Lion of the Night's Watch

Jaime POV

I was a man of war, born and bred for it. Ever since I was young, I have been talented in killing. Yet I never let it cloud me. I trained myself every day to be better than I was yesterday. It wasn't long before people would say I was the best swordsman in the world, and I had no reason to disagree.

It has been a long since I thought I could be defeated, but I was proven naïve. Ser Edmure Tully was a talented man who probably trained as much, if not more than me. Yet I never thought I could lose to him. After all, he was younger than me, less experienced. Even if I could say I was already tired before facing him, I still lost to him, and I had much time to think of that battle.

From the very beginning, I was fated to lose to Ser Edmure. He was fighting for a greater purpose, while I only fought for myself. It took much time, but living in Castle Black, separated from worldly desires, I understood I had nothing without my name. And I was nothing.

The name of the Lannister was too big to ignore for anyone. It would garner fame, hate, fear, and respect. Even if I could see my father's faults, I didn't hate him. I wanted my father to be proud of me, to love me. So, I looked at the Lannister name with pride and respect. Yet I still desired something more for myself since I was young.

I didn't care for the wealth or power my family possessed. I desired some higher purpose. I couldn't imagine a higher purpose than being a knight who served and protected people. I thought that by protecting a king, I would defend the kingdom and its people. Yet I had to kill the king to save them. What an irony.

I did so because that was what I believed to be the right thing to do. I ignored the Kingslayer moniker and adapted it, so I could never forget what I did and for what I did it. Robert Baratheon shouldn't have been the king, and it should have been Prince Rhaegar. I never considered Robert to be a King. He was just a fat oaf that sat on the Iron Throne, even if most of the time, someone else sat on the Iron Throne in his name.

Still, time had proven that I was naïve and foolish in my thoughts. I had killed one madman to let another inherit the Iron Throne. If I knew of what would have happened, I would have served Robert faithfully. No, I would have taken the power of House Lannister from my father. But I became a knight and had failed in everything I ever stood for.

"There no place here for you, Kingslayer," A chair I was about to sit on and eat my meal was kicked away by one of my new brothers.

"I didn't come here to serve for my realm, to eat with a murderous, incestuous bastard like you, Lannister," The name was spit on now, with contempt and spite.

"I would watch your back for daggers in the dark if I were you, Lannister."

It was a weird experience for others to call me a Lannister for more contempt when they called me a Kingslayer. But after hearing what my family did to King's Landing, it was enough for me to accept it. No matter what I did, it could never be worse than what my father had done. I had to take the disgrace of my family. It was the least I could do.

If only it would lighten my quilt. For I let it happen, tens if not hundreds of thousands of innocent people die most horribly. Everything I did led to this. All the decisions I have done, made it possible. I did not change anything. I disgraced myself for nothing. I should have never been a knight. I don't deserve to be one.

"Eat, Jaime," I hated that there was someone that didn't hate me.

"I am not that hungry," I replied to Waymar Royce as he sat before me and saw me playing with the food I had on my plate. "You shouldn't be talking to me. Others will think badly of you."

"After what we faced, I do not fear other people's thoughts," Waymar said. "And as much as I despise what your family has done, you are not of them anymore. You Jaime of the Nights Watch. We are your family now, your only brothers."

"I don't think many of my brothers like me much," I said.

"I didn't like my blood brothers while living in Runestone," Waymar replied. "But my dislike of them never stopped me from loving them. Eat up, now. Lord Commander will soon address us."

What a fool. I did not deserve someone like him as my brother. I have already decided to take the next mission to Beyond the Wall. At least I will die doing something for the realm of men, even if it will never pay the price of my mistakes. Nothing will, and I don't wish for it. After what was done in the name of House Lannister, the best I could ask is to be forgotten and buried in the annals of history.

I don't deserve any better. The last thing I wish for is another chance. It would be for the best if I died on a ranger mission. I soon would be forgotten. I will have to ask for a task as soon as the address from Lord Commander ends. Maybe noticing my mood, Waymar didn't comment on anything else and kept quiet for the rest of the meal.

"We should go," I said after taking a few bites of my meal so that Waymar wouldn't complain.

"We still have an hour or so," Waymar replied. "How about a spar?"

"You won't last that long," Even I knew I lacked the smirk to convince Waymar I was fine.

Still, Waymar said nothing about it and only led us to the courtyard. There weren't many people outside. Even if the day weren't cold, many would stay inside, hiding from the winds, especially if they had no work. It was fine with me, as it meant that not many would see Waymar still being close to me.

