JESUS | ?

"Alright, keep practicing," I tell Gage as I wave at Magna to tell her I'll be right there. I pick up my coat, put it back on and leisurely walk toward her. The moment I get to her, Tara shows up from the other side.

"What's up?" we ask simultaneously.

"I was wrong," Magna jumps straight to it, her eyes flicking between the two of us. "About our campers out there. I didn't remember right away, but I do now. I do know a bunch of them. And I think we should give them a chance."

Tara frowns. "You know how strange that sounds, right?" she asks, her voice full of suspicion. "You were pretty convincing before, about not knowing them. I mean, if they did anything to change your mind, if they are threatening you-"

"They are not! I just- I'd forgotten about them. It's been a really, really long time since we saw each other. We were different people back then. Like... very young... and all."

"So you shared a swing set in kindergarten," I shrug, "How's that helping us today? What do they even have to offer?"

Shifting from one foot to the other Magna draws in a deep breath. "Well, to start with, a kick-ass SWAT truck?"

My co-leader rolls her eyes. "In a world without gasoline? Useless!"

"They've got weapons. And a few real good fighters. Who I prefer to have on our side, when it comes to it," she tries again.

We stay quiet.

"And beer..."

Tara's face lights up in an instant. "For real?"

Now Magna's the one to raise her shoulders. "Evidently, yeah."

Leaning in a bit, Tara looks at me. "Maybe we should give them a chance? You know, hear what they've got to say?"

Unable to suppress a chuckle I shake my head. "I guess you should have started with the beer," I grin at Magna. "Alright then, let's go."

Without another word we make our way to the main gate behind which Magna's long-lost friends are waiting for us. Though not in a hurry we're all walking with a quick pace, yet as soon as the heavy door opens I freeze to the ground.

One look.

It only takes one look. One look at a face I've seen so many times before. A face I looked up to, often literally, as one does in the presence of a Commander, standing majestically in front of her thrown.

The memory hits me at full force. It's so strong, so sharp, that it doesn't even confuse me, although at some level I realize it doesn't make sense. But there's no time to ponder on that. I'm already back. Back in the last place I recall. Back in the throne room.

Yet this time she's not there.

She's gone. The throne is empty. And now it's up to me.

I shouldn't have to worry though. I'm prepared. I prepared for this my whole life. She did that. She taught me everything. Sure there were others, but they were just talking. Their words didn't mean anything. It was all her. She made me believe. In myself. In my destiny. In serving this higher purpose.

Such horseshit!

As I watch the massacre around me, watch how this place turns into a bloodbath in the blink of an eye, that's all I can think: such horseshit!

This can't be anyone's destiny. There's no way this can be the fate of an innocent.

The thought paralyzes me. With everyone around me fighting for dear life I just stand there. It isn't until the Azgeda girl is coming straight towards me - her blood-drenched sword drawn above her head - that I suddenly become aware that I'm the last one standing. That this is it.

I clench my fist around the handle of my sword and take a step to the side in an attempt to seek cover behind the throne. I glance at it, just briefly, and realize how for the first time in my life it doesn't give me strength. It doesn't remind me why I'm doing this.

It only makes me angry.

When I try to fight off my attacker, who's so much stronger, so much bigger than me, I don't even see her. All I see is Lexa. Who I loved. Who I trusted. And who put me here to die.

I don't fight for the throne. I fight for my life. But I don't stand a chance. I never did. I see it crystal clear now. Now - as the sharp blade pierces my abdomen.

"Jesus, come on, let's just hear them out!"

Tara's loud voice pulls me back and makes me focus on my surroundings again.

With my eyes stuck on the young woman less than thirty feet away from me, I take a few more steps, until once again I simply can't anymore. An overwhelming sense of betrayal engulfs me.

"I'm not talking to her," I state. Still staring at this ghost from my past I take another small step. "She doesn't get anything from me!"

I take a quick look at Tara, then force myself to look straight into Lexa's eyes again. Fueled by pain and bitterness I raise my voice, "You took enough already!"

She doesn't say anything. She just sits there, on the hood of an old car. I watch how confusion clouds her face. She doesn't recognize me. For some reason that angers me even more. It awakens me. My body takes over and before I know it I cross the open space between us and stand eye to eye with her. For the first time in my life - the first part of it as well as the second - I look down on her.

"You have know idea, do you?"

She shakes her head, just slightly. "I- I don't. You're sure we know each other?"

"Oh, I'm sure," I nod without breaking eye-contact. "Maybe you should dig a little deeper... Heda!?"

The mention of her title makes her gasp. Just for a second, but enough to notice. She's unsure. Unbalanced.

Her jaw tightens.

"Did you... Did you fight for me?" she quietly asks under her voice. "I'm sorry, there were so many, I didn't know every-"

"Oh, I fought for you!" I cut her off harshly. "Not in your army though. Oh no, I was way too young for that. Fighting till death, on the other hand, doesn't know age... does it?"

She blinks, leans forward and peers deep into my eyes, searching for any sign of recognition in the one part of me that hasn't aged.

"A- Aden?" she whispers.

"I was only eleven!"

My sudden outburst makes her flinch. She starts stammering, but I don't want to hear her weak excuses.

"I was just a child," I go on, a little less loud this time.

"A special child!" she corrects me as she quickly sits up straight. She reaches out her hand, about to rest it on my arm, but I move away to avoid her touch.

"Right. A special child that got zero chance to become a special man. Or any man at all. I need to be grateful for that?"

She heaves a deep, sorrowful sigh. "I know it's not fair. I do, I know. Now more than ever. But Aden, that's how we lived!"

"That's how I died!"

"What was I supposed to do?!"

"You were supposed to protect me!" I cry out, taking a last step forward while I point my finger at her. "You were my Commander. You were the one to keep me safe. If any one could have ended this-"

"No! No, I couldn't!" she exclaims. She shakes her head, more vigorously than before. "There was no choice. I had no choice."

"A Commander always has a choice! You chose culture - ancient history! - over life. You chose to prepare us for death. And the worst thing is you did so by making us believe it was the right thing to do. You made me trust you, worship you, willing to die for you. You know what we call that here? Indoctrination!"

She swallows and averts her eyes to the ground.

"You chose not to save us. Not to save me," I go on unabated. "Now I'm doing the same."

I turn around and start walking towards the gate without looking back.

"Reshop Heda," I call over my shoulder, right before I pass Tara and Magna. "I want you off our grounds before sunrise."

... ...