Ok, we are coming up on the trip to Bespin! AU of course ;)
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"How ya feelin', Kid?"
Chewie roared boisterously behind him as Han entered Luke's room in the medbay. Seeing Leia at Luke's bedside made him regret the visit. But, he did not allow her presence to get to him. He studiously ignored him and focused on his friend.
He leaned over to examine the younger man's features. "You don't look so bad to me. In fact, you look strong enough to pull the ears off a gundark."
Luke smiled. "Thanks to you."
Han grinned smugly. "That's two you owe me, Junior." He paused, still ignoring the Princess. "Looks like my engines're stalled. They're not letting anyone outta here until the energy field's activated."
"I guess we're stuck with you a little longer," Luke grinned.
Han mussed his hair and Luke jerked his head away. "Aren't you the lucky one?" They shared a short, low laugh.
Luke's gaze shifted over Han's shoulder then back again. "I was just telling Leia that I'm going away for a little while."
Han was surprised. "Really? Where ya going?"
The younger man hesitated for a brief moment. "I'm going to look for a Jedi Master."
Han's head angled to one side in disbelief. "A Jedi…this hocus pocus nonsense again?"
Leia's voice sounded behind him, voice filled with disapproval. "It's not nonsense."
Irritated, he finally turned to face her. The sight of her jump-started his heart but he pressed his lips together disdainfully. "Bunch o' dreamers," he muttered.
Chewie grumbled from his other side and Han turned to look at him.
"You, too? Ahh." He waved a dismissive hand, feeling suddenly as if they were all ganging up on him. He turned back to Luke. "Look, don't get me wrong. I think it's a great idea for you to get away from the Rebellion." Luke leaving at the same time as him would surely hurt Leia. At the moment, he enjoyed that thought. "But, you're going on a wild-growshek chase."
Luke smiled serenely. "I know you think so. But, this is something I have to do."
Han shook his head with a sigh. "Guess we'll both be waiting for clearance." He stood up straight and clapped him on the shoulder. "Hope you get outta here soon. I'll see ya later."
Luke nodded with a congenial smile, Chewie barked a good bye to both Luke and the Princess then followed Han into the ice corridor.
Within moments, Leia's voice was calling after him.
"Han!"
He stopped with a roll of his shoulders and a spurt of anger. Spinning to face her oncoming stride towards him, he noticed Chewie slipping quietly away.
"Yes, Your Highnessness?" he answered irreverently.
She seemed taken aback by his tone, hesitated then spoke in a soft voice. "I…I just want to say that I wish you the best. I hope you settle things with Jabba and find happiness."
Was this supposed to be a consolation? His anger mounted. "Happiness? What is this? Some holo-drama?"
Her mouth widened in response.
He stepped closer to her and leaned in. "I don't want your good wishes," he spat.
Her eyes softened. "I don't want it to end this way. With us yelling at each other."
"There's no other way to end," he sneered. "This is what you wanted."
She shook her head and her eyes became larger. "This is not what I wanted."
"Well, it was your decision."
"It wasn't a decision."
"Sure looks that way from here!"
She closed her eyes briefly. "I wish I could make you understand," she whispered.
"Oh, I understand perfectly, Sweetheart." Something dark unfurled in his chest and there was no more holding back. "You made the smart choice, the better choice. Hell, who can blame you?" She opened her mouth to speak but his words blasted in her face. "No one would tell you to pick a worthless smuggler over some rich guy who can give you everything you want."
"I don't think you're worthless, I never did." Her voice was strained now.
"Oh, please, save it!"
Someone rushed between them but their gazes never wavered.
"You don't know the first thing about what I want." Anger was seeping into her voice now.
"Don't I? Haven't you been telling me for years how it's all about the Rebellion, blah, blah, blah, defeat the Empire, all for the Alliance? Well, maybe this guy can give you the Emperor's head on a platter." She was shaking her head but Han was done. "And here you thought I was the one who was all about money!" He turned around and pounded through the corridor.
OOOOOOOOO
Their circumstances were dire. Yet, instead of focusing on the fact that they were stuck in subspace for weeks on their way to Bespin, that they could run out of food or fuel, or could be captured by Imperials, Leia's central focus was Han.
Of course, she should be thinking about the dangerous situation, but she simply couldn't. The end of this journey seemed too distant and vague. Too far in the future. Her feelings for Han were so immediate. He was her present.
How were they going to handle being in such close quarters for weeks on end? He was still barely speaking to her, would barely look her in the eye.
And it was so very painful to be in such close proximity to him and still so distant at the same time. At the very least, she wanted them to be civil to each other during this time.
Who was she kidding? She wanted far more than civility. She wanted intimacy. Of the body and the heart.
This felt like a reprieve for them. As if fate had intervened and decided that they needed more time. Borrowed time…that was what they had.
And she wanted it, wanted it so much. She wanted to clutch it in both hands and cling to every last drop of it. To fill herself up with him and bask in his presence. In the end, it would hurt. The pain would be soul-crushing. But, right now, that didn't matter. She could not resist the pull to be near him.
She had been grateful to find the few garments she had left on the Falcon. The red dress from the trip to Moltare would be of no use, but at least she had the casual, gray shirt and black pants from their mission to Birgis. She changed quickly, tossing away the hot, uncomfortable coldsuit. She had nothing to wear on her feet but the big, heavy snow boots and thick, woolen socks. Her feet were sweating, so she took the suit and socks and placed them in the autovalet, padding on bare feet through the corridor. The deck was too cold to go barefoot. It was a perfect reason to seek Han out.
She found him in the cockpit, sulking over a datapad. He didn't turn when the door slid open. Leia waited a moment before interrupting.
"Han?"
