Chapter 22 "Lonely"

May 7,1984

(Song suggestion "Owner of a Lonely Heart" by Yes)

Janine

Everyone from my best friend to my sister expressed their reluctance for me to return to work, but their concerns were unfounded.

I determinedly went to work as if Egon Spengler didn't exist or wasn't one of my bosses. My irritation and hurt had reached my maximum level, and I privately handed Peter my two-week notice.

"Damn it; I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, Janine. We need you here. You are invaluable to us, but I understand your reasoning for quitting. Is there anything I can do to change your mind, In all seriousness?"

Shaking my head, I didn't respond right away because I was contemplating the question while I looked at my charm bracelet, touching the heart-shaped one.

"Just keep Dr.Spengler away from me. He needs to go through you or Ray if he needs something from me, professionally, for these two weeks," I coldly said.

Like a protective older brother, Dr. Venkman hugged me and promised that he would.

Egon

Peter brought an complicated point to my attention- would Janine leave the company since we split up? Granted, it would be unwieldy for a time. Would she leave though?

When Janine began dating others, I would probably have a deep depression. The pain I have caused her with my withdrawal was already excruciating and tearing me up inside. Also, the burden of guilt from my nonaction made it almost unbearable, and in some ways, I felt like I was at my wit's end. I was happy that Peter had made an appointment with my psychiatrist because I needed help.

" I have made a mess of things, haven't I?"

"You haven't made it easy on yourself, Iggy, or her or even us for that matter," Peter responded, "I had hoped that your relationship with Janine would go smoothly, but you know what?"

Shrugging my shoulders, I listened. The tension in my shoulders increased, and I felt a dull aching there.

"You are self-destructive when it comes to your happiness, and I made an appointment for you to see your therapist this afternoon. Somehow you have to figure out what is behind this behavior," Venkman summarized.

"Yes, I agree," I muttered, using my right hand to release the tension in my right shoulder.

"We were going to lose Janine when she graduates, but now it may be coming much quicker. That means damage control time- I promise to try NOT to provoke her. Ray, you two get along fine, so that won't be a problem, but Egon, I have no idea how she will react to you on Tuesday. For everyone's safety, we will keep you away from her as much as possible," the man with thinning brown hair suggested.

With finality, my friend stated,

" It will be a great loss when we lose Janine, whether it is to her graduation or to you."

"Indeed," I sadly whispered.

Peter

My third date with Lucy was wild, and I was extremely fatigued when I returned to the firehouse. We started dancing at a popular rooftop bar in Queens, drinking and heavily flirting with each other. However, we ended up having hot passionate sex at her apartment a couple of times in the night.

Lucy was an enthusiastic and energetic partner and she enjoyed screwing about as much as I did. Plus, Ray strongly dissuaded me from pursuing Lucy for all of these years' added intensity.

Yawning, I strolled in, forgetting that Janine would not be in today.

Unshaven, Iggy was dressed like normal as he ate breakfast, but he seemed more unsociable than normal. We didn't say anything to each other as I walked to my room to take a shower and change clothes.

When I returned after removing last night's activities from my body, I poured a cup of coffee into a gray mug from the top cabinet's shelf.

"Good morning," I cheerfully greeted, sitting down at the table, and Iggy grunted a response as he was busy sketching a new idea for an innovation.

"Hello, Peter," Ray mumbled, appearing hungover and a little green in the gills.

"How did your date go," I mischievously inquired, knowing that Lucy paired her poor brother with someone that wasn't his type at all. She informed me that she wanted to help him get laid and that one of her sorority sisters should do the trick.

"Ohhhh. All Rebecca wanted to do was get drunk. I am past that point in my life," he declared animatedly, "so we drank all night. Man, that girl can drink!"

"Did you get any?"

Spengler incoherently grunted, causing Ray to peer up at him in surprise, and the younger Ghostbuster watched the eldest irritatedly tear the paper out of the notepad. Egon balled it up before throwing it in the trash can, but he missed.

"I can't get the specs right, Ray, and it's pissing me off," he said, irked, removing his glasses from his face and putting them on the table. He began to rub his temples with his fingers.

"Fascinating," I smugly commented on his use of swear words, and he gave me a murderous glare that threw poisonous daggers like a skilled ninja.

"We will get it, Iggy. I'm afraid I won't be much help until I can get this headache gone," Ray noted, standing up to put his dishes in the sink. He padded into the bathroom to retrieve some aspirin and then returned to the table. I questioned him again about his sexual activities last night with his date.

"No, Venkman, just a wild drunken make-out session. However, I almost had a threesome," Stantz informed, wryly, with a smile.

