Chapter 13 "Straight from the Heart" July 3, 1984 (One week earlier)

(Song suggestion-" Straight from the Heart" by Bryan Adams)

Janine

I evacuated my apartment around eight in the morning without calling my sister Doris before arriving at her home. My hair was tousled, and I was dressed in blue jeans shorts, and a white tank top. I left before Wendy and Roger came out of her room for breakfast. I didn't want to deal with their happiness this morning.

"What the hell type of guy did you set me up with, Doris," I yelled when she answered the door twenty minutes later, dressed in a pink bathrobe tightly wrapped against her body.

"Janine, you didn't tell me you were coming over," she stated, obviously cowed that I had just shown up. She wasn't ready to receive people. Her hair was sticking up on one side.

Unable to hear her, I stormed by her with ferocity.

"Where are the girls? I need to talk to you," I stated coldly, giving her a poignant stare before I sat down in the living room.

"They are at Mom and Dad's house. Janine, what the hell is wrong," she demanded, finally scrutinizing me by giving me a long stare in the face, "Have you been up all night? You look exhausted."

"Victor is the problem."

"Look, if you don't want to go out with him, then don't. I frankly am tired of the subject," Doris snapped unexpectedly.

Pissed off, I rose from the sofa and grabbed her arm roughly.

"Do you see this mark on my cheek? Well, do you, " I shook her angrily when she didn't respond immediately, then pointed at it, so she had to look at it.

"Y-y-yes," Doris stammered, astounded to see the intensity of my irritation and the fact that I used force with her.

"That is from your friend's brother, Victor. I told him I could not go out with him last night, and he slapped me," I wildly screamed at her, letting her go off her arm.

"What the..."

"His ring cut my skin; it is a little minor cut compared to the damage he did to Egon," I hysterically shrieked as tears streamed down my face at a lightning pace.

"What!? Janine, calm down and explain what happened," Doris begged, flabbergasted, "you aren't making any sense."

But I wasn't done. I kept on screeching at the top of my lungs, pacing the room until my older sister seized me at once and hugged me tightly. Once again, I was weeping obstinately, and I was highly fatigued.

Doris reassuringly soothed me until I halted, rocking me back and forth. I heard my brother-in-law, Cory, descend the stairs, and she asked him to make breakfast after checking on Joseph.

"Thanks, sweetheart," she soothingly stated, rubbing my back, " it will be OK, Janine. Let's go sit down on the sofa, and you can tell me what occurred."

Then I divulged everything to Doris but in a calm, rational manner. Except I couldn't stop crying, but I wasn't yelling at the top of my lungs anymore.

"Oh my God," she exclaimed, clasping my hand out of shock, "Janine, I didn't know that he was capable of doing that. Honestly. I am so sorry."

"Breakfast is served, ladies," Cory announced loudly from the kitchen, fifteen minutes later, and Doris urged me to go with her to eat.

"I am not hungry," I responded gloomily.

"Coffee, pancakes, and sausage links will help. Let me guess; you haven't eaten anything on top of not sleeping?"

Doris pulled me off of the floral pattern sofa with all of her might, and I gradually waded into the kitchen.

Reluctantly, I accepted a cup of coffee from Cory and sat at the table. He and Doris exchanged glances, and his brown eyes gave her an inquiring look. Finally, my sister asked,

"How is Egon involved?"

Silently, I shook my head back and forth. I leisurely sipped my warm coffee, savoring the taste, and deeply inhaled the smells of breakfast food. The aroma was enticing, but my stomach felt empty, like a giant void. I then described the whole situation from beginning to end as my brother-in-law and sister began eating their breakfast.

"Wow... I ...am... speechless," Doris retorted after I completed the story..

"I am sorry, Janine. Again, I had no idea Victor was ...violent," she regretfully admitted, " I have known his sister for seven or eight years. You have to eat, dear."

"I don't want anything," I responded, " it's not your fault, Doris; you didn't know."

