Thank you for your patience with that last chapter! It's going to get even more interesting...
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"I hope no one saw you coming here." Leia's voice was acidic, which was not at all uncommon.
Han heard the door to her cabin whisper shut behind him. His jaw tensed. "You know I'm always careful," he sneered. Every time she reminded him they were to remain a secret, it rankled him.
She seemed to shrug it off, taking the two steps that bridged the gap between them. With surprising force, she placed a hand at his chest and pushed him against the wall. Han's pulse quickened as his back met the bulkhead.
He grinned, full force. "Someone missed me," he quipped.
She rolled her eyes. "Why must you always ruin things by speaking?" Then, her body was against him, warm and soft.
She was ravenous for him, heating him to a boiling point. Her teeth nipped at his lips and Han was silently thankful for the long mission that allowed him to return to such passion.
They ended up on the bunk, Leia's nails raking down his back. Hands, mouths, limbs intertwined…the pleasure glowed inside him, entranced him, and a now-familiar possessiveness surged through him. During intimate moments, it was impossible to ignore that she imbued more in him than simple lust.
He drew back to gaze at her face, searching, always searching for something more. Reflexively, her dark eyes met his, lancing his heart with an aching desire. Then, they quickly closed, blocking him out, blanking the connection that always seemed out of his reach. A dash of anger met desire and his movements grew faster, more forceful, until reality shattered for both of them, culminating in that exquisite climax that shook them both.
In the aftermath, he was too satiated to hold onto the spark of ire. This woman was like a game he could never quite figure out how to play, with rules that constantly changed, never giving him hope for victory.
He pulled away and they both lay on their backs without touching, breath raspy. As the storm roaring inside him abated, Han was left with the hollow feeling he often felt after an intimate encounter. He was growing used to it at this point, had been saddled with it for months. Quite often, he left swearing he was going to end this affair. Yet, by the next morning, he found himself yearning for her again and unable to deny himself. He was like a spice addict who couldn't kick the habit.
And Leia was the most addictive, tantalizing spice.
A glance in her direction showed her eyes closed, a serene expression settled over her. It seemed the only time she was relaxed was after their exuberant, sexual encounters. He couldn't recall any other occasion when her shoulders were not tensed, her eyes were not tightened with stress. It pleased him more than he wanted to admit that he was the source of her solace from the daily, mundane stress of a life at war.
"I have a proposition for you," she said suddenly, eyes still closed.
He perked up. "Give me a few minutes and you got it."
Her head turned and one eye peeked open. "Not what I was talking about."
He grinned in return. "You sure?"
"Very," she replied dryly.
"So, what's up?"
Both eyes were now open. "I have to go on a supply run to Ardos then bring those supplies to Hoth. Would you like to join me?"
She made it sound so impersonal. Inside, he rejoiced at some time alone with her away from the base, as well as from prying eyes. But he refused to acknowledge it. He forced his usual bluster. "What's in it for me?"
She didn't bat an eye. "The usual fee."
He gave her a jaunty wink. "You got yourself a deal, Your Highnessness."
Annoyance fleetingly curved her brow. She made no secret that she hated those taunting nicknames. If she didn't, he would probably stop using them. He scooted closer and ran a hand down her hip to caress her thigh and stroke the curve of her buttocks. Abruptly, she turned on her side and gave him her back, dismissing him.
He forced himself to swallow the umbrage this action caused. His eyes landed on the tiny pinpricks scattered across her shoulder, trailing down the middle of her back. For perhaps the hundredth time, he wondered about the unusual marks. With gentle fingers, he traced the barely-visible path.
"What are these?" he murmured.
He couldn't help but notice the way she stiffened. "Scars." Her voice rang loudly in the tiny room, as if she declared them with grudging pride.
His eyes never left the scars. "From what?"
Many heartbeats passed with no answer.
"What're they from?" he asked more loudly, aware that she had no desire to reply.
"Torture droid," she finally answered in a stoic tone.
Han's eyebrows rose to his hairline. He had always assumed that she had been tortured aboard the Death Star. But assumption and fact were two different things.
His gaze followed the movement of his fingers as he suddenly found himself anguished and protective. Impulsively, he bent and pressed his lips against the tiny dots, brushing them gently along the path that led down her spine.
She edged away from him, body taut. "Don't," she breathed harshly.
Han froze in place, a myriad of emotions swirling inside him. In equal parts, he wanted both to encircle her in his arms and erase those memories from her, and to close up into himself at her rebuff. He didn't know what to do, as these feelings intertwined, leaving him confused and hesitant.
Before he could decide on a course of action, Leia rose in one quick movement and was crossing the small room. She pulled a white robe from a storage locker and paused, head inclined just enough to acknowledge him without looking at him.
