Let's see how Han is doing...

OOOOOOOOOOO

Han was brooding, hurting in the worst way imaginable. His heart felt raw and ravaged, as if a graznor had sunk its razor-sharp claws deep into his chest and shredded his insides. He hadn't known he could experience pain like this.

Physical pain he was used to. He had received more bruises, cuts, and lacerations than he could count. He had broken limbs, several ribs, and his nose on more than one occasion. Several blaster bolts had grazed and burned him, and he had once fallen several stories and suffered multiple fractures and a severe concussion. He would gladly take those all over again, in one fell swoop than endure his current agony for another moment.

Sitting on his bunk, he leaned back against the wall, drinking his third whiskey and trying very hard to feel nothing. It was not working yet and he wondered just how much alcohol he needed to drink before it did.

How had Leia never mentioned that she was engaged? In three years, she had not once hinted at it. What a fool he had been to imagine there could be anything real between them. It was his own damn fault for allowing himself to have feelings for her. He should have stuck with his age-old credo of caring for no one but himself.

He scowled and took another swig of the whiskey in his glass. At first, he had stormed through the ship, cursing all women, and one in particular. The whiskey had calmed him and now the anger swelled beneath the surface, straining like the distended stomach of some long-dead animal.

Of course, there was some rich, handsome, well-bred guy waiting to marry her. She was a Princess, after all. Judging by this guy's clothes, he was probably royalty as well. Wasn't that what she deserved? Someone who could give her everything she wanted?

And he would bring resources to the Rebellion. Isn't that wonderful? he thought darkly.

Han had literally nothing, other than a fast ship that was constantly in need of repairs. What could he ever expect to offer her? He had known this from the beginning, had realized the futility of going after a woman like her.

But he hadn't gone after her. She had met him in the middle, wanting him as desperately as he had wanted her. He had been helpless to resist.

Gods, after Ord Mantell…

He clenched his eyes shut.

I want to be with you.

Yeah, until Prince Charming showed up, he thought bitterly.

He had let her in, more than he had ever considered letting anyone in before. What a mistake that had been. He ran a hand over his face, allowing it to linger, and growled to himself.

It was over, that much was clear. He needed to let it go. Why couldn't he let it go? He downed the rest of the whiskey, allowing it to pool in his mouth, the bitter taste distracting for just an instant. It burned as it slid down his throat and Han welcomed it.

A loud pounding sounded on his cabin door.

"Yeah!" he groused, knowing who had such a heavy fist.

The door slid aside and Chewie walked in and neared the bunk. Han kept his eyes averted.

His barked question only added fuel to his engines. "No, I didn't know she was engaged," he growled, low and angry.

A few beats passed before the Wookiee spoke again.

Han sat up, grabbed the whiskey bottle from the floor, and paused to glare at his friend. "Doesn't matter. What's done is done." He twisted off the top, poured himself another glass, and replaced it on the floor. He didn't bother closing it, only dropped the bottle top beside it. After a long swallow and that bittersweet, burning sensation, he spoke through clenched teeth. "Let's get the Falcon into top shape. Then get the hell outta here."

Chewie huffed a suggestion.

"I don't wanna talk to her. I just wanna leave. Time to move on."

He barked a negation.

Han's eyes hardened further. "It's crystal clear to me. Give it up, she's moving on to bigger and better things." His acidic tone held a galaxy full of sarcasm and rancor. "We need to do the same."

Chewie's growled question hit its mark and Han sighed through his nose, a fresh bolt of pain jarring him. Of course, he loved her. But he wouldn't admit it, not even to his best friend. "I don't wanna talk about her anymore." He sipped his drink again and didn't look up when his co-pilot turned and left without another word.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Inside Leia's small, chilly quarters, she stood while Benny sat on her bunk. She had forgotten her gloves and so she stood, arms around herself, hands beneath her armpits. Benny wore a thick, black coat of current fashion that she could tell had cost a great deal of credits. Funny how much of a waste such an extravagance seemed to her now.

Her mind was still whirling from these latest events. What could Han possibly be thinking right now? She needed to speak to him as soon as possible, to assuage what he clearly had to be thinking.