"Really," I inquired, my curiosity piqued as I had never had one. Still, as a typical red-blooded man, I always wanted to participate in one with two girls.

"You don't almost have a threesome, you either have one, or you don't," Egon replied, his feathers ruffled as he began a new sketch.

"How do you know," Ray wryly asked, viewing him like he had been a small child caught lying to his parents.

Egon Spengler's pale face turned light pink, but he replied, "Beth."

"Who," Stantz asked immediately.

"Beth? My friend, the Biology graduate student I set you up with years ago," I incredulously asked, my mouth dropping agape.

"Yes," Egon flatly answered, keeping his head down and focusing on his illustration.

Ray and I exchanged dubious glances and prodded our socially inept friend by questioning, "with two girls?"

Tilting his head towards me, Spengs nodded curtly and affirmed, "Yes, Peter, with girls. I don't have sex with men."

Iggy's emphasis on the word girls made Ray laugh, and his general cluelessness to the awesomeness of this rare phenomenon caused me to chuckle before I asked him for details.

"Spengs participated in a threesome," I thought incredulously.

"It was the last time that Beth and I had 'relations' so to speak before she went off to medical school," Spengler reluctantly described. His face turned a brighter shade of red as he spoke. We stared at him until he offered an explanation.

" It was her idea, not mine. Beth was curious and brought this redhead co-ed to my apartment, and we... you know..."

"How was it," I inquired anxiously.

"Awkward at first and at the end, but it...Ahem...did satisfy my...Uhm, 'scientific curiosity' about threesomes, but I don't desire to participate anymore," Egon shyly responded.

"If Janine offered to have sex with another woman and you, you would say no," I instigated..

"No, I don't want to share Janine with anyone. She's...Uhm...was...Ahem... mine," Iggy irately answered, turning redder again.

Ray and I were on the edge of our seats awaiting details when the phone rang, and our theoretical physicist quietly rose from his seat to answer it.

"Good Morning, Ghostbusters," Egon greeted, picking up the phone and turning his body away from us.

"Do you think he's lying," Ray whispered to me, lighting up a cigarette.

"Egon? No, he isn't a liar," I refuted immediately.

" I know Beth had a couple of short relationships with women before I set her up with Iggy, but that she preferred men. She and I both dated a scorching buxom blonde named Sunshine, but not at the same time."

"Sunshine?"

"You will be here on a Monday for a Chemistry conference over the weekend," Egon repeated into the phone, " What time is your flight?"

Patiently, we waited for Iggy to get off the phone with his parents, Drs. David and Dianne Spengler, chemistry professors from a prominent university in Ohio.

"Yeah, her real name was Agatha Carina Bledsoe," I explained, " I heard that she settled down in Boston and had a couple of young children. Sunshine could screw-like no one's business. Whew!"

"Not unlike your sister," I thought as Ray unexpectedly waited for details, so I provided him with some information about my exploits with the former Ms. Bledsoe afterward.

"My parents will be here in two weeks," Egon forlornly announced, hanging up the phone. "No doubt to meet Janine."

"Let me guess; you didn't tell David and Dianne that you broke it off with her?" I asked.

Grimly, Egon shook his head and flopped down in his chair in a huff.

"Great! I love your parents; they are swell people," Ray eagerly stated with a grin on his round face.

He exhaled the cigarette smoke above Egon's head and then put it out in the nearest ashtray. Spengs remained silent, but I could tell he was listening. I motioned for Ray to hand me the ashtray.

"You asked me yesterday if I had a solution to the situation, Spengs," I remarked, tapping my cigarette on the ashtray to remove the excess ash.

" and I don't have one. You are in a no-win situation, and you are determined to be miserable."

Iggy's head was still bent down, focused on his illustration, but he had ceased drawing. He recited something to himself as he held the pencil, and I noticed that his hand trembled. As a result, I felt poorly for him as I could see that he struggled with controlling his emotions.

" I know it isn't your fault for training Janine," Egon honestly revealed, "but I wish you would have listened to me about my concerns. Janine's safety is...Uhm...was my responsibility."

"Do you forgive me though, Iggy," I honestly wondered, " or are you still going to resent me?"

"I'm working on letting that go, Peter. However, I can't forgive myself for Janine's accident," he stated, "and I have tried, believe me."

"What are we going to do about Janine?"

" Excuse me," my wavy haired friend questioned, baffled. He truly didn't know what I meant.

"Janine is likely to quit now after this latest split from you," Ray answered, vexed at his cluelessness.

"Do you think so," the physicist blankly asked.

For such a brilliant man, Dr. Egon Spengler was so dense sometimes.

"Yes, Spengler, get your head out of the clouds here or out of your ass is more appropriate," Ray annoyedly replied.