"I have an early meeting. I'll send you the file on the mission to Andor." With that, she hit the door controls and disappeared into the refresher.
Han sat up, his entire being now on edge. She was always dismissing him! His teeth grated together as a slow burn of anger rose inside him. He stood and began to dress, ready to put some much-needed distance between them.
OOOOOOOOOOOOO
Inside the tiny room, Leia stood trembling, eyes clenched shut. Her robe pooled at her feet as panic shook her.
The soft feel of Han's lips against those abhorred scars had hit her like a meteor, threatening to splinter her in two. No one had ever seen them before, and until now, he had never mentioned them, leaving her to assume he hadn't noticed. The tiny gesture of comfort had been too much to bear.
She took several deep breaths, a pinprick of tears behind her closed lids. Since the destruction of Alderaan and the loss of her family, Leia hadn't experienced such a tender, caring gesture. Nor had she believed she needed to. She didn't want to allow anyone too close. It always felt dangerous to her soul. It was easier to remain at a distance, was too risky to develop deep feelings. She couldn't take any more loss, had endured too many already. But, after close to three years of a barren, cold existence, Han's gentle compassion had rendered her a quaking mess. If there was anyone she needed to guard her heart against, it was the stubborn Corellian.
Breathing evenly now, she sunk to the floor and bit back the tears that threatened. Why was she so unnerved? She had slept with Han more times than she could count, always careful to remain emotionally neutral, always disavowing any post-coital contact that implied a connection beyond the physical. And when undue feelings began to seep into their interactions, she avoided him. Sometimes, she renounced the affair altogether. But eventually, he would show up at her door and she found the passion of their interludes impossible to resist. It was the one bright spot in a mass of boredom and hopelessness.
But, the tenderness of his lips in that moment…it was the comfort she hadn't allowed herself to receive. The caring that she rejected from anyone, even Luke. And it had threatened to break her.
She needed to compose herself. When would he leave? She had expected him to be gone long before now, had listened to him casually mention it sporadically, each time cloaking her heart from becoming too attached to him. It was, at times, a struggle to keep those barriers in place. And tonight, he had crippled them in one fell swoop, with just a brush of his lips on that most vulnerable spot. She would need to bolster and reinforce them before she saw him again.
The mission to Ardos had seemed a convenient idea. A mix of business and pleasure, an opportunity for an easy procurement of materials for the Hoth Base, while managing to get in some personal enjoyment as well. Regardless of the often hostile nature of their interactions, her body continually craved him. It was impossible to resist that enticing, magnetizing lure straight into bed with him.
Collecting herself, she leaned back against the transparisteel of the narrow shower stall. By the time they would leave for Ardos, surely this feeling of susceptibleness would have receded and disappeared.
At least she hoped so.
OOOOOOOOO
Leia collapsed on top of Han as he still pulsated inside her, hands gripping her buttocks as he rode out the final, throbbing throes of climax. He shuddered a few moments longer then was still. Their bodies were slick with sweat, seeming to cement them together.
As they both regained their senses, Leia was quick to raise herself up on quaking arms in an effort to retreat. He didn't want the soft, hot feel of her body to leave him, so he captured her in his arms and pulled her back down on top of him.
She tensed inside the circle of his strong embrace and Han breathed rapidly into the curve of her neck. She tried again to rise from where he held her firmly, but Han only clutched her more closely. He could feel her heart pounding even more swiftly than his, the rhythms at odds with each other. Nothing happened for a full minute and he thought that perhaps he had won this round.
"I have to use the refresher," she whispered into his chest, voice tight.
With an irritated glower, he released her from his grasp. She made haste to get away from him, retrieved her pants, and began to step into them.
"Why don't you grab one of my shirts? Just throw it over and head out."
Without looking at him, she pulled on her own shirt. "That's okay." She was out the door in a flash.
Han sighed with disgust. Directed at both her and himself. He was tempted to follow her and barge right into the 'fresher, but that would most likely lead to an argument. And that was the opposite of what he wanted.
He wanted her soft and yielding against him, molded into his body. He wanted her to want to be in his arms, for more than just sex. He wanted to see her comfortable with him, trusting and supple. Never before had he had such desires. It was extremely uncharted territory and he couldn't fathom how to proceed. Leia remained simply unapproachable. He pulled the thin blanket up to his chest and waited.
She was gone for some time. Han was just beginning to grow frustrated when the door whooshed open and she stepped inside. She didn't look at him as she went to her travelpack and pulled out her sleepgown. Shedding her clothes, she threw on the gown, causing him to wonder what the point of it might be. Wordlessly, she returned to the bunk. She dropped down lightly and was quick to turn on her side, away from him.
The silence between them was thick, oppressive. Eyes boring down on her, he was indecisive. Finally, he screwed up his courage, took a quiet breath, and turned to face her back. He shifted closer and placed one arm around her middle, casually, as if it were a normal occurrence. She went instantly rigid.
"What are you doing?" she asked in a voice that sounded near panicked.
"What?" he responded with exaggerated innocence.
"I said," she replied pointedly. "What are you doing?"
"Gettin' comfortable."
"Well, I'm not comfortable," Leia declared.
At this point, Han wasn't feeling all that comfortable either. "All right," he countered affably. "I'll turn the other way and you can put your arm around me."
"Why would I want to do that?" That haughty edge had seeped into her tone.
Han rolled to his back with a huff of frustration and clenched his jaw. This woman was simply impossible. He felt anger rising, heat crawling up his neck. Turning away from her, he shoved a rough hand beneath his pillow and grumbled under his breath. "Frigid."
"What was that?"
"Nothing," he called pleasantly over his shoulder. After a beat, he felt the mattress shift and heard her leave the bunk. He spun to face her and watched her gather her clothes. "What're you doing?"
"Going to sleep in the crew quarters."
His jaw dropped. "Why?"
"There's no reason to stay here."
He sat up as she picked up her boots. "What?" he asked incredulously.
Expressionless, she regarded him briefly. "We're finished here."
He blinked. "Finished?"
Instead of offering more of an explanation, she headed to the door. Han jumped up and blocked her way, now furious. "Why do you always leave?" he demanded.
For just a heartbeat, she looked wide-eyed and vulnerable. Quickly, the tough mask fell into place again. "Why would I stay?"
Words caught in his throat. Was it worth the risk to say what was on his mind? Ambivalent, he straddled the mid line. "Are you saying you don't ever want more?"
In her eyes, he saw that she had caught his meaning, yet refused to admit it. "I assure you, I am quite satisfied."
He took a step closer and deliberately lowered his voice. "You know that's not what I mean."
She seemed to grow in stature before him as she straightened her spine. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"I think you do." Now, his voice was a husky whisper. I think sometimes, you think about me meaning more to you than just someone to tumble into bed with."
Her lips parted, ready with a retort, but her eyes held a hint of fear. "You're delusional."
"Am I?" He lost the hard edge, expression becoming gentle. "Why do you keep coming back to me?"
Her gaze fell to the floor and she clutched her clothing more tightly to her chest. She was softening, he could see it, and it brought him a small ray of hope.
She returned to look at him. "I'm not going to stroke your already inflated ego by reminding you how good you are in bed."
His sense of pride bloomed, but he kept his thoughts on what truly mattered. "It's more than that."
She shook her head starkly. "No, it's not."
Struck by sudden inspiration, he summoned a lie without a blink. "So, you won't care when I leave the Rebellion."
Leia didn't miss a beat. "I'll be sorry to see you go. You're a great asset to the Alliance."
He nodded slowly, disbelieving. "I guess now's as good a time as any to tell you."
The question dawned in her eyes but it took a moment for her to speak. "Tell me what?"
"I'm leaving a week from tomorrow."
Her eyes betrayed her feelings, widening, the pupils dilating. He watched her carefully as her lips pinched and her eyes seemed to grow dim.
"So sudden." Her voice held an abrupt husky quality.
"Yeah, well, it's been almost three years coming." It was difficult to hold her gaze and when she averted her eyes, he did too. They met in the middle again.
"Where will you go?" she asked carefully.
"Gonna pay off Jabba. I ran into one of his henchmen on Rilayus. Set up a deal." He had never been short on stories when he was under pressure.
"And then what?" She seemed to stop breathing in anticipation.
His lip jutted out with a shrug. "I dunno. Could end up anywhere." He paused and leaned down a bit closer to her. "You got any ideas where I should go?"
Her large, lustrous eyes stared up at him and she slowly shook her head.
His heart sunk to his stomach. She would never admit to her feelings, would remain the Ice Queen under any circumstances. He felt suddenly cold and tired. He no longer wanted her in his arms.
"Well, Your Highness," he said in a neutral tone, stepping aside now to allow her to pass. "Good night."
Hands still clinging tightly to the bulk of her clothing, she stared up at him a heartbeat too long. It almost seemed as if she might say something, but her lips compressed together and she left without a word.
Han's eyes closed as the door swished shut. He had put that disinformation out there, and maybe it was the right time to leave. This thing with Leia would never change, he needed to accept that. What it was right now was all it would ever be. And he was needlessly torturing himself by remaining.
Yet, it felt so wrong to leave.