Chapter 16

Ana

I blink my eyes open, again feeling like I got no rest. It seems like that might just be the new status quo for me. Of course, I'm alone in bed. I stretch my limbs out like a starfish, and I'm greeted by an unpleasant pain down in my lower belly.

Perhaps this is morning sickness?

So far, I haven't experienced any symptoms, which seems strange. Kate gave me all kinds of tips for the nausea, but I haven't needed any. Besides feeling absolutely bone tired, which could also be from the stress of the whole feeling like my life is at a complete standstill thing, I don't feel anything different. I wouldn't exactly call this new pain nausea, though. It feels more like a cramp. Kate did lecture me about the new feelings I'll come to experience, like muscle pain as my stomach stretches out. Maybe this is the beginning of that.

I lift up the covers and look down at my stomach. It looks the same. You'd never know what was happening underneath. Tears threaten, and I decide it's too early to cry about my situation again, so I push myself up and slide out of bed.

I freshen up, then make my way downstairs. I reach for my French press out of habit, then once again drop my hand. Too much caffeine. For the baby. The stranger I'm growing with the stranger I have to marry. I try to push that unpleasant thought away, but then my mind wanders to what day it is. Friday. The day I've been dreading and waiting in anticipation for. I might get to see Christian today.

I've been thinking about our phone call pretty much every time my mind is idle. There was so much I wanted to say, and instead I feel like I said all the wrong things. But I don't see any way that we can continue the way we had been, especially knowing that I apparently drunkenly kissed him. I know I feel too much for him, and honestly, I can't stand to watch him turn away from me once he knows about my condition. I can remember him making a few comments about babies and pregnancy during the brief time we spent together and none of them were positive. This news will probably completely ruin me in his eyes.

My phone vibrates on the counter, and I don't bother to look at the caller ID as I answer. "You again."

"Me! Here for my morning report," Kate practically sings.

"I'm starting to feel… sore down there. I'm very tired."

"Maybe your morning sickness is kicking in. Has… the father been around at all?"

If I wasn't nauseous before, I am now. "Here and there."

"Touchy subject?" she says gently. I don't respond, dunking my tea bag in hot water. "Listen… I know you said, with the baby and all, you guys have to give it another shot. And I totally respect you wanting to keep the family together. But… single moms can really rock too. And children aren't better off in homes where their parents are obviously at odds with each other. I'm not saying that's definitely you. But something to keep in mind given that you were going to leave him half an hour before you found out you were carrying his baby."

Of course, I know this. I remember the brief time I was home with my mom and her third husband, Steve. You could cut the tension with a knife. It's not really the fact that I'm carrying his baby. Cutting and running probably would have become an option once I'd had time to process a little more. It's the fact that I'm the only thing standing in the way of him and going after Christian. But I can't tell her that. "Thanks for the pep talk."

"I'm excited to see you tonight."

"Me too." Though my tone sounds anything but.

"It's always a silly night. And spoiler alert, there's a dance partner auction thingy that I'm guessing Mia will force you to participate in. Maybe she'll leave you out if you tell her you're with child?"

I sigh, rubbing my eyes in frustration. "I can't do that. It's too early. Aren't you not supposed to say anything the first trimester?"

"Yes, that's the usual rule. Well, don't say I didn't warn you. Maybe no one will bid on you. Maybe they can smell in your pheromones that you're no longer viable to mate."

"Okay, this is getting a little medical for me. I have to get ready to go check out the construction."

"Fine. Tell my hubs I say hi."

"I will. See you tonight."

"Until then!"

I sip my tea and feel tempted to go to the bathroom mirror and practice my smile for Iris. I know she's onto me. All I told her was that we're giving it another shot. The sadness in her eyes said everything she wouldn't.

The sound of the front door opening startles me up. Another radiating pain settles in my belly as I sit up. I feel a special brand of barely human today.

"Miss Steele? Hello? This is your glam squad. Mr. Westerley sent us?"

Kill me.

I spent a bit of time at the book shop overseeing the construction, discussing design choices, and generally trying to be present, but the cramping down below became impossible to ignore and I decided to go home. I'm not allowed to take anything like Advil right now, so instead I decided to take a nap, hoping I just needed to rest. It appears that wasn't the issue.

It also occurs to me from my very rudimentary knowledge of pregnancy that this might not be normal.

I leave my bedroom just as the invasive glam squad is making their way down the hall. "Oh, there you are! Are you ready for us?"

"No," I sigh.

"Shall we give you a minute to freshen up?"

"I need to call my fiancé. Go downstairs and give me privacy." I realize that my tone is sharp with them, but they did kind of barge in.

