Chapter 9 "Doctor, Doctor" (Early August)

(Song suggestion- "Doctor, Doctor" by the Thompson Twins)

Egon Spengler

Winston volunteered to grill some of his famous steaks with a special mouthwatering seasoning following our last bust for the day. I must admit that it was quite delectable. The clock read six in the evening, and I had a therapy session in an hour.

I studied a notebook of data from an experiment involving human's brain waves and the supernatural. First, I had tested people who believed they had psychic abilities and some of our clients who had been possessed. More data was needed, but I still had to test Peter, Ray, and Winston. Maybe Janine would permit me, but I doubted that would happen after Victor. Although she hadn't been possessed, Janine experienced premonitions at times.

"Why are you frowning, Spengler," Ray asked, as I was deep in thought about Janine dressed in a gorgeous sleeveless red evening dress about a month ago. My mouth dropped open when I viewed her in all of her implausible sexiness and elegance like Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty: the extra curl in her brown hair with red highlights, her shiny rosy red lips enticing me to kiss them, the happiness and confidence in her aqua blue eyes, the string of pearls around her slender neck.

Janine wore a gold charm bracelet with a sapphire heart on her dainty right wrist, and her long dark eyelashes seemed to flirt with me endlessly. At the same time, her brilliant smile made her the perfect vision of loveliness that I hadn't been able to remove from my mind for a month. Janine was an Angel.

"Huh?"

"Iggy's mind is on his girl," Peter teased, hitting me on the shoulder playfully as I collected the dishes off of the table. Ray and I had cleaning duties because Winston did the cooking, and Venkman managed to get out of it like he always did. I disregarded his comments choosing to stay in my reverie on Janine in the smashing red dress short in length without being tasteless.

"She's not 'my girl,' Venkman," I told him quietly.

"Yeah, Janine is. Well, she was until your big brain got in the way once again," he remarked, laughing.

"For the record, both of my brains are astronomical in size," I insinuated with my left eyebrow arched.

Ray and Winston boisterously guffawed as Pete's face reddened.

Afterward, Peter, Ray, and Winston spoke as I dried the dishes. I daydreamed about being on a date with Janine or even babysitting with her until I noticed it was time for me to go to my appointment. They talked about going to Zeddemore's health club to play basketball later.

"I have an appointment first," I revealed and headed out the door.

Fifteen Minutes Later - In therapy

"Why do you think you self-sabotage yourself," my therapist, Dr. Blair, inquired. He was an older man close to age fifty with thinning gray hair.

"I don't know: there's something inside of me that doesn't think I deserve to be happy. My parents always said to focus on my career, and I have until Janine. I thought I was happy with focusing on it, but it's not even close to the fraction of the happiness that I feel with her. Even doing some mundane things like watching a movie on tv or shopping or helping her plant a garden at her parents' house."

"You can't be happy with someone else until you are happy with yourself," my therapist reminded me with a small smile.

"I thought I was happy with myself," I protested innocently, "then I met Janine, and she unlocked new doors of possibilities."

"What are you afraid of then," he inquired, bright-eyed.

"Failure. I'm terrified about that with my career, too," I acknowledged.

"What would failure look like with Janine?"

"Her breaking up with me or not being in love with me," I answered.

"Did Janine ever break up with you," Dr. Blair questioned.

"No," I remarked truthfully.

"Did she ever tell you she wasn't in love with you?"

"No," I replied, shaking my head.

"Did Janine ever discourage you in your dream of obtaining a Nobel?"

"No," I answered.

"Then what are you afraid of, Egon? She hasn't done any of those things," Dr. Blair challenged me critically, and his dark brown brows furrowed.

"I know his job was to confront my faulty thinking, but.." I muttered to myself, feeling anger.

Janine's lovely voice played in my head after I came home exhausted and thwarted with therapy on a rainy evening.

"Egon, darling, it's the therapist's job to assist you in the tough problems that you face. I know it's arduous, and you don't particularly enjoy it. You are doing such a great job resisting your natural tendencies to hide your emotions."

My then girlfriend cupped my face with her soft hands, grinning at me, brimming with compassion, and I felt an influx of adoration for her. Afterward, Janine gave me a passionate kiss and made me promise to persevere in my work in therapy.

"For you, I will," I promised and then leaned in for another delicious kiss.

