Ok, let's try this again, lol. I tried 3 times the other day to post this but it was a mess with code every time. Fingers crossed!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Wakefulness came slowly, dawning like the hazy rise of the sun. Leia emerged from a deep sleep, which was surprising in and of itself. It had been a long time since she had slept so soundly. Her body felt so warm and content, every muscle relaxed. Half of her wanted to remain just so, lingering in the cozy comfort where there was nothing bad or disheartening, not a thing to worry about.

The responsible part of her nagged at her to rise, refused to allow her any reprieve. It forced her mind into awareness and she immediately realized something wasn't quite right. She was not lying entirely on a bunk. She moved her hand, felt muscle beneath some type of fabric, and became alarmed before her eyes popped open.

She was quick to orient herself and remember she had allowed Han to hold her in a rare moment of weakness. Remaining still, her face grew heated and she groaned inwardly. Could she sneak away without waking him?

Leia despised showing weakness in front of anyone, and this was Han of all people. He would never let her live this down. Why had she allowed her defenses to fall so low?

The details came back to her and she recalled how comforting and tender he had been. She had felt too vulnerable to appreciate it at the time, but in retrospect, it was surprising to find that he was capable of such care. He had tried to reassure her about her part in the destruction of Alderaan.

The looks on the faces of the refugees returned to haunt her, combined with their accusatory words. It had been a blow to hear her own thoughts echoed by their voices. She had spent all this time trying to convince herself not to carry this heavy burden of guilt, yet had been unable to fully banish it. Now, their words only added to the weight that constantly threatened to bury her beneath its bulk.

The guilt could no longer remain below the surface. This encounter had brought that fetid, vicious beast bursting from her innermost depths. And it attacked her more fiercely than it ever had.

Leia closed her eyes, unable to stand these feelings that now consumed her. She thrust them aside and focused on her current situation, the one she could actually do something about.

Han had been so gentle with her. She never would have believed him capable. Being encased in his arms had been so warm and soothing, had seemed to gather all her broken pieces and bring her back from the precipice of grief she had been dangling from.

And now, here she was. She needed to extricate herself as quickly and quietly as possible. Very slowly, she turned her head to look at him.

He was fast asleep and the lack of guile in his expression caught her breath. This was not the first time she had observed him in sleep. So, why did she find herself so affected?

She had always thought him handsome. But, gazing up at him now, the only word that came to mind was 'beautiful.' The slight curl of his lashes, his softly parted lips, his hair, more tousled than usual…

Mentally shaking herself, Leia held a breath and began to withdraw very slowly, praying not to rouse him. She was too emotional right now, she needed to put some distance between them and recover herself.

Silently, she took one arm from where it lay on his chest and pulled it slowly back onto the bunk. The other arm followed with just as much care, and now she was removing herself from atop the rest of his body. As she sat up carefully, she let out a sigh of relief.

Something banged loudly on the door, accompanied by an ornery growl, and Leia jumped up with a yelp as Han startled to a sitting position, eyes wild. They were both too shocked to reply, so Chewie pounded on the door again with a more raucous roar.

"All right, all right!" Han groused, his countenance arranged darkly. He rubbed at both eyes. "I'll be right there!"

Leia's hands worried together and she stared diffidently at the deck. Peripherally, she saw Han stand, was aware of him stretching with a weary groan. He took a step closer to her and she had no choice but to look at him. His expression was as leery as hers.

"You all right?" he asked, eyes shifting to the side then back again.

She nodded hesitantly. "Um, I'm sorry about last night."

He frowned with a brief bounce of his shoulders. "Don't worry about it." He paused. "We're about to come out of hyperspace."

She had understood that much of Chewie's grumblings. Her eyes lowered again and the awkwardness of the moment was palpable, living tentacles tightening around them, almost squeezing the air from her. It was an effort to breathe.

"Well," he said slowly, as if the words were being forcefully extracted from his mouth. "I'll be in the cockpit." His lips pursed a bit before he turned with an odd shake of his head and left the cabin.

Leia released a long, deep breath. Why was it so difficult to imagine what might be going through that man's mind? He was always so circumspect, not allowing anything in or out. It was endlessly frustrating, making it even more difficult to manage her own emotions. She sat down on the bunk and placed her face in her palm.

What did he want from her? He seemed to stalk her at times, avoid her completely at others. She never knew what to think.

And he was leaving…

That's what it came down to. She realized, with a dull thud in her stomach, that she wanted more from him. More than these random, casual nights of passion. She wanted more of what he had given her last night: his comfort and care, his tenderness and affection.

Dismay swarmed through her as she realized she could never have that with Han. Because he was leaving…always leaving.

He had stayed far longer than she would have expected when he first told her he would stay a while and work for the Rebellion. And now, all this time later, she wanted him to stay. Stay permanently.

But, to what end? He wasn't the type to commit, to her or the Rebellion. She had way too much pride to ask him to stay. And even if he agreed, eventually he would want his freedom. Plus, there was that debt to the Huttese Crime Lord.