I could tell that many of the men in The Night's Watch came from King's Landing. Even if they were criminals or beggars, it was still their home. Hearing it got burned down by Tywin Lannister to spite the new rule got them riled up. Even the prisoners of war who came with me have gotten hateful glances. I didn't blame them when they started to ignore me or if they joined with the others to have a few comments about me.

But Waymar doesn't deserve it. He is a brave, intelligent, and strong young man. Many considered him to be the next first Ranger after Benjen Stark. It wouldn't be good for his future if he were close to someone like me. He might be ostracized and hated. It wouldn't bond well for his future.

We took our spar slowly, swinging our blunted swords at each other. I had no heart to get into it, and Waymar seemed to want to distract me, so neither of us did our best. Yet, somehow, an hour had ended before we realized, and a man with a bell went from one building to another to inform of Lord Commander's address.

No hall was big enough to hold all of us in Castle Black, so we gathered in the yard. I was surprised to see Maester Aemon with Lord Commander Jeor Mormont and first Ranger Benjen Stark. As Lord Commander's crow started screaming, everyone else quieted down. Silence descended on Castle Black, and only winds of the winter could be heard for a moment before Lord Commander began to speak.

"Today, I have gathered you all to inform you of decisions we made to answer the disappearances and events you probably have already heard," Lord Commander's voice boomed through all of Castle Black. "As of today, there won't be any ranging to the Beyond the Wall."

"What?" Even if I didn't say it, it was the same as I was thinking.

"We shall seal all the gates leading to the north," Even more shocking news. "But not before one last ranging. Lord Stark and five thousand northerners have agreed to come with two thousand of us for last great ranging to fight against the wildling army and uncover truth over the appearances of the White Walkers."

It was known to many of what we found on my first range, but not everyone. No matter how many saw the moving head, more didn't. It was hard to convince people of it, and even then, most were making their deductions. Some thought it was a freak accident, and others thought it was magic the wildlings used.

It wasn't hard for me to conclude that the Others were coming back. I have heard legends of it before, especially of the tale of the last hero. But I have seen it with my own eyes. Otherwise, I wouldn't have believed a dead man could rise again. I would think they were seeing things that weren't there or simply lying.

"Be prepared for war is coming," Lord Commander said. "There is much to do, for winter is coming. Maester Aemon shall inform the stewards what is needed to be done, and First Ranger Benjen Stark shall tell the rangers what their duties shall be. That is all. Return to your work."

It was a short speech, but the Lord Commander will address the questions later, or at least I think so. I was more concerned about the gate sealing. It wouldn't do if I couldn't get a mission before it. So, I walked straight to First Ranger, and Waymar followed me. I could hope he had his question and didn't follow because he was worried about me.

"Lord Stark!"

"Ser Jaime, Ser Waymar," The First Ranger turned to us. "Go to your duties. I will inform you of the changes later."

"What duties?" I asked. "We are rangers. We won't have anything to do if we seal the gates."

"There will be plenty to do," The First Ranger said. "If you have nothing better to do, prepare for the Great Ranging."

"My lord, what about the outpost? Will we abandon them?" Waymar asked.

"An order was sent for everyone to return," Benjen answered. "As of now, not even a third have returned."

"Then why not send us to find them?" I asked, desperate for a mission.

"Because not a half have returned whom we have sent off the late!" Benjen snapped. "It isn't worth it. The more we send, the less return. Living in the outpost or conducting ranging would be impossible in winter. You might not know, but if even half of what maesters think of the incoming winter is true, then all we can do is wait it out."

I could say nothing as Waymar dragged me away, seeing that the First Ranger didn't want to be disturbed right now. In the end, I could only prepare and wait for the Great Ranging. It was hard to accept it, but at least I could do something with this life of mine. I should go and die on the ranging.

There was no meaning to my life. A bunch of decisions that made life miserable for others. Why did I ever believe in my father? Even when he has done horrible things, I thought it was necessary even if I didn't like them. But now I know it was done out of pride. Tywin Lannister killed thousands of people because of nothing but his pride.

Prince Rhaegar's children have died because my father's pride was hurt. King's Landing has been burned down because my father lost a war. Was I any better? Would I have been able to stop my father? Or would I have stood and watched as he ordered to burn the city? I will never know. But the quilt was killing me, and I could tell that only death would put me at peace.

A.N. As always, If you want more, up to seven advanced chapters, you can support me on pa treon. com \ ironwolf852,