"What are you going to do," Cory questioned after chewing on a forkful of homemade pancakes. I have experienced his breakfasts before and they were excellent.

"With what," I questioned, narrowing my blue eyes at him.

"Egon," he answered like I was stupid.

"What is there to do with him," I irately barked.

"Let him break my heart again when he decides that he can't have a relationship and focus on his Nobel aspirations again?"

"Janine, he wasn't attacking you," Doris pointed out, "it is a reasonable question. It sounds rather romantic to me- his spilling his guts out to you then fighting for you."

"Yes, it was delightfully romantic and totally out of the blue. And it pushed me over that indecision point that I shouldn't date Victor because I was still in love with Egon still. I feel dreadful for causing him to get in a fight, and resulting in receiving a black eye, a fat lip, and a busted nose," I bellowed, my voice raising an octave or two. As I willed myself not to cry, my tears built up a formidable wall in my eyes, just waiting to overflow. I sipped my coffee quietly, deep in thought of Egon.

Later, the phone rang from the wall as the couple ate their breakfast.

"It's for you," Cory declared, after answering it, " It's Peter Venkman."

" Hello, oh hi, Peter. How did you get this number? Oh, Wendy? I am OK, I guess. No, I should be back on Tuesday. I will try, OK," I responded to my boss on the phone, surprised, " Peter, is Egon OK?"

Dr. V reassured me that he was well, or well enough. I felt relieved that he wasn't still bleeding or dying.

"I told Ray I needed today and Monday off as sick days when he drove me home last night," I informed Doris and Cory afterward.

"Ok, here's what you are going to do, Janine; you are going to eat some pancakes and take a nap. You need sleep," Doris stated, using her Mommy voice on me, and I rolled my eyes upward while scowling.

She persisted until I agreed, and we attempted conversations other than Egon for a time.

"Go in the guest bedroom and lay down," my big sister told me in a bossy way after they closely watched me eat like I was one of their children.

As soon as I laid down and snuggled the blankets over my body, I was out like a light. My brain replayed the whole situation from yesterday. Instead of him fleeing, I kissed him ardently. The kiss was perfect, and I could taste his distinct flavor in my dream as if it was happening right now. Truthfully, that was how I wanted to react to his admission, but as I stated earlier, I was frightened. Then I dreamt that we watched the sunset on the roof, and it was perfect.

Feeling better, I hurried out of bed three hours later and remade it as my sister was a neat freak. Doris was feeding Joseph, and Cory watched the Yankees game. I peered perplexed at the television.

"The Yankees are winning," I joked groggily. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Wanna watch?"

"Not really. I have to go do some research at Hempstead Library, and then I have therapy," I blandly answered my brother-in-law. Cory's eyes were glued to the TV while I yawned and lowered myself into a chair.

"You need to keep your mind off of everything that happened," Doris advised, unlatching Joseph from her nipple with a smile and began cradling him in her arms.

"How is that going to be possible," I wondered out loud, " He was in my dreams."

"I don't know. Do you want to stay over here? You can babysit Joseph, and Cory can take me dancing tonight," she suggested, winking at her husband. The latter gave her a sexy grin and mouthed something private to her.

"What about the girls?"

"They will be at a slumber party at the Wallerstein's. Hopefully, they will be too tired to be so excited about Uncle Stan's bbq tomorrow," Cory drily lamented with a grin.

"We were going to ask Mom and Dad to watch Joseph, but if you are available," my big sister implied, with her brown eyes wide while imploring me.

"Do I have time to go to the library to search for more books?" I asked, looking at my watch, and observed that it was twelve thirty in the afternoon. My appointment was at five.

"I'll have dinner ready at 7:00," my sister promised.

"Hey big brother, can I borrow your car if I promise to follow the speed limit?" I quizzed.

Cory bought a 1967 blue Ford Mustang when he returned from Vietnam, and he cherished it like one of his children.