I go and sit on the bathroom floor, closing the door behind me. I'm in the same spot I was when I stole away to call Christian, but this is a much more depressing call. And he probably won't answer.

But he surprises me. "You need something, babe?"

"You didn't tell me you were sending people here."

"I didn't? Sorry."

"I don't know if I can go tonight."

"Do you have a prior commitment?" His tone has a touch of smarminess to it.

"I'm not feeling well at all. I've been in bed most of the day."

"Come on, Ana, everybody who's pregnant feels like shit. You're not special. I need you there tonight. How will it look if we don't show up together to one of the most publicized events in town?"

"I had every intention of going, but I'm not joking, Cam, something is wrong. I think I should maybe try to get ahold of the doctor."

"No doctor! You have to go. The team is there to help you. You just have to sit there while they slap some makeup and clothes on you. Do this for me, Ana."

"It's not—"

"I'll see you soon. I'm sorry, babe, I have to go take care of something. We have to make an appearance, can't be helped." He hangs up.

I guess I'd forgotten my place. My human emotions don't matter, I'm simply an ornament.

I go downstairs and sit at their prepared seat. I let them paint me up and push me around, and I don't notice the tears rolling down my face until the makeup girl dabs at my eyes. "Chin up, sweetie. You're going to a party. That's always fun, right?"

I don't answer. Once she finishes my face, the other one takes me upstairs. Standing up is difficult. I'm having a strange, pulsing pain in my lower abdomen and back. And of course, the dress they've picked out for me is a very tight, bright red ballgown that has almost a corset effect in the waist. Seems like a bad idea for someone in my delicate condition anyway, given that I'm going to start showing sooner or later. We've gotten away with it tonight, but the feeling of fabric against the aching makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

For once on time, Cam idles the car in the driveway waiting for me to come out. I don't bother to say goodbye to the traitorous glam squad as I go outside to meet him. "Hey, gorgeous." He leans in to kiss me, I offer only my cheek. "You look pale."

"I told you I wasn't feeling well."

"It's just being pregnant, right? Kate said you feel like shit the first three months."

"I don't think many pregnant women are forced into evening wear and carted to balls. I think a lot of them just sit around feeling like shit."

"Well, our life is different. Maybe we can try to get out early." He takes my hand and kisses it while he watches the road. I imagine the kiss turning into a snake bite. It might as well, for all it really means.

I keep my eyes fixated on the window, watching the evening views blur by. I don't know how much time has passed by the time we're pulling up the long driveway of the Grey mansion. My heart throbs a bit, matching my other pains below. The first time I ever came here, I thought it represented some kind of hope for my future happiness. It's morbidly funny to be arriving here now feeling like any semblance of future happiness has completely slipped away. If I only I could tell young, bright-eyed Ana how it all worked out.

"Smile," he says as we get out of the car. There's a few photographers. I try to, but a slight upturn of the lips is all I can manage. We walk down towards a massive tent, and inside, it's a sea of bright gowns and anonymous tuxes. "I'll get us drinks. You're getting club soda with lime. You can pretend it's a gin and tonic." I don't answer. There's no point, he doesn't speak to me to get a response anyway.

I watch him go, starting to space out among the noise and commotion. "Ana! God, you look gorgeous! I haven't seen you in forever." Mia is suddenly right next to me, smiling excitedly and grabbing my hand. "You absolutely nailed the theme."

"Theme?"

"Angels and demons, gods and goddesses. You look like a Greek siren in this color."

"Oh. Thank you. You look amazing as well." She's in a white dress with gold embroidery.

"I hear that Kate filled you in on our first dance auction. I'm sure you'll be a hot commodity, so of course I put your name in."

"Mia, I really don't—"

"God, I'd love to see a Grey-Westerley bidding war. Make them fight like cats."

"He's here?" My heart flutters nervously.

"Somewhere. You know this charity is all about him, basically?"

"I don't know much about it."

"Mia, good to see you again," Cam says brightly. I wish the floor would swallow me up.

"Cameron, we're glad you could make it. I just need to steal Ana for a bit." That works, too.

I take the drink from him and sip it as Mia drags me through the crowd. "Is the first dance thing now?"

"No. I just want to talk to you."

"You were talking to me, why are we—"

She abruptly stops as we make it outside the tent. I don't see anyone else around. "Ana, are we friends?"

"What? Of course we're friends."

"Can I be honest?"

"Yes?"

"I'm worried about you."

"Me? Why?"

"Kate has been worried about you. I think Christian has, too. And I'm connecting the dots… your relationship?"

She looks earnestly concerned, and that's something I cannot handle being cornered with right now. "Mia… everything is as it should be. Trust me. This is the best thing for everyone."

She takes my hand again. "You know, Christian has something different with you. You have to know that. I've never seen him like this, except with you, then and now. He would protect you if you needed it."