Smiling, I recalled the moment and then answered, "Failure."

"What were your other relationships like," he probed.

"I dated Leslie, an art teacher, about six years ago, but I think we ended up dating for about a month," I explained impatiently. "I have seen you for a while, Dr. Blair; you already know about her."

"Yes, I know, but remind me, Egon. Why did that one fail?"

"She cheated on me," I retorted, sighing, rubbing my temples with my fingers repetitively because I felt a dull convulsion forming in my head due to the conversation.

"Why?"

"I don't know. I don't remember," I snapped, feeling my face flush in vexation.

"Come on, Egon, you have come such a long way. Think about it," Dr. Blair pushed, and I sat there, contemplating the question and refusing to make eye contact with him.

"Leslie and I were incompatible, opposites," I concluded, finally, after a long silence.

"What about Janine? Is she the polar opposite of you," he questioned me as I glanced at my hands.

"No," I answered quickly, feeling my heartthrob with the psychiatrist's mention of her.

"Give me three ways Leslie was the opposite of you."

" Leslie was very disorganized, a free spirit of sorts, and very laid back," I grumbled.

"Has Janine exhibited any of those behaviors," he inquired as I tapped my foot impatiently, feeling nervous.

"Janine is both uninhibited and independent in many ways but different from Leslie, who was an artist and who didn't let rules and time constraints apply to her," I described.

"Now tell me how Janine is similar to you," Dr. Blair demanded, writing something down on a notepad.

"We both enjoy astronomy and stargazing, some of the same music, singing, watching sunsets, taking walks, reading, learning about computers, attending museums and exhibits," my voice tapered off as I listed our similarities.

"OK."

"How is this helping, Dr. Blair? I already know that we have similarities in our personalities, or we wouldn't have dated as long as we did," I exasperatedly whined.

"Why are you frustrated," he wondered out loud, initiating me to clench my jaw tightly.

"I have to figure out how to win her back. I am long past the stage of deciding if I love her. I do immensely. I need to figure out why I chose to break up with her and how to stop it in the future," I stated firmly.

"What causes you to step back or break from Janine?"

Exhaling loudly, I restated, " Fear of failure. I failed her."

I envisioned Janine on the ground inert in the Spring. My eyes welled up with tears.

"It keeps me up at night," I added, morosely.

"Explain what happened."

So I did.

"When I saw Janine on the ground, lifeless and unmoving, I felt my heartbreak. I wanted to die right there on the spot. All because I made a mistake," I morosely confessed.

"Egon, it was an accident, and you didn't do it on purpose," my therapist stated.

"I never wanted to be the source of pain for her. However, I realize Janine has suffered because of my indecision about my feelings about her last year more than once. Then I neglected protecting her a little later in our new relationship. Why should she trust me, Dr. Blair," I distressingly demanded.

"Did she blame you for the accident," he asked me, wide-eyed, and I shook my head vehemently. Dr. Blair combed his light hair with his fingers to the right side.

"So you preemptively broke up with her? Why?"

"My culpability in this situation inundated me, and I became obsessed with it. A man should protect the woman he loves, and I didn't," I admitted softly.

"So failure," he summarized, and I nodded twice curtly.

"Is Janine dead?"

The abruptness of my therapist's question rubbed me the wrong way, and I exclaimed incredulously as my blood pressure began to rise, "What?!"

"You heard me, is she dead," Dr. Blair repeated solemnly, with a blank face. Surely, he knew that he was upsetting me.

"No, but..."

"Is she hospitalized still or inert," he inquired.

"No, but."

"Is her arm broken and in a cast currently," Dr. Blair asked, persisting in pissing me off.

"No," I yelled at him, standing up from the chair. Embarrassed, I sat down after I did so.

"Then quit being mad at yourself, Egon. Janine is alive and well."

"But you don't understand..."

"I do, Egon. You need to let this go because it isn't healthy. Also, you didn't do anything wrong. Have you been meditating," Dr. Blair queried, looking at a clipboard at my medical information.

"Yes, but I can't forgive myself," I revealed, covering my face with my hands about to weep again. Again, I felt ashamed for my role in Janine's injury.

"The woman you love is alive and well, Egon," he said reassuringly, putting his hand on my shoulder to emphasize the point, " You love her, so go get her and treat her like a princess. I will get some coffee, and I will be back in five minutes, and we still have 15 minutes today. Would you like a cup, too?"