"Well, you pushed Janine out of your personal life, but we also are going to lose her professionally. Didn't you think about that," I animatedly questioned.

Raising his head from his diagram, Egon viewed me with another blank expression.

Ray

"What the hell are you doing, provoking Iggy? The doctors just released him, and you are trying to get underneath his skin. Do you think this is a good idea," I condescendingly inquired after Spengler shut the lab's door boisterously.

"He's the one who came in here picking a fight with me," Venkman defended himself. He lifted his cigarette to his lips and inhaled deeply.

"I don't think a yelling match with Egon will help him, Pete," I responded drily.

"I want him to contemplate his decision before Brooklyn decides it is over for good," Peter shouted at me.

"Didn't you hear J yesterday? It is already over! You and I have been continually cautioning him that Janine would be pissed off with him if he persists in acting this way, with this "on and off" stuff. Now Iggy has yet to deal with the consequences," I replied bitterly.

"What do you think Egon will be like without Janine, Stantz," Venkman angrily howled, pausing to allow me to respond. I shrugged.

"Or when she begins to date or if she falls in love with someone? It won't be like before she entered our lives because he's grown as a person because of HER. It's going to take 'the wind out of his sail,' so to speak, and Iggy will stagnate then fall flat on his ass."

"We have done our due diligence with our socially awkward friend," I firmly stated, halting after I made it five steps away from Venkman.

" Pete, I am at a loss at what to do. Maybe Egon really isn't cut out for relationships," I listlessly remarked, " I'm exhausted by his poor treatment of our friend and secretary."

"Me too, Ray, me too," Peter admitted in a solemn voice unlike his own.

That effectively ceased our conversation for the evening as we all went our separate ways that night. Peter had a date with the mystery woman, and I agreed to go on a blind date with one of Lucy's sorority sisters that I didn't have high hopes for.

"Lucy, you can leave, thanks for covering for Janine," I announced at eight in the evening.

"You are welcome, big brother," she sweetly said, "good luck with your date. I am going dancing at the rooftop club in Queens with mine in a couple of hours."

Egon

Like a half-beaten, half-dead mouse that the cat dragged into the house, I returned to HQ after the ER around seven the next evening. Although the IVs had rehydrated me, the experience had numbed me for the time being.

My doctor told me to rest, and I used the majority of the time in the hospital meditating. Furthermore, I agreed with my earlier life decision not to use alcohol to fill the void of outrage or loneliness, and to avoid consumption of liquor in the future.

"Have I lost my mind?" I wondered.

If insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result, wasn't I exhibiting it with Janine?

My irateness with Peter over the decision to train Janine still threatened to erupt like a rig drilling for oil, and I still hadn't forgiven him. However, I could not condemn him for my separation from Janine because that was my decision.

"Lucy? Why are you here," I questioned as I walked towards Janine's desk, dismayed not to see our red-headed secretary. Ergo, I stopped in front of her desk.

"Filling in for Janine, why else," Lucy caustically quipped, giving me a dirty look. It was evident that the gorgeous Brooklynite informed her about our break up.

"Oh," I muttered, not thinking about how my ex would be affected.

"Did you think that Janine would be here the day after you dumped her?" the younger Stantz incredulously commented.

"Uhm, I-I-I," I stammered, noticing that Lucy glared at me in a most agitated way. She was closer to Janine than me so it wasn't a surprise she defended my ex.

"Egon Spengler, you just lost the best thing that happened to his life, I hope you realize that. I'm going to ensure she finds a man ten times better than you," Lucy madly declared, her violet eyes flashing.

Her words provoked a feeling of bitterness and jealousy in me so I quietly turned away from her and strode towards the stairs.

Exhaling loudly, I didn't have a response to Lucy's threat nor did I have a right to be enraged that she would set Janine up with someone else after I broke up with her again.

Ray's younger sister kept on speaking as I ascended the stairs, but I couldn't focus on her words any longer.

"Peter, we have to talk," I grumbled after both of my business partners inquired about the recovery of my health.

A lingering headache infiltrated my head, so I went to retrieve a glass of water from the kitchen to take the pain-alleviating medicine we stored there. The doctor gave me a low dose of sleeping medication to turn off my mind at night, and I already picked up that prescription. He then recommended that I make an appointment with my therapist to begin anti-anxiety medicine.

Nevertheless, I knew my friend, the psychiatrist, completed that task for me. After ingesting my pain reliever, I went into the landing where Peter sat, ready to discuss.

"I still blame you for what happened to Janine," I accused, sitting in the lazy boy recliner.

