his green artistic sensibility. It hadn't been a matter of tragedy, not then, not at the time, and yet…

A sob broke out of her, and a shameful whimper, too. She couldn't hold back her reactions… she couldn't contain the pain. It flowed too powerfully through her… and those words had set her sorrow free all over again. His heartwarming antics, which she had cherished profoundly, now devastated her with the unbearable reminder of how much she had lost… of how badly she longed to regain it, to turn back time and cherish everything, over and over again, the way it was meant to be cherished. To never take anything for granted… to never make fun of him again for something that now served as some sort of lifeline, even if one that had shattered her poorly amended heart completely.

Curses, she missed him. She missed him so badly. The location of the haiku had slipped from her memory after so much that had happened… she had forgotten her abacus was in the very same cabinet. She had never thought to need it again… just so, she had hoped that she could keep those poems safe, forevermore, exactly where they were, within that scarcely used cabinet. Instead, though… instead, she had come across them just as she had been recovering. Just as she had been trying to learn to walk forward, to raise her head and face her reality. Yet even if she found herself clinging to each word on that poem, to every single one of them, no matter how carefree the compositions were, they were an unwelcome reminder that nowadays she walked without him.

She couldn't read it again, even if she hopelessly, mindlessly, wanted to. She wanted to read them all, over and over, to feel him close to her through his handwriting… through every remnant of memories he had left behind, whether intentionally or not. Every single memory that brought her back to the dream she had lived by his side would feel like a priceless treasure. Yet, with eyes so filled with tears, she couldn't read those words anew, those words she knew by heart…

Molten, deep, rich gold.

Unique eyes, unique Princess,

You set me ablaze.