Chapter 11 "I'm Still Standing" (July 15, 1984)
(Song suggestion: I Am Still Standing" by Elton John)
Egon
"This would be easier if you would tell me what happened," the older man, Dr. Blair, my therapist, stated with a red mustache with gray mixed in. I was sitting in front of him in a very uncomfortable green leather chair, attempting to gather my thoughts in order. As a result, I stayed silent for five minutes and couldn't form any words to speak. My anger was still strong within me, even though this event occurred over a week ago. Eventually, I recalled everything and relayed it to Dr. Blair.
"Spengler stop, he's not worth it," Ray warned, moving behind me to grab one of my arms as I was clenching my fists over and over again.
" If you want to hit someone, hit me, Victor, " I spitted out, moving towards him.
Both Peter and Ray managed to pull me away from him and restrained me from behind.
"You know the best thing about Janine, Spengler? She's so horny," he sneered, "but you can have her back. I have had better."
With strength I didn't know that I had, I managed to push both Peter and Ray away as his words degrading Janine rang in my ears. My heart thundered in my chest, and I felt a rage I had never felt in my life as I lunged at Victor with all of my might. He punched me in the mouth, and I fell back a second but managed to stay standing. He hit me again on the mouth, almost in a knock-out punch, and I fell to the floor. My world was blurry, but I could see Janine rushing over to me in that lovely red dress, concerned. The pain was overwhelming, and the room began to spin. I felt something oozing out of my nose.
"Victor, stop right now," Janine cried as he hit me the second time.
"I'm going to kill this bastard," I thought after I recovered from the shock of being hit, and I rose from the floor unsteadily. I felt ready to hurt Victor badly, and Peter and Ray tried to block him from going after me again.
"Egon, are you ok? You are bleeding," I heard Janine cried from behind me, and I turned around to view her.
All I could discern was the cut that Victor had given her, making my perfect angel imperfect, and my blood boiled even higher. My blood pressure elevated, and I felt a hammering in my heart. Her face had a frightened look on it, and that pissed me off further. Before I knew what I was doing, Peter and Ray were trying to gang up on Victor and push them out of the way. Angrily, my hands gripped the man's thick neck as I seethed at him for hurting her. Victor was caught unaware, and his eyes bulged out of their sockets as I clutched his neck inordinately.
Precipitously, I felt a prick on my neck from a needle and fell to the floor.
"How did you feel when you saw Victor hitting Janine," Dr. Blair inquired.
"Enraged. Tremendously enraged- more so than when Venkman called her a bitch nine months ago. Instantly, I wanted to defend her. I don't know how to convey the depth of my hostility towards him when I saw that Janine had a cut on her face. Before that Victor...was emotionally...abusing her," I stated after a long pregnant pause. I clenched my fists as I spoke.
There were times that I still felt like I needed to remove the stress from the situation. Venkman suggested getting a punching bag, but I didn't feel like that was a good idea. Alternatively, I had been meditating , and I even spoke to my Dad on the phone about the situation since he had met Janine earlier this summer.
"How do you feel," he questioned, "after telling me everything so far."
"A little drained. Infuriated. We haven't even gone through everything yet," I added with a wry smile.
"How have things been between you and Janine," Dr. Blair asked.
"Strange. I guess that's been normal since Janine began dating again, though," I started and paused.
"Have you forgiven yourself for not protecting her in April?"
"No," I conceded, hanging my head.
"Our time is up today," Dr. Blair announced gently as a timer went off noisily behind his desk.
"Ok," I responded, wiping my face and reapplying my glasses.
"Do you think you can make it back here in a few days, or would that be too draining," he requested.
"A week. It takes me a long time to process events," I replied, "please."
Lucy Stantz
Janine and I met at a cafe by CUNY at one thirty because I had office hours until 1:15 in the afternoon. This summer, I taught an entry-level architecture class as I completed my graduate degree. The journey was a short walk to the trendy restaurant from my office, and I secured a table for us. Janine joined me a few minutes later, and we placed our drink orders with the waiter.