Leia sighed again with deep longing. No, there was no way there could ever be anything more between them. And she really should have put a stop to this sooner. At this point, she was in too deep and would end up hurt no matter what the outcome.

OOOOOOOOOOO

This wasn't going to last forever and he knew it. Did he even want it to last forever?

Han shook his head in disbelief at the thought. He wanted Leia. And he wasn't going to be so timid about it anymore.

Timid had never been a word he would have used to describe himself at any point in his life. But that was what he had been: tentative and uncertain. Now, he would take control of the situation.

He wound his way through the corridors of Home One. It was late, and he was fairly certain that Leia would be in her cabin. He had backed out of attending her debriefing about the mission. Meetings were one of his least favorite things.

At her door, he took a breath and knocked shortly. The door slid open more quickly than expected and it took Han a moment to realize he needed to do something. She was staring up at him in expectant annoyance.

Gathering all his nerve, he strode forward, forcing her to fall back further inside. Before she could react, he was on her, arms quickly drawing her body to his. She had only a moment for her eyes to widen, her lips to part in surprise. He kissed her with all the passion he had been holding back, relinquishing all pretense of reservation. She hesitated for just a whisper of a breath. Then, her hand was gripping the back of his neck, her other arm clutching his shoulder. Her mouth was vibrant beneath his, opening to his thrusting tongue.

He pulled her from the floor and, with one arm around her waist, brought her to the cot and practically dropped her on the mattress. As he lowered himself over her, she raised her arms to eagerly receive him. He allowed himself a cocky grin before kissing her again. Anxious hands removed each other's clothing and he was inside her, fast and furious, unable to take his time, in an effervescent passion.

He tried to slow down, but then her hands were on his buttocks, urging him on, and he was adrift in the blissful heat of her. His orgasm was swift, crushing, staggering…

He convulsed inside her and it seemed to go on forever, the rapture feeling as if it were permeating his soul. When reality began to return and his breathing struggled to calm, he could do no more than tenderly kiss her cheek.

Her fingers stroked gently at the short hairs at the back of his neck and, for some reason, the gesture moved him, brought a vulnerability to the surface. It was more than he could handle and he rolled to his back, breaking all physical contact.

"That was…" He paused for a few breaths. "Faster than I had planned." He breathed a bit more. "I, uh…sorry about that."

Her breathing was sped up, but nowhere near the pace of his. "It's okay," she replied impassively.

Where does this go now? he wondered. A couple of minutes later, he rose onto his side, head in his hand, and looked at her. Her eyes were closed and he could read nothing in her expression. "So, uh…" he began awkwardly, trying to work things out in his head. "What is it we're doing here?"

Her eyes popped open and her head turned to stare back at him. Something softened in her eyes before her usual, taciturn mask returned. "You tell me," she replied stolidly, revealing nothing.

Their stubborn gazes held for several heartbeats. Well, here goes…

"You like to pretend you don't want me," he said knowingly.

Her head tilted to one side and a brow rose smartly. "I could say the same of you."

Outwardly, he didn't react. Inside, he was smiling. This woman was almost as good as him. He geared up for his next suggestion, uncertain how she might receive it. "Maybe it's time to stop pretending."

Her only reaction was a slight tightening around the eyes. "Maybe you're right," she replied smoothly.

A small light of hope sparked inside him. He struggled for what to say next, having not expected to get so far. "So…this is a thing then?"

"A thing?" she repeated disdainfully.

Wracking his brain for a recovery, he was slow to respond. "I mean…we can do this…we don't have to tip toe around it?"

She studied him for a long, drawn-out moment and Han wondered what was going through that sharp mind of hers.

"No, we don't have to 'tip toe' around it. We've put it out there now. Clearly, it's something we both want."

A smile threatened to overtake him, but he only allowed a lopsided grin.

"But," she quickly added, "this isn't something I want going public."

Something gnarled and snagged in his chest at her statement. He wasn't one to run around in front of others, yet he resented her implication. As if he were an embarrassment. "Don't worry," he said snidely. "I don't wanna ruin my reputation either."

She frowned with a crinkle in her brow. "And what reputation would that be?"

He stumbled for a moment, unprepared. "Well, you know." He made a circular gesture with a hand. "You're not exactly the type of woman I carry on with."

The wrinkle in her brow grew deeper and her eyes hardened. "You know, you would be perfect if only you never spoke."

He grinned, pleased to have gotten a rise out of her, but inside he felt unsettled. At the moment, he wanted to wipe that look of aggravation off her face, shut her up, and make her moan with delight.

"I'm glad we got all this settled." He moved closer, placed a hand on her shoulder, and pushed her onto her back somewhat roughly. For just a breath, her venomous gaze intensified. Then, he settled his body over hers. "Now, I think I owe you something." He saw his meaning hit and a tiny smile tugged at one side of her mouth. Han grinned, intensely satisfied then began to flit his tongue down the silkiness of her skin.