Uncovering my face, I responded that I did and I wiped my tears away with my hands clumsily. I envisioned Janine's smiling face in my mind and inhaled and exhaled several times deeply while Dr. Blair left his office. By the time he had returned, I was calmer. My therapist handed me a cup of black coffee which I readily accepted gratefully. Taking a sip, I felt my composure return to me in time.

"Egon, what happened if you failed at something when you were growing up? What would your parents do," he asked, thoughtfully.

Pondering the question, I remained silent until I knew the answer.

"Mom and Dad would express their disappointment, but they didn't guilt-trip me. I was always harder on myself than my parents were. I mean, they didn't expect perfection," I responded, honestly.

"But you expect that from yourself," Dr. Blair implied, "don't you?"

"Uhm...I guess so," I admitted, "I don't like making mistakes."

"Your fear of making mistakes is crippling your chance with Janine and your true happiness," he revealed with a sly smile, " Did she ever ask you to be perfect?"

"No."

"Janine loves you unconditionally, right?"

Timidly, I nodded, " She did. I hope that Janine feels the same still."

"There is a new anxiety and depression medication called citalopram. Are you interested in trying it," he inquired, looking at my reaction. I felt hesitant about medication because it hadn't worked a couple of times when I had tried it in the past. Nervously, I took a sip of the coffee.

"It takes a while to find the right mix of medication with your body chemistry, Egon. It is common," Dr. Blair added after a long pause.

"Will this help me convince Janine to give me another chance," I contemplated inwardly, "It is worth it then."

"Yes, I will try it," I agreed, ultimately, and Dr. Blair scribbled a prescription on his notepad for me, " We will start you at a low dose to see how it works. Come back in a month, and we will see how you are feeling."

Curtly, I nodded, taking the paper from Dr. Blair's outstretched knotty handy.

"I do not doubt that you two are in love. How are you going to convince her that she should give you a chance," he posed thoughtfully, putting his index finger on his nose as I thought about my answer.

"You have to rebuild her trust gradually," Dr. Blair advised.

"Yes, it is worth it regardless of how long it takes," I responded determinedly.

I felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders when I left Dr. Blair's office and I went directly to the nearest pharmacy to the firehouse to have it filled. Luckily, I had several blocks to walk back to HQ, so I had time to process everything.

When I came back from therapy, everyone was about to go to Winston's athletic club to play basketball. I was hesitant as usual, but the guys were determined for me to participate.

"Let's go shoot some hoops," Peter urged, "Come on, Iggy, go change."

"Yeah, Egon, you have improved," Stantz chimed in.

It greatly wounded my male ego that I couldn't win the hoops game at Coney Island in the Spring so Janine could have the prize teddy bear. Silently, I vowed to win it for her one day with my friends' help to improve my basketball skills.

"Come on, Spengler, let's show these turkeys how it's done," Winston urged with a grin and clapped his hand on my back. I agreed that it would be better than moping about Janine babysitting all night.

About half an hour later, we arrived at the rookie's sports club. We still had an hour until a court opened up unless one of Zeddemore's friends was working today, and they could pull some strings for us to go on earlier. The humidity was fierce, and just by leaving Ecto One, we were dripping with sweat.

"New York City in the summer is brutal," Ray admitted, shaking his head as we entered the club.

"Hey guys, let's go to the natatorium and see if there are any good-looking ladies there," Venkman suggested, and Stantz agreed. After finding out we had forty minutes to wait, Winston decided to lift some weights and separated from us.

"Come on, Egon," Ray called as he and Peter walked off, not noticing that I hadn't moved from the spot. There were too many people here for my liking, and I was rethinking my decision.

Sensing my reluctance, Venkman turned around and grabbed my shoulder, effectively forcing me towards the indoor natatorium. Reluctantly I went, but I wasn't happy.

"Sitting around sulking about your girl isn't going to help," Peter reapproached me knowingly.

"I'm not sulking," I replied irritatedly, looking down at my feet. It irritated me that Venkman referred to her as 'my girl,' but it was just because I wanted it to be accurate.

Ray opened the door to the natatorium with Venkman and I following. To my friend's disappointment, it was mostly just families learning to swim and not attractive women in bikinis.