"Who's this new man of yours?"
Sighing heavily, I glared at the menu, attempting to focus. Janine and I were close friends, but I hadn't told her that Peter and I had been dating casually since the Spring. In Mid June, I broke it off with him because the relationship was becoming too serious. Two years ago, I had found out that my then fiancée had been cheating on me, and I hadn't recovered emotionally.
Peter Venkman was unhappy with my decision to break it off. However, someone like him doesn't go long alone- he had charisma and charm with women. I hoped that Peter would find the right person for him one day.
Honestly, I had always been attracted to Dr. Venkman since I had met him through Ray six years ago. His magnetism allowed him to charm the pants (literally) of a woman effortlessly, and my big brother very protectively forbade me from dating him. For years, we flirted with each other whenever we met, and that was it until this year. Peter had some romantic feelings for me that I didn't have, which caused our breakup.
"What's wrong," Janine inquired, carefully scrutinizing my face it. A dark-haired waiter came back and took our orders.
"Chicken cobb salad with dressing on the side, please, " I requested, grinning at the man while handing him my menu.
"I'd like the club with a side of fruit, please," Janine asked sweetly as the waiter wrote down our orders.
"Thank you, I will place your orders and bring you some fresh bread to nibble on," he informed with a very bright smile. After the waiter left, I felt my friend's eyes on me, inspecting my face deliberately since my shield (or my menu) wasn't covering it anymore. Her eyes felt like a laser penetrating on me, almost.
"Lucy," Janine said, tilting her head to the side gradually. Since she was growing her hair out a little, I suggested using rollers to create more volume. It assisted in framing her face and softened her features, and I was pleased that she chose to follow my recommendation.
The waiter brought a basket of bread to the table with two plates and some butter. Starving, I removed a warm piece and took my knife to butter it before placing it in my mouth, happily.
"Your hair is looking fabulous," I gushed, attempting to change the subject away from Peter Venkman.
"Lucy Stantz," she pretended to admonish me, giving me a fierce glare that rivaled my Mother's when I misbehaved in church or in a public place when I was younger. Janine's petite hands went to her side immediately, and she arched her eyebrows at me.
"Ok, Ok," I responded, guilty. I proceeded to tell Janine the details of my short casual relationship with Peter, and her tiny mouth fell agape at the information. Janine had a piece of bread in her hand, poised to eat it but almost dropped it with my revelation.
"Oh, my," my red headed friend exclaimed dramatically, "Peter said he was seeing someone casually, but I never figured it out. Was that the reason you were at the firehouse so much visiting Ray?"
"Yes. Then last month, he started becoming too serious about me, and I broke it off," I admitted sheepishly.
"Like how? Is Peter Venkman in love with you," she whispered, leaning forward towards me incredulously.
"No, no, not that he said...Uhm...Pete wanted to be exclusive. I had a good time with him, but I didn't want to just date him. I'm still scared to death from my asshole ex-fiancee, breaking off our engagement," I corrected, feeling irate at my ex.
"I didn't want to hurt Pete, and I do care about him," I admitted after a period of silence, feeling a little sad.
Janine reached across the table for my hand and squeezed it.
"You didn't do anything wrong, Lucy. It just didn't work out. I am sure you told Pete about your reservations beforehand," she sympathized with me, giving me a small smile, then withdrew her hand.
"I did."
"Dr. Venkman was a little down in the dumps for a couple of weeks last month. I guess I now know why," she slyly commented, " You must have affected him, Lucy. Venkman's someone who doesn't allow women to do so normally."
Shrugging, I didn't answer but begged her not to tell Ray.
"Of course," she promised, crossing her heart with her fingers.
"Really? Oh, and I think Egon knows about Pete and me," I added, rolling my eyes, "in May, he gave me a knowing smile when I was visiting one time."
"Egon?" Janine exclaimed, in disbelief, then we waited as our food arrived, "He's not exactly observant outside of science, but he was improving."