"Sure, why not."

"Thanks!! Wow, that was easier than I thought," I exclaimed, walking into the kitchen to retrieve the keys.

"Cory just said that so he would get a little nookie while Joseph takes a nap," Doris observed wryly, and her husband agreed enthusiastically.

"Ok, I am leaving. I'll be back at 7:00," I called, walking out, grabbing my book bag and purse. It was a hot July day, around 95 degrees.

The shiny blue Mustang, "Dee," as Cory called it, because it was his nickname for my sister, sat in the garage cool as a cucumber when I sat down. Turning the key, I thought about how I enjoyed driving. I had a green Volkswagen bug six years ago until I was tired of paying for parking in the City and sold it for a small pittance. Sadly, it was cheaper to ride the subway. I rolled down the window a bit before backing out of the garage with caution.

With the wind in my hair and the radio turned up very loudly, I enjoyed my thirty-minute drive to the Hempstead Library and the freedom it gave me. The Mustang's engine purred like a happy cat when I pressed down on the gas pedal as I flew down the highway, and I loved it.

Fortunately, I successfully found a couple of books to read that might help me with my paper. I was fortunate to have a therapist appointment already made so closely to this incident so I could process everything. I felt anxious about discussing the situation, and I still wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing. Sitting in the waiting room, I pretended to be interested in a People magazine as I waited for my therapist appointment. I flipped through the pages distractedly, glancing up every few pages.

Half-heartedly, I scanned an article on Prince Charles and Princess Di, a couple I usually enjoyed reading about.

"Hello Janine," Dr. Smith- Telles greeted as she invited me into her small office ten minutes later.

"I heard you had a mind-boggling day yesterday. How are you?"

"Inundated with emotions," I answered, truthfully, and she curiously peered at me with her violet eyes, prompting me to continue. I spilled my guts out with tears streaming down my face.

"I have been crying on and off," I admitted, "I love Egon very much, but I am not ready to give him a chance. I don't want my heartbroken."

"You gave him a few chances when you two were discovering your feelings for each other last year," Dr. Smith-Telles summarized.

"Yes."

"What can he do to convince you to take him back, or is there anything," my therapist poignantly inquired.

Shrugging, I didn't answer right away and answered, "I don't know."

After a pregnant pause, I stated, "My friends don't understand why I don't take him back. Well, I agree with them in a way. Egon just defended me from a major jerk and boldly confessed his love for me three days ago"

"You are afraid of being hurt, which is understandable given his track record with you. I want you to think about it, really think about it, what Egon can do to convince you to take him back," my therapist posed.

"When Egon asked me if I wanted him to stop trying to win me back, I didn't answer because I don't know," I replied, sobbing again.

"Dig deep, Janine, into your heart," Dr. Telles urged.

"I have, Dr. Telles, and I want to give him a chance. Once again, I don't want to risk my being hurt," I wept. She sympathetically smiled at me

"There is so much going on right now. Maybe I rushed into dating. Plus, I have a major paper to write this summer, and a professor who wants it perfect. This research paper I am doing is consuming all of my free time and it's taking its toll on my nerves," I fretted, wiping my tears.

"For our appointment next week, we can further process your emotions, the stress from school, and the difficulty of working with Egon during these challenging times," Dr. Telles said.

"How can you deal with the stress you are experiencing now, Janine?"

"Playing racquetball with Wendy, journaling, taking care of myself. My best friend from childhood and I are going on a long weekend vacation out of town in a couple of weeks" I rattled off.

"Good," the older lady said, nodding, "self care is very important right now, Janine. Despite your busy schedule, you must do it."

Egon

I didn't sleep last night due to my head, jaw, and nose throbbing, even though I took pain-alleviating medicine. The pain wasn't the only factor in my inability to rest- my bruised feelings about Janine and the evening's events.