Benny stood suddenly, took the few steps towards her, and guided her arms down to take her cold hands in his warmer ones. While the heat felt good, the intimacy felt strange and surreal.

"Leia," he murmured. "Oh, how I've missed you."

His words were cutting. She didn't want to hurt him, had never expected this situation. "Benny," she said slowly and evenly. "I never expected to see you again."

He smiled. "I told you, I wasn't going to let you go so easily."

Her eyes shifted away in discomfort then returned out of obligation. "I thought…for certain that you would no longer wish to marry me. I have nothing, I'm not really even a Princess anymore. What do you have to gain by marrying me?"

He brought her hands to his chest, clutching them more tightly. "Leia, it was never about financial or social gains. I thought you knew that when I asked for your hand. I love you. I've loved you for what seems like forever."

Leia's gaze fell to his hands gripping hers so tightly. "I'm not the same girl you knew on Alderaan." She shook her head sadly.

"Of course not," he replied in a soft voice. "You're at war. That changes anyone. You've lived so unselfishly these three years, after losing everything." His tone grew beseeching. "I can give you back what you've lost. A family, a beautiful home, anything your heart desires. What my family can bring will help win this war. We will have to marry in secret for now, but once the Empire is defeated, you can live freely again."

Each word wrenched her heart, but she met his gaze again. "Benny, those things don't matter to me anymore. I don't care about a house or material things. My priorities have changed since we last saw each other. All that matters to me is the fight against the Empire."

He looked mildly surprised and was speechless for a moment. "Okay," he replied slowly. "I can still give you what matters to you. I can aid you in your fight."

At a loss, Leia struggled. Prospero was a powerful system. It could indeed help even the odds against the Empire. But, the cost to her was unimaginable. She no longer wanted to marry Benny. That was her old life. She couldn't possibly return to that young girl who was content to marry her best friend.

And Han…he was the man she wanted. Now that she knew love…and yes, she loved him, there was no denying it. She didn't want to settle for someone comfortable. She wanted the man who made her heart pound, her stomach bottom out, and sent chills through every nerve in her body.

Managing to retrieve her hands from his, she welcomed the frigid air that surrounded them. "Benny," she said slowly, holding up one hand to keep him at bay. "Don't you think you would be better off marrying someone who can offer you more?"

"You're all I want, Leia."

She sighed. "I'm sorry, Benny. This isn't what I want anymore." This was so difficult, she hated to hurt him. "I don't want to get married."

The disappointment in his eyes swiftly turned to anger. "We made a vow. You vowed to be my wife!"

"I know and I'm sorry. I've changed and what I want has changed too. I'm sorry."

His lips pressed together and his eyes were stormy. "We have a contract. I've waited three years for you."

The guilt was piling high. "I'm sorry." She tried to convey how badly she felt through her voice.

"I have the contract. You registered your thumb print. It's a binding agreement between our families."

"I have no more family," she reminded him, cringing inside from this whole situation.

"Yes, you do," he declared, the pleading gone, a new strength in his voice. "You have me. And the Palacios. We are your family."

Leia opened her mouth to respond, but he cut her off.

"Think of the Alliance. The power you can bring them. How we can destroy the Empire by joining forces." Benny's eyes were shining now, invigorated by his new tactic. He stepped closer. "You're promised to me. It's a binding contract. You must marry me. I can make you happy, I swear." He slipped his fingers gently over her forearms. "Think of what we can do. We can save the galaxy together."

His words trickled through her mind, the idea enticing. He was right. They had a legal, binding contract. She would have to follow through unless she could convince him to release her. He did not seem even remotely willing to void their deal.

The possibility of overthrowing the Empire…

The new Imperial project lingered in the shadows of her mind. If it was, indeed, a Death Star, they had very little with which to go up against it. Prospero would add so many resources…

Legally, she had no choice. But it was so far from what she wanted. Han's face swam before her eyes and she felt as if she were drowning, with no hope of air. Tears threatened.

"Benny," she pleaded in a tight voice. "You would have me marry you when I don't wish to?"

His eyes were momentarily conflicted. Then, his posture shifted and he seemed resigned. "I love you, Leia. I always have. You loved me once, too. I believe you can love me again. I just need the chance to show you."