"Indeed," I replied, using one of her beau's favorite phrases, and raised an eyebrow. Janine giggled at my impression of Egon. The waiter brought our food to the table and inquired if we needed anything else. Shaking her head, Janine divulged that we didn't. It didn't surprise me that Peter already had another woman in his bed, nor did it bother me.
"Well, your Dr. Spengler noticed that," I confessed.
"Hmmm," my friend commented, taken aback, and took a bite of her sandwich, " oh, this is good!"
"Mmm, mmm, yes," I muttered, eating my salad with gusto as I had missed breakfast. We chatted casually as we ate, and Janine didn't ask me the big question until we were on the subway going to the shops at Union Square later.
"Why do you call Egon by his more formal name, now," I probed my friend as we silently ate.
Sighing heavily, Janine wiped her mouth after chewing her last bite of food.
"For two reasons, one it helps me remember that he is just my boss and not my boyfriend, and second, it annoys the shit out of him," she disclosed, grinning slyly.
"Good girl," I approved, winking at her.
"Tell me more about Peter," she quickly changed the subject afterward.
"He is a sweet, caring guy underneath all of the sarcasm," I revealed, taking a sip from a water glass.
" Venkman assisted both Egon and me, at different points last year, when we were falling in love," Janine affirmed, her eyes getting teary.
Janine and Egon's love was as potent as Cleopatra and Mark Antony or Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy in one of my all-time favorite books by Jane Austen, "Pride and Prejudice." As one who has witnessed the phenomena of Janegon as a couple, all I could say is that it was transparent, they were meant to be together.
Although I didn't know Janine before the gala, I did know Egon through my brother. I can say that with certainty that he was a miser workaholic with an austere personality and one who didn't care about his social life. Janine brought out his livelihood, disposition, character, passion, and love. It was unmistakable that he was in love with her from early last year and still was today.
"So, is Pete as good as he says he is in bed?" Janine interrupted my thought process as she played with the charms on her bracelet. Often she would involuntarily trace the outline of the gold-plated sapphire heart with her fingertips. A glimmering smile spread on Janine's lips, just like now when she thought about the person who gave it to her. I put a forkful of my salad in my mouth first and chewed thoughtfully.
"Yes, Peter knows how to push those buttons skillfully, and...Uhm... he can last a long time to wait for me to climax, unlike some others," I answered, blushing, and Janine giggled in response after swallowing a piece of her lunch. Her laughter seemed contagious, and I began to do the same. We sounded like school girls listening to a sex education talk during Health class for a while. Other patrons gave us dirty, and unapproving looks as our laughter became boisterous. Eventually, we were able to maintain our composure.
"On a scale of one to ten, with ten being the highest, I would say Peter is an eight in the sack. He's very creative when it comes to ensuring a woman's...satisfaction," I described, then took a sip of my water.
"What's holding him back to be a ten," Janine questioned, with a glint of mischievousness in her aqua eyes.
"Pete's...Uhm,... I mean, he's average size, but he's not very.. bulky, " I explained, attempting to be vague, "but he knows how to use what he's got!"
Janine raised an eyebrow as we waited for our checks and giggled. I burst out laughing, and she proposed that I dish some more. Subsequently, I gave in because that's what girlfriends did, talk about boyfriends.
"Ok, that's all you can tell me because this is my direct supervisor you are talking about," Janine remarked, turning red with embarrassment after a little while.
" I have never thought about Pete in that way or your brother."
"I don't ever want to hear about Ray, ever, ever" I repeated the last word twice, mortified as the waiter dropped off the check. She handed it to me, and I looked at it.
"You never told me about Egon, you know," I mentioned curiously, causing her to blush.
"Oh, I didn't?"
I glared at her until she met my eyes and gave up.
"Tell us about the brilliant Dr. Spengler," I teased in a fake Freudian accent.
"What?! You just used Dr. Venkman's Sigmund Freud voice," Janine accused, laughing.
"Oh, damn, Peter Venkman," I remarked with a giggle and encouraged my petite auburn friend.