"All I did was encourage her because our caseload expanded. Janine wasn't hurt because of the equipment on the case. She didn't have a proton pack on her back. She became frightened and she tripped," my oldest friend with thinning brown hair replied, in all seriousness for once.

"Brooklyn had to unlock the trap. Your anger is erroneous," Venkman surmised after a pause.

"Are you saying that it's Janine's fault," I yelled, my blood pressure rising and my head pulsating in pain.

"No, Egon, it isn't. It was an accident," Ray interrupted, putting the newspaper down.

"The big problem is that you let your common sense about the situation succumb to the ridiculous guilt you choose to carry on your shoulders," Peter poignantly concluded.

Exhaling noisily, I stood and paced around the room back and forth the way I do when I have a problem to solve. Venkman lit up a cigarette, and a cloud of smoke wafted over my head.

"Melnitz spent two and a half weeks trying to persuade you of that fact until you wigged out on her and broke up with her. That was a huge miscalculation," Peter heatedly pointed out to me, and he emphasized the word huge.

"How can I be with her if I can't protect her, Venkman? Tell me," I fiercely demanded, my face flushing in anger as I ceased pacing.

"Janine loves you, Spengs, isn't that enough," Ray butted in rudely, " and you love her."

"But you ended it with her. When Janine falls in love with someone else, it is going to destroy you, I'm afraid," Peter predicted, standing from his seat and striding to my location.

Venkman and I were the same height, so we eyed each other for a long beat before I dejectedly admitted with a clenched jaw,

" Most likely, yes."

"Tell me, Mr. Psychiatrist, should I persist in breaking Janine's heart by my inability to recuperate from my mistake" I hissed sarcastically.

"I am going to the lab to work, Peter, I want to hear your brilliant answer to my conundrum later," I stated.

Lucy

Arriving in the Firehouse at eleven fifteen in the morning in a short-sleeved floral dress, I found Ray and Peter slumped over in their desk chairs, looking haggard, like they had went on a drinking binge the night before. Both had dark circles underneath their eyes and unshaven faces.

"What the hell happened to you two," I interrogated, scrutinizing the two men in front of me as I strolled toward their offices.

"Spengler had alcohol poisoning and we had to go to the hospital at two in the morning," my brother sadly remarked then yawned noisily,

Perplexed, my mouth dropped agape, and immediately I inquired, " Is he OK?"

"Yes, Thank God," Peter admitted, relief displayed on his round face, ""he will be released later in the early evening."

" The doctor's recommended that Iggy stay for the night to rehydrate," Ray added.

"Is this because Egon broke up with Janine, or did something else happen that I am not aware of," I investigated, lowering myself in a chair next to my brother.

Although I was furious with the brainiac for once again wounding my good friend from Brooklyn, I didn't wish him any harm. I intently stared at the two sloppily dressed men until they began speaking.

"Oh, I see that Janine told you," Peter melancholy responded after a long pause.

"We do not know exactly, but yes, I think so. Egon took yesterday afternoon off, which was the first warning sign. Other than that, we don't have much information," Ray thoughtfully described, rubbing the stubble on his face with his right hand.

"That's not usual, correct?" I asked. Swiftly, I picked up my purse and found a rubber band to put my straight brown hair in a ponytail as it was pretty thick and produced heat on my neck. Although it was only May, New York City was warming up quickly, and I didn't like to sweat.

"No, Spengs is a workaholic. He came back smelling like a liquor cabinet earlier," Peter summarized, giving me a slight smile as he slowly looked me over, and gave me a wink. He was awfully brave flirting with me in front of Ray, who seemed oblivious as usual.

"You can't tell Janine that this happened," I insisted, still in shock by the situation, "J will worry. She is already both grief-stricken and enraged at our dear theoretical physicist."

"Agreed," my brother commented, and Dr. V. nodded in agreement.

" Let's alter Janine's days off, give her tomorrow off then she's off Sunday because we are close. Then Brooklyn can have Monday off," Peter thoughtfully advised, and he scribbled on a sticky note to call her.

"I can't work her shift," I cautioned, becoming anxious as my heart rate increased in my chest, "Ray, we have to go see our Uncle Thomas in Canada tomorrow, we already made plans ."

"Yes, yes," my older brother exasperatedly commented.

Disregarding his comment, I searched for a piece of gum in my backpack.

"I don't need you to forget, Ray. Sometimes you forget things," I grumbled as he gave me an annoyed glare.

Peter picked up the phone on his desk, and then he dialed a phone number. First, he called a former student who agreed to cover the phone for tomorrow, and next to Janine to let her know about the change in her schedule.

Rising from my chair, I went to my friend's desk to put my backpack away. I brought some books to study for my upcoming final exams next week because there wasn't much more to say about Egon.