I spent most of the night in the lab after Ray drove my Angel home to Brooklyn, and I took a shower. As I tried to wash away the agony, discontent, and struggle that I had in me still, it was too ubiquitous to disregard. I sadly resigned myself to the fact that Janine wasn't willing to reunite with me yet. Metaphorically, there was an enormous amount of pressure pushing down on me, and I thought that I would succumb to it. I felt on the verge of a breakdown.

Nevertheless, I was proud of myself for admitting my feelings to her before engaging in a physical fight with Victor. A couple of years ago, I would not have been able to verbalize my formidable feelings for Janine or for anyone that matters. I remembered that my words affected her enough not to go to the Opera, and I felt like that was a small victory in my favor.

Viewing a majestic-looking Janine standing in the landing and appearing most like a model on a red carpet took my breath away unexpectedly. I felt dizzy by her magicalness.. Her lovely face expressed shock in my declarations, along with some nervousness. I wish Janine had the confidence in her beauty that she deserved. I also experienced a toasty sensation covering my heart in totality that I identified as love.

As I let the hot water roll over my body, I inhaled the steam clearing my sinuses for a while. Unfortunately, I suffered from some sort of seasonal allergies. My black eye stung with pain as I bathed, and I held back the tears of agitation that were coming to my eyes. I was tired of different parts of my body aching, whether my bruised eye, nose, or lips. Only Janine could soothe my pain, and I longed for her arms around me or her gentle kisses on my lips or cheeks.

"How can I be so foolish as to let her go in May," I demanded softly.

Next, I opened the bottle of shampoo. After I massaged the liquid into my thick hair, I envisioned Janine looking spectacular earlier. I pounded my right fist against the bathroom wall once, feeling thwarted, causing myself to yelp in pain as it was the one I used to hit Victor. Fighting was not a usual activity that I engaged in, and my body wasn't used to it at all.

"I love you, Janine," I thought, "I would do this all again to win you back."

After I showered, Peter suggested that I express my feelings through writing since I couldn't see my therapist right away due to the holiday. I knew it would take a long time to process everything that occurred, but felt resistant to writing it all down. However, I meditated for a long time attempting to clear my mind.

I chose to listen to records and draw for most of the night in the lab, trying to free my mind and emotions of Janine so I could sleep. Although it didn't occur, I did draw her likeness from last night, appearing more beautiful than I had ever seen her when I confessed my feelings for her. I decided that I would give this cartoon strip that I have been creating for over a year, for her birthday. It was pretty massive; my tentative title is "Busting Ghosts and Finding Love: Egon and Janine."

We only had three category three busts the next day, so they were not complicated. Despite my lack of sleep, I functioned well, although damaged, psychologically and physically. With Janine's absence, it was quiet in the firehouse, and I wasn't sure I would be able to focus if she was here. I even found myself watering her plants around her desk because they looked a little deflated without her presence. They weren't the only ones missing her.

After our bust, I called my Dad to see his opinion on the situation.

"Was she OK," I wondered worriedly, dialing my parent's phone number in Cleveland.

"That's quite a pickle you put yourself in, son," my father responded after exhaling noisily, " but I am proud of you for standing up for Janine. I am sure she was appreciative."

"Yes, Janine was, but I just wish... she was willing to reunite," I lamented, sadly, " I have my work cut out for me to coax her to take me back."

""Your Mother and I could hardly believe when we visited you last month that you were broken up. We were so thrilled to meet her. Luckily, we were able to get to know her a little anyway. Janine's a keeper," Dad recalled.

Exasperatedly, I exhaled as Father went through all of Janine's fine qualities. We spoke for a short time longer then Venkman entered the room.

"Hey Iggy, give Janine some space for a while. She's…going through some stuff with her class and all of this," my balding friend suggested.

Nodding, I thanked him for his advice. It seemed like the most plausible idea.

"Hello, anyone here? Ray?" I heard Lucy's medium-pitched voice called Peter. I sat in the landing later in the early evening after playing Atari. We were having a Donkey Kong marathon.