"This is between you and me," Janine warned, and I nodded and leaned towards her, excited.
"Well,...he's about ...eight inches and hefty thick," she revealed, blushing heavily. Immediately, Janine Melnitz giggled.
"Really?" I was intrigued and chuckled to myself.
" Egon's very considerate and eager. It was beautiful like blooming flowers in the Spring when we made love and hotter than hell," Janine waxed poetically, and a few tears escaped her right eye.
" I'm sorry, J, I didn't mean to pry," I apologized as she wiped her right eye.
"You aren't because you are a dear friend of mine. It's fine," she insisted with a grin," I didn't realize I hadn't given you the details yet."
"Egon still loves you, J, and I do believe that you two are soulmates like Queen Victoria and Prince Albert of England," I informed her, squeezing her right hand.
"Why do people say that? Dr. Spengler had so many chances even before we started to date officially. Why does he deserve another," Janine demanded emotionally, her blue eyes dull and sullen. Her pretty face twisted up into a frustrating mess, and I felt horrible for her struggle with him.
"Because you two are in love with each other. Aren't his feelings blatantly obvious from his actions two weeks ago," I consoled her, rising from my chair to give her a side hug? When I returned to my seat, she thanked me earnestly.
"Yes," J admitted with a slight scowl on her face, slowly, "but love was never the problem between us. We have an ardent love for each other."
Sympathetically, I gave her a small toothless smile.
"I can't have my heart broken by him again. I don't know if I can trust him not to break up with me. No matter how I feel about him," Janine tearfully explained, looking at her hands.
"I agree with you, J. Do you plan on dating again?"
"No, I'm taking a couple of weeks off. Maybe more, I don't know. I have to focus on this senior analysis paper due in a month. Regrettably, I am still missing a critical piece of research," Janine retorted, regaining her composure after a moment. She pulled a twenty-dollar bill from her wallet on the table with the check and stated, " My treat. You can pay for the next one."
"Thanks, Janine, I appreciate it," I remarked, grinning, " after all, I am a poor college student."
"Yeah, me too," she quipped with a smile.
"Not for too much longer, J. You almost have completed your Bachelor's," I declared.
My friend's expression lit up her face like a little child getting the present he asked for from Santa for Christmas. It made me happy to see that way since her life had been so tumultuous this year. Like Ray, I considered Janine part of my family, specifically, like the older sister I never had.
" I am having problems sleeping," the redhead beauty confessed after a yawn, " so much happened two weeks ago, and this paper is driving me nuts."
Fifteen minutes later
"Next stop, fourteenth street Union Square," a voice announced through the speakers, and we rose from our seats on the subway train to leave.
We shopped for three hours in every store imaginable- clothing, a bookstore, shoes, purses, furniture, lingerie, and jewelry. Janine bought a new pair of brown work heels and a two-piece orange bikini for her upcoming four day weekend vacation with her childhood friends at Clegg's Hotel on Fire Island. I hoped that it gave my close friend the peace and energy needed to go through the rest of this challenging time in her life..
"When.are you going on vacation? You need it," I questioned, joyful that I made her giggle a little.
"In one week. A four days of pristine beaches, wildlife, gorgeous sunsets, and walks along the shore sounds perfect."
Janine dreamily divulged, closing her eyes again, "Sitting on the beach, listening to the waves of the Atlantic Ocean sounds is exactly what the doctor ordered."
"How far is it from the City," I questioned, intrigued.
"Forty-five minutes away from here. It's a quiet beach community. I can't wait!"
"Sounds like a great locale. Let me know if there are any hot-looking men there, and we can go check it out," I requested, and she smiled at me with her brilliantly bright one.
After returning to Union Square, we separated because Janine had a therapy appointment.
"Lunch, shopping, dinner, or drinks next week," I suggested before we said goodbye for the evening.
"Yes," Janine replied, her red lips stretching into a pretty smile.
"Which one?"
"Let's see how next week goes, maybe all three," Janine remarked drily and waved goodbye.