"Spengler, I have an idea, but I don't think you will like it," Peter cautioned, using his hand to indicate that we turn around and go back to the basketball court.

Clenching my jaw, I did not want to hear his suggestion, so I disregarded him by pretending not to be able to listen.

"What do you think," my friend questioned, turning around to view my reaction.

"I wish you would leave me alone," I pondered, wrinkling my nose.

"Spengler tuned you out," Ray observed correctly, with a wink at me.

"Make Janine jealous and go out on a date. She is, why don't you," Peter suggested, walking by a room of pretty ladies in an aerobic class, stopping all at once. Consequently, I ran smack into his backside.

"Come on, Venkman," I snapped when I realized that he had ceased moving forward, and I pushed my glasses up my nose with my index finger. My two business partners stood watching the women dancing in their class appreciatively, practically with their mouths slightly open. I scanned the room and found some of the members of the opposite sex indeed good-looking. Although some ladies had bigger chests and/or butts than my beloved, they weren't as beautiful as my Janine.

"Let me set you up with a date," Peter advised again, elbowing me a few minutes later as we stood gaping at the women.

"No, I don't want to make her jealous, Venkman," I responded after a while.

"A little jealousy might be a good thing, Spengs," my friend insisted.

"I don't want to date anyone else," I remarked, turning away from the women's aerobics class, "she's the one that I want."

"Then why have you screwed Janine around so much," Ray inquired, hitting Venkman's arm, indicating he was ready to leave.

"Because when it comes to her, I am a complete moron" I answered honestly as Stantz pulled Peter away from the window. It was kind of comical because the latter didn't want to leave so he persisted in staring at the ladies.

In silence, we strode back to the indoor basketball courts.

"I didn't believe in the idea of soulmates before I met Janine, but I realize that she's mine now. She and I are supposed to be together; she's my other half. Janine illuminates my life like a particle and a wave lighting up the heavens," I confessed in a heartfelt way.

"Is our theoretical physicist a poet now," Peter inquired, hiding his laughter poorly by covering his mouth halfway with his hand.

Ray Stantz

"Get a hold of yourself, Venkman," I commanded sympathetically after Iggy irately stormed off. Involuntarily, I burst out laughing too.

"Poor Iggy, he's so beguiled by Brooklyn," Pete mentioned, taking a deep breath to regain his composure.

"Yeah, the idea of making her envious didn't work."

"I think that's a stupid idea anyway, Pete," I shook my head as Egon approached us a couple of minutes later, looking less irate with us.

When Z joined us, he indicated that the court was ready. He had a couple of friends join us, and we had an hour of good rigorous exercise that allowed us to get the week's stress out. It was a good bonding experience for us with the rookie, too.

After dropping Winston in Queens, we returned to the firehouse. After taking showers individually, we drank a few beers together on the roof, and Spengler drank a coca-cola instead. It wasn't long until the topic of our redheaded secretary came up.

"Did you know, Ray, that Romeo almost kissed Juliet the night we played poker?" Peter inquired, wide-eyed.

"No, is that true?" I exclaimed.

"How did you know that," Egon inquired, raising an eyebrow with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

"Janine begged me not to say anything," Peter confessed, after guzzling his beer, " She was venting about you taking forever to ask her out."

"Indeed," Spengler remarked, characteristically, studying the stars with a magnificent grin. His joyfulness displayed in full when we spoke about Janine.

"Well, what happened," I questioned as he recalled the memory silently.

"The two of you were drunk at the end of the night, and I waited with Janine downstairs for her taxi. We had been flirting earlier that evening already when we were alone. Janine informed me that I owed her a hug for losing to her at poker," Egon confessed slyly.

"And?"

"We were in the middle of a hug, and the taxi driver honked its horn as soon as I bent down to kiss. Then we jumped back, disconcerted, and I didn't act quickly enough. Janine left," he divulged, laughing.

"Furious, I hit the wall with my fist. When I went upstairs, you two made fun of me for flirting with Janine all night., As usual, I went into the lab, and I was so pissed off that I hadn't kissed her."

All three of us chuckled at the memory.

"Well, luckily for you, Ray, we all got to see the two kiss at the bar and dance in each other's arms obnoxiously one night," Peter remarked coyly.

A couple of former students called Peter and invited him to a party, so he quickly left. Meanwhile, Spengler and I listened to records and worked on an innovation he had designed.