Lucy appeared at the top of the stairs in a light blue dress and white heels with her long brown hair curled.

"Hey Luce," Peter enthusiastically greeted, looking up from the Atari game, thus ending his turn. He handed the joystick to me, and I began to play, " where are you going all dressed up like that?"

"A wedding. Where is Ray? RR--AAA--YY!" she yelled.

" Peter, scoot over. I need to talk to Egon 'freaking' Spengler for a bit," Lucy demanded bossily.

Appalled, I lost my turn too, and she rapidly took the controller out of my hand. Ray's little sister immediately paused the game then put it on the coffee table. As my face reddened, I stared at her for using Janine's silly nickname for me, and I couldn't believe that she mentioned it to her. When I glanced at Peter, his mouth was agape.

"Egon 'freaking' Spengler? What the hell?" Venkman asked incredulously, slapping his forehead with his hand. Lucy remained unphased and gave him a blank look back, and it was apparent that she wasn't going to entertain his foolishness.

"Oh great," I thought, loudly exhaling, " He will never let me live that one down."

"Make like a tree and leave, Venkman," she aggressively snapped when Peter looked expectantly at her to begin talking.

"Jesus," Venkman replied, rolling his brown eyes, "fine, I'll go get your brother, Luce. Egon 'freaking' Spengler? Please, come on."

"How are you doing, Egon," Lucy questioned me as she examined my face. I had a five o'clock shadow and still appeared weary from sleep.

"Couldn't sleep last night," I responded when she noted my exhaustion, then curiously probed while narrowing my eyes at her, " why did you call me that?"

"What, Egon 'freaking' Spengler?"

Nodding, I waited for her response, but Lucy just enigmatically shrugged.

"Janine told her friend that she called me that. Why would she do that?" I wondered, analyzing Lucy's visually pleasing face as she watched me bemusedly.

"But your eye and your lip and nose are not too painful," she inquired when I nodded.

"Egon, I ask because I am going to check on her later," Lucy informed, meeting my eyes.

"I believe in you and Janine as a couple, Egon, I always have. I would like to offer some advice, but I hope that you don't find it inappropriate or unwelcomed, " Lucy warned, a slight blush coming to her cheeks.

"Of course not," I responded with a slight upturn of my lips. I realized that I considered her a friend like Ray and Peter.

"Don't give up on Janine, but please don't push her. Slow and steady wins the race," Lucy simply suggested, her violet eyes twinkling.

"I will remember that, Lucy, thanks," I acknowledged, giving her a toothless smile as she rose from the sofa to retrieve her brother.

"Lucy," I stopped her by asking," how is Janine?"

"I haven't spoken to her," Lucy informed. She tossed her brown locks over her shoulder and screamed for Ray again. It was right in my ear, and I winced when she did so.

"Oh," I responded, unsure of what to say, and I wished I could console Janine.

"Slow and steady wins the race."

Eventually, Ray, dressed in black slacks and a white button-down shirt with a dark blue tie around his neck materialized with Peter at his side.

"Peter, quit being nosy. It's not always about you, sir," Lucy scowled at him, and Venkman quickly shut his mouth to my surprise.

"Here, take a polaroid of us," Ray handed Venkman the camera, appearing nervous in his more formal wear because he usually dressed for comfort.

"Ray, we gotta go," Lucy impatiently cautioned, looking at her watch, but her big brother persisted. Venkman took their picture using the Polaroid camera, and then they were gone.

"I don't know how Ray doesn't know about you and Lucy because you were leering at her again," I revealed acidly.

"It's over, Egon. Nothing to tell Ray about," Peter admitted, glumly, " I am calling Sarah; do you want to go on a double date?"

Enraged, I met his eyes and asked, " are you kidding me, Peter?"

"No, I wasn't, but I take that as a no."

"Good," I replied angrily and absconded to the lab. I had experiments to conduct and calculations to make.