"Hm?" He sounded extraordinarily unhappy.
"I found some clothes I had left on board. But, all I have are those big boots and really warm socks." She paused.
After a few beats, he spun his chair to face her. "What?" he asked, angry and perplexed.
"Can I borrow a pair of socks?" she asked simply.
His perturbed expression remained. Then, it settled into apathy. "Sure. Go in my cabin and get some." He swung back to the console and returned his gaze to the pad.
She had been hoping that he would accompany her. "Thank you," she said quietly. He didn't answer, so she made her way to his cabin.
Rifling through a few storage lockers, she finally found some socks. They were huge, but she put them on and bundled them at the top. It would have to do. Sitting down heavily on the bunk, she thought about the many hours of passion they had shared there.
Had there been a time when she had really believed she could sleep with Han and have no feelings for him? It seemed naïve and unrealistic now.
She had disavowed it, but there had always been more there, beneath that façade of denial. The physicality of their interactions had been so powerful, it had been easy to ignore what lie underneath the surface. It was simple to listen to your body. Much more difficult to listen to your heart…especially when your body was screaming so loudly with demand.
When had she fallen in love? Her mind drifted over the last three years, but it was impossible to pinpoint.
She was in love with Han Solo.
Had anyone told her when they first met on the Death Star that this was her future, she would have scoffed and sent them for psychiatric counseling. Or perhaps spice detox.
Feet now warm, she wound her way back towards the cockpit, but found Han at the engineering station in the main hold. He stared at the console ahead of him, that same look of consternation marring his features. Leia stopped beside him.
"What can I do to help?" she asked mildly.
He glanced at her with no change in expression. "Nothing."
She had been expecting as much. "Really, I would like to help. I hate to be idle."
"I imagine you do," he muttered.
He said nothing more and the atmosphere grew awkward. "So, what can I do?"
He finally met her gaze, expression now one of innocence. "Nothing."
As he looked back at the screen, Leia sighed with frustration and decided to ask Chewie instead. She would not stand by, useless for weeks.
Chewbacca was in the rear cargo hold, carrying a data pad and examining the contents of a shelf.
"Can I help?" Leia called from the doorway.
He turned surprised eyes to her and shrugged with a positive bark. He passed the pad to her.
"Inventory?" she appraised the data.
Chewie growled an affirmative.
"I would love to! I asked Han what I could do, but he said nothing. I'll go crazy these next few weeks with nothing to do."
With a pleasant grumble, he gestured for Leia to take over and advised her not to let Han get to her. She responded with a sigh and a small smile.
"At least you don't hate me."
He barked assurance that Han didn't hate her either. Far from it, from what she understood.
"I hope you're right. This will be an awfully uncomfortable trip if he does."
With a pat on the head and a reassuring huff, he left the hold. Pleased to have something to pass the time, she took her duties very seriously, cataloguing food, medical supplies, spare parts, tools, and miscellaneous items.
Some of the spare parts and tools were unknown to her, so she entered a description. When she was finished, she was surprised to find that several hours had passed. It was boring work, but better than nothing. At least it passed the time.
Feeling pleased, she saved her data and left in search of Chewie. She couldn't find him, or Han for that matter. She left the datapad on the game table and went to the galley.
She was surprisingly hungry. Having gone over the packaged food supply, she knew they had to ration their food. In the morning, she would make her next project a ration schedule. The last thing they would want would be to survive the Imperials but perish from starvation. What a sad tale that would be.
As she perused the contents of the cooling unit, she heard Han enter. Chewie didn't wear shoes, and Threepio clanked when he walked, so it could only be Han. She turned to him, feeling more positive.
He stood, leaning against the counter, eyes trained on the deck.
"How is everything?" she asked, the cool air from the unit surrounding her.
"Fabulous," he muttered to his feet. His head rose to look at her. "You're lettin' all the cold air out. We don't need that to break down too."
With a sigh, she allowed the door to fall shut. Her appetite had now dwindled, along with her newfound positivity.
"Can I get you anything?" she offered.
He shook his head. "You gettin' all domestic now?"
Leia would have chuckled had he not looked so grouchy. "Why did you come in here?"
"It's my ship. I don't need a reason."
Fair enough. "I finished the inventory Chewie was doing. I see you have a lot of kaffe stored. That should help us get through the trip." She tried out a small smile.
"Got a lot of alcohol too. That'll help even more." He wasn't smiling back and his voice was still gruff.
Wanting to remain in his company, Leia decided on a glass of water. She was too anxious to eat. Keep this up and we'll have plenty of food, she thought wryly. Taking a mug from the cabinet, she filled it from the basin and took a long sip.
"Han?"
"Mm?
"Thank you," she said earnestly. "Thank you for coming after me on Hoth." Surely, the gesture meant something. He must still care about her.
His surly eyes met hers with a shrug. His gaze turned back to the deck.
Placing her glass on the counter, she approached him tentatively. Standing a few scant inches away from him, she wanted more than anything to reach out to him. "I know things have been difficult…" she began in a quiet, sober voice. "But, I hope we can make the best of this situation."
He gave her a dark, disbelieving look. "The best of…? There is no 'best of.' We're stuck in subspace, limping to a place where we may or may not find help. We could be attacked by pirates, Imperials, run out of food or fuel…and there's nothing I can do about any of it."
"I know," she replied, patient and wide-eyed. "And it's because you rescued me." She allowed one more attempt at a smile. "I told you that you were a hero."
A hint of vulnerability shone in his eyes for just a moment. It was quickly gone. He stood up straight and his eyes hardened again. "Someone had to save the Rebellion's martyr," he muttered. He turned and left Leia alone in the galley.
She sighed to herself and it sounded loud and lonely.