I nod, feeling a rush of emotion well up. "I know he would. The thing is, I would protect him too." She blinks a few times, processing what I've said, and I realize I may have said too much. "I have to get back in, he's waiting for me."

"Ana—"

"Mia, please. Thank you for your concern. I'm fine. Everything is how it's supposed to be. I promise." I can't stomach any more of this conversation, not least because I'm seized by another cramp.

I go back inside and they're just beginning to seat people. I clutch my dress in a fist, trying to ignore the pain as I weave through the crowd, looking at name cards. I find mine and sit, just as I see Cam coming up behind me. "Why are you making that face?" he mutters.

"What face?"

"You're sort of scowling."

I realize my face is kind of scrunched up as I've been dealing with the pain. "Cam, I think I might have to leave." I'm now quite sure this isn't normal.

"Are you joking? You're up for auction. You can't leave, everyone will know."

"I think something is wrong. Are you hearing me? I'm in a lot of pain. And I don't think it's nausea."

"You've been able to lay around all week. You can endure one night. We'll call the doctor tomorrow. For me, Ana?"

"Is everything all right?" A voice startles us, and we both spring back from our close talking.

It's Grace, eying me a tad suspiciously. "Grace. Everything looks lovely, thank you so much for having us," I say as evenly as possible.

Her expression softens. "Are you feeling quite well, dear? You look a bit pale."

"She's just hungry," Cam interjects, patting my hand.

Oh, God, this is a dinner event. I'm honestly not sure I can stomach anything right now. "If you say so."

Mia comes up and takes her seat, then Elliot and Kate aren't far behind, and I suddenly realize that we are guests at the designated Grey table. The whole family. Which means—

"Good evening, Westerley." I feel his presence before he even speaks.

"Grey. Fancy seeing you here," Cam responds boldly. He won't like that…

"At my childhood home? Fantastic coincidence, indeed." He sits next to me, and I know I shouldn't, but I look up and meet his eyes. They soften as soon as I do. "Miss Steele."

"Mr. Grey."

"Oh, looks like they're bringing out dinner," Grace comments.

"Your food is always stunning, Grace," Kate responds.

In a tragic lull in conversation, I gasp as the next round of pain hits me, causing a few nearby heads to turn. "Whoa. Ana, you good?" Elliot asks, his tone uncharacteristically sincere.

I avoid Christian's gaze burning a hole in the side of my face. "Yes… I'm fine. I think I'll just run to the powder room, actually."

Kate is already standing. "I'll show you where they are."

"Don't be silly, Kate, I'll take her," Cam retorts.

"No! No. Both of you. Honestly, don't let me ruin your good time. I'll be back." It's a light fib. I might try to spend the entire dinner hiding in there. I stand up, mercifully free from a cramp this very second, and leave without waiting for their responses.

The portable toilets are full, so I end up finding my way back to the main house, which I'm sure is a lapse in manners, but hopefully they'll forgive me. I need to make a private call. I pull out the card the doctor gave me from my bag and dial the after-hours number. All I get is a voicemail. I can't say that's surprising, given that it's a Friday night, but now I really don't know what to do.

I check my underwear, and there's a bit of light pink mucus, but no blood. I do some googling, read some articles, and find that some cramping and mucus is normal in the first trimester. Maybe this is normal? It sure as shit doesn't feel normal, but until I can get ahold of the doctor, I might have to pretend for one night.

I lean against the sink, trying to collect myself. I put my hand over my stomach, silently hoping that the stranger inside of there is doing okay. I'm free of acute pain for the moment, so I reluctantly return to the tent. Thankfully, dinner plates have been mostly cleared now.

I've hardly sat down before that voice is in my ear. "You missed dinner. What's wrong?"

I look at Cam, who is studiously ignoring me and looking at his phone, then back to Christian. "Nothing. Just bad timing. I'll eat later," I respond. He's always had a thing for not missing meals.

Kate meets my eyes and mouths an 'are you okay?' at me. I shrug and shake my head a bit. A nod would be a lie.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it looks like we are all ready to start our momentous auction!" the emcee shouts. "Welcome one and all to the 2018 Coping Together Gala. First things first, you'll find our list of items up for bidding under your seats."

I skim through the list, a certain Aspen chalet owned by Christian Grey catching my attention. "I didn't know you had another house," I whisper.

He turns quickly at the sound of my voice, seeming a bit surprised I'm addressing him. "It never came up. Maybe it would have eventually."

One side of my mouth turns up in a smile. "Sounds fancy."

He smiles crookedly in return. "It's fancy," he allows.

The auction begins, and we're not too far in before the pains are back. I sit there gritting my teeth and holding the skirt of my dress in a fist while the glitterati of Seattle bid on vacation houses and private chef dinners and commissions of art. Christian's house is towards the end, and I can feel his gaze on me most of the auction, assessing every flinch and reaction. The pressure to act absolutely fine is high, and I'm cracking under it.

"Next up, we have the Aspen vacation home of the illustrious Christian Grey. The home contains six bedrooms, seven bathrooms, enough square feet to bring your entire harem, and gorgeous panoramic mountain views. Shall we start the bidding at ten thousand?"

To my absolute shock, there is yelling just to the left of me. "Ten thousand!"

"Cam!" I hiss. "What are you doing?"

He shrugs. "Sounds like a nice house." His pointed glance above my head to the house's owner sitting behind me doesn't escape my notice.

But apparently, I'm not the only one who notices. "Fifteen!" Mia yells.

"Twenty!" Cam.

"Oh, fuck it. Twenty-five!" Elliot yells.

"Thirty!" Cam again.

Mia cups her hands around her mouth and stands up. "Fifty!"

"Leave it," I whisper in his ear. "You're burning bridges."

"They all have to burn eventually," he cryptically responds. But he listens.

I steal a glance at Christian. He isn't looking at me. He's looking over my head, with piercing eyes. I find myself wanting to touch his hand, do something to make that hardness in his expression go away. But that would be silly of me to do.

"Sold for fifty thousand dollars, to the stunning Grey girl!" the emcee declares. "And speaking of stunning women, we shall now have all the lovely ladies participating in the first dance auction report to the stage. Gentlemen, get your pocketbooks ready and please congregate on the dance floor!"

"Ana!" Mia snaps at me like I'm a dog. "Come on, we're up."

I sigh and stand up, immediately wishing I hadn't as another wave of pain hits. But Mia tows me by the hand to the stage, and the bright lights don't help at all.

I do my best not to dissociate as the emcee prattles on about how great all these women are. The line slowly moves forward, and when I'm next, Mia leans in from behind me. "Are you okay?" she whispers. "You look a bit ill."

"I honestly don't know if I can do this." Any of this. This pain. Marrying him. Staying here. Everything suddenly feels very overwhelming.

"And our next lady is the lovely Anastasia!" Mia grips onto my shoulders, her expression torn as I step out of her grasp. "She is an acclaimed businesswoman, an avid fan of barre classes, and according to her friends, she makes the best pancake breakfast around. Let's start the bidding at one thousand?"

"One thousand!" Cam yells.

"Five thousand." There's a murmur amongst the crowd. Oh, Christian…

"Ten thousand." I feel like I'm not quite in the room anymore.

"Fifteen." I'm feeling dizzy.

"Twenty." I'm hit with a hell of a cramp, and I feel my face wrinkle.

"Fifty."

The crowd gasps. The lights are so hot. My vision goes black.

"Ana!" I hear Mia gasping in my ear. "Ana, hey, you still there?"

I'm swept up off the ground and taken somewhere less bright. I realize a security guard is carrying me. I slowly open my eyes as I'm set back on the ground backstage. Mia kneels in front of me. "Ana, what happened?"

I let out a grunt as the pain registers again. "I just need a minute. Lights were hot."

"They tell you not to lock your knees, but I've never really seen someone go down like that." She brushes the hair out of my face. "Somehow, you topped the dramatics of that pissing contest."

"Just… need some fresh air. Help me up?"

"Okay," she says uncertainly. "Would you like me to go with you?"

"No," I answer quickly.

"Ana."

"I'll just be a minute."

She sighs. "If you're not back in two minutes, I'm going on a manhunt."

With shaking hands, I reach out and give her a hug. She hugs me back, fiercely. I feel like I need one. "I know you will. Be right back."

It's now fully dark outside, but there's enough light from the festivities to see where I'm going as I slip out of the tent. I make my way out of sight by the boathouse. I pull up my skirt and push my hand underneath all of the tulle, and there it is. Lit by the moon reflecting off the water, nestled amongst the bright red fabric, my hand is colored with bright red liquid.

"Ana!" I look up and see Christian, looking anxious and confused. "Ana, what's happening?"

I look down at my hand once more, then back up at him. "I'm having a miscarriage."

A/N: For those of you who have felt the need to tell me how much you don't like this story, I might suggest you try writing something on this site other than a complaint. ;)

A good chunk of you thought that Cam would announce her pregnancy at this event. I'm so amazed sometimes by the way theories take off within the readers when I myself had literally never even considered that (honestly, that is just TOO much mess for me, lol).

For the lovely reviewer who asked about the difference in Cam and Christian's net worths, Cam is in the hundred millions and Christian is in the hundred billions. Not close.