Her gaze dropped to the floor and misery poured into her heart. "I've always loved you, Benny," she whispered before looking back to him. "But…I was never in love with you. I didn't understand the difference before."

His features showed disappointment but he seemed to brush it aside. "Those feelings will come," he replied stoically.

She bit her lip and closed her eyes, wishing reality could be closed out so easily. "I need some time," she whispered. "This is all so sudden." Silence hung between them.

Finally, Benny answered in a softer voice. "Yes. Of course. I'm sorry, Leia. I hadn't thought about how sudden this is for you. Take some time. We shall talk in the morning." He bent and kissed her gently on the forehead.

Her eyes remained closed as his footsteps echoed to the door. She heard the whisper of opening, the swish of closing. Alone now, she sat heavily on her assigned cot and placed her face in both hands. How could this be happening?

How could she get out of this? What could she do?

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Leia, please, come in."

She stood in the doorway of the office that Mon Mothma had taken up temporary residence in. There were few choices of who she could discuss this matter with. She couldn't talk to Luke…it would be too awkward. Her comprehension of Shyriiwook was too poor to speak with Chewbacca. And, of course, Han was out of the question. And somehow, it seemed more appropriate to discuss it with a woman. The thought made her miss her mother desperately. There had never been a chance to discuss love with her.

Missed opportunities…Leia struggled to batter down her sorrow.

With a slight, forced smile, she took the seat in front of Mon's desk. The older woman's fingers shaped to a triangle beneath her chin and her lips pursed to a smile.

"I am so very happy for you, Leia. I remember the day your father announced your engagement."

Leia had completely forgotten that Mon had attended that party. "I…have some reservations," she confessed tentatively.

Her brow rose but something in her eyes dimmed. "And what might those be?"

"It's been three years since I last saw Benny. A lot has changed. I've changed."

Her eyes flickered to the table and slowly rose back to Leia as her posture seemed to shift uncomfortably. "I see," she replied slowly. Her hands lowered to her lap and she sat back. "Leia…I know how hard the loss of Alderaan hit you. You've handled it admirably. I'm sure those who don't know you on a personal level don't see the pain you have been through."

Leia felt a deep flicker of emotion but did not let her expression betray her.

"I know how close the Organas and the Palacios were," Mon continued. "And I know how pleased they were about your engagement. Would you dishonor House Organa this way, by breaking the agreement?"

Leia's heart sunk closer to her stomach. It was a low blow but it hit the mark.

"I also know how much the Alliance means to you and how desperately we all want to defeat the Empire. Marriages have been built on much less than that."

Leia knew she wasn't wrong. Her sense of obligation could not argue. Her heart, on the other hand, screamed in protest. "Would you do it?" Leia asked earnestly. "Would you marry someone you didn't want to be with, just to bring power to the Alliance?"

Mon's chin rose sharply. "Without question."

Leia supposed that this was why she was here. So that someone else could make the decision for her, because making it herself was simply too painful. I wish it was you, she thought bitterly. You're so certain…I wish it was you.

"Is it so wrong to desire to be with someone you love…rather than someone you are required to be with?" Leia asked softly. Saying the word aloud, she could no longer deny it. She loved Han. She was in love with him. Now, when she was finally able to admit it to herself, it scarred her heart rather than bringing her joy.

Mon paused. "Is there someone that you love?"

Leia's eyes fell to fingers that picked at each other nervously. She wanted to lie but knew that the truth was written all over her face. She couldn't meet Mon's gaze but nodded slowly.

The ensuing silence was painful.

"Well," Mon finally replied. "We make many sacrifices for the greater good. I trust that you will make the right decision."

Expectation was deeply rooted in her voice. When Leia looked up, it was in her expression as well. With a nod, she rose from her seat and walked slowly from the office with her head down, feet feeling as if they were mired in sinksand.

When the door closed behind her, she closed her eyes. The losses she had suffered had all been outside of her control, had taken everyone and everything swiftly from her in the blink of an eye. It had been like having a limb severed without seeing the blow coming. Suddenly, that arm or leg was just gone. But this was like having your heart gouged from your chest while completely conscious and aware. And that heart was still beating and bleeding as it was scraped and ravaged inside you.

